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.
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00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:06,484
- And of course the swastikas
3
00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:08,486
that were on
the latest newsletter
4
00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:10,314
were supposed
to have been octopuses.
5
00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:13,578
I am a very bad artist,
and I apologize to any student
6
00:00:13,622 --> 00:00:15,058
I may have offended.
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And--and finally,
our sinks are not urinals,
8
00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:20,150
and our urinals
are not sinks.
9
00:00:20,194 --> 00:00:22,065
And that's the last time
I'm gonna say that.
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00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:27,201
So, uh, our speaker today
taught at Harvard
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00:00:27,244 --> 00:00:31,161
and very soon hopefully
will be doing a TED Talk.
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00:00:31,205 --> 00:00:34,164
So we are all very lucky
to be the audience
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00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:35,774
for his audition tape.
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00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:37,907
Please welcome Jack Griffin.
15
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[applause]
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- Shake.
17
00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:42,912
Thank you, Ralph.
18
00:00:42,955 --> 00:00:44,870
Uh, yes, you are all
very lucky to be here, okay?
19
00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:46,611
If I get this TED Talk gig,
20
00:00:46,655 --> 00:00:49,136
it could catapult my upcoming
book to the best-seller list.
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00:00:49,179 --> 00:00:52,182
Okay, so, congratulations.
You knew me when.
22
00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:53,357
[chuckles]
23
00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:55,881
All right, roll cameras.
24
00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:58,667
[orchestral music]
25
00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:02,062
Hi, everybody. Hi.
Oh, stop. Please. Thank you.
26
00:01:02,105 --> 00:01:05,369
Um, so my name is
Dr. Jack Griffin
27
00:01:05,413 --> 00:01:08,329
and this is
my presentation entitled,
28
00:01:08,372 --> 00:01:12,072
"The Pursuit of Happiness
Through Societal Regression."
29
00:01:12,115 --> 00:01:15,075
Now people often ask me,
Doctor--
30
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:16,206
[thud]
Whoops.
31
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:18,774
[crowd laughs]
32
00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:22,038
So, uh, uh,
people will often ask me,
33
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,083
you know, Doctor--
34
00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:24,562
whoopsie.
[thud]
35
00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:25,650
[crowd groans]
36
00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:26,738
- [groaning]
37
00:01:26,782 --> 00:01:28,262
- Oh, my God, Jack! Jack!
38
00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:29,785
- Oh, my God--[groans]
- You okay?
39
00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:31,569
- Ralph, Ralph, you gotta
get me out of here, man.
40
00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:33,310
I'm really hurt.
- Okay, okay, okay.
41
00:01:33,354 --> 00:01:35,747
Madison.
Madison, come here.
42
00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,227
- Oh, God! Oh, Ralph!
43
00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:38,228
[groaning]
- Okay, we got him.
44
00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:39,664
We got you, it's okay.
45
00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:40,665
Here we go.
46
00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:42,493
- Oh, God, Ralph,
I'm really hurt.
47
00:01:42,537 --> 00:01:44,234
- Ooh, gosh.
- God, I'm really hurt.
48
00:01:44,278 --> 00:01:46,410
[panting]
Oh, I'm really hurt.
49
00:01:46,454 --> 00:01:49,674
Ow, oh, oh, oh!
[groaning]
50
00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:51,633
- It's okay.
- Oh, God. Ralph.
51
00:01:51,676 --> 00:01:53,591
Oh, God. Hold my thigh.
It's my thigh.
52
00:01:53,635 --> 00:01:55,550
Oh, God. Oh!
I really cranked it, Ralph.
53
00:01:55,593 --> 00:01:57,334
No, no, no, don't touch it!
I cranked my thigh, Ralph!
54
00:01:57,378 --> 00:01:59,119
- I'm just trying to help.
55
00:01:59,162 --> 00:02:01,077
- Oh, but everything you're
doing is making it worse.
56
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,035
Oh, I think there's, like,
a loose bone or something
57
00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:05,168
and my butt is--is--oh, God,
I think I smashed my butt.
58
00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:08,040
Oh, my smashed butt.
Oh, my smashed butt.
59
00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:10,042
Ohh, it's so smashed!
60
00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:12,915
- ♪ Next time,
I'll listen to my heart ♪
61
00:02:12,958 --> 00:02:15,961
♪ Next time,
well, I'll be smart ♪
62
00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:22,968
♪
63
00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:24,622
[indistinct chatter]
64
00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:26,885
- Oh, my God,
dude was like, "Whoa!"
65
00:02:26,929 --> 00:02:29,453
[laughter]
66
00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:32,848
[indistinct talking, giggling]
67
00:02:32,891 --> 00:02:34,241
- "I'm wearing a suit."
68
00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:37,026
- Whoopsie,
whoopsie, whoopsie.
69
00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:38,332
Happy Monday, ladies.
70
00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:40,899
- Jack, you're on WorldStar.
71
00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:42,597
- What is WorldStar?
72
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,294
Are you guys watching
a video of me falling?
73
00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:45,991
- Mm-hmm.
- That's not funny.
74
00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:49,212
- It's pretty funny, especially
'cause you go, "Doctor whoops."
75
00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:50,866
both: Doctor Whoopsie!
76
00:02:50,909 --> 00:02:52,302
[laughing]
77
00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:54,565
- Like, who actually says
whoopsie when they fall?
78
00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:55,740
- Right?
79
00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:58,178
- Good morning,
Mary, Stef, Michelle,
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00:02:58,221 --> 00:02:59,918
Dr. Whoopsie.
81
00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:02,182
[laughing]
- Hey!
82
00:03:02,225 --> 00:03:03,661
- Yeah.
83
00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:05,794
- Are you okay?
- Well, finally somebody asks.
84
00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:07,317
- Actually,
I'm--I'm doing okay.
85
00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:09,232
Yeah, a little sore
but nothing's broken.
86
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:11,016
- That's good.
- Yeah.
87
00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:13,367
- I thought you were going to
have that smashed butt surgery.
88
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:14,716
- [laughs] Yeah.
89
00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,370
- Did you guys hear
the Smashed Butt remix?
90
00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:18,067
[imitating remix]
91
00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:21,026
- ♪ Ow it's so smashed,
ow my smashed butt ♪
92
00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:23,681
- Everyone, terrible news.
93
00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:25,509
The Daddy's back.
94
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:27,337
- I'm sorry, what? The Daddy?
- The Sugar Daddy.
95
00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:30,166
Jack, this is Whitlock's
greatest mystery.
96
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,603
- Every few months, hundreds
of Sugar Daddy wrappers
97
00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:34,866
mysteriously appear
around the school.
98
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:36,781
This is the work
of a real sick puppy.
99
00:03:36,825 --> 00:03:39,219
- Perhaps he's not some
elusive boogeyman
100
00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:41,656
as much as
the 700 Garbage Pail Kids
101
00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:43,353
who roam these halls every day.
102
00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:45,573
You know, just a thought.
103
00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:47,357
- You guys, he's not wrong.
104
00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:49,881
- But the Sugar Daddy,
uh, he's a serial litterer.
105
00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:52,362
He's malicious,
he's psychotic.
106
00:03:52,406 --> 00:03:54,059
- I bet he doesn't even
eat the Sugar Daddies.
107
00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:56,497
My theory is based on the fact
that no one ever has.
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00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,194
- That can't be true.
I mean--
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00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,457
- I'm with Lynette. I mean,
those things are gross.
110
00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:02,590
I'm a--I'm a big
lollipop guy myself
111
00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:05,375
but I--[clears throat]
have to eat them at home
112
00:04:05,419 --> 00:04:07,247
because people think
I'm a little boy
113
00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:08,683
and I can't get
into restaurants.
114
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:10,075
- Ohh.
115
00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:12,382
- Well, all I know
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00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:15,080
is that I'm determined
to catch this son of a bitch.
117
00:04:15,124 --> 00:04:16,299
- Well, we'll help you.
118
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:17,779
I always know the killer
119
00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:19,389
the first four minutes
of "Law and Order."
120
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:21,522
- Yup, it's never
the second guy they talk to.
121
00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:23,263
It's sometimes the first.
122
00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:24,394
- Mm-hmm.
- Huh!
123
00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:25,830
- Ooh and if there's
a stepfather,
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00:04:25,874 --> 00:04:27,136
you know his ass did it.
125
00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:29,269
all: Mm-hmm.
126
00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:34,012
[harmonizing]
♪ Mm-hmm
127
00:04:38,974 --> 00:04:40,323
- Whoopsie.
128
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,760
[scattered laughter]
129
00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:44,240
- Marcus,
I know where you live.
130
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,981
- I retract my whoopsie.
131
00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:48,505
- Yeah.
132
00:04:48,549 --> 00:04:50,768
So I imagine you guys
have all seen this, uh,
133
00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,727
video of me
that's been going around.
134
00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:53,989
- Which version?
135
00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:55,730
My favorite is when
you fall off the stage
136
00:04:55,773 --> 00:04:57,993
into a shark's mouth.
[laughter]
137
00:04:58,036 --> 00:05:00,387
- Oh, and then they cut
to a guy on Maury Povich
138
00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:02,214
doing an
"I'm not the father" dance.
139
00:05:02,258 --> 00:05:05,261
[scattered laughter]
- Yeah, fun.
140
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,828
So this is our mission
for today.
141
00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:09,265
We need to delete that video.
Now how do we do that?
142
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,832
- Brother, you don't.
143
00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:12,442
- It's like when you're
standing on a rooftop
144
00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:14,139
and you shake all
the feathers out of a pillow
145
00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:15,532
and then the next day you say,
146
00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:17,534
"I want to get all
those feathers back."
147
00:05:17,578 --> 00:05:19,319
- Did you just quote
the movie "Doubt"?
148
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:21,408
- I just realized
something wonderful.
149
00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:23,192
Whenever anyone looks up
"Jack Griffin,"
150
00:05:23,235 --> 00:05:26,064
the first thing that's going to
come up is Doctor Whoopsie.
151
00:05:26,108 --> 00:05:27,588
- Well, that's not good.
152
00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:29,372
I'm trying to become
the most famous philosopher
153
00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:31,026
of--of my generation, okay?
154
00:05:31,069 --> 00:05:32,723
- [clears throat]
155
00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:37,424
- Whoa, Vic.
156
00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,643
Where's your signature
grandpa sweater?
157
00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:41,906
- Where's your fancy
Harvard job?
158
00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:44,387
all: Ooh!
159
00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:47,172
- Ooh, okay!
Nice comeback.
160
00:05:47,216 --> 00:05:49,697
I like this attitude.
I don't know what's going on.
161
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:51,176
Cool.
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00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:53,353
All right, so how do we change
the narrative, guys?
163
00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:55,180
You know--
I know, I know.
164
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:58,009
We need to make a more popular
video where I look cool.
165
00:05:58,053 --> 00:05:59,489
So how do we do that?
166
00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:01,622
- Uh, Griff, my uncle agreed
to give his kidney
167
00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:03,014
to a total stranger.
168
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:04,364
It was all over the news.
169
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:06,366
Everyone in town
was talking about it.
170
00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,193
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
171
00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:09,804
I like this, a heroic act.
172
00:06:09,847 --> 00:06:11,675
I mean, people love
a feel-good story.
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00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:14,199
- Well, it turned out
the kidney went to a guy
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00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:16,854
who murdered a bunch
of immigrants in rural Texas.
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00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:18,943
So that was a bummer.
- Hmm.
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00:06:18,987 --> 00:06:21,729
- One time I went to Texas
and I hated it.
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00:06:21,772 --> 00:06:24,079
Just like I hate
everything else.
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00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:25,559
Whatever.
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00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,125
- What's going
on with you, bud?
180
00:06:27,169 --> 00:06:29,519
Somebody steal your
Magic: The Gathering cards?
181
00:06:29,563 --> 00:06:31,956
- You wanna go?
- [chuckling] Oh, my God.
182
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,437
This is great.
I like this very much.
183
00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:36,091
I really do.
It's a nice new wrinkle.
184
00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:38,920
I mean, just when I thought
I'd get bored with you guys.
185
00:06:38,963 --> 00:06:41,096
All right, so what's
a powerful moving act
186
00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:42,880
that I could get caught
on camera doing?
187
00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,621
- Being a solider
coming home to your kid.
188
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,057
- Get a cochlear implant
189
00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,842
and hear your mom's voice
for the first time.
190
00:06:47,885 --> 00:06:50,497
- Okay, well that's for babies
and my mom is dead.
191
00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:52,063
- Oh.
192
00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:54,065
- I mean, we're building
a Habitat for Humanity house
193
00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:55,980
this Saturday and the news
is gonna be there.
194
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,678
- No, no! Guys, no!
195
00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,636
This has to be something that
really takes over the airwaves.
196
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,551
You know, think O.J. Bronco.
197
00:07:01,595 --> 00:07:03,988
Think Thai soccer team rescue.
198
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:05,076
- Baby Jessica.
199
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,252
- Yeah, Baby Jess--
Babe--yeah.
200
00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:09,559
Yes, that's good.
201
00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:10,821
Okay, guys, we got it.
All right?
202
00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,475
Anybody who wants extra credit,
203
00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:14,825
meet me in the parking lot
during lunch.
204
00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:17,349
So Baby Jessica
got me thinking about
205
00:07:17,393 --> 00:07:18,916
the brave heroes
that saved her.
206
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,744
I mean, that's such
a striking image.
207
00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:22,572
A strong noble person
208
00:07:22,616 --> 00:07:24,531
pulling someone up
from the depths.
209
00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:26,794
So that's what
I'm going to be.
210
00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:29,449
All right, now who's going to
get down in the sewers for me?
211
00:07:33,191 --> 00:07:34,715
- Whatever, I'll do it.
212
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:36,717
- Yeah, I don't know, Vic.
213
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,632
I mean, you've been acting
a little off today, bud.
214
00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:39,981
- I said I'll do it.
215
00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:42,113
So just get out of my way
right now, please.
216
00:07:42,157 --> 00:07:45,769
♪
217
00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:49,469
.
218
00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:52,080
- This could work. I mean,
Victor makes a good victim.
219
00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:53,385
I mean, that sweet
cherubic face.
220
00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:55,083
When the world sees this face
221
00:07:55,126 --> 00:07:58,086
being rescued by these
muscular arms, you know?
222
00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:00,218
All right,
let's make this happen.
223
00:08:03,526 --> 00:08:05,093
Oh! Okay, yeah.
224
00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:06,834
You know what?
I just remembered.
225
00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:09,227
The city, they started making
these things so that you need
226
00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:11,099
a special device to pull these
manhole covers up,
227
00:08:11,142 --> 00:08:13,884
'cause I think kids were just--
228
00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:15,277
- Yeah, I got it, Mr. G.
229
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,757
- Yeah, well, I--
you know, I--
230
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,368
I loosened the pickle jar
for you there, so...
231
00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:23,981
- Sugar Daddy?
Never heard of him.
232
00:08:24,025 --> 00:08:25,505
- Come on, Dale.
233
00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:27,463
You know every piece of trash
in this school.
234
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,944
- Sorry, can't help you.
Janitor's code.
235
00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:32,076
- We just want to know
where you find
236
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,687
the most Sugar Daddy wrappers.
237
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:34,731
- No can do.
238
00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:35,993
- Wait, time out!
239
00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:37,691
What's going on with
all these boxes?
240
00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:39,780
- Yeah, like, what are you
loading up to leave the school?
241
00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:41,782
- And why can't you stop
working for two seconds
242
00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,348
and talk to us?
243
00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:45,568
- These are empty boxes
going to be recycled.
244
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:46,656
- Hmm.
245
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,310
- You know,
a janitor really makes
246
00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:49,703
the best kind
of litterer, right?
247
00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:51,313
both: Mm-hmm.
248
00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:53,402
- It's like when the doctor
is making the patients sick.
249
00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:56,100
- Or when the fireman
is the arsonist.
250
00:08:56,144 --> 00:08:58,799
- Oh, or when the waiter
is rude to you.
251
00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:01,279
- I am not the Sugar Daddy!
252
00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:03,717
My advice? Walk away.
253
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,806
These wrappers have been around
for eight years,
254
00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,808
and I don't mind it.
255
00:09:07,851 --> 00:09:09,331
- Eight years?
256
00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:10,985
- Well, that means that
it's not a student.
257
00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:13,161
- It certainly rules out
any seven-year-olds.
258
00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:14,510
[clattering]
259
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,165
- All right, Bernie,
we're all set!
260
00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:18,775
Drive it around to
the side of the school
261
00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:20,821
and leave it next to
the blue recycling bin,
262
00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:22,910
and then next week
we'll break down the boxes
263
00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:24,302
and put 'em in the bins!
264
00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:26,957
Yeah! Get a move on, huh?
Make haste!
265
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:29,656
Whoo! [chuckles]
266
00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:31,571
Ugh, I love this job.
267
00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:37,054
[suspenseful music]
268
00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:39,666
[rattling]
269
00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:46,716
♪
270
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:01,035
- All right, well,
our little victim
271
00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:02,340
seems to be in place here.
272
00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:03,951
So who's going
to call Channel 24
273
00:10:03,994 --> 00:10:05,692
and convince them to get
their camera crew down here?
274
00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:07,519
- I'll do it.
- Uh, you know what?
275
00:10:07,563 --> 00:10:08,869
Let me get somebody else
to do it.
276
00:10:08,912 --> 00:10:10,392
- Hello?
Yes, I'm at Whitlock High
277
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:11,741
and my friend
just fell down a manhole,
278
00:10:11,785 --> 00:10:13,395
and oh, my God, I'm
so scared he's going to die!
279
00:10:13,438 --> 00:10:14,918
The ambulances are
on their way.
280
00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:16,441
You're not going to want
to miss this.
281
00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,182
You need to tell the world
'cause he's going to need
282
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:19,575
a lot of prayers
otherwise he might die.
283
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,403
Hurry, hurry, hurry!
They bought it.
284
00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:22,839
- Did they?
- Yes.
285
00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:25,059
- Okay, well, as much
as it devastates me
286
00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:26,800
to say this, Marcus,
good job.
287
00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:28,279
- Namaste.
288
00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:30,978
- Oh! Oh, don't do that.
That is just the worst.
289
00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:33,067
All right, Victor,
when I pull you--
290
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:35,025
♪
291
00:10:35,069 --> 00:10:37,027
Victor?
292
00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:38,072
Victor?
293
00:10:38,115 --> 00:10:39,639
Oh, boy.
294
00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:40,901
[blows raspberry]
295
00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:42,467
Let me try something here.
296
00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:44,644
Victor!
297
00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:46,080
Victor?
298
00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:48,996
- Yo, Mr. G, you lost Victor!
- Yeah.
299
00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:51,433
- Mr. Griffin, is it fair
to say that losing a kid
300
00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:53,348
wasn't the heroic act
you were looking for?
301
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:55,350
- Yeah, Sarika but, you know,
it's not over, okay?
302
00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:56,656
We're not giving up on Victor.
303
00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:58,614
Okay, I'm not giving up
on Victor.
304
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,529
- Yeah.
305
00:11:00,572 --> 00:11:03,140
- Unless we all agree
not to say anything.
306
00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:04,751
[angry clamoring]
- Mr. Griffin!
307
00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:05,969
- Mr. Griffin!
308
00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:07,275
- I know, that's
what I'm saying.
309
00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:08,972
I--I so I should--
we'll save him.
310
00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:11,453
Plus, you know, he might
still be alive down there.
311
00:11:11,496 --> 00:11:13,411
Yeah, Marcus,
cancel the news crew, man.
312
00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:15,718
- Oh, that's not possible.
Can't unring a bell.
313
00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:17,589
- It's like when
you stand on a rooftop
314
00:11:17,633 --> 00:11:19,156
and you try to shake out all
the feathers from a pillow--
315
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,636
- Yeah, from "Doubt"!
From "Doubt."
316
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,159
You love that movie.
- It's a great movie.
317
00:11:22,203 --> 00:11:23,508
- It's great.
- Okay, guys, guys, guys.
318
00:11:23,552 --> 00:11:25,293
Can we just please find
our friend?
319
00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:28,078
- All right, everybody--
Everybody down in the hole.
320
00:11:28,122 --> 00:11:29,645
Yep, everybody.
- Ugh.
321
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,386
- Lower yourselves into
the hole in the ground.
322
00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:32,779
He'll be somewhere in there.
323
00:11:36,217 --> 00:11:36,434
.
324
00:11:36,478 --> 00:11:38,915
- All right, um,
why don't you guys
325
00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:40,525
check down this tunnel here
and I'm gonna look down here.
326
00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:42,440
All right? Here we go.
327
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:43,441
Victor!
328
00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:44,747
- Victor!
- Victor?
329
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:46,270
- Vic?
- Yo, Vic!
330
00:11:46,314 --> 00:11:48,490
- Victor?
- Hmm.
331
00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:50,405
Tony don't tango
with tunnels.
332
00:11:50,448 --> 00:11:53,669
Uh, I'm gonna stay here and
sing every once in a while.
333
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,541
It'll be like vocal
bread crumbs.
334
00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:57,934
[clears throat]
335
00:11:57,978 --> 00:11:59,414
[exhales]
336
00:11:59,457 --> 00:12:01,329
- Victor!
337
00:12:01,372 --> 00:12:04,375
- ♪ Lay a whisper
338
00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:07,117
♪ On my pillow
339
00:12:07,161 --> 00:12:09,772
- Victor?
- ♪ Leave the winter
340
00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,295
- Victor?
- This is disgusting.
341
00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:14,081
- Victor?
- ♪ On the ground
342
00:12:14,124 --> 00:12:15,778
- Victor?
- ♪ I wake up lonely
343
00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:17,475
- Victor?
- Victor?
344
00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:20,478
- ♪ The air of silence
345
00:12:20,522 --> 00:12:23,481
♪ In the bedroom
all: Victor? Victor?
346
00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:26,484
- ♪ And all around
347
00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:28,443
- This can't be.
348
00:12:28,486 --> 00:12:29,749
This is crazy.
349
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:30,837
[panting]
350
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,013
[tense music]
351
00:12:33,056 --> 00:12:34,492
[dramatic musical sting]
352
00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:37,104
There's the doll heads.
353
00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:39,280
[gasps]
No, no, no, no, no, no.
354
00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:42,544
Oh, no, Ralph.
Not this, not these.
355
00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:44,546
- Helen! Helen!
356
00:12:44,589 --> 00:12:47,984
- Hey, gals!
What's up, what's up?
357
00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:49,899
[laughter]
Let me hear you now.
358
00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:51,988
Just the ladies.
And scream!
359
00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:53,860
- Okay, hey!
- Hey!
360
00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:56,645
- [screams]
[all laughing]
361
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:58,821
- Helen, we've made a major
breakthrough in the case.
362
00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:01,084
- Mm-hmm. Dale told us that
the Sugar Daddy
363
00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:02,956
has been doing this
for eight years.
364
00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:04,174
It can't be a student.
365
00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:05,872
- It's someone we work with!
366
00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:07,264
- No, I don't think so.
367
00:13:07,308 --> 00:13:08,788
- Oh, come on.
Open your eyes.
368
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:10,398
I mean, it makes perfect sense.
369
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:12,966
The criminal's always some sad,
middle-aged man in khakis
370
00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:14,794
you would never expect.
371
00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:16,883
- No. I think it's a student.
372
00:13:16,926 --> 00:13:20,843
Uh, what is that 22 year old
Sophomore's name, Lucas?
373
00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:22,323
- Helen, it's not Lucas.
374
00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:24,325
But we're going to find out
who it is soon.
375
00:13:24,368 --> 00:13:26,501
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
376
00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:34,639
- Oh, Ralph, you just got
these candies in here
377
00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:36,903
because you
confiscated them, right?
378
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,472
This can't be.
This can't be.
379
00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:42,822
[dramatic organ music]
380
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:46,173
I have such doubts!
381
00:13:46,216 --> 00:13:48,131
- Victor!
382
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:53,789
Vic--hey. Vic.
383
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,835
Hey, man, what the hell?
384
00:13:55,878 --> 00:13:57,227
Are you okay?
385
00:13:57,271 --> 00:13:58,663
- Like you care.
386
00:13:58,707 --> 00:14:01,884
All you care about it making
love to pretty women.
387
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:05,409
[soft music]
388
00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:06,758
♪
389
00:14:06,802 --> 00:14:08,543
- All right.
390
00:14:08,586 --> 00:14:10,762
- This is lining up with
a lot of my nightmares.
391
00:14:10,806 --> 00:14:12,286
Are my teeth
still in my mouth?
392
00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:14,375
- I don't know, man.
Feel around with your tongue.
393
00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:16,290
- Grace, are you sure you know
what you're doing?
394
00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:19,510
- Guys, it's just a tunnel.
There's no reason to be afraid.
395
00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:21,599
[gasps] Maybe we'll see
the rat king!
396
00:14:21,643 --> 00:14:23,253
- Excuse me? A rat what?
397
00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:24,298
- The rat king.
398
00:14:24,341 --> 00:14:25,908
It's when a mob of 50
or more rats
399
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:27,170
get their tails intertwined
400
00:14:27,214 --> 00:14:28,693
and it becomes
an angry vicious creature
401
00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,913
that starts to understand
the idea of right and wrong.
402
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:32,262
- [gasps]
- Oh, God.
403
00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:33,350
- My glasses!
404
00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:34,830
- I'm so--I'm sorry.
- My glasses.
405
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:35,918
- Here, I got them.
I got them.
406
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,615
I got 'em.
407
00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:40,009
[light acoustic music]
408
00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:41,619
♪
409
00:14:41,663 --> 00:14:44,622
Here you go.
410
00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:45,885
Here you go.
411
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:49,279
♪
412
00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:50,890
There you go.
413
00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:52,239
[clattering]
- Oh, my God! What was that?
414
00:14:52,282 --> 00:14:53,849
No, no, no!
That--that's the rat king!
415
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,807
The rat king!
- Rat king?
416
00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:58,114
[all clamoring]
417
00:14:58,158 --> 00:14:59,942
- Rat king!
- Rat king!
418
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:02,727
- Rat king!
Let me see! Let me see!
419
00:15:02,771 --> 00:15:05,165
- ♪ It must've been love
420
00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:08,646
♪ But it's over now
421
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:11,649
♪ It must have been good
[all clamoring]
422
00:15:11,693 --> 00:15:13,913
♪ But I lost it somehow
423
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:15,131
- Hell no!
424
00:15:15,175 --> 00:15:17,438
- What?
We--we can't leave.
425
00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:18,700
- Rat king! Rat king!
426
00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:20,484
- But--but Victor.
- Oh, my God, rat king.
427
00:15:20,528 --> 00:15:22,617
- I'm gonna stay here and
keep singing for my friend.
428
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:24,662
- Something touched my leg!
429
00:15:24,706 --> 00:15:25,968
Oh, I think I got bit!
430
00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,578
- That's probably not great.
431
00:15:27,622 --> 00:15:30,799
So what's with the game
of hide and seek, bud?
432
00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:33,541
- This charade has gone
on long enough.
433
00:15:33,584 --> 00:15:35,978
- I'm not the rebel
everyone thinks I am.
434
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:38,938
[sighs]
I'm not heavy metal.
435
00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:42,942
- Santana is really more sort
of smooth Latin American jazz.
436
00:15:44,073 --> 00:15:45,553
- My parents
are getting a divorce.
437
00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:49,122
- Oh. I'm sorry
to hear that, bud.
438
00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,341
So you were, what?
Running away.
439
00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:54,692
- I just thought that if
I went missing in the sewers,
440
00:15:54,736 --> 00:16:00,002
then my parents would both come
and they'd hug and cry and kiss
441
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:03,484
and then pray I'm not dead
and then kiss again
442
00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:06,791
and it would be
just like Epcot in 2015.
443
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,663
- [chuckles]
444
00:16:08,706 --> 00:16:11,927
Look, uh, I'm gonna
tell you something
445
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,973
as someone who comes
from divorced parents.
446
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:16,018
Divorce is great, okay?
447
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:18,368
I mean they probably
hate each other.
448
00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:21,110
- They did say that a lot.
- Yeah.
449
00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:22,720
Yeah, and you probably think
that it's your fault
450
00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:26,246
that they're splitting up
but it's not.
451
00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:29,031
It is your fault that they
probably stayed together
452
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,641
as long as they did, though.
453
00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:32,730
You know, despite the fact
that you were all miserable.
454
00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:35,516
So hey, good news, you're
all about to be much happier.
455
00:16:37,170 --> 00:16:39,999
Yeah, but look, if--if--
456
00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,217
if you need to chat
about it some more,
457
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,350
come see me after class,
all right?
458
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:45,656
Yeah.
459
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:47,745
Want to get out
of this disgusting place?
460
00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:49,573
- Yeah, I really have to pee.
461
00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,097
- Well, hey,
we are in the sewer.
462
00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:53,055
You could just cut out
the middleman.
463
00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:55,971
- He's here!
- Did you see the rat king?
464
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,277
- Sorry, guys.
465
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,627
I've been dealing
with a lot lately.
466
00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:01,237
But Mr. Griffin and I
467
00:17:01,281 --> 00:17:03,283
are going to have an ongoing
conversation about it
468
00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:05,850
because it's a very painful
thing for me.
469
00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:09,071
- [groans] Okay, hey.
All right.
470
00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:11,117
[sirens blaring]
Oh, perfect timing.
471
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,901
Now Vic, don't wander off.
[clang]
472
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:15,034
all: Oh!
[thud]
473
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:17,558
[groaning]
- Whoopsie.
474
00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:18,907
- [coughing]
475
00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:21,301
[all groaning]
476
00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:22,693
- Okay.
[camera shutter clicks]
477
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:29,004
.
478
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,093
[dramatic music]
479
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:33,095
- Hello, Ralph.
480
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:35,358
- Helen, what are--
481
00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:36,577
What are you doing in here?
482
00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:40,102
- Ralph Darius Durbin.
483
00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:42,626
I'm gonna ask you something.
484
00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:47,109
Just once over and over again
until you tell me.
485
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:50,112
♪
486
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:53,637
[thud echoing]
487
00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:55,422
Are you the Sugar Daddy?
488
00:17:55,465 --> 00:17:58,033
♪
489
00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,469
I saw you do it.
490
00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:01,167
♪
491
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:04,213
You messy son of a gun!
492
00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,954
Why, Ralph?
493
00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:08,565
Littering.
[bleep] littering?
494
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:10,611
- I'll tell you why
because I'm sick of having
495
00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:12,700
to be this perfect person
all the time.
496
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:15,529
Mother Teresa wasn't perfect.
Mr. Rogers had flaws.
497
00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:18,967
Even President Trump
has a bit of a sweet tooth.
498
00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:20,447
- You lied to me.
499
00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:22,623
- I didn't want you thinking
any less of me!
500
00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:24,973
But every now and then,
I had to break a rule too
501
00:18:25,016 --> 00:18:27,584
and I give Dale $20
every time I do it.
502
00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:31,849
- Ralph, I would never
think less of you.
503
00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:34,678
- [sighs] So what happens now?
504
00:18:34,722 --> 00:18:37,290
[siren wails in distance]
505
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:40,684
[sighs, chuckles]
506
00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:44,645
Say goodnight
to the Sugar Daddy.
507
00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:47,517
[suspenseful music]
508
00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:48,518
♪
509
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:50,129
- Wait a minute.
510
00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:51,739
Oh no! Ralph!
511
00:18:51,782 --> 00:18:56,222
♪
512
00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:57,571
[slow-motion]
No!
513
00:18:57,614 --> 00:19:00,574
Don't shoot him!
514
00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:02,576
Don't kill him, please!
515
00:19:02,619 --> 00:19:06,536
Oh, dear God, take me!
516
00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:08,016
[siren wails]
517
00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:10,671
The hell?
- I--I've got to say.
518
00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:13,152
I'm very curious as to why
the ambulances and cops
519
00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:14,849
are actually here.
520
00:19:14,892 --> 00:19:17,199
- Guys, guys, I'm fine.
521
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,332
I'm just a little sore.
522
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:21,986
[indistinct chatter]
523
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:25,120
[groaning]
- Okay.
524
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,862
- Guys, is all this
really necessary?
525
00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:30,691
- Hey, I know you.
526
00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:32,083
Aren't you that guy
Mr. Whoopsie?
527
00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:33,476
- Doctor. Yes.
528
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,217
- Jesus, are you okay?
529
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:36,697
- Oh, oh yeah. Why?
530
00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:38,786
- The stretcher and stuff.
The news is here.
531
00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:40,309
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
532
00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:41,789
I fell deep down
into the sewer.
533
00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:43,312
I'm so glad you're here
to see me like this.
534
00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:44,835
- You're very cute
when you're injured.
535
00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:46,881
It's a good thing
it happens so often.
536
00:19:46,924 --> 00:19:48,926
- Oh, actually,
if I'm gonna die,
537
00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:50,928
we should probably French kiss
goodbye, don't you think?
538
00:19:50,972 --> 00:19:53,322
- No, thanks.
Your lips were just in a sewer.
539
00:19:56,456 --> 00:19:58,240
[siren chirps]
540
00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,894
- In what would be
the saddest edition
541
00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:01,330
of "Where Are They Now?",
542
00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:04,115
recent internet sensation,
Doctor Whoopsie
543
00:20:04,159 --> 00:20:06,205
is back to his
bumbling antics.
544
00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:08,555
This time,
he's fallen into a sewer.
545
00:20:08,598 --> 00:20:12,036
The maladroit doofus, who some
claim was a Harvard professor,
546
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,822
was just dragged from
the depths behind me.
547
00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:16,911
Now authorities were
initially called to the scene
548
00:20:16,954 --> 00:20:18,521
for a missing child alert.
549
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,523
- That was me!
550
00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:22,133
I was missing.
551
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:24,571
- We have a Channel 24
exclusive here.
552
00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:26,529
This is the missing sewer boy.
553
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:28,531
What's your name?
Are you okay?
554
00:20:28,575 --> 00:20:29,967
- I'm Victor,
555
00:20:30,011 --> 00:20:31,839
and to be completely honest
with you, Sandra,
556
00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:33,319
I'm not doing great.
557
00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:35,408
- Uh, hey, lipstick, I got
your sound bite right here.
558
00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:38,237
- It appears another
sewer child is ready to speak.
559
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,108
- We never would've gotten
out of that sewer
560
00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:42,763
if it wasn't for our teacher,
Jack Griffin.
561
00:20:42,806 --> 00:20:45,069
- He also helped me through
an emotional crisis
562
00:20:45,113 --> 00:20:47,071
and he has generously
offered me further counsel.
563
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:49,160
- Yeah, Mr. Griffin saved us.
564
00:20:49,204 --> 00:20:51,685
There's a legit rat king down
there. We saw it, Sandy.
565
00:20:51,728 --> 00:20:54,427
Oh, he dove into the massive
rats without any regard
566
00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:56,994
for himself effortlessly
detangling their tails
567
00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:58,996
and dethroning the rat king!
568
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,781
- We all could
have gotten rabies,
569
00:21:00,824 --> 00:21:03,436
but instead we got a hero.
570
00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:05,742
[click]
571
00:21:05,786 --> 00:21:07,440
- Victor?
572
00:21:07,483 --> 00:21:08,789
Play it again.
573
00:21:08,832 --> 00:21:10,312
- You got it.
574
00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:12,619
- In what would be
the saddest edition
575
00:21:12,662 --> 00:21:14,142
of "Where Are They Now?",
576
00:21:14,185 --> 00:21:16,187
recent internet sensation,
Doctor Whoopsie,
577
00:21:16,231 --> 00:21:18,320
is back to
his bumbling antics.
578
00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:21,105
The maladroit doofus, who some
claim was a Harvard professor,
579
00:21:21,149 --> 00:21:24,021
was just dragged
from the depths behind me.
39007
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