Original subtitles

Previously on "Grosse Pointe Garden Society"...

- Hey. - Hey. This is Cricket.

I was just wondering why you're being such a dick.

I'm just tired of being your shoulder to cry on.

This just isn't working right now.

- Have any sold? - Enough to make rent.

Who's ever bought a painting from a coffee shop wall?

Someone who loves art?

Someone who loves her son.

You've spent thousands of dollars.

This is straight-up blackmail.

Marilyn, I need a favor.

You know I'd love to help.

What if it really pissed off my mother-in-law?

Friends.

Where are you going?

- Dubai. - Wait, no.

Owning a global security firm means I gotta be global.

If you ever want to get back in the game, we need a closer.

What's wrong?

My daughter just threw up.

She really needs her mom. Sorry.

We're out of gas.

With a dead person in the trunk?

You don't have any cash, do you?

You're all I got.

But I'm also gonna need that bracelet.

I had to do something that might not be good for us.

Thirsty?

You're up early.

Thought you were just getting

one more drink with your friends.

Oh, you know how it goes.

Do I?

One drink turns into two.

And, of course, I didn't eat anything during the auction

because I was so nervous.

Next thing I know, we're all at Birdie's

having a giant dance party.

Fun.

Thanks for relieving the babysitter, hon.

You don't look drunk.

How do I look, Tucker?

Guilty.

Look, I'm sorry for coming home so late.

I should have called. - What were you really doing?

What, you want my specific dance moves?

I mean, I started with the stanky leg.

Just be straight with me.

Then I went into the Nae Nae.

- You have a tell. - Huh?

Some people blink, some twitch.

But everyone does something when they're lying.

We'll never be the same.

We made a deal.

I know.

No more secrets.

I know. I know.

I saw Gary staring at you from the bar.

I didn't cheat.

He was drooling like you were a T-bone.

Believe me.

You don't have to worry about Gary ever again.

Then what did you do?

Catherine speaking.

Hi, Mrs. Crosby. Pointe Credit Union calling.

We just wanted to confirm

a cash advance at Motown Casino.

No, that's not us.

So you haven't made any charges at Motown Casino

in the past three days?

I've never even been there, and my husband's overseas.

Okay, before I connect you to the fraud department,

I'll need to verify the account.

Bear with me.

My husband usually deals with this stuff.

No problem.

I just need the last four digits of the card.

Ma'am?

Are you there?

I don't know much about flowers,

but I bet growing a garden is just like growing a business.

♪ I'm pretty busy and I have to leave ♪

♪ But soon enough, I'll be back in Boston ♪

Success comes from planting the right people under you.

♪ Melatonin knock me out

♪ It's a foreign country and I'm all freaked out ♪

'Cause no matter what you have to weather,

you need good, solid roots.

♪ Oh, come on

♪ Turn it on

So your business can reap what it sows.

♪ Oh, come on

- Mm. - Hey.

Want to sneak into the movies without paying tonight?

I gotta finish this thing.

Mm. Boo.

I know.

Breakfast is served.

♪ Oh, come on

But stray too far from who you are as a company,

and the whole enterprise withers on the vine.

I'd like an oat milk latte, please.

And that postmodern, antiauthoritarian painting.

Are you sure?

Plus the latte.

Just feels like a pretty big impulse buy.

Yeah, I'll definitely regret it,

but the alternative is way worse.

That'll be $2,106.35.

♪ Oh, come on

Here she is.

Huh?

So where'd my money go?

Well, Matador red paint with iconic SS stripes.

Rewired original automatic convertible top.

Sick.

396-cubic inch big block V8, rebuilt transmission,

plus original all-black interior

and rally wheels.

Like she just rolled out of the factory.

And the original stereo that only plays classic rock.

Connor was right about you. - Uh-oh.

Don't listen to him.

He said you'd make me a lot of money.

Well, I really appreciate the investment.

All right.

Fire her up.

Oh, still making her pretty.

Oh, come on, I'm not gonna judge.

Nah, I'd rather wait till she's ready.

What's going on here, Brett?

Carburetor's taking longer than expected to rebuild.

This thing gonna run or not?

It wouldn't be a classic if it was easy, right?

Yeah.

Look, I'm just the money guy.

I don't know dick about cars.

I won't let you down, man.

But I do know we're not getting paid

if you're just putting lipstick on a pig.

That was the last time, right?

You've been saying that for three weeks now.

Well, next time, I'll mean it.

Unit 35, what's your 20?

Still 10-31.

- What's that? - Homeowner in distress.

Oh.

In need of immediate assistance.

Mm.

Excuse me, officer.

You're blowing up.

Must have fallen out downstairs

when you stripped each other's clothes off.

Yeah, thanks.

- I think it's your wife. - Okay, Olga.

Back to pretending to work.

Gather round, my little garden gnomes.

Lots of work to do and no time to do it.

Sorry.

I couldn't find a meter.

Next time, carpool.

What are we doing here?

Operation Warp Seed.

Bulbs?

Not just any bulbs.

Japanese ranunculus.

You can't get those in the States.

Mm.

Donna smuggled them back from a trade fair in Tokyo.

Smuggled them how?

You just let Donna worry about both those things.

I can't have illegal bulbs in here.

Whoa. Dude, relax.

Sorry.

Cricket's got me on this cleanse.

- Oh, what day are you? - Starving.

Do you bitches want to beat Bloomfield Hills or not?

Come on, now.

Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now.

Let's go. Lock and load.

Hoo-rah!

Uh, any questions?

Actually, yeah. I have a lot.

I have four more boxes in my car.

Okay, now I seriously need to know

how Donna smuggled these.

All you need to know

is that she is healing beautifully.

But what I need to know

is where in the heck my vice president is.

Where is she? Hmm?

You were right.

Those things really do come in handy.

You want a drink?

I want to know what's going on.

If I tell you,

we'll never be the same.

I'll have what you're having.

I don't know. Maybe we expanded too fast.

But in order to do it right, you gotta take on some debt.

And I've just been trying to dig out of this hole

for the past eight months.

Where have you been going?

Vegas. Atlantic City.

Sometimes the casino downtown.

Oh, my God.

Whoever will comp me a room

while I try to win enough to pay for private school

or the tennis club or whatever.

So Dubai, Singapore, India...

It's all dried up.

Do you have any idea how worried the kids have been

thinking you were so far away?

I was doing it for them.

Why couldn't you just tell me?

I didn't want to give you a reason to find someone else.

I'm not gonna leave you just because we can't vacation

at Saint Barts anymore.

A lot of women in this town would.

Well, I'm not one of them.

I can't do it anymore.

I got you.

I'm just so tired.

Promise me something.

Whatever it takes.

No more secrets.

Knock, knock.

Oh. Good morning.

How's it feel to be back home?

Like I never left.

Clearly some very important people feel

you deserve a second chance.

Yeah.

Principal Andrews didn't really have my back.

And that's why he's now in the cutthroat world

of multi-level marketing selling time-shares.

Well, now you're here.

But there's only so much I can do.

Still got to watch yourself.

Excuse me?

The mayor's wife may have strong-armed the board

to bring you back, but that doesn't mean

the parents can't take you down again.

Know why these go on our desks?

To poison us?

In the 18th century, teachers were given food

because they were so underpaid.

Oh, nothing really has changed.

Just be smart, Alice.

Hm.

It's completely corroded.

Did you try nail polish remover?

It's had multiple mani-pedis.

Okay, just breathe.

I'm breathing.

It's normal to be this cranky on day three of a cleanse.

I'm not cranky. I'm hungry.

That's just the ketosis making you say that.

I need this stupid carburetor to do what carburetors do.

Maybe it's just the universe suggesting

that you switch frequencies.

The hell does that mean?

Maybe you shouldn't be supporting gas-powered cars.

Seriously?

They're dinosaurs,

but if dinosaurs killed the world

instead of the other way around.

Okay.

This isn't just a gas-powered car.

Through your nose.

This is a 1968 Camaro with a big block.

Out through your mouth.

The Sistine Chapel on wheels.

Fight it, Brett.

What's even in this?

It's alkaline-based to reset your digestive system.

- So it cleans me out. - Completely restores you.

That's exactly what I've been looking for.

Good.

Hey.

Want me to do pickup? - Sure.

Thought I'd surprise the kids.

- That'd be great. - All right.

Okay.

Hi, Kayla. It's Catherine Crosby.

I sold your house at 2567 Devonshire.

Nicole, how are the kids?

Andrea, how are you?

Hey, Jerome. Hello, Elaine.

Yes, I'm finally going out on my own.

Darby.

The market is very favorable to sellers right now.

♪ I'm the king, give me my crown ♪

If you were looking to upgrade--

okay, well, if you change your mind,

you know where to find me.

♪ Baby, I'm the king

♪ Watch me as I do my thing

Hi, Karen.

It's Catherine Crosby.

I sold your house at 714 Bishop.

Oh.

You know, we actually met once.

- Through my husband? - Yep.

I used to do event security for him

before I joined the academy.

Sugar?

I'm good.

So...

what can I help you with?

Is that your SUV in the driveway?

Mm-hmm, yes.

And did you take that to the garden club party

the other night?

Actually, we took my husband's car.

Would that be a black Cadillac?

Am I in some kind of trouble?

Why would you be in any trouble?

My husband drives a Mercedes.

And did you come home with him that night?

Yes, we were exhausted.

So you came straight home with your husband.

Paid the babysitter, watched about 20 minutes

of some cake competition show, and passed out.

And you didn't go anywhere else with any friends?

What's this about?

Picked this up off a traffic stop last night.

We're out of gas. Do you have any cash on you?

But I'm also gonna need that bracelet.

I had to do something that might not be good for us.

Oh, my God.

Thank you.

Thank the jeweler.

Luckily, there's not that many Tuckers in town.

Who had it?

Someone with a real crazy story about you.

Guess all that matters is,

now my husband doesn't have to buy me a new one.

You know what?

It might be easier if you come on down to the station

so we can just clear this all up.

All right. Good morning.

Glad you're back, Ms. Morris.

Oh. Thanks, Peyton.

I hope there's no hard feelings.

Why don't we just start over?

Well, that might be tough.

I'm wearing the same underwear you sniffed.

Hm.

I'm just kidding.

Sup, boy? - All right.

All right, people. Let's find your seats.

- Sup? - Come on.

Okay, so let's talk about last night's assignment--

the first part of Jean-Paul Sartre's "No Exit."

How are we all feeling?

Yes, Peyton.

Challenged.

In what way?

I don't know.

You know, it just kind of made me think

about how when life, like, sucks,

you could be stuck in it forever.

Well, that's existentialism.

- And how is that good for us? - What do you mean?

Well, just given all the stress in the world today,

learning how life has no meaning

could be really damaging to our mental health.

Existentialism teaches us the importance

of freedom of choice, guys.

Oh, cool.

Okay, then I'd like to choose to read something else.

Well, this is the unit we're studying.

But that was your choice.

Because I'm the teacher, Peyton.

Yeah, but you're not in charge of, like,

our well-being, right?

That's our parents.

Your parents also had to read these books.

That's why my mom thinks they're inappropriate.

She said that?

She's just really worried about how you'd handle

a subject like this, you know?

No, I don't, actually.

Just given how insensitive you've been

to students in the past.

Well, your mom is welcome

to come and talk to me about the curriculum.

Yeah, that didn't go so well for you last time, did it?

Excuse me?

No offense, okay.

I'm just looking out for your job.

My mom would have a problem too.

Who else feels the same way about existentialism?

Okay.

You're right. - What?

Yeah, no, it seems like you all understand the basics,

so no need to do the reading.

- Seriously? - Yeah.

You can tell your mom you get an A.

- Awesome. - Wait, why does he get an A?

You all get A's.

Yeah, every single one of you.

- Is this a joke? - For the rest of the semester,

as long as you come to class, you get an A.

Okay, wait, so what are we gonna actually, like, do?

Um...

who's read "Harry Potter"?

- Oh! Come on. - Of course.

You know what, forget it.

Let's just watch the movies.

Come on.

Keep it up, everyone.

Ten more minutes and then we'll take a break.

Oh, Alice.

Is it daylight savings time where you live?

No.

Just wondering why you're an hour late.

Carburetor.

Carburetor.

You're so hot, baby.

You're the sexiest sapling I've ever seen.

What are you doing?

Making the seeds grow.

They apparently respond to low vibrations.

So you're talking dirty to dirt?

We'll see whose sapling gets erect first.

Why isn't Brett here?

Oh, he's super stressed.

Something broke on the car he's working on.

Don't worry.

You can rage about him to the plants.

They like the screaming.

I'm sorry.

You were right.

I didn't appreciate you.

It's like when someone's such a good friend all of the time,

you get spoiled.

Not that I'm making excuses or whatever.

Sometimes I just wish we could be normal

for, like, 20 minutes.

And then you can go back to being mad at me

for as long as you want.

I just--I don't know, I really--

I really miss you.

No crying.

Come on.

Tears disrupt the pH of the soil.

You think that's what your fight was about?

Oh, you poor thing.

He said I take him for granted.

That's not what it was about, girl.

But it's true.

Brett didn't go buck wild on dating apps

because you forgot to thank him for a ride to the airport.

In the wise words of my Great Aunt Rose,

you get over someone by getting under someone else.

What? No. Come on.

You're his emergency contact, Alice.

Why didn't he say anything?

You're married.

Tía Rose also had a lot of thoughts on fidelity.

Oh, God.

I'm such an idiot.

Oh.

It's not the size of your stamen.

It's how you use it.

Carburetor.

Why do you keep saying that?

It's stuck in my head.

It's so weird.

It's just the car part Brett's trying to find.

Your timing was perfect.

I waited so long for my furniture to arrive,

when it finally did, I was sick of the house.

You could just redecorate.

Or sell it fully furnished and start over.

Haven't changed a bit, Daisy.

So it's 5 bed, 6 1/2 bath,

blah, blah, blah, but that's not why I bought it.

This is way bigger than the loft I sold you downtown.

Right?

Too bad I'm traveling too much to enjoy it.

Well, in this neighborhood, I'm afraid you're never

gonna get asking for this.

That doesn't sound like the Catherine I remember.

You're gonna get way over.

That's my girl.

So I'll send you the paperwork.

Hello?

Mind if I keep my shoes on?

Full disclosure, you're not the only realtor

in the running.

Wow, this place is fab.

I'm upstairs.

But we go way back.

With Gary.

Believe me, I am better off without him.

You've never sold a house without him.

So who's my competition?

Someone who loves a good fight.

Hi, Pierce.

Hi.

Oh, you two already know each other?

Oh, I tried to hire her.

Timing just didn't work out.

She is a tremendous realtor, Daisy.

- Oh. - Thank you.

But an even better mom.

Hm. I like to find a balance.

Don't let her fool you-- she moms so hard,

it comes before everything else.

You have kids, Daisy?

Sadly, work is my baby.

Hm. You and me both.

How many times are we gonna go over it?

Nothing's changed.

One more time for the cheap seats.

Hey, she gave it to me.

Traded it for gas for her Cadillac.

Okay, it's a $15,000 bracelet.

First she tried to sell me pills.

I have never seen this man before in my life.

Uh, she was wearing a fancy blue dress.

Uh, maybe he saw me at the gala.

She was with a friend in a red dress.

He probably had someone on the inside--

caterer, coat check.

- You don't got to believe me. - Yeah, we don't, mister.

Ask Pete.

Who's Pete?

Homeless dude who lives behind the mini mart.

He talked to the friend.

Look how grown you are.

Hey, Duncan.

Good to see you, man.

Is that the thief?

Not sure yet.

Well, my wife came home with me.

Case closed.

Still should track down this Pete guy.

Yeah, but why go through all the effort?

Well, I gotta cover my bases.

You know, the whole innocent till proven guilty.

Gas stations have security cameras.

Hm?

I mean, why waste any more time?

What model do you need?

'68 Camaro.

Aren't the Chevy parts on the other side?

They moved them.

Let's divide and conquer.

How'd you know I was here?

Where else are you gonna find a '68 carburetor?

Take a seat.

What's going on?

Employee quarterly review.

I'll stand, thank you.

How do you think your performance has been lately?

Exceptional.

Well, I see room for improvement.

Mm. Oh, yeah?

Where?

For example, how you treat my boyfriend.

He's got a wife.

You need to be nicer to him.

What's the point?

This guy's not sticking around.

You don't know that.

They call this a delusionship.

I'm not delulu, Olga.

TikTok would disagree.

We could totally end up together.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Ford goes to college.

He finally leaves his wife.

And then what?

You all spend Christmas together

like one of those Hallmark movies?

It's not so crazy.

I am the kid's biological mother.

Sounds like you've got it all figured out, Ms. Bradley.

Well, it's what I want.

Sure it's what he wants?

You can go now.

Is all this going in my file?

We'll discuss it next quarter.

So I wait till Cricket's asleep,

and then I hit the drive-through.

So you've just been shame-eating in your car?

And brushing my teeth so she doesn't smell it on me.

Oh, my God. You did not.

I cannot tell you how good

Taco Bell tastes when it's forbidden.

Why would you even think

you could not eat for five days?

Part of me wanted to prove to her I was that guy.

You eat a second lunch.

Most important meal of the day.

Doug once tried to get me into jogging.

Oh, yeah, I remember.

You used to hide at the coffee shop

for, like, half an hour.

- 15-minute mile. - Yep.

Until Doug came in and found you pounding an iced mocha.

I'm a bad faker.

Me too, I guess.

It's just hard being something you're not.

Wait, what model was it again?

RS.

No way. - Way.

I can't believe it!

It was sitting right there.

You are my lucky charm.

I'm sorry I can't be more.

Oh, man.

Was it that obvious?

You did cry at my birthday.

I was proud you made it to 30.

I feel so stupid.

I'm the stupid one.

So what do we do now?

Taco Bell run.

Duh.

- Your-- - You're buying.

Oh, I was gonna say your treat.

You're the one with the new job.

Half day?

School's over.

- Bad joke. - Oh. What's up?

Got a call from Peyton's mom.

Ah, yeah, my old buddy.

She said you started the year off

with an interesting approach.

Look, I can explain.

I don't normally like being ambushed by parents--

No, it wasn't my finest moment.

Peyton's mom would disagree.

What?

Apparently she's over the moon

with your new curriculum.

Huh.

Well, I think my time off taught me

what really matters to students.

Whatever you're doing, keep it up.

Well, I'm happy to do my part.

What if it was bigger?

Still trying to find a cheer coach

and debate advisor.

Shop department also needs someone

to keep kids from cutting fingers off.

My masters is in English.

All for extra pay, of course.

How much?

Every great home has a story.

And if you'll please follow me, I'm ready to tell yours.

Let me take you

into the heart and soul of your home.

This oversized Statuario marble island

is perfect for entertaining.

The eased edges give it a sleek and contemporary feel.

Freestanding soaking tub with a clean, modern finish.

Custom cabinetry.

This luxurious primary bath spotlights a single vanity.

With griddle and grill.

Perfect for those chilly Michigan nights.

This large private sitting room.

Elegantly positioned to take advantage of the morning light.

Whether you are a gourmet chef

or you just love hosting dinner parties.

My goal is to make this seamless and stress-free.

I truly believe your home has

incredible potential in today's market.

And I am confident I can help you

get the best possible price.

Let's get started! - When can we get started?

It's just such a hard decision.

You both know your stuff.

And, oh, my God, you're both so charming.

I didn't get it, did I?

A company of his size,

he has contacts all over the world.

Yeah.

Pretty hard to compete with that.

That's literally every day.

Neighbor's kid.

The Garretts.

Yeah. You know them?

They have a toddler and a seven-year-old.

And my daughter takes ballet with the girl

that lives in that Tudor.

The house next to it, they have twin boys,

and they all go to the best public school

in the district, which is walking distance from here.

You know the neighborhood.

And I know that the person that buys your house

won't care if there are soccer balls in their yard.

- Why? - Because I'm gonna sell it

to the friends of one of these families

so their kids can grow up together.

Wow.

You really do mom hard.

You don't need Goldman's international contacts.

You need my PTA phone tree.

Think you can close in 60 days?

I once sold 300 Girl Scout cookies

in a weekend.

Even the plain ones?

Mostly plain.

Why don't we go inside and sign those papers?

Okay, scroll, scroll.

Let's just get to the point where he said you came in.

Is that even really necessary?

Guy's facing a serious felony.

Well, I don't see any reason to press charges, right, babe?

Well, it's probably up to the DA anyway now.

Ugh. Spinning wheel.

You'd think they'd upgrade these things.

Maybe it just fell out of my purse.

Okay, wait a minute.

I think we're back in business.

Nope.

Spinning wheel again.

We got the bracelet back. Why are we even doing this?

The man's got a job to do.

Okay, here we are.

Well, there you go.

Sorry for your trouble, folks.

It's funny.

It's like she was never there.

Count of three.

Three.

Hm. - Mine's bigger.

Uh-huh.

See, everyone? What we say to plants matters.

Or it's the carbon dioxide coming from our mouths.

What'd you say to yours?

Oh, I sang a Get Up Kids song.

You?

Just told mine how I felt.

Mm.

Get a load of that.

Aww.

Growth.

It's never easy nurturing a business to maturity.

Anything can disrupt the natural order

of your work environment.

♪ Walk you through the

Birdie was, uh, thirsty.

If you break her heart,

I will not hesitate to ragdoll you.

So you gotta weed out your weakest divisions

in order to focus on your strongest branches.

I think I'm gonna sleep at home tonight.

Are you sure?

I just miss my own bed.

Okay.

♪ At best, it's simulation

♪ Or can you set me free?

Even then, unforeseen competition in the marketplace

can siphon resources and overshadow growth.

So like any healthy ecosystem, for your business to thrive...

Hi, Mommy.

It has to adapt to change.

How was your day, honey?

Where's my drink?

I still don't get it.

What don't you get?

What you did when you hacked their cloud server or whatever.

Trade secrets.

Mm-mm.

We don't have secrets anymore, remember?

All right.

One of my guys put the same timecode

on footage from a different night.

I feel bad for the mini mart guy.

The DA's never gonna charge him

if we don't push it.

Did you ever think I'd be...

this much?

It makes it fun.

Well, we have pretty much stress-tested

every marriage vow there is.

We're still here.

Yeah.

Apparently so is he.

So what else did I miss at the gala?