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1
00:00:08,206 --> 00:00:09,620
Shit!
2
00:00:09,620 --> 00:00:11,137
Ohh!
3
00:00:11,137 --> 00:00:12,310
Bitch, it's 10:04!
4
00:00:12,310 --> 00:00:13,896
I overslept!
I packed my alarm!
5
00:00:13,896 --> 00:00:15,517
I'll change so fast!
6
00:00:15,517 --> 00:00:17,241
No bra!
Save time!
7
00:00:17,241 --> 00:00:19,517
-It's 10:44.
-Okay, we got this.
8
00:00:19,517 --> 00:00:22,206
I am not letting you miss
your last NYCBEC, bitch!
9
00:00:22,206 --> 00:00:23,586
♪ Check, check, check,
check it ♪
10
00:00:23,586 --> 00:00:25,034
♪ Check it out ♪
11
00:00:25,034 --> 00:00:26,517
♪ What, what,
what's it all about ♪
12
00:00:26,517 --> 00:00:28,517
♪ Work, work, work, work,
work it out ♪
13
00:00:28,517 --> 00:00:31,379
I think we might get it,
dude!
14
00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:32,724
Oh, Jesus Christ.
15
00:00:32,724 --> 00:00:33,896
-Okay.
-Come on, sister.
16
00:00:33,896 --> 00:00:35,655
Come on.
We don't got time!
17
00:00:35,655 --> 00:00:38,034
♪ Nothing going on ♪
18
00:00:38,034 --> 00:00:39,655
Ma'ams,
children are dying!
19
00:00:39,655 --> 00:00:41,172
Ilana, cat pass!
20
00:00:41,172 --> 00:00:43,241
They're starving!
They're so hungry!
21
00:00:43,241 --> 00:00:44,758
You need to feed them!
22
00:00:44,758 --> 00:00:47,793
From the moment they're born,
they're dying!
23
00:00:47,793 --> 00:00:48,793
This isn't the end!
24
00:00:48,793 --> 00:00:50,241
Get us!
25
00:00:50,241 --> 00:00:51,724
-We're almost there.
-We're so close. Yes.
26
00:00:51,724 --> 00:00:52,896
Get ready for the best bacon,
egg, and cheese
27
00:00:52,896 --> 00:00:54,448
in New York City.
28
00:00:54,448 --> 00:00:55,517
Oh -- ohh.
29
00:00:55,517 --> 00:00:56,551
What?
30
00:00:56,551 --> 00:00:58,206
Oh!
31
00:00:58,206 --> 00:00:59,827
Oh, no!
32
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:02,206
♪ Four and three
and two and one -- one ♪
33
00:01:06,896 --> 00:01:09,137
I can't believe
that the bodega
34
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:11,931
with the best bacon, egg,
and cheese is literally gone.
35
00:01:11,931 --> 00:01:13,793
Okay, it's okay.
36
00:01:13,793 --> 00:01:16,482
We're gonna get one right now
and forget that ever happened
37
00:01:16,482 --> 00:01:17,896
when we're taking painful
38
00:01:17,896 --> 00:01:19,482
bacon, egg, and cheese shits
later, okay?
39
00:01:19,482 --> 00:01:21,827
-Oh, I can't wait.
-Come on.
40
00:01:21,827 --> 00:01:23,965
Man on Radio:
You're listening to Hot 97.
41
00:01:23,965 --> 00:01:26,241
Ugh, the sign.Let's lay on the charm.
Here we go.
42
00:01:30,931 --> 00:01:32,896
-My goodness.
-Wow.
43
00:01:32,896 --> 00:01:35,620
So much on the menu
that looks delicious.
44
00:01:35,620 --> 00:01:37,620
-Yeah.
-What do we get?
45
00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:39,172
I know it's "wate,"
46
00:01:39,172 --> 00:01:41,758
but I really would like
some "bweakfast" food.
47
00:01:41,758 --> 00:01:44,241
-Hey, hunky boy.
48
00:01:44,241 --> 00:01:47,655
Hi. Hi.
49
00:01:47,655 --> 00:01:52,724
Can we get two bacon, egg,
and cheeses?
50
00:01:52,724 --> 00:01:54,862
Nope.
No eggs after 11:00.
51
00:01:54,862 --> 00:01:56,206
You know what?
52
00:01:56,206 --> 00:01:58,896
This is this angel's
final breakfast
53
00:01:58,896 --> 00:02:00,206
in New York City.
-Yeah.
54
00:02:00,206 --> 00:02:01,931
Before she goes
and rebuilds homes
55
00:02:01,931 --> 00:02:03,517
for Christian
tsunami victims.
56
00:02:03,517 --> 00:02:04,931
Okay,
that's not true.
57
00:02:04,931 --> 00:02:06,310
And you are gonna
deny her this?
58
00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:08,862
You are gonna deny her
this Make-A-Wish?
59
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:11,344
For shame.
60
00:02:11,344 --> 00:02:13,103
Shame!
61
00:02:13,103 --> 00:02:14,206
Shame!
62
00:02:14,206 --> 00:02:15,517
Shame!
63
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,275
Yeah, yeah.
64
00:02:23,275 --> 00:02:26,965
I'm just gonna leave some money
for you fellas.
65
00:02:26,965 --> 00:02:29,758
That was
inappropriate.
66
00:02:36,137 --> 00:02:37,862
I feel better.
67
00:02:37,862 --> 00:02:39,482
Let's go.
68
00:02:39,482 --> 00:02:42,137
-This is gonna be delish.
-We got this.
69
00:02:42,137 --> 00:02:45,103
We got this.
-Jesus Christ.
70
00:02:46,931 --> 00:02:48,793
Oh, no, no.
We're not doing this.
71
00:02:51,344 --> 00:02:53,137
I can't believe
we couldn't find you
72
00:02:53,137 --> 00:02:55,965
one last bacon, egg, and cheese
before you go.
73
00:02:55,965 --> 00:02:57,310
I failed you.
74
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:58,965
No, you didn't, dude.
75
00:02:58,965 --> 00:03:01,068
And also, maybe I, like,
can buy the ingredients.
76
00:03:01,068 --> 00:03:04,034
We could FaceTime
while I make it in Boulder.
77
00:03:04,034 --> 00:03:05,275
Oh, God.
78
00:03:05,275 --> 00:03:06,827
It's not the bacon, egg,
and cheese.
79
00:03:06,827 --> 00:03:09,413
It's just -- oh, God!
80
00:03:09,413 --> 00:03:11,620
Why the fuck would you
go to Boulder?
81
00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:13,862
I mean, well, mainly for
the residency program.
82
00:03:13,862 --> 00:03:15,379
Yeah, yeah, residency,
83
00:03:15,379 --> 00:03:16,931
but -- but what the fuck
is the culture there?
84
00:03:16,931 --> 00:03:20,103
Rocks? What could you possibly
find at Boulder?
85
00:03:20,103 --> 00:03:22,517
What does Colorado have to offer
that New York City doesn't?
86
00:03:22,517 --> 00:03:24,896
Well, for one,
recreational weed.
87
00:03:24,896 --> 00:03:26,034
Oh.
88
00:03:26,034 --> 00:03:27,275
Right.
89
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,275
Yeah, but you're gonna
come so soon.
90
00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:30,758
Oh, my God!
91
00:03:30,758 --> 00:03:32,172
I told you you can come
whenever you want.
92
00:03:32,172 --> 00:03:35,068
No, look.
Oh.
93
00:03:35,068 --> 00:03:37,000
It is.
It is!
94
00:03:38,517 --> 00:03:40,620
New York City,
you've done it again!
95
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:43,068
Abbi,
this is a Wa-Unchi toilet.
96
00:03:43,068 --> 00:03:44,448
Don't you see?
97
00:03:44,448 --> 00:03:46,344
We thought we were
on some classic
98
00:03:46,344 --> 00:03:48,275
Abbi and Ilana New York City
journey today.
99
00:03:48,275 --> 00:03:50,068
We thought it was for
the bacon, egg, and cheese.
100
00:03:50,068 --> 00:03:53,724
Yeah.
When, in fact, this was
our mission all along.
101
00:03:53,724 --> 00:03:56,275
-Okay.
102
00:03:56,275 --> 00:04:00,586
Okay, but -- so -- so, what is
exactly the new mission now?
103
00:04:00,586 --> 00:04:02,827
This toilet. We're gonna
bring it back to my house.
104
00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:06,586
Are you...sure?
105
00:04:06,586 --> 00:04:08,793
Abbi,
this is a Wa-Unchi.
106
00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:11,448
It's an intelligent toilet with
an UV light that breaks down
107
00:04:11,448 --> 00:04:13,862
the germs of fecal matter
in the bowl.
108
00:04:13,862 --> 00:04:16,793
It has a heated seat and warm
water that sprays in your ass
109
00:04:16,793 --> 00:04:18,827
after you take a dump
just like a bidet.
110
00:04:18,827 --> 00:04:21,413
God, every time you are sprayed,
you are reborn.
111
00:04:21,413 --> 00:04:22,965
Okay, Ilana,
this is someone else's.
112
00:04:22,965 --> 00:04:24,965
This is gross.
Just don't touch it so much.
113
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:28,586
Abbi, this was our tiny little
mission for the day.
114
00:04:28,586 --> 00:04:30,758
Come on.
It's a $10,000 toilet.
115
00:04:30,758 --> 00:04:33,517
-Wow.
-I need this.
116
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,827
Yeah, okay, yeah.
117
00:04:36,827 --> 00:04:40,000
Let's -- you know what?
Let's take the toilet home!
118
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,413
You won't regret it,
mister!
119
00:04:41,413 --> 00:04:42,482
I'll get a cab.
-Okay.
120
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:45,413
Yeah, hey, yes.
121
00:04:45,413 --> 00:04:47,517
Okay. Tilt.
122
00:04:47,517 --> 00:04:48,965
-I'll do this.
-Legs.
123
00:04:48,965 --> 00:04:50,448
Legs.
Step.
124
00:04:50,448 --> 00:04:53,241
Yeah.
125
00:04:53,241 --> 00:04:54,344
You dick!
126
00:04:54,344 --> 00:04:56,137
Toilet discrimination.
127
00:04:56,137 --> 00:04:58,137
Okay, um...
128
00:04:58,137 --> 00:05:00,275
Okay.
129
00:05:00,275 --> 00:05:01,758
Whoo.
130
00:05:01,758 --> 00:05:04,551
Jesus. Uber is surging
60 times the normal rate.
131
00:05:04,551 --> 00:05:06,344
Okay, I'll --
I'll just call us a Lyft.
132
00:05:06,344 --> 00:05:08,689
Woof,
my rating is very low.
133
00:05:08,689 --> 00:05:11,413
Probably from
the pee incident.
134
00:05:11,413 --> 00:05:12,758
Again,
sorry about that.
135
00:05:12,758 --> 00:05:14,310
-Totally fine.
-All right.
136
00:05:14,310 --> 00:05:16,689
How are we gonna get this toilet
back to Brooklyn?
137
00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:32,379
We're gonna walk it
across the bridge?
138
00:05:32,379 --> 00:05:33,862
That's right.
139
00:05:36,482 --> 00:05:38,241
Kids are suckers,
man.
140
00:05:38,241 --> 00:05:40,275
70 bucks
for an old skateboard?
141
00:05:40,275 --> 00:05:42,344
Too easy.
142
00:05:42,344 --> 00:05:43,689
I can't believe
we've never walked
143
00:05:43,689 --> 00:05:45,413
across the Brooklyn Bridge
together.
144
00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:48,068
Yeah, it's kind of nuts that we
managed to do it individually.
145
00:05:48,068 --> 00:05:50,689
I mean,
we're almost always together.
146
00:05:52,517 --> 00:05:54,931
Ilana, I'm really proud of you,
dude.
147
00:05:54,931 --> 00:05:56,827
I mean, obviously,
for going back to school
148
00:05:56,827 --> 00:05:58,931
to become the most badass
therapist
149
00:05:58,931 --> 00:06:00,517
New York City
has ever seen,
150
00:06:00,517 --> 00:06:02,206
but also for the Phone Wigs!
151
00:06:02,206 --> 00:06:04,827
I mean, I really feel like
you have something there.
152
00:06:04,827 --> 00:06:06,689
Like, that has legs,
you know?
153
00:06:06,689 --> 00:06:09,172
We have
so many dope ideas.
154
00:06:09,172 --> 00:06:10,586
We have to make sure
155
00:06:10,586 --> 00:06:12,482
we keep up the brainstorming
sessions going.
156
00:06:12,482 --> 00:06:13,896
It's really important.
157
00:06:13,896 --> 00:06:18,172
I mean, I strongly,
strongly believe in
158
00:06:18,172 --> 00:06:21,379
the joint gynecologist/
waxing/laser hair removal thing.
159
00:06:21,379 --> 00:06:23,655
-Oh, yeah.
-It's like a one-stop shop.
160
00:06:23,655 --> 00:06:25,310
Come on, that's genius.
161
00:06:25,310 --> 00:06:28,137
I mean, I still also believe in
the Dorito dust.
162
00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:30,241
I mean, I'm just eating the chip
for the dust.
163
00:06:30,241 --> 00:06:32,482
Exactly.
And it's just, like,
cut out the middleman
164
00:06:32,482 --> 00:06:34,551
and get me a vial straight
of that dust
165
00:06:34,551 --> 00:06:36,413
for spicing
or for swigging.
166
00:06:36,413 --> 00:06:41,034
I just found out, dude,
that Doritos are tortilla chips.
167
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:43,344
Wild.
I mean,
no one talks about that.
168
00:06:43,344 --> 00:06:45,517
Whew.
169
00:06:45,517 --> 00:06:48,103
Abbi,
I've been thinking a lot
170
00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:49,896
about this whole
end-of-the-world thing.
171
00:06:49,896 --> 00:06:51,241
If the apocalypse happens,
172
00:06:51,241 --> 00:06:53,241
we're not gonna be
in the same city.
173
00:06:53,241 --> 00:06:56,000
Shit.
If we're not in the same city,
174
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,068
how are we supposed to
find each other?
175
00:06:58,068 --> 00:06:59,931
Once the electricity
goes down,
176
00:06:59,931 --> 00:07:02,413
all the banks are gonna be
hacked and drained.
177
00:07:02,413 --> 00:07:04,862
That's exactly
what is going to happen.Hey, look, a Wa-Unchi.
178
00:07:04,862 --> 00:07:06,241
You know what?
179
00:07:06,241 --> 00:07:07,827
First thing you do
when you get to Boulder,
180
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:10,275
you go to the bank.
You take out a shit ton of cash.
181
00:07:10,275 --> 00:07:11,965
I'm talking half your savings,
okay?
182
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,620
You go back to your dorm.
You find a loose floorboard.
183
00:07:14,620 --> 00:07:17,172
You pry it open,
and you stuff the cash in there.
184
00:07:17,172 --> 00:07:19,482
You create a hidden nook.
Shit's gonna be nuts.
185
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:22,000
Ooh, I love hidden nooks.
I'm on it.
186
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,482
I read this article --
well, headline --
187
00:07:24,482 --> 00:07:27,620
that said that only four days
after it all goes dark,
188
00:07:27,620 --> 00:07:29,379
New Yorkers are gonna
start killing each other.
189
00:07:29,379 --> 00:07:32,137
We got to get out of the cities
and have cash on hand.
190
00:07:32,137 --> 00:07:33,620
Yeah.
We're also gonna need
191
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,620
those straws that allow you
to drink your own pee.
192
00:07:35,620 --> 00:07:37,103
Ooh.
We're gonna need
to get that gel
193
00:07:37,103 --> 00:07:39,413
that marathoners use for,
like, energy and shit.
194
00:07:39,413 --> 00:07:41,103
Oh, we're also gonna need to
get those pants
195
00:07:41,103 --> 00:07:43,137
that zip and become shorts
so you have both.
196
00:07:43,137 --> 00:07:44,931
You're gonna have to stock up on
your contact lenses.
197
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:46,413
But I really, really think
198
00:07:46,413 --> 00:07:48,620
you should consider doing Lasik,
for real.
199
00:07:48,620 --> 00:07:50,068
Good call.
Good call.
200
00:07:50,068 --> 00:07:51,448
Okay, where should we plan
to meet up?
201
00:07:51,448 --> 00:07:53,137
All right.
Why don't I pull up the map?
202
00:07:53,137 --> 00:07:55,413
Hold on.
203
00:07:55,413 --> 00:07:56,827
All right,
well, it looks like
204
00:07:56,827 --> 00:07:58,379
St. Louis is
right in the middle.
205
00:07:58,379 --> 00:08:00,068
I mean, we could meet right in
the middle of the arch.
206
00:08:00,068 --> 00:08:01,655
This is so funny.
207
00:08:01,655 --> 00:08:04,172
Colorado is where
I thought Montana was.
208
00:08:04,172 --> 00:08:07,000
You're gonna be actually where
I thought Oklahoma was.
209
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,620
That's cool.
Mormons are dope.
210
00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:11,448
Well, I think Utah is actually
the Mormon area.
211
00:08:11,448 --> 00:08:13,482
Oh, right, right, right.
212
00:08:13,482 --> 00:08:15,655
Momo's still dope, though.
-Yeah.
213
00:08:15,655 --> 00:08:17,172
Okay, Abbi, promise me
when you get to Colorado,
214
00:08:17,172 --> 00:08:19,034
you're also gonna get a bike
215
00:08:19,034 --> 00:08:20,448
'cause that's why everybody's
gonna be killing each other --
216
00:08:20,448 --> 00:08:21,827
for the gas.
-Right.
217
00:08:21,827 --> 00:08:23,655
Bike's are the O.G. best friends
of people.
218
00:08:23,655 --> 00:08:25,275
Whew, okay,
I'll get a bike.
219
00:08:25,275 --> 00:08:27,034
Hey, let's stop over here
for a second.
220
00:08:27,034 --> 00:08:28,034
Okay.
221
00:08:34,793 --> 00:08:36,620
Should we
write something?
222
00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:38,379
Yeah.
223
00:08:41,448 --> 00:08:43,965
Yeah.
224
00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:51,931
So, should we, uh --
should we jump?
225
00:08:53,344 --> 00:08:55,172
Yeah.
226
00:08:55,172 --> 00:08:57,172
No, seriously,
should we jump?
227
00:08:58,862 --> 00:09:02,034
We can't. We have our big
dinner date tonight.
228
00:09:02,034 --> 00:09:04,413
You said the reservations were,
like, really hard to get.
229
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:06,172
-That's true.
-We got to go.
230
00:09:11,931 --> 00:09:15,758
Ilana, I'm --
I'm really scared.
231
00:09:15,758 --> 00:09:17,586
I'm, like --
232
00:09:17,586 --> 00:09:19,862
I'm moving
across the country
233
00:09:19,862 --> 00:09:23,586
and, like,
changing my whole life?
234
00:09:23,586 --> 00:09:25,724
I mean, I'm --
I'm not gonna know anybody.
235
00:09:25,724 --> 00:09:28,448
I'm really scared
of the change, too,
236
00:09:28,448 --> 00:09:31,551
but we're both gonna
be better for it.
237
00:09:31,551 --> 00:09:33,931
You really think so?
238
00:09:33,931 --> 00:09:36,379
I know it.
I know it.
239
00:09:39,793 --> 00:09:41,965
You know, Ilana,
me and you --
240
00:09:41,965 --> 00:09:45,172
we're still gonna be us,
no matter what.
241
00:09:45,172 --> 00:09:47,275
That's never
gonna change.
242
00:09:47,275 --> 00:09:48,689
Even if we're in
different cities,
243
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,586
that's never
gonna change.
244
00:09:50,586 --> 00:09:53,413
I know.
245
00:09:53,413 --> 00:09:56,896
But it is gonna change.
246
00:09:56,896 --> 00:10:03,241
But this is still gonna be
the most beautiful,
247
00:10:03,241 --> 00:10:07,586
deep, real,
248
00:10:07,586 --> 00:10:11,379
cool and hot, meaningful,
249
00:10:11,379 --> 00:10:13,413
important relationship
of my life.
250
00:10:14,862 --> 00:10:16,000
Me, too.
251
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,862
I've never felt so cool.
252
00:10:17,862 --> 00:10:20,206
I've never felt so cool.
253
00:10:20,206 --> 00:10:22,827
Really -- not -- not as cool as
when I'm with you.
254
00:10:22,827 --> 00:10:24,931
Me, neither.
255
00:10:24,931 --> 00:10:28,620
Abbi?
256
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:30,896
I don't think I can go to
this dinner tonight.
257
00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:34,896
I just -- I can't say goodbye
again, you know?
258
00:10:34,896 --> 00:10:37,206
This is --
This is too perfect.
259
00:10:37,206 --> 00:10:39,103
Wait, Ilana, no.
260
00:10:39,103 --> 00:10:41,517
We were gonna splurge and get,
like, the whole bottle of wine.
261
00:10:41,517 --> 00:10:43,724
I know, but --
262
00:10:43,724 --> 00:10:46,068
I can't do it.
I'm really sorry.
263
00:10:46,068 --> 00:10:48,793
You know what?
You take the Wa-Unchi.
264
00:10:48,793 --> 00:10:51,689
You'll be the envy
of your whole dorm.
265
00:10:51,689 --> 00:10:53,000
It's not a dorm.
266
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,000
Goodbye.
267
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,379
Wait.
268
00:10:59,448 --> 00:11:01,862
Meet you in St. Louis!
269
00:11:18,241 --> 00:11:19,931
What the fuck?
270
00:11:22,689 --> 00:11:25,862
Hey, Bevers!
271
00:11:25,862 --> 00:11:27,896
I got us food!
272
00:11:57,379 --> 00:11:58,724
Hey!
273
00:11:58,724 --> 00:12:00,241
Bevers:
Abbi, thank God you picked up.
274
00:12:00,241 --> 00:12:01,655
I fell asleep.
275
00:12:01,655 --> 00:12:03,586
I was sunbathing nude
on the roof again.
276
00:12:03,586 --> 00:12:06,241
You -- you were?
277
00:12:06,241 --> 00:12:08,482
Yeah, anyway,
the door locked behind me.
278
00:12:08,482 --> 00:12:10,413
Can you come up
and bring my kimono?
279
00:12:10,413 --> 00:12:12,724
I'm extremely sunburned.
280
00:12:12,724 --> 00:12:14,413
Everywhere.
281
00:12:14,413 --> 00:12:17,310
All right, Bevers, uh, you know,
cover yourself up.
282
00:12:17,310 --> 00:12:19,034
I don't want to see
your sunburned penis.
283
00:12:19,034 --> 00:12:20,931
Open your eyes.
284
00:12:20,931 --> 00:12:22,241
No.
285
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:24,620
Ilana: It's kosher, dude.
Open 'em up.
286
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:27,448
All: Surprise!
287
00:12:27,448 --> 00:12:28,862
What?!
288
00:12:28,862 --> 00:12:30,551
Wait.
What, Ilana?
289
00:12:30,551 --> 00:12:33,103
Oh, my God.
290
00:12:33,103 --> 00:12:37,586
Come on. My girl got to have
a proper, royal queen send-off.
291
00:12:39,034 --> 00:12:40,793
And sorry about
the bridge before.
292
00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:43,482
I was very much processing this
all at once.
293
00:12:43,482 --> 00:12:45,655
But then also, I had to leave to
set this up, so --
294
00:12:45,655 --> 00:12:49,379
Well, this is the cutest thing
I have ever seen,
295
00:12:49,379 --> 00:12:51,241
but I have to change.
296
00:12:51,241 --> 00:12:52,758
Yeah, of course.
Of course.
297
00:12:52,758 --> 00:12:55,034
Guys, Abbi and I are gonna
go downstairs!
298
00:12:55,034 --> 00:12:57,137
All right!
299
00:13:01,724 --> 00:13:03,517
Abbi and I are back,
you guys!
300
00:13:03,517 --> 00:13:05,275
Hey!
301
00:13:05,275 --> 00:13:07,482
My God.
Trey!
302
00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:10,206
Batter up!
Trey!
303
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,344
Geez.
304
00:13:11,344 --> 00:13:12,862
-Hi.
-It's so good to see you.
305
00:13:12,862 --> 00:13:14,034
Yeah.
I'm really happy to see you.
306
00:13:14,034 --> 00:13:15,482
Oh.
307
00:13:15,482 --> 00:13:18,517
Oh,
I got you something.
308
00:13:18,517 --> 00:13:20,103
They're free weights.
309
00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:22,068
What?
Thank you so much.
310
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:24,344
I'll -- I'll try to
put it on my carry-on.
311
00:13:24,344 --> 00:13:25,965
-Cool, yeah.
-All right.
312
00:13:25,965 --> 00:13:27,965
-Ooh, you all right?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got --
313
00:13:27,965 --> 00:13:30,275
Okay. I've always said, Abbi
and incremental free weights,
314
00:13:30,275 --> 00:13:32,448
match made in heaven.
-Yeah.
315
00:13:32,448 --> 00:13:34,103
You're really special to me,
Abbi.
316
00:13:34,103 --> 00:13:36,965
You're really special to me,
too.
317
00:13:36,965 --> 00:13:39,724
Well, then, I guess
it's now or never.
318
00:13:39,724 --> 00:13:44,931
Abbi Gary Anna Abrams,
will you marry me?
319
00:13:44,931 --> 00:13:48,482
Um...oh, Trey.
320
00:13:48,482 --> 00:13:50,206
Two carats.
321
00:13:50,206 --> 00:13:51,862
No.
Right?
322
00:13:51,862 --> 00:13:54,448
Right, yeah, no.
323
00:13:54,448 --> 00:13:55,862
Yeah, no.
324
00:13:55,862 --> 00:13:57,275
-You know.
-You know what?
325
00:13:57,275 --> 00:13:59,034
It was a big swing.
-No, no, no.
326
00:13:59,034 --> 00:14:01,517
I just figured, this is
my last chance, you know, so --
327
00:14:01,517 --> 00:14:03,103
It's cool.
328
00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:05,379
Maria -- Cut the video, okay?
Delete it.
329
00:14:05,379 --> 00:14:07,517
She said no.
330
00:14:07,517 --> 00:14:09,689
Okay, well,
I should probably go
331
00:14:09,689 --> 00:14:11,344
'cause you said no
to my proposal,
332
00:14:11,344 --> 00:14:14,586
but promise me you'll eat
for your blood type, okay?
333
00:14:14,586 --> 00:14:15,689
-Okay.
-Yeah.
334
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,172
Done.
Here you go.
335
00:14:17,172 --> 00:14:18,448
-Thank you, all right.
-Oh, you want that?
336
00:14:18,448 --> 00:14:19,862
Thank you so much.
All right, beefcake.
337
00:14:19,862 --> 00:14:21,413
-Ow!
-You've had enough time
338
00:14:21,413 --> 00:14:22,620
to show off your rock-hard tits
and your Adonis ass.
339
00:14:22,620 --> 00:14:24,620
It's time to leave and exit,
dawg.
340
00:14:24,620 --> 00:14:25,862
Okay,
I was just saying goodbye.
341
00:14:25,862 --> 00:14:27,275
And I took off work
for this.
342
00:14:27,275 --> 00:14:29,172
You did? That sucks.
You know what else sucks?
343
00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:30,620
When your best friend
moves away,
344
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,206
and everybody's out for
face time for her.
345
00:14:32,206 --> 00:14:34,241
Get out of here!
But maybe we'll be friends.
346
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:36,482
I don't
have any left.
347
00:14:40,689 --> 00:14:43,448
-Hey!
-Ohh.
348
00:14:46,758 --> 00:14:48,413
I'm sorry.
349
00:14:48,413 --> 00:14:49,724
I'm gonna miss you.
350
00:14:49,724 --> 00:14:51,172
I'm gonna miss you, too,
Linc.
351
00:14:51,172 --> 00:14:53,034
How's Ilana doing?
I haven't talked to her yet.
352
00:14:53,034 --> 00:14:56,827
Um, yeah.
Ilana is, uh --
353
00:14:56,827 --> 00:14:58,551
Aww.
354
00:14:58,551 --> 00:15:00,413
You know what?
Ilana's gonna be great.
355
00:15:00,413 --> 00:15:01,620
Yeah, I'ma check it.
356
00:15:01,620 --> 00:15:03,068
Okay.
All right.
357
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,137
See you later.
-I'll catch you.
358
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,413
Enough.
Get out of here.
359
00:15:05,413 --> 00:15:07,448
Go, go!
360
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:09,275
Are you Abbi's friend?
361
00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:10,965
Hey.
362
00:15:10,965 --> 00:15:12,931
Hi.
363
00:15:12,931 --> 00:15:14,137
Thank you
for inviting me.
364
00:15:14,137 --> 00:15:15,482
Yeah, you're welcome.
365
00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:16,793
You're Abbi's friend, too,
you know?
366
00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:18,275
Yeah.
367
00:15:18,275 --> 00:15:20,344
We're no longer dating, right?
368
00:15:20,344 --> 00:15:22,448
And, uh, we're gonna
keep growing
369
00:15:22,448 --> 00:15:25,448
our real,
yet platonic friendship.
370
00:15:25,448 --> 00:15:28,655
And that means honesty.
-Yeah.
371
00:15:28,655 --> 00:15:33,034
So, um, I'm gonna be honest
with you.
372
00:15:33,034 --> 00:15:35,068
You got to get
the fuck out of here.
373
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:36,482
-What?
-Yeah, it's time to go.
374
00:15:36,482 --> 00:15:38,448
Yeah.
-I heard about grad school.
375
00:15:38,448 --> 00:15:40,068
Jaimé told me.
I wanted to congratulate you.
376
00:15:40,068 --> 00:15:41,655
Yeah, you're a good guy.
We all know it.
377
00:15:41,655 --> 00:15:43,137
You're gonna be
a great thera--
Go, go!
378
00:15:43,137 --> 00:15:45,620
Whoo-hoo!
Party's over, bitch.
379
00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:48,137
You know, I know it's scary,
you know, moving away.
380
00:15:48,137 --> 00:15:49,586
But it's good to
remind ourselves
381
00:15:49,586 --> 00:15:51,586
that there's other places
besides New York City.
382
00:15:51,586 --> 00:15:53,620
Beautiful places.
383
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,655
And New Jersey.
384
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:57,068
It's gonna be great.
385
00:15:57,068 --> 00:15:58,413
-Yeah.
-'Sup?
386
00:15:58,413 --> 00:15:59,413
-Okay!
-Jesus!
387
00:15:59,413 --> 00:16:00,620
-Well --
-Hi.
388
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:02,000
Hi.
389
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,517
So, Ilana,
who are all these people?
390
00:16:03,517 --> 00:16:05,482
Um, they're people
from your building.
391
00:16:05,482 --> 00:16:06,793
I just needed to
fill the party out.
392
00:16:06,793 --> 00:16:08,137
-Ah.
-Mm.
393
00:16:08,137 --> 00:16:09,413
Can't wait for brunch
next weekend.
394
00:16:09,413 --> 00:16:11,310
Jersey City
is pretty damn lit.
395
00:16:11,310 --> 00:16:13,655
Mm-hmm.
Yes, it is.
396
00:16:13,655 --> 00:16:15,379
Go now, though.
397
00:16:15,379 --> 00:16:17,172
-What?
-Like, to --
398
00:16:17,172 --> 00:16:18,896
To leave.
To exit and leave.
399
00:16:18,896 --> 00:16:21,241
Good to see ya, Jersey Boy.
Love ya!
I'm sorry.
400
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,896
Hi, guys.
Thank you so much for coming.
401
00:16:26,896 --> 00:16:28,827
You can leave.
Come on, go.
402
00:16:28,827 --> 00:16:31,379
Okay.
So the exit is that way.
403
00:16:31,379 --> 00:16:32,448
Get out of here!
404
00:16:32,448 --> 00:16:33,655
Bye!
405
00:16:33,655 --> 00:16:36,172
Yeah. Yeah.
406
00:16:36,172 --> 00:16:39,241
♪ You know
I be up to no good ♪
407
00:16:41,758 --> 00:16:43,965
Okay, I'm almost here.
I'm almost here.
408
00:16:43,965 --> 00:16:46,034
Now we can connect.
409
00:16:46,034 --> 00:16:48,482
Right.
410
00:16:48,482 --> 00:16:52,517
Well, I'm gonna stay
at my own place tonight.
411
00:16:52,517 --> 00:16:55,862
Gonna give you two broads
some privacy.
412
00:16:55,862 --> 00:16:57,827
And I have
a present for you.
413
00:16:57,827 --> 00:16:59,379
You didn't have to
get me anything.
414
00:16:59,379 --> 00:17:02,034
Oh, well, it's just --
415
00:17:02,034 --> 00:17:05,482
So you can store your cheese
in here.
416
00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:08,448
Everyone will know
whose cheese it is,
417
00:17:08,448 --> 00:17:11,379
and they won't be able to
take it from you anymore.
418
00:17:11,379 --> 00:17:13,206
Thank you, Bevers.
419
00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:14,413
Oh.
420
00:17:17,310 --> 00:17:19,068
Yeah.
421
00:17:19,068 --> 00:17:20,965
I -- I love it.
422
00:17:20,965 --> 00:17:22,379
It's perfect.
423
00:17:22,379 --> 00:17:23,896
And we'll see each other
again.
424
00:17:25,137 --> 00:17:26,137
Yeah.
425
00:17:26,137 --> 00:17:27,482
All right.
426
00:17:27,482 --> 00:17:29,413
Brunch at Felix tomorrow
at 2:00.
427
00:17:29,413 --> 00:17:30,724
And then a movie.
My choice.
428
00:17:30,724 --> 00:17:32,862
Clear your schedule, bitch.
429
00:17:41,137 --> 00:17:42,793
Thanks for the party.
430
00:17:42,793 --> 00:17:45,689
My pleasure.
431
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:47,896
Ready?
432
00:17:47,896 --> 00:17:49,655
Disney.
Go.
433
00:17:49,655 --> 00:17:52,137
Euro-loving Aryan Nation
pre-teen porn.
434
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:54,586
Walt Disney was, like, um,
jizzing, basically,
435
00:17:54,586 --> 00:17:56,482
for rich Euros
and feudal lords,
436
00:17:56,482 --> 00:17:59,758
and Mickey Mouse was supposed to
represent a dirty little Jew.
437
00:17:59,758 --> 00:18:01,448
Straight up.
438
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:03,344
He was, like, on the ship,
you know what I mean?
439
00:18:03,344 --> 00:18:05,724
Like -- He was, like, a plotting
and scheming dirty little Jew,
440
00:18:05,724 --> 00:18:08,965
which I love to plot and scheme,
so I'm, like, you got me, Walt.
441
00:18:11,862 --> 00:18:13,931
Okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay.
442
00:18:13,931 --> 00:18:15,275
Who do I want?
Who do I want?
443
00:18:15,275 --> 00:18:16,655
I -- I know.
444
00:18:16,655 --> 00:18:18,793
Ready?
From inside the mouth.
445
00:18:18,793 --> 00:18:22,103
Ohh, the Kennedys.
446
00:18:22,103 --> 00:18:23,793
Ooh, thank you.
The Kennedys.
447
00:18:23,793 --> 00:18:25,724
Obviously, first of all,
sex addicts.
448
00:18:25,724 --> 00:18:27,034
Second of all, they killed
Marilyn Monroe.
449
00:18:27,034 --> 00:18:28,620
Wait, hold on.
450
00:18:28,620 --> 00:18:30,517
I thought Marilyn Monroe died
of a drug overdose.
451
00:18:32,551 --> 00:18:34,551
The government killed her
because she knew too much.
452
00:18:34,551 --> 00:18:36,724
Like,
she just knew stuff about --
453
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:37,931
Yeah, she knew about
their bodies.
454
00:18:37,931 --> 00:18:39,931
She knew about
their policies.
455
00:18:39,931 --> 00:18:41,310
Like,
where did you hear that?
456
00:18:41,310 --> 00:18:45,344
I will double check,
but, um --
457
00:18:45,344 --> 00:18:46,655
It's widely known.
458
00:18:46,655 --> 00:18:48,034
-Mm.
-It's widely known.
459
00:18:48,034 --> 00:18:49,655
All right.
460
00:18:49,655 --> 00:18:53,000
Well, these are gonna come in
handy for when I'm lonely.
461
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,827
Okay, another one.
462
00:18:57,206 --> 00:18:58,275
What's up?
463
00:18:58,275 --> 00:19:00,655
-The post office.
-Oof.
464
00:19:00,655 --> 00:19:03,172
Okay, so the way that the post
office controls women is...
465
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:07,275
Abbi?
Abbi, Abbi, are you insane?
466
00:20:07,275 --> 00:20:08,827
You -- you weren't gonna
wake me up?
467
00:20:08,827 --> 00:20:10,206
Are you psychotic?
468
00:20:10,206 --> 00:20:11,517
You were gonna leave
without saying goodbye?
469
00:20:11,517 --> 00:20:13,000
-I'm sorry, dude.
470
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,344
We said goodbye
a million times.
471
00:20:14,344 --> 00:20:15,931
I-I didn't know
how to do this one.
472
00:20:15,931 --> 00:20:17,551
Yeah,
but I got you something.
473
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,689
It's a go bag.
474
00:20:19,689 --> 00:20:22,448
The apocalypse will happen,
475
00:20:22,448 --> 00:20:24,896
and I will meet you
in St. Louis.
476
00:20:24,896 --> 00:20:26,586
Right, okay.
477
00:20:36,758 --> 00:20:38,896
I'm so proud of you.
478
00:20:38,896 --> 00:20:40,862
I'm so proud of you,
too, dude.
479
00:20:40,862 --> 00:20:42,172
Really, you are, like --
480
00:20:42,172 --> 00:20:44,758
You're the smartest person
I know.
481
00:20:44,758 --> 00:20:46,241
Really.
482
00:20:46,241 --> 00:20:47,517
Yeah,
are you kidding me?
483
00:20:47,517 --> 00:20:49,724
I'm, like,
the only person you know.
484
00:20:51,172 --> 00:20:52,965
For real, though, Ilana.
You, like --
485
00:20:52,965 --> 00:20:55,344
You're gonna kill it.
I'm so excited.
486
00:20:55,344 --> 00:20:58,068
For everything for you.
487
00:20:58,068 --> 00:20:59,896
You've got so much.
488
00:20:59,896 --> 00:21:02,965
So much inside of you.
489
00:21:04,724 --> 00:21:06,827
You have so much to give.
490
00:21:06,827 --> 00:21:10,068
So much all wrapped up.
491
00:21:10,068 --> 00:21:12,517
And you're just letting it
unroll.
492
00:21:12,517 --> 00:21:14,931
I mean,
I don't even feel like
493
00:21:14,931 --> 00:21:16,655
I was, like, alive
before I met you.
494
00:21:16,655 --> 00:21:18,275
You, like, taught me --
495
00:21:18,275 --> 00:21:19,827
Taught me how to do it,
dude.
496
00:21:21,344 --> 00:21:23,931
Well, you're alive as hell now.
497
00:21:23,931 --> 00:21:27,103
This is really brave,
and it's the right thing.
498
00:21:27,103 --> 00:21:29,344
I wouldn't have been able
to do it without you.
499
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,689
Come on,
you dumb broads!
500
00:21:32,689 --> 00:21:34,689
I'm saying goodbye to my
best friend, you fucking fuck.
501
00:21:34,689 --> 00:21:36,413
This is a once-in-a-lifetime,
emotional moment
502
00:21:36,413 --> 00:21:37,896
with my soul sister,
you rank rat whore!
503
00:21:37,896 --> 00:21:39,241
See if I tip you!
504
00:21:40,620 --> 00:21:42,620
You're just so beautiful
from the inside out.
505
00:21:42,620 --> 00:21:45,241
No, dude, you are, really.
506
00:21:45,241 --> 00:21:46,655
Okay.
Go.
507
00:21:46,655 --> 00:21:48,241
Go, go, go, go, go.
-Okay.
508
00:21:48,241 --> 00:21:51,275
You got this.
You got this.
509
00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:55,620
Okay.
510
00:21:55,620 --> 00:21:57,724
-Okay.
-Bye.
511
00:22:07,724 --> 00:22:09,344
Okay.
512
00:22:09,344 --> 00:22:11,137
I love you.
513
00:22:23,172 --> 00:22:24,551
No!
514
00:22:24,551 --> 00:22:28,827
Jesus, come on!
515
00:22:28,827 --> 00:22:32,379
Fuck!
516
00:22:38,413 --> 00:22:39,862
Hmm.
517
00:22:39,862 --> 00:22:41,206
Wow.
518
00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:44,793
Oh, my God.
519
00:22:44,793 --> 00:22:47,103
Yes!
520
00:22:47,103 --> 00:22:49,965
Freaking jackpot.
521
00:22:51,275 --> 00:22:52,413
Ew.
522
00:23:01,965 --> 00:23:03,379
Ilana:
523
00:23:03,379 --> 00:23:04,517
Eww, dude!
524
00:23:04,517 --> 00:23:05,931
Insane.
525
00:23:05,931 --> 00:23:08,068
Walking it?
Disgusting.
526
00:23:08,068 --> 00:23:09,965
Well, thank you
for keeping me up to date
527
00:23:09,965 --> 00:23:11,793
on all of New York's
most current events.
528
00:23:11,793 --> 00:23:13,137
Yeah.
529
00:23:13,137 --> 00:23:14,482
How have you been?
530
00:23:14,482 --> 00:23:17,344
Well, since last night,
I went to sleep,
531
00:23:17,344 --> 00:23:18,655
and then I woke up,
532
00:23:18,655 --> 00:23:19,931
and then I went to
the coffee shop.
533
00:23:19,931 --> 00:23:22,482
My coffee shop.
-Cute, cute.
534
00:23:22,482 --> 00:23:24,793
I also went to sleep
and woke up,
535
00:23:24,793 --> 00:23:26,551
so we are
on the same schedule.
536
00:23:26,551 --> 00:23:28,137
Ew, you know what happened
to me today?
537
00:23:28,137 --> 00:23:29,724
I bumped into this girl,
and I was, like, "Sorry."
538
00:23:29,724 --> 00:23:31,620
And she was, like,
"You're fine."
539
00:23:31,620 --> 00:23:33,034
Ew.
"You're fine"?
540
00:23:33,034 --> 00:23:34,517
Fuck her.
-Right?
541
00:23:34,517 --> 00:23:36,620
I'm, like, I know I'm fine,
at least.
542
00:23:36,620 --> 00:23:38,034
Just say, "It's okay."
543
00:23:38,034 --> 00:23:39,655
I mean, that's not even
part of my vocabulary.
544
00:23:39,655 --> 00:23:42,137
You have to be, like, trained
for that to be a response.
545
00:23:42,137 --> 00:23:44,137
That's right. Don't tell me
my value 'cause you know what?
546
00:23:44,137 --> 00:23:46,137
I'm actually foiiine.
547
00:23:46,137 --> 00:23:48,137
-Oh, you foiiine, baby.
-You, too.
548
00:23:48,137 --> 00:23:49,551
All right, listen.
I got to go.
549
00:23:49,551 --> 00:23:51,482
Uh, I'll call you when
I leave the studio, okay?
550
00:23:51,482 --> 00:23:52,965
Ooh, the studio?
Okay.
551
00:23:52,965 --> 00:23:54,034
Love you, baby.
552
00:23:54,034 --> 00:23:56,379
All right.
Love you, too.
553
00:24:14,379 --> 00:24:17,758
Dude, I am so excited to fucking
deejay this bat mitzvah tonight.
554
00:24:17,758 --> 00:24:20,517
Rich children, like,
legit know how to party.
555
00:24:20,517 --> 00:24:22,965
But honestly, like,
what is deejaying?
556
00:24:22,965 --> 00:24:24,517
I think it's just a playlist,
right?
557
00:24:24,517 --> 00:24:25,724
Yeah, but, like,
with a table.
558
00:24:25,724 --> 00:24:26,896
You dropped these.
559
00:24:26,896 --> 00:24:28,931
Oh, my God.
Thanks.
560
00:24:28,931 --> 00:24:31,413
Okay,
so who were those guys
561
00:24:31,413 --> 00:24:33,689
we ended up playing pool with
on the roof last night?
562
00:24:33,689 --> 00:24:35,172
I don't know. I think one of
them played for the Knicks.
563
00:24:42,413 --> 00:24:45,379
Wow. Did you just make change
with a homeless guy?
564
00:24:45,379 --> 00:24:47,517
First of all,
it's a man without a home.
565
00:24:47,517 --> 00:24:50,172
Mm-hmm.Second, we gonna act like
he ain't got no small bills?
566
00:24:51,413 --> 00:24:52,793
Woman: What should we do
for dinner?
567
00:24:52,793 --> 00:24:54,241
I thought that you were
gonna go to --
568
00:25:11,517 --> 00:25:13,206
The information inside
your brain is just vast.
569
00:25:13,206 --> 00:25:15,310
Vast and then also,
there's nothing.
570
00:25:15,310 --> 00:25:16,896
Yeah, but good nothing.
571
00:25:16,896 --> 00:25:19,137
You're, like, just smart,
you know what I mean?
572
00:25:19,137 --> 00:25:21,413
-Am I, though?
-Yes, you're so smart.
573
00:25:21,413 --> 00:25:22,758
-Thank you.
-I wouldn't say at, like,
574
00:25:22,758 --> 00:25:23,896
you know, reading and writing,
but --
40026
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