Original subtitles

[intro music]

[Frank] Now, nobody's saying the Chatsworth Estate

is the Garden of Eden,

but it's been a good home to us.

To me, Frank Gallagher, and me kids, who I'm proud of,

cos every single one of 'em reminds me a little of me.

They can all think for themselves, which they've me to thank for.

Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite,

which is why nobody calls him Phillip anymore.

Ian, a lot like his mam,

which was handy for the others when she disappeared into thin air.

And Carl. We daren't let him grow his hair for two reasons.

One, it makes it stand on end and makes him look like Toyah.

Two, nits love him.

[Frank] Debbie, sent by God, total Angel.

You've to check your change,

but she'll go miles out of her way to do you a favour.

Plus, lickle Liam, who's gonna be a star someday.

Monica, the wife.

She's back with her bird in tow.

And we can't get shot of her.

And the neighbours, eh... The neighbours.

Well, what can you say?

Well, nothing, if you don't want your arms breaking.

Still, nobody's perfect.

But, all of 'em, to a man, know first and foremost

one of the most vital necessities in life is:

they know how to throw a party. [chuckles]

Scatter!

[Norma] Geniophobia means fear of chins.

I mean, how mental is that?

There are enough people in the world scared of chins,

that someone bothered to invent a word for it.

I mean, at least be scared of something rational.

Like, uh, kebab shops.

Or that meat paste you used to have in your sandwiches for packed lunch.

Only thing I'm scared of is losing my Mon.

Monophobia, probably.

And that's a big one.

Trouble is... fear can make you do irrational things.

-Frank! -Huh? What the--

Three little words.

Just three little words.

Pink... Ladies... Jacket. [crying]

That's what you promised me!

December the 1st, 1979, outside the ABC, and did I ever get one? No!

What... What the fuck you on about, Monica?

You've let me down me whole life!

-That's all you've ever done! [sobbing] -[Frank crying out]

You snorting your HRT again?

Oh, that's right.

Blame it on my hormones, just like you always do!

I mean, you know, pink jacket?

I mean, what the fuck are you going on about, Monica?

I'm just half-awake here and you're, "Neh, neh, neh, neh!"

-It makes you understand OJ fucking-- -I don't feel wanted, Frank!

-Oh, God! Give it a fucking rest! -[Monica] I don't feel loved!

-When you chose me instead of Sheila, I-- -I didn't choose you. I chose her.

[dramatic music]

Anyway... I'm still sleeping with Norma.

Yeah? Good on you, Bird.

You told him, then? Hey, I knew you would.

So, what d'you think of that, then, eh, Frank?

Not quite the king dick you thought you was, eh?

[Norma chuckles]

Oh, shut up, Norma!

Why d'you always have to be there every time I turn round?

Five, six, seven, ten.

Thank you, love. Come on, love. Bye.

[customer] Hey, this ain't right.

[Yvonne] Thanks a lot, love.

Thank you.

-Ian says you wanted some-- -Shh. Follow me.

-[Lip] Have you got a job for me? -[quietly] This way. Come on.

Come on, hurry up.

Where are you taking me, Yvonne?

-[telephones ringing] -[indistinct chatter]

-[Lip] What's all this about? -Call centre.

Subcontracted it from Mumbai Telecom.

They can't keep the staff over there.

Who can blame 'em?

Being shouted at all day by pig-thick customers from over here

who think they're God.

No amount of money's worth that.

So, what are you saying?

The calls go via India then get re-routed back here?

Yeah. Nice little earner.

Got trouble with me IT, though. These computers are shite.

I'll give ya ten quid an hour if you sort 'em out for me.

How does it go again, Yvonne, with the phones?

[Yvonne] For God's sake, Lilian.

You answer the call.

You make out you're Indian, pretending to be English.

And every now and then, chuck summat in about the weather.

Or curry.

Or whatever you've had for your lunch.

Something that sounds English.

[telephones ringing]

Nadia'll show you what's wrong with computers.

-[telephone rings] -Oh!

[in Indian accent] Hello? Yes.

I am being very happy to hear from you.

Fish and chips.

It's a good job I'm only paying her Mumbai rates.

[Nadia] Excuse me.

Uh... They won't let us put the data into them properly.

Right. D'you wanna show me?

Right.

Right, what I thought we'd do,

[clears throat] Mon, was, um...

uh, we'd... go out,

just you and me,

and, and talk.

And eat.

[Monica] What with, Frank?

Well, I...

What are you doing, Monica?

Have you seen this, Frank?

Have you seen what Norma got me?

Twenty-eight years I've waited for you to get me one of these,

and Norma goes and gets it for me just like that.

Well, give her a peanut!

Hey!

Are you calling me a monkey?

The point I'm making, Frank, is that Norma puts herself out for me.

[sighs] She buys me things.

[chuckles] Well, if a fucking jacket's all it takes--

Oh, you just watch your mouth!

Oh, now piss off, Shrek!

-What? -[Frank grunts]

[Frank mumbles] Fucking hell!

And that impresses you, does it?

[sighs sadly] That what you want?

[Monica] What I want, Frank,

is somebody who will fight for me,

and make me feel wanted.

[panting]

[Lip] Okay.

-So... -Your name's Lip, isn't it?

Yeah. How d'you know that?

I think I've just...

[telephone rings]

Maybe I've seen you around.

-I wish I could say the same. -[Nadia chuckles shyly]

-How's it going? -Yeah.

Sweet.

No sweat.

Should be able to get this sorted.

[Ian] Right.

See ya later.

[Indian-style music]

D'you think it'll take long to sort out?

Well... computers are... pretty tricky things.

[telephone rings]

-[knock at door] -[door opens]

Are you okay?

Yeah, course I am.

-"Are you okay?" Course I'm okay! -[both chuckle]

Don't let her get to ya.

She's only sleeping with Norma cos she buys her things.

She's doing it for the money.

And Norma's got a wallet-full at the moment.

Back in the game, kid.

Back in the game.

[suspense music]

[anticipatory music]

[creaking]

[Norma gasps, grunts]

What the hell you doing, Frank?

-I...Sorry, I thought I heard a noise. -Fuck off, you did!

-What you doing, creeping round and... -What?

-Rape. -What?

[screams] Rape!

-[Frank grunting] -[Norma breathing heavily]

What did you do that for?

It's all about bottle for you blokes, isn't it?

When the fuck will you learn that no means no?

Fuck you got a gun for?

For when I'm on the road and bastard truckers try and jump us.

What, someone's tried?

-[Frank grunts] -[Norma] Shut up!

And... get your pants off.

-[Frank grumbles] Don't fuck me. -[Norma] Oh, shut up.

It's for, for forensics. I'm taking you down the nick.

[siren wails]

[beeping]

[car alarms sounding]

[Debbie] For God's sake! Liam, come back.

[tyres screeching]

[muffled grunting]

Come on, I'm bleeding to fucking death here.

Ah, shut it, Frank.

[muffled] Help!

[Frank whimpering]

[muffled] Norma!

[Norma] Oh, for fuck's sake! Help! Help, open up!

[sirens wailing]

[Stan] Stand back, there. Let's have a bit of room now.

Come on, let's have a little bit of room. Yes. Little--

I'm saying me homework blew up.

This is the third one this week. It has gotta be a campaign.

Nah, it's just kids.

You know what they're like - bored. Get the bangers out.

This is no way just kids, Stan.

Co-ordinated attacks.

-This could be serious. -No.

[Debbie yells] Right! We asked you to stay back.

We've got live explosives here, so unless you wanna lose a limb...

[male patron] Pint, Karen, love.

Karen, customers.

Who's in charge here?

I'm exhausted. Kids and them fireworks.

Haven't had a wink of sleep for nights.

That's not fireworks. Just been another one right outside yours.

-What do you mean? -[Micky] Police everywhere.

Sniffer dogs, the lot.

Oh, my God!

-We're under attack! -What's all the ballyhoo?

Bomb's has gone off or something, somewhere near yours.

[Paddy] Christ!

Bit old for a midnight feast, aren't ya?

Have you turfed any pans out? I've lost something.

-Your marbles, by the looks of it. -[Paddy] No!

It's just a thing I have... lost.

It's a wee bit important!

I've misplaced...

[stammers] The thing I've mis... [sighs]

misplaced...

My Semtex. I've lost my Semtex.

You've had Semtex in this house!

You promised never again, Paddy.

It took ages for me eyebrows to grow back

after that fertiliser went off in the airing cupboard.

The Semtex isn't mine.

Remember those two guys who came round with the salmon?

They're not my cousins.

Who are they?

I've gotta do a job... with them. Crack a safe.

Payback for the old days. Hmm.

I mean, I wouldn't have had it in the cupboard otherwise, would I?

[yells] What the hell am I supposed to do?

[tense music]

[sighs]

Mmm!

Did you hear?

There's another one gone off outside the bus station this morning.

[Carrie] We're already on to it.

-Stan's volunteered to help. -[Stan] We're doing surveillance.

We're just off out now.

[breathing heavily]

I have come to report an attempted rape.

Oh, well, Stan's your man.

Man of the world. I'd be useless, y'know, women's stuff, all that.

Uh, you'd better take this one, Stan.

Well, I'll need a WPC, though, to take a statement.

-Carrie? -Grand. Well, we'll see you later so...

I'll do your surveillance for ya. Good luck.

Ho, ho, ho. You gonna pay attention or what?

I am a vulnerable woman.

[dramatic music]

Mum? How d'you spell emphysema?

-What's that you've got? -Sick note.

Ask your father.

He's not 'ere.

Or look in the dictionary.

But, I don't know how you spell it.

-[Monica groans] -Oh, fucking hell!

[tuts] Oh!

[sighs]

Frank?

[muffled groaning]

[Ian] You're a bit keen, aren't ya? It's only eight.

Yeah, well... Said I'd look at that laptop for Nadia.

-Right. [chuckles] -Fuck off!

Fancy her, do ya?

I'm with Mandy, in case you haven't noticed.

Yeah, but, y'know, gorgeous girl, what bloke wouldn't, eh?

Well, except you, obviously.

[chuckles] For Christ's sake, Lip, keep up!

Nadia's a bloke.

[laughs] Naz! I thought you knew.

-Fuck off! -Well, everybody else does.

I thought the name would have given it away.

D'you never watch Big Brother?

[telephone ringing]

Oh, and you think that's funny, do ya?

-Why didn't you stop me? -Stop what?

Flirting with her, f--

It's disgusting.

-You what? You what, Lip? -[breathing heavily]

You don't joke about stuff like that.

Should have fucking known.

Hiya, Lip.

Look, just stay away from me!

-[kid screaming] -Outside, please!

This is confidential police business.

Are we really allowed to bug people's phones, though?

[scoffs] How else are we gonna find out what piece of scum's

trynna blow this estate up?

You think they're gonna talk about it over the phone?

-[distorted voices through headphones] -Shh! It's incoming.

[Michael on phone] Am I speaking to an angling man?

Oh, it's, uh, it's cousin Michael, is it?

Sorry about that, Michael.

-Bit of noise here. -[Michael] Water's calm tonight.

What's that, Michael? Sorry, Michael.

-[Michael] The water's calm tonight. -Tonight?

[Michael] Bring your tackle.

Right.

[Paddy sighs]

Shit! Fuck! Shit! Shit! Shitty shit! Shit! Shit!

[cries out]

Mickey, that stuff I gave ya to get shot of... Semtex.

What have you done with it?

I buried it.

Listen, I want it back.

But you said you didn't want it in the house ever again.

It's not your dad's. Belongs to his... "cousins".

They need it tonight,

so fucking un-bury it before they bury your dad. All right?

-[grunts] Move, dickhead. -[Monica whimpers]

Debbie, love, have you seen your dad?

He ran off with the milkman.

He's never up this early and the Dormobile's not there either.

Ah, maybe he ran off with Norma, the love they couldn't fight.

-[laughs] -[Monica sighs]

Right, so he tried to rape you, but somehow you got his pants?

[sighs] Women unite!

Reclaim the nights!

Hey, I know self-defence, me.

Wouldn't have to if you lot did your jobs properly.

What the fuck!

Of, f...

So? Where is he then?

Well, I don't know.

No one's seen either of them and I'm not happy about it.

Hiya.

I don't know.

Nothing but dramas in this house.

Come on, Ian. What am I supposed to have done?

I was just angry, all right?

Nadia, 'kin 'ell, doesn't exactly fit the Trade Description Act, does it?

"But it's disgusting!"

What, just cos it's a bloke who fancies ya?

No.

That's what you said, though, innit?

D'you know, Lip, you're the only person in this place who I thought understood.

Fuck's sake, Ian.

You just don't get it, do ya?

I was the one who kept this a secret for you for all this time.

Yeah, I wonder why!

What? Okay, come on, let's go.

Let's down the pub and tell everyone you're gay, shall we?

Is that what you want?

Piss off, they'd fucking kill me, you know they would.

-Fuck you, Lip! -Yeah, you want to.

[groans]

-[Debbie] What's going on? -What you's fighting for?

Get out, will ya!

[groans]

Serves you right for flirting with another girl then.

Sorry, boy. Wasn't it?

Yeah, well, how would you like it if another girl came on to you?

Wouldn't bother me.

Anyway, I've snogged loads of girls.

Oh, come on.

Quickest way to turn a lad on is pretending to be a lesbian.

Or haven't you noticed?

Anyway, you shag me up the arse.

-Yeah, but that's different. -Is it?

You need to sort this out with Ian.

Well?

Look, Debs.

There's some things you don't know.

-That you might-- -I know you're gay, Ian.

It's obvious.

You haven't exactly got girlfriends coming out of your ears, have ya?

And you can dance.

-Does Carl know too? -[Carl] Yeah.

[smirks]

[Debbie] He doesn't care, Ian.

And neither do I.

[Ian] Pity Lip don't feel the same.

[anticipatory music]

-[grunts] -[thud]

It's funny, isn't it...

being...

cooped up here in this...

tiny space...

together.

-Makes you feel kinda-- -Bored? Yeah, I know.

[sighs]

Why d'you think I put in for a transfer?

A mate of mine in Nottingham gets riots twice a week.

The best we get is a tent.

Yes, a-and you say that, but...well, look at us here!

-Tapping the phone! -[indistinct voices through headphone]

Listen!

-[indistinct voices continue] -Bingo!

-[indistinct voices continue] -[sighs]

-[sirens wailing] -[tyres screeching]

[Carrie] That's it there.

-Let's bust 'em! -[SWAT team leader] Stay back, sweetheart.

You've done your bit. Now leave it to the pros.

[Carrie] What? [grunts]

This can't be right. It's Yvonne's shop.

-Police! [yelling indistinctly] -[screaming]

What the fuck d'you think you're doing?

Arresting a terrorist cell. Now, get your head down!

-Quiet, everyone. Calm down! -[telephones ringing]

Don't know what you're doing with that, do ya?

Dad's gonna fucking kill us, d'you know that?

I'll open it for you, you dickhead.

Buried it over here.

-Over there! -What a bastard.

[newsman]] And, despite the ongoing investigation,

police are no closer to catching the bombers.

In other news, local journalist and broadcaster, Tariq Omar,

received a special award for his interview with Osama Bin Laden.

How he gained access to Bin Laden, America's most wanted terrorist,

is a secret he refuses to divulge.

Bin Laden, who the White House say could be anywhere in the world,

hasn't been seen since he was spotted in the stands...

-[gasps] -[siren wails]

Right. So, um...

I think we can rule out the claim that you're the world's most wanted man.

[barely audibly] Stan, come on!

[Stan] But that leaves a much more serious complaint.

Ms Starkey alleges that you tried to rape her.

Have you seen her? Yourself?

In person?

Miss Starkey alleges that you broke into her van...

My van! Not broken, the door was open.

In the early hours of the morning and...

What were you doing, Frank?

-I was... I was just-- -Cos, if you didn't actually touch her--

No, I didn't.

-Well, then-- -Well, I mean, I did, you know, but...

[stammers] I... I only wanted to get my hands on her...

on, on, on something that she had that I wanted.

F... look, the, the, I mean...

[sighs] All right.

I did touch her, you know, but just, just a little bit.

Just... just here.

Norma Starkey is pressing charges of attempted rape,

so you'll be taken to court this afternoon to plead, pending a trial.

"No" means "no", Frank. This is serious. You could get ten years.

[dramatic music]

[cheering, whistling from TV]

Oh! So, there you are!

I don't suppose it occurred to you that I've been worried sick all day?

[Norma stammers] Monica...

There's something I need to tell you.

Frank's...

Frank... He tried to rape me.

Don't be so ridiculous, Norma. What a stupid thing to say.

No, no, no. No, it's true, right, Mon.

Last night, he, uh, he--

came into the van and he...

he touched us.

You're not his type, Norm.

Anyway, why should he want to do that when he's got me?

Although, he very nearly didn't the time you two have been gone.

I've been so hungry.

I haven't been able to eat anything all day.

-I've been that churned up. -[stammers] But, Mon, right, right, he...

[tuts] Norm, isn't it nice, eh, just you and me

in the house...

Frank not here?

[groaning] Ooh!

[stammers] So... so, you, you want me to get you some food then?

That'd be nice. [giggles]

And you've got a proper kitchen to use, an'all.

I'll just, uh... finish watching my programme.

[applauding on TV]

[Shane panting] It's not here, Micky!

It's not 'ere!

It's not there and it's not pissing there. What the fuck did you do with it?

[Micky] I handed it in.

[Tom] Hello, there. What can I do for you?

[growls] And you say I'm the stupid one!

[Micky] Ah, get off me. You're hurting me.

Which organisation do you work for?

It's some kind of car insurance, I think.

We don't really--

-Which terror organisation? -Come again?

Who gives you your orders of where to bomb?

It's a fucking call-centre!

Where's my one phone call?

You don't get another sentence out of me till my lawyer gets here.

Let's try again.

You claim you're innocent,

so explain to me why you were on the phone today

ordering deadly poison.

-I never. -Got you on tape!

Your voice. Your phone line.

Ordering Ricin.

Oh, no. I know what that was.

It was all that talk about lunch made me hungry,

so I rang me friend, Ginditra, at Mumbai Telecom.

Before you serve the chicken jalfrezi,

mix in a little bit of garam masala and fresh coriander.

Lovely.

And sprinkle a little bit on top.

I'll have to get some rice in.

[indistinct chatter]

[Tom] Okay, ladies, so would you all like to just go back to work now.

-You must be fucking joking! -[Carrie] Hey!

There's a fine for that kind of language!

Yeah, and how about unlawful arrest, police harassment

-and racial discrimination? -Yes, but sh...

-There's no need for anyone to get their-- -What?

Six-figure compensation for emotional distress

and loss of earnings?

I can have your balls on a plate.

Not if I get them first.

[sighs] Stan, me old mate.

Can I have a word?

[Stan] Well?

Bored! Bored! Bored!

Roll on my transfer.

[Stan] You made the fucking bombs?

Well, you don't want her to transfer, do ya?

And I hadn't logged the stuff in,

so I, I looked up how to make 'em on the internet.

It's dead easy, but...

it's all gone a little bit wrong now.

-What, you're telling me? -Oh, don't grass us up, Stan.

I just thought... I wanted to give her a bit of excitement, you know?

But... If, if Yvonne makes the complaint, they'll find out it was me

and I'll lose me job!

And you'll be implicated, too.

And then we'll all be in the shit!

All right.

But, I want all your shifts with Carrie for the next two months.

Days and nights.

[sighs]

You have fucking proper pickled my head, you.

Why have you had us digging for an age

if you knew Semtex weren't there in the first place?

Cos I thought you'd grass me up.

Who to?

To Mam and Dad cos you're a spiteful bastard.

Dad's gonna fucking kill us, you know that?

Why? It was me that did it.

Yeah, but I'll get the blamed, Mickey, I always do! You know I will!

-Shh! -[mumbles] You know I will.

[indistinct chatter]

-That mum's hand cream? -No.

Can't leave here till we think of a plan, Mickey.

All day in a court house cos...

-[door slams shut] -Oh, look. It's the filthy pervert.

-In your fucking dreams. -[Norma] Oh. yeah

Oh, no! No, I've had a restraining order slapped on me, haven't I?

-Can't come within 50 feet of ya. -Oh, well, then sod off!

Er... It's my house! Innit?

So, fly! Fly, bird! 50 feet back to the van.

Or further into the traffic, in Dusseldorf.

I, I can't be here with him, Mon!

It's too traumatic. I'm having flashbacks here.

You know where I am if you want me.

What's she meant to have done?

I didn't know where you were, Frank.

I've been worried sick.

Woke up all on me own.

Monica, she's accused me of trying to rape her.

I mean, I didn't do it. Of course, I fucking didn't.

It's all a ruse to just get me out of the way so she can...

can... Innit?

Hey? And, yeah, then there's the Old Bill, you know, doing the dance and fuckin'--

and they believe her!

No, I'm serious, Monica!

They're saying I could go to prison.

It always has to be about you, doesn't it, Frank?

[sighs]

She accused you of rape?

Yeah, I know.

What d'you think you're doing, Norma?

Dad wouldn't have raped you.

Look, you stay out of this, Debbie.

Right? It's a police matter now.

You, you don't know what men are capable of when they, when they unleash their...

[panting, sighs]

Look... I know you're a bright kid and that, Debbie, but it--

What happened to lesbianwomenfortruthandjustice.com?

Why is the woman never believed?

[sighs]

He wasn't trynna rape you, Norma.

Wasn't he just after your money?

-So, you gonna file my complaint or? -Certainly.

I just need to see your licence for the business.

-My? -[Stan] Your licence?

I take it you do have one.

And proof that you pay the minimum wage

and make NI contributions for your staff. And paying tax.

I think it must be at the shop.

I'll, I'll, I'll go get it.

[Carrie] Tom?

Super wants to see us.

[dramatic music]

[indistinct chatter, laughter]

Double whisky.

-What's the matter with you? -Bastard bombers.

Just ruin it for the rest of us, don't they?

How am I supposed to get hold of any Semtex when nobody's shifting any?

How the hell should I know?

-Three. -No way.

A quid 50.

One-eighty, final offer.

Two-fifty and throw in his chain.

[Shane] Oi! Prick!

-Two quid. Take it or leave it. -Two-twenty.

Nice doing business with ya.

Got more colours if you want them.

-[indistinct chatter] -[mellow music playing in background]

Ian.

Come on, mate. Just let me buy you a drink.

[mellow music continues]

Fine.

Venue of my choice.

Gay bar.

Sure. Wherever you want.

See ya later.

Hiya. What can I get you?

That wasn't so bad.

We were only trying to catch 'em.

It's more than anyone else around here was doing.

Yeah, but chin up, Yvonne didn't make a formal complaint

and the bombers are still out there, we might still get them.

He's put me back on parking tickets.

I'm not allowed near actual people till I've learnt to control myself.

[sighs] Two whole months! And, he turned my transfer down.

Uh, those'll be your shifts, but if you don't wanna do it--

I'll do it.

[chuckles]

-[Norma] Frank. -[Frank] What?

Whoa, fuckin' hell, stay away from me! I'm a mad fucking rapist!

You're only doing this so you can get us shot of Monica.

But, I'll tell you what, you're not gonna drive us apart

cos we are like that. Hey.

Big love, in the eyes of God. Can't touch us.

I'm gonna drop the charges.

If... you piss off.

-You what? -[Norma] I want Monica back.

You piss off and I'll get her.

You can come back once she's home with me.

Yeah, well, where am I gonna go, then, you know,

that's gonna give me a fucking bar tab?

[sighs] I'll give you a grand.

But you go and don't tell Monica I asked you to.

That's the deal.

If you want it, I'll be waiting with the money tonight.

How much do you love her now, Frank?

Thank God you still had it.

Not a word to your dad or you're dead.

[man on TV] ...has increased cafe culture across the UK.

[Monica huffs] Thought you'd done another bunk.

I can't just sit around and wait for you all the time, Frank.

Oh, Dad, remember you got that work-focus interview tomorrow.

D'you want me to come with ya?

Yeah, thanks love.

[man on TV] ...and with... Available.

This goes before parliament--

[tuts, groans]

Poor little Frank.

You're turning into me own big bad outlaw, hmm?

D'you wanna tie me up?

Take me captive? In the forest?

Torment me with your bow and arrow?

[club music playing]

♪ World, hold on ♪

♪ Come on ♪

-D'you think you can handle it? -Yeah.

Big deal. It's just a club.

Really?

[song continues]

[barman] Yes? What can I get ya?

Hi, it's, um, it's Ian. D'you remember, from last week?

-Sorry? -Couple of beers, please, mate.

D'you want a free one?

Yeah, why not?

The usual terms, boys. Usual terms. Come on!

[Lip] Whoa!

Hey, what are you doing?

Ian!

[indistinct chatter, laughter, cheering]

-Woo! -[indistinct yelling]

Listen, Mimi, I know you're angry with me, but...

[tuts] your sister, the mad one,

she still sleeping with that twat from the construction site?

I'm not fucking asking her for anything.

[sighs] I need...

the Semtex...

by tonight.

I've no one left to ask.

You don't need her, you've got me.

Though, God knows you don't deserve me after lying to me.

You didn't look properly, did ya?

It was in by the Soda Stream.

I found it, see?

But that's not...

but...

[laughing]

Oh, my darling! What would I do without you? God!

Oh, I'm sorry I lied to ya. I swear I'll never do it again.

-You better not! -[Paddy chuckles]

-Have you never lied to me? -Only about me age.

I was only 13 the first time we did it, but I didn't wanna put you off.

[whispers] Thirteen?

[Monica] Frank?

Where you going?

I, shh, I...

[sighing]

Monic... [sighs]

[Frank groans]

I... [sighs]

It's this court case. It's killing me.

I, I can't put you through it, you know, or the kiddies. I...

I, I'm just gonna be a burden to ya.

So, you were just gonna go then, were ya?

Into the night?

[Debbie] Go where?

-[chuckles] Debbie. -What's going on?

I, um, uh, ju... nothing. Just--

Your father says he's leaving us without even saying goodbye.

No. No, I...No. No. No, I'm, uh... I'm, she's, it's...

[sighs] Look, Debbie...

It's Norma.

She's, she's... she wants to send me to prison

and I, I mean, I can't. I just can't. I mean, I'm a free spirit,

you know, aren't I? And...

you know, prison would... [sighs]

But, you didn't do it.

Yeah, I know but...

Can't you tell Norma to drop the charges?

No, no! No.

She, she's just... It's not gonna happen, is it?

-I mean, she's got me by the... you know-- -We'll see about that then, won't we?

Oh, f...Monica!

Monica!

Oh, Monica!

Hang on, Monica!

Yeah, I knew you'd... [gasps] Monica?

Now, Pumpkin.

I've come to ask you to drop the charges against Frank.

Monica, he tried to rape me.

Norma, he's hasn't got it in him.

Besides which, he is the kids' dad and if he ever went to prison,

I could never ever forgive ya.

Let alone do anything else.

So, do we have a deal?

Oh, what's that?

Is that money to buy the sunglasses and shoes to go with the jacket?

[tuts] Oh, bless.

Love you, Pumpkin.

Got a present for ya.

[breathes heavily] What a bastard.

-[club music blaring] -[chuckles]

You looking for this?

Yeah. Thanks.

[chuckles]

How much do you love yourself?

So, you still reckon I've got a problem with gay men then?

-Uh, yeah. Can't get them off ya. -[both chuckle]

He's a sound guy, actually.

And he gave me his number.

-Yeah! -Jammy bastard!

[Lip] So, how much d'you think that's worth then?

Oh, piss off, Lip!

Yeah! Come on!

[club music continues]

[Norma] Syngenesophobia.

Fear of relatives. Only Monica's, though.

Bastards, the lot of them.

Well, except Carl maybe.

He's all right.

Can you keep the noise down?

And Little Liam's quite sweet.

-[Lip, Ian] Fuck off! -[Norma] Pricks!

Except when he's putting dead mice up your exhaust.

Who would you tell first if you was in the shit?

[Jamie] The whole point of travelling miles

was to keep you guessing a little bit longer.

Wow!

-Carl, who've you got pregnant? -[sobbing]

Oh, I want your baps in me mouth, smothering me!

[both laughing]

[cries out] I need an ambulance!

-[Carol] Oh, don't be so gay! -[thud]

Paddy, get off!

Grave error, Karen. Taking me for an imbecile.

Weekends away with my son. Where is it you two actually go?

How much longer have I got?