Original subtitles

[Frank] Now, nobody's saying the Chatsworth Estate

is the Garden of Eden,

but it's been a good home to us.

To me, Frank Gallagher, and me kids, who I'm proud of,

cos every single one of 'em reminds me a little of me.

See, they can all think for themselves, which they've got me to thank for.

[Lip] Quick, leg it!

[Frank] Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite,

which is why nobody calls him Phillip anymore.

Ian, lot like his mam,

which is handy for the others, cos she's disappeared into thin air.

And Carl. We daren't let him grow his hair for two reasons.

One, it makes it stand on end and makes him look like Toyah.

Two, nits love him.

Debbie, sent by God, total angel.

You've to check your change

but she'll go miles out of her way to do you a favour.

Plus, lickle Liam, who's gonna be a star someday.

Wicked!

[Frank] Sheila, me bird.

Couldn't be happier. One plate short of a full set, like.

Carol and Marty, the lodgers from hell.

Last of the lonely hearts and a psychologist's wet dream.

Still, nobody's perfect.

But, all of 'em, to a man, know first and foremost

one of the most vital necessities in life is

they know how to throw a party. [chuckles]

Scatter!

-[Frank grunting] -[Sheila] Don't misunderstand me.

-[bed squeaking] -I'm still anxious, depressed, panicked.

I get the shakes, day-sweats, night-terrors, palpitations.

-[woman moaning] -[Sheila] Heads, stomachs, chests,

pins, needles, hand-spasms, leg-spasms, facial-spasms.

I'm obsessive compulsive,

in constant jaw-clamped fear of social exposure.

And there's the odd mouth ulcer.

-[Frank and woman moaning] -[Sheila] So I can't say I'm cured.

I thought Frank's death would trample my world to dust.

But I've moved on.

-[Frank grunts] -[woman sighs, breathes heavily]

[Sheila] I own my grief. That's what Jesus says anyway.

He knows... everything.

[glass clinking]

[gasps]

Shit! Oh, why didn't you wake us?

It's me anniversary.

-She's got to find out sometime. -[Frank] No.

Oh, don't go.

Monica wants flum-flum.

Jesus. I knew Norma was the strong silent type.

Didn't know she couldn't speak cos her fucking tongue worn out.

-[dishes clattering] -[indistinct chatter]

Hey snap out of it, you've been dumped.

She's a slag.

-No, she's not a slag. I liked her. -She'll fill in till a slag turned up.

[Debbie] You deserve better. You are better.

Debbie, don't give me that self-esteem bollocks.

I'm dumped.

-You must be a piece of shit then. -[Katie crying]

[Mandy] She's wet. I need more nappies.

-[Lip] I'll get 'em. -[Mandy] What with?

[indistinct chatter]

Every bugger's...

They'll see us.

Oh, come on, get shot of 'em.

Why would I want to do that?

Because... Just... Just... Fuck. Just do it and I'll...

-I'll... -Come straight back to Monica, yeah?

In an hour.

An hour? I can't.

Fuck Monica, fuckin' flum-flum!

Toast won't cure erectile problems.

That ain't why she chucked me.

She given you the elbow?

[Carl] It's no-one else's business.

-Just leave it, will ya. -[Monica sighs]

It's a cracking day out. Fancy doing something?

Who wants to bunk off?

I could cook us all a big breakfast and we could go to the city farm later?

-I'll take Katie. -Must dash. Shopping to do.

[Mandy] I'm at me mum's.

[Debbie] School. Now.

[door bangs shut]

Nice work, Mon.

Clever.

I want you back in an hour or I'm coming to get ya.

Out of your league, mate.

Women in uniforms. Never done it for me until now.

'Cept for nurses.

Obviously... French maids.

[Carrie] Out. Keep your hands where I can see 'em.

-[youth grunting] -When she says barred, she means barred!

Always call for backup, Carrie. I do.

He's the one needs backup.

Serious, love. He could be packing a blade.

Razors in his trainers. Anything. Seen it all.

Didn't see that coming.

Don't worry. He can consider himself well nicked.

Be on a cold slab with a ticket on his toe by sundown.

Sheila. Sheila. [panting] You'll never guess what.

You been out for your paper, love?

Yeah. [quietly] When have I ever been out for a f'king paper?

We all set then?

[sighs] No. I'm getting behind myself. Karen's looking after the twins.

[Frank] Oh, right. Well...

I'll get out of your way an' all then.

Said I'd fix Carl's door, you know, he trashed it when he was... shit-faced.

Naughty little...

Cunt.

Haven't you got me... present?

Oh, I can't, love. Not now.

Touch of the morning brewer's, you know, heavy night.

It's bound to strike sometime. Not a teenager anymore.[chuckles]

Thank Christ!

Permanent lob-on's all they've got going for 'em.

Well, it happens to the best of 'em.

Hey, I'll make it up to ya.

I know it happens to the best of them... cos you are the best of them.

[mouths "fucking hell"]

-Shh. -Shh.

-[Monica growls] -[Frank sighs]

[country music playing through stereo]

Oh, add egg.

Um... Oh, haven't got an egg. Haven't got an egg.

Um... [whimpers]

-[Monica] Tell her. -Oh not today! Have a heart.

[Monica moaning] Tell her.

[Frank] No, I can't. No, I won't. I can't!

[Monica groans] Tomorrow then.

Yeah! Yeah!

Promise? [groans]

Promise? [pants, groans]

-[straining] Promise! -[Monica groaning]

[both moaning loudly]

[banging at door]

Frank!

Sod, it's Sheila!

Frank? Frank? Frank? Hello? [panting]

All right, Shee!

Coming sweetheart.

-Just wait there... Sweetheart. -[Sheila whimpering]

God! You don't half get out and about for an agora-fucking-phobic, you.

[panting] I forgot! Opened the door. Fly! Go! Here I am.

-What do you want? -[Sheila] Eggs.

I can't go to the shops. Hands... Need eggs. [pants]

Thank you.

Monica.

Sheila.

[muffled moaning]

Frank's invited me to your anniversary party.

[Sheila whimpers]

To show there's no ill feeling.

-[knocking] -Oh, piss off!

Hello, Mr Lesbian.

It's just Sheila.

What?

Do you want to come to my party?

Monica's coming.

-[Lip] You'll never get it working. -[Ian] It's been stood here years.

Still at that? Why don't you nick a nice new'un?

It's not for me. It's for Micky.

Yeah, why don't you nick a nice new'un for him then?

[Mimi] He stayed out again last night.

I'll murder the little twat when I see 'im.

-Any of yous seen him? -Dunno.

Fuckin' useless, honest to God.

-How many brothers you got, Jamie? -[Paddy] Oi!

Got yourself a job yet?

Just considering my options.

[Paddy] Oh, aye?

You just hold out for the full £3.50 an hour, son.

Why shouldn't you get the illegal immigrant rate?

You got the authentic greaseball look, after all.

I will look after my daughter, Paddy.

And yours.

I'll do whatever I have to.

'Cept work for me?

Yeah.

Just don't come crying to me

when you're sitting on the bones of your fuckin' arse.

[baby crying]

Um, do you think you could see to Nigel for me?

Course I will, love.

Oh God, I've got so much to do.

-[doorbell rings] -[whimpers]

Guests! Started! It's started!

[baby continues to cry]

[Sheila] Oh! Happy anniversary! Oh no, it's mine! [chuckles]

["SOS" by Rihanna playing] ♪ Ah I'm obsessive ♪

♪ when just one thought of you comes up... ♪

-Mini pork pie, Debbie? -No, thanks. I've had four.

-[Sheila] Have another! [gasps] -[doorbell rings]

-[Sheila] Guests. More guests. -I'll grab a pie.

[Sheila] Who could it be?

-Torture. -Yeah.

May as well get mangled then.

♪ Just hold me close, boy, 'cause I'm your tiny dancer ♪

Look everyone, it's the lesbians! [laughs nervously]

I'll have one of them.

-Mouth like a teacher's dog! -[Ian] Sheila!

[Sheila] Monica. [unintelligible]

Pork pie?

I haven't eaten 'owt with a face since, uh... 1986.

Me and Mon are vegetarians.

She hasn't eaten meat since she left Frank.

Is there 'owt veggie?

Cake?

♪ Y-O-U are making this hard. You got me tossing and turning ♪

["Feel Good Inc." by Gorillaz playing]

-[laughter] -[indistinct chatter]

No, wait! I've got an announcement to make.

Frank and I are finally going on a honeymoon!

[cheering]

You what? Where?

We're going on a cruise.

Where to?

-Mediterranean. One week. -[cheering]

Well, I haven't got a passport.

I've got you one.

I've been planning it for months.

["House of Fun" by Madness playing]

[cheering]

[guest] This is a fucking tune!

[inaudible discussion]

-Tell her now. -Look, she's not what you think.

She's unstable. There's nutty violence in her.

She needs careful handling.

Sod it. I'll tell her then. Put the lame bitch out of her misery.

Oh, okay, okay, okay. Go down.

Blurt it out. You and me [squeaks].

Just make sure she's not near any sharp objects.

Or blunt ones either.

Look her in the eye, right, and then tell me you don't believe me.

-Come on. Go on! -[Frank] ...off!

♪ Welcome to the house of fun ♪

♪ Welcome to the lion's den ♪

[music fades]

[eerie high-pitched sounds]

[music returns to normal]

I've got an announcement to make.

There's something you ought to know, Sheila.

[clears throat]

[eerie high-pitched sounds]

The cake's beautiful. [clears throat]

[Sheila sighs]

[sniggers]

["House of Fun" resumes]

♪ I'm sorry son But we don't stock ♪

♪ Party gimmicks In this shop ♪

-♪ Try the house of fun... ♪ -[eerie high-pitched sounds]

[Norma] She hasn't eaten meat since she left Frank.

You're not a vegetarian.

And you're not a lesbian.

And you're having sex with my Frank.

[guests gasp]

[screams]

-[screams] -[guests gasp]

♪ Welcome to the house of fun ♪

♪ Welcome to the lion's den ♪

♪ Temptation's on its way Welcome to the house of fun ♪

[eerie chimes]

[gasps]

[Frank screams] Sheila!

She went mental.

Never seen anyone act like that on Es before.

Must've reacted with all the other stuff rattling around in her.

Imagine the state of her insides.

Mum and dad shagging.

It's disgusting.

Following his dick instead of the beer, that's the surprise.

Are you gonna help us out or what?

May as well while you're looking for a job.

Dunno. What d'you want me to do?

Pick up crap from people's houses and bring it back here.

I'll do that.

-Yeah? -How much is there?

Not much.

All right, I'm in.

Nice one.

[boys giggle]

Why d'you think they didn't want to do it, stupid?

[tuts] Oh, piss off!

[sighs] Other people get ditched and survive. Don't be so soft.

It's hard the first time, Deb.

Just as hard doing it. Bet Holly's in bits.

Bitch loved it.

Not flit then?

[chuckles] What and miss you screw up?

No way, Jose. [scoffs]

I want revenge... and I can get it without doing a thing.

All I've got to do is sit here and watch you

get it on with that greasy streak of alcoholic piss.

[laughs] Hey and I'm gonna laugh.

You still love me, don't you, Pixie?

Flesh-eater!

[eerie music]

[Sheila whimpering]

[sighs with relief]

[Frank screaming] Sheila!

[eerie music continues]

-[spade thudding] -[Sheila screams]

[Sheila whimpering]

[Tom] Not a bad little station.

Friendly lot on the whole. Watch Sergeant Phibbs,

doesn't like you bibbing your siren after a shift.

I'm not here to make pals,

I'm here to serve the community and fight crime.

Is that that lad from the shop?

No. We know him.

Who is it?

-[Tom] Carl Gallagher. -[Carrie] Villain?

Nah. Big family. Having a yard sale.

Rag and bone sort of thing. Collecting unwanted stuff. Saw a leaflet.

-Registered for tax? -Doubt it.

Then it's illegal. I'll shake him down.

It's all right. He's a good lad. There's no harm in him.

That's twice.

Touch me without permission a third time and you'll know about harm.

I'll crush every bone in your tiny little hand.

[sighs]

[Ian] Put all the clothes on the fence over here,

put all the electrical stuff there.

[chuckles] You even look like Ian Beale.

This could be the start of something.

Getting stuff for nothing and selling it on. There's money in junk.

-You reckon? -Yeah.

That Laura Ashley started her business on the kitchen table.

You shouldn't be saying that.

Not if you don't want everyone sussing out you're a gaylord.

[Sheila] Sorry. I'm sorry.

Can you just... look after them?

Yeah, course.

-[Ian whistles] -[Lip laughs]

What if we haven't seen him? He's always all right.

He's not... I might've... I don't know.

If you have hurt him, they won't send you down.

Not with your nerves.

They won't! Not prison, anyway.

[Carl] What?

Something's buried.

I've buried something.

What?

[Sheila whimpering] I think I've... I think I've hurt your father!

And buried him in the garden?

Couldn't even fit his head in a hole that size.

Probably cat shit.

[crying] I did something. Please dig! Just dig, please!

[Debbie sighs] You wouldn't...

Although, the, the knives stuff was a bit weird.

I never hurt him with a knife. I'm an expert.

-[Sheila whimpers] -Dig.

Yeah, something here.

What is it? What?

[Carl] It's in a plastic bag.

[stammers] God! What have I done to him?

Frank! Frank! Oh, Frank! [crying]

[sighs] Stuff here that might actually sell.

[stuttering] Fuck!

What?

-Fuck! -What?

-It's a fucking hand! -What?

Fuck! Shit!

[sirens wailing]

[tyres screeching]

That's me, that.

You think it's funny, do ya? Defacing public property?

Suppose it is quite funny, yeah.

-Shit! -What are you doing?

A scrote can write on wall,

but scrote cannot boast about it to copper.

-[Carl] Bastards! -[Tom] Why not?

It's his big cock. He's Carl.

It's the lad from the shop.

Book him. Assaulting an officer.

-It wasn't him. -[radio static]

You fucking knob!

What are we gonna do with him?

Apologise...or arrest him. I don't know.

Hey! Armed robbery, Pannett Street.

[Stan] You all right, Carl?

[Carl] Bastards! My fucking eye!

[tyres squeal]

[sirens wailing]

-[Carl] Bastards. -[Lip] Where'd you get the box?

Cardboard box, Carl. About this big. Used to have an iron inside it.

I can't fucking see.

[Ian] Stop pissing about. Where did you get it from? It's important.

I weren't doing anything.

[Lip] Shut up, Carl! We just need to know.

What?

Cardboard box. About so big.

[Carl sniffs]

What's for us?

[Mimi] It's totally bleeding obvious! Take it and shift your arse!

It was the Maguires.

-Are you sure? Fucking really hurts.

It's them. They're trying to fuck up our sale.

What, why would they do that?

You heard him. He wants me in his pocket.

Well, bollocks to 'em!

Lip, don't be a dick!

I don't want your job. You'd no need to do that.

It's fucking sick, Paddy!

[tuts] What is?

I know!

I know about the hand.

Is this code?

The fucking human hand you sent us in a box.

Oh, that! Well, yes. That completely slipped my mind.

I mean, I send so many hands I just can't keep track!

A hand? Fucking gobshite!

[Ian] Come on, Lip. Come on!

Fuck off!

Your son. He's some manner of twat, isn't he?

Glad some bugger else noticed. Been saying it for years.

Did you hear that?

Has our Micky come back yet?

Frank!

Frank! Thank God! I thought I'd lost you. Thank God you're safe!

So is this all forgive, forget, it's all in the past, move on?

No. No, it's not.

I need to talk to you and Monica.

I'll go get her.

-Oi! What are you doing? -Stop it!

Where's my son?

Where's the rest... of my son?

You won't find him, dad.

You won't find him.

-Get off! -What's happened?

[Lip] What is it?

It's what I did. Why I was inside.

The family of the lad I killed have got us back.

I sent them a hand. They never got the rest.

Neither will we.

I killed one of theirs, they've killed one of ours.

[screaming] Fuck you!

Fuck!

Where's the hand?

In the freezer.

Get it.

We need to take him home to his mother.

-Go on. -You get it.

Go get it!

[crying] Not that one! Please, Jesus. Not my baby!

My little baby! Oh! Not sweet Micky!

I'd swap anyone for him!

-Micky! -What?

I said I was in Bolton.

[Mimi cries out in joy]

[Jamie] Oh shit!

It's Fergal.

[screaming] Fergal? No!

They've taken my fourth boy!

-No! -Calm down.

Do you agree?

Alright.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all down to me, innit?

I'm going under here.

Can't someone take the load off me shoulders?

No, they can't.

You've got to choose.

Why?

I'll take you back but I won't share you.

Neither will I.

You've got to want me.

And me.

Oh, sweet Jesus!

I've spoken to the cruise people.

They said we can join it in Malta.

Please come with me. I've booked a cab for 3 o'clock tomorrow.

If you're not there, I'll know our marriage is over.

No pressure then.

Tomorrow? That quick! You don't want much, do you?

How can I decide?

It's up to you.

Follow your heart.

Bye, Frank.

[door creaks]

Not a fucking word! Get up. We need a priest.

This can't be right.

Shut up. I'm in charge. Just get fucking dressed.

[Man] Right! Coming, ready or not!

[toilet flushing]

Oh! Not again!

[sighs] Thank fuck!

How the fuck can you mistake this for a fucking priest?

He's about twelve!

-He's wearing tracky bottoms. -They're getting younger.

Jesus! I'd expect it of him but how the hell did you let this happen?

I did say. Only went to knock a priest up not fucking kidnap--

Look at the state of him! What are you, a rent boy or a drug dealer?

Bit of both. Wanna buy some coke?

I don't want to buy any fucking coke!

All I want is a priest... to bury my boy.

I can do it.

Cheeky fuck.

Altar boy. Know it off by heart. Know how to keep me gob shut too.

[choking]

[grunting]

Two birds scrapping over you.

Sounds better than it is.

Should've had them mud wrestling over us.

I'm amazed you can get any woman.

Go with mum.

What? So you don't have to deal with Looney Tunes?

Good old Frank taking the burden off your hands?

Bugger off then. She only needs something pathetic to look after.

I'll buy her a dog that's been run over.

Cheaper and less likely to piss the bed.

-I'll get that. -You, out! You're barred.

He's got to decide on his own.

Whose side are you on, then?

Out!

God I don't know what to do. Give me a sign, for fuck's sake. A sign!

What do you want?

This is what a firing squad looks like.

Dead eyes staring.

That's what I want the blindfold for, not the bullets.

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is, to have a thankless child!"

Never mind ten of the twats.

Most kids want their parents together.

Most want their parents alive.

You can't do it to Sheila.

Scared I'll be out on me arse? Have to move back in?

Christ! I hadn't even thought about that.

You have to choose Sheila. She's the best thing about you.

What do you think?

Sheila's nice, but if you and mum got back together, that's okay too.

-Dad. Do the right thing for once. -Deb don't... I don't...

[Frank sighs] I need a drink.

Lord grant Fergal rest.

[All] Grant to your servant Lord, a place of rest and pardon.

We commend the soul of Fergal.

Though dead to this world, he's got life for ever with you.

Forgive whatever sins he may of committed

through... through...

Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

[All] And let light perpetual shine upon him. Amen.

[Mimi weeping]

[splash]

Eternal rest grant to him, O Lord. Amen.

[Micky sobbing]

Dad? You alive?

[Frank sighs]

I'll tell you after further chemical assistance.

Sorted your head out?

When I do, you'll be the second to know.

Something I found in the loft.

Might help you.

Thank you. I'll treasure it.

What's with the cheesy grin? I thought you were a miserable sod.

I've got a big cock.

Course you have. You take after me.

I don't, do I?

-You on your own? -No. Debbie's outside.

[door locks]

-I'll go in then. -You'll be shouting at a shut door.

He's alright.

I checked the walls. There's no writing the same.

I knew there wouldn't be cos I know who wrote it.

Yeah? Who?

Holly.

I reckon it's her way of saying sorry.

She's history then.

Sort of... I thought I might ask her out again.

So not a good idea.

Why?

Why?

Carl! She didn't write it. I did.

-What? -I thought it'd cheer you up.

Lovely service, father. Thanks.

Well done. Come and see me.

So it's off then?

Do you want to tell Paddy we're having a garden sale today?

He's buried and I want blood.

Blood for blood. Fuck going straight. You're to blame.

You'll spill blood for my Fergal. Your brother.

What are you doing 'ere? You've only got till three!

Drinking. Get us a pint.

Oh fucking 'ell.

Needed the money though.

-I'm the one out of pocket. -Yeah and I'm the one with overheads.

Jesus.

Don't even think about it.

-Ready? -I'm not going.

Nobody's going.

-You what? -Look, it's my debt.

I killed. They've killed back. No more or it'll go on.

And the next time, it'll be Shane or Micky or you.

It stops. We stop. Now.

Yeah you've always been a comical boy, son.

-Give it me. -What?

You're not leaving here with a gun.

[whisper] Who the fuck do you think you are?

I'm the arsehole who spent his twenties rotting in prison

because he believed the family lie about being a fucking hard man.

I'll tell you what I promised myself, shall I? Whiling away my best years?

I promised that I would never, ever, let my fucked up family

force me to do something that I didn't want to ever a-fucking-gain.

Now, give me that gun before I tear your fucking head off.

If anything happens to one of theirs, I'll hear about it.

So, are we gonna do this prick or what?

-[thud] -[Shane grunts]

[Sheila breathing nervously]

-[buzzer on the TV] -General Custer?

Or is he with the other lot?

[Monica sighs]

Choice? Choice? Choice?

It's all freedom of choice.

Parental choice, patient choice. I'll die here, no I'll die here.

A pinch or a punch? Eh?

No... No... No... No!

I demand the freedom not to choose.

I choose not to fucking choose!

That is my final choice!

Fuck it. I'll toss for it.

[coins jangling]

[Debbie] Dad, do the right thing for once.

Go with mum.

You have to choose Sheila, she's the best thing about you.

[Carl] Sheila's nice,

[Carl] but if you and mum got back together, that's okay too.

["Making Your Mind Up" by Bucks Fizz]

♪ For making your mind up For making your mind up ♪

[door locks]

[Frank] Sheila!

Sheila! Sheila!

Frank!

[Sheila shrieks excitedly]

-Frank! -Sheila!

[Sheila laughs]

I didn't... I didn't think... I thought you'd left me.

Simplest thing in the world.

I choose you... I want you... Only you.

I'm sorry I made you wait.

It's you.

Can't believe it's taken so long to see. I mean you're perfect for me. We... fit.

I know. I told you.

You've made my life. It's the best it's ever been.

That's down to you. You, Sheila.

Thank you.

I'm sorry about Monica. She's a recurring illness.

She rips me innards out and makes me feel like 18 years old.

You're what I need.

-[Sheila sighs happily] -[Frank] You.

I do... love you.

I love you too.

Let's get your passport.

[Frank cheers and laughs]

It's like being re-fucking-born again. At last!

A new Frank Gallagher!

Frank Gallagher knows his mind for once.

I feel like I could do anything. Nothing's beyond me. Anything!

[Frank laughs]

Here, I tell you what...

First thing I'm gonna do when we get back.

Hey, I'm gonna divorce that bitch.

She's got no hold over me now.

No more Monica and Frank.

From now on, it's gonna be Frank and Sheila.

We're the couple. You're the one that I love.

[Sheila whimpers]

We're not really married?

Yeah, course we are... In the eyes of everyone.

You didn't divorce her?

No.

Why didn't you divorce her?

Look, I didn't...

I didn't get round to it.

You lied to me... You lied to me. You couldn't divorce her, could you?

No.

[Sheila sighs] I feel so ashamed.

What?

You're in thrall to her, aren't you?

I've done everything to make you mine.

And you've never been free.

-Well course I have! -And you don't love me.

I do.

I pledged myself to you in front of everybody.

And you lied to me and you betrayed me.

-You betray me every day. -This is all wrong. It weren't like that.

You're not a true man.

Well, course I am. Sheil... come on.

I know I don't deserve to be loved...

Well, of course you do. I love you.

Get off me!

But I deserve better than you.

I'm not a dishcloth.

I'm leaving you...

...and I'm not coming back.

Sheila!

-[Car engine] -[Frank] No, Sheila, please!

For pity's sake, woman! Can't a man make one mistake?

I'm begging you. Don't do this.

I need you. I do.

I'm nothing without you.

I really loved you... Goodbye, Frank.

Drive on.

[Frank bangs the car door] Sheila! Sheila! Sheila!

Sheila!

Sheila...

Sheila, talk...

[Sheila sobbing]

-Sheila! -Bye, Frank.

[Frank crying quietly] Sheila...

[raspy] Sheila!

[shouting] Sheila!

[door opens]

Monica... Simplest thing in the world.

I choose you.

I want you... only you.

I'm sorry I made you wait.

It's you.

[Sheila] I know it probably isn't healthy for me

to tell people my husband's dead.

I hope it doesn't upset you, but he's dead to me, so it's sort of true.

I'm happier without him. Happy as I'll ever be.

I'll write when I can, but I don't know when that'll be.

Jesus and I are on a strange and wonderful journey.

Time and life are precious.

All my love. Sheila.

P.S. Nigel was sick on the captain's shoes this morning.

[chuckles] Who does he take after?

[Frank slurps] Yeah, it's food.

Right. [Monica clears her throat]

There we go.

Come on, everybody! Family dinner time.

Hope you're hungry.

[Frank sighs] Why do we fucking bother, eh?

No thank you, your Grace.

Shall we go and get some fish and chips instead?

Last time you did that, you went down to the shop and fucked off.

Don't start!

[motorcycle engine]

Help us!

Tell me you're not being chased by the fucking Maguires.

You can't stay here. They'll kill us both.

Let me go right now!

I'm gay.

I want what she's having.

I know you fancy me.

["Summer Holiday" by Cliff Richard and The Shadows]

[applause]

♪ Doin' things they always wanted to ♪

♪ So we're going on a summer holiday ♪

[cheers]

[applause]

[ship's horn]