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After an absence of 76 years,

the return of Halley's Comet creates an atmosphere

of excitement and anticipation.

Around the country, people wait in line at observatories

to get a better look at the comet

through powerful telescopes.

Since the beginning of mankind,

comets have evoked fear,

awe, and superstition.

It was thought that they were harbingers of disaster

and a sign of the wrath of an unpleased god,

that they foretold plagues,

the death of princes, and the fall of kingdoms.

In Switzerland, Halley's Comet was blamed

for earthquakes, illnesses, red rain,

and even the birth of two-headed animals.

What surprises will Halley's Comet have

in store for us today?

Are you sure you know where you're going?

Lay off. We've been here millions of times as kids.

Dad used to bring us here all the time.

Really? Why'd you guys stop coming here?

The place just got run down.

Like, illegal dumping, crime, bad people.

Really?

It's all cleaned up now.

Proposition 19.

85 million to protect wildlife and the coastal areas.

Just got passed a couple of years ago.

Proposition 19.

God, you're such a nerd, Ollie.

Stop it.

What are you going to do about it?

Look out!

That was close.

Oh, shit. Here he comes.

Well, blow me down. That was close.

I'm sorry, sir.

You ought to watch where you're going, kiddo,

or somebody's going to get hurt here.

Again, sorry, sir.

You here for the meteor shower?

Yes, sir.

Right, going to be a once-in-a-lifetime show.

So we keep getting told.

Good.

Are you a sailor?

Does I look like a cowboy?

No.

I am what I am.

And that's all I am.

Well, you know, you guys, you better behave yourselves now.

Otherwise, next time,

I might have to give you a little bump on the nose.

Okay.

Well, I should be going now.

Going to be good fishing tonight.

Thank you, sir.

I guess.

Hey, I think that's them.

Hey, guys.

Ow.

Good to see you.

Oh, wow. You have everything set up?

- Hey, I told you I would. - I'm not complaining.

Hey!

Where are Stevie and Mon?

Oh, you know those two. They're on their own time.

Hey, I want to check out the beach.

I'll be back in a minute.

Ollie, wait up. I want to see.

- You coming? - Yeah, sure.

We won't be long.

Okay.

How'd you get her to come?

It wasn't easy.

- What a princess. - Hey.

You know what I mean.

I know.

Love's a bitch.

And then, you marry one.

You got guts, man.

Hey!

What are you doing?

Skits! Skits, look!

Leave him alone.

Oh. Go, go!

Are you okay?

Are you crazy, Ollie? Those guys could have hurt you.

They were going to kill him.

Here, let me help you.

- Ah! - Here you go.

Meteors!

They're evil!

You need to go!

You sure you're okay?

You don't understand. You don't understand.

Bad things, real bad things are going to happen.

You need to go.

The comet.

The comet is evil.

You need to go. There's seeds. You need to go.

Okay. We'll think about it.

Don't think. Just go.

Go now!

We will.

Have you got a few bucks?

- What? - Have you got any cash?

He looks crazy.

Here, take this.

- Thanks. Thanks. - Go get yourself

something to eat.

You need to go.

You need to go.

We will.

What the fuck, Ollie? We're just giving money away now.

Hey, he needed a little help. Don't you feel good?

No.

What was all that stuff about evil and meteors?

He's crazy.

He had that book about meteors turning people into monsters.

What?

Killer comet.

Crazy old coot.

We should probably get back.

Probably.

Look, there it is.

Hey.

I hope it's everything they say it's going to be.

Oh, I'm sure it will be.

Right, Ollie?

Come on, let's go.

Where's she going?

Ah, she's been acting a little strange the last few days.

You don't say.

What was that all about?

Aye. She's definitely got something on her mind.

Hey, no disrespect, that could've got ugly.

I mean, what if they were packing dude?

I-- I know, dude.

I talked to her the other day.

I think this is gonna be good for her.

Gets her head out of the books for a change.

It's only the last few days she's been acting weird.

You think she's okay?

Yeah. She's fine.

Maybe it's the comet.

Yeah. Before you know it, she becomes a monster.

She starts fighting everyone.

- Like that chick from Alien. - From Alien!

Fucking good movie, dude.

- Fucking good movie. - Seriously, though.

She got into MIT. It's a big deal.

I know.

Hey, maybe she's just nervous, you know?

She's not going to be the smartest one

in the room anymore.

Are you trying to say we're all stupid?

No.

She's just the smartest in your family.

- Ah. - Yeah.

Well, she's going to have to toughen up a bit,

which could be a good thing.

So what about you, stud?

What do you mean?

I mean, all-star quarterback, dating the head cheerleader.

- Oh, come off it. - Life's good, isn't it?

Just because you didn't get in the team, dude.

Oh, fuck you.

I'll bring you down, son.

You-- you really dig Lizzie, huh?

Yeah, man. She's a babe.

She's cool as fuck.

I get it. I get it.

You ever get bored?

What do you mean?

I mean, you've been with Cyla for fucking ever.

It's called love, man.

She's special.

You're such a dick.

I'm just fucking with you, man.

Come on. That's what friends do.

You mess with the bull, young man, you get the horns.

That was so bad. So bad.

I have a really good feeling about tonight, though.

I think it's going to be amazing.

Because everyone's been telling us, man.

Once in a lifetime.

You know it.

We should probably get back, though.

They're probably wondering where we are.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

- Life moves pretty fast. - Stop.

You know, stop and look around once in a while, well...

Jesus.

You can miss it.

That was so bad. Again. Again.

Ollie!

Come on. We're heading back!

Fuck.

I hope Stevie's arrived.

Oh, my God. Me too.

If he ain't carrying,

I'm going to stab him in the eye.

He's always carrying.

I-- You know, I'm going to be puffing like a choo-choo train.

Calm down, Spicoli.

- Let's get the hell out of here. - Out of here.

Well, there'll be good fishing tonight.

So, have you told anybody yet?

No.

Okay.

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

I'll say something tonight.

Okay.

It's just, you know, MIT.

I mean, that's a serious opportunity.

I know.

Okay.

- Three, two, one. - Look.

Told you.

You win. You win.

Hey, maybe you could replace them with robots.

Let's not overreach.

I was thinking trained monkeys?

What's that?

I think I cut myself.

No. The noises.

Yeah, listen.

- Boo! - Jesus! Fuck!

Oh, what up?

Heya!

My God.

I think I just shit myself.

Looks like we came just in the nick of time.

Hey, you carrying?

Does a wild bear shit in the woods, my friend.

That's just what I want to hear right now.

Looks like you could use a little medication.

♪ Don't be afraid, let the dark consume you ♪

♪ Hello boys, do you reckon right [indistinct] ♪

♪ Let it out and fall to me ♪

♪ Run into the blue sky, you're so empty ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Huh.

No... No...

I'm telling you, when you're gone, you're gone.

Uh, reincarnation?

- What do you think? - You're the future scientist.

I don't believe in reincarnation.

And I didn't in my past life either.

So stupid.

You all right, Ollie?

I don't think I want to do it.

- Do what? - MIT.

Why?

I want to take a couple of years.

Do some traveling.

I'm tired of playing it safe.

You're the one that said I need to toughen up.

Live life. Right?

To a new life, Ollie,

one must fuck death in the gallbladder.

And Dad is going to be pissed.

I can always reapply.

Go back.

And it's your life.

You have to do what you want.

Hey, you only live once.

Well, I'm still trying to figure that out.

So stupid.

I've got your back. Don't worry.

Hey, what have we got here?

Aye.

Looks like we got ourselves a sailor boy.

Hey, sailor boy. Good night, me hearty.

Well, blow me down.

Come on. Tell us, Stevie.

All right, all right.

Gather round. Gather round.

So, I was visiting Scotland a couple of years ago.

And it was really, really late one night.

So, I'm walking up these extremely old steps.

And they're going up towards this castle.

And I'm going up and up.

It's like 2 AM and coming down towards me

there's this really old lady.

And I mean old.

And she's looking at me.

Looking at me like she knows me.

And I'm just trying to get back to the hotel.

So I keep walking, head down.

She stops me.

She's wearing one of those capes,

you know, the cloaks with the hoods.

And I mean, she is ancient.

She looks at me.

She says, "Is your name Stevie?"

And I'm like, you know, I'm from the other side of the world.

Nobody knows me here.

It's 2 AM and this is happening.

So, I'm freaking out.

But I'm like, "Yeah, my name's Stevie."

She says, "I know who you are."

I'm like, "How can you know who I am?

We've never met before."

She says...

"I met you in a past life."

I'm like, "What? Are you crazy?"

She says, "When I was young, I met you.

And you were a wolf."

And I'm like, "Come on. Is this a joke?

Did somebody put you up to this?" She says, "No.

You were a wolf and you were killed by a horse.

I watched it happen."

And now I'm intrigued, I say, "Go on."

She says, "You were running.

And a horse kicked you.

And you died."

And I'm looking at her like, no way.

She says, "It happened.

The horse kicked you behind your ear.

Go on.

Feel behind your left ear."

So, I feel behind my left ear.

You know what? The strange thing is...

Feel here.

Oh, my Go-- You asshole!

Doodie!

You had me there, dude. You had me.

That was pretty funny.

Fuck.

- Fuck! - Giant sailor killed Spike!

Like a giant fucking sailor!

What the fuck are you doing here?

You gotta go! You gotta go, man.

What was that?

- Just some fucking tweaker. - Tweaker?

Yeah, they were at the beach earlier.

Oh, this is great.

What giant sailor?

It could be that old sailor guy from earlier.

Yeah, what sailor?

We ran into him on the way here.

Literally ran into him.

He's like 80.

He's harmless. Tweaker's tripping.

Maybe we should be on the lookout for an Indian

and a motorcycle cop.

Don't forget a cowboy and a builder.

Must be some good shit. We should track him down.

So stupid.

Guys, let's not let this ruin our night.

Remember? Once in a lifetime.

I'll second that.

So we're just gonna act like it didn't happen?

Yep.

On that note, gotta drop the kids off at the pool.

Thanks for letting us know.

You're welcome. Where is it?

- I think it's that way. - Thanks.

Anyway, we got some business to attend to.

Do they ever stop?

I don't think so.

That druggy guy scared me.

Hey, trust me, he's gone.

You've got nothing to worry about.

And...

I told you I didn't want to come.

- I hate camping. - Hey, it's one night.

It's historic, remember?

That's what everyone's saying.

Historic, huh?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Go on, then.

Give me some sugar, baby.

♪ Oh, what do you do with a drunken sailor ♪

♪ Oh, what do you do with a... ♪

♪ What do you do with... ♪

♪ What do you do with a drunken sailor ♪

♪ What do you do ♪

♪ Early in the morning ♪

♪ Way up she rises, way... ♪

♪ Up she rises, way... ♪

No!

So cool.

This won't happen again until 2061.

It's the Dutch Trail.

That's what we're looking at.

The meteors?

Some are traveling at a 130,000 miles per hour

He is the Terminator of fucking.

Oh, I love that movie.

- You've seen it? - Seen it. Love it.

We just saw it on video.

You know, they're going to make a sequel.

Nah, it'll never be as good.

- Impossible. - Forget that.

- Critters is out today. - Today?

Yeah, you've seen the trailer?

Little monster from space.

Whoa, did you see that?

- Yeah. - It landed right over there.

Look, there's another one.

I want to take a look.

- Where's Stevie? - Probably lost.

You guys go check out your meteor.

We'll check on Stevie.

- You sure? - Sure.

Well, what about them?

Trent!

Lizzy!

We're going to go off on a walk.

I don't think they're listening.

Okay, let's go.

Not so hard.

Trent, too hard.

Original director and Dennis Hopper set?

Wow, I can't wait.

- You know what's crazy? - What?

Stevie told me that in the UK, the first one is illegal.

You can go to jail for having it.

- No. - Seriously, they have this

list of banned films called the video nasty list or something.

You're making this up.

- Honestly! - Come on.

No, some Bible bashers put it together

because it wasn't in line with her beliefs.

You're winding me up.

- The UK? - Jail time duty.

It's crazy.

Whoa. Another one.

So now that you've been thinking about taking some time out,

do you ever think about other things?

Like what?

You know, other things.

It's not my priority right now.

When the time is right.

When's that?

I don't know.

Look.

Check it out!

Whoa.

Don't touch it, it'll burn your hand clean off!

I wasn't going to.

It's like you and God got together just to impress me.

- That is exactly what I did. - Yeah?

Me and the big man are tight.

Is that normal?

You'd have to ask your sis about that one.

I think I see Stevie's legs.

I think he's passed out.

- In the outhouse? - Yeah.

Oh, that is horrible.

Oh. The smell...

- That is bad. - Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

What? What?

What the fuck?

Whoever did this might still be here.

Who did this?

I don't know. We've got to get back to camp now.

Come on!

There's something I really want to tell you.

I think I know what you're going to say.

Mon?

- Did you hear that? - Yeah. Yeah.

Ollie?

It's me, it's me.

Mon-- Mon's dead.

- What? - Mon's dead!

A meteor-- a meteor, through her head.

What is it?

- Stevie's dead. - What?

- Someone killed him. - No.

Someone ripped his head off.

They shit down his neck.

Look, we all get back to camp.

We get the car keys and we get the fuck out of here, okay?

- Okay. - Everyone, quietly.

Stop.

- What? - Sh.

Is that...

the old guy from before?

- What happened to him? - Sh.

- Is that-- - Lizzy?

I don't think so.

- Oh, no. - Shh.

The keys are in my bag.

I'm going to sneak around.

Run back and get them.

- Wait. - What?

What if anything happens to you?

You and Ollie just keep running. Don't look back.

Try and find help.

I should go.

- What? - I should go.

Your clothes. He'll see you.

No.

Yes. I'm doing this.

If anything happens, no matter what,

everyone meet at the car.

- You heard that, right? - Yeah.

You get in that car and go.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey!

Oh, oh my...

Oh my God.

The car's wrecked. What are we going to do?

- We'll walk it out. - Cas, where's Cas?

- I don't know. - Oh, my God.

- We have to find him. - We will.

Oh my God. That old sailor.

- That monster. - Shh.

This way.

- I need to stop. - Okay. Just for a minute.

We're not going to make it, are we?

Of course we are.

I don't know if I can do this.

Hey, get it together.

We'll get through this.

- What about Cas? - Hey.

Hey.

He mentioned earlier something about

an old industrial area nearby.

It's pretty dangerous up there.

- What do you mean? - It's an old dumping ground.

It's private property.

But isn't it near a main road?

- That's it. - But--

- Cas. That's where he's gone. - Are you sure?

There's old workshops right by there.

He's probably found help.

Come on. Let's go.

Ah!

Come on. Let's go.

Ah!

Hey!

Cas? Cas?

Cas?

Cas?

Baby.

I'll find you.

I'll find you.

Hello?

Hello?

Anybody there?

Hello?

Can you help me?

Please, sir. I need help.

There's a man trying to kill me.

What are you saying?

Please, sir.

There's a man... a man.

He's killing everybody.

You on drugs?

Let me get a look at you.

Please, sir.

Just a child.

- You smoke that shit? - No, sir.

Nobody's killing anybody around here.

You're safe here.

Here.

What's back there?

I'll be asking the questions, child.

Tell me what happened.

Something happened to him.

- Who? - The sailor.

- What? - An old sailor.

An old sailor dog?

I don't know what happened to him.

He's like a mutant.

Are you sure you ain't smoking that shit?

He killed Cas.

- Who? - My brother.

What's your name, child?

Ollie.

Well, Ollie.

Nobody's gonna get you here.

You don't understand.

Oh, I understand just fine.

What do you mean?

Not this time.

1973. We just survived an ambush.

There was only three of the squad left.

I remember reaching for Charlie.

He was handing me his last grenade.

Must be the way his body was lying.

I could hear them laughing.

Coming to check on their handiwork.

But then...

A Navy destroyer shelled the whole area.

Must have thought we was all dead.

Just like tonight.

It rained down dead.

Phosphorus.

Burned right through you it will.

You gotta cut it out of your skin as it burns

right down to the bone.

Well, the smoke cleared.

And everybody's dead.

Made me the man I am today.

Nobody fucks with me today.

I'm sorry.

Ain't you a foe, child?

Only the dead saw the end of that war.

What are we going to do?

What are we gonna do?

Might be time to introduce this old sailor to Bernice.

Who's Bernice?

Say hello to Bernice.

Fuck me.

Goddamn raccoons.

I don't think that's raccoons.

Stay here.

I'll be right back.

No.

Here's to you, Willie Peter.

Ah!

Ollie.

Ollie.

Ollie. Ollie.

Shit.

Ollie. Ollie.

Ah!

Ah!

Fuck you, sailor.

Ah!

Ollie. Ollie. Ollie.

Ollie.

Get away from her, you prick.

Shiver me timbers.

Ah!

That feels [indistinct].

Ah!

Not so fast.

I likes to touch.

I just can't take it no more.

That's one hell of a chainsaw.

It's not a chainsaw.

Chainsaws are for children.

- What is this? - I think it's a Johnson.

Jesus, fuck.

It's a goddamn bloodbath.

We're there too.

Zanaletto.

Oh!

We got nothing, Arthur.

Nothing?

We took the old man and the punk.

We're gonna need more clean up down here.

- Where's the girls? - Back there.

Good evening, folks.

You're listening to the Night Shift on Wicked Radio.

We've got quite an interesting topic to discuss tonight.

The series of gruesome murders that took place

in Northern California a few weeks ago.

Our lines are open, so who's calling?

Hey, Bruce, this is Wes.

I've been following the news about those murders,

and it's seriously messed up, man.

Hey, Wes. What do you make of it?

From what I heard, some mutant sailor was

responsible for the massacre.

Ripping heads off and everything.

And guess what? It all happened on the night of

that meteor shower during Halley's Comet.

Yeah, I remember the reports mentioning the comet.

Do they think this mutant creature truly exists?

There were two survivors.

One of them even lost a hand in the attack.

It's messed up. The girl who lost her hand

claims she killed the mutant sailor

using a meteor-powered saw.

Must have been smoking some of

that wacky-backy, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, I hear you. But here's the kicker.

The police can't find the sailor's body anywhere.

It's almost like this whole thing is

one big urban legend.

But hey, it seems like there's some strange happenings

going on in New York now, too.

I've been hearing reports of identical murders.

Whoa, hold up.

Are you saying that the mutant sailor is on the loose again?

Same M.O. Heads getting ripped off, the whole shebang.

It's like a twisted sequel to what happened in California.

Absolutely. If any of our listeners out there

have any thoughts or insights into these bizarre murders,

give us a call at 800-454-8000.

We'd love to hear your take on it.

It's definitely a crazy story.

You got that right, Wes.

Thanks, Bruce.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

And let's hope we get some answers soon.

Take care.

Groovy.

Chainsaws are for children.

Ollie?

Ollie!

That was pretty funny.

Looks like we came just in the nick of time.

Oh, look.

Now's the time to introduce this sailor to Bernice.

The comet. The comet, it's evil!

Well, there'll be good fishin' tonight.

Shiver Me Timbers.