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1
00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:11,428
Wait for it. Wait for it...
2
00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:21,938
All right.
3
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,399
I think we've officially reached
the final stop
4
00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:26,026
of the YouTube K-hole tour.
5
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:27,109
All right.
6
00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:28,403
Maybe we should...
7
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,405
you know, go do something.
8
00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:32,949
What do you want to do?
9
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,034
I don't know.
10
00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:37,829
I'm kind of hungry.
11
00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:39,955
All right.
12
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:40,998
Let's do it.
13
00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:52,177
You love a slip-on shoe.
14
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:53,428
What?
15
00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:54,929
No shade.
16
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:58,475
I'm just realizing, I don't think
I've ever seen you wear...
17
00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:01,269
shoes with actual laces before.
18
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:02,270
Hey, babe.
19
00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:03,813
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
20
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:06,816
Hey, Ryan.
21
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,140
- Hi.
- What are you guys doing?
22
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:10,353
Ryan and I are thinking about
getting something to eat.
23
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:11,738
Perfect, I'm starving.
24
00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:13,823
I just had the most insane CrossFit.
25
00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:17,744
Oh, was it just super insane? Just like...
26
00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:19,954
Did you kill it at the gym? Did you shred?
27
00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:21,206
I'll shred you, bitch.
28
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:23,374
Oh, yeah, bitch, yeah.
29
00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,043
Okay, I'm gonna go.
30
00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:27,587
What? You just said you were hungry.
31
00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:30,006
I did. It's just...
32
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:33,635
I can't stay long,
so we have to get something very quickly.
33
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:35,178
Okay.
34
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,346
All right, let's go.
35
00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:38,723
You're just gonna
have protein shakes? Huh?
36
00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:42,060
You gonna shred them?
You gonna shred the protein shakes?
37
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:45,897
So you went to dinner with them?
38
00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:47,440
And a movie.
39
00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:50,110
I even bought Chris a Sprite.
40
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,904
Why are you torturing yourself?
41
00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:54,155
Because.
42
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,467
He's like the first guy I've met
who doesn't make me feel
43
00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,201
like a freak on a leash.
44
00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:00,495
Honey, you have to be honest with him.
Yeah?
45
00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:01,578
I know.
46
00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:03,872
Karen?
47
00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:06,166
Huh.
48
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:08,086
Well, well, well.
49
00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:09,169
Hey.
50
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:11,047
Oh.
51
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,508
Out of all the outdoor patios
in Agoura Hills.
52
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,385
Wait, what are you doing here?
53
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:17,468
I'm having lunch,
what do you think I'm doing here?
54
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:20,140
Mom, why is creepy neighbor guy
kissing you?
55
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:21,891
I'm... Oh...
56
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,059
Okay, wait.
57
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,644
Phil, this is Ryan. Ryan...
58
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,312
this is Phil.
59
00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:28,332
- Phil, this...
- Hey, nice to meet you. Phil.
60
00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:29,356
Introduce yourselves.
61
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,526
Your mom never shuts up about you.
62
00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:34,028
I never shut up about you.
63
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,446
Are you wearing my jacket?
64
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,036
Babe, I thought you said it was
at the cleaners.
65
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,410
No, babe.
66
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,996
My mom bought this for me
at a vintage store.
67
00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:44,414
Actually...
68
00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:46,958
Phil and I have been
spending time together,
69
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:48,668
Ry, and...
70
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,087
he's right, that is his jacket.
71
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,089
Oh, my God, you lied to me.
72
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,383
I'm sorry, Ry. I'm so sorry.
73
00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:56,467
- I...
- Eww.
74
00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:58,803
Wait...
75
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,097
Where are you going?
76
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,974
Ry, I'm sorry.
77
00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:03,892
Ugh.
78
00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:04,934
Hey.
79
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,603
Eww, eww, eww.
80
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:07,812
Ry...
81
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,564
Honey, where are you going?
82
00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:11,064
Ry!
83
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:14,652
Well, he's spirited.
84
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:16,738
This is not good.
85
00:03:22,076 --> 00:03:23,995
Kim, you're not going to believe this.
86
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,040
My mom has a secret fucking boyfriend.
87
00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:29,167
Good for her! That girl needed a win.
88
00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:30,418
No, not good for her.
89
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:31,877
She lied to me.
90
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:32,920
Karen.
91
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:35,173
So sketchy, I love.
92
00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:36,674
She probably didn't tell me
93
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:40,220
because she was afraid that I'd freak out,
which I know I am.
94
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,930
Didn't you want her to get a life?
95
00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:45,391
You told me she was like Brie Larson
in Room but, like, by choice.
96
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,018
Yeah, I do want her to get a life,
97
00:03:47,101 --> 00:03:50,605
I just didn't think that she'd get
a life and a boyfriend before me.
98
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:53,149
Ryan, do you want a boyfriend?
99
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,567
Because I can get you one.
100
00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:56,945
Do not trust.
101
00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,447
I'm serious.
I have the perfect guy for you.
102
00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:02,075
He's funny, he's smart,
he has a huge dick.
103
00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:04,035
How do you know he has a huge dick?
104
00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:06,120
He's my cousin. I'll set it up.
105
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:08,998
Do you think she and her cousin fucked?
106
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:10,333
I don't know.
107
00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:13,020
Do you think I can tackle incest
on a first date or is it too much?
108
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,089
Oh, hey, how was Carey's the other night?
109
00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,757
How'd you know I was at Carey's?
110
00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,051
Because he told me?
111
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:21,928
Oh, right.
112
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,095
Obvi.
113
00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:24,013
Um...
114
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,097
Carey's was great.
115
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:26,431
I mean,
116
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,810
hanging out with Carey is
kind of, like, always great.
117
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:30,853
I don't know, I just...
118
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,897
I really like spending time with him.
119
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,566
His boyfriend on the other hand,
I just...
120
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,610
I don't know. I just don't see it.
121
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:40,571
Well, have Carey show you a picture
of his ass, then you'll see it.
122
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,907
He has a nice... a nice ass?
123
00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,325
Made in a gay factory.
124
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:45,993
Wow.
125
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:47,453
I love that for him.
126
00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:55,585
Who was that?
127
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:00,882
There you go.
128
00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:02,844
Oh, God.
129
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,514
- He's never going to forgive me.
- For what?
130
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,516
Having a boyfriend?
131
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,394
Oh, he's right.
How dare you find happiness.
132
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:14,355
You don't get it.
It's always just been the two of us.
133
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,357
He's just not used to this.
134
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:18,318
Well, things change.
135
00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:21,904
If he's really gonna hold onto a grudge,
he's just being an asshole.
136
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:26,075
I cannot believe that you just said that.
137
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,952
He's not an asshole, he has CP.
138
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:30,163
So? People with CP can be assholes, too.
139
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:31,998
Get out of here! Please leave.
140
00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:34,208
Oh, come on. Let's calm down, all right?
141
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:36,044
Don't tell me to calm down!
142
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,337
Please leave.
143
00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:55,979
Hey.
144
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,064
Are you Ryan?
145
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,232
Yeah, hi.
146
00:05:58,316 --> 00:05:59,316
Hi.
147
00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:00,650
Nice to meet you.
148
00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:03,579
You, too. Oh, I'm sorry.
149
00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:05,073
That's... Okay.
150
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:10,828
I kinda thought Olivia was punking me
and no one was gonna show up,
151
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,246
but you're here.
152
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:15,541
So this date's kind of
already exceeding my expectations.
153
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,001
I'm sorry, I'm not your date.
154
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,380
- You're not?
- No, I'm Jordan.
155
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:21,463
That's Michael.
156
00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:24,925
Hi.
157
00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:28,930
I'm confused.
158
00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:34,310
He thought I was his date.
159
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,648
No. So I'm Michael.
This is Jordan, my interpreter.
160
00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:41,737
I'm just gonna let you know
I'm sorry in advance
161
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,569
because I'm a blind date virgin,
162
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,446
so this might hurt a little bit.
163
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:49,574
Um...
164
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:51,327
How does this work?
165
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:55,081
So you'll just say whatever you want
to Michael,
166
00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:56,999
but just make sure he can
read your lips.
167
00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:00,585
Okay.
168
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,508
So this is my first time on a blind date,
169
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,635
but I've been on many
deaf dates before. [chucklesî
170
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:11,180
That's funny.
171
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:22,400
So, Olivia tells me that you're one of her
favorite people over at Eggwoke.
172
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,944
Oh, that's not true.
173
00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:26,404
She hates me.
174
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,574
Say it to Michael.
175
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:37,248
She hates me.
176
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:42,503
She really, really hates me.
177
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:52,889
You still mad at me?
178
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,476
I'm sorry for freaking out.
179
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,312
Well, I have just the remedy for that.
180
00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:00,271
You do?
181
00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:01,564
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
182
00:08:02,398 --> 00:08:03,398
Santa Barbara.
183
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:05,818
I love Santa Barbara!
184
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:06,903
Well, perfect.
185
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:10,031
I rented us a cute little Craftsman
on Airbnb with a hot tub.
186
00:08:10,364 --> 00:08:13,117
We are gonna spend the weekend naked,
under the stars, drinking wine.
187
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:14,242
It's gonna be amazing.
188
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:16,162
But you booked it already?
189
00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:17,245
Yeah.
190
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,375
Without asking me?
You have to ask me, Phil.
191
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:22,877
You can't just do that.
192
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,295
Oh, okay.
193
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:26,923
Want to go to Santa Barbara this weekend?
194
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:28,757
No.
195
00:08:29,383 --> 00:08:31,511
Like, what if Ryan wants to talk?
196
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:35,264
And I'm like, "Sorry that I lied to you
about having a boyfriend.
197
00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:38,309
Now we're going away for the weekend.
Bye."
198
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,353
So you can go, you just won't go.
199
00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:46,817
I...
200
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:49,779
I... can't do this, Phil.
201
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,822
I can't. It's too much. I...
202
00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:54,408
I... You don't get my life.
203
00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:56,285
I'm sorry.
204
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,370
Jesus.
205
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,373
Me, too.
206
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,336
Rot in hell. Period.
207
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,088
Never talk to me again.
208
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,548
Exclamation point.
209
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:09,924
Smile emoji.
210
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:11,216
Winky face.
211
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:14,595
Sorry, I'm just texting with my mom.
It's her birthday.
212
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,221
Anyway,
213
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:17,681
what's up?
214
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,892
Nothing. I just...
215
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:23,813
I wanted to talk to you about my date
with Michael.
216
00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,148
Um... He probably already told you.
217
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,942
That he wasn't into it?
218
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,361
Yeah, he did tell me.
219
00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:31,279
Sorry.
220
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:33,864
I really thought setting you up
with someone who couldn't hear
221
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:35,575
how annoying you were was the ticket.
222
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:37,159
Michael wasn't into it?
223
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:39,495
I wasn't into it.
224
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,622
Too intimidated? I get it.
225
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,457
He is so hot.
226
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,261
And then there's his
abnormally large penis.
227
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:46,752
Okay, first of all, eww.
228
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:49,505
You really shouldn't know that
because he's your cousin.
229
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,965
Okay? Second of all,
230
00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:53,342
you didn't tell me he was deaf, okay?
231
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:55,135
So?
232
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:56,053
You're disabled.
233
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,638
I am not disabled.
234
00:09:58,139 --> 00:09:59,223
I was hit by a car.
235
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:03,561
And you were left with a weird limp,
which I'm pretty sure makes you disabled.
236
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:04,644
Whatever.
237
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,814
I can still do better than a deaf guy.
238
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:08,107
Wow.
239
00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:10,318
Are you serious right now?
240
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:11,902
This is amazing.
241
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:15,197
Like, I knew that you were fucked up,
but this is, like, layers.
242
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,158
You have to write about this.
243
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,451
Write about what?
244
00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:19,869
How you hate that you're disabled
245
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,997
and getting set up with someone who's deaf
forced you to look in the mirror.
246
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,332
That's not what this is.
247
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:29,086
- Why are you always so mean to me?
- Because you need it!
248
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,982
Everyone just treats you like you're
the boy in the car accident bubble.
249
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:34,800
Oh, so you being rude is actually
doing me a favor? Wow.
250
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:36,260
Thank you so much, Olivia.
251
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:37,344
Ah. You are so welcome.
252
00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:39,597
Ooh, and I thought of a new
article idea for you.
253
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,724
"Four Ways Ryan
Can Get His Shit Together."
254
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:44,810
Number one, he can stop suffering
from internalized ableism.
255
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:45,936
That's not a thing.
256
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:48,457
Yes, it is. Look at Twitter for 30 seconds
and you'll find it.
257
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,399
Number two, he can send
my hot-as-fuck cousin
258
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,485
a thank you note for going out with him.
259
00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:54,362
Three, you can learn to, oh, I don't know,
260
00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:55,363
love yourself.
261
00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:58,449
And four, you can wash your fucking hair.
It's snowing on your shirt.
262
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,911
I have psoriasis.
263
00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:04,872
Oh, do you consider
that a disability?
264
00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:06,831
Ugh.
265
00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:09,959
Grocery list.
266
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:11,961
Apple.
267
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:13,380
Egg.
268
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:15,132
Banana.
269
00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:16,592
Cigarette.
270
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,093
M&M.
271
00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:19,594
Sea salt.
272
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,686
Hi.
273
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:31,440
You weren't... you weren't answering
your phone, so I thought...
274
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:32,608
You'd stalk me?
275
00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:34,567
Yep.
276
00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,363
Do you want to run some errands?
277
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:40,281
Sure.
278
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,533
Oh.
279
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,378
How was your day?
280
00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:56,297
Terrible.
281
00:11:57,174 --> 00:11:58,384
Because...?
282
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:03,847
Mom...
283
00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:06,225
Am I secretly fucked up?
284
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:12,898
Are there, like, layers of
fucked-up-ness inside of me
285
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:14,525
that I don't even know exist?
286
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,067
What?
287
00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:17,361
There is.
288
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:18,445
No.
289
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:22,408
I don't make sense to anyone anywhere.
290
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,746
You make sense to me.
291
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:30,291
That's because
I have to make sense to you.
292
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,882
I broke up with Phil.
293
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:40,049
What?
294
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:41,134
Why?
295
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:44,764
Excuse me? I thought you would be happy.
296
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:46,097
No!
297
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,226
I needed time to process it, but...
298
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:53,022
Mom, I'm not a complete psycho, okay?
299
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:54,105
I get it.
300
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:55,774
Get what?
301
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,443
You wanting a boyfriend.
302
00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:00,488
This world is hard to go through alone.
303
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,033
So what happened?
304
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:08,579
I don't know.
305
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,749
Maybe I'm the one who's
secretly screwed up.
306
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,167
Please.
307
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,545
You're, like, the definition of stable.
308
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:17,922
You stabilize me.
309
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,011
You're going to find someone, Ry.
310
00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:25,513
I know you are.
311
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:28,224
You are too, Mumsy.
20619
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