Original subtitles

Oh...

Just let me think, Nathaniel.

We're going to die, Harper.

You're not going to die.

Okay, we might die.

Hold me.

All right, good baby?

Oh, yeah, baby.

What did you do to me?

What did you do to me?

Whoa, whoa, what is it?

- This is really bad. - What's bad?

They're-they're-they're...

They're rioting. - What the fuck?

What? - Rioting.

Who's writing?

The penchods are rioting.

- Rioting?! - Uh-huh.

I thought you said fucking writing!

Hey, hey, hey!

You listen to me.

All you have to do is radio the other guards.

Radio 'em now.

No? Why?

Me and Harper are the guards.

Oh! The only guards?

Only two.

Focus. Focus.

We can do this together.

Okay, focus.

Who is in danger right now?

Who is in immediate danger?

- Me. - Not you, you selfish lun.

- Harper. - Yeah, Nate.

My Nate is in danger.

Nida!

Right, I need you all to get all the meds

and the other addictive jelly tots.

Bring them to moi.

Can we, uh, keep some for ourselves?

You know what?

It's a celebration.

You enjoy yourself, my funny little crackhead.

Thanks, Megalamummy.

Research has shown

that many doctors fantasize about killing their patients.

Doctor Nida, are you there, over?

Officer Sajid, I've warned you.

If you ask if you can brush my hair again,

I'll be forced to report you.

No, no, no.

Piss off, over.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Trying to brush girls' hair at work.

Shut up, man!

Nida, Nida, it's Mobeen.

Mobeen? What the hell is going on?

There's a riot kicking off down here.

Okay, Mega's got Sajid's keys

and he's letting all of the men out.

Shit.

And also...

I think Saj tried to kiss me whilst I was asleep.

All right, shut the fuck up!

- You did. - Lies, lies, lies!

- Your lips were on me. - Lies, lies, lies!

Listen to me.

You've got to get the brother off the ward

because they'll be coming for the meds.

I can't move Chippy on my own.

You're not gonna have to.

I'm coming.

I promise you.

Okay, thank you, Mobeen.

- Over. - You're such a geek.

Fuck off.

You're such a geek. - My go!

Okay, everyone who can get up,

we've got to move.

Now. Now, now, now.

This is bad, really bad.

Oh, where you going?

Memory Stick need my help.

I must leave.

- Huh? - Smell piss in here.

It's your piss, Bear Grylls.

Mr. Bear Gryll would not baste his face in this manner,

you stupid bastard.

What?

I will be back.

All right, Arnie.

Them men ain't gonna fuck with you, blud.

Okay.

I hate you.

Don't.

If Father Christmas was from Pakistan, yeah?

You'd be his main elf.

Shut the fuck up.

Okay, here's the plan.

Oh, plan, yes, yes, plan.

I'm gonna go sound the alarm for the Tornado Team.

And how long till they get here?

Max 24 minutes.

They're called Tornado Team for a reason.

Why are they called that?

These lot are the SAS of the prison rescue service.

Elite squadron.

They will spin your little bund.

Enough about strong men entering my bund.

I'm gonna leave here.

I'm gonna get Chippy and Nida.

I'm gonna go get Harper and Nate.

And then we're all gonna meet back in the chaplaincy.

- Plan. - Saj?

- What? - I promise you,

I'll keep Chippy safe.

Pinky promise.

Promise them people ain't going to enter my bund, please.

Whatever's about to take place out there-

Yeah.

I believe in you.

All I needed was your validation, bro.

You'll always be my...

Piss off!

You look adorable when I look at you.

No.

In year seven,

I should've just ignored those stupid eyes of his.

We need to get out of here, Nathaniel.

Ever since that day,

those big brown, camel like eyes have got us in more trouble

than a Pakistani soap opera.

So much drama in them.

And every mother-in-laws are the devil.

I don't get it.

- Will you shut up? - Oh.

We need to stay focused, all right?

There's a prison riot out there.

Oh, yeah, fair point.

We need to get you out of here.

Once everyone knows you're about,

it's going to be pulled pork for dinner.

I thought most of this lot only do halal.

Oh, they'll make an exception for you,

just like all the other haram-related activities

that got them in here.

We need to find a safe space.

The ward.

They'll be heading there for the gear.

Shit, yes.

Uh, the gym.

Heavy metal that can be used to cave my head in.

No, thanks. - Yeah, we don't want that.

Then there's only one place to go.

Way ahead of ya.

We are thinking of the same place, right?

Move, bastard.

Why does it feel like you've done that 100 times?

I have crawled through 63 holes in my life.

64 if you include birth.

- Why are we here? - Safest space.

Who are you?

I mean, who are you really?

I'm the Batman.

Just joking.

Batman is too white.

Almost racistly white.

Oh, my God, yeah.

He inherited all this wealth.

He is racistly white.

Blades.

That's a superhero, you idiot.

I'll have to scan each one of you out

into the yard individually,

so go slow and wait for me.

Right, we can't wait any longer,

I've got to get you out.

Oh, I'm fucked up.

I can't even taste or smell anymore.

Uh, that might be COVID.

I knew that old fart next to me had it.

I'm defo dead.

Tell my mum I love her.

Relax. You've had it, like, seven times.

Look, I need to get you out of here quick.

They're on their way

and they're going to raid the shit out of this place.

Do you understand?

Yeah, it's been a good run.

Tell the streets I died a king!

King, a little overdramatic, blud.

Ha-ha.

Okay, Agent James Bond.

Whoa!

What the fuck?

Where did you come from, Mobeen?

The vent.

Shady taught me about them, man.

He said it reminds him of the birth canal.

You fuck, fuck.

Shut up, would you? Shut up.

You came for Chippy?

I did come for Chippy, yeah.

But I also came for you.

But I know you don't need my help, man,

'cos you doing your ting and you don't need me, so...

Mobeen, you're good people.

You better not kiss over my dead corpse.

Oh, fucking shut up!

This ain't Love Island, blud.

Love Island, yeah?

I'll remember how it is, yeah.

When I get outta here,

I'm taking your mum to Love Island.

You know the way I fell on you,

I'm gonna fall on your mum, with consent.

Sex on Love...

How do you want me now?

Get the fuck out.

Out, out.

Okay, three.

- Two. - One.

Oh, are we going in at one or after one?

Well, one's in the past.

We go now.

- Three- - No more fucking countdowns.

I don't understand what's happening anymore.

Oh.

I'm here to save you, brothers.

Saj, are you shrinking?

Are those Hammer pants?

Those are a trip hazard in these current circumstances.

Shut the fuck up.

We need to sound the alarm so let's go!

Wow. So you were waiting there.

You had the rifle set up.

What happened next?

I just shoot them all.

- You just gotta shoot 'em. - Yeah.

You just got to shoot every single one.

Bam, bam, bam.

Yeah, you just have to do what you have to do.

Oh, my God, that's so cool.

You've got this amazing energy.

I'm just kind of vibing off it right now.

Mm.

Does Mobeen know

that you were leader of Special Ops in Karachi?

No, no.

He think I'm Head of Recruitment at KPMG.

Right, yeah.

Easy to get those two mixed up.

Don't tell him about it.

I like it when he think I'm a weirdo man.

I just want to look out for him.

His father was a good man.

My best friend.

Your secret's safe with me.

You still need to give that memory stick

to Mobeen tonight.

How do you know about the memory stick?

I know everything.

Give it to him so he can finish the big bastard, Khan.

Oh, the alarm's in there.

But those fuckers are in the officer's box.

I'll be right back.

Fuck. Tornado incoming!

Go, go!

On God, you are heavy for a skinny guy.

Mobeen's doing nothing here.

I can see.

My back is still hurting

from falling through that vent.

Your back?

I need to see a chiropractor right now.

Come here, come here, come here.

Lie here, lie here.

Get in there.

Fuck. That was hard.

That was hard, man.

Listen to me.

Are you sure that's everybody?

Yeah, that's everyone.

That alarm is blaring off right now,

which means Tornado Team will be here quick time.

Are you sure the man dem can't get out here?

100%.

They need my key card to get through here

and they need it to exit the prison.

Man, I wanna get outta here so bad.

You know, just a couple of years ago, yeah,

I would've got your key card, ding, fuck of...

Yeah? What's stopping you?

I need to get back to my boys, man.

It is what it is.

Look after Saj.

Of course.

Give me your jacket.

You've got bear fat to keep you warm.

I need to get back into the infirmary.

These lot need their meds.

What? That's a madness.

I'll be fine.

And if not,

it's what it is.

Huh? Bismillah!

No gas,

you were like some little Jason Statham shit back there.

I never thought I'd see the day, Sajid,

but that was very impressive indeed.

Come on, fellas.

You know I be out here,

fucking up mans left, right and center.

After school,

I used to go home and spar on the pads with my mum.

I got so good that she had to have me arrested.

I knocked out my neighbor's cat

and she ended up in the tree.

I spent two years training with Shaolin monks.

They wanted to make me elite grandmaster.

Do you understand what that means?

What's up?

Oh, shit.

Well, well, well.

Little Sajaloo.

What do you say, boys?

How about a little barbecued piggy for dinner?

I've been waiting for a long time!

Come on, boys.

Fuck, Nate, get into the chaplaincy.

Who is it?

It's me, bastard.

If you call me bastard again,

I will punch your tits off.

Sorry, Uncle.

Shady, are the boys here?

Only Memory Stick.

Who's that?

Chaplaincy's round the corner!

Ah, shit, that must be them.

Uncle, there's a lot of very angry men coming.

Don't worry.

When they come, we spray.

Huh? What you going to do?

Foam them to death.

I'll kill them with tear gas.

Very danger.

Hi, hi, very danger.

They're right behind us.

Nate, Harper, Saj!

Get here!

Ugh, my eyes!

Whoa!

Get back, get back.

Run, run, run, run.

Woo, hey, did you see that?

Let me tell ya, oh...

Oh, that was good cardiovascular, my bros.

Yes or no? Am I right?

Hey, good thing it wasn't you, Mobeen.

You'd have died after the first 12 steps.

Come on!

- Colin. - This feels good. What?

Would you like me to push you out of the door?

No, don't. I'm just...

Are you sure?

I'm trying to find my way into the group and...

You're weird, bro.

Who are you?

- Hey, hey. - Count to ten, count to ten.

Brothers, good vibes in here.

Good vibes, the only.

In that case,

I think you might be needing the memory stick.

- Yes, please. - Please, sir.

Show us the motherfucking memory stick.

I've hidden it somewhere that no-one would ever look, mm.

Don't you have to do...

Where else was he going to hide it?

Come on.

Ah!

Got you guys.

No, there's no way I'd do that.

Not with my IBS.

It's in my sock.

Ta-da!

- It's the memory stick. - Yeah.

Harper, that's it.

- That's it, mate. - My brothers.

- That's it. - It's all over.

You did it, baby.

Bring it on in.

Finally, man.

Khan is gonna pay for what he's done to all of us.

But in the right way.

And he's gonna pay for what he did to Eight.

- Yeah, that's right. - Mm-hm.

It's time to celebrate.

You know how we celebrate?

Can I give you a tum-tum?

Come here, you.

Mobeen! Mobeen!

Nida?

Open up, Mobeen.

Poor thing's getting messy out here.

Just me and the doc coming in.

Open up.

Mega, if you do anything to her!

Enough of that.

Open this door.

Mega, come on, mate.

You don't have to do it like this.

Close the door.

Mobeen, this has been fun.

What are you doing?

Well, business is business.

I need that memory stick.

I loved you.

Shut your fucking mouth.

What would you do for your family?

'Cos me,

I'd do anything for my dad.

Her dad?

Who's her dad?

I'm not her dad, am I?

Oh, God, no, no, no.

Her dad is- - Khan.

Bingo.

Is that your dad, yeah?

Then you should tell your Abu,

he's a dead man walking.

Big man, don't make me laugh.

I mean, in a different world,

we could've been friends.

Come on, now.

You know how it is.

Family's family.

And one more thing.

Your sister?

Shit doctor.

Oh, come on.

Say that again.

Come here and say that again!

This is what happens to heroes, brother.

♪ When the night has come ♪

♪ And the moon is blue ♪

♪ I take the ride, I don't know ♪

♪ I've been looking for you ♪

♪ But the road is long ♪

The Tornado Team, incoming.

Get back!

Step back! Step back!

Mobeen. Mobeen, stay with us.

Mobs.

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Look, just...

Just stop speaking for a fucking minute!

Why have you invested in crypto?

Nobody's fucking investing in crypto, you dickhead.

I'll call you later.

Yes?

Excellent.

I have very high hopes for this one.

Her brother and I are old friends.

♪ All I want ♪

♪ Is to have some fun ♪

♪ In this dark hour ♪

♪ When you're here ♪

♪ It's all I need ♪

♪ To bring me back out, back out ♪

♪ Sing a love song ♪

♪ Sing a love song ♪

♪ Digging deep ♪