Original subtitles

[Frank] Now, nobody's saying the Chatsworth Estate

is the Garden of Eden, but it's been a good home to us,

to me, Frank Gallagher, and me kids, who I'm proud of,

cos every single one of 'em reminds me a little of me.

See, they can all think for themselves,

which they've got me to thank for.

[Lip] Quick, leg it!

[Frank] Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite,

which is why nobody calls him Phillip anymore.

Ian, lot like his mam, which is handy for the others,

cos she's disappeared into thin air.

And Carl. We daren't let him grow his hair for two reasons.

One, it makes it stand on end and makes him look like Toyah.

Two, nits love him.

Debbie! Sent by God, total angel.

You've to check your change,

but she'll go miles out of her way to do you a favor.

Plus lickle Liam, who's gonna be a star someday.

Sheila, me bird. Couldn't be happier.

One plate short of a full set, like.

And fantastic neighbors, Kev and Veronica.

Lend you anything. Well, almost anything.

Carol and Marty, the lodgers from hell.

Last of the lonely hearts and a psychologist's wet dream.

Still, nobody's perfect.

But all of 'em, to a man, know first and foremost

one of the most vital necessities in life is,

they know how to throw a party!

[chuckles] Scatter!

♪ What's new, Pussycat? Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ What's new, Pussycat? Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

[woman] Get your shirt off, Frank!

♪ Pussycat, Pussycat I've got flowers ♪

♪ And lots of hours To spend with you ♪

♪ So, go and powder Your cute little pussycat nose ♪

♪ Pussycat, Pussycat I love you ♪

♪ Yes, I do... ♪

[Ian] Someone once said that life's what happens

when you're busy making other plans. Feels about right.

We're all so busy looking at the road ahead,

we never really notice where we're at,

which is dangerous, because sometimes

there's a great, big, fucking juggernaut coming.

State of him. How does it happen?

-How do you get like that? -♪ You're a tosser... ♪

-People love him. -Yeah, I know.

And it's pathetic.

So, er, who are you going to vote for? Queen?

[Ian] No one. They're all terrible.

♪ Pussycat, Pussycat I love you ♪

♪ Yes, I do ♪

♪ It's not unusual You and your pussycat eyes ♪

♪ Both of them ♪

[music playing]

[Lip] How much for a tit wank, girls?

-Dunno. What you offering? -Don't pay for it.

-Don't have to. -ls that right?

Got 'em queuing 'round the block.

-[car engine revs] -When you're ready.

Gotta go. See you later, if you're lucky.

Poke my sister, you're dead.

[tires screeching]

♪ He says, I'm sorry I'm out of milk and coffee ♪

♪ Never mind, sugar We can watch the early... ♪

-We need words, Councilor. -The matter's closed.

Far from it, Mr. Karib.

The Catholic Youth Club provides an important social function,

knitting together the fabric of this community

-and I-- -It's a drugs den.

-Its closure might-- -It's a fucking drugs den.

It's not a drugs den. It's a youth club,

for good, honest kids with nowhere else to go.

And whilst it may be convenient

for you and your council cronies to dismiss that,

so you can line your pockets by selling the land,

those kids need God's good guidance.

-I've bought drugs from there. -The motion's passed.

It's being demolished. End of story.

The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand

that does not grasp. You may care to remember that.

[indistinct chatter]

[crowd cheering]

Here you go, Carol. Supplies, courtesy of Hotel Britannica.

[Carol] I'm not sewing 'em now.

What have you brought it all here for?

-We're shooting off to a party. -What sort of party?

-The sort you're not coming to. -[Ian] Hiya.

[Lip] All right. Can you get us some take-outs?

Yeah. What are you after?

-A few cans. Lager will do. -Strongest you've got.

So, you're not inviting us, then?

No offence, Sue, but it's gonna be pretty hardcore.

Well, we can do hardcore, can't we, Marty?

-We've heard. -[Marty] Golden shower!

[cheering and applause]

[cheering]

[Kev] Great stuff, great stuff.

Next we've got Wendy Wagstaff, everyone!

-Come over here. -[crowd cheering]

[Kev] Hello, darling. You all right?

Tell us who you're gonna be tonight, Wendy.

Kev, tonight, I'm going to be Karen Carpenter.

[crowd cheering]

Jesus! Shoot me now!

[turns engine off]

-You're working too hard. -[Kash] It's only short-term,

just till all this council stuff's been dealt with.

Hey, there's a conference in a couple of weeks.

Harrogate. You could come over. Hotel's been paid for.

Night.

Night.

[engine starts]

Only got a few hours' kip. Those pills were proper mental.

-Do you fancy another? -We can't!

Why not? Sly half. It'll give the day an interesting spin.

And by the way, Zoe said to tell you

that she'll be expecting you after work.

[knocking on door]

All right, Blondie?

Oh, no.

[pounding on door]

Can I see me fucking brother?

Kev! Kev, let us in.

[Kelly] Fuck off!

Fuck off yourself, you dirty, fucking scaghead!

[Kelly] Come on, Kev, open the door.

Let me in, Kev. I can see-- Move your fucking hand, you...

[Veronica] Buzz off!

There's no way, Kel, not after last time.

Veronica would have me bollocks in a bag.

She just doesn't like me.

She caught you shooting up in our bog.

-I'm clean now. Honest. -It's not just that.

It's you two. You're at each other like cat and dog.

Dog's right, in her case.

[Kelly sighs] I'm working again.

I've got money coming in, look.

I've finally found something I'm good at.

-I just need a room, that's all. -I can't help you, babes.

You'll have to ask about.

I'm sure someone could do with the extra reddies.

Contemporary living accommodation,

conveniently situated close to all local amenities.

How much are we talking?

[Ian] Twenty gift packs sorted. Five a pop.

Don't rip it. Dickhead!

-[Carl] Fuck off! -[Ian] You fuck off!

Wendy says she'll take another-- What are you doing? Scissors.

Another 30 for the market,

but only if we can get the same price as last time. And Lisa's

-gonna get back to us. -Good morning.

Morning.

So blag.

No, sorry. Put it back.

-[thuds] -What are you on about?

That bread was bought by communal money.

Money earned by everyone, with one exception.

So, I am supposed to starve, am I, cos I can't find work?

-You've not even looked. -You've not even been trying.

I don't even live here. Well, you act as if you do

and eat as if you do.

Everyone has to contribute, Sue.

I'll pay for her.

Well, she's my guest, so I'll just earn twice as much.

Problem sorted.

And how are you gonna do that, Marty?

Get a job. How do you think?

You've been for a dozen jobs this year.

You've not got a single one.

Donkey dick! Sorry.

Bumface!

Motherfucker-shit-wank-twat-face! [imitates dog bark]

Look.

I've put adverts up. Handyman.

You know, fixing stuff.

-Sue reckons work will come rolling in. -Mm.

Fine, but we're not having passengers.

If you're staying here, you pay your way.

Aw.

Bone idle!

[doorbell rings]

-I got your invite. -What invite?

From Jack. Said you'd told him to...

[distant dog barking]

He thinks he's funny. He likes playing God with people.

Maybe he was being benevolent.

You know...

forcing us together.

That's what we both want, innit?

Bit of a time together.

Whatever happened to courtship?

Dates?

Flowers? If all you want is a quick jump, Lip,

you've got the wrong girl.

Jack. Hiya.

God, sorry, I was miles away.

-Lip's not here. -I'm not looking for Lip.

-Right. -[woman] It's ridiculous...

Erm...

-Do you want a drink? -All right.

Unless you fancy something a bit stronger?

[indistinct chatter]

[Ian sniffing]

[Jack] That'll soften the edges.

Oh. [sniffs]

You're not kidding.

God, it's burning.

Fuck, that's really...

Do you like that?

No, not yet. Tomorrow.

[Jack exhales]

-You home? -[zipper closes]

Definitely.

Good.

[Sheila] Oh, Sadie. All nice and clean now, aren't ya?

[vacuum cleaner whirring]

-Hi. -Damsel in distress.

Needing shelter, somewhere to call home.

Kelly. Kev's sister.

Oh. Pleased to meet you.

Said she could have Karen's room.

Right. Right. Er, shoes. Take your shoes off.

[Sadie barks]

[Frank] Up you go.

Go on, make yourself comfy.

-[sighs] -It's at the back, here.

-[Sheila] Frank. -Oh.

She used to be on drugs.

Well, who didn't?

I mean, what sort of society is it if we can't offer forgiveness?

You know, if a young deviant doesn't deserve

a second chance? Tell me that.

Yeah.

It would be nice to have an extra pair of hands

-helping out. -Exactly!

Bit of company for you,

-help with the kids. -Yeah.

She's like an au pair without the accent.

Au pair?

You're not gonna have sex with her, are you?

I mean, I've seen a documentary about it on Channel Five.

It's almost an epidemic.

Hello! Sex?

-I've got you, haven't I? -[both chuckle]

Do you really think I'd be interested in some

-slip of a-- -[Sheila sighs]

Gonna jump in shower.

[Kelly] Can I help myself to shampoo and that?

Yeah.

-[door closes] -[chuckles]

[distant siren wailing]

[knocks]

[Jack] Anyone home?

[both breathing heavily]

[both chuckle]

[Jack sighs]

[Kash] There you go, Lillian.

You haven't got anything to unblock drains,

-have you, Kash? -Not unless you wanna try

-the vodka. -[door opens]

Twenty Bensons.

Five-twenty.

The Catholic community is very loyal, Kash.

It'd be unfortunate if your livelihood

were to suffer because of their principles.

-Is that some kind of threat? -[door opens]

God works in mysterious ways.

And so does Allah. Now, piss off

before I strangle you with your rosaries.

[engine starts]

[Jack] I've gotta go.

I'll see you soon.

When?

Who knows? That's the fun of it.

[doorbell rings]

Who says courtship's dead?

You'll have to do better than that!

Jesus!

[exhales]

I'm free Friday, if you wanna try harder.

-[phone rings] -Phone.

[Carl] Hello?

-Handy Andy? -That's me!

Hello. Yeah. No, that's me middle name.

One minute. I'll just get a pen.

What have you been doing in my room?

Borrowing your hair dryer. Mine's blown.

-[Marty] All right. -Ask Marty.

What's happened, Debs?

The housekeeping's gone missing.

A hundred and twenty pounds.

Well, don't look at me.

[Debbie] Well, it was there this morning.

-Who else has been in there? -You can accuse me

of a lot of things, but I'm not a thief!

All right, bye. I've got me first job!

You know the other day, when you came round to ours?

What of it?

It were good, wasn't it?

[chuckles]

Forbidden fruit and all that.

Nah, I mean, like...

really good.

I've gotta go. Do you need a lift anywhere?

Nah, I'll walk. I fancy a bit of air.

[car engine starts]

-[Kelly] Oh, yeah. -[man] Yeah.

[Kelly moaning]

-[Kelly] Oh, God! Oh! -[man] Yeah.

-[Kelly moaning] -[man panting]

[Kelly] Get down there. Get down there.

[masturbating]

-[man pants] -[Kelly moans]

[Kelly] Oh, yeah.

-Christ! -[Frank groans]

Get in, get in, get in.

[Sheila] What were you doing?

Kelly. Bloke in with her. Shagging. [imitates moans]

-What, now? -Yeah.

-In there? -Yes.

Two people, having sex...

on the other side of that wall.

-[Sheila breathes deeply] -[Frank] Er.

[Frank] Oh.

-[Sue] How blonde's blonde? -Don't go mad.

I don't wanna end up look like Margi Clarke.

I hope you're charging for that.

-Er, Debs. -She's been like this all week.

-Has she told you why? -Why what?

[Sue] Debbie thinks I've stolen money.

Oh, come on, Debs, you can't go round saying things like that.

-Well, someone has. -Has anyone seen my keys?

I can't find them anywhere.

-They've got the shop keys on. -Have you looked in the bedroom?

No, Carl. I never thought of that.

This place is such a fucking tip it could be anywhere.

Right, I'm off to work.

-[gasps] Look at you! -Bloody hell!

I never thought I'd see the day!

No, this is the new me.

Sue reckons there's no end to where it could lead.

-[Sue] See ya. -See ya.

Have a good day, worker.

I'll cook you summat special for tea.

Half of these are ballads.

I draw the line at fucking ballads.

What about "Goldfinger"?

Everyone loves a Bond theme,

-apart from that one by Duran Duran. -Morning.

Good morning.

You got any juice? Me mouth tastes like rotting fish.

[Sheila] I've made you some breakfast.

-Fresh coffee, toast. -[Kelly] Brilliant.

I'm starving.

-Er... -[babies cooing]

...will your friend be joining us?

-No. -[Sheila] Oh.

He shot off early.

He's a train driver, morning shift.

[Sheila] Oh.

That's a shame.

Well, tell him if he wants to join us again...

he's more than welcome.

[breathes deeply]

[babies cooing]

[Lillian] I thought your voice sounded familiar.

[chuckles] Drains need doing.

Stink to high heaven. And a spot of painting.

My Brendan used to do all this, God rest his soul.

He were useless at most things,

but give him a trowel and some caustic soda,

he was happy as a pig in shit. Kettle's on.

[tires screeching]

Hey, Marty! Marty! [laughs]

-Bastard! [screams] -[glass breaks]

-Oh, dear God! Marty! -[Marty grunts]

Oh, I hurt me hand!

[Lillian] Wriggle your fingers for me.

How do you know how to do all this?

I do a first aid course down community center.

You'd be surprised how often it comes in.

You'll have to rest that for a few days.

No, I-- I'm fine, honest!

[stammers] I need to keep working and I need the money...

And I like being here. I don't want to let you down.

-Spunk-face! [grunts] -Aww!

You remind me of my Brendan.

People used to mock because of his stammer.

Anything with an S in it, well, you were buggered.

But once you got to know him, he had heart of gold.

It's lonely without him, Marty.

You don't realize what loneliness is until you lose your soulmate.

-[chuckles] -Mm.

Will you stay to tea? I've got a shepherd's pie in.

It were Brendan's favorite.

[Carol] I've only one pair of hands, you know?

It's gonna take me weeks to get through this lot.

The concierge is ill at the moment, so it's easy pickings.

So, when do we see our cut of this?

When all the money comes in.

And when's that likely to be?

Don't worry, mate, you'll get it.

-I'm just gonna use your bog. -[Lip] Go for it.

[indistinct conversation]

[toilet flushes]

-What the fuck you doing? -Forbidden fruit and all that.

Fuck off! Lip's downstairs.

-I'm sorry. -Here.

You left these in me car.

Wow! You look amazing.

Don't look so bad yourself.

How're my two favorite girls?

You know the trouble here, you're too similar.

You could be bezzie mates if you'd only let yourselves.

Oh, fuck's sake! Look. We're grown-ups.

Can't we just have a drink and let bygones be bygones?

Suits me.

-Fine. -Rum and coke

and whatever for Blond...

-Veronica. -There, now. Happy families.

Actually, me date's here.

It'll have to be another time.

We always look out for each other, me and Jack.

I suppose we have to. We're the only family we've really got.

You can have a couple of ours, if you want.

-[Zoe chuckles] -Liam's cute.

Bites a bit, but he'll grow out of it eventually.

-[Lip chuckles] -Jack says you're clever.

The last thing you need's to get trapped 'round here.

-I won't. -How do you know?

I'm different.

[chuckles] Same again?

You fucking wanker! Look at the state of her.

-Your brother owes me money. -Oh, you'll get it, arsehole!

I know, cos you're gonna go and remind him.

Apologize. -You what?

-I said, apologize. -Or you'll be doing what?

Lip, leave it. Look, I'm fine

I'll tell Jack to pay you for the gear.

So, why don't we just forget all about it?

Fucking slapper!

[groaning]

[grunts]

Come on.

-Come on. -[laughing]

[both laughing]

-[Lip panting] -[Zoe moans]

[panting continues]

[moaning continues]

He's calling her "dirty bitch". He's asking her to bite him.

Look, Sheila, I'm up for a bit of, you know--

I like kinky as much as the next bloke,

-but, you know, this is... -He's begging her!

She's slapping him and he's begging her!

You'll be drilling a fucking hole next.

I mean, can't we just-- This is the third night running.

No wonder the fucking trains

-are running late. -This isn't the train driver.

-Nor was the one this afternoon. -[indistinct shouting]

Different voices, different requests.

-What? -She's playing the field,

saucy minx.

She's had sex with four different blokes!

-[buzzing] -I mean, how many fucking

boyfriends does she--

I finally found something I'm good at.

I just need a room, that's all.

Oh, Jesus Christ!

Last little whorehouse in Chatsworth.

[door slams]

[keys jingling]

[door opens]

[thud]

[thud]

Turn around and fuck off!

You can keep the money.

Just get the fuck out of my shop!

Now!

-[spraying] -[Kash groans] You fucking...

-[blows landing] -[Kash groaning]

[groaning continues]

[thudding]

[distant police siren wailing]

How's my little sister getting on? She keeping herself out of trouble?

She's a prostitute.

Prostitute?

As in?

Pros-tit-tute.

Shags men for money in my fucking house.

Frank, that is my little sister you're calling a tart,

so you better have your facts--

Men come in day and night, so to speak.

Hour at a time: ''Lick me'', ''Spank me."

"Let me call you Mummy."

Where else do you think she's getting the fucking wedge from?

-Oh, Jesus! -[Frank] Yeah.

I'll have words. I'll ask her to leave--

Oh, you can't have that going on in--

You can't.

Sheila likes it.

-You what? -Turns her on.

She thinks Kelly's got a healthy sex life.

She doesn't realize she's living with Cynthia fucking Payne.

Getting luncheon vouchers in a minute.

What's up with you two?

-On the game, Kel? -[Kelly] What?

Oh, have you got this off him? Perveball?

I can't walk round the house without him undressing me with his eyes.

-Hey! No, she's-- -So, I've had the odd man back.

Catching up for lost time, aren't I?

That's the thing when you get clean, your libido runs rampant.

Here's your rent.

He were laid there for hours. Unconscious. Blood everywhere.

-Well, this is Father Crichton. -That's what I said.

-It's gotta be, Kash. -He goes 'round making threats

and then you end up looking like this.

[mumbles] They were robbing us.

They only got a bit of money, a few tokens.

Oh, and Kash's mobile.

But weirdest thing is, there were no forced entries,

so God knows how they got in.

They had keys.

You what?

[Yvonne] He reckons they had keys.

[knocking on door]

How does it feel, hon?

[Marty through door] Er, good.

Length's OK?

[Marty] Perfect.

[Marty clears throat]

Oh, God. It is.

It's him.

It's like seeing my Brendan for the very first time.

Say the line.

Er...

I haven't got much sh-sh-shore leave, pretty lady...

[sniffs] ...but what I have got, I'd like to s-s-spend with you.

Er, what did he call you?

Lillian.

Well, Lilly, may I buy you a drink?

-Pint of stout. -[Marty clears throat]

["Mandolins in the Moonlight" by Perry Como playing]

Prick! Cunt!

Fucker!

[chuckles]

♪ See what magic you start ♪

♪ A song of Italy sings in... ♪

Cunt!

Tit-wank!

♪ ...of my heart... ♪

[doorbell rings]

[bangs]

-Yeah? -Is Jack in?

-Depends whose asking. -Ian Gallagher.

I'm a... friend.

[Claire] Jack?

All right?

Won't be long.

What the fuck are you doing coming here unannounced?

Nice girlfriend, Jack. Fit an' all.

-You can't... -Does she know you like sucking cock?

Shut it! I mean it, Ian, I will break your fucking legs.

It's you, innit?

The break-in, the stolen money.

I've no idea what you're talking about.

-You used me. -If you're gonna talk shit, Ian--

You left him for dead!

He's my boyfriend.

Bloke you knocked seven shades of shit out of

-is my fucking boyfriend! -[Jack] Ian. You're upset.

-But you've got-- -Fuck off!

You stole my keys. Used them to do over the shop.

You left 'em in my car. I give you them back.

Now, why would I do that, Ian?

If I'd nicked them, why would I not chuck 'em?

See, if I were you,

I'd think very carefully about what you're accusing.

-[door opens] -Is everything all right?

Yeah, we've just finished. Haven't we, Ian?

[door closes]

["Close To You" by The Carpenters playing]

♪ Why do birds suddenly appear ♪

♪ Every time you are near? ♪

♪ Just like me... ♪

[Lillian] I miss him so much. What if I die, Marty?

What if I go without ever being touched again?

You might meet someone new. Who knows?

Attractive woman like you-- Sucky-fucked!

One night, Marty.

I'll put a word in down at community center for ya.

They're looking for somebody permanent. Caretaker.

You need never be out of work!

Er, I'd like to, but I've got a girlfriend and she's lovely.

It's still all in full working order. I've even had a bath!

-It's not that, honest, Lillian! -I'll pay you! Double money.

Nobody need ever know! Oh!

OK.

♪ ...to create a dream come true ♪

♪ So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold ♪

♪ And starlight in your eyes of blue... ♪

[knocks] Are you ready, Marty?

Marty?

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm really, really sorry!

-Marty, what happened? -Have you joined the navy?

She went mental! Had me dressing up as her dead husband.

-Lillian? -She wanted me to shag her!

She were offering money and everything. Bucket of spunk!

-Oh, Come here. -No, no. Now I've let you down

and I-- I've lost me work and I said I wouldn't.

I'm really sorry, Sue. But it weren't my fault, honest.

It's all right. We'll manage.

I noticed they're looking for checkout girls

-at Cost Checker. -Mmm. Five-fifty an hour.

How much is Lillian offering?

[chuckling]

-[clattering] -[police siren wailing]

Lip. What the fuck you doing?

Is that what Juliet said to Romeo?

It would be if he turned up pissed

at four in the morning. Where's Jack?

Still at the party.

I had to see you.

You make me so fucking horny.

Is that what Romeo said to Juliet?

Act four, scene five.

[both chuckle]

Wait there.

[buzzing]

She's got two of them in there.

You've got a lot of catching up to do.

[buzzing]

What a night! Party was brilliant!

Jack gets these E's, I've never had anything like 'em,

they make your knob tingle.

Hey, you should come out sometime with us--

He's a wanker!

The fuck you talking about?

Look, he were the one that broke into the shop and beat Kash up.

He were the one that stole the housekeeping money!

Don't try and stick up for him, Lip, because I know it's right.

-You don't even know him. -Don't I?

We've been at it like rabbits.

We've done it right there on the floor!

And you know what? It's the best sex I've ever had.

-You're lying. -Ask him.

You're fucking lying! He's straight.

Didn't look very straight when I was sucking his cock.

He's greased us round with his flash car,

cool fucking life, and we've fallen for it,

but who is he, Lip?

Who the fuck have we let into our lives?

He's not your fucking mate! He's fuck all to do with you.

All I wanted was something different outside of this house,

this fucking family!

And you can't stand it, can you?

You can't stand being left behind.

It's not about me, Lip.

He's the best mate I've ever had.

His sister's amazing.

And you have to go and interfere with it.

Open your eyes. He's a cunt!

You're the one that brought him into this house,

so you're the one that can get rid of him.

[sighs] You know what, Ian?

That's not gonna happen.

Got any plans for tonight?

No, not really. Why? What you offering?

Me and Zoe are going local,

thought you could bring Claire along.

Fucking foursome!

You'll be arranging dinner parties next.

Actually, there'll be five of us.

Bring your mate, Charlie.

-[Frank] No, no! Jesus fucking-- -[Sheila panting] Please.

-[Frank] I'm trying to get ready! -I need you.

I need you to perform for me, Frank.

-[Sheila breathes heavily] -[Frank] I'm fucking exhausted!

-Fuck! -You can't deny a woman

her sexual needs. [pants] I'm in my prime.

-[indistinct shouting] -What's happening?

They're role-playing.

[Sheila] She's being a whore, he's refusing to pay.

She's calling him all kinds of bastard.

[Sheila panting]

He's hitting her. He's hitting her.

-He's hitting her. Oh. -[Kelly screaming]

[indistinct shouting]

Frank, he really is hitting her. Oh, God, Frank.

Oh, God, Frank. No! He's hitting her!

[Frank] Well-- Oh, fucking hell, Sheila!

-[Sheila shrieks] -[man grunts]

-Get up or you get another one. -Jesus!

What sort of place is this?

It's just a normal family home. How much he owe you?

-Er, 50. -Come on.

Here. You'll need that for the deposit on your next accommodation.

Now, get out.

-Go on. -[man grunts]

[dog barking]

Without further ado, let's welcome on stage the first act.

It's Wendy Wagstaff, everyone!

-Come on, Wendy. -[crowd cheering]

Wendy's a mother of six and I believe her interests

are smoking, drinking and the work of Archimedes.

Er, Wendy, tell us who you're gonna be.

Tonight, Kev, I'm gonna be...

Britney Spears!

♪ Oh, baby, baby... ♪

-Jack, shout us one up, mate. -What are you having?

[Lip] Same as you, please, mate.

Another one of them, please.

[Wendy] ♪ Supposed to know ♪

♪ Something wasn't right here ♪

♪ Oh, baby, baby I shouldn't have let you go ♪

♪ Now you're out of sight, dear ♪

♪ Show me how you want it to be... ♪

Sights you see when you haven't got your gun.

I'm a man of God! I'd never do something like that!

So, is your Pope and he were a Nazi!

Whatever my quarrel, I would never stoop to the use of violence.

Well, that's where we're different. Now go on, fuck off,

-before I feed you to lions. -Yvonne!

Yvonne, he was nothing to do with it. It was me.

I fucked up.

I shagged someone else.

One of Lip's mates.

He stole my keys, it was him that robbed you.

It was him that nearly killed you...

and I know you're both gonna hate me,

but I never meant for any of this to happen, I swear.

And I wanted to tell you sooner but he's Lip's mate.

And they're both in the pub now, laughing and joking,

like nothing ever happened.

It's my fault.

It's all my stupid fault.

This isn't about me. You two better talk.

["Big spender" playing]

[crowd cheering, whistling]

♪ The minute you walked In the joint ♪

♪ I could feel you were A man of distinction ♪

♪ A real big arsehole ♪

♪ Good-looking, so refined ♪

♪ Say, wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my mind? ♪

♪ So, let me get right to the point ♪

♪ I don't pop my cork for every guy ♪ Oh! I see ♪

♪ Hey, big spender... ♪

[man] OK, get away, pal.

♪ Spend ♪

♪ A little time with me ♪

♪ Wouldn't you like to have fun, fun, fun ♪

♪ How's about a few laughs, laughs, laughs ♪

♪ I could show you a good time ♪

♪ Let me show you a ♪

♪ Good time ♪

♪ The minute you walked In the joint ♪

♪ I could see you were a... ♪

Zoe! Zoe!

-Zoe! -What the fuck...

What's Kash doing on this phone? Where does it come from?

What you on about, why?

This isn't your phone. Where'd you get it?

-Did Jack give it yer? -Lip, I'm saying nothing...

Tell me!

-Oh, he got it knock-off. Why? -Bastard!

So he did some cunt for a phone, fucking difference does it make?

[Frank] ♪ Hey, big spender ♪

♪ Hey, big spender... ♪

-You bastard! -[Jack groans]

Come on! You've ruined everything. You fucking liar!

Hey, you're right in the middle of the fucking crescendo here.

-[music ends] -[Lip grunts]

What's he done, tell me what the fuck he's done!

-I'll tell ya. -And who the hell are you?

-[all groan] -See him?

He's the one that broke into our shop.

Left Kash for dead

and he'd do the same to any one of yer.

You're a dead man.

[Jack grunts]

Lads.

[Jack] Agh! Jesus!

Shall I start again or what?

It were the first time, Kash, honest.

There's never been anybody else and there won't be again.

-It's just-- No. -Ian.

I have to say it because look at you!

What he did.

And that was my doing.

Cos you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.

-Come here. -I can't.

I don't deserve you.

[Ian sobbing]

If it hadn't been that guy, it'd have been someone else.

I made a mistake, that's all.

Just a stupid mistake.

We always knew it wouldn't last forever, Ian.

[Ian] No.

Don't talk like that, Kash.

Please.

Just don't-- Don't talk like it's over.

I've met someone else.

Who is he?

Does it matter? He's single. Older.

-He knows what he wants. -[sobs]

Were you gonna fucking tell me?

Harrogate.

One last weekend.

[Ian sobs]

[siren wailing in distance]

-[both gasp] -Jesus!

-Mandy. -You scared me half to death.

[sighs]

-God, you-- -[Mandy] State of you.

It's gonna be a girl.

Our little baby daughter.

She's due start of next month.

Can I...

-touch her? -[Mandy chuckles]

Go on, then. Be quick.

Listen, my mum's on her way, so you'd best not hang about.

Yeah.

See you around then.

Good luck, yeah?

[Ian] Sometimes,

we get so wrapped up in getting what we want...

that we never really ask ourselves why we wanted it in the first place.

[distant siren wailing]

[indistinct shouting]

Lip, they've robbed the shop!

Mandy Maguire's been taken to hospital.

My daughter's been knocked down and someone's gonna get

a big fucking kicking for it, I'll tell you that for nothing.

Take it from me, this horse has already won.

We'll get all the cash together we can

and we'll put it all on.

Stay away from my daughter and her baby.

Are you the handyman?

-What is it you need fixing? -I've written a list.

Lillian recommended you.

That all looks OK. Will you be needing a quote?

[Marty stifles outburst]