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1
00:00:14,944 --> 00:00:16,874
Charles, my man. Miss me?
2
00:00:17,288 --> 00:00:19,485
Sure, everybody misses
their money manager.
3
00:00:19,628 --> 00:00:20,763
What's up, Bernie?
4
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,292
You wanted me to call when it happened.
5
00:00:22,420 --> 00:00:23,594
You're a millionaire.
6
00:00:29,624 --> 00:00:32,322
We're celebrating
this weekend big time.
7
00:00:32,426 --> 00:00:34,246
- Bring your girl.
- Uh, yeah, yeah.
8
00:00:34,393 --> 00:00:37,298
I'm... I'm right here
with her, actually.
9
00:00:37,346 --> 00:00:40,421
She's... we're rich, babe!
10
00:00:41,866 --> 00:00:43,242
She's really excited about it.
11
00:00:43,279 --> 00:00:45,512
Yeah, you're clearly lying,
but don't worry, bud.
12
00:00:45,549 --> 00:00:47,385
You can afford to fly someone in.
13
00:01:01,618 --> 00:01:04,421
Hey, Denise?
14
00:01:07,195 --> 00:01:09,695
I'm a gentleman, and that's
why there's no expectations
15
00:01:09,732 --> 00:01:11,068
for anything to happen this weekend.
16
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:12,671
I very much so respect you.
17
00:01:12,742 --> 00:01:15,267
Hey, we were just crazy kids
back in Morristown.
18
00:01:15,338 --> 00:01:17,579
But look at us now.
I'm studying acting at NYU.
19
00:01:17,616 --> 00:01:19,777
You've got your own media empire.
20
00:01:19,814 --> 00:01:21,891
We're like... like, full-on adults.
21
00:01:21,978 --> 00:01:24,598
Exactly, like, we don't need
to let our hormones
22
00:01:24,635 --> 00:01:26,632
rule every moment of our lives.
23
00:01:26,767 --> 00:01:29,987
No, I mean, we're, like, adults.
24
00:01:30,376 --> 00:01:33,641
So, you know,
we could have sex wherever,
25
00:01:33,678 --> 00:01:35,487
whenever we want.
26
00:01:36,583 --> 00:01:38,495
Like your car.
27
00:01:38,868 --> 00:01:40,581
- Right now.
- Is that...
28
00:01:40,718 --> 00:01:42,431
is that legal?
29
00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:50,373
Oh, this is good, this is good.
30
00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:52,275
Yeah, this works, this works.
31
00:01:52,352 --> 00:01:54,330
This is... oh, you're a freak.
32
00:01:56,322 --> 00:01:58,550
Oh, my God!
33
00:01:59,351 --> 00:02:00,968
It's so nice to finally meet you.
34
00:02:01,005 --> 00:02:03,319
Jim has told me
so much about you, Charles.
35
00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:06,234
Like, so much.
Like, more than is appropriate
36
00:02:06,271 --> 00:02:07,890
for a non-relative.
37
00:02:08,009 --> 00:02:09,722
What's that stupid-ass smile?
38
00:02:10,073 --> 00:02:12,306
He's just proud
that he has two black friends.
39
00:02:12,737 --> 00:02:14,626
I'm not going to lie,
it's pretty darn great.
40
00:02:14,777 --> 00:02:16,742
I mean, I may not be ready
for a barbershop,
41
00:02:16,779 --> 00:02:19,033
but no, I can definitely hang
at a cookout.
42
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,415
Yeah, what you going to bring?
43
00:02:20,775 --> 00:02:22,316
Uh, cornbread?
44
00:02:22,593 --> 00:02:23,960
- Ooh, that's...
- No?
45
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:26,071
That's bad, that's going to
get you thrown out the cookout.
46
00:02:26,107 --> 00:02:27,392
- Bring yourself.
- All right.
47
00:02:27,429 --> 00:02:29,313
- Don't bring anything.
- No, yeah.
48
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,342
Okay, I don't want to cut in
on your time here with Charles,
49
00:02:31,379 --> 00:02:33,171
but I just came from
visiting Matt in the hospital.
50
00:02:33,208 --> 00:02:34,449
He asked when you were coming by.
51
00:02:34,486 --> 00:02:37,018
Me? Uh, how about never?
52
00:02:37,248 --> 00:02:39,823
No, Gabby, he's in a cancer ward
53
00:02:39,980 --> 00:02:42,044
in a hospital in Central Florida.
54
00:02:42,081 --> 00:02:43,699
That's depression cubed, right there.
55
00:02:43,736 --> 00:02:44,880
Triple play.
56
00:02:44,899 --> 00:02:47,659
That is a Russian nesting doll
of abject misery.
57
00:02:47,754 --> 00:02:50,206
I thought new Jim
cared about his fellow man.
58
00:02:50,243 --> 00:02:53,002
If you must know, okay,
the last time I saw the guy,
59
00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:54,563
we almost got into a fist fight.
60
00:02:54,646 --> 00:02:56,904
Now, I know, I know,
it's insane to think
61
00:02:56,941 --> 00:02:59,360
that a bedridden hospital patient
62
00:02:59,397 --> 00:03:00,619
could beat me up, right?
63
00:03:00,656 --> 00:03:01,956
No, I mean, catheter attached,
64
00:03:01,993 --> 00:03:03,692
I would still give Matt
three-to-one odds.
65
00:03:04,175 --> 00:03:05,960
I saw you lose a drunken fight
66
00:03:05,997 --> 00:03:07,745
with a sober 14-year-old.
67
00:03:07,905 --> 00:03:11,030
- She beat the shit out of him.
- She was not that sober.
68
00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:13,306
Charles, we can do anything
you like on this trip.
69
00:03:13,343 --> 00:03:15,402
I've always kind of wanted
to go to GatorLand.
70
00:03:15,439 --> 00:03:16,622
- Fuck, no.
- Okay.
71
00:03:16,659 --> 00:03:19,660
Well, what about Weeki Wachee Springs?
72
00:03:19,718 --> 00:03:21,897
A live mermaid show?
Charles, that's basically
73
00:03:21,934 --> 00:03:23,678
dinner theatre without the dinner.
74
00:03:23,754 --> 00:03:26,608
It's an underwater strip show
aimed at families, come on.
75
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,737
Well, it has to have lasted
for 70 years for a reason.
76
00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:32,505
Yes, as a testimony
to the rich vein of stupidity
77
00:03:32,542 --> 00:03:34,593
that runs right through
the bedrock of this country.
78
00:03:34,630 --> 00:03:37,833
But all this sounds like
your idea of my idea of fun.
79
00:03:37,936 --> 00:03:41,696
- What do you want to do tonight?
- Well, if it were up to me,
80
00:03:41,942 --> 00:03:43,824
Lil' Diazepam, he's a Soundcloud rapper
81
00:03:43,861 --> 00:03:45,374
with a full-face tatt of Steve Jobs.
82
00:03:45,411 --> 00:03:46,631
He just got out on bail,
83
00:03:46,668 --> 00:03:48,286
so he's throwing a midnight rager
84
00:03:48,323 --> 00:03:51,333
in the second largest sinkhole
of East Orlando.
85
00:03:51,712 --> 00:03:54,158
Everything about your
generation terrifies me.
86
00:03:54,269 --> 00:03:55,371
Everything.
87
00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:57,657
Well, your generation
killed the planet.
88
00:03:57,832 --> 00:04:00,417
- And America.
- Touché.
89
00:04:00,471 --> 00:04:02,272
- Surprise!
- Shit!
90
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:03,401
Oh, my God.
91
00:04:03,438 --> 00:04:05,413
- Hey, hi.
- Hi.
92
00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:12,789
Jim, it's so great to meet you.
93
00:04:12,829 --> 00:04:14,189
Apologies about the last-minute visit.
94
00:04:14,225 --> 00:04:17,586
- I just missed him so much.
- I missed you so much.
95
00:04:18,864 --> 00:04:20,162
You know, in Amsterdam,
96
00:04:20,199 --> 00:04:22,650
you have to pay 10 Euros for this show.
97
00:04:22,869 --> 00:04:25,379
Can I ask how the heck
you got in here, darling?
98
00:04:25,416 --> 00:04:26,848
Oh, I sweet talked your super.
99
00:04:26,888 --> 00:04:28,453
Said I was your long-lost daughter,
100
00:04:28,499 --> 00:04:31,233
Ruby Lee, from Hot Springs.
Mama may have been a whore,
101
00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:33,100
but she done with me
the best she could.
102
00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:34,470
I was Alma in "Summer in Smoke"
103
00:04:34,507 --> 00:04:36,215
by Tennessee Williams at ETW this year.
104
00:04:36,252 --> 00:04:38,160
- She was amazing.
- Stop.
105
00:04:38,232 --> 00:04:39,954
I watch her performance
on YouTube all the time.
106
00:04:39,991 --> 00:04:41,332
Do you want to see it?
107
00:04:41,665 --> 00:04:43,257
Do I want to watch a taped performance
108
00:04:43,334 --> 00:04:46,594
of amateur theater on a laptop?
Not right now, no.
109
00:04:46,671 --> 00:04:49,823
We don't have time anyway
because I made dinner.
110
00:04:56,943 --> 00:04:58,796
Well, thank you
for breaking in and cooking.
111
00:04:58,833 --> 00:05:01,576
Denise, that was one
hell of a Bolognese.
112
00:05:01,613 --> 00:05:03,484
Oh, it was my Uncle Mike's recipe.
113
00:05:03,667 --> 00:05:07,118
Mike was a friend of
my parents, or, really my mom.
114
00:05:07,211 --> 00:05:08,785
He filled the gaps created
by my father's
115
00:05:08,822 --> 00:05:10,897
emotional unavailability.
116
00:05:11,138 --> 00:05:13,729
When I found the naked photos
of Mike and my mother,
117
00:05:13,991 --> 00:05:16,048
I was happy for her.
118
00:05:16,278 --> 00:05:18,174
Once I understood what they were.
119
00:05:18,282 --> 00:05:19,820
I was only eight.
120
00:05:20,974 --> 00:05:24,223
Okay, then. Um, well, to Mike.
121
00:05:33,129 --> 00:05:35,320
What does "check the pipes" mean?
122
00:05:35,357 --> 00:05:36,957
"Check the pipes" just means
"check the pipes."
123
00:05:36,993 --> 00:05:39,607
What in blue blazes
is going on in here?
124
00:05:39,644 --> 00:05:41,673
His whore ex-girlfriend is texting him
125
00:05:41,710 --> 00:05:42,996
about checking her pipes!
126
00:05:43,033 --> 00:05:44,801
Why don't you go
check them then, Charles?
127
00:05:44,838 --> 00:05:46,210
Well, I am going to have to do that,
128
00:05:46,247 --> 00:05:47,747
because technically, I'm her landlord,
129
00:05:47,784 --> 00:05:50,693
- so her pipes are my pipes.
- Your pipe is my pipe!
130
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:53,494
Your body made a promise.
I should have known better
131
00:05:53,513 --> 00:05:55,346
than to give my heart
to someone so easily,
132
00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:57,507
but my heart doesn't know...
oh, get off!
133
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,236
I take it you've had to do that before.
134
00:06:03,281 --> 00:06:05,001
Yeah, I call that maneuver...
135
00:06:05,037 --> 00:06:06,814
Charles! Charles!
136
00:06:06,926 --> 00:06:09,336
I-I call that maneuver the Casper.
137
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:11,529
Gotten me out of many a sticky wicket.
138
00:06:11,606 --> 00:06:15,447
I've used it on third world
pimps and Sandy Duncan.
139
00:06:15,535 --> 00:06:18,314
The key is to use a heavy
fabric to blunt the blade.
140
00:06:18,351 --> 00:06:21,685
Boy, learned that one from
Sandy Duncan the hard way.
141
00:06:21,932 --> 00:06:23,950
Charles, I love you!
142
00:06:24,216 --> 00:06:26,377
I'm going to break up
with her in the morning.
143
00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:29,024
- I'm sorry, Jim.
- Oh, no worries.
144
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,170
What do you think?
Maybe she tuckered herself out.
145
00:06:35,713 --> 00:06:37,447
- Don't look at me!
- Oh!
146
00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:39,298
Still going, still going.
147
00:06:47,411 --> 00:06:48,835
Charles?
148
00:06:51,998 --> 00:06:53,739
Thank you.
149
00:06:53,861 --> 00:06:55,928
Okay. Watch out.
150
00:06:56,837 --> 00:06:58,231
Hey.
151
00:06:59,025 --> 00:07:00,484
Good morning.
152
00:07:01,190 --> 00:07:03,449
Uh, apologies about last night.
153
00:07:03,486 --> 00:07:05,911
Charles and I were having
some communication issues.
154
00:07:05,948 --> 00:07:07,448
- But...
- Ho-ho.
155
00:07:07,570 --> 00:07:09,290
We fixed them. Right, babe?
156
00:07:09,422 --> 00:07:12,021
Yeah, I mean, I have nothing to hide,
157
00:07:12,060 --> 00:07:13,729
but how is she supposed to know that
158
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:15,636
if she can't see everything?
159
00:07:15,697 --> 00:07:17,697
So we changed all
my passwords to Denise's.
160
00:07:17,931 --> 00:07:21,184
Uh-huh. Still a little bit concerned
161
00:07:21,221 --> 00:07:23,129
about the whole knife thing, however.
162
00:07:23,166 --> 00:07:24,347
Don't worry, though.
163
00:07:24,384 --> 00:07:25,683
It's never going to happen again.
164
00:07:25,922 --> 00:07:28,273
Just a one-time only outburst, eh?
165
00:07:28,755 --> 00:07:30,942
No, we... we threw away all the knives.
166
00:07:31,338 --> 00:07:32,591
Seriously?
167
00:07:33,990 --> 00:07:35,252
Yeah.
168
00:07:39,464 --> 00:07:42,865
Hey, thanks for this.
Gayle is afraid of needles.
169
00:07:42,928 --> 00:07:45,144
So what are you going to do?
170
00:07:45,210 --> 00:07:46,385
About Charles? I don't know.
171
00:07:46,430 --> 00:07:48,430
I got to be very careful
what I say to him.
172
00:07:48,575 --> 00:07:51,426
I already lost a sister because
I was too honest with her.
173
00:07:51,614 --> 00:07:52,927
Yeah, maintaining friendships
174
00:07:52,964 --> 00:07:54,368
has always been a struggle for me.
175
00:07:54,412 --> 00:07:58,345
In my divorce from rye whiskey,
rye got most of our friends.
176
00:07:58,382 --> 00:07:59,782
Well, you're about
to lose another friend
177
00:07:59,801 --> 00:08:01,123
if you keep my ass
hanging out like this.
178
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,781
- Can you please just let me...
- I'm done.
179
00:08:02,925 --> 00:08:04,792
Great with needles, bad with people.
180
00:08:04,866 --> 00:08:05,923
Jesus.
181
00:08:05,982 --> 00:08:07,911
Sorry, it's just fertility stuff.
182
00:08:08,072 --> 00:08:09,765
Of course, I would rather be
in the ladies room
183
00:08:09,802 --> 00:08:12,536
with a female co-worker,
but I literally have none.
184
00:08:12,573 --> 00:08:14,166
It's fine. I'm a nurse.
185
00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:16,573
That was the smoothest
injection I have ever seen.
186
00:08:16,610 --> 00:08:19,126
Yeah, well, all thanks
to sweet lady ketamine.
187
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,868
Well, I mean, I never
actually lived in a K-hole
188
00:08:21,931 --> 00:08:24,697
in all my years of addiction,
but I did own a timeshare there
189
00:08:24,735 --> 00:08:26,542
for quite a while and boy, oh boy,
190
00:08:26,579 --> 00:08:28,000
were there ever a lot
of blackout dates.
191
00:08:29,969 --> 00:08:32,161
- How you doing, I'm...
- Jim Brockmire.
192
00:08:32,198 --> 00:08:34,164
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
193
00:08:34,592 --> 00:08:36,423
- Hi.
- The, uh, jacket
194
00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:38,457
and the ketamine soliloquy
gave it away.
195
00:08:38,494 --> 00:08:40,595
- Sure, they would.
- Yeah.
196
00:08:40,632 --> 00:08:42,314
- Which makes you Gabby.
- Hey.
197
00:08:42,351 --> 00:08:44,417
Hi, I'm Maggie Nickols.
198
00:08:44,465 --> 00:08:46,882
I'm Matt Hardesty's oncology RN.
199
00:08:46,974 --> 00:08:48,340
- Oh.
- Yeah.
200
00:08:48,377 --> 00:08:50,136
He's been trying to get me
into baseball,
201
00:08:50,173 --> 00:08:53,693
so he gave me some tickets
and promised me the VIP tour.
202
00:08:53,736 --> 00:08:57,163
I showed her the stack
of big nacho cheese bags.
203
00:08:57,263 --> 00:08:58,746
- Yep.
- Because food science
204
00:08:58,783 --> 00:09:00,449
has always been a hobby of mine.
205
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,787
Specifically non-perishable dairy.
206
00:09:02,851 --> 00:09:05,325
Like, did you know
that Hidden Valley Ranch
207
00:09:05,362 --> 00:09:08,539
was an actual working ranch
in Santa Barbara, California?
208
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:10,663
- Ah.
- I went there on my honeymoon.
209
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:13,125
There's nothing like the sweet aroma
210
00:09:13,203 --> 00:09:15,796
of sea spray and buttermilk.
211
00:09:16,153 --> 00:09:17,762
You done?
212
00:09:18,354 --> 00:09:20,180
- Yeah.
- Great. Sorry.
213
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:22,685
Well, gee, you're not
into baseball, shame.
214
00:09:23,151 --> 00:09:24,534
What kind of things do you like?
215
00:09:24,571 --> 00:09:28,331
Hmm, mystery novels, my dogs, musicals.
216
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:30,153
I was obsessed with "Bye Bye Birdie"
217
00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:31,428
when I was a kid.
218
00:09:31,465 --> 00:09:34,466
Well, maybe I was just
obsessed with Ann-Margret.
219
00:09:34,526 --> 00:09:37,377
I actually dressed up as her
one time for Halloween.
220
00:09:37,897 --> 00:09:39,479
- You got any pictures of that?
- Oh, yeah.
221
00:09:39,516 --> 00:09:41,814
Because I would love... ow, shit.
222
00:09:41,966 --> 00:09:44,967
Sorry, little behavioral
modification system
223
00:09:45,166 --> 00:09:48,746
that Gabby and I have where
she snaps this band hard
224
00:09:48,823 --> 00:09:50,252
when I say something that I shouldn't.
225
00:09:50,349 --> 00:09:52,574
Yeah, we might have
to upgrade to a push pin.
226
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,726
What I meant to say
was I would love to pay
227
00:09:54,763 --> 00:09:56,063
for the pleasure of your company...
228
00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:57,674
no, ow, okay. With dinner, I meant.
229
00:09:57,757 --> 00:10:00,240
It's okay. I would love to get dinner.
230
00:10:00,307 --> 00:10:01,714
- Great.
- I can't tonight,
231
00:10:01,751 --> 00:10:03,631
but next time you visit Matt,
just stick around,
232
00:10:03,668 --> 00:10:04,859
and we'll figure something out.
233
00:10:04,914 --> 00:10:06,434
I'm kind of surprised
I haven't seen you there
234
00:10:06,470 --> 00:10:08,300
the other times that I visited before.
235
00:10:08,417 --> 00:10:11,018
I've been there pretty much every day.
236
00:10:11,098 --> 00:10:13,381
Oh, well, shouldn't have lied.
237
00:10:17,303 --> 00:10:19,266
Charles, what the hell is this?
238
00:10:19,447 --> 00:10:21,787
Well, you told me to pick
out a card for Matt that says
239
00:10:21,824 --> 00:10:23,327
"I acknowledge that we're enemies,
240
00:10:23,397 --> 00:10:26,203
but I am sad
that death comes to us all."
241
00:10:26,343 --> 00:10:28,527
Yeah, but I'm not sure that Garfield
242
00:10:28,564 --> 00:10:30,826
can shoulder that emotional weight.
243
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,958
- Holy shit, look at that.
- Nermal really sells it.
244
00:10:33,995 --> 00:10:36,505
He does. What do you got there?
245
00:10:36,616 --> 00:10:39,001
Oh, it's a teddy bear for Denise.
246
00:10:39,104 --> 00:10:41,299
I like to keep a few
big gestures in the holster
247
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:42,845
just in case I screw something up.
248
00:10:42,882 --> 00:10:45,369
Right, boy, good to be prepared
249
00:10:45,406 --> 00:10:48,026
because she's very passionate,
isn't she?
250
00:10:48,121 --> 00:10:51,189
Yeah, that's why the sex is insane.
251
00:10:51,478 --> 00:10:54,796
Oh, yeah? What are you guys into?
252
00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:57,453
BDSM, DDLG role play?
253
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,466
Electro stim? Lucying?
254
00:10:59,708 --> 00:11:01,666
We 69.
255
00:11:02,613 --> 00:11:04,121
And then what?
256
00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:06,864
That's it.
257
00:11:06,988 --> 00:11:10,169
You can't improve upon
the perfect sexual position.
258
00:11:10,249 --> 00:11:13,697
Charles, 69 is objectively
the worst sexual position.
259
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,971
It's nothing but a mouthful of
pubes and nose-full of asshole.
260
00:11:17,128 --> 00:11:20,562
Charles, I have a tattoo of
two lizard 69-ing on my chest
261
00:11:20,581 --> 00:11:21,914
because I asked the artist
262
00:11:21,991 --> 00:11:24,144
for the worst possible
thing imaginable.
263
00:11:24,215 --> 00:11:26,975
You're missing
the crucial element, though.
264
00:11:27,238 --> 00:11:29,491
We do it in public.
265
00:11:30,416 --> 00:11:32,475
We've done it
in nine bathrooms already,
266
00:11:32,539 --> 00:11:34,489
and we've only been dating
for two months.
267
00:11:34,798 --> 00:11:36,354
How does that even work?
What, do you, like,
268
00:11:36,541 --> 00:11:38,644
hold her upside down in a stall?
269
00:11:38,917 --> 00:11:40,757
No, I don't have
the arm strength for that.
270
00:11:40,794 --> 00:11:42,217
We just lie down on the floor.
271
00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:45,811
You 69 on the floor
of public restrooms?
272
00:11:45,848 --> 00:11:48,314
Charles, Bukowski would be ashamed
273
00:11:48,351 --> 00:11:49,667
to write that shit down.
274
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:51,677
You're probably going to
laugh at me for saying this,
275
00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:52,866
but, like...
276
00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:54,772
it kind of feels like we're soul mates.
277
00:11:56,031 --> 00:11:57,277
How else do you explain
278
00:11:57,341 --> 00:12:00,360
that whenever we 69,
we always cum at the same time?
279
00:12:01,107 --> 00:12:04,215
Um, that she's lying
straight into your dick.
280
00:12:04,310 --> 00:12:08,041
Mm-mm, there are no lies in a 69, Jim.
281
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,140
Your bodies form a circle of truth.
282
00:12:10,177 --> 00:12:13,057
I got to beg you to stop
saying "69," please.
283
00:12:13,134 --> 00:12:14,555
Hey, we'll take these,
284
00:12:14,592 --> 00:12:17,008
and can I also get five dozen roses?
285
00:12:17,230 --> 00:12:19,272
Plus nine more.
286
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,900
Oh, you son of a bitch.
287
00:12:24,915 --> 00:12:26,214
Hey.
288
00:12:27,755 --> 00:12:29,588
Well, you look, um...
289
00:12:30,076 --> 00:12:31,476
like dogshit.
290
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,053
I wish.
291
00:12:34,242 --> 00:12:35,557
Well, come on in.
292
00:12:36,203 --> 00:12:38,763
All right. Where's Maggie?
293
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,025
I didn't... I didn't see her anywhere.
294
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:44,330
Oh, her shift doesn't start
until after visiting hours.
295
00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:45,967
I asked you to come in because
296
00:12:46,004 --> 00:12:50,534
I wanted to apologize for my behavior.
297
00:12:52,318 --> 00:12:55,519
Are you wearing brass knuckles?
298
00:12:56,068 --> 00:12:57,751
Ah, shit, I forgot I had these on.
299
00:12:57,884 --> 00:12:59,459
Yeah, well, you know, you're always
300
00:12:59,496 --> 00:13:00,921
so damn angry at me all the time,
301
00:13:00,940 --> 00:13:02,980
I figured better safe than
sorry, you know what I mean?
302
00:13:03,017 --> 00:13:06,185
But apparently, no,
I misread your intentions.
303
00:13:07,723 --> 00:13:11,740
Just don't... seriously,
don't make me laugh, Brockmire.
304
00:13:12,010 --> 00:13:14,768
It... it hurts. Listen.
305
00:13:14,948 --> 00:13:18,342
When I got sick, I was angry.
306
00:13:19,289 --> 00:13:20,750
Plus, you were always an asshole,
307
00:13:20,826 --> 00:13:23,310
so I figured it was okay
to be an asshole to you.
308
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:26,343
Well, sure, yeah, no.
Game recognize game.
309
00:13:26,989 --> 00:13:29,935
Man, I banged on you like a drum, so...
310
00:13:30,789 --> 00:13:33,723
I'm sorry, Jim.
311
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:35,526
Please.
312
00:13:35,642 --> 00:13:37,222
You know, being...
313
00:13:38,141 --> 00:13:39,844
trapped in this bed,
314
00:13:39,881 --> 00:13:41,164
it's like I'm...
315
00:13:42,411 --> 00:13:45,263
held hostage by regrets.
316
00:13:45,542 --> 00:13:48,111
I'm realizing, even before I got sick,
317
00:13:48,148 --> 00:13:50,131
I made everybody around me suffer.
318
00:13:50,231 --> 00:13:53,847
And now, I'm just all alone.
319
00:13:54,814 --> 00:13:57,667
Okay, but, just...
as far as you and I go,
320
00:13:57,704 --> 00:14:00,692
just... just the apology?
Is... is that it?
321
00:14:02,451 --> 00:14:04,859
- Yeah, that's it.
- All right.
322
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:06,678
Well, accepted.
323
00:14:07,208 --> 00:14:10,281
And uh, I got you this,
so I'm just going to...
324
00:14:10,621 --> 00:14:13,288
probably feel like every day
is Monday long about now, huh?
325
00:14:13,421 --> 00:14:14,811
Garfield understands.
326
00:14:16,421 --> 00:14:17,699
Jim, you don't have to go.
327
00:14:17,741 --> 00:14:19,425
Make sure you read
the inside of that thing
328
00:14:19,462 --> 00:14:21,402
because it really...
it ties it all together.
329
00:14:21,724 --> 00:14:23,555
I spent my whole life
330
00:14:24,278 --> 00:14:26,094
surrounded by crowds.
331
00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:28,596
Now, I'm by myself.
332
00:14:30,110 --> 00:14:32,387
And I'm staring over the edge.
333
00:14:35,148 --> 00:14:38,031
And I don't understand
what I'm looking at.
334
00:14:42,783 --> 00:14:46,178
I got house guests,
so I got to take a rain check.
335
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:48,321
Okay, my man?
336
00:14:51,355 --> 00:14:53,035
You're my main man.
337
00:15:00,981 --> 00:15:02,955
Hey.
338
00:15:03,060 --> 00:15:04,351
Hey.
339
00:15:04,481 --> 00:15:06,240
Where's Denise?
340
00:15:06,328 --> 00:15:08,100
We had to freshen up after our tryst
341
00:15:08,137 --> 00:15:10,754
- on the Popeye's bathroom floor.
- Ugh.
342
00:15:10,853 --> 00:15:12,105
How'd everything go with Matt?
343
00:15:12,142 --> 00:15:14,291
Terrible. He cried, Charles.
344
00:15:14,328 --> 00:15:16,012
It was like watching Lincoln cry.
345
00:15:16,109 --> 00:15:19,535
The misery of a nation
poured from those eyes.
346
00:15:20,342 --> 00:15:22,154
Well, I have big news.
347
00:15:22,316 --> 00:15:24,755
I'm going to be moving
to New York to be with Denise.
348
00:15:24,848 --> 00:15:26,514
Oh, boy.
349
00:15:26,650 --> 00:15:29,335
Charles, are you certain
that that's the best idea?
350
00:15:29,487 --> 00:15:31,537
- I knew it.
- Oh, shit!
351
00:15:31,667 --> 00:15:33,411
You are trying to break us up.
352
00:15:33,448 --> 00:15:35,161
I forgot about your whittling knife.
353
00:15:35,198 --> 00:15:36,510
How are you everywhere?
354
00:15:36,547 --> 00:15:38,355
Stop trying to constrain our love.
355
00:15:38,527 --> 00:15:41,348
Denise, uh, um, baby,
let's try and be careful...
356
00:15:41,403 --> 00:15:42,923
All right, Charles,
please, please, please.
357
00:15:42,959 --> 00:15:45,856
She's only using that weapon to
try to hijack the conversation.
358
00:15:45,938 --> 00:15:47,032
Right, Denise?
359
00:15:47,069 --> 00:15:49,044
She has absolutely no intention...
360
00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:50,414
Ow, Mommy!
361
00:15:52,261 --> 00:15:55,435
Oh, my God! What, why?
362
00:15:58,282 --> 00:15:59,807
- Oh, God!
- Oh, my God!
363
00:16:00,646 --> 00:16:02,804
- Okay, okay.
- Oh!
364
00:16:03,175 --> 00:16:04,867
- First aid kit, first aid kid.
- Oh, my God.
365
00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:07,176
- First aid kit.
- I... I...
366
00:16:07,555 --> 00:16:09,120
Ow, oh.
367
00:16:09,424 --> 00:16:10,860
Oh, man, Denise.
368
00:16:10,965 --> 00:16:12,485
- You have a...
- Denise...
369
00:16:12,522 --> 00:16:14,307
Denise.
370
00:16:14,427 --> 00:16:15,715
- Denise.
- Yeah, I...
371
00:16:15,752 --> 00:16:16,818
- Denise!
- Yeah.
372
00:16:16,855 --> 00:16:18,170
Sit down.
373
00:16:18,393 --> 00:16:19,742
Um...
374
00:16:21,475 --> 00:16:24,470
Denise, what is going on with you?
375
00:16:24,626 --> 00:16:25,986
I...
376
00:16:27,168 --> 00:16:30,094
I thought I'd discover a home at NYU.
377
00:16:30,131 --> 00:16:32,460
People that understood me.
378
00:16:33,319 --> 00:16:35,292
But then you find out
the boys have a pool going
379
00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:37,031
to see which one of them
can fuck you first.
380
00:16:37,068 --> 00:16:38,892
- Mm-hmm.
- And it's fine.
381
00:16:38,989 --> 00:16:42,258
I can handle it.
You make them respect you.
382
00:16:42,473 --> 00:16:44,214
But then somebody decent comes along,
383
00:16:44,251 --> 00:16:47,320
and... and the next thing
you know, it's true love.
384
00:16:47,479 --> 00:16:50,366
Mm, well, that's very nice, Denise.
385
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:51,735
What is that from?
386
00:16:51,772 --> 00:16:53,538
Kenneth Lonergan's "Lobby Hero."
387
00:16:53,659 --> 00:16:54,979
It's such a powerful play
in these times
388
00:16:55,016 --> 00:16:56,320
of confident certainty.
389
00:16:56,655 --> 00:16:59,143
Well, no notes, honey.
You were very present.
390
00:16:59,248 --> 00:17:00,524
- Thank you.
- Um...
391
00:17:00,595 --> 00:17:03,137
what is your motivation though, Denise?
392
00:17:03,332 --> 00:17:04,590
He's the only decent person
393
00:17:04,627 --> 00:17:06,386
who's ever wanted
to spend any time with me.
394
00:17:06,714 --> 00:17:08,468
Oh, well, ditto. But, you know,
395
00:17:08,505 --> 00:17:10,264
you're going to lose him, darling,
396
00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:13,125
if every waking moment is this intense.
397
00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:14,961
But that's what being young
and in love is.
398
00:17:14,998 --> 00:17:17,343
It's intense and messy and beautiful,
399
00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:19,713
and we are completely
vulnerable with each other.
400
00:17:19,816 --> 00:17:22,107
Someone as cynical
and closed off as you
401
00:17:22,144 --> 00:17:23,428
wouldn't understand that.
402
00:17:23,554 --> 00:17:26,482
Well, actually, I got
a face-full of vulnerability
403
00:17:26,519 --> 00:17:29,045
from a cancer patient
about an hour ago.
404
00:17:29,375 --> 00:17:31,490
Of course, I turned tail
and ran out of there
405
00:17:31,527 --> 00:17:33,384
about as fast as I could, but...
406
00:17:33,421 --> 00:17:34,647
Wow.
407
00:17:34,796 --> 00:17:36,864
I may have stabbed you,
but I think we both know
408
00:17:36,901 --> 00:17:38,457
who committed the real crime tonight.
409
00:17:38,534 --> 00:17:40,590
Yes, you, Denise. Felony assault.
410
00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:44,128
At most, what I did was
an emotional misdemeanor.
411
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,617
How exactly did this happen?
412
00:17:48,913 --> 00:17:50,896
It was young love
and a whittling knife,
413
00:17:50,933 --> 00:17:52,900
and I got caught in the cross-stab.
414
00:17:52,937 --> 00:17:54,911
Nice grift, by the way.
415
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:56,725
Getting me to come here to ask you out
416
00:17:56,762 --> 00:17:57,979
so I'd have to talk to Matt.
417
00:17:58,016 --> 00:18:00,166
Mm, I don't feel bad about it at all.
418
00:18:00,314 --> 00:18:02,481
Hey, no, you shouldn't. Shame on me.
419
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,486
I had to be conned and stabbed
420
00:18:04,523 --> 00:18:06,825
into becoming a decent human being.
421
00:18:07,313 --> 00:18:09,780
Is it... are we good? Can I head on in?
422
00:18:09,817 --> 00:18:12,256
Yeah, go ahead. I'll break the rules.
423
00:18:12,407 --> 00:18:13,728
He's up.
424
00:18:13,847 --> 00:18:16,176
So are you going to ask me out or what?
425
00:18:17,393 --> 00:18:18,695
Yep.
426
00:18:22,292 --> 00:18:24,662
The Popeye's bathroom floor?
427
00:18:24,699 --> 00:18:26,129
And he was bragging about it
428
00:18:26,166 --> 00:18:28,425
like he was King Dick
of Pussy Mountain.
429
00:18:28,673 --> 00:18:31,024
69'ing is just weird, you know?
430
00:18:31,102 --> 00:18:33,422
I mean, take turns.
431
00:18:33,628 --> 00:18:35,860
Focus on the task at hand.
432
00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:39,575
My mechanic is not going to fix
my car any better
433
00:18:39,612 --> 00:18:41,589
if I'm sucking his dick.
434
00:18:41,651 --> 00:18:44,154
- Right?
- Well, yeah.
435
00:18:44,858 --> 00:18:48,148
Well, we've survived
our share of wild women.
436
00:18:48,185 --> 00:18:49,669
Your friend will too.
437
00:18:49,782 --> 00:18:51,291
Yeah, but he's not like us, man.
438
00:18:51,328 --> 00:18:53,172
He's a giver, not a taker.
439
00:18:53,209 --> 00:18:55,240
He's going to spend years
trying to fill
440
00:18:55,277 --> 00:18:58,942
her bottomless pit of need,
and it's all my fault, man.
441
00:18:59,114 --> 00:19:00,872
No, his mother taught him
442
00:19:00,909 --> 00:19:03,506
that loving somebody
means trying to fix them.
443
00:19:03,785 --> 00:19:05,834
Instead of helping him
break that pattern,
444
00:19:05,871 --> 00:19:08,655
I just hammered it in.
I made it more permanent.
445
00:19:08,795 --> 00:19:11,860
She's a volatile monologist, all right?
446
00:19:11,897 --> 00:19:15,595
Basically, he found a female
version of me to have sex with.
447
00:19:16,809 --> 00:19:18,769
God damn it,
the whole reason I got sober
448
00:19:18,806 --> 00:19:21,142
was to try to stop hurting...
449
00:19:24,783 --> 00:19:26,141
It's just...
450
00:19:26,955 --> 00:19:28,955
he's like a son to me, you know?
451
00:19:30,050 --> 00:19:31,408
I'm sorry, it's just...
452
00:19:31,941 --> 00:19:34,930
I guess we're even now.
We've both seen each other cry.
453
00:19:35,756 --> 00:19:37,466
Well, technically,
I already saw you cry
454
00:19:37,503 --> 00:19:39,392
at that broadcaster's dinner, so...
455
00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:42,282
- Oh, yeah.
- But fortunately,
456
00:19:42,319 --> 00:19:44,169
the stage four lymphoma will give me
457
00:19:44,206 --> 00:19:46,374
plenty of opportunities
to play catch-up.
458
00:19:48,202 --> 00:19:50,127
Well, I got to
say something to Charles, man.
459
00:19:50,184 --> 00:19:53,097
Even if it means he ends up
hating me forever.
460
00:19:53,950 --> 00:19:56,079
Back in my playing days,
461
00:19:56,856 --> 00:19:59,419
I'd come home from a
road trip and uh...
462
00:19:59,456 --> 00:20:01,915
I'd put on my dad hat.
463
00:20:02,109 --> 00:20:04,878
Try to parent my girls real hard.
464
00:20:05,660 --> 00:20:07,290
It never worked.
465
00:20:07,909 --> 00:20:11,562
They got pissed off, resented me,
466
00:20:11,671 --> 00:20:13,563
and did the exact opposite.
467
00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:17,802
My advice: Only give your opinion once.
468
00:20:18,305 --> 00:20:21,181
And only if he asks for it.
469
00:20:24,699 --> 00:20:26,137
Denise sends her apologies.
470
00:20:26,174 --> 00:20:28,443
She had to rush up to New York
to work on her alibi.
471
00:20:29,568 --> 00:20:33,570
You're unusually un-opinionated today.
472
00:20:34,172 --> 00:20:35,609
You sure there's nothing
you want to say?
473
00:20:35,646 --> 00:20:38,859
No, no, Charles, I'm just...
I'm so happy that you're happy.
474
00:20:39,769 --> 00:20:41,460
Denise did stab you,
475
00:20:41,588 --> 00:20:43,588
so you have 30 seconds
to say your piece.
476
00:20:43,696 --> 00:20:45,013
Charles, your natural tendency
477
00:20:45,050 --> 00:20:46,914
is to fill in the holes
in other people's lives.
478
00:20:47,014 --> 00:20:48,508
Your mother and I are good examples.
479
00:20:48,545 --> 00:20:50,426
You define your self-worth by the abuse
480
00:20:50,463 --> 00:20:52,129
heaped upon you by those around you.
481
00:20:52,166 --> 00:20:53,986
But you're so great
in so many other ways.
482
00:20:54,023 --> 00:20:55,404
I'd hate to see you repeat these same
483
00:20:55,441 --> 00:20:57,771
self-destructive patterns
that I helped put in place.
484
00:20:57,808 --> 00:20:59,715
I want to see you grow
into the kind of adult
485
00:20:59,752 --> 00:21:01,810
that anybody, myself included,
would look up to.
486
00:21:01,921 --> 00:21:03,478
You're an absolute treasure, Charles,
487
00:21:03,515 --> 00:21:05,085
and you deserve the absolute best.
488
00:21:05,122 --> 00:21:06,455
- Five seconds.
- I love and respect you
489
00:21:06,492 --> 00:21:08,020
no matter what, but pre-nup, pre-nup,
490
00:21:08,057 --> 00:21:10,300
- pre-nup, oh, God, pre-nup.
- Time.
491
00:21:10,952 --> 00:21:12,763
And I love you, Charles.
492
00:21:13,656 --> 00:21:15,128
I love you, too.
493
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:18,905
You know the first thing
I'm going to do
494
00:21:18,942 --> 00:21:20,520
when I get to the Big Apple?
495
00:21:21,162 --> 00:21:24,353
69 on the bathroom floor
of the Staten Island ferry.
496
00:21:24,718 --> 00:21:27,001
Just had to ruin
the nice moment, didn't you?
497
00:21:28,526 --> 00:21:29,841
Little shit.
498
00:21:31,341 --> 00:21:33,157
You're a little shit!
499
00:21:33,620 --> 00:21:36,485
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