All language subtitles for [zmk.pw]Marwencol.2010.DVDRiP.XViD.eng

dream

when you're feeling blue

dream

that's the thing to do

things never are
as bad as they seem

so dream

dream, dream

on april 8, 2000,
mark hogancamp was in a bar.

he left the bar
about closing time.

and a group of five individuals
had been in the bar harassing him,

then they went outside, followed
him, and beat him senseless.

stomped on him, and did some
pretty bad damage to his brain.

the doctors had to
rebuild his face.

the impact on the brain
from the assault

was such that he was
in a coma for 9 days.

to see your 38-year-old son
having to learn how to eat again,

taking his first steps.

i mean, seeing your 38-year-old
son starting to walk again.

and seeing it,
it's heart breaking.

he was there for 40 days
in the hospital.

and then they dismissed him
because he couldn't pay for it

when he was on medicaid.

i took care of mark
for 2 years

after he got out
of the hospital.

i mean, he really literally
had to learn everything over.

he went to therapy
for a very short time.

it was-- all these physical
therapies he went through

and talking and word
search and all this stuff.

he was just starting to get,
you know, some of this stuff back

when they just, like,
cut if off.

"that's it.
that's all you get".

then you come home
from work

and he's building
this little miniature building,

and looks like hell,
just made from old plywood

and nasty stuff and pieces of
stuff you find around the yard.

but it's developed
into a world, his own world.

this is me.

after the attack,
of course.

always smoking.

um, i used to carry
one revolver.

and then general patton
gave me his other revolver.

so now i have two.

because the general just wants
to hang out, have a drink.

what's this
all about, man

when the teenagers
kicked my head to pieces,

they wiped, i mean,
everything.

all memory of everything.

my memories that i do get,
they come back in stills,

just a single shot,
but no context.

all i have is a photo to remind
me that, ok, i was married, wow.

to a good-looking girl, too.

she was a russian polish.
anastasia.

i started to ask questions

because i didn't know
who i was.

i had to ask other people.
what was i like

was i bad guy
was i mean was i

and they would tell me,
"no, you weren't mean.

you were just drunk".

you know, you were
an all right guy.

"did i hurt anyone "

"no, you just hurt
yourself".

then i started finding
my drunk journals

and started reading those

because i wanted
to find out who i was.

for real.

'cause the only one
that would know

is the guy who was writing
them, who was me.

maybe not in the right
frame of mind,

but it was me.

it's all messed up like this
because i was hammered.

"i'm gonna die tonight".

and, oh, january 19, 1993.

"last entry".

and i was like, my god.

it was like reading
something

that stephen king wrote
or something.

it was bad.

i never want to see
this guy again.

i figured, all right, well, what's
the first thing i got to work on

that's my imagination.

i came flying over in my
p-40 warhawk. on fire.

and i saw a field
down below.

and i crash landed it.

and when i walked
into town,

there was nobody there.

and then one by one,
beautiful barbie-looking women

started emerging.

i was the only man in town
with 27 barbies.

the ss, i found out later,

went through there
and killed men.

it was like a desolate town.

and they all hid
when the ss were there.

so they came out
and they thanked me.

i was thinking, "boy, what
a lucky guy i am".

so they gave me my
own place, my own building,

which i turned into a bar.

i used to work there
five days a week.

you know, 10 hours a day.

but now i just work
once a week,

and it's 4 or 5 hours
a week,

just so i can get used to
doing things again.

mark's job is-- he kind of does
anything i ask him, really.

doesn't come in too much

because it's
too much for him

if he's around a lot of people
and a lot of stress.

he came to me,
he was in recovery.

didn't last long.

and he was awful.

he drank. sometimes he
came to work,

sometimes, like he said,
he would have a shot

just to steady himself
for the day

and just call in
and say, i'm not coming.

after he got out
of the hospital,

it was like somebody
turned a switch.

he had no interest
in alcohol at all. at all.

after the attack, when i started
coming around back here,

i looked at the bottles and
i don't get that same feeling.

nothing happens when
i look at the bottle.

it's like liquor, booze,
that's it.

i mean, if i don't remember
what it's like to be drunk

or what it tastes like,
then i don't miss it.

i just figured i'd be like sam
malone, you know, from "cheers".

you know, he's
a recovering alcoholic

and he is a bartender.

i made my alter ego figure
drink only coffee

because that's what
i do in real life,

drink tons of coffee.

does anybody ever try and
offer your alter ego a beer

yeah. yeah.

and what happens

i just tell them
i don't drink.

the only entertainment i could
think of was catfighting.

so i paid the girls
to catfight.

staged catfights for
entertainment purposes only.

i named my club,
besides hogancamp's,

i added a little bit more.

hogancamp's
ruined stocking.

catfight club.
the only one in belgium.

this place. just looking
at it soothes me.

i used to be able to draw
anything that came to my mind,

but now, since
the attack, i can't

because my hand
shakes too much.

this one was evidence.

still has
the evidence sticker.

his drawings were there
to show to the jury

what this individual
was capable of doing.

brain damage you can't see
with your own eyes,

but you can see
the manifestations

from what people have
been able to do before

to what they can do now.

mom, i'm home.

i need supplies.

when mark first came in
after the attack,

he was very upset.

his hand wasn't steady
enough to do anything.

and he was afraid that he
wasn't gonna be able to continue,

and that just frustrated
the heck out of him.

so we encouraged him.

and janet, when he
didn't have any money,

she'd give him a kit
or something to work with.

he kept bringing things
in to show us.

and you could see
the excitement in him,

like, "yeah, yeah, it's there.
i hope to get better at it.

i'm in
the hobby shop.

i just love
the hobby shop.

you get too--
you get too excited.

everything's real.

the slide on the .45.

the hammer.

the clip even comes out.

so that adds to my,
you know, veracity

of getting into it,
into the story,

because i know
everything works.

i almost know what everything--
what every satchel's carrying.

you know, that's grenades.

this is the briefcase
i carry around.

in here we have money,

the detonator,

and then certificate
of ownership

that i made up myself for my
doll figure to carry around

because this proves
i own the bar, then.

this is my mom,
my mother.

this is from the movie
"goldfinger," 007.

pussy galore
was her name.

anyway, yeah, it looks
just like my mom.

when my mother
came to visit,

i said, "mom, mom, look,
there's you. you're tending bar".

then she-- "yeah, ok".

didn't even look. just
walked right past it.

so it's like-- but it's
my mom, you know.

so i gotta have
my mom in here,

in my town.

this is how i work
on patience.

this is how i work
on dexterity.

training my right hand
to be a little bit calmer,

not shake so much.

i'm amazed how i can talk
about this

and actually do it
at the same time.

that's a first.

i started needing vehicles
for my town.

and the tires,
they looked so brand new.

they got the little factory
seam around every one.

it looks like it just
rolled out a show room.

i don't want that.

so i start dragging stuff.

the jeep has
180 miles on it.

which is 1,080 miles
in 1/6 scale.

when i'm even walking,

i have to constantly
look at my feet.

i can't look around like
other people do and just walk

because otherwise i'll wind up
in the middle of the road

or something like that.

so i've always got to look
at what's ahead.

i'm walking along.
i'm walking on that white line.

i always have to keep on
looking down,

make sure i'm
walking on that.

and i still lose my balance
and stuff when i'm doing that,

but i'm getting better
at it.

americans and germans
were wandering into the town

either because
they were lost

or they just came
across the town.

there was one rule
in my town.

that-- friends.
be friendly with each other.

behave.
so they did. they were.

the americans, the british,
the germans,

they all drink together, they
all smoke cigarettes together.

everybody be friends
with each other.

the germans,
when they were there,

i told them they have to
get along with the americans.

and as long as i gave them
booze and a couple of catfights,

staged catfights, between
the girls, they were happy.

so the americans and germans
sat together, drinking together.

everybody got along.

nobody was against
anybody else.

it didn't matter
what clothing they wore.

when i get that new character
and i open up that box,

the first thing i look at
is their face.

and then i think, who does
that remind me of that i know,

that i want to portray with
an alter ego in my town

and then that's
their alter ego.

she looks like pam.

a girl i know, pam.

that's married.
down at the anchorage.

so i think i'm gonna
make her pam.

pam.

then sometimes i just do
a quick thing like this.

like, oh-ho ho.

like they're hugging me.
like they bought me and stuff.

i know what it's like
to build things in miniature

and want to have, like,
a society outside of society,

a smaller society.

when mark creates
a character for you,

that's really a way
mark honors you.

and i felt
very honored

when mark made me
part of his town.

my doll, i believe
he's a british commando.

i think it's
a handsome doll, myself.

there's always something
going on at marwencol.

there's always danger. there's
always the ss trying to attack.

i've taken place
in many battles,

and we usually
come out on top.

everybody
at one time or another

wishes they had a double
that could do things

that they could never do.

so what i do is
with alter egos,

i tell my friends,
you can be anybody you want,

you can do anything
you want in my town.

have as many girls
as you want.

i only-- i have 27 barbies,

so we have to keep enough
for the other dudes.

mediterranean lisa said,

i want to have a tall, dark,
and handsome boyfriend.

i said, ok.

so i put her with yazi
the navajo indian.

and she said, he's gorgeous.
he's perfect.

but she didn't know
i had a steve mcqueen doll.

when she found that out,

she wanted to drop
the navajo like a hot cake.

and now steve mcqueen's
her boyfriend.

i am mediterranean lisa,
and this is my doll.

i am now dating
steve mcqueen.

i'm very happy about that.

a couple buddies of mine

were looking at
my town one day

and it was all, you know,
the soldiers out there and stuff.

and i had a barbie.

and one of them said,
"hey, look, man, it's a barbie".

and i says, "yeah, what do
you want it to be, gay town,

with all dudes in it "

he's like, "no".

i said, "man, all the dudes
got to have some women".

you know what i mean. i...
i love the thought of women.

you know, so i want women
in my town.

this is the last
girlfriend that i had.

9 years ago.

it's the last time i ever felt
a woman, hugged a woman.

kissed a woman.

the first 4 years
of that 9 years

was because i was a drunk and
i didn't care to look for women.

i'd just rather drink.

and the last five years,
i've been me being busy,

trying to get back
my senses,

fine motor skills.

i have to learn that
all over again, sex.

because i don't know--

i don't remember
what it was like.

that's what i used to do
to my wife

when i would come off
the ship.

come home
and attack her.

she'd be waiting.

i wish i had somebody to
come over, a girl preferably,

to manipulate
the female dolls.

that'd be neat--

playing dolls
with a girlfriend.

my bedroom window was right
across the street from a big house

with a white picket fence

and a big tall blonde
lived over there.

we would-- you know, if i was
outside and she was outside,

we'd, you know, meet
at the picket fence.

and the other neighbor,
betty, would come over.

and then the three of us

would be at
the white picket fence.

so i dubbed it
the gossip fence.

it was great.

she was just so beautiful.

hi, i'm colleen,

and this is my home.

and this is where
mark and i used to talk

and gossip
by my fence.

i like blondes
to begin with, so.

'cause of my ex-wife.

she's blonde.

you know, so i experienced
the feeling of a crush.

what it is to want
someone.

i have 3 children.
i'm married.

i didn't know about
that. can't have her.

you know, i just...

oh, innocent me.

i didn't understand it.

i mean, i didn't want
to steal her away.

i just wanted
to let her know

that she was on
some scrumptious.

mark had shared with me,
like, certain pictures

that he had been taking,
photographs,

and telling me certain
storylines that he had had.

and i just kept telling him
to go with it.

my husband was just like,
you know, you got to be aware.

just be aware.

she matches.

i mean, her shirt
matches her little sparkles.

and that's what mark
was probably thinking, too.

i was like, yep, that's me.
a barbie doll.

this is the colleen doll.

i did her hair last night.

um, when i wash it
and all that crap

i get all the chemicals out.

i put more chemicals in
by spraying it

and combing it and stuff.

but this is how it dries--

close to her head,

not sticking out way out here
like it was yesterday.

and colleen has this
nice little one piece of hair

that always, you know--

a strand that always
hangs down and stuff.

hey. she looks hot.

anyway, i'm putting manolo
blahnik slingbacks on colleen

'cause she deserves that.

so we were just talking

and he goes, "what would
you name a store "

there would used to be a store,
and i used to love this store,

but it actually went
out of business.

and it was pocket
full of posies.

so i built it.

so i preserved colleen,

and i can have her
in my town.

i'm making believe

that you're in my arms

though i know
you're so far away

making believe
i'm talking to you

wish you could hear
what i say

and here in the gloom
of my lonely room

we're dancing
like we used to do

making believe is just
another way of dreaming

so till my dreams
come true

i'll whisper good night

turn out the light
and kiss my pillow

making believe it's you

ok.

mark had gotten into
a conversation with me

and he was showing me
some certain pictures.

i says, look, look,

i even put your name
on the car door,

my name on that
car door.

you're here, i'm here.

and he was like, well,

they're getting married
on such and such day.

i said, what, you know,
we're engaged.

as he was telling me,

it was like he was telling me
about it like it was somebody else,

like it was two other people.

and then when he told me
it was us,

and i was just like... what

hello. you're talking to a
real person, and there's dolls.

you have to know
when you have to stop.

so i go outside
sulking and stuff.

and there's deja thorus,
the belgian witch of marwencol.

and i explained to her
what went on with colleen.

and just then,
here comes colleen

waving, "how you doing,
mark " and everything.

i just figured she's gonna
point her gloved finger at colleen

and poof her
out of her shoes,

get rid of her forever
out of marwencol.

just get rid of her
for me.

so i didn't complain.

so who's that

anna. that's anna,
my favorite female doll.

i wish that she would
come alive.

i won a photo contest

and with that money,
i bought anna.

sorry.

when i first got the doll,
i fell in love with her face.

so much that i had to
paint makeup on her.

and being that
i'm alone in life,

i figure at least
my alter ego

can have a girlfriend.

every night she's next
to my bed, i stare at her

and i wish and i wish
and i wish

that i could find a girl
that looks just like her.

when i first saw mark,

probably a year before
i actually talked to him,

he's in this full
world war ll regalia

and it looked like he had a remote
controlled truck or something,

like one of these
rc aficionados.

my window actually
looks out the curve,

like right past us
going toward his house.

and so, i noticed every day
around 2:00 or 3:00

he would start
coming home.

so i set my long lens

and tried to zoom in to
figure out what was going on,

if this was
a remote control

or is this grown man
actually pulling a car

or a truck
or something.

and then i decided that i was
going to try to figure out a way

to stop and talk to him.

i saw him again when he was
walking down the street.

i drive way up ahead, i park
maybe 75, 80 yards up ahead,

and get out.

i'm sitting there
and i can sense him

getting a little
closer and closer.

i go, "hey!" you know,
"how's it going "

he's like, "pretty good.
pretty good".

and he stops and proceeded
to introduce me

to the people
in the jeep.

there were 2 figures
in the jeep.

he says, this is
actually so and so,

who is someone
i work with.

and this other woman, she's
actually an old neighbor of mine.

i was like, has anybody
else seen this stuff

or talked to you,
you know

he goes, you're the first
person to ever really stop

and say, that's interesting.
what are you doing

or where are you going
or what's that all about

the next day, this envelope
stuffed with photos.

and i opened them up,
and i was just astonished

by the realism
and the feeling.

when i went to his house
after i saw the photos,

i said, now, do you have
anymore of these

he goes, oh, i've got
thousands of them.

yeah, sure.

'cause i'm
a photographer, i was,

how do you manage all your
assets and your negatives

he said, i don't even
keep the negatives.

the negatives,
i throw them away.

i asked him about metering,
things like that.

he said, you know, well,
the light meter's actually broken.

so basically what i do,
is i set up these shots

and shoot them, then send
them off to a mail order lab,

which is where he got
all his processing done.

and wait a couple weeks,
he'd come back,

they'd be overexposed
2 or 3 stops or under,

and he's just shoot
the entire thing over again.

it's funny. i don't think he
ever even thought of himself

as being a photographer.

he was just using a camera
as a tool to communicate.

definitely didn't identify
himself as an artist.

it was all such
a genuine thing.

and i just-- i felt like
it was too amazing

to not share
with other people.

the story, meanwhile,
was just going on in my head,

like, ok, the ss heard
about my town, my bar.

they're just driving around
aimlessly looking for marwencol.

looking for the town
they heard of,

the bar they heard of,
the women they heard of.

that the marwencol women
were beautiful.

they're the most beautiful
girls in belgium.

so, eventually,
the ss find marwencol.

and there's nobody around.

we all decided to go
to the bar,

hogancamp's catfight club,
2 miles away

and hide in there.

and the only one left
in town was ruth.

she had decided
to stay behind,

watch over the church.

and the ss came in.

and they interrogated
ruthie.

and these guys wanted
to know where the bar was.

"where's the bar
i want a drink".

'cause i remember that's the way
i was when i was an alcoholic.

"gah! i want a drink!"

you know. i remember that.

and so, she still
wouldn't tell

the ss where my bar was,
where i'd moved the bar.

so they killed her.

i heard that
i'm killed off.

yes.

i don't remember you
ever telling me.

you were in the church

when the ss came
and found marwencol.

they wanted to drink. they
wanted to party. you know.

there was nobody there
but you.

you wouldn't tell them
where the bar was,

so they killed you.

the bad guy killed you.

and then they started
walking out of the church.

and the professor, who stayed
behind to watch over ruthie,

he was picking off the ss.
he got three of them.

so the ss scared back
into the church.

they were gonna stay there
until they found my bar.

and the professor was just--

every time one of them
would poke their head out,

he was picking them off.

and that was good.

if mark is angry, he definitely
takes it out on his town,

which i guess is a good outlet,
you know.

instead of taking
out in real life,

he takes it out
on his town.

and he gets a lot
of anger out that way.

and the ss takes the brunt
of a lot of it.

i think a lot of it
stems from his attack, too.

he's got a lot of
anger to let go,

especially for groups,
people who hate.

and it definitely
shows in his town.

anything pisses him
off in life,

that's an outlet for
mark to take it out

and someone in that
town's gonna get it.

i created my own therapies.

and this was one of them.

wow.

i could act out my revenge
and anger and rage

in photographs.

it's nice to be
able to--

you know,
somebody hurts you,

you can, without
any violence,

you know, get back
at them. you know.

correct. right.

whether it be on paper
or in film.

yep. yep.

i still really miss
somebody to talk to

about still
the way i feel.

so you're not
in therapy now

oh, no. no.

this guy is tod, the editor
for "esopus" magazine.

good friend of mine
named david naugle,

he was at a party and said--
had his mac with him,

and he said, i've got to
show you something.

and i thought
it was fantastic.

just like nothing
i'd ever seen before.

and the story, although i didn't
know much of it at that point,

was fascinating
to me, too.

the magazine is--
the whole purpose of it is

to present a space
that's completely uncommercial,

completely unmediated,
and completely unfiltered

for artists to present
their work to,

hopefully, a fairly broad
general public.

to find somebody like mark
who's doing this amazing work

that no one has seen ever,

except maybe a few
people he worked with

at the anchorage and david,

was just like a gift
from the gods, you know.

does it feel like
therapy at all to you,

or is it all
just art

it constantly keeps
my mind--

it keeps my mind
constantly working.

uh-huh.

i mean, the minute i met him,

i was like,
oh, he's like a nice guy.

he's just a wonderful
nice guy.

he's so much further along
than most of us would be

in that situation.

and really because of what
he'd decided to do with his life.

this idea of someone using art to
sort of access something they lost

or to sort of regain
something they lost

was just so beautiful
and so moving to me.

and then the work
was so great.

it would be a great story if
his work were, you know, nice,

but his work is strong.

it's strong stuff.

so that just made it
such a no-brainer.

of course we're
gonna do this.

meanwhile, back
in marwencol...

the town germans and i
came up with a plan

that i would pretend to be
the town germans' prisoner.

they would bring me
to the church.

and that way we could
infiltrate the ss,

and then just get
our town back.

yeah, but that
didn't happen

because the ss took me,

sent the town germans
out of the church.

they tied me up,
the ss tied me up.

then started interrogating me.
where's my bar

where did i move the bar
we want to drink!

that's what they kept on,

with anger
and stuff like that.

then started cutting me.

and on my alter ego,

i put a scar down
the right side of my face,

because this is the side

that was damaged
in real life on me.

there's one major difference
i found immediately

between mark's work and a lot
of other contemporary art

that i look at and see
and life, for that matter.

that is, particularly
when you're using dolls

or some kind of-- you're
re-photographing something,

there's generally a very strong
sense of irony in the work.

there's a distance.

and it's kind of
a little wink-winky.

like, i'm photographing dolls.
isn't that, you know,

funny or subversive
or clever or whatever.

and i just--

the thing that struck me
immediately about mark's work

is that there's no irony in it
as far as i can tell.

i mean, he's a very
clever guy, very smart,

but he's in the work.

he's not using the work
as a tool to do something else.

the work is him.

it's a very authentic
feeling to me,

which is a wonderful thing.

you don't see it that often.

so then,
back at my bar,

all the dolls
in my bar heard

that the ss had me tied up and
they were cutting me to ribbons

and beating me up.

so anna didn't want to wait
around for another brilliant plan

that the townspeople
had come up with.

so she took chris
and jacqueline

and traded their uniforms
for barbie clothes.

they went into town with
their hands behind their back.

each hand
was carrying a pistol.

and they waltzed into town.

anna grabbed my revolver
from the town german,

and the 3 of the girls
went into the church.

just like
precision surgeons,

they eliminated the ss.

they only wounded
the worst ss guy,

because they had plans
for him.

they wanted to save him
for later.

and anna came over
and she cut me down

and held me until
the jeep came

to pick us up and bring us
back to my bar.

her coming and saving me
from the ss

proved to me that
she loved me.

it proved to me that she felt
the same way i felt about her.

so the call went out to
all the town's barbies.

we did it before
and we can do it again

and we will do it again

we've got a heck
of a job to do

but who better
to see it through

we did it before
and we can do it again

and we will do it again

we're one for all
and we're all for one

we'll get to lickin'
before we're done

then svetlana takes a pistol
while the ss guy's still alive,

good old-fashioned eye for an eye,
tooth for a tooth sort of thing.

and still smiling,
the women of marwencol

had gotten
their revenge.

this is no town that you can
push over and take over.

this is what happens
to people who mess with us.

so this is my wife, anna.

when'd you guys
get married

march 26.

i still remember that, too.

i don't remember when
i got married in real life.

i mean, i remember that
it was 8-4, '84.

but i don't recollect
that wedding

as much as i recollect the one that
my alter ego got married to here.

and it's weird when i say
"my wife," you know.

it's like i remember saying that
back when i was married,

but it just-- it doesn't hold any,
you know-- i don't know.

anna's competition
is deja thorus,

the belgian witch
of marwencol.

she's competing
for my love.

deja thorus was in love
with me.

she's still in love
with me.

she can't get me, even though
she brought me back in time

so i wouldn't meet anna
and all that stuff.

but i did meet anna.
anna and i kissed.

and while we were connected
on our kiss,

we remembered all the love
we once had for each other,

so deja thorus' spell
was broken.

this is deja thorus'
time machine.

and i'm proud of it.

it was an old vcr that ate
one of my best porno tapes.

so i had to extract
the tape somehow.

so i took an mp3 player stand
and made that the seat.

and found an old cell phone
keypad on the roadway

when i was walking.

so i glued that on this thing
that i put there.

and before i knew it,
there it was, the time machine.

tod showed my stuff
in the city.

and he tells me that there's
a curator of an art gallery

that wants to display
my photos.

i did feel a very strong
responsibility

and a concern about,
you know,

will the show be too much

what if this leads to,
you know, attention

and it's bad for him
in some way

will the photographs look ok
will the space be ok

will he like the space
will he be comfortable here

will he make to the city

he hasn't been here
for a long, long time.

he hasn't been out of kingston
for a long, long time.

i'm happy about
the whole thing

except the talk of me taking
something so sentimental to me

and having it on display
100 miles away.

it's a very big decision
for me to make.

women want to meet
the artist.

they don't want to hear
that the artist couldn't make it.

they want to meet
the artist.

and, of course, if some
big spendy guy comes in

and he's looking
for something,

he has tons of money,
mad money,

and he wants to meet
the artist,

he doesn't want to hear,
oh, the artist couldn't make it,

he's too afraid
to come to the city.

yeah. so, i'm still afraid
to go to the city,

but that's where
courage comes in.

courage. i was taught that
courage is to face the thing,

to do the thing,

even though i have
such great fear of doing it.

anna comes back to town
and she's all pissy

'cause i didn't want to go.

'cause i have
mental problems.

i'm still disturbed
by the ss tying me up.

and to get a close-up
of her looking at me

and then scooting on over,
and now we're kissing.

so that's the whole
outcome of that.

it gets stranger
by the moment, doesn't it

218 pair...

of women's essence.

i mean, they wore these.

they scuffed them up, i can tell
if they were a smoker or not.

i should be a shoe
detective or something.

yep. some of these...

oh, none of these
are ones i've stole.

they were all given
to me by women.

they were.
i'm not kidding.

like, colleen gave me
a bag full of shoes.

colleen.

the first night we went home
to his apartment

when he got out
of the hospital,

he sees this whole
shelf of high heels.

and he says to me,

"do i have a girlfriend
that lives here "

and i said, "no".

and he says, "well,
what's with all the shoes

and i said, "well, mark,
those are your shoes.

"you buy them,
you collect them.

i think
you wear them".

if i tell people who i am
and what i'm about,

i'm true to myself.

that means i'm not
lying to myself.

what they do with that
is on them.

i'm not accountable
for their feelings

or how they perceive it,
make faces and stuff.

that's when i close in
and discover who i am.

and that's all part of
the finding out who i am

part of this new life,

second life i was given.

this is a b.a.r.
it's a browning automatic rifle.

it's .30 caliber.
it has a mean punch.

she's got two .45s.

i've got 2 six shooters
and one .45 shoulder holster.

when i walk the 2 miles
to the store...

when i feel apprehensive

and i look down at the jeep and
i know that they'll protect me.

it's dolls.

there's a lot
of firepower in there.

and i make sure i put
the correct weapons

with the most firepower
in there before i take my walks.

it's just in case.

people don't know
i'm disabled.

they don't know that
i don't think correctly.

they don't know that
i have psychological problems

like i'm always on guard,
always looking over my shoulder,

always worried about
being attacked again.

they just see me
on the outside.

outside, yeah, i'm trying
to act like a normal human

so i don't
get attacked again

by the stronger ones.

i figured i'd go out and see
what was going on in town.

while i'm focused in on
what's going on in my town,

this ss asshole
snuck up behind me.

and i don't hear him.

brings me back to town

where all
of his buddies are,

and five of them figured
they'd have a little fun with me.

and then it all
comes back again--

the attack, those five scumbags,
how bad i want to kill them.

i hope mark is not always
haunted by this experience,

but unfortunately,
this kind of thing

doesn't leave you
just because the case is over.

i don't know if i'll
start ripping them apart.

i don't know if
i'm gonna want to kill them.

and i don't know if it's gonna
take, like, 8 police officers

to shoot me.

there's no fair fighting person
that's been jumped on from behind

and every memory
kicked out of his head.

there's no etiquette
to fighting after that.

sorry, i get a little
angry and stuff

thinking about it.

after they get done
kicking and punching me,

they drag me in the church.

figured they'd have
further fun.

there's that asshole.
happy what he did.

he's like, "good.
kill that hogancamp".

so deja thorus sensed
that i was in danger.

so she hopped
in her time machine

and used it just
to transport herself

as fast as a plasma jet
of a blazar,

which travels at 99.9%
the speed of light.

like i imaged that
it happened in real life.

there she is.

my savior.

and then, in like a belgian
accent girl voice,

"oh, my love. why would
anybody do such a thing to you "

since i can't remember

what happened in the bar,
what led them to beat me up,

i was told that i told them
that i was a crossdresser.

so that's what
i have been told happened.

so i think they...

i believe they attacked me

because i mentioned
that i was a crossdresser.

we were in the bar.
the guy said

he was a crossdresser
and everything.

and i started figuring
out he was gonna get it.

i think freddy wanted
to beat his ass.

he was saying, "i have
no problems with anybody.

i have no problems
with anybody".

that guy didn't
do nothing to anybody.

i could tell he was
being set-up.

man.

when in doubt,
bring them all.

got to bring
this asshole.

i don't know if
i'll use all these,

but i bring them
anyway,

just in case.

i'm really, really attempting
to have a positive look--

outlook on everything.

but it's that subconscious
fear that i still have,

you know, about being
hurt again.

that's the biggest fear.

i don't want to get hurt

mentally or emotionally
or physically ever again.

so that's why, thank god,
there's that other voice in my head

that still didn't get broke
in that attack

that tells that side
that's so worried,

"hey, come on, don't think
about all that stuff.

"come on, give it a go, man.

do the show like you do
marwencol the story".

and since i was given
a second chance at life,

i want to live this
rest of my life to the fullest.

i'm gonna do things i've
always wanted to do

but was always
afraid to do.

i'm gonna do them now.

you know, like wear
pantyhose, wear a skirt,

you know, wear heels
and stuff.

it's just--
it's good feeling.

i mean, i haven't got up
the gumption to walk in public.

i don't know
how to be smooth.

that's my-- i mean, i don't know
if i want to look like james bond

or if i just want to look
like a hip artist.

i don't know.

but i'm representing myself
down there.

and i don't want to
wear anything stupid.

'cause the first impression
is a lasting impression.

you know, that's what leads me
all the way back to the suit.

but really-- what i'd
really like to wear

is that long chiffon
slit skirt.

but that's what
i'd like to wear

in my fantasy world.

these are meant for women's
dolls legs, but they fit mine.

my figure, 2 or 3 times i put
tights under his pants

just to see
how that felt.

and i was like, no,
i'm still--

i don't want to come out
of the closet in my town yet.

but my girls, they know me
better than i know me.

you're gonna let me loose in a
land of people that are like me--

greenwich village,

the weirdest place
on the planet,

where i could walk in high
heels and nobody would care.

some dude would say, "hey,
nice shoes". "thanks, man".

you know what i mean

"i like your shoes, too".

you know what i mean
it's, like, people like me.

nobody cares. they're all
artists and stuff down there.

so for me, it's gonna be
that's what i envisioned,

that's what i project.

i put them
like this.

you know, pull
the blanket over.

then make sure that
nobody's hanging off

and they're
all tucked in.

because
if they're happy,

it means
i'll sleep better.

i always see them.

they're the last things i see
before i close my eyes

and go to bed.

i love you.

that's just
how i say it.

out loud
so i can hear it.

that's how often
i get out from here

to see real women
that wear make-up.

and something
other than sneakers

and jeans or boots.

i'm nervous.

i'm super freakin' tired.

my energy level--
the batteries are low.

i couldn't sleep last night.

i'm thinking about this
and making lists and stuff.

you know, and i'm making
another list now this morning.

copying makes sure,

so writing it the second time,

you know, it's like, all right,
make sure i have everything.

i built marwencol for me,

for my therapy,

and now it's like everybody's.

like, everybody wants to--
everybody wants to

play in it or be part
of it and everything,

and i don't want all that.

it's like this is
the one last thing

that i don't ever want
taken from me.

and it seems like it is,

but theoretically it's not.

it's still mine.

it's still mine.

i expected 98% of people
in greenwich village

to be walking on the street
in big feathers,

and outfits, and...

i'm glad i have the ability

to escape into
a fantasy world.

i'm real glad that
i have that ability

because those guys,
i thought, took it away.

i thought they took away
my imagination

along with everything else.

and like i've been
fighting to get balance

and everything else back,
you know,

i fought for my imagination,
to get that back.

and that's when
marwencol started.

the more i built and
the more i played around,

you know, and bought
figures and stuff,

the more the story just
came alive in my head.

so... it's gonna
go there.

ok the big one

every time i see
marwencol the town,

it brings me right back
to when i started the town,

and how close and dear
it was to me,

and how much i wanted people
to know about my town

and to be part of my town.

that's why i started putting
people that i know in it,

is because i feel
so alone here.

and if i have an alter ego

from people that i know
in my town,

i can manipulate them,
make them do whatever i--

you know, i want.

and, you know, i'll be
surrounded by my friends.

now look right dead
in the camera.

what do you think
about this

that's a nice camera.

no, the artwork
we have to look at today.

oh.

there's no words.

i can't
think of anything.

it's a suit-and-tie
thing

- no, no.
- no, no, no, no.

you can wear what
you're wearing now.

see what everybody's...

yeah, this is what
i'll be wearing.

i want you
to be yourself.

you don't have to feel
like you have to dress up.

that's all. you can wear
whatever you want.

fucking man's shoes.

they look all right.

is my hair all right
and shit

yeah, you look
great, man.

i look like
a beatnik artist

there's definitely been a strong
response to his work.

what i really love is for
somebody to come along--

and a gallerist,
or a dealer, or a curator--

and say, "this is really
interesting work.

i'd like to help him
show it on a regular basis".

i think that
the really ideal thing

would be for him to know

that when he makes work
from now on out,

there are gonna be people
ready and waiting to see it.

i don't know what to say.

i don't know how
to speak to people.

they're big collectors,
they're big, important people,

but i have no idea
how to talk with them.

should i
be writing shit down

should i
photograph them what

you know, so the most i could do
to that big collector

was say, "you have nice shoes.
i like your shoes".

and she looked at me like,
"you're strange," you know

- sorry, ladies before gents.
- yeah, go ahead.

in europe they always
offer a cigarette.

that's the one.

i have 218 pair at home.

- really
- yeah.

pictures or
pairs of shoes

really shoes

oh, women's, man.

it's like, when i'm stuck
where the movie's going--

the movie--
where the story's going...

i slip on
a pair of heels,

and the characters
tell me

where the story's
going next.

hmm.

that's anna and i just
taking a ride yesterday.

who's anna

my wife.

see, the s.s. sent
somebody there to kill me,

and all the women
of marwencol

stabbed the crap
out of him.

and i make sure that i turn
that damn flash off...

oh, yeah.

'cause the flash takes
50% away from the photo.

oh, yeah.

not one picture did i take
of my show,

or of people hanging out
at my show,

or... just shoe shots.

i was like an elephant

left in charge of the peanuts.

that's good.
that's what he-- that's it.

all right, so long, ladies.

i went to his show,

and i sat there,
and i was looking,

and i was listening to people's
opinions about his stuff.

and i felt myself, like,
getting mad or defensive

about people who had
negative stuff.

like, the one guy: "oh, let's go
look at pictures of real war".

you know, like,
this is mark's real war.

my mind can't decide

what world to go for.

realistic world

but there's dangers out there.

people out there are so...

real.

and i don't understand
all that.

i feel safe
when i get in my town,

and it just takes
everything away.

i prefer...

to live in my world.

i want to live here
in marwencol.

my character in the story

had to create something
for himself

to deal with the trauma
that he still had

from being attacked by five s.s.,

and beaten, and kicked,
almost to death.

you know, so it was a lot
of wear and tear

on his mind and stuff, so...

you know, he found comfort

in building his own little
world, his own little town,

that's, you know,

peopled with little
1/6 scale dolls and figures

and stuff, and each
with a personality.

published 06/16/2013
@ www.podnapisi.net