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1
00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:27,861
Oh, hey. I thought you left.
2
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:32,240
I forgot the end table.
3
00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:35,326
Get off of your phone and help me.
4
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:38,413
Sorry, I'm just texting an invite
for my housewarming party.
5
00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:39,914
And...
6
00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,125
- sent.
- Housewarming? Ooh!
7
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:43,668
You can't come.
8
00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:45,378
I'm keeping it small.
9
00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:48,631
I'm going to invite Stephanie,
Rachel, Nora.
10
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,301
Didn't they drop you after college?
11
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:52,969
Drop me? No.
12
00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:55,430
- Huh.
- I mean, we may have drifted a little,
13
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:57,599
but that's because they got
apartments in LA,
14
00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,476
and I stayed in Disturbia with you.
15
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,019
There is nothing wrong with that.
16
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,146
Yes, there is. It's tragic.
17
00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:05,607
But look at this place.
18
00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:07,734
They're gonna be obsessed.
19
00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:23,958
Ryan, stop.
20
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,794
Look, are you sure you want to do this?
21
00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:27,461
Mom.
22
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,172
Yes, I'm sure.
23
00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:33,426
There's just so much stuff
that you don't know how to do.
24
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,596
At least let me do the end table.
25
00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:37,679
No! God.
26
00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:39,557
I don't need your help.
I can figure it out.
27
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,768
Even normal people ask for help.
28
00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:45,063
Oh, I'm sorry,
29
00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:46,397
am I not normal?
30
00:01:46,856 --> 00:01:49,192
No, I didn't mean that, honey.
You know that.
31
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:50,985
I'm gonna be okay.
32
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,532
- It's your journey that's a little TBD.
- TBD?
33
00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:56,825
Yes!
34
00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:01,162
Mom, promise me you're not gonna
just be sitting at home, watching TV,
35
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:04,165
and refreshing the Neighborhood Watch page
with news about
36
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,042
that new neighbor with the gross,
porny name.
37
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,126
Phil?
38
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:08,836
Yeah.
39
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:10,045
Phil.
40
00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:12,590
If you're okay, I'm okay.
41
00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,136
If you say so.
42
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:51,504
Hey, I'm Trevor.
43
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:52,589
Hi, I'm Ryan.
44
00:02:53,047 --> 00:02:54,048
Welcome to my home.
45
00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:55,257
Thanks.
46
00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:57,010
Where's the furniture?
47
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:58,761
It's in the box.
48
00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:00,345
Oh.
49
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,181
Great.
50
00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:04,224
Okay.
51
00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:08,605
Looks like someone was biting the box.
52
00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:10,815
I have a dog!
53
00:03:11,065 --> 00:03:12,400
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
54
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:14,944
Yeah, Simba's at obedience school
right now.
55
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,738
It's... for the biting.
56
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,323
Obviously, so...
57
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,950
- Yeah.
- That's, yeah, for the best.
58
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,036
Okay, well, good luck.
59
00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:24,412
Thanks.
60
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,396
Yas!
61
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:51,480
What?
62
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,067
Oh, that wasn't directed at you.
63
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,069
Keep up the good work, though.
64
00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:08,206
Mom, you're late!
65
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,708
The girls are going to be here,
like, really soon.
66
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:12,627
Excuse me!
67
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,212
I was at your grandma's.
68
00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:15,505
And you should be grateful,
69
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:18,424
making me set up for a party
I'm not even invited to.
70
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:19,508
Rude.
71
00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:21,261
I'm sorry, Mom.
72
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:22,511
Thank you.
73
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,055
Not accepted.
74
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:28,184
Hey, Mom, do you know how to, like,
stick a balloon to a wall?
75
00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:44,951
Hey!
76
00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:48,121
I saw you put the table together
in the bedroom!
77
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:49,622
I'm so impressed!
78
00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:51,833
Oh, I told you I'd figure it out.
79
00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:52,916
Yeah.
80
00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:54,544
Where are the crackers?
81
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:56,838
Shoot.
82
00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:58,339
I think I forgot them.
83
00:04:58,423 --> 00:04:59,423
Wait, what?
84
00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:02,176
Calm down, I can go to the store.
85
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,820
No. There's no time. They're gonna be here
in, like, ten minutes.
86
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:05,846
All right.
87
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,141
Wait. Maybe you should go to the store.
88
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,185
Okay, I'll go to the store.
89
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:29,412
Wait.
90
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:31,205
What? Do you want me to go or not?
91
00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:33,498
No.
92
00:05:33,624 --> 00:05:34,500
I got it.
93
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,544
- All right.
- Thank you for your help.
94
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:37,836
You're welcome.
95
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:38,879
Be safe.
96
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,132
- Have a good time.
- Love you.
97
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:43,508
Really?
98
00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:15,290
Hey.
99
00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:16,834
What are you doing tonight?
100
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,670
Whoa.
101
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,464
Happy housewarming.
102
00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:23,383
You finally have your own place again.
103
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:24,300
Aw. Thank you.
104
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,470
I can't believe you did all of this
for just me.
105
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:30,598
Oh, it's just a meat and cheese plate.
106
00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:32,016
And champagne.
107
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,643
It's not even New Year's Eve!
108
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:35,895
Well, what can I say?
109
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:37,522
You're worth it.
110
00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:39,649
I'm gonna go pee.
111
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:40,732
Okay.
112
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:41,818
Thanks for the info.
113
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:22,774
Hi.
114
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:24,484
Hi.
115
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,447
Sorry I'm late.
116
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:30,741
- Mm-hmm.
- Traffic was terrible.
117
00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:33,995
Ah, next door neighbor humor.
I like it.
118
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:36,621
I like you.
119
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,166
Thanks.
120
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,585
But that isn't necessary.
121
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:58,478
Listen, I'm not trying to sound paranoid
or whatever, but...
122
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,835
Was this party meant for someone else?
123
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,693
What?
124
00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:07,320
Saw a text from your mom.
125
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,822
Said to say hi to Stephanie and the girls.
126
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:15,911
Oh, my God.
127
00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:18,498
You totally friend recycled this party.
128
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:20,790
Ah.
129
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:23,544
I didn't friend recycle this party, okay?
130
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,295
I just...
131
00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:30,551
No, you know what? That's...
132
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,178
That's exactly what I did.
133
00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:35,096
Okay.
134
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,349
Now I'm just scared.
135
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,351
Are you one of those grifter types?
136
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:40,019
No! God.
137
00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:45,441
I've never lived on my own before.
138
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,067
Okay?
139
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:49,110
My mom,
140
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:52,240
she's overprotective, it's strange,
I know,
141
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,992
and I thought I had these friends
from college, but...
142
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,120
maybe I'm Dean & Delusional
because they all bailed.
143
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,040
And that's when I called you.
144
00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:04,460
I'm a loser, Kim.
145
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:08,422
I'm a loser that's been masquerading...
146
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:09,965
as a non-loser.
147
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:11,968
You're not a loser.
148
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,218
Okay?
149
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:17,515
We all put a Valencia filter on our life
to make it seem better than actually is.
150
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:18,683
But you don't.
151
00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:20,016
I mean,
152
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:22,353
your whole brand is, like, honesty.
153
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:24,605
Eww. "Brand"? Go to jail.
154
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:25,856
I'm just saying.
155
00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:27,775
You don't give a shit.
156
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,278
Oh, I give multiple shits.
157
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:31,653
Oh, really?
158
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:32,862
About what?
159
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,492
Okay, look.
160
00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:40,329
In the spirit of bonding
and cementing our friendship,
161
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,123
I'm going to tell you something,
162
00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:44,000
but you have to promise
not to say anything.
163
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:45,626
Okay, I promise.
164
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:49,170
I'm broke.
165
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:50,755
Ta-da.
166
00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:53,341
Broke?
167
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,596
Babe, you're wearing a DVF dress
right now.
168
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,138
Exactly.
169
00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:01,100
You can't afford this shit
on a blogger's salary.
170
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,562
Look, I love clothes
171
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:06,230
and looking glam
172
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,774
and hashtag-goals, all the time, trust.
173
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,402
But sometimes I just feel like,
174
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:14,280
as a non-skinny, non-white girl,
175
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:15,781
I got to work overtime.
176
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:19,076
It's like, "Hey, I'm a voluptuous
brown girl,
177
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,705
but I'm wearing a $448 dress
and I got a blowout,
178
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,915
so I'm safe! Accept me!"
179
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:27,251
It's exhausting.
180
00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:28,878
And expensive.
181
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,671
I'm in so much debt.
182
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:32,631
Is that...
183
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,216
why you drive for Roadsy?
184
00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:35,508
Yeah.
185
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:37,553
Point is, I get why you lied.
186
00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:40,848
'Cause this isn't exactly my truth either.
187
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:44,644
Let's just promise not to lie
to each other again, okay?
188
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,604
That's not how we want to do
this friendship.
189
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,189
I promise.
190
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,069
Can we hug now?
191
00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:54,695
Okay.
192
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:57,531
But don't wrinkle my dress.
I got to return it tomorrow.
193
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:01,618
Mm.
194
00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:04,622
Now can I invite
some of my friends over?
195
00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:06,999
I don't want that yum-yum cheese
to go to waste.
196
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,669
Or this soap.
197
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,170
It cost $40.
198
00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:13,214
- Bitch, I know.
- I got the body wash.
199
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:19,804
I bet you had no idea
I was this popular.
200
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:22,723
I had a blurry watercolor of an idea.
201
00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:27,019
- Hey, yay!
- Carey!
202
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,107
Ry, meet one of my bests, Carey.
203
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:32,566
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
204
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:33,651
Happy home.
205
00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:34,860
Oh, thank you.
206
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:38,989
Carey actually works in our building
at a fancy-schmancy print mag.
207
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:42,243
Oh, yeah, we're so fancy
we can't even afford pens.
208
00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:43,827
Hey!
209
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,329
What are we, in junior high?
210
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,415
Who the fuck told you to bring a hookah?
211
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,500
- I'll be right back, boys.
- Go get 'em.
212
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,088
This is a big place.
213
00:11:57,174 --> 00:11:58,426
Yeah, it's nice, minimal.
214
00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:03,889
Yeah.
215
00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:08,686
Where's the bathroom?
216
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:10,479
Oh, it's...
217
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:13,524
- I can show you.
- Okay.
218
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,317
Show me. Which way we're we going?
219
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:16,819
Oh, is this the bedroom?
220
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:18,279
- Yeah.
- Uh-oh.
221
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:23,408
Well,
222
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,743
here you are.
223
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,912
Okay. Thanks, Ryan.
224
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:35,880
We got the same soap.
225
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:37,422
Yay.
226
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,340
Yay.
227
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:17,004
No one cares, Ry! Just do it!
228
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,926
Kim, are you telling me to dance
like nobody's watching?
229
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:23,009
Yes!
230
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:25,512
Okay.
231
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:27,598
♪ Every day and night ♪
232
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:30,810
♪ I can see your disco disco dick ♪
233
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:33,813
♪ Is sucking my heart out of my mind ♪
234
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:36,565
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
235
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:39,360
♪ You got what you been asking for ♪
236
00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:41,111
♪ You're so policy free and ♪
237
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:44,198
♪ Your fantasy wheels
and everything you think ♪
238
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:45,616
♪ And everything you feel ♪
239
00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:49,620
♪ Is alright, alright,
alright, alight, alright ♪
240
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:06,470
♪ I take you home,
now watch me get you hot ♪
241
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:09,098
♪ You're just a parrot
when you're screaming ♪
15684
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