Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

(car engine humming)

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

- Well, dude, I was the one that spotted him.

No, no, no, I didn't recognize him at first

so I had to look a little closer

and like, dude, that's Bob!

Just running across the field, streaking, stark naked.

You know, bare ass hanging out, dingle berries.

Balls flopping around, it was a mess.

Remember, he ran in front of the cheerleaders.

Started helicoptering his dick right in front of them.

(laughs) Oh man, cops came about five minutes later,

threw him in jail, he racked up about $2,000 worth of fines,

but shit, it was worth it, right? (chuckles)

Oh, God, those were the days.

All right, buddy, I'm gonna let you go, but,

oh, oh, hey, you remember that sleepover party

we once had with Jim and David?

And we got Jeff, right, we threw him in the sleeping bag.

We spread his ass cheeks open,

spread some chunky peanut butter in there,

and we threw the dog in there, in the sleeping bag with him?

(laughs) The dog ended up getting typhus a week later.

We had to put him down.

(laughs) Oh, shit, I know, right?

Or that time we went camping, remember?

And we spread honey all over the campfire,

and the bees swarmed us. - The only fucking phone booth

in the world, and Tits McGee is inside, okay.

You can do this, find your core, find the creamy center.

That's not helping, that's not helping.

(cellphone thudding) (traffic humming)

(clearing throat)

The phone booth. - All right, buddy,

I'm gonna let you go.

- Looks like he fell out of a dumpster,

maybe a little bit of green, a little of scratch,

a little bit a, that's a real (mumbling),

maybe a little. (dollar bill thwacking)

Excuse me, (cellphone thudding)

amigo, compadre, maybe your dick stories,

maybe you can move on, mosey on, find a way.

I mean you can buy some jeans

with better holes in 'em with these.

What do you say, what do you think?

Wanna take me up on it?

Got things to do, got places to be, got people you know?

- It's all yours.

- Thank you.

Jesus Christ.

- Silicon Valley douche bag.

(upbeat dance music)

(metal rattling)

(upbeat dance music)

(water spurting)

(upbeat dance music)

(body thwacking) - Ow, shit.

(upbeat dance music)

(body thwacking) Oh, who moved the door?

(upbeat dance music)

♪ Drink it slow

Dude, I've got such a hangover.

- There's a first.

- No shit.

- Brit, I don't mean to judge,

but how long are you gonna be doing this for?

- Doing what? - You know,

shaking your ass.

- Well, if you put it that way,

until my tits reach my belly button.

- You hardly get any sleep anymore.

Sleep deprivation is a real thing.

- Look, I'll get all the sleep I need when I'm dead.

- Okay, Sam Elliot.

- But check it out, last night was sick.

We had this large group come in, this internet company

was entertaining their Dubai investors,

and they insisted that I drink with them.

- Well, I hope it was worth it.

- You tell me.

(money thudding)

- Holy shit.

Is this just from last night?

- It's not like this every night,

but I guess you could say they just had fun.

- You slut.

How much is this?

- Enough for rent and then some.

- Takes me at least two weeks to get rent.

- Ro is hiring, wanna job?

- My grandfather would have a heart attack.

Speaking of which, I gotta go.

- Gimme a minute, I'll go with.

I haven't seen that old dinosaur in ages.

(relaxing music)

(door clicking)

(feet thudding)

Okay, hold up, hold up.

Wiki-Boy, who is the highest paid athlete in 2013?

- The highest paid athlete in 2013?

Tiger Woods, 78.1 million dollars.

- Dick stroker.

- What's Avogadro's constant?

- Avogadro's number, also known as Avogadro's constant,

is 6.022 times 10 to the 23rd.

You're wasting my time.

- [Britney] Is he right?

- He's good.

- What actor was the president of the NRA?

- Charlton Heston, president of the NRA from 1998 to 2003.

- Okay, okay, who took over as CEO of Apple,

when Steve Jobs got fired in 2011?

- Tim Cook, and Steve Jobs didn't get fired, okay,

he resigned due to his illness.

- Fucking animal.

(cat whining)

Ah, come on, Tiger.

It's not an insult, it's a compliment the way to use it.

(car honking)

One of these days, Wiki-Boy, I'm gonna stump your ass.

- Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Lance.

What's up?

- My dick, what do you want?

Oh, hey, it's you Wiki-Boy?

What's going down?

- Your dick I hope.

- [Lance] What?

- Nothing.

- [Lance] Hey, you mind handing me that wrench

over on the curb?

- Here you go.

- [Lance] The other wrench.

(metal clanging)

- Sure you know what you're doing?

- Shit yeah.

Oh, fuck!

Ah, fuck.

Oh, that fuckin' hurt.

Shit.

Ow, fuck that hurt.

- What's wrong with it?

- It's the engine.

- The engine?

What is it?

- It's a machine with moving parts

that converts power into motion,

but I don't think that's important right now.

I think I need a joint break.

You want one?

- Oh, no, I'm trying to cut back.

- Nice, more for me.

(coughing)

That's God's broccoli.

(coughing)

- Wow.

- So where's your twin at?

- Lucas?

He's probably at the bus stop.

- What is he always hanging out at the bus stop for?

- Just likes making new friends.

- What are you up to?

- Well, I'm working on an app.

- Hello, you're working on an nap?

Why do you have to work on one?

Why don't you just take one?

- Not a nap, an app.

- That's what I said, a nap.

- Not a nap, an app.

- A nap?

- An app.

- A nap.

- An app.

See, an app is a specialized program for smartphones.

See, every single one of these is an app,

and mine is called Briskly.

- Briskly?

- Yeah.

- So, what does it do?

- Well, you see, it allows businesses to create last minute

discounts with huge deals for local customers.

You see, users get an alert on their phone

telling them about it, then it's first come, first serve,

and see, the discounts range from anything from iPads

to eye exams or T-shirts to tires.

- You sound real passionate about it.

- Oh, I'm really excited about it.

It's gonna be even more awesome when it's finished.

I even have a couple of companies interested in buying it.

- No shit?

- [Wiki-Boy] No shit.

- So when are ya gonna be done with it?

- That's the only problem.

See, I can't show any of the companies the final product

until I file all the legal work first,

and that costs money.

Money I don't have.

- Speak of the devil.

- [Devil] Not now, Lance.

I'm going to a custom party.

- Ah man, it's fuckin' July!

- [Devil] Don't judge.

(laughing)

- Hey, cool beats, Lance.

- That there, my man, is an original 1985

Panasonic 5010 Stereo with tape deck.

- Cool.

What's tape deck?

(traffic buzzing)

- Hello Claris.

- Oh, Hello.

My name's not Claris, it's Mina.

Nice to meet you.

What's your name?

- You had me at hello.

I drink your milkshake.

I drink your milkshake.

- Oh, it's not a milkshake.

It's just water.

Do you want one?

- Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me.

- Mrs. Robinson?

No, I'm just offering you a bottle of water.

- I've always depended on the kindness of strangers.

- Oh, okay.

Well, I have an extra one.

Here you go.

- Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!

(gasps)

- I'd never!

- There's no crying in baseball.

♪ Morning coffee

♪ Vanilla latte sip to go

♪ Drink it slow

(car doors shutting)

♪ Morning coffee

- Good morning, grandpa.

- Grandpa?

Are you still alive? (laughing)

(cane clicking)

I don't hear anything.

Maybe he went for a walk somewhere

and forgot how to get back.

(screaming and clanging)

Oh my god!

What the fuck?

- Gotch ya, ya slut!

(laughing)

- [Amanda] You deserved that.

- Fuck you two.

- Hey!

Watch your language in this house.

This ain't your workplace.

You don't see any stripper poles here, do you?

- Yeah, whatever, you wish you had this.

(grumbling)

- No, thank you.

You can keep your STD infested hooch to yourself.

- Grandpa, did you take your pills?

- What pills?

- The ones keeping you alive.

- Oh, shut up, tramp.

- No, doesn't look like it.

(exhale)

(relaxing music)

(exhale)

(relaxing music)

Finger please.

(sighing)

(relaxing music)

98%, 75.

- Is that good?

- That's great, grandpa.

- Your great grandpa is here?

- Yeah, he's in the kitchen.

- No, no, he's been dead for over 20 years.

♪ Morning coffee

♪ Vanilla latte sip to go

♪ Drink it slow

All right, 98.5.

- Is that good?

- That's great.

Now for your glucose.

Give me your finger.

(sighing)

(relaxing music)

♪ Morning coffee

All right, 187, not bad.

Did you eat breakfast this morning?

- No.

Yes.

No.

- Lemme look.

It looks like you started to,

but that's okay.

I'll make you something.

- Hey floozy, you want some breakfast?

I have some Jimmy Dean sausages.

- Um, I'll pass.

I'm afraid to find out where those have been.

- They're juicy, just the way you like 'em.

- No thanks.

I'll pass.

- That's the first time I've ever known you

to pass on a wiener.

- Good one.

What's this?

(laughing)

- That's my shitter.

(screaming)

- Ew!

What the fuck?

(laughing)

- Okay grandpa, your breakfast is on the table.

Do you need anything before I go?

- No, thank you dear.

Matlock is on TV soon,

followed by Richard Dawson and Family Fued,

M.A.S.H., Golden Girls, even Captain Kangaroo.

- Oh, that's great!

You can remember all these TV shows from a century ago,

but you can't even remember if you had breakfast or not.

- I bet you can't remember all the John's

you spread your legs for.

- Touche.

- All right, call me if need me.

Remember, it's the first memory button on the phone.

Otherwise, I'll see you after work.

- I have work today?

- No, I have work today, and I'll see you after.

(laughing)

- I gotcha.

I know I don't work Saturdays.

- Yeah, it's Sunday and you haven't worked in 10 years.

- Oh.

- Holy shit!

That must've tore the guy's asshole apart,

and that's exactly why people need more fiber in their diet.

I'd like to see that guy's asshole.

- You'd like to see that guy's asshole?

- Yeah.

I mean, no, no.

I mean, I feel sorry for the poor bastard.

That reminds me, you wanna hear my new invention idea?

- No, but you're probably gonna tell me anyway.

- I just came up with it this morning

when I was taking a whiz.

- Oh great.

- Ready for this?

- No.

- I call it "Splashing Waters".

You know when you're standing by the toilet

taking a whiz?

And you know how the piss is splashing everywhere?

- No, I didn't know that.

- Oh yeah.

That shit gets everywhere.

So I invented an eight-inch oval piece of tissue paper

that you throw in the toilet just before pissing.

So then the piss pierces the paper

and the splash is contained by the paper, thus preventing...

- [Together] Splashing Waters.

- You know, that's a good idea, Lance.

- You think so?

- Oh yeah.

You know, you should take that to Shark Tank or something.

- You really think so?

- Oh yeah.

- Right on, man, right on.

What's a Shark Tank?

(upbeat music)

- Hey, what's that Mr. Sokolot?

- Read it.

- Are you freakin' kidding me, Mr. Sokolot?

- Sorry, rent high everywhere.

- But 2,500?

That's almost double.

- Rate inflation.

You pay or you go!

And it's Mr. Sokolov, not Sokolot.

Three year ago, Mr. Sokolov.

Still Mr. Sokolov.

Three year from now, still Mr. Sokolov.

- Hey, Brit.

- Hey, what's up?

- Can you believe this?

- What is it?

- It's a notice from Mr. Sokolov.

- Who's Mr. Sokolov?

- Our landlord, Brit.

- So, what's he want?

- It's a rent increase notice.

He's nearly doubling our rent starting next month to 2,500.

- What?

Are you kidding me?

For a crappy two bedroom apartment?

He can't do this.

- He can and he did.

- Dick licker.

Isn't there like rent control or something?

- Not in Saint Clare, there isn't.

- Butt sniffer.

- I can't believe that greedy little bastard.

- Dude, that sucks a lot. (giggling)

- That's not funny.

I know, I'm sorry.

Okay, so we'll move.

- Where to?

Fresno or Modesto?

Because there's nothing else affordable in the Bay Area.

Ever since these goddamn internet companies

somehow all got together

and decided to base their companies right here

in our neighborhoods, housing prices have gone to shit.

It's not like they can't operate their business

from anywhere else in the country.

- I know.

- We didn't land on Silicon Valley.

Silicon Valley landed on us.

- Hey, that's good.

- I know, I just thought of it.

- But seriously, when's the last time

you walked into eBay to bid on something,

or walked into Google to search for something?

- Take it easy Amanda.

- I'm just frustrated!

- I know you are.

I am too, but we'll figure something out.

- You know, whenever we do move,

Mr. Sokolov is gonna have a lot of updating to do,

and not to mention the three to four months

he's gonna spend doing it.

- That's true.

The Fridge is all rusted.

- The kitchen cabinets don't even close.

- Half the burners on the stove don't work.

- The ceiling is falling down.

- And I think I've seen an oven like ours

on the Antique Road Show.

I can try to make the difference.

Not sure if I can do it every month.

Some months are slower than other months.

- Thanks Brit, but you shouldn't have to.

We agreed before you moved in,

three years that we'd go halves on everything,

and I'm sticking to it,

but I appreciate the offer.

I'm just gonna have to work overtime

or get second job or something,

but that probably means I'll have to not go

to my next semester.

- But that's your last semester to graduate.

- Yeah, but what am I gonna do?

I'll just have to put it on hold for a little while.

(club music)

(zipper zipping)

(club music)

- Brit, tell her your idea.

- Oh yeah, that's right.

Okay, you know how you've been trying

to get me to quit dancing?

- You mean stripping?

- Yeah, whatever.

- Yeah?

- Well, I've been discussing some business ideas

with Max the past few weeks.

- You were discussing business with a bouncer?

Talk about meeting of the minds.

- Listen, I think we came up with the perfect business

and now is the perfect timing for it.

- It's not prostitution is it?

Because if it is, I'm just gonna go start packing now.

- No, no, it's not prostitution.

- Okay, what is it then?

- Are you ready for this?

- You wanna drum role?

(hands slapping)

- Bikini Valley Car Wash.

(crickets chirping)

Get it?

Silicon Valley, Bikini Valley?

- This is the dumbest idea I've ever heard.

That's not even a real business.

I should've expected that from you and Max.

- Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

- I am not gonna be involved in a sleazy business

like a bikini car wash with a bunch of sleazy, horny old men

gawking at half-naked women trying to pretend

to clean their cars.

Forget it, Brit.

- Just hear me out.

We did some calculations.

We'll charge like $50 a car for wash and vacuum.

And $15 for wax.

- Who's gonna pay $50 on a car wash?

- My clients spend that much

for a 10 minute lap dance at my club.

- Oh, I forgot, this was a striptease car wash.

- Now listen to this.

All we need is like 20 cars a day

on Saturday and Sunday's and we can make $1,000 a day.

Multiply that times eight weekend days a month

and that totals.

- $8,000.

- See.

That's way over what we need for the rent.

We just need you to ask your favorite uncle

to let us use his car wash.

- Sounds tempting but my grandfather

would have a heart attack if he ever found out.

After all the years he spent raising me

to be a good catholic.

Forget it.

Count me out.

- He'll never find out.

- He'll find out.

He's only lived here his entire life.

He knows everybody.

- Would you at least think about it?

- I've thought about it and my answer is no.

I'll just pull double shifts at the restaurant.

In fact, I'm gonna go talk to my manager right now

and see if I can get additional hours.

So.

- Hey, Amanda.

- Yeah?

- Do we pay for the water here?

- No, why?

- I was just wondering.

(water spurring)

Let's go.

(feet thudding)

(water spurring)

(light switch clicking)

(deep house music)

(indie music)

- Fuck, check that out.

Now that's what I wanna get one day.

(indie music)

What the fuck are you doing?

- I'm trying to get a better look at it.

- Gimme that.

- Here, Lance.

Check that out.

That's what you should get.

- Nice.

I'll be sure to put it on my fuck it list.

- Fuck it list?

- It's a list of things I wanna do,

places I wanna go but I never fuckin' will.

Ooh-wee, now check that out.

- That's Mia.

We went to high school together.

- Mia huh?

(lips sputtering)

Let me tell you something about women,

when a woman says she's datin' someone

or seein' someone,

well that means she's fucking someone.

See, women use datin' and seein' as code words

so they don't sound like a slut.

Check this out.

- Hey Noah.

- Hey Mia.

- Hey Mia you single?

- No.

- Oh, are you datin' someone? (laughing)

When's the last time you dated?

Did you date this morning?

See, she knows what I'm talking about.

What are you doing?

- I thought I heard my mom call me.

- Mom?

You live upstairs.

See, women like that don't stay single for long.

- Why's that?

- Because guys like me come along and snatch 'em up

as soon as they're available.

That's why!

There's a lot you boys need to learn about women.

But, you're in luck,

because I'm gonna teach you everything I know.

- Can't wait.

- So how's your new Brisket app thing going?

- Briskly?

- Right, right.

You got any new investors?

- No.

- So how much of your own money have you sunk

into this thing?

- Everything.

- Everything?

My man, you know better than to put

all your eggs into one basket.

- Too late.

- So, what would this investor get in return?

Just hypothetically speaking.

- Well, they have the possibility of making thousands

to hundreds of thousands of dollars.

(dinging)

- You know, I have some money stashed away.

Maybe, I'll invest.

- That would be so awesome Lance,

but I couldn't your money.

- No man, I believe in you.

- Really?

- Fuckin' A.

- Cool!

(hands slapping)

- Did I ever tell you about my ball scratcher idea?

- Huh?

- It's like a back scratcher, but for your balls.

(birds chirping)

(car engine buzzing)

(car door slamming)

(car lock beeping)

(chattering)

- Good morning, grandpa.

- [Grandpa] Good morning, honey.

- What's going on?

- Oh, honey, I have some real bad news.

- What is it?

What's happening?

- According to our records, your grandfather

seems to have defaulted on his payments

for the last six months or so.

I'm afraid we have no choice but to foreclose on the loan.

You know, call the cows home, the last hurrah,

drop the curtain, pull the plug.

Sorry, grandpa.

Maybe a little close for you.

Let the fat lady sing, drop the pie on the floor,

you know what I'm saying.

- Thank you.

I know what foreclose means,

but, that's impossible.

His payments are automatically withdrawn

from his retirement account, right?

- Funny thing about that.

We sent the fine gentleman a letter

seven months ago explaining to him

that if he would like to stay with his auto-payments

that he needed to sign the letter and return it.

Since then, we have received, oh, nothing.

- Who does that?

Grandpa, is that what happened?

- I don't remember, honey.

- Well, okay, if they haven't withdrawn the money,

then the money's still in the account

and we can just write a check for the back due amount

and the account will be all up to date.

- I'm sorry, honey.

I thought the money was extra money in my account

and I've spent most of it.

- On what?

- On TV.

On things to buy.

(gasping) Honey, they make it so easy!

Buy now and we will double the offers,

separation fee applies.

- Well, what does he owe?

- How much does he owe?

Let's see.

Let's do some simple math, shall we?

Six monthly payments comes out roughly to $14,960.14.

- $14,900?

- $60.14, yes.

Who's counting?

- This just keeps getting better and better.

- I've already given your grandfather a copy

of the dues in play,

but I'd really like to give you this.

(birds chirping)

- Well, how long does he have to pay it back?

- One week.

- One week?

How do you expect him to get that kind of money

in seven days?

- Technically five working days,

but I'm sorry, this is out of my hands.

It was only brought across my desk yesterday.

There's nothing I can do.

- Really?

Okay, fine, we'll just get a second mortgage.

- Good luck with that.

Without having current employment

and having defaulted on the first loan,

he will be eligible in, let's see,

approximately, oh, here it is, never.

- Who's fucking side are you on?

- I'm on your side.

I'm just trying to give you the details

and the facts as they exist at this moment.

For example, the equity in the house,

as it sits, is $782,926.53.

Now, that is a substantial amount of equity.

However, without steady income,

without a substantial amount of cash in a bank account,

honey, another loan is never going to happen.

- Well thank you for your insight.

- Well, let's not see this as all doom and gloom.

Let's take this frown, turn it upside down.

Let's shake this little cloud

and find that silver lining.

As I was telling your peepaw here,

I have a party prepared, right now,

to right a check this afternoon for this property

for $250,000.

Now, the situation as it sits,

you can take that check or go into foreclosure

and lose everything.

Now, think of it old-timer.

Quarter of a million dollars.

You could become the kind of Orlando.

You can live it up like you have never dreamed before.

Why don't you just take your retirement,

take these golden years, and enjoy?

- Oh honey, I'm too old to move and start a fresh.

I've lived in the house all my life.

All my memories are here.

(crying)

- It's okay, grandpa.

We'll find a way.

There's gotta be a way.

- In one week?

Good luck with that.

- Get the fuck out of here!

- Whoa, no need to shoot me.

I don't own the bank, I'm just the messenger.

- Well take this message with you.

Fuck you, we're keeping the house.

- I love it when they start talkin' dirty.

Better start packin' old man.

Tick tock.

See you later, sweet cheeks.

(traffic buzzing)

- You make me want to be a better man.

Well, why don't you come up and see me sometime?

You complete me.

I wish I knew how to quit you.

- Are you talking to me?

- Talkin' to me?

Talking' to me?

(sighing)

- Fuck, man.

I need to get out of this fucking valley.

(alternative music)

- What we have here is a failure to communicate.

(alternative rock music)

- [Tania] Here you are, honey.

- Thank you.

Cheers.

- [Tania] Cheers.

- Woo, strong.

(mumbling and laughing)

(birds chirping)

- Hey, uncle Ron.

- Hi sweetie.

- Hey Mandie.

- Hey Tania.

- So, where's your hot piece-of-ass girlfriend, Britney?

- She's probably at home.

- That's a pity.

Wanna drink?

- Um, no thanks.

I actually came over to ask you a favor.

- A favor?

What is it?

- It's an act of kindness beyond what's expected,

but that's not important right now.

It's grandpa.

- (laughing) Oh, grandpa.

I don't wanna hear it!

- Come on, uncle Ron,

he's gonna lose his house due to foreclosure.

- I don't wanna hear it,

and if he's house goes into foreclosure,

that's perfectly fine with me.

- Please uncle Ron.

- No, and I'll tell you why.

Because he never helped me with any

of my business ventures when we were growing up.

- That's because you wanted to make porno movies.

- What does it matter?

Porno films make money.

It's a legitimate business.

People are happier, there's a demand for it.

Hell, if he had helped me I probably could've been

a famous porn star, like that guy, what is his name,

he's able to climax (toungue rolling) right on que.

I could've been that guy.

- Come on, Tania, can't you just talk to him for me?

- Honey, you know how stubborn your uncle is.

- I know.

Okay, fine.

How 'bout another favor?

- Another favor?

What is it?

- Well, it would be borrowing the car wash.

It'll only be on nights and we'll hand washing.

- Read my lips, okay.

What's it for?

- Well, Britney and the girls just wanna do

some fundraiser.

- Sounds good, okay.

- Thanks, you're the best uncle Ron.

- Yes, I am.

- You know, you've always been my favorite uncle.

- She's being a wise guy,

I'm her only uncle.

- Never stopped you from being my favorite, though.

Bye Tania.

- Bye Mandie.

- I hate when she calls me that.

(glasses clicking)

- Man that's still strong!

You know that Ron is rum in Spanish?

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Hm.

(birds chirping)

(traffic buzzing)

- I'm catching 22 right now.

I should be there by five.

- E.T. phone home.

- Let's go eat something.

I'll grab something on my way home.

- I ate his liver with some fava beans

and a nice Chianti.

- I'm gonna give him a box of chocolate and a card...

- Mom always said life was like a box of chocolates,

you never know what your're gonna get.

- What?

What's the matter with you?

Are you crazy or something?

- I want to be alone. (speaking in foreign language)

- You can be alone, you can be all alone by yourself.

(water splashing)

- Hey, uncle Ron.

You know how cute I always thought you were.

(rock music)

- Ronald Johnson!

Fantasizing about your niece again?

- What do you take me for?

Of course not.

I was fantasizing about you, baby.

- That's sick.

It's just sick.

This is not the south. (laughing)

- You know something Wiki-Boy?

One of these days I'm gonna get me a van,

just like the one I had in high school.

Yeah, I'm gonna carpet it 360 degrees.

Throw some nice artwork on the sides.

Put a mattress in the back.

It's gonna be smokin'.

- You really want that van, don't you?

- I can taste it.

- Well, here's some good news.

I finished all the final patent paperwork

for the Briskly app.

Now I can start showing it to possible acquisitions

and partnerships.

- I don't know what the hell you just said, but I trust you.

(pager beeping)

- You have pager?

- Of course I have a pager.

What, just because I clean parking lots at night

doesn't mean I'm important enough to have one?

Oh, shit!

All right, ma, I'll go get your diapers in a minute.

Can't you see I'm busy?

- And look for a job, you lazy bum!

- You look for a job!

- I already got one!

Babysitting your (mumbles) ass!

- Fuck, she reminds me of my hemorrhoids.

A constant pain in the ass.

- And take your girlfriend with you.

- Oh shit!

(laughing)

(spitting)

Ma!

What are you doing?

(laughing)

(hysterical laughing)

- Oh, this is so going viral.

(laughing)

- You know something, Wiki-Boy?

One of these I'm gonna get that van,

and when I do this bad boy is gonna take off.

Well, I'll catch ya later.

Iotta go to Alpha Beta.

- You mean Lucky's?

- Right.

(car lock beeping)

Later days and better lays.

(upbeat chill music)

- They're here.

- Hi, excuse me.

Could you tell us how to get to the new Apple building?

We've seen just about all the other high-tech companies

and we're really excited to see Apple now.

- Todo, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas, anymore.

- Yeah, we know we're not in Kansas.

We're in California.

We just wanna know where Apple is.

- You wanna know the truth?

- Yeah, that'd be nice.

- You can't handle the truth.

- What truth?

The truth of where the Apple building is?

- Honey, I think he must be off his meds or something.

- [Husband] Yeah, I think so.

- We should just ask somebody else.

- Go ahead, make my day.

- That's pretty sad asking if someone else makes your day.

- Godzilla!

Godzilla!

- Can you believe this shit?

Hold me back, hold me back.

- No, no, no, here let's just go.

- Fasten your seat belts,

it's going to be a bumpy night.

- Thanks for nothing.

- Losers, move on!

- Hold me back, hold me back.

- No, just go. (mumbling)

(alternative music)

Psycho.

(funky music)

(yelling)

- Hey, what's going on?

Who the fuck was that?

(funky music)

- Hi there, could you help us out?

- Sorry, ma'am, I don't do threesomes.

(funky music)

- We wanna go to the new Apple building,

could you tell us where it is?

- I sure can.

(funky music)

- Do you know how to get to it from here?

- Why, yes I do.

- Is everyone retarded around here?

- It must be in the water.

(funky music)

- Well, where is it?

- See that overpass right there?

When you go under that overpass, make your very first left.

On the next light make another left,

then the very next light make another left.

- Wouldn't that just bring us back here?

- Oh, right.

Maybe there's a right somewhere in there.

(funky music)

Under the overpass, make a left, or was it make a right?

- Okay, thank you.

- Thanks.

(funky music)

- Peace in the Middle East.

♪ I woke up in the morning with the sun in my eyes ♪

(chill hip hop music)

♪ Feeling so high

♪ Waitin' to see what a new day will bring ♪

♪ Itching to know just where I live ♪

♪ Throw on my jacket headed for the street ♪

♪ Bout to engage in a little meet and greet ♪

♪ Brothers from the hood

♪ They call me Young Mac

♪ I give 'em some flack

♪ They don't play all that

♪ To them having a good time

♪ Is feeling so high on cloud number nine ♪

♪ Don't have a care or worry in the world ♪

♪ This is how I choose to live my life ♪

♪ Kinda laid back

♪ Kinda chillin' style

(oven door creaking)

♪ Don't let anything ever get me down ♪

(oven rack creaking)

♪ Live my life, Live my life

♪ This is how I live my life

♪ Life, live my life

(oven door creaking)

♪ This is how I live my life

- Hey babe, come join us.

We could use another player.

- No thanks.

I'm afraid to see you all naked.

- She's funny, huh?

Why you so down?

- It's grandpa.

- Oh shit!

He croaked?

- No, worse.

He's being foreclosed on.

- Lemme see that.

Apparently he hasn't paid her mortgage in like six months,

and he owes almost like $15,000 in back payments

and penalties.

- This shit just keeps getting better and better.

- That's what I said.

Except without the shit part.

- What is he gonna do?

- There's nothing he can do?

He doesn't even have any savings.

- Hairy fudge balls!

- This is legit.

What are you gonna do?

- What do you think I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna start a fucking car wash.

- Ah, hell yeah!

(cheering and upbeat music)

- What'd I miss, what'd I miss?

- [Together] Cheers.

(upbeat electronic music)

- Okay, so what do we need?

- Don't you worry, Max and I got it all figured out.

- That's what I'm worried about.

- We ran it by the girls at the club

and they all agreed to help out, working for tips only.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Very impressive.

- I'll handle all the girls.

- And I'll handle the traffic.

- And you'll handle the money, since you are the smart one.

- Very impressive.

So, when do we start?

(upbeat music)

- When do we open?

- We opened half an hour ago.

- At this rate we'll never make any tips.

- Here's your tip.

(screaming and laughing)

- No, come on girls, don't get discouraged.

We just forgot to turn on the open sign, that's all.

- [Amanda] What's going on?

- I thought a good product sells itself.

- Yeah, but does anyone know about our product?

- Hey Emma, will you go out to the front

and turn on the open sign?

- Okay.

- Thanks babe!

- There you go, girl.

(upbeat music)

(sensual electronic music)

- Here we go, girls.

(sensual electronic music)

(chattering)

(sensual electronic music)

- Paid a pretty penny for that, uh, sexy machine over there.

My friends told me it was a little showy, not necessary,

but I believe in living right, you know what I mean?

- Yeah, totally.

- Do I know you from somewhere?

- Nah.

I just got one of those faces, you know?

- I had a Shar Pei had one of those faces too.

Shaved his ass, taught him to walk backwards.

(laughing)

Nah, nah, I'm just kidding, just kidding.

Lotta money,

lotta money. - What?

- But if you're gonna live, you gotta live correctly, right?

You know what I'm talkin' about?

That car, worth every penny.

That's not just a machine.

That my friend, chick magnet.

- Oh, go suck a dick.

- What was that?

- I said so psychedelic, you know,

the way the light comes down and shines on the surface?

- It's very astute of you.

That's a word that means you're on fleek, my friend.

(mumbling)

But I, maybe I'll repaint it,

maybe I'll work it around,

do some sort of silly, silly, silly thing,

kind of show everybody how street I am.

I'm workin' it pretty good, I think.

Got a lot of action going on, a lot of numbers,

but a car like that,

I mean a car like that,

that's the tip of the iceberg.

That's where you start.

That's the beginning square in Monopoly, my friend.

That is the beginning.

You move on from there.

You have a car like that,

you have to have some place to put it.

You got a (foreign language), you gotta have some place

to drop that in.

Got that car, you gotta have a good home to put it in.

I gotta palace.

I make Xanadu look like a porta- potty,

you know what I'm talkin' about?

My place, Monte Sereno, I mean, 4.5 mil.

Shoulda spent more, shoulda, but I,

I don't believe in being too flashy, you know,

you know how it goes.

- Ah, what an asshole.

- What's that?

- I said what a hassle it must be to maintain,

keep that place clean.

- You know it's what I have people for.

Got people.

You either have people or you are people, right?

You're either Willy Wonka or you're the Oompa Loompa.

I choose to be the Wonka.

The uber Wonka.

The bro Wonka.

I don't like the hat though.

The hat's gotta go,

but, nah, I got plenty of staff.

24 hours, all the time.

(fingers snapping)

Ready at my beck and call.

- Fuck off.

- What's that?

- I said I gotta take off.

I think I see my Prius is ready.

- All right, well, you have a good one.

No shame in Japanese steel. (laughing)

If you suck dick and you're queer.

They lost World War Two, you know?

(laughing)

Good job buddy, good on ya.

Maybe you can afford a real car someday, that'd be nice.

I'll keep hoping for ya.

Maybe that'll work out better for ya next time.

(footsteps crunching)

Oh I paid quite a pretty penny for the sexy machine over...

(sensual electronic music)

Good talk, nice to know you.

Hey, you wanna go to a party?

(sensual electronic music)

Are we done?

She ready?

Okay?

Let's go.

(sensual electronic music)

- Beer?

- Water.

(feet thudding)

All right.

$452.

- Right on!

- No.

- What do you mean, no?

That's more than I make on most nights dancing.

- While it's a very successful day,

it's far too short from the $15,000 we need for grandpa

and the additional $1,500 we need for ourselves.

At this rate, it's gonna take us two months

to get to our goal.

So what's the problem?

- We don't have two months.

We barely have a week to get the money for grandpa

so his house doesn't go into foreclosure.

- We can offer hand-jobs for a little extra.

- Brit!

I'm not running a whorehouse.

- It was just an idea.

We'll just increase our prices.

- That's one option, but we're gonna have to triple

our prices to even come close to the amount that we need.

We need more cars.

- So, we'll advertise.

- We don't have an advertising budget.

- I know what!

- What?

- Ah, yeah.

(groaning)

Feels so good.

(phone ringing)

Hey, baby face.

- Max, I need a favor.

- Anything for you.

- Can you do me up a little flier about our car wash

and post it on the bulletin board at the club?

- You got it.

- You're a doll.

- I know!

Hey, Angel.

- Yeah?

- Could you do me a favor and get me a marker

and some paper?

- Sure!

(electronic music)

- Talk about direct marketing.

I'm very impressed.

- Thank you.

I dunno know why I didn't think about this before.

Now come on, let's go take a shower.

What?

I mean one at a time.

Please.

You're not even my type.

- Oh Please.

Everyone's your type.

- Fuck you!

- See what I mean?

(twangy music)

♪ She was cruisin' down Cali down in the valley ♪

♪ Tryin' to think of somethin' to do ♪

♪ She said the rents too high

♪ But so am I

♪ What's a poor girl to do

♪ So they came up with a plan

♪ To fight back to the man

♪ And get all the money they need ♪

♪ With some help from their friends ♪

♪ And a couple of tight ends

♪ They put it all together, my friends ♪

♪ The bikini valley car wash

♪ Yeah, if you're feeling dirty ♪

♪ This is the place to come

♪ The bikini valley car wash

♪ Yeah, we'll make you wet

♪ You can dry off in the sun

(guitar strumming)

♪ The bikini valley car wash

(screaming)

♪ Yeah, if you're feeling dirty ♪

♪ This is the place to come

♪ The bikini valley car wash

(yelling)

♪ Yeah, we'll make you wet

♪ And you can dry off in the sun ♪

♪ Now, we'll make you wet

♪ And you can dry off in the sun ♪

♪ Yeah, down in Cali

♪ You can dry off in the sun

♪ Yeah, now down in Cali

♪ You can dry off in the sun

(guitar strumming)

- Weren't you here last night?

- Yeah.

I can't seem to keep my car clean.

- Okay, Cool.

- You know, I'd love to eat you out sometime.

- What?

- I said I'd love to take you out to eat sometime.

- Oh, that would be nice.

- Holy shit, who the fuck is that?

- Who?

- That girl walking in slow motion.

(intense music)

(leaf blower blowing)

- Could you point that somewhere else, please?

- Oh.

Sorry. (laughing)

- Hi there.

- What will it be?

- How 'bout dinner, with me tomorrow night?

- I meant the car wash.

- I'll have the works.

- Good choice.

- I always make good choices.

So how about that dinner?

(laughing)

(hip hop music)

- So what line of work are you in?

- Making money.

- No, really?

- Well, more or less.

I buy beat up old houses

and flip them into multi-level apartment buildings.

- Very impressive.

- The valley's booming right now.

The smallest shanty house is worth it's weight in gold.

Last year my company bought an entire neighborhood,

we flipped it into a 400 units.

Made a fortune.

- Hm, very impressive.

- But I got nobody to spend it on.

- (laughing) Very smooth.

So, what happened to the people who lived there?

- It's not like I bulldozed them out of their houses.

- No, I didn't say that, either,

but, are they just willing to get up and move?

- Well, they didn't have much choice.

You know, most of 'em were in foreclosure.

So, I was kinda like the guardian angel.

- How so?

- Well, if they're in foreclosure,

they basically get out with the clothes on their backs,

I come in, make them an offer they can't refuse and boom.

Everybody's happy.

- Right.

- So how about that dinner?

- Excuse me God Father,

but I think I see some customers coming in.

- What the hell is this?

(laughing)

- Oh my gosh, put that away.

(laughing)

(car door shutting)

(suckling and moaning)

- What?

(hip hop music)

- You know the other day I was washing my car with my son,

and he stopped me, and he said,

"Dad, can't you just use the sponge?"

(laughing)

- They're so innocent, man.

Hey, you know what's worse than it raining

after you get a carwash,

is taking a shower, and then having to take a shit.

- [Man In Gray] Oh my god, that is the worse.

(phone ringing)

- Hey, what's up?

Fantastic, now, here's what I want you to do.

Put a market order on open at $85,

then buy 50,000 shares of a penny stock company

named NorCalSelco Inc.

They're about to be acquired by the search engine giant.

That's right, the one and only.

Earlier today, I overheard the jubilant CEO

in the parking lot, boasting to his girlfriend

on his cellphone about how much he stands to make

and the trips they're gonna take.

Now go, why are you still talking to me?

(laughing)

- Hey Uncle Ron.

Welcome to Bikini Valley Car Wash.

- Looking good, sweetie.

Looking good.

I thought I'd come down here and check out your operation.

- I actually decided not to have it.

- I meant the car wash.

- Oh, yeah, we're doing great.

Check it out.

Would you like a complimentary wash?

- Sure.

I could go for a bikini wax.

- Pull in.

- That's what she said.

- I'll have girls give you the works.

- Now you're talking.

(laughing)

- Hey sweetie, I know why you're doing this.

- You do?

- Yes, I do.

It's to help the old geezer keep the house.

- Are you mad?

- No, I'm not.

- You're the best, uncle Ron.

- I know.

- And just for that, I'm gonna have someone

very special take care of you.

- Hey, Brit!

Come here.

(rock music)

- Uh, can you just pretend you're not my niece

for like five minutes?

- Five minutes? (laughing)

- I'm just that fast.

I'm just kidding.

That's terrible, that's terrible.

- But, how's your car lookin'?

- You guys did a really, really nice job.

I'm just enjoying the hug right now, you know?

The car is secondary.

(mumbles)

- Yeah. (laughing)

- I'll get thrown in hell for this one.

(laughing)

- Nice, very, very impressive.

You guys got a really nice business coming up, here.

- Mhm, those wheels shiny enough for ya?

- Yep,

and speaking of coming up, just kidding.

(laughing)

(mumbling)

They're very nice.

(sighing)

- I can't even believe this.

Hey, Brit.

- [Britney] What's up?

- We're still short.

- What?

Really?

- Yeah, I added the totals to last nights totals

and we're still at $881.50.

- Muffin muchin' Monday's.

- I mean, I have about $300 saved up,

but that's not nearly enough to reach out goal.

- What about that hand job idea?

- Brit!

- There's gotta be a way.

- Maybe it's just not meant to be.

I mean, if it was meant to be,

it wouldn't be this hard.

- Nothing worth fighting for comes this easy.

I've got another idea.

- I think we made our goal.

Yes!

(cheering)

- Girls, girls, can I get all of your attention please?

There's a slight problem.

After adding up all the sales,

we still seem to be about $600 short

to saving grandpa's house.

Now, can I see some love for grandpa, please?

- For grandpa!

- [Bikini Girls] For grandpa!

(rock music)

- Oh, oh my god.

You girls are the best.

I feel like Jimmy Stewart

at the end of "It's a Wonderful Life".

Every time a bell rings, an angel gets it's wings.

Yeah, that's it.

- All right Wiki-Boy, I've got one for you.

Which is the only state to border a single other state?

What's the matter?

You stumped?

- No.

I just need to get in the zone, that's all.

- What are you doing?

- Nothing, hold on.

- You don't need your phone.

- Hey!

Gimme back my phone!

- Answer my questions first.

Oh, you suck.

You get all your answers online, don't you?

You suck big black donkey dicks.

Wait 'til I tell the others.

(sad music)

Hey, Wiki-Boy.

Your secret's safe with me.

Come on.

(dance music)

(cheering and screaming)

You gotta be kidding me.

- [Amanda] What?

- Today is the day.

I've got one more property to clear

and it's bulldozer time, baby.

Poor Mrs. Collins.

Taking her house from her was easier

than taking candy from a baby.

- I'm counting on you, Rich.

- Have I ever let you down before?

- I'm just saying, there's millions of dollars

riding on this deal.

If we don't get grandpa Hastings' house,

the whole deal falls through.

- Today, this very day is the day where this entire block

is yours.

- That's what I wanna hear.

- See that guy over there?

- Who?

Coldplay over there?

- Yeah.

That's Dave, he's a local land developer,

and then the other guy, that's Rich,

that's grandpa's banker.

- So?

- I dunno, there's just something I don't like about them.

In fact, we're supposed to meet him with the payment

in less than half an hour.

What is he doing here?

I'm gonna give him a call.

(phone ringing)

- This is Rich Grabel.

- Hey Rich, it's Amanda.

- Well, hello.

I've got the payment for grandpa's house.

- Excellent.

- So, I'm gonna go pick up grandpa

and then we'll be on our way to the office.

- No, no, no, don't go to the bank.

Keep grandpa inside, where he won't burst into flames

'cause the sun.

I'll be right over with the important paperwork.

- Okay.

We'll see you there then.

- All righty then.

- There's just something I don't like about them.

- What do you mean?

- I don't know yet.

- That was tweedle-dee and tweedle-duh.

They have all the money.

(laughing)

- Aren't they in for a nasty surprise?

(hysterical laughing)

(hands slapping)

(country music)

- Hey, Wiki-Boy, you wanna see some old pictures

of my family?

- Sure, I love old pictures.

- There's my mom and my dad.

(sad music)

It's my mom.

It's me and my dad at the park.

It's my mom and my aunt at my sister's wedding.

These are prolly the best days of my life, right there man.

- Yeah, I think those pictures came with the frame.

(laughing)

- What do you know?

Who the fuck are these people?

This isn't my family.

(frame cracking)

You know something, Wiki-Boy?

I gotta get something off my chest.

- Yeah, what is it, Lance?

(paper crunching)

What is that?

- It's this stupid thing I invented.

It's supposed to help alcoholics quit drinking.

See, what you do, is you dip this in vodka,

put it on your skin,

and then the alcohol is absorbed into your skin

at a slow and steady pace.

That way, alcoholics don't get withdrawals.

I call it The Alcohol Patch.

- How's it work for you so far?

- Not good.

I think there's some of my lungs on that patch.

Hey Bobo.

- Hey Bobby.

- Hey guys.

- Why the sad face?

- My girlfriend broke up with me.

- Well, uh, did she say you could still be cousins?

With benefits? (laughing)

- Good morning grandpa!

- Ho Ho Ho.

Merry fucking Christmas gramps!

- What are you doing?

- Packing.

- What, no, you don't have to do that.

We have good news.

- We have the money.

- What?

How?

What, what did you do?

- That doesn't matter right now, I'll explain later.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

you didn't strip for it, did you?

- No, we prostituted for it.

- No, we didn't strip or prostitute for it.

We started a car wash business.

- I didn't know car wash businesses were so lucrative.

- You just have to know who to hire, that's all.

- I don't know what to say,

thank you girls!

You're a lifesaver.

- Well, I've always thought of myself

as more of a Mentos girl, but whatever.

- Wait, I have an idea.

- What is it Grandpa?

- Why don't you two move in with me, rent free!

- Grandpa, we know you like your privacy.

- Privacy?

I'm old.

I don't need no privacy.

I need to be around people.

Would you please consider it?

- Well, why don't you just think about it?

- Think about it?

I just did.

We'll have lots of fun.

We can watch Matlock, The Price is Right,

Family Feud with Richard Dawson (crying and laughing).

- Uh, I don't know.

(laughing)

- Gotcha again.

(laughing)

Won't you think about it, for me?

- I say okay.

- And you too, hussy.

- What did he just call me?

- [Britney] I say all right.

- But you?

- Fucking A.

- Fucking A.

Fucking A.

Oh, I'm so happy, girls.

- Wait, wait, wait.

You know what this calls for, right?

- Shots?

- No.

- No.

- Yeah.

- No, no.

- You don't know how long I've waited for a chance to do it.

- Fine.

(upbeat music)

We're done.

Got anything else to drink besides Metamucil or Ensure?

- I'd offer you wine

but it says keep out of reach of children.

- Ha ha.

(doorbell ringing)

- He's here.

(doorbell ringing)

Come on in.

- Good afternoon.

(fingers tapping)

So, you have the entire amount?

- Yes, we do.

- Not a day too soon.

- I told you we'd make it.

- Yes, you did.

Now, let's review exactly what is owed

at this time, shall we?

Your total amount due with your situation

is $16,872.32.

- Wait, wait, no.

On the sheet you gave us, it says $14,960.14.

Not, $16,800 whatever you just said.

There's gotta be a mistake.

- You're mistaken.

Lemme see this.

Oh, I see what your discrepancy is.

- No, there's no discrepancy.

You gave us this sheet.

We got the amount of money, down to the tee,

and now we wanna give it to you

and we want a receipt.

- Hm, no.

So, let me explain where you've gone wrong.

This spreadsheet, and yourself, have not taken into account

the payment for this month, which started today.

If you had paid your balance in full yesterday,

this would have been your total,

but since it is today, which is not yesterday,

your total amount due is this.

- No, fuck that.

You gave us a week and here we are one week later.

Now, are you gonna take our money

or do I have to pop a cap in your ass?

- So, we should still have 29 days to pay this.

- No, because your account is in a (mumbles) so poorly,

the only way for you to come current on your account

at this time is to pay your full balance right now.

- Dick muncher.

- And you couldn't have said anything last week?

- I'm sorry.

I feel like we're so close that if I had the money

I would pay the difference for you,

but my hands are tied

like I wish yours weren't.

- I bet.

- It's okay, dear.

You did your best.

- But let's not have this all be doom and gloom.

My buyer is still prepared to write a check

for $250,000 for this property.

So, with just a few signatures,

you can be on your way to a luxurious retirement

at some sort of assisted living facility

in sunny Orlando.

- Testicle Tuesday.

- Shall we begin?

(exhaling)

- Where do I sign?

- This is bullshit.

- I don't make the rules, I just enforce them.

- I can't stand to watch this train wreck.

- Where do I sign?

- So, sign here, here, and here,

and then initial the bottoms of all the pages.

- Where do I sign?

- Let me go a bit slower for you.

Sign here,

here,

and here,

and initial

everywhere.

That slow enough for you?

- Don't be an asshole.

Leave him some dignity.

Hey Grandpa, I just saw Mrs. Collins outside

and it looked like she was crying.

- Those are tears of joy, keep signing (mumbles).

- Excuse me, I was talking to my grandfather.

- I wouldn't know why, dear.

Maybe she's having the same situation as me.

- What are the odds?

- Odds, odds?

Who said there were odds.

There are no odds.

It's a coincidence.

It's not even a coincidence.

It is the lesson of the day,

if you do not manage your finances,

you lose your home, you lose your things.

That's how it happens.

It is how it has always happened

and always will happen,

how it will continue to happen.

It happens more often than you would think.

Actually, you know exactly how often.

If you could, one last signature

right there would be perfect, thank you.

- You conniving little weasel!

- I would watch your tone (mumbles).

You are speaking to a professional.

- I don't even know why I didn't see before,

but now it's all clear.

How could an assistant bank manager

afford so many fancy cars?

- I work for my money, that's how.

It's not so hard to connect the dots.

- That man you were having lunch with earlier,

that is John Madison, and he is the President

of Excaliber Development Corporation,

and you're running these helpless senior citizens

out of their homes

and you're withholding their payment notifications

so they can't pay back their loan in one lump sum.

- I did no such thing.

- How much are they paying you?

- They?

They, who is they?

And no one is paying me.

Well, the bank is paying me,

but they are not paying me enough

to deal with the likes of you.

I will tell you that right now.

- How do you live with yourself?

- I'm just doing my job, sweet cakes.

- I'll be outside, grandpa.

- Come on, Brit.

(sad music)

- I can't believe it.

We were so close.

- I can't believe my grandfather's in there

signing his life away,

and there's nothing I can even do about it.

- I know.

It's sad.

(sad music)

♪ There's no defying gravity

♪ But you make me, make me feel ♪

♪ Indestructible

♪ Indestructible

♪ Yeah, you make me feel

- What?

(suspenseful music)

Holy shit!

- What?

- Come on.

(suspenseful music)

Hold it right there.

- What now?

- This statement shows that the total remaining balance

is $14,960 not $16,800 whatever like you were saying.

There are no further payments.

- You are wrong.

Let me see those.

Amateurs, everybody thinks they can understand paperwork.

(suspenseful music)

I was so careful.

- What?

You fucked up?

You forgot to add another payment in there

to surprise us with later?

- None of this matters.

None of that matters.

All that matters in this room, are these

because I own this house.

These are signed.

I win, you lose.

Nothing else matters.

- Lemme see that.

(paper tearing)

(screaming)

- You can't do that!

That's bank property.

Give me back that piece.

Give it to me!

- Now get the fuck out of my house.

(lips sputtering)

- What does this mean?

- It means we get to keep the house.

- We get to keep this house?

Oh darling!

(excited screaming)

(rock music)

Ah, come here!

(cheering)

(rock music)

- Hey, Lance.

How's your girlfriend?

Are you still dating her?

Did you date her this morning?

(hand slapping)

(rock music)

- Hey, Lance.

You did it.

Lance!

You did it!

- Oh shit!

I didn't do it.

I didn't do it.

The girl was naked when I got there, I swear!

- You did it.

- What'd I do?

- What about the girl?

- Oh, nevermind, what'd I do?

- It's more like, what did we do?

I just signed a deal with a company

wanting to acquire our Briskly app.

- Right on, man.

What does that mean?

- It means that you're gonna have enough money

to turn your fuck it list into bucket list.

- Fuck it, all right!

♪ We're in the money

♪ We're in the money.

♪ We're in the money.

(rock music)

(car engine revving)

(car door shutting)

(birds chirping)

- Oh, you come pay me?

Good.

- No, we come give you key.

- What do you mean?

- We mean, keep your old apartment and shove it.

(keys jangling)

Good luck on your renovation.

- No, you come back.

You come back now or I give you bad reference.

Come back now, come back.

Bullshit.

(engine revving)

- My Mama always said life was like was like

a box of chocolates.

Ya never know what you're gonna get.

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

Go ahead, make my day.

(laughing)

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

You're my only hope.

(laughing)

- [Man With Hood] No!

- If you build it, he will come.

- No, no, no, no.

That's my thing!

That's mine!

- Surely you can't be serious?

- I am serious and don't fucking call me Shirley.

- Hasta la vista, baby.

The dude abides.

(upbeat music)

- Lemme get your attention!

Hello, hello, hello.

Hello, folks.

I'd like to do a special toast

to my lovely niece, Amanda,

and her hard working, sexy ass friends

for creating a very exciting, savvy business.

So, let's get a very special toast

to the Bikini Valley Car Wash!

(cheering)

- [All Together] Bikini Valley Car Wash!

(cheering)

- Hit it.

(sensual music)

- Sorry, everyone.

(tape jangling)

(dance music)

♪ Yeah

♪ Dropped a shawty

(dance music in foreign language)

(dance music)

♪ Yeah

♪ Dropped a shawty

(dance music in foreign language)

(guitar strumming)

♪ The Bikini Valley Car Wash

♪ Yeah, if you're feelin' dirty ♪

♪ This is the place to come

♪ The Bikini Valley car Wash

♪ Yeah, we'll make you wet

♪ And you can dry off in the sun ♪

♪ Yeah, now, we'll make you wet ♪

♪ And you can dry off in the sun ♪

♪ Yeah, down in Cali

♪ You can dry off in the sun

(lips sputtering)

♪ Yeah, now down in Cali

♪ You can dry off in the sun

- Well, one thing is for sure,

the adult industry just isn't what it used to be.

(groaning)

(sad music)