Original subtitles

♪ (light music) ♪ (Armando Trovajoli - L'amore dice ciao, bossa nova)

No, you missed it. Higher!

Now smash! Up to the net.

I was playing tennis while he was...

Only three days ago.

I still feel numb.

(man clears throat)

Oh... What a relief.

(clears throat)

Mimi...

Oh Mother, don't you ever understand?

Franco, forgive me... but I can't seem to feel anything.

I must be a very insensitive person.

Oh, no!

I understand how you feel.

I should, who better than I.

I remember when your father, God rest his soul...

Left us.

What horrible sandwiches.

In any case...

who can eat, at a time like this?

(doorbell buzzes) Excuse me.

I can.

At a time like this, I'm damn hungry.

(mother chats in other room)

I've managed to persuade Tony to drive you home.

Now, are you quite sure you won't sleep here?

You've no one in your house,

didn't you tell me Maria not to come back till tomorrow?

So what?

It will be marvellous, all alone at last.

Oh.

I mean, err... without having the maid to bother me.

Poor Mimi, you're so thin!

Don't you think it would be a good idea to have a check-up?

- Tony here can easily... - Certainly.

My clinic is at your service.

Come and have a check-up.

Make your mother happy.

Yes, alright. I'll think about it, Mother.

- Don't worry about me. - At least let Tony take you home.

- I'm ready. - No, no, don't bother Tony. I'll take a cab.

Bye.

(shower running)

♪ (light music) ♪ (Armando Trovajoli - L'amore dice ciao, bossa nova remix)

(hums tune)

No, I'll sleep in the maid's room.

(footsteps outside door)

(both surprised)

Signora, I didn't expect you here.

- Maria... - Yes?

But weren't you supposed to come back tomorrow?

- Yes but I, err... - Never mind.

Can you go and sleep in there?

- In there? - Yes, in my bed.

I'll sleep here tonight.

(sniffs)

Err...

It's very big, eh?

Yes, how come you've never been to look over your domain before?

I don't know, laziness?

(laughs)

I need your signature.

I never expected to have to take over my husband's affairs.

Where?

Here.

(filing cabinet opens)

By the way...

Naturally, you know nothing about this, err...

property, A.Z.?

Naturally not. Why?

Well, I've only come to know of its existence lately.

It's an office situated in the Via Due Torri, I believe.

Yes, Via Due Torri. Number 37.

Well, what about it?

Nothing, I cannot find any papers which relate to this property.

No employees, no...

correspondence, no... registration.

Only the contract with the landlord, which dates roughly from...

Two years ago.

(chuckles) And no one has the keys.

You know, I believe Franco used it for err... tax evasion purposes, or err...

- Extra storage space. - Yes.

- Cigarette? - Aha.

What if there's someone in there?

We'll soon find out.

(recorded message) The director is out of the office for the moment.

- Franco! - If you wish to leave a message of up to one minute in length, begin now.

(light, dreamy music)

(woman's voice) Hello, Tomcat...

It's a whole week since I've heard from you.

You're not dead by any chance? (laughs)

Has the little saint been monopolising you?

Little saint? What did she mean by that?

I suppose that's me.

Well, where do I go from here?

The Tomcat is dead, and the awful thing is I...

I still don't care.

Really, I don't.

Oh... Everything's automatic.

Hmm.

This is a side of Franco I never knew existed.

Well, he certainly managed to set everything up for himself.

To your very good health, widow.

(switch clicks)

(electric motor whirrs)

Hmm, home movies. (shocked gasp)

Oh my God!

Oh, Franco!

Who's that?

Oh! It looks like Claudia!

It is Claudia!

My best friend!

How could she?

It's ridiculous.

I lived three years with a...

a sex maniac, and didn't even realise it!

What an idiot I am.

If he wanted to try this kind of thing,

Why didn't he try it with me?

Because he respected me. I was his wife.

Now look at him.

Oh really, playing doctor.

Ha, I did that when I was eight.

What an imagination.

Now I know why he always came with me when I went to the doctor's.

And I thought he was jealous!

Fool, how naive can you get?

Claudia again.

(shocked)

Poor girl!

Franco, how could you?

She must have annoyed him?

Like that time I...

No. I do believe she's enjoying it.

She is enjoying it.

The dirty...

And I helped her choose that underwear!

He's a sadist.

(crying)

That looks like a serious book on the subject.

- Hmm? - You like it?

It's very exciting.

If you want, I have other... books.

Even better, with pictures...

No thank you.

- How much is it? - 2,000.

If you're interested in sex,

I have some pictures, hmm?

I'm sure.

- Just this. - Yes, thank you.

Hmm.

- Goodbye. - Mm-hmm.

Science has torn away the veil of mystery...

from the side of sex which has always been regarded as strange,

and revealed that in this enlightened age,

there is no longer any reason to regard perversions as uncommon.

(telephone rings)

(sighs) Where was I?

Perversions...

"Nihil admirari”, the ancient Latin motto,

has more meaning today than...

(Mother's voice on phone) Hello? Mimi, are you there?

Mimi, answer me this minute!

Yes, Mother?

- What are you doing? - Studying.

- What? - Psyho...

Latin.

- You need a check-up. - No Mother, I don't need a check-up.

- You, you do. - All right, Mother.

- When? - You fix it with Tony. Goodbye, Mother!

In this chapter, we will deal with the confessions of... of people who derive their pleasure...

from the inflicting of injuries, obscene language, and even murder.

Murder?

According to Binet's "Le fétichisme dans l'amour”,

erotic stimulation is often derived from inanimate objects.

These are called "fetishes”, or "love objects".

People can also have fetishes for parts of...

parts of the human body, such as ears, nose, hair, feet.

Or a physical liability such as crossed eyes or a limp.

The inanimate objects commonly include articles of feminine attire,

such as handkerchiefs, underwear, shoes.

There are those who enjoy drinking from a loved-one's shoe.

♪ (upbeat music) ♪ (Armando Trovajoli - Il Profeta)

Ciao, Sandro. Were you watching me?

- Clients to lunch. - Aha.

- Would you like a drink? - No, I must take a shower first.

Listen, I've got an idea.

Why don't we dine together tonight?

It will take your mind off things.

Forget everything that's happened, hmm?

It would... do you good.

(children's laughter)

(laughs)

I didn't realise I said anything especially funny!

(giggles) No, you didn't. I'm sorry.

Not this evening.

I have to...

to study.

Oh, by the way, I found the key to the A.Z. office.

Let's go have a look together?

What about tomorrow afternoon?

- Five o'clock be alright? - Sure.

(soft music)

With moonlight soft...

Music in a minor key.

The principle tricks of the provincial seducer.

- Mimi, I... - Ah. Come on.

You haven't seen anything yet.

Or have you been here before?

Maybe more than once?

The only thing your husband and I shared was business.

We can easily find out.

Everything here is on record.

Like it?

The price includes the hall of mirrors,

and a bed that wives don't sleep in.

- Nice, hmm? - Mmm. Very.

And here is the entire list, with an index.

- An index? - Yes.

Claudia, Julia, Marjorie, Mrs Thompson, Valerie.

- Who's Valerie? - Don't ask me.

Oh, she has a very high score.

Let's see.

Imagination 28, experience 30, willingness 30+.

Mimi, you mustn't take all this so badly.

It's only natural that he... that...

And for your information, I'm not here.

- You're not where? - Here, in this wretched index.

Do you wanna be? Good God, you were his wife!

Yes, of course. Not the wife!

She's respectable, isn't she?

You can have fun with the others, but the wife?

Were you bored with each other?

You and Franco?

I don't know about him.

But I was.

And the silliest thing of all is that...

I didn't realise it.

You know...

Franco was the only man I'd known.

And I'd always thought that...

What we had together, I mean...

What there was between us was...

(loud slap) - Ooh! - Mimi!

Mimi, you're a big girl now.

I did nothing to hurt you.

I can't go around with my eyes closed.

Mimi.

(chuckles)

(sneezes)

- Bless you. - Thank you.

You're as bad as Franco.

You all are.

(Mimi sighs)

(sniffs)

Why Sandro...

- What are you doing? - Undressing you.

What are you doing

Caressing you.

What are you doing?

Undressing.

Now I suppose he'll ask me to forgive him.

Mimi...

I don't know what came over me.

- Hmm. - Err...

Please forgive me.

I feel very sorry.

I feel...

like a criminal, honestly.

Mimi?

Mimi, please listen to me.

Mimi!

Why don't you listen to me?

Oh, what are you talking about, huh?

I said forgive me.

I feel like a worm.

You know, Franco was my best friend.

- Mimi! - Forget about that!

Now, let's get down to business.

What do I score?

- What? - Come on, you heard what I said.

- I want to know what I score? - You must be crazy.

And no favouritism, hmm?

So...

Let's start with...

Experience.

The truth?

The truth.

Ah, not very high.

Let's say... 20.

Just to be encouraging.

- Imagination? - Oh, could be better.

Still a little... inhibited.

24, but that's generous.

Hmm!

Willingness?

Exceptional.

Full marks with honours.

And if you let me,

I'll reward you, but not with a diploma.

No, I won't let you!

- Mimi... - Now listen to me carefully, Sandro.

Don't start getting difficult.

You did not seduce me.

- I didn't? - No.

I seduced you.

Boll describes in detail the case of an unusually passionate epileptic,

who, at the height of his pleasure, bit the nose off his wife and swallowed it.

Ahh!

I'm sorry Mimi, but this time I'm afraid I'm going to have to make you suffer a little.

Oh? Are you by any chance a sadist?

Now Mimi, you know...

a doctor has to be able to...

detach himself from...

other people's pain, or else...

change his profession.

Open please.

(drill starts up) Well... don't detach yourself too much for my sake.

Don't talk with your mouth full, hmm?

(drill starts up) Oooh...

- Arghh! - Now Mimi, stop that!

Don't be silly or you'll hurt yourself.

(drill starts up)

Ohh... Argh... Ohh!

Mimi, don't wriggle.

Please.

Look where your detachment ended up.

Now now... detachment from other people's suffering I said. Not my own.

Hmm. Your suffering?

- Mimi, don't provoke me. - Why not?

Will he tell his wife he had a hard day's work?

Now, aren't you supposed to resist, or something?

Why should I?

I'd hate to have to look for another dentist.

There's such a convenient place to park outside.

Great shot!

You're really getting good, I'll make you a champ yet!

(whip cracks)

(whip cracks)

(whip cracks)

Remember to keep your knees bent. Ready?

- Are you tired? - Aha.

I've worn you out, eh?

(Tennis Instructor singing in shower) ♪ I'm the strongest man in the world... ♪

♪ La la la la la la la la... ♪

♪ They call me La la la... ♪

♪ They call me the strongest man in the world... ♪

♪ La la la la la la la la... ♪

♪ I'm the strongest man in the world... ♪

♪ I'm the strongest man in the world. ♪

- Hello. - Huh?

B-b-but signora, this is the Men's shower.

Show me.

- But signora, I'm in training. - Oh...

I'm in training.

Help!

MEN

An interesting fact from the point of view of these physiological relations

is a certain histological concordance between the nose and other erogenous zones.

It has been observed that sexual excitement

often manifests itself in the accompanying phenomena of nasal irritation,

causing violent...

sneezes.

(loud sneeze)

And for three years, I've been having shots for hay fever!

Hay fever!

(busy traffic)

(engine cuts out)

Oh, damn.

Ciao!

Hello. Wanna take a ride?

Thanks, I was waiting.

Well, I'm sorry if I'm late but I've been busy.

(laughs)

I wonder what men like this do with girls who walk the streets for a living?

(slap)

(slap)

He's not bad looking.

Alright.

You're forgiven.

But next time, don't keep me waiting.

- Hey, are you out of your skull? - No.

Well, maybe.

- What difference does it make? - None, none!

- Well, thank you. - Oh...

(gasps) Oh... Oh no.

- I wasn't expecting. - What an actress!

Well... can't say it wasn't worth it.

- Well, thank you. - Ciao, baby.

Be a good girl!

To Viale Parioli.

(taxi engine starts up)

(laughs)

♪ (party music) ♪ (Armando Trovajoli - Fiorella with the Umbrella)

Ciao, my dear.

Well, I'm glad you brought your hair with you, eh?

Good evening.

I understand. You did it for revenge.

What if I did?

In other words, it was me because I happened to be on hand.

You didn't really care who it was.

- So? - Will you see me again?

No, I won't see you again.

What do you care?

Me or someone else.

The traffic that passes through that...

- pleasuredrome of yours. - Hmm...

Are you having me watched?

Poor Sandro.

You are taking it badly.

(party chatter and laughter)

- You are a slut! - Hmm.

- Anyone would do with me. - Yes.

Anyone but you.

And that drives you mad, eh?

Like that programme on television.

Thirty seconds to answer, and the first answer is the one that counts.

Do you want to marry me?

Oh Mimi, what ever's got into your head?

Go on, I want to know. Honestly.

I'm not the kind you'd marry?

That is, not anymore.

I didn't say that.

(Mimi chuckles)

But that's what you meant.

Franco believed that there were two kinds of women.

Wives, and other women.

Now I'm not a wife anymore, so...

- Mimi, how are you? - Fine.

Now which category does Claudia belong to?

The kind you marry?

To her husband. But the kind you don't to mine.

(giggles)

May I be permitted to share the joke with you?

(Mimi sneezes)

- Bless you. - Thank you.

Thank you. What a cruel face.

- Do we know each other? - We were introduced.

Then we do.

I work in Africa.

- That's interesting. - Why?

Because I've never done anything interesting.

That's interesting.

(Fabrizio) Erm, my father-in-law is looking for you.

Will you excuse me? That's why I'm here.

- Yes, certainly. - Thank you.

- How have you been? - Fine.

May I?

- To Mimi. - But I...

To Mimi.

I'm serious.

Thank you. That's very sweet.

Friend of the family, and husband of your best friend.

- Fabrizio! - No honestly, I admire you.

I can admire you, can't I?

Like a father?

Well, uncle?

Or brother, if you like?

Alright, but no incest.

Be careful, he goes overboard very easily.

Has he told you he'd like to be your brother?

No.

After that, he sends flowers usually.

And sometimes goes as far as nocturnal phone calls.

But that's where it ends, because by then he's already met another.

Luckily, we know masses of people.

I'm dreading the day when he starts on strangers.

We ought to see more of each other, you and I.

Yes, we should.

If for no other reason than that we're both widows of sorts.

Your dress is quite delicious.

- So is yours, Claudia. - Really?

It's a Denise original.

She's the only person I go to now.

You ought to come with me sometime.

She's preparing a new line which comes out in the autumn.

- Her style would suit you, I know. - I'd love to.

- You're religious? - What?

Oh, this?

Have a closer look.

I always wear it, it's rather special.

Oh, how original. It's a beetle.

- Are they supposed to be lucky? - In a certain sense.

- If one likes little creatures. - It's lovely.

- But it's alive! - Yes, very much so when he's awake.

My God, you'd think she was in love with it.

(gun shots)

Claudia...

He's pleasing, pity he seems to sleep most of the time.

What are you doing?

You wear him for a while. I'll lend him to you.

I...

I'd be afraid of squashing it.

Don't worry about him. He's only an insect.

One's the same as another. Like men, no?

In Italy, they have excellent wine and a dubious educational system...

both of which you have to admit are expensive.

What rubbish you talk.

(group laughs)

When you get on your hobbyhorse, nobody can get you off.

Shall we... start again?

Mm-hmm.

(Fabrizio) Russian education's good.

- You're right. - Don't you agree?

But not the one.

- Are you two friends? - Almost.

He's already asked if he can take me home.

♪ (light music) ♪ (Armando Trovajoli - L'amore dice ciao, waltz theme)

Do you live here?

In a manner of speaking.

Ah, you don't live here.

No.

(fabric tears) (surprised gasp)

(loud slap) (surprised gasp)

(loud slaps and gasps)

(gasps)

Come on, fight back!

(fabric rips) Fight back, damn you!

- Come on, fight me! - No!

Fight back, damn you! (screams)

Come on! (struggling and screams)

- Come on! - Let me go!

Damn you, go on! (gasps)

(cries and struggles)

No!

(cries)

(gasps and cries)

(cries stop)

(fabric rips)

(sighs of pleasure)

What was it Mother used to say?

If you can't avoid it, relax and enjoy it.

(sighs) Oh, Mother!

Were you in a particular hurry, or do you always do this?

I enjoy it.

As a child, I used to tear all my schoolbooks to shreds.

Then how did you manage to get your degree?

I changed the object of my desires in time.

You don't enjoy it, do you?

Don't bother to answer. (glass chinks)

Pity, you could be good. But you won't abandon yourself.

You're right.

It's always been like that.

I don't enjoy making love.

Is that possible?

And I hate being slapped and insulted.

It's as good as any other way of...

I don't care for having my brand new evening dress torn to bits either, thank you.

But there are people who enjoy being hurt.

I prefer to hurt.

Of course...

if you loved me, maybe you could learn to enjoy this kind of thing, with practice.

Well...

Maybe I could try to love you.

(laughs) No no no, there's no need.

I'm going to Africa.

I thought you knew that?

Well, I could come with you, couldn't I?

Ah ah... I'll be very busy there, I haven't time.

Besides, I'm not your type.

What's this, an example of pop-art?

No, it's the only money I ever earned in my life.

It's a kind of... souvenir.

Well...

Ciao.

Well, ciao, whatever your name was.

I never did find out.

Funny.

After such a brief but violent acquaintance,

I think you know me better than I know myself.

Does anyone ever really know himself?

Poor little thing.

I saved you from the fury of that brute last night.

A man confessed that as a youth, he was attracted to a parrot.

He remembers what difficulty he had in attempting to kiss it, without getting pecked.

Animals are commonly employed for superficial stimulation.

The smaller they are the less they are capable of.

My poor, foolish little lover. All you can do is tickle.

I don't even know if you're a boy or a girl beetle.

(maid, surprised) What is it? It tickles!

Do you like it Maria?

It's frightful! (shrieks)

What about it Maria, tell me, hmm?

Don't be silly, it's only a beetle.

Pull the sheet down, I'll tickle you, OK?

No, please, its revolting!

It doesn't matter.

I suppose that you and Aurelio... play around?

Do you ever try anything different?

What does he do? (sobs)

- He's a plumber. - I know that.

Well, come on...

Tell me.

What does he do?

Does he pinch you?

Does he pinch you or not?

Does he beat you?

He doesn't beat you?

No!

(cries)

No one sees you anymore, no one hears from you.

Your girlfriends call me asking for news of you.

Frankly, I don't know what to tell them.

Well, don't tell them anything.

What's happening to you, Mimi?

I don't understand you.

What's passed is past.

Now you've got to come back to life.

You're young, pretty.

You've lost weight, too.

You don't want to end up in a convent, do you?

No, it's not what I had in mind.

- Well, you absolutely have to... - Signora!

I just finished the work I came to do.

Well, who are you? What do you want?

Well, I straightened the pipe in the tank.

How dare you!

Go! Go away at once!

Can't you see?

Yes, I can. I don't need glasses.

Oh Mother, I don't understand why you get so upset.

It's only Aurelio, the plumber.

Mimi. You don't realise.

He's one of the family. He's Maria's fiancé.

I'm going to call Tony this minute, and arrange for your check-up.

- I think you need it. - Mm-hmm.

Nice fiancée you have.

What is it, Maria?

These flowers have just been delivered.

Mmm. (giggles)

Fabrizio.

- I beg your pardon, signora? - Nothing.

Poor Fabrizio.

According to Claudia, the next move will be a nocturnal phone call.

Oh, Mimi. My Dear.

Excuse me, but I'm alone in the house.

Claudia's not coming back till late, didn't you know?

Of course I did, stupid. I made the appointment for her.

- Are you going to send me away? - No. No no no, come in.

I was just about to make myself some tea.

Today is the maid's day off, you know?

I know, that's why I chose Sunday.

- Would you like a cup? - Sorry, you were saying?

(chuckles) If you'd like a cup?

Mm-hmm. (Fabrizio chuckles)

But I won't be responsible for the result.

(both chuckle)

- Wait just a minute. - Mm-hmm.

(giggles)

Now I suppose he'll ask me if I received his roses.

(chuckles smugly)

Did you get my roses?

I've been waiting in vain for your nocturnal phone call.

You've been listening to Claudia again.

Isn't that your standard technique?

Now, Mimi. Mimi.

Please, don't joke with me. Please?

Here you can see the hand of an artist.

Did you create it all by yourself?

Almost all of it, yes.

Tell me something.

Did Franco know nothing of all this?

Why don't you ask him?

Or your wife.

Sorry.

I didn't want to be indiscreet.

Life's too short to waste even a second of it, don't you think?

Yes, you're so right.

And there are very few people who accept the challenge of their desires.

I'd like you...

to meet a girl friend of mine.

She's an extraordinary girl, and err...

If you like, we could invite her here one day.

Now we begin to see the real Fabrizio.

How about tomorrow?

(suspenseful marimba music)

If she makes the tiniest scratch I'll scream, I swear it!

Go on, scream you silly girl!

(feeble scream)

You can scream far louder than that!

(proper scream)

I'm here! Leave her alone.

Miserable savage!

Beast of the jungle.

Drop that knife!

Or I'm gonna let you have it.

(gunshot) (shrieks)

(whip cracks) Arghh...

That's it, yes, yes.

(whip cracks)

Oh, yes. Ahh... ahh...

No, no...

(whip cracks) Yes, oh...

Here, right here. Give it to me harder!

Faster. Ohh...

Faster, oh... lovely.

You... you beast!

(whip cracks) Beast! Yes...

Stop it! Stop it!

Mimi!

- But what's the matter? - That's enough.

What are you doing?

It's only strawberry jam.

You're a...

- You're nothing but a whore. - Fabrizio...

Your wife's best friend?

I hope you remembered not to have any breakfast?

- You mean you forgot? - Mmm.

- No? - Mm-hmm.

Yes or no? (mumbles)

- I mean I didn't. - Forget?

Err, no.

Well, it's very important.

A certain analysis.

Come on, I'll hand you over to my team.

♪ (light music) ♪ (Armando Trovajoli - L'amore dice ciao)

(Doctor) Don't worry, almost over.

Vampire.

Hands up. That's it.

Let's get this hair out of the way.

Closer.

Keep 'em up.

This one's more like a bank robber.

Don't breathe.

(switches and dials click)

Excuse me.

Don't breathe.

(dials click)

Now breathe.

Would you take the rest of your clothing off?

(electrical whirring)

(sneezes)

Feel cold? Never mind.

He's detached from his patient alright.

Well.

You can move over here now.

Ow!

Didn't you see the step?

Does it look as if I saw it?

As a matter of fact, I was trying to commit suicide, doctor.

Now let's see.

(whimpers) Do you feel pain?

A bit.

Nothing broken, I'd say.

But since you're here, we'll have it x-rayed.

- Can you stand? - I don't know, I'll try.

(whimpers)

- My right ankle is agony. - Agony? Hmm.

I'll carry you.

What are you doing?

Aren't you going to take me in your arms?

Haven't you ever read the manual of First Aid.

I will, as soon as I finish the book of the month club choice, I promise.

The person doing the carrying must be able to see where he is going,

otherwise he might wind up as a patient too.

Hang on.

- You're very light. - So I'm told.

Giddy up. That's a boy.

- Huh? - Nothing.

(sneezes)

(sneezes again)

Many literary works describe Phillida riding on the back of Aristotle.

An ancient poem contains this passage:

Phillida refused to part with her virginity for money,

so she willingly agreed to comply with another whim.

Taking down the saddle from the wall, she mounted it on his back

and he, content, allowed her to ride him up and down the garden.

Signora, the professor is here.

Who? Oh alright Maria, show him in.

(storm brewing)

Sit down, Tony.

So, how long do I have to live?

Probably forever.

You're as healthy as a horse. How's the ankle?

Funny clinic you have, where people come in healthy and go out crippled.

It's not the only one, believe me.

May I?

It hurts, eh? And this weather doesn't help.

After all, anything that was good enough for Aristotle.

Yes. It's terribly hot.

Actually, Tony...

I'd be very grateful if you could carry me out to the terrace for a breath of fresh air.

Er? Ah, yes. Carry you in my arms.

No Tony, never take a patient in your arms.

Haven't you read the First Aid manual?

The person doing the carrying must be able to see where he's going,

or he might wind up as a patient too.

You surprise me.

- How then? - On your back.

Ride...

- Ride a Cockhorse? - Sure!

Up!

Your mother's right.

- You've never grown up. - My mother was right.

Ahh. (giggles)

No, no, please. Once round the terrace.

You're out of your... your mind!

Out here, on the terrace?

But we can be seen!

Go on Tony, no one's round in this weather.

This weather, they're right!

(door slams shut) Hey, what are you doing?

(thunderstorm brewing)

No, please Tony! Don't be mean, that's not fair!

Maria! (thunder)

Come on, Mimi! Call Maria.

It wouldn't do any good, she wouldn't hear me.

Then I'll call her.

(loud thunder) Maria!

(laughs)

I guess you're right.

Sorry.

(heavy rain) Ahh, rain!

(laughter)

Where can we shelter?

I don't want to shelter. Take me for a ride.

- What? - Just take me for a ride.

- Where? - Round the terrace.

Go on, let's go Aristotle!

- Aristotle? - Yes!

What's Aristotle got to do with it, Mimi?

- Mmmm... - You need a psychiatrist!

Ohhh... Ahhh...

How did you get in this situation?

(sighs)

- Blackmail. How could you? - Well, what does it matter?

He wasn't just any old plumber.

- He's Maria's fiancée. - Mimi...

Maria's always so happy.

Content.

I just wanted to find out why.

Mimi, please be serious. This concerns you.

I cannot understand what's got into you.

Throwing yourself away like this.

Mimi, you're sick. You need a cure.

Well...

Maybe I really am a whore?

Every so often, someone tells me so.

But the strange thing is that they call me one

only when I say "no".

Or when I stop saying "yes".

Isn't that funny?

You already had one going in the ashtray.

Listen, don't get me involved in this.

It's not included in my professional duties.

You're right.

But how was I to know what kind of man he was?

And you're the only one I can turn to.

Well, from now on, you'll have to manage on your own.

And try to be a... little more discreet.

A little more discerning in your choice of company.

I swear I will.

From now on, it's lawyers and other professional men only.

Obviously, for a thorough examination, we require two cameras.

Please pay attention.

One camera to x-ray from the top of the patient,

and the other camera to be used from behind.

Why doesn't he say bottom?

Signora, drink your soup.

- It's getting cold. - Yes, hmm.

Signor Maldini called.

Did you tell him I was asleep?

- Er yes, but he... - He didn't believe you?

- No signora. - Alright, just continue to tell him.

Mm-hmm.

The thermo-electric tube is attached to the...

- Excuse me... - Yes?

There is a mistake there under that thing.

I imagine you are referring to the thermo-electric tube?

Mmm. It...

It can't be "C" if the energy of "K Level" is eq...

equal to...

- I hope you don't mind? - Hmm.

Presumably, this is the first of these classes you've attended?

Mm-hmm, yes.

- Do you have a name? - Err...

Delleani. Mimi Delleani.

- Mimi? - Oh, I'm sorry. Margherita.

I wonder if you'd recognise my x-rays?

Signorina Delleani...

Signorina Delleani...

- Are you deaf? - No.

Are you busy?

Will you do a little research for me in the library?

- Well, actually I... - Yes or no?

- Yes. - Good.

♪ (jovial music) ♪ (Armando Trovajoli - L'amore dice ciao)

Aren't you hungry? Oh, sorry.

It's nearly half past two. Aren't you famished?

You like studying?

Well... yes.

You gave it up for a reason?

I married.

- And now? - Widow.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- You're early, signora. - Take these, Maria.

Oh, what lovely flowers.

(Maria giggles)

Sandro Maldini.

When are you going to finish this interminable sleeping cure?

Did err Mr. Maldini telephone again?

Oh, almost every day.

I always tell him exactly what you told me to, that signora is sleeping.

Alright, you continue to say that.

And this, what's this Maria?

It was delivered an hour ago.

"Galileo Galilei"

Ahh, my professor.

At last, things are beginning to happen.

Slowly, but surely.

The weekend's coming up.

Tomorrow will be Saturday.

- Right? - Aha.

I mentioned some excavations.

What excavations? Oh yes, I remember.

Well, I'd like to drive the car down there and have a look this weekend.

Mmm, that's a very good idea.

It's a pretty place.

Ille is a very important example of its time.

A doctor whose hobby is archaeology.

You're gonna need patience and fortitude.

What did you say?

- Shall we go together? - I'd love to.

It'll mean spending the night?

No one'll wait up for me.

Fine.

♪ (jovial music) ♪ (Armando Trovajoli - L'amore dice ciao)

Hmm. It's only a pile of old rocks.

It's a very rare example.

Of its period.

I'm sure it's important to history and architecture,

but when do we get to biology?

(horse neighs)

Ahhh... oooh.

(cries in mock pain) Didn't you see the step?

It's a weak ankle. I slipped on a loose stone.

Let's see.

(feigns pain)

You pulled a tendon, that's all.

Try to stand on it.

Ow.

- Oh, no. - No?

If he says one word about the First Aid manual...

Come on, what are you waiting for?

I'll bite him!

Up!

Now tell me I'm light.

You're very light.

It's a good thing, it's a long way.

To the car, you know?

Phillida knew what she was up to with Aristotle.

Are you quite sure we haven't already met?

Um... I've never been so sure of anything in my life.

I'm sorry, but we only have a room with twin beds, sir.

Is there another hotel? Can we telephone?

At Agropoli, twenty miles from here, and the road's bad.

The only telephone is in the post office, but that's closed at this hour.

That's alright, we'll take a double room.

You're tired, me too.

I'll sleep in the car.

Don't even consider it. There's no need.

(clears throat)

Professor, I'm ready.

- Do you want to read? - No thank you.

- Good night. - Good night.

Good night.

Shall I turn out the light?

- Aha, go ahead. - I will.

Oh!

- Good night. - Good night.

- I'll turn out the light. - Mmm.

- Are you asleep yet? - No.

Listen, do you mind if I ask you something important?

If you like.

I get the impression that you fell over...

in my radiology room.

Mm-hmm.

You know, I'm not enrolled at the university.

I never was.

And I worked like a slave for a week to memorise all those formulas.

But that's enough.

That's all over.

Hmm?

(car engine running)

- Mimi. - Yes?

When will you marry me?

Look, you're under no obligation.

Do I seem obligated?

- No, but... - But?

You hardly know me.

- In the biblical sense I know you. - Oh, don't joke about it.

I'm serious.

I'm not the sort of person you think I am. Like to hear the story of my life?

- From when you were a little girl? - No, from when I grew up.

- Have you a liaison? - No.

- Are you in love with anyone else? - No, no one.

- Well then. - Is there nothing worse than that?

No.

I don't think so.

If you're hot, I'll turn on the cooler.

Don't stop!

Don't stop I said, don't stop. Don't you understand?

Would you mind telling me what you're doing?

I want to make a scandal.

I want you to find out what kind of a woman I am.

Remember Lady Godiva?

Yes, she stripped in order to force her husband to do something or other.

But er...

Her hair was longer than yours.

Hmm.

What's the matter?

You starting to worry about your position?

- Can I help you? - No thank you, I can manage.

(car skids loudly to a halt)

- What are you doing? - I need gas.

You're keeping your panties on?

Do you really want gas?

I don't want it exactly.

I need it. We're on reserve.

♪ (pop song plays softly) ♪ (Marisa Galvan - Se te ne vai)

- Fill her up. - Right away, sir.

Don't you want to serve me?

Hey, Gino. Clean the windshield.

Alright, alright.

I can't be in two places at once. Keep your shirt on.

I feel like a coffee. Would you like to join me at the bar?

No?

- Would you like it with sugar, sir? - Yes, thank you.

♪ (pop song continues, loudly) ♪ (Marisa Galvan - Se te ne vai)

Excuse me.

♪ (light music) ♪ (Armando Trovajoli - L'amore dice ciao, waltz theme)

Wake up, we've arrived now Mimi.

When will you marry me, Mimi?

Not until I've slept for at least twelve hours.

When will you marry me, Mimi?

(Mimi sighs)

If you want a reply to your question,

be at Via Due Torri, number 37 tomorrow morning at twelve o'clock precisely.

There's no porter,

but as the scriptures say, "Knock, and it shall be opened unto you".

- Here. - No, no keep it, you'll catch cold.

I don't need that to keep warm.

♪ (light music) ♪ (Armando Trovajoli - L'amore dice ciao, slow take)

- Good evening. - Evening.

Signora. Signora. It's 10 o'clock.

- 10 o'clock when? - 10 o'clock today I imagine.

Yes, I imagine so.

- Mr. Maldini is waiting. - On the telephone?

No, in there. He's been there an hour.

I told him you were asleep but he gave me a funny look and I said it was true this time.

He said he wanted to see you, and sat down.

He's been there ever since.

Alright, you tell him I'll be in right away.

Your dress, signora. Where did you leave it?

Er, somewhere between Caserta and Frosinone I think.

I realise that you're proposing a very sensible contract.

Busy mature man, tired of chasing the young fillies and a pleasant young widow

of good background, and lousy reputation.

Convenient relationship with no risk for either party.

Put it any way you like. The truth is, I can't go on without you.

How long will you give me?

What's holding you back?

- The professor? - Ah, you know that too?

So you're still having me watched?

I'm leaving. In fifteen days, so...

So you want me to decide right away?

I have so little time, but don't worry.

I could look after your visas,

but you have to be vaccinated for cholera, typhoid, smallpox, yellow fever.

It takes time.

- I can give you three days, no more. - Three days?

- Do you want my passport? - It would be a good idea.

- No obligation? - No obligation.

That's enough.

- Satisfied? - Mm-hmm.

It might win a prize at the Venice Festival.

This kind of film is very "in" at the moment.

Well.

I want to know your reply.

- When do we get married? - Ohh!

What are you, mad, stupid or blind?

- Did you have your glasses on for the film? - Yes, I always wear my glasses when I go to the cinema.

Didn't you see the sweet girl of your heart, doing more than Salomé ever dreamed of?

Yes, I did. I saw the sweet girl of my heart.

Making love with strange companions let's say.

Diverse ways that er...

That er...

Illustrated a fertile imagination.

You hate imagination, eh?

No, I wouldn't say that.

Particularly when it's applied to family life.

There's a good deal to be said for fantasy in the home you know...

wouldn't you agree?

- You don't really mean that, do you? - Yes, I'm quite serious.

The most exciting lover a girl could possibly have is her own husband.

Oh really? Now judge me!

Well, I guess you had a reason for doing that.

I did it because I felt like doing it.

- Now that's an excellent idea. - What?

To destroy everything in this place.

No, not that! It's valuable.

(loud smash)

(chuckles)

(loud smash)

(laughs)

- When will you marry me, Mimi?? - Leave me alone!

(vinyl snaps)

When are you going to answer my question?

Eh?

Do you think I'm going to sit around darning your socks?

- Why not? - Or ironing your shirts?

Why not? Marry me.

That's becoming a fixation.

(screams) What are you doing?

Something that should have been done a long time ago!

(loud slaps) When will you marry me!

Mimi!

I have no intention of being faithful to you for the rest of my life.

- Well nobody asked you to. - No?

You don't want me to be faithful to you?

I'm ready to run the risk.

- When? - Never!

When?

(sobs)

(loud slap)

When?

Alright, you win.

When?

There's still something you don't know.

You're terrifying me, Mimi.

Did you murder your first husband?

No, worse.

(sniffles)

(Carlo) You see, there was no need to be nervous.

- It was a beautiful ceremony. - Yes, it was.

(Mimi) But I couldn't wait for them all to go.

(Carlo) Impatient, eh?

Are you sure you don't mind?

No, of course not. Everyone has his own thing.

- If you read Freud, you'll see... - Do you think that this is quite the moment?

Well, let me see. Freud explains it like this.

He says modern civilisation is based on...

the repressions of natural instincts.

That's the basis of Man's unhappiness.

Women's too, don't you think?

No, when I speak of Man, I mean humanity.

Hup!

Hup, hup!

And sex, Mimi...

Sex... should be taken lightly.

It should make you happy.

Don't you think so?

The whole thing depends on an attitude of mind, you see.

It requires...

richness of invention,

and absolute sincerity.

In other words truth.

Come on, my brave stallion.

You have to learn to love life.

Treat it like a game.

You can have fun.

And you should.

Are you tired?

Oh, no. No no.

I can keep it up for another five minutes.

- Keep it up as long as you can. - Yes.

Finding the right one.

(groans)

It's as simple as that!

(L'amore dice ciao - Andee Silver - English version) ♪ Don't let love go away ♪

♪ I'll say I'm sorry ♪

♪ You say you'll understand ♪

♪ I know that I hurt you ♪

♪ Pretend it never happened ♪

♪ It was only a dream ♪

♪ A new day is just dawning ♪

♪ Now's our chance to begin ♪

♪ To take off where we left off ♪

♪ Lovers racing to win ♪

♪ I'll never change my life ♪

♪ As long as I may live, you'll see ♪

♪ You're the only one for me ♪

♪ If you want me ♪

♪ You'll never be denied ♪

♪ Anything you ask, I'll do ♪

♪ My heart belongs to only you ♪

♪ If you want me ♪

♪ Pretend it never happened ♪

♪ It was only a dream ♪

♪ A new day is just dawning ♪

♪ Now's our chance to begin ♪

♪ To take off where we left off ♪

♪ Lovers racing to win ♪

♪ I'll never change my life ♪

♪ As long as I may live, you'll see ♪

♪ You're the only one for me ♪

♪ If you want me ♪

♪ You'll never be denied ♪

♪ Anything you ask, I'll do ♪