Original subtitles

[Frank] Now, nobody's saying the Chatsworth Estate

is the Garden of Eden, but it's been a good home to us,

to me, Frank Gallagher, and me kids, who I'm proud of,

cos every single one of 'em reminds me a little of me.

See, they can all think for themselves,

which they've got me to thank for.

[Lip] Quick, leg it!

[Frank] Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite,

which is why nobody calls him Phillip anymore.

Ian, lot like his mam, which is handy for the others,

cos she's disappeared into thin air.

And Carl. We daren't let him grow his hair for two reasons.

One, it makes it stand on end and makes him look like Toyah.

Two, nits love him.

Debbie! Sent by God, total angel.

You've to check your change,

but she'll go miles out of her way to do you a favor.

Plus lickle Liam, who's gonna be a star someday.

Sheila, me bird. Couldn't be happier.

One plate short of a full set, like.

And fantastic neighbors, Kev and Veronica.

Lend you anything. Well, almost anything.

Carol and Marty, the lodgers from hell.

Last of the lonely hearts and a psychologist's wet dream.

Still, nobody's perfect.

But all of 'em, to a man, know first and foremost

one of the most vital necessities in life is,

they know how to throw a party!

[chuckles] Scatter!

[Carl] A big boy called Carl was obsessed

with how to get girls undressed.

A fit lad called--

A fit man c--

A sex god called Carl once said,

"I want to get girls into bed,

but I'm rubbish at pulling

and duh-duh-duh, ulling, so I'll have to grow--"

[Debbie] Carl!

Carl!

Someone left this for you. Compost. What's it for?

Gardening.

I'm old enough. Oh.

Got some money. You know, for food and that.

Carl, that's brilliant.

Don't say owt to the others, though, will you?

Cos I'm a bit...

[birds chirping]

Yeah, you wish.

Want me to ask her to pop your cherry?

-Fuck off. -[laughs]

-See you in a bit. -[footsteps approaching]

Sue? Our Carl's got a job. A proper job.

Good for you, Carl.

[birds chirping]

I'm hungry.

[Frank] Oh, come on, Jez. Put a bag over it.

You're frightening the fizz off me pint with that face.

Yeah, well, she'd smile at you sweetly

if you paid your fucking tab, you fucking freeloader!

Oh, oh, I'll go somewhere

-that doesn't cost-- -[Jez] Hey, look at you go!

I never knew you cared.

Phwoar! Can I watch?

[clicks tongue] Maybe.

Oh, Karen. You little tiger.

Oh.

Come on, let us in.

-Fuck off, Kev. -Get to fuck.

-[laughs] Oh, all right, Lip. -[Jimmy laughing]

Lip, Jimmy. Jimmy, Lip.

-[Jimmy] All right?/ -[Lip] All right?

Right. You must be the baby's...

-Yeah. -Where is Katie?

Under the table.

With me mum.

I'll drop her round tomorrow if you like.

-Yeah, great. -Hey, can I get you a drink?

Er, quick half. Thanks.

-Seems nice. -Yeah, he is.

Fancied him for ages, actually. But Shane didn't like him.

Anyway, fuck 'em. Too old now

-to care what me brothers think. -[Jimmy] There you go, mate.

-Cheers. -So, what are you up to tonight?

-You off out? -[Lip] Yeah, I've got a date.

[Zadie] Hiya.

This is her, actually, just come in.

-All right. Am I late? -[Lip] Hiya.

-I'm not late, am I? -[Lip] No.

I couldn't decide what shoes to wear.

I put on me "Follow-Me-Home-And-Fuck-Me's."

Then I thought, "Well, what if we go dancing?"

Don't want to look like a twat. [chuckles]

Do you think these look minging, now?

-No. -[Zadie] Oh.

-[Lip] Let's just get a drink. -[Zadie] Right.

[Jez] Come on then, Karen.

How about it? Me and you? What do you say?

-[man one] Another pint, lads? -[man two] Yeah.

-Oh, now, Jesus! -Go on! Go on! Go on, Jez.

-Snog! Snog! -[indistinct clamor]

[man] Beautiful.

Fuck it. Let's just get out of here.

[Carol] Bloody hell.

[water running]

[Ian sighs]

Shower if you want.

No, you're all right. I'll, erm, I'll get off.

You've got an early start, haven't you?

-What is it you do? -Security.

Right. So, shall I...

I mean...

-I'll call you. -Right. Yeah.

[Ian sighs]

[Zadie] Aw. Don't you like me?

[exhales]

[sighs] Well, not if you do that.

I thought you'd have been up and off first thing, you.

-[sighs] -Last bloke I was with

didn't even stop for air.

-Didn't have to do a thing. -I just-- [sighs]

I'm just not really...

[sighs]

Look, I've got some work I've got to do.

[Sheila] What did Mr Ramsay chop up next?

Let's see if your sister knows, shall we?

You'll be lucky. It's like

the Marie-sodding-Celeste in here.

Suppose those two are "otherwise engaged."

-Having it off with each other. -[baby cooing]

Who's the lucky couple, then?

Your Karen and that Jez.

Huh! Don't know how they can live with themselves.

They could at least keep it behind closed doors.

Eating the face off each other

in front of everybody last night.

-Not holy, is it? -Our Karen and Jez?

I didn't want to have to be the one to tell you, but...

well, they do say it's down to the upbringing.

Our Karen is a lesbian?

[breathes heavily]

Oh, Karen. Where's Karen? Look after the kids for us.

-[knocking on door] -[Sheila] Karen, love?

-Are you in there? -[knocking on door]

[Sheila] Karen?

[sighs] Oh.

I'm so thrilled. I just thought you didn't do it.

-I wish you could have told me. -Told you what?

-That you're a lesbian. -No, I'm not.

[sighs]

I just said it to get the job, didn't I?

-You're off your head. -Karen!

Karen, love. You don't have to pretend.

Being a lesbian's a wonderful thing.

-Oh. -[Jez] Yeah.

-[rattling] -Innit?

[Sheila] Ooh. [chuckles]

["When The Sun Goes Down" playing]

-[knocking on door] -[Mandy] Lip, you in there?

[Lip] Hey.

No, actually, leave her, will you?

She's been a right pain all night.

Never got any sleep. [sighs]

How was your date, then?

Yeah. Great, actually.

So was mine. Really good. Fantastic. Great, actually.

-She seemed a bit thick to me. -So did yours.

-Jimmy's got his own business. -You better marry him, then.

What's the matter? You jealous?

-Come on, you are. -[laughs] No.

Of course not. Fuck off, Mandy.

Yeah? Are you? So, why would that be then?

Yeah! You're the one who can't stay away from me.

That's why you keep coming round, then, is it?

Need to get your fix.

Lip...

do you...

Look, you know what you said the other day about...

-"mum, dad, and baby?" -Yeah?

[Katie crying]

-Fuck were that? -[Debbie] I don't know.

[Lip] Katie! Katie! Is she all right?

-She's fine, Lip. She's fine. -The fuck are you doing, Carl?

You could have killed her! What's all this shit?

It's no big deal, Lip! It's just a few plants!

Are you joking?

You knew about this?

You're growing weed for the Maguires!

-Lip! -[Mandy] So, what if he is?

You got a problem with that, have you?

Damn right, I have! It's drugs! How come nobody told me?

Lip, it's fine, I'm--

Because it's none of your bloody business!

-Lip, I'm old enough. -What are you doing?

-[Mandy] Fuck's sake, Lip! -[Lip] Oh, I see!

It all makes sense now.

That's why you've been coming round, is it?

It's nowt to do with me and Katie.

You're doing your family's dirty work and using the whole fucking lot of us!

Oh, well, listen to him! Mr Moral-fucking-High Ground.

The bloke who said when I fell pregnant:

"But you can't want it."

Well, I'm hardly gonna come round here to see you, am I?

-Listen... -No, you listen!

Do you know what, Lip?

That has nowt to do with Carl.

Cos the truth is, you are jealous,

cos you're such a freak that you don't want me,

but you don't want anyone else to have me, either!

[sighs]

-[Debbie] Come here. -I'm all right!

He can't tell me what to do, anyway.

-He's not me dad. -[Ian] You should be grateful

it was us who found out and not the bleeding coppers.

It's only class-C, Ian.

They've practically decriminalized it.

I think it shows initiative.

-Drug squad all over the estate! -Yeah, Ian--

If he gets caught with it, it's intent to deal.

-Ian, just leave it! -A young offenders' program

and social services crawling all over us!

You jack it in now, Carl!

Tell the Maguires to find some other mug!

I'm not a mug, Ian! I'm not!

You act like I'm a little kid. All of you!

It's like you think I'm stupid or something.

-No, we don't. -Yeah, you do! You especially!

[sniffles]

This is something I was good at. I were good at it!

-[door slams] -Well done, Ian.

-Fuck off. -Mandy. [pants]

What you said before...

I never meant I didn't want Katie, and...

and I thought me and you

were trying to sort things out back there.

The fuck's all this?

You're dealing drugs from her pram?

-She's not smoking it. -Wouldn't hurt her if she was.

Shane used to do my gear. There's nothing wrong with him.

So, why aren't I doing the drug run, then?

Cos you're too fucking stupid.

-Look, Lip, just-- -[Shane] Dad would never have this!

There's six lads in this family, and it's her who's running business!

Well, when he gets out, you can tell him, can't you?

And about how you can't do it cos you can't count!

-Mandy-- -[Donny] Hey!

Back off, Gallagher.

Look, I'm not letting you get Katie involved in this.

I won't stand round and watch you screw up with her.

Well, that's easy to solve, then, innit, Lip?

Don't see her at all! You're barred!

Mandy! Mandy!

You heard what she said, Gallagher.

[Donny] Tosser.

Ta, love.

-Oi! -Pint of lager.

And a chaser. And an E.

Having a good day, then, are we?

[sighs]

[sighs]

[dog barking]

-[door unlocks] -[dog barking]

Is, er, Mandy in?

Whatever you want, you can deal with me.

[stammers] She said only to deal with her.

Do I look like the fucking monkey?

Got some gear for her.

I need to weigh it. Cock!

[Chloe giggling]

[birds chirping]

[Chloe giggles]

You all right, Chloe?

Yeah.

-Is Mandy in? -No, but I am.

Oi! Fuck-face!

I want double that amount next time!

-So get fucking busy! -[girls giggle]

[Shane] Bring yourself in, ladies.

[siren wailing]

[Debbie] Mandy? Do you want a chocolate?

I always eat chocolate when I'm upset...

cos it does the same to your brain as a hug does.

I'm not upset, Debbie! Just keep out of it, will ya?

Look...

I know you want to think of me and your brother

as some big romantic thing, but we're not, all right?

I got pregnant. That's all.

It's just... biology.

Actually, no. It's not biology. It's fucking history.

-[Chloe] It's Carl, innit? -[bell dings]

Yeah.

-So, what are you buying, then? -Nothing.

You grow weed for Mandy?

Is it hard? How do you do it?

I can show you if you like.

You're not gonna get high sniffing that. Glue's down here.

[Chloe chuckles]

[Carl] It's just a couple of minutes away.

[grunts]

-That your brother? -[Carl] Yeah.

They're through here.

I had to move 'em cos, he don't like me growing them.

[Chloe] Wow. That's amazing.

God, look at them all!

Careful with her. She's about to flower.

"She"?

[Carl] Kirsten.

It's only the female ones that flower.

That's the bit you need.

-[Chloe] Can I call one Chloe? -If you like.

[Chloe] This one, then.

Do you want to smoke some?

Yeah.

[Sheila] Frank!

-Frank! -What? Oh, don't tell me.

Space aliens from the planet Ork have turned Nigel into an olive.

Our Karen's a lesbian.

[Sheila sighs]

Why would she not have told me, Frank?

Well, Sheila, love, I know you're not a natural blonde.

I know you're not as stupid as you look,

but your Karen is not into KD Lang.

But she is, Frank. I'm telling you.

I've just found out.

And that's just the kind of attitude

that stopped her being honest about it in the first place!

[gasps] Cos she was worried we might judge her.

I want you to say it now, Frank...

out loud and proud what our Karen is.

-[gasps] Go on, say it. -[exhales deeply]

Give voice to it. Say it.

Say it!

Karen sucks gash.

[chuckles] There. See?

It wasn't that difficult, was it?

But if she can't be honest with me in the first place,

her own mother...

then I've failed her.

[sobs] I've failed her!

Oh, Karen, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

[laughs]

And then... [laughs]

[both chuckle]

And then-- I don't know if I-- I can't even tell. [laughs]

-[mobile phone bleeping] -What?

[chuckles] No.

[both laugh]

-Fillet of fish? -[laughs]

-Can I come again? -[chuckles]

-Yeah. -No. [chuckles]

[laughs]

-[smooches] -[Chloe giggles]

Bye. [chuckling] Whoa, whoa!

So, what you're saying is, you want me to come to dinner?

That's right.

If this is you thinking you can wipe Frank's tab, Sheila--

No, no, no. Not at all. I'm sorry.

Erm, I'll pay you now if you like.

I just thought, you know, as a surprise for Karen.

A few of her close friends, yeah.

Erm...

you do like her, don't you?

-Yeah. -[gasps] Oh, good.

I just-- I just wasn't sure how, you know...

So, you'll come, then?

Yeah, all right, Sheila, if you like.

Oh! That's lovely. All right, then.

I'll see you later.

Oh! Oh. See you later. [giggles]

All right, quick as you can. Inside.

[Ian] Shit!

-[Russell] Drug squad. -[man] Get the ladder.

Oh, oh. Yes.

Well, looky here. Right little factory.

[man] We've hit the jackpot this time.

[indistinct chatter]

-[laughs] -[man two] You're not joking.

[Ian] Say nothing, Carl!

What you doing?

-[man] What you doing? -Have you seen this lot?

They're ours. They're for home consumption.

-Oh, yeah. I believe ya. -No, me dad's ill.

-[man] You in? -[thuds]

-He's got, erm, ME. -[man] You're joking.

MS.

Look, no one's so ill they need this much.

[Carl] Have you seen the state of him?

[chuckles] You've not, have ya? [laughs]

-Get up! -[Carl] What you doing?

-[Russell] Come on. -[Carl] What are you doing?

[Russell] Get him to the station.

-You shut up, you little dog. -[man] Watch your head.

[Carl] Get off me, you muppet!

-Russell... -Shut up.

Look, he's my little brother.

I'll make him stop doing it, but please.

All right. I'm not gonna charge him.

He'll make a statement, and he'll be out in an hour,

OK?

How'd you know he were doing it?

Infrared photos.

Picks up the heat from the lamps if your roof's not insulated.

We sell them on afterwards. Gas board.

Might get a sales call.

Russell...

-Thanks. -[sighs]

Oh, he should back by now.

Can't you go down there and check if he's OK?

Look, they said they weren't charging him.

Well, ain't he the lucky one?

It's weird they gave you the photo, though.

-They're normally bastards. -[Lip] It's his own stupid fault.

I told him not to mess with the Maguires.

-[Mimi] Yeah. -[thunder crashes]

And he should have listened to you. Where is he?

Cos I've had some bad news.

My pet pig says someone's made

an anonymous statement against us.

Your what?

Me tame copper. Me little bent squealer.

Yeah, well, it ain't Carl, is it?

No?

Cos I'm finding it a bit of a stretch

that the drug squad found his crop...

but decided not to charge him.

They might have. He's still at the station.

-[Donny] No, he ain't. -They let him go.

Without charging him.

Our piggy told us.

-So, where is he? -Look, Carl wouldn't do that.

He was working for you.

And hard as it is to believe, we are family now.

-What are you looking at? -I don't rightly know.

But it's bloody ugly, and it seems to be looking back.

-No, Mimi. What Carol means is-- -[Marty] What's going on?

Ermintrude! Sorry.

You lot better start saying your prayers.

Cos Carl's fucking dead!

Check the house.

Jabba!

[Shane] Gallagher!

Gallagher!

Where the fuck you hiding, you little shit?

Gallagher, you grass!

You're fucking dead, Gallagher!

Fucking hell!

Oi! Fuck off!

[Shane] Dicko!

Run! Fucking run, Gallagher! Maguires are after you!

Why are you fucking running, Dicko? What do you know, eh?

-Where's Gallagher? -I don't know nothing! Let go!

Here. You take him.

Where the fuck is Carl Gallagher?

I don't know! I don't know anything!

All right, Shane.

-[groans] -Fuck! Where is he?

[Donny] Go easy, Shane! Fuck it! No!

-What are you doing? -Where is he, you little fuck?

-[Dicko groaning] -Aw, Shane.

[Dicko] You bastards.

[indistinct clamoring]

[siren wailing]

Have you seen Carl?

Do I look like a probation officer?

[Katie cooing]

-Mandy, have you seen him? -[Mandy] If I had,

I wouldn't be telling you, would I?

-Hey. You all right, mate? -Oh, come on.

You know what they'll do to him if they find him?

-He shouldn't have grassed us up, then. -He didn't!

You got him into this. He's only a fucking kid.

Which means, he won't get a custodial,

-whereas my mum-- -Jesus, Mandy!

-[sighs] -[Mandy] Lip...

When did all this turn into a war?

Eh? I thought me and you could have had something.

What are you doing with this guy?

What went wrong between us?

Look, Lip. I didn't make Carl do it.

He chose to...

because he wanted to help you lot out with money.

Well, he's not in the fucking carton, is it?

Buy something or fuck off!

[Carl farts]

-["Over the Rainbow" playing] -[slurping]

Come on, then, Karen. Get stuck in.

[Jez] Ooh, I love a good oyster, me. [chuckles]

[Sheila] It's best if you eat them alive.

Just stun them with something sharp and pop them straight in.

-[sighs] -[Jez chuckles]

[slurps] Mm.

[slurping]

[slurps] Mm.

Come on, Karen, love. It was your idea.

I'm not so keen, thanks, Mum.

♪ Dreams really do come true ♪

♪ Someday I'll wish upon a star... ♪

So, Jez, where are you from originally?

-Was your mother a lesbian? -Er, not so far as I know, Sheila.

Oh. You never really do, do you?

Karen used to be interested in blokes, but then,

when Frank moved in, she lost all interest.

I was so worried.

I thought I'd damaged her or something. [breathes deeply]

Then I realized I didn't have to be guilty anymore.

I hadn't messed her up. She was just gay all along.

[laughs] Oh, thank you.

So, what do you do, then, Jez,

when you want a bit of, you know, real sex?

-Do you, like, strap a thing on? -What we do is real sex.

It's only blokes who are obsessed with... penises.

Oh, no. I am, too. I love 'em.

[exclaiming] Oh, I love 'em.

Well, why don't you girls all do a floor show, then?

-You know, get your baubles out? -[Sheila chuckling]

Have Christmas early this year, shall we?

For Christ's sake, Frank!

Just a thought.

Ooh! That would be nice, though.

[Sheila chatting indistinctly]

♪ Somewhere over the rainbow... ♪

I'm telling you, I never said owt.

All they wanted was a statement that it were for home use.

-I believe him, Debbie. -[Lip] Yeah.

So do I...

Even though he's a twat.

Yeah, well, the Maguires don't believe him,

and if they catch him, they're gonna kill him.

He'll have to hide up here till we've found out who it was,

-get it sorted. -You're joking?

Anne Frank did it...

and those children in that book, Flowers in the Attic.

Except they all got really deformed cos they had no sunlight,

and then the sister got pregnant by the brother,

and they had this funny little baby, and it became a ballet dancer.

Where's your phone, Carl?

Right.

You phone us if you need anything.

We'll tell the Maguires you've run away.

And you can start dismantling this lot while you're up here.

Oh, don't write a diary, though, will you?

[music plays through headphones]

[gasps] Oh! Hello.

Erm, Sheila, I'm not really sure what's going on here.

I mean, the vibes I'm getting off Karen.

Well, she likes you. She's just shy.

-Do you really think so? -Well, she kissed you, didn't she?

Oh, hello.

Look, erm, why don't you both stay here tonight?

You can have Frank and my bed.

We'll sleep downstairs. [chuckles]

[indistinct chatter]

Yeah, the kids are all right.

[Russell] Just give us five minutes.

[man] Yeah, all right.

[Russell clears throat]

What do you want?

I never got a chance to thank you for not cautioning Carl today.

You never said you were a cop.

You never said your family were scumbags.

-[man] You all right, Russ? -You all right?

What do you want?

The Maguires still think it were Carl who grassed, and I know it wasn't.

So, I need to know who to get him out of shit.

Look, I--

[woman] Davies reckons they get it all the time.

I let him off so you won't blow the gaff on me.

Now we're equal. So fuck off and don't come back.

[telephone rings]

[man] Who's that?

[Russell] Just another Chatsworth arsehole.

Right, girls. Bed, video camera, sex toys.

-Give us a shout if you need me. -In your dreams.

Bed and board, Karen. Bed and board.

Here we are, then.

So, what do you reckon?

Undress you slowly, shall I?

Get my nifty tongue out?

Jez, there's something I need to tell you.

What's the matter?

You got the decorators in, have you?

-Oh, it's all right-- -I'm straight.

I'm really sorry. You're lovely and that...

but I only said I was gay to get the job in the Jockey.

No.

No, I've seen the way you look at me. We've touched.

I know you liked it.

I got off with a bloke two nights ago in the Jockey.

[both moaning]

You must at least have tendencies?

Maybe you just haven't met the right woman yet.

Maybe you're just trying to be straight because you think it's trendy.

Maybe it's just a phase you're going through.

I'm sorry.

Never would have worked, anyway.

Age gap. You being a Gemini.

Lucky escape, probably.

No hard feelings, then?

Right, then...

I might as well fuck off. Might just...

catch the end of Bad Girls, if I'm lucky.

-[door opens] -[Sheila] Oh! Hello.

[door closes]

Think. You're a 14-year-old boy. Where you gonna hide?

-Don't even know it were Carl. -[Shane] Yeah?

Who else you got in mind, your boyfriend?

He's not me boyfriend.

-Anyway, Jimmy fucking hates coppers. -[Shane] Oh, yeah?

How about your other boyfriend, Lip Gallagher?

Seems to me like Lip got Carl to grass

cos you stopped him seeing Katie.

-Is he after custody? -Don't be stupid, Mum.

-He wouldn't do that. -Doesn't sound stupid to me.

He wouldn't do it! I know he wouldn't.

Oh, yeah? And why are you so sure?

-Because... -[Katie coos]

-...he cares about me. -"Cares about me."

Pass me the fucking sick bucket.

Well, he does. He's a better man than any of you two.

He's a better man than anyone around here.

[Donny] Yeah. "Fucking sick bucket."

Didn't you say Carl Gallagher's hanging out with some girl?

[mobile phone bleeps]

[keypad beeping]

[dog growling, barking]

["Too Cold" playing]

♪ I'm too cold, I'm too cold I'm too cold ♪

♪ I'm too old, I'm too old, I'm too old ♪

♪ And it shows and it shows And it shows ♪

♪ And you know and you know And you know ♪

♪ Sometimes I hate myself... ♪

Carl, it's Chloe. You've got to get out of there.

They're coming to get you.

[sirens wailing]

Where is he? Let me at the little fucking gobshite!

What do you think you're doing?

-[Sue grunts] -[Marty] Sue?

-Carl! -What the fuck?

[Mimi] Where is he? Fucking tell me now!

-Carl! -[Donny] Get out the fucking way!

-[Ian] Carl, get out of there! -[Mimi] Tell me where he is!

-Get down the fucking stairs! -Come on! Where the fuck's Carl?

♪ Don't you see that We some big broad bad man ♪

♪ Born and bred in this here Big broad... ♪

-[Debbie] Carl! -[Lip] Carl!

[Ian] Carl, run! Carl!

Get off the fucking stairs! Where's Carl?

-Here you are, get this! -[Ian]] Fuck off.

-[Debbie] Carl! -Fuck's sake, Mimi,

-what are you doing? -Hurry up, tell me where he is?

[Ian] Leave him alone!

-[Lip] He ain't fucking done nothing! -Oh, no?

I hate to break up the Hokey Cokey, but your Mandy's just been arrested.

What?

[thud]

Fucking hell! Fucking hell, Carl! What you playing at?

She dobbed me in. She told the Maguires I was in the loft.

Pass us the bog-roll, then.

Can I finish me dump?

-[slams counter] -Where the fuck is my Mandy?

You better tell me what you're charging her with

and on what fucking evidence!

-Backup! -Mimi, what the fuck you doing?

I'm asking

-where the fuck my daughter is? -Backup.

-[Lip] Fuck's sake, Mimi! -[Russell] Backup!

-Look, just let me in to see her. -Nope.

I'm the baby's dad. I've got to take her home anyway.

-I'm Ian's brother. -[Mimi] Come on, dickhead!

[indistinct clamor]

Where is my daughter? Fuck off!

[screams] Fuck off!

If she's gonna go round shopping you, mate,

you're better off without her.

-I love her, though. -No, you don't.

-You just feel like you do. -[can opens]

[Carl] I thought she were interested.

-I thought she liked me. -[clicks tongue]

You can't always tell, mate.

So, how can you? I mean, tell if...

a girl will let you shag her. I mean... [sighs]

how-- how do you get her to do it?

[sighs] I don't know.

I don't think I've ever done it.

Oh, no, I mean, obviously, I've done it, I've done it.

Just never made the move, you know.

The bird always does it...

It's...

Fucking hell.

So, is that how it works, then?

Look, if she wants you, there's just no getting out of it,

cos women always get what they want.

I mean, take Vee tonight.

I took her down the rugby club for a strip-o-gram.

And what she's after is wedge, innit?

So if some bloke wants to grope her tits for a tenner,

she's gonna go for it, isn't she?

Oh, bloody hell.

Look, Carl, the bottom line is, you'll just know, yeah?

When the time's right, it'll just kick in.

And if it don't, then, she'll tell you, won't she?

[door closes]

[sighs]

-Where's Katie? -She's with the policewoman.

[sighs] I'm gonna take her home in a minute.

Suppose you're fucking happy, are you?

Me in here and you in custody of Katie!

No, Mandy! Of course not! I'm here for you, to help you!

I could have taken Katie and gone, but I didn't.

-I'm here for you. -Was it Carl?

No.

They're talking time, Lip.

They've got a statement that I was dealing.

And I'm old enough to go inside!

And that CID wanker out there!

Stop it! It's not gonna help, is it?

-Eh? -[Mandy] Well, what the hell is?

I want to be with Katie. That's all I want.

Just get me out so I can be with Katie!

Get me out. I just want to be with Katie.

[Lip] Can't you get your copper to do summat?

You must be joking.

He threatened to arrest me if I asked another favor.

-You must be crap in bed. -Yeah. [chuckles]

Look, we need to work out who made the statement.

There's not that many people it could be.

What I don't understand is, why make it about Mandy?

I mean, all the Maguires do it.

And who would send Mandy down instead of that horrible Mimi?

-What? -Unless it's personal.

They've pushed him out of the business.

-[spits] -All right, Shane?

What do you want, Gallagher?

I know it was you who grassed up your Mandy.

-You what? -We can talk about here,

or I can go and tell your family.

She's a fucking bitch!

Who the fuck does she think she is?

So what are you telling me for and not them?

[Lip] You know why.

Cos they'd have your balls for breakfast.

And as much as that would entertain me...

I want Katie to know there's another way

of doing things...

the Gallagher way.

So, here's the deal. You retract your statement.

You tell your mum it wasn't Carl.

And you stay away from Mandy.

Or I promise you, I will tell them.

-[dog barking] -Oh.

You used to be a plasterer, didn't you?

Mm.

I've got a ceiling wants doing.

I won't be paying.

[gunshot]

[Chloe] All right?

Look, I'm sorry about telling the Maguires.

Paid you, did they?

Twenty quid.

You don't look hurt. I thought they wanted to thump you.

I can handle meself.

Look...

I thought that if I rang you straight after,

that I could have the money and you'd be all right.

I can give you half of it.

I don't want it.

Is there anything that you do want?

Do you want to...

[chuckles]

Come here, you.

[keys jingling]

[door unlocks, opens]

[Russell] Fuck off.

It's more a sort of Tweety Pie...

And you can give us a kiss, and all.

I could be Sylvester to your Tweety pie off the whatsit.

Oh, come on, Sheila, love.

Hey, you never know.

Our Delia might turn out to be a lezza.

Do you really think so? [sighs]

Yeah, well, I've never seen her suck her thumb.

Oh!

-Hmm? -Oh!

So you're really not gonna tell me who it was, then?

I think the word you're looking for is "thank you."

That's two words, innit?

-[chuckles] -Well, go on...

tell me, then.

Why did you go to such heroic lengths to get me out?

I told you, didn't I?

What? Because you can't live without me?

You're a fucking nightmare, you are.

I'm scared to say anything in case you take my head off.

Aw! Sensitive flower.

I was only joking.

What's the deal with Jimmy, then?

-What do you mean? -I mean...

-you know, are you... -You are jealous, aren't you?

[sighs] I've got feelings for you, Mandy.

I won't be settled for, Lip, so don't say it

-if it's just about Katie. -You know it's not.

We've done this all in the wrong order.

Kid first, then work out we fancy each other.

Yes or no, Mandy? Last time I'm asking.

Me and you. Do you want to give this a go or not?

Such a fucking pain in the arse.

[Katie coos]

I suppose that means I've got to go and dump Jimmy now, then, does it?

[chuckles]

-[Lip] You got a roach? -[Ian] Yeah.

[Lip] Ta.

-[door opens] -[Chloe laughing]

[Carl] Bye, then.

All right, Carl. Gone through any holes recently?

-[laughs] -Fuck off.

Did you have to get her stoned first?

No. It were her idea.

[both cheer]

Fuck off.

Pass us that and budge up.

No more wankers' cramp.

[all laugh]

No, I can't believe that, though...

[Carl] A fit lad called Carl had the dream...

of how he could get girls to scream.

He'd strip 'em off nude and smear them with food

and watch their boobs bounce on a trampoline.

My teacher said that that's not a proper poem.

So she failed me mock English exam.

Do I look like I care? [laughs]

Drug trials, 200 quid for taking these for three weeks.

-[woman] There isn't an antidote. -You're shitting me?

I needed the money because I got meself into a bit of debt.

-How much? -Twelve grand.

-You've got a visitor. -Fuck are you doing here?

Cum on your face!

I've got to find her! Please, Kev, please!

Sue!

[man] Gas board.

-We don't want to buy any insulation. -[man] Actually...

Can I score some grass?