All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S04E00.Merry.Christmas.Johnny.Rose.WEBRip.x264-KOMPOST.en

♪ Silent night

♪ Holy night

♪ All is calm

♪ All is bright

♪ Round yon virgin,
Mother and child ♪

♪ Holy infant, so tender and mild ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace

♪ Sleep in heavenly

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace

Oh, thank you, thank you.

Now, Aretha will be
out in just a moment.

Oh, who needs Aretha, when
we have you, darling? Ha ha!

Paul Shaffer, you are
my most cherished friend!

And, worth every penny.

Oh, you guys are too kind.

And now a special little sec...

David, you can step aside now, dear.

There he goes, David Rose.

And now, a special
little secular something

I'd like to dedicate to my husband,

Mr. Johnny Rose!

Johnny! Johnny! Johnny! Johnny!

Johnny! Johnny! Johnny! Johnny!

Johnny! Johnny!

John? John, you're talking
in your sleep again.

Oh.

What day is it?

Christmas Eve.

Wake me when it's over.

-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

Ah!

- Kids!
- Ugh!

Outta bed, it's Christmas Eve,

and this year we will be
celebrating the holiday!

I'm good, thanks, though.

Okay, can you turn
the lights off, please?

No, I refuse to turn off the light

on Christmas again, this year.

I understand not wanting to
make a fuss our first year.

We were depressed, and in shock.

- Last year...
- Less shock, deeper depression.

Well, I was going to say,

we were finally making some headway.

Okay, so what exactly
is your proposal, then?

Well, I say we throw a
party. Just like the old days.

Invite some people
over, sing some carols.

Okay, you know today
is Christmas Eve, right,

and maybe people don't
wanna spend it like, caroling

in front of mom's wig wall?

I can't think of a more festive way

to spend Christmas Eve,
than all of us pitching in.

Okay, I just don't know how
we're gonna pull this off

without the grand piano,
or the ice sculptures.

Or the reindeer room.

I'm afraid this whim of
yours is going to obliterate

our precious holiday memories.

Well, that's exactly the point, Moira.

We have to make new memories.

We have to start looking
forward, not backward.

Now, you and I will get the tree.

David, you're in charge
of the decorations,

'cause I don't wanna hear
I've made another mistake.

Alexis, I trust you can
handle the guest list?

Oh, okay, re the guest list, um,

unfortunately, Ted and I
will be unable to attend.

Why? Cancel your plans! Ted
is certainly welcome here!

Okay, what about the
gift situation then,

because everything on my
list requires pre-order.

Okay, come on, let's
get dressed, everybody.

We're running out of time!

Look at you, Mr. Rose,

seemingly possessed by
the Christmas spirit.

Ha, ha! That reminds me,

somebody needs to find the menorah.

_

David, we can have drinks
literally any night.

Christmas with your
family sounds like fun.

Yeah, it was fun, like
way, way, way back.

We used to throw these
lavish Christmas parties.

- I'm sure you read about them.
- I have not.

I see. Well they were
big, and they were fun.

And, ever since we moved here,

we just sort of decided to fast
forward through the holidays.

Well, as somebody who
would love to be celebrating

with his family back home,

I think it's nice that your
Dad's planning something.

Hello.

- Merry Christmas, Patrick!
- Merry Christmas, Stevie!

Do I not get a Merry Christmas, or... ?

I thought you were Jewish?

I'm a delightful half-half situation,

which is why it's so
annoying that my Dad thinks

he can boss people around on a holiday

that he technically
has no authority over.

Well, can whichever half
is feeling the most generous

give me a discount on
two cases of wine, please?

How many people does he think
are showing up to this thing?

Oh, he only wanted one case.

I have my own holiday tradition.

It's like the 12 Days of Christmas,

but it's 1 day with 12 bottles of wine.

That sounds like fun.

Are we supposed to be doing
anything for this party?

Um, yes, decorations,

but even if we could
still afford Nate Berkus,

I'd burned that bridge in Ibiza.

Okay, but we have plenty
of decorations here, so.

Yeah, that are for sale.

We're not just giving
away our inventory.

Wow. So, what time is the
Ghost of Christmas Past

- coming to visit you tonight?
- Ooh, burn, David!

Anyway, I'm sure there's
something at the motel.

Don't you guys put up
decorations over the holidays?

Um, Nana Bud used to.

There's a box in the attic.

Okay, so you do have decorations, then.

Yeah, but I'm pretty sure they
wouldn't be up to your standards.

Well, they'll have to
do, because at this point,

the party's at 7, and
I don't have any time

to mood-board a color scheme.

Okay. Thank you.

Do you have time to
mood-board a color scheme?

- Does anyone?
- No.

Knock, knock.

Hey! Come in!

Smells so good in here!

Look at you in that flouncy apron,

you little Christmas Elf!

I'm gonna take that as a compliment,

even though everything inside
me's telling me that it's not.

What have we here?

Ah, it's just a bit of a
tradition at Christmas parties

that I have with my friends.

See, we do a cookie competition,

and then the winner gets to take home

all of the leftovers to their
families on Christmas Day.

So cute. I basically did
exactly the same thing

with my friends once.
But instead of cookies,

it was whatever we could find

in our parents' medicine cabinets,

and instead of a Christmas party,

it was an old boot factory in Krakow.

Well, I, I did get up
at the Krak-ow dawn,

so that Alexis could bake these cookies.

Alexis didn't bake
these cookies, though.

Yeah, no, I know, I just thought that

we would say that you did,

so that we could give you
a leg-up with my friends.

Why would I need a
leg-up with your friends?

No, no... reason.

They are very excited to meet you.

Just...

It did take a bit of convincing,

after the called-off engagement... s.

But, they have all agreed
to give you one last chance.

What?

I shouldn't have said one
last chance, I just meant like,

one... more... final chance.

I-I'm making this
sound worse than it is.

They-they're gonna love you.

Wow, what if something
came up and I couldn't come?

Yeah. What if I missed
chest and back day?

Rather not think about it.

- Wait... did something come up?
- No, no. Not at all.

Um, my Dad just had this
last minute idea of um,

throwing a Christmas party tonight.

So something did come up?
I-I had thought that you said

that your family doesn't
celebrate Christmas?

Well, we don't, normally.

I honestly don't know
what he's thinking.

Okay, but I don't wanna
keep you from your family.

You're not.

I do want to meet your
cool, scary, judgy friends,

and the last thing I wanna
do is cause you any trouble.

So, why don't you just
double this cookie recipe,

and we'll drop a batch off
to my parents on our way?

O... Kay, that's just 72
more cookies to make, then.

Oh, isn't this festive?

It's like an old-fashioned
country Christmas, huh Moira?

Picking out a fresh-cut tree?

No, all I can think about
is the 22' Norwegian Pine

we once had.

And the protestors,
shouting at the flatbed truck

as it made its way
through our front gates.

Now that was festive.

Well, obviously we'll
be looking at something

a bit more modest this year.

But this time, at least,

we get to pick out the tree ourselves.

Mm, smell those pine needles.

Oh, hi, Mr. Rose.

What you're smelling is actually

our holiday-scented car ornaments.

They can be used in the
car, or on your tree.

Sold separately, of course.

Looks like you're down to your last

little saplings, Raymond.

Yes, so we're selling
these for a special price.

Ah, see, the Christmas
spirit is all around us.

Oh, I'm sorry, by special,

I meant higher price, because of demand.

Oh. Well, that's all right.

The tree's just a gesture.

We don't need anything... fancy.

Okay, well, these over
there are $100 per gesture,

or 2 gestures for $175.

Let's go. I've had enough
waking hours for one day.

Moira, can I uh, see you
in private, for a minute?

Please, take your time. Although uh,

keep in mind, with our
inventory dwindling,

we're surge-pricing right now.

- Ah.
- Hmm.

Oh.

Tell me this, sweetheart,

have I asked you for a lot this year?

It depends, are we talking emotionally?

You know, in the old
days, I stood by your side

no matter how you wanted
to spend the holidays.

Whether it was heading to Miami

for Puff Daddy's Poolside White Party,

or that uncomfortable tree
trimming at Arnold and Maria's.

How 'bout the night
you wore your fur coat

to the PETA Christmas Fundraiser?

I hear Peter Fundraiser.
Bogdanovich loved a mink.

Well, I'd love it if you
could just be a little more

on-board with all of this.

Okay, John, for you.

And Christmas.

Okay, thank you, Moira. Ray?

♪

How's it looking, Moira? Is it straight?

Oh, straight as an arrow.

Ah, good.

Oh, David, Stevie. That
tree's not straight.

Huh? I don't know, it's pretty straight.

Let's see what we got here.

Lights.

We're missing a lot of
bulbs, but, we'll make do.

What else?

What's this, a pumpkin?

Perhaps a Christmas gourd.

It's not a Christmas gourd, Moira.

I know, John, but you
requested I get on board.

That was me getting on board.

David, what's going on here?

This, this stuff is garbage.

Um, it's Stevie's
grandmother's decorations?

And by garbage, Stevie,
you know, I... I mean,

Oh, no, no, no. It's... it's bad.

- What's this?
- Those would be Mardi Gras beads.

Nanna Bud worked real hard for those.

So we're getting warmer.

This is all you could find,
David? You own a store!

Where... where are all the decorations

that you sell in your store?

Um... they're at the store, being sold.

I couldn't just bring everything home,

just because you wanted to
have a party at the last minute.

We're saving for stuff.

Oh, well that's very responsible.

- What are you saving for?
- An... espresso machine.

You're selling coffee now?

Hmm... it's more for the staff room.

I'm gonna just go get that wine.

It's for the staff room?

So you couldn't bring home
decorations for your family

on Christmas because you're saving money

for a coffee maker for yourself?

I believe he said espresso machine.

You're not helping, Moira.

What is everybody yelling about?

Well, we have a Christmas tree,

but no decorations because
your brother's a cheap-ass!

And right now we have the most
un-Christmassy looking room,

that'll soon be filled
with party guests...

Speaking of, how's the
guest list coming, Alexis?

I don't know, you tell me!

Why would I tell you?

You were in charge of the guest list!

Well, it's hard to be in
charge of the guest list,

if no one's given it to me yet.

Why would anybody give it to you?

You were in charge of making it!

Making it? I thought you
wanted me to handle it?

Like, work the door,

make sure nobody gets in
that isn't on the list!

It's Christmas Eve, Alexis!

Who's going out crashing other
people's Christmas parties?

- Ugh!
- Knock! Knock!

Any room left at the inn?

I hope you guys all like gingerbread.

Oh, you're too sweet.

Oh no, it was the least we can do,

just sorry that we couldn't stick
around for the party tonight.

- What's that?
- You didn't tell him?

- Oh, my god.
- Okay, I hate this!

I opened red, I hope
that's okay with everyone?

Alexis, I thought we
agreed that you and Ted

would be coming here tonight?

I know, but Ted's friends
are having a thing,

and everyone low-key hates me.

Uh, hate is a strong word.

Do you know what I think
might put this jolly trolley

back on track? The release of the tree.

Are you kidding me, Moira?

I don't see much point
in doing that now.

- No, release it.
- Yes.

And I'll put the Jerry
beads on the tree.

We're not putting Mardi Gras
beads on a Christmas tree, Alexis!

John, please, do the honors.

Yay.

W... I, for one, find it charming,

in sort of a... a war-torn sort of way.

If we rotate it?

Allow me.

I can do that. I'll just...

No, no, actually we don't wanna do that.

Looks like the other side has
been charred, or something.

Um, what if we cut it up
and turned it into garlands?

Why don't we just cut
it up for firewood?

No this, this was a really stupid idea,

a little Christmas party.

Something to temporarily
take our minds off things.

But clearly this was
too much for all of you.

And you're right, why
start making an effort now?

John?

I'm gonna take a walk.

It's meatloaf night at the cafe,

and if anything is screaming
Christmas to me right now,

it's meatloaf.

Okay... I didn't wanna say anything,

but meatloaf night was yesterday.

Dear God, I...

- Good night.
- Good night.

David? Alexis?

- Moira, have you seen the kids?
- Whose kids?

Our kids?

That ship sailed hours ago, dear.

Literally, Alexis and Stavros

are on his father's yacht by now.

Off to Capri.

Ah. And David?

Hm, David, last I heard he
was screaming at Wolfgang.

Apparently there weren't enough capers

- on the smoked salmon crudites.
- Ah.

I thought we could...
open presents tonight.

Oh don't worry, I already
gave them their checks.

- Quite something, isn't it?
- Hmm.

- All this?
- Yeah.

Moira, come stand here
with me for a minute.

John, you know I would,

but I've already taken
my Christmas pills,

and bitter experience has taught me

I have just 8 minutes to
make it safely up the stairs.

Mr. Rose?

Mr. Rose!

Can I take your plate?

Oh, yes, yes, Twyla,

and please, thank the
kitchen for the meatloaf.

I could've sworn it was Wednesdays.

- It's always been Tuesdays.
- Oh.

Is everything okay, Mr. Rose?

Why wouldn't it be, it's Christmas Eve?

And yet, here you are,
eating yesterday's meatloaf.

Hi, John.

Moira.

Twyla, thank you.

I hope he didn't keep you too late.

I'm sure you have somewhere to be.

Actually, I do, but you guys
take as long as you want.

- George will lock up.
- Merry Christmas, Twyla.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Rose.

Dinner is on us.

Well, this isn't right,
you sitting here alone.

Oh, I don't know, it
feels pretty familiar.

Yes, I guess we've established

a pretty grim tradition
these past few years.

Well, I'm not talking
about these past few years,

I was talking about the old days.

Do you even remember how those big,

lavish Christmas parties used to end?

I think that's the sign
of a successful soiree,

if you don't.

I'd find myself standing alone,

staring at the tree,

and all I'd want,

I just thought, in spite
of all the hardship that...

We found ourselves coming together,

the kids, you, and me, as a family.

And it just seemed like the
perfect day to celebrate that.

The perfect day for a Rose
Family Christmas Party.

John, I'm sorry.

On behalf of the children,

for myself, I'm sorry, John.

We didn't fully
understand why this party

was so important to you.

Well, doesn't matter now.

No, guess we should get a move on.

Ah, uh uh.

Oh, there's no booze in that!

Ew!

Ew!

Hm, the one nice thing about
living in this desolate,

lonely place, is it can,

at times, be quite peaceful.

Well, it wasn't too
peaceful this afternoon,

I'm sorry to say.

Oh, nah, it wouldn't be the holidays

without at least one good family fight.

No, but what was I thinking, Moira?

Springing this party idea on everyone

was a little last minute.

It appears there's been
a Christmas miracle, John.

Merry Christmas!

- Merry Christmas, John.
- Oh.

Oh, David!

Is this the same tree?

Uh, theoretically.

We have spent a very long
time gluing it back together.

Scary amount of super glue.

Seriously, nobody should
light a match in here.

- Mm hmm.
- And...

Everyone chipped in.

And there might have been a few
things leftover at the store.

So...

- Who wants bubbly?
- Merry Christmas, Mr. Rose.

Merry Christmas, Dad.

You know I hate to miss a good party.

See? I knew you could
handle a guest list.

And um, just a heads up,

Ted's vet friends are coming by later,

and I have a sneaking suspicion
they're a little bit...

But, hmm.

- Room looks good.
- Mm hmm.

You still thinking about that
espresso machine, aren't ya?

Yes. Yes, I am.

- One day.
- Mm hmm.

Hey, Johnny, Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Roland.

Little last minute, this
little party of yours, huh?

Well, it seems last minute
turned into last second.

Well, all I'm saying is, next time um,

I'd appreciate my invitation
about a week in advance, okay?

Well, if I have things my way,

we'll be making this
an annual tradition,

so you can save the date now.

No, that's way too far in advance,

I can't make that kinda commitment.

Okay, Roland.

Moira, it's so wonderful

- that you made this happen for Johnny.
- Yeah.

But, we were supposed to be caroling

at the senior's center 30 minutes ago.

Oh, Jocelyn, surely the
dentures have been dropped in

the glass by now.

Can't we spare one
carol here, before we go?

- Why not.
- Yes.

Twyla?

♪ Silent night

♪ Holy night

♪ All is calm

♪ All is bright

♪ Round yon virgin

♪ Mother and Child

♪ Holy Infant

♪ So tender and mild

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace

♪ Oh sleep

What, it's just nice.
Nothing's happening.

Looks like you're crying.

Oh well, I'm not.

It's just we're...

- We ran out of red!
- Oh.

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace

Anyone interested in
opening a gift tonight?

I thought you said we
weren't doing presents?

Well, you kids were so upset
about there being no presents,

The Church had a small
rummage sale this morning,

so I popped in.

Close your eyes, Moira.

Smaller, smaller, smaller.

A bomb?

- No, it's an antique tin.
- Oh.

- For your wig pins.
- Oh.

- Hmm.
- Ooh.

Little something for you, Alexis.

Stickers!

Of old men!

No, they're stamps,
from all over the world.

- David, I know you like money.
- Yes.

It's what looks like 1,000 Yen.

Yeah.

Hm. It's like being right back in Japan.

Okay, okay, let's just
smile and say thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, you know, reminds me,

I was worried about this menorah
being so close to the garland.

Last thing we want is to
have the motel burn down.

- Or is it?
- What?

-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --