Original subtitles

Okay, everybody.

The Harvest

Festival is tomorrow.

And I am so

proud of all of you.

You've worked so hard.

You're amazing.

So, I have a surprise.

And it is possibly

the best thing to potentially

ever happen to anyone,

anywhere, in

the history of the universe.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the world famous

Little Sebastian.

What?

Yes.

No way!

ANDY: Oh, my God!

(ALL LAUGHING)

It's really him.

That's really

Little Sebastian?

Yes, this is him.

TOM: That is Little Sebastian?

Take my picture.

Well done, Leslie.

Well done!

I never thought

I'd get to meet him.

Little Sebastian

made his debut

at the last

Harvest Festival in 1987,

and he was

an instant phenomenon.

That week, he was the eighth

most photographed

object in America.

So, suck it, The Alamo.

TOM: I'm sitting next

to Little Sebastian.

LESLIE: I know, I know.

Right now, I'm here,

Little Sebastian's

right there.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Wow. So, what am I missing?

What's the deal

with this pony?

He's not a pony, Ben.

He's a mini-horse.

There's a big difference.

Well, then,

why is he so famous?

Does he do something?

What does he do?

Yeah, he does

being a mini-horse

and he does it

better than anyone.

Son, this horse has an

honorary degree

from Notre Dame.

LESLIE: We all need to be

very careful. Okay?

Remember.

This little guy is 25 now.

And he has

cataracts in both eyes.

He has severe arthritis.

Jerry's going to

look after him.

Yes, I am. We are both

on the same

diabetes medication.

Are you my Glucotrol buddy?

Are you?

Isn't it amazing?

Yeah. I've just

got to be honest.

I don't know what

the big deal is.

Get out.

Okay, couldn't you

put Sue's Salads here?

On Deep Fried Boulevard?

It's just... There's

so many junk food places

and only one salad stand.

Well, we wanna make money,

not make people

hate themselves.

Salads are my life.

Of course. I'm sorry.

You know what we'll do?

We'll make Sue's Salads

the official

healthy choice of

the Harvest Festival.

Huh!

That's great. Thank you.

Of course. Sure.

Nobody's gonna come

to your stupid booth anyway.

I'm sorry?

The Harvest Festival

is the biggest thing

I've ever done in my career.

And if it fails,

the Parks Department

will be eliminated.

That's why we're going big.

Seven days,

over 30 different locations,

fifty thousand plus visitors

and four hospitality kiosks.

God, I've got to stop ending

on that boring thing.

Clowns.

Well, no, you cannot

sell home-brewed water.

And again, no,

I would not like to taste it.

But thank you for coming in.

April, who's next?

Man, you are just

knocking these off.

You're like a ninja crossed

with a Jedi or something.

You're like a nerd mixed

with a dork or something.

Tom, Star Wars

is not that nerdy.

(MOCKING) No, Star Wars

is not that nerdy.

It's not.

Everyone has seen it.

BEN: Everyone.

This guy's here.

Hey, Ken.

Hi, Leslie.

This is Ben and Tom.

That's a dope bolo.

This is Ken Hotate.

He is the tribal

leader of the Wamapoke.

(SPEAKS NATIVE AMERICAN

LANGUAGE)

(RESPONDS IN NATIVE

AMERICAN LANGUAGE)

I just said,

"Hello, honored guest."

Although,

literally translated,

it means, "May you be blessed

with a million possums."

The Wamapoke

used to use

possum as currency.

Well...

(SPEAKING NATIVE

AMERICAN LANGUAGE)

No, don't. Okay.

Have a seat.

Ken, I know why you're here.

And just let me say

that we really tried.

I'm sorry, Leslie,

but this is a big one.

I'm under a lot of pressure.

I'm going to need

to formally ask you

to move the carnival.

I'm sorry. What's going on?

The carnival is on the site of

the Battle of Indian Hill,

which was an epic

seven-day battle

that the Wamapoke lost

due to the fact that

they didn't have any weapons.

During the battle,

93-year-old Chief Wakote

was shot 102

times by the cavalry.

Did he die?

Yes.

And this moment

will be commemorated

for the next seven days

with shooting galleries

and fried dough stands.

Ken, I understand,

but this is

the only place in town

that's big enough to

house the carnival rides.

Plus, you know

with Pawnee's history,

it's very difficult

to not be offensive.

This is a map of

all the atrocities

the Pawnee settlers

inflicted upon

the Wamapoke Indians.

The atrocities are in blue.

We put up a memorial plaque,

and we have a Wamapoke exhibit

in the history tent.

We're really trying.

I completely understand you,

I mean, I really do.

But this is

sacred burial ground.

And I just hope

that the souls of my ancestors

don't put a curse

on this festival.

There are two things I know

about white people.

They love Rachael Ray

and they are

terrified of curses.

...right over there.

We'll be good. Thanks.

BEN: Hey.

LESLIE: Hey.

So, somebody,

I don't want to say who,

it was totally me,

got Sweetums to donate

another 15

cotton candy machines.

Great! Sweets!

Yeah.

Take that, curse.

(IMITATES GUNSHOTS)

Ow, ow, ow!

Right in the chest.

Bazooka.

Fire it again.

You're dead.

Bazooka.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

That's funny.

Get a room.

Okay, so guys, focus up.

Joan Callamezzo is coming by

with a camera crew

for an exclusive, last minute

walk-through of

the Harvest Festival

before we open tomorrow.

So, everything

needs to be perfect.

Joan is always

looking for a scandal.

She's like

an eagle-eyed tiger.

Eagle-Eyed Tiger.

New band name. I call it.

So, everybody, gather around.

Let's grab hands.

RON: I don't hold hands.

LESLIE: Okay.

You're all amazing,

wonderful people.

And I really want

you to have fun today

and not focus on the fact

that if one thing goes wrong,

we're all going

to lose our jobs.

That's not inspiring.

Okay. Let's go

get them everybody.

Okay. Yes.

Any concerns,

address them to Ron.

Yes.

The advantage of

being Leslie's boss

is that she does

everything herself

and there are

never any problems.

Which means for the next week,

I can sit in a lawn chair

and read this

book about old boats.

Excuse me,

I have to get back to work.

Hey, whatever happened to you

and the Bionic Man?

Chris? He broke up with me,

but he did it so nicely

that I didn't even

realize he did it.

I've done that

to multiple men.

How are you doing?

Are you doing okay?

Thank you so much

for asking.

It's been tough.

Yeah. Two days ago,

I was sobbing at

a pizza buffet,

and they asked me to leave.

I've been looking at

some dog adoption websites.

Bought $700 worth of

candles from Anthropologie.

I did this to my hair.

You know,

your basic

bottoming out kind of stuff.

Yeah.

Normally, people tell you

to talk about your problems.

I'm going to recommend

you bottle that noise up.

That's what my mailman said.

Muah-muah...

Murder.

Murder the most melons.

Shaquille showered.

Shame on Shakira's sheets.

Hello, Joan.

Hello, Leslie.

Looks like a very

impressive festival.

But we'll see.

We'll see.

You remember Ben.

Hi.

It's nice to

see you again.

Let's get started.

Okay.

Now, the festival is spread

throughout the town,

but the centerpiece

is the carnival.

And over here is

Indiana's largest corn maze.

Wow. Is that Pawnee

corn or Eagleton corn?

Pawnee corn. And it's organic.

Over here,

we have our beautiful

Ferris wheel.

Beautiful, but deadly.

When was the last time

this giant wheel of

death was inspected?

Actually,

twice in the last week,

and everything is

100% up to code.

How many of these

carnies are illegals?

None. They're all

U.S. citizens.

Over in this booth,

Indiana basketball

legend Larry Bird's

84-year-old Aunt

Tilda will be signing

autographs for two

hours on Thursday.

You got Tilda?

Yeah.

Oh!

We got Tilda. But

the real coup is over there.

Little Sebastian.

Are you (BLEEP) kidding me?

You got Little Sebastian?

See for yourself.

Wow. He is so adorable.

Thank you, Joan.

And Little Sebastian

isn't bad, either!

(LAUGHING) Tom!

How are you?

Good.

Good to see you.

Hold on a second.

(IMITATES SQUEAKING)

What?

Did you get your breasts done?

You look amazing.

Yes, thanks for noticing.

Joan, listen to me.

This Harvest Festival,

it's going to

knock your socks off.

And when it does,

I'm going to be there

to give you a foot massage.

To completion.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Okay.

Good Lord.

I swear.

It's almost like they

don't want you to win.

Well, you better practice.

You've got to win

me a teddy bear.

I'm going to win you

a million teddy bears.

Well, I want

a billion teddy bears.

Well, that's

a little unrealistic.

This is a hard game.

Two million.

Deal.

Alright.

Hey, I love you.

Dude, shut up!

That is awesome sauce.

You're such a good boy.

Jerry, stop bothering

Little Sebastian.

Leslie said I should

watch him for a little bit.

Perfect.

I've got to go get him

a tail scrunchie.

Hi, Little Sebastian,

how's it going?

(AS LITTLE SEBASTIAN)

Pretty good. Just eating

some hay, hanging out.

What's your name?

(AS HIMSELF)

My name's Tom.

(AS LITTLE SEBASTIAN)

You're really well-dressed.

I like how you

got your T shirt

over your dress shirt.

You look way cooler

than everybody else here.

(AS HIMSELF)

Little Sebastian, come on,

you're making me blush.

Most people look

at Little Sebastian

and they see

a famous mini-horse.

I see an advertising

opportunity for my club,

the Snakehole Lounge.

Wow. That is a shockingly

huge mini-horse erection.

I don't think I'm

being unprofessional

when I say that

I really was hoping

for more tawdry scandals.

Well...

What about your

friend Ben here?

We all know his story.

One of failure,

remind us of that failure.

Well, you know,

when I was an

18-year-old mayor,

I tried to build

a winter sports complex

called Ice Town,

and it bankrupted the city.

Yikes.

I was also shortstop of my

J.V. baseball team.

No one ever brings that up.

And now,

you're involved with this.

Do I smell another disaster,

hopefully?

Look, Joan, this festival,

thanks to the tireless

efforts of Leslie Knope,

is going to bring people

nothing but happiness.

Not even I could

screw that up.

I'm a reporter,

not your therapist.

So, anytime someone

takes a picture of him,

the Snakehole's logo is in it.

Am I a genius or what?

Hey, Tom.

Where's Little Sebastian?

Uh...

Somebody left the gate open

and he got out, Jerry.

What? What are you

talking about?

Unbelievable.

Another in a long string

of miserable failures.

You lost Little Sebastian!

I wasn't even here!

Exactly.

Hopefully I can get

you out of this mess

that you and no

one else caused.

You were the one watching him.

Well, it's a poor workman

that blames his tools.

You look for him.

I'm going to go tell

everyone what you did.

The Harvest Festival starts

at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow morning.

And as far as this

reporter is concerned,

it's well worth your time.

Come on down, everyone.

It's going to be sweet.

It pains me to say this,

but, great job here.

Thank you.

That went well.

Yeah. It did.

Take that, curse.

Sorry?

What is this about a curse?

Curse?

What?

Nothing.

Did you...

Leslie! Leslie!

It's Little Sebastian.

He's gone.

Jerry let him escape,

and we don't know where he is.

Keep those cameras up.

We've got a new intro to do.

Gotcha.

Let's go ahead.

Let's get some shots

of chipped paint

and crying babies.

How about some of those spooky

traffic lights?

Okay, you know the drill.

Is it revenge of the Wamapoke?

An incompetent

government run amuck?

Or probably

something even worse

than any of those things?

While it seemed

everything was

ready for tomorrow

things aren't

exactly as they may seem.

Nailed it.

This is bad, right?

Yes, this is bad.

This is like a poop tornado.

This is like a poop-nado.

Okay, gross. But we can handle

a little bad publicity,

Leslie.

This is way worse than that.

This is a huge

government project,

and it's already

a lightning rod.

And then, you add

the Wamapoke controversy,

double lightning rod.

Plus,

we lost that little pony.

It's a mini-horse.

And that's

the third lightning rod.

Triple lightning rod.

And then, you have the curse.

Quadruple lightning rod.

This is a classic

four-rod-disaster.

Right, one of those.

God, now all

the vendors are going to bail,

and the ticket

sales will go down.

Wait. I'm sorry,

but do people in this town

really believe in curses?

Pawnee's an incredibly

superstitious town.

A traveling magician

came through one time

and he pulled

a rabbit out of a hat

and the mob

burned him at the stake

for being a witch.

The year was 1973.

We are really up a creek here.

What the heck

are we going to do?

You mean,

what are you gonna do?

No, what are do gonna you?

What am do gonna I?

That's a great question,

Jerry.

Can you believe we

left Little Sebastian

with this gentleman?

Okay, you were

the one watching him.

Apparently,

I'm not gonna

get any work done.

How did this happen?

Maybe Little

Sebastian got upset

because he tried to share

his true feelings with someone

and they didn't reciprocate.

That's not bad. Or maybe

a balloon popped somewhere

and it scared him,

sent him running off.

Tom, Jerry,

check the field

behind the parking lot.

I don't wanna go with Jerry.

He's the one who

deliberately caused me

to accidentally

let the horse out.

Jerry's fault.

ALL: Jerry's fault.

ALL: Jerry's fault.

Jerry's fault.

Stop it!

Hang on.

All of you listen to me.

That magnificent

little horse is lost

and he's probably

scared and it's our fault.

Tom, Jerry, you get along.

Andy, April,

check the corn maze.

Good idea.

Horses love mazes.

Come on.

Hey, Leslie?

This big, beefy dude

just came into

the first aid tent

because he was dehydrated,

and then,

a reporter came in and asked

if it was

because of the curse.

No comment.

Did you say, "No comment"?

You've got to

say "No comment."

I did.

Good, Ann.

You're so beautiful.

Beautiful Ann.

All right. Well,

just treat him and

release him, and then,

don't say anything to anyone

about anything for

the rest of the month.

Okay.

Okay. Run, Ann, run!

Leslie?

You've got to see this.

Yeah.

Thank you for having me.

The fact is this

carnival is being held

on top of an ancient

Wamapoke burial site.

Much like the house

in the movie Poltergeist?

Exactly.

I spoke to Leslie Knope

of the Parks Department

about moving

the carnival and she refused.

We do have exclusive

animation of that event.

Let's take a look.

I love these things. Sorry.

(BOTH MUMBLING)

(CHANTING)

(WHOOSHING)

(WOMAN SHOUTING)

Is that what happened?

Perd...

None of that happened.

That is exactly what happened.

All right. All right.

What we do is we move

the shooting gallery.

That seems to be

their biggest problem.

Maybe that will

make them happy.

Check back in

with News Channel 4,

number one in curse coverage.

ANDY: You know where

I would hide if I was a horse?

The merry-go-round.

Think about it.

You just stand still

right next to all

the other horses

and no one would ever know.

It's the perfect crime.

Oh, my God.

I'm gonna go look by myself.

Hey, are you all right?

You seem super not happy.

I'm fine.

I forgot to tell you,

I might be going to

Venezuela tomorrow.

Forever.

You're not fine.

Ludgate, I can read you

like the back of a book.

Something is upsetting you.

Why don't you just go ahead

and tell me what it is?

I'm not upset. I'm great. See?

April...

No, I'm not mad at him.

He's great.

I awesome sauce Andy.

April!

Oh, my God!

This maize is like a maze.

Left. Look right.

Yeah, okay.

I don't know what's sicker,

me or your body.

You aren't sick.

I'm not?

Maybe you should

check out my abs.

Are you

experiencing abdominal pain?

Every day at the gym.

Eww.

Feel.

Oh!

What are you doing tonight?

I'm prepping the medical tent.

I mean in terms of us.

I think I'm going

to have to pass.

Your loss.

Are you going to hit that?

Him?

He isn't exactly

boyfriend material.

Who said anything

about a boyfriend?

Use him. Abuse him. Lose him.

That's the Meagle motto.

Grammy Meagle thought me that.

She died at the age of 84.

Sandwiched between

two 30-year-olds.

You guys see anything?

No.

Hey, hey, hey.

Did you find him?

Yeah, Jerry.

He's right here in my pocket.

Damn it.

Okay, he can't

have gone that far.

He's got the legs of Tom,

the endurance of Jerry,

and the diseases of Jerry.

Ground mission failed.

We need a bird's eye view.

You want me to climb on top

of the Ferris wheel?

We're extremely confident

that there is no curse,

and everyone is going to have

a great time tomorrow. Okay?

Wow. First, Ice Town.

Now, this.

Bad luck really

follows you around?

LESLIE: Okay. I'd like to

start by addressing

some of the false

rumors about the festival.

First of all,

we have plenty of food.

There is no food shortage.

There are not,

as one reporter suggested,

dozens of escaped convicts

meandering

around the carnival.

And at no time was

any Parks Department worker,

quote, "Feasting on

petting zoo animals."

You were in charge of watching

a tiny horse and you failed.

Look, I'm only

going to say this once.

What if Little Sebastian

is on this Ferris wheel?

How about you

only say that never?

Leslie, how big of

a disaster will this be on

a scale of nine to ten?

It will not be a disaster.

It will be a success.

And I want to let

everyone know that,

in an attempt to be sensitive

to our Wamapoke friends,

we have moved

the shooting gallery,

per their request.

So, yes, Perd.

Yeah, the statement

that this reporter

has is a question.

Will that be enough

to lift the curse?

Perd, you know as well as I do

that there's no such...

JOAN: Oh, my God.

(PEOPLE MUTTERING ANXIOUSLY)

Crap on a spatula.

It's the curse.

That's exactly what it is.

You know what?

Everyone, relax, please.

We'll get this up

and running in no time.

TOM: Oh...

Jerry, what the hell?

I didn't do this.

Jerry's fault.

ALL: Jerry's fault.

Jerry's fault.

ALL: Jerry's fault.

Jerry's fault.

Oh, my God.

We cannot catch a break.

Yeah, well, I'll help you out.

I'm going to go.

What?

I feel like

I'm jinxed or something.

What are you talking about?

Look, you were totally fine

until I got involved.

So, I feel like

I should probably just go.

Okay?

I'm really sorry.

I'm the curse, I think.

So, I'm going to get

out of here. All right?

When they're

missing this long,

they're usually dead.

Well, if that's true,

then you're going

to have to answer

to the whole town.

And God.

Okay.

You were the one

who let him out, Tom.

Okay, now stop

trying to blame me.

Jerry, can you

please be quiet?

I can't hear myself

not talking to Andy.

Ron, will you

please tell me why

April is mad at me?

Ron, can you

please tell Andy...

All of you, be quiet.

Andy, she's mad

because you said

"awesome sauce"

instead of "I love you, too."

April, he loves you.

Stop being a child.

Tom, you're clearly

at fault here. Blaming Jerry

won't save you.

Jerry, we both know

you were shotgunning

funnel cakes

instead of

watching Little Sebastian.

So, everyone

apologize to everyone else.

JERRY: I'm sorry, Tom.

ALL: I'm sorry.

I do love you.

You do?

Yeah.

That's what, you know,

makes the sauce so awesome.

Aw! Jerry just farted.

I'm very upset.

I get nervous.

Hey, Leslie?

Generator's shot.

No.

I got the T.M.K. 2500

specifically for

the extra capacity.

Wow. You know your stuff.

You single?

Not now, Ed.

How could that happen?

All those TV crews plugged in

and overloaded it.

I knew it. Stupid media!

Let me tell you something,

freedom of press

is for the birds.

Okay. How and where

can I get a new one in,

like, I don't know, now?

There's only one place

in town that has

a generator that size.

You've got to be kidding me.

This festival

is supposed to be

my love letter to Pawnee.

Now it's just turned

into a note that says,

"I wanna see other people."

So, you need to

borrow our generator?

Ken, I am coming to you

on my knees, begging for help,

much like the early

settlers of Pawnee

begged the Wamapoke

200 years ago.

Now, but that was a...

A trick,

and over 50 Wamapoke

were slaughtered, I know.

But this is not a trick.

I am prepared to

put the Wamapoke

history exhibit inside

the carnival grounds,

right past

the entrance turnstile,

so that you have to look at it

before you start having fun.

Now, that's interesting.

It's been really

awesome looking at you.

Most carnival nurses

are total grenades.

Okay, you're all set.

You are free to go.

Or you could stay

here and make out with me

until the lights come back on.

Oh! Hell, yeah.

Beat it, Donna.

Aye-aye, Captain.

I'm just trying

to do something

good for this town,

and I'm trying to

save my friends' jobs.

Can you help me out here?

A Native American tribe making

a deal with the government.

What could go wrong?

You can have

the generator, Leslie.

Thank you, Ken.

And I will issue

a statement saying that

the curse has been lifted.

Well, actually,

I have another idea.

(CHANTING)

(SPEAKING IN NATIVE

AMERICAN LANGUAGE)

With that sacred ceremony,

the Wamapoke curse

has been lifted.

(CROWD APPLAUDS)

Wow. Thank you.

Intense stuff from Ken Hotate.

And in other good news,

he gave us a scare

but he's back now.

The one, the only,

Little Sebastian.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

RON: We spotted him from

the top of the Ferris wheel

at the center

of the corn maze.

After the power came back on,

we went and got him.

It took us four

hours to solve that maze.

It took the horse 15 minutes.

(RON CHUCKLES)

Jerry's still out there.

(RON LAUGHS)

I suppose I ought

to go look for him.

Right after I get a bratwurst.

Knock, knock. Hey, hot lips.

I got out of here

so fast last night

I wasn't able to scoop

them digits off of you.

Oh... Um...

Yeah, that's because

I didn't give them to you.

Oh. Carrying rage.

Well, then maybe I'll see you

around the hospital.

I don't mean to brag,

but I'm in

the emergency room like,

all the time.

Cool.

I'll see you later.

Boom!

He was really sweet, though.

You know, I'm just

gonna see if maybe

he wants to grab some...

Park it.

Fine.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

Welcome. Come on in. Have fun.

Thanks.

Enjoy yourself, ladies.

Hey.

Hey. Look who's back.

I'm sorry I left.

I honestly felt like I

was cursed or something.

Ice Town, and now this.

Ice Town was a disaster,

and it seems like it

was probably your fault.

From what I can tell,

you mismanaged

the hell out of it.

Wow. Why even

say that already?

But the point is,

this project,

this is as much

yours as it is mine.

It's ours, and it's

going to be really great.

And I'm glad you're here.

Wow. Thank you.

Is this the guy?

Yes. This is him.

(SPEAKING NATIVE

AMERICAN LANGUAGE)

Yes.

(COUGHING)

Special Wamapoke ceremony.

The curse has been lifted.

Wow. Thanks.

Yeah. Gosh, you're filthy.

Go clean yourself up.

Try to look professional.

(CONTINUES COUGHING)

Hello.

Enjoy yourselves.

Hey. I like your necklace.

My God. He is just

the best ever.

You're the best ever.

But he's a close second.

Aren't you, Little Sebastian?

He really is amazing.

You finally get it now, right?

Hello? He's fantastic.

I totally get it now.

I don't get it. At all.

It's kind of a small horse.

I mean, what am I missing?

(LITTLE SEBASTIAN WHINNIES)

Am I crazy?

(CROWD EXCLAIMS)

Hey, Ben, you just missed it!

He whinnied!

Yeah. No, I totally

heard that. It was great.