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1
00:00:31,540 --> 00:00:36,137
"Storage place for jewels",
seven letters?
2
00:00:37,140 --> 00:00:38,494
Scrotum.
3
00:00:39,860 --> 00:00:41,498
1991?
4
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,059
John Parrot.
5
00:00:44,180 --> 00:00:46,330
1985?
6
00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:51,376
Classic. Taylor-Davis final.
Dennis Taylor wins on the black.
7
00:00:51,780 --> 00:00:54,977
Longest Crucible frame ever, 69 minutes.
8
00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:57,697
1977?
9
00:01:00,540 --> 00:01:02,178
John Spencer.
10
00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:05,338
No. Ray...
11
00:01:05,460 --> 00:01:07,098
Reardon! Ray Reardon!
12
00:01:07,220 --> 00:01:10,531
I was just about to say Ray Reardon.
You're putting me off!
13
00:01:10,660 --> 00:01:12,651
How am I putting you off?
14
00:01:12,780 --> 00:01:16,569
- Greek mythology.
- I'm only reading the questions out.
15
00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:18,657
Greek mythology, come on.
16
00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:27,099
NANA: Are you sure it was that one?
The barman?
17
00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:30,372
JANICE: Yeah.
That one serving the drinks now.
18
00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:34,418
- What a waste.
- Doesn't look queer.
19
00:01:34,540 --> 00:01:38,010
MICK: Well, he don't leave his handbag
on the bar in case it gets wet.
20
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:40,939
And you caught him with
one of them proper queer fellas?
21
00:01:41,060 --> 00:01:42,380
Yeah.
22
00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:43,820
What were they doing?
23
00:01:43,940 --> 00:01:46,659
I don't know.
I couldn't see properly, it was dark.
24
00:01:46,780 --> 00:01:48,976
Well, I think it's disgusting.
25
00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:52,699
Was he bumming him?
26
00:01:52,820 --> 00:01:55,539
Do you mind?
I've got a mouthful of nuts.
27
00:01:56,820 --> 00:01:59,573
Hey, that's probably
what the barman said.
28
00:02:04,660 --> 00:02:08,051
“Troy! Come and join us.
- Hiya.
29
00:02:08,180 --> 00:02:11,218
- Gavin not down yet?
- No, he's not coming down.
30
00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:13,297
Oh. Everything okay?
31
00:02:13,420 --> 00:02:15,934
Not really.
We had a bit of a row last night.
32
00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:17,380
That'll be the heat.
33
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:21,050
The heat and unlimited alcohol
does strange things to people.
34
00:02:21,180 --> 00:02:26,380
Last year Jacqueline punched me
in the face after a game of gin rummy.
35
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:28,700
Accused me of cheating.
36
00:02:28,820 --> 00:02:31,494
Now, normally she wouldn't say
boo to a goose, would you?
37
00:02:31,620 --> 00:02:32,690
Oh, no.
38
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:35,619
You see, people do strange things
on holiday.
39
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:39,654
I bet you can't even remember
what the argument was about, can you?
40
00:02:39,780 --> 00:02:41,896
- Well..
- Now, you stay here
41
00:02:42,020 --> 00:02:43,249
and I'll go and get him.
42
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:46,850
It's quiz night tonight
and we need both of you on our team.
43
00:02:46,980 --> 00:02:48,732
- What number are you?
- Twenty-two.
44
00:02:48,860 --> 00:02:50,976
Okay. See you at lunch time.
45
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,657
- Do you play rummy?
- Oh...
46
00:02:54,220 --> 00:02:57,497
- No. No, I don't.
- Aw!
47
00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,493
Look, it's quiz night tonight.
48
00:03:09,620 --> 00:03:11,770
Hmm, just when we thought
it couldn't get any better.
49
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,413
"First prize to be awarded by
50
00:03:13,540 --> 00:03:16,453
"Benidorm's number one
children's entertainer, Ronnie Herbert."
51
00:03:16,580 --> 00:03:20,778
- I haven't brought down the sun block.
- Oh, that's okay, I'll get it.
52
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:23,137
(SPLUTTERING COUGH)
53
00:03:30,980 --> 00:03:33,210
It's okay, I'm a first-aider.
54
00:03:35,540 --> 00:03:38,100
I need that water, please. Thank you.
55
00:03:45,860 --> 00:03:47,339
You okay?
56
00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:52,978
Am I okay? I was smoking that.
What do you think you're playing at?
57
00:03:53,620 --> 00:03:55,611
I'm sorry, I thought it was best
to put it out.
58
00:03:55,740 --> 00:03:58,175
They don't grow on trees, you know.
59
00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:13,455
According to Troy,
60
00:04:13,580 --> 00:04:17,574
he bumped into the barman near the pool
on his way up to the apartment.
61
00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:20,294
He asked Troy to help him
move some crates or something,
62
00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:22,980
and then when he got
behind the pool bar,
63
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:26,775
- the barman just jumped on him.
- Well, these things happen, don't they?
64
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:29,653
No, they don't. Not until now.
65
00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:32,780
Listen, I don't know
either of you very well,
66
00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:35,619
but I know a decent person
when I see one,
67
00:04:35,740 --> 00:04:40,052
and you two lads are solid gold,
both of you.
68
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:43,536
Which is more than you can say
for that shifty sod.
69
00:04:43,940 --> 00:04:46,978
Come on, we need you on our team
for the quiz tonight.
70
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:51,014
I've always said there's no such thing
as a straight man. It just shows you.
71
00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:55,099
Absolutely. I've always been comfortable
with my sexuality,
72
00:04:55,220 --> 00:04:58,099
but very in touch with my feminine side.
73
00:04:58,260 --> 00:05:02,094
Oh, yes, in the late '60s,
I had an old drinking partner.
74
00:05:02,220 --> 00:05:07,010
Martin "Lucky" James,
big lad, one of these bodybuilders.
75
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,576
We used to go out on the lash,
come back to his mum's in Gallowhill
76
00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:13,169
and Lucky would bugger me senseless.
77
00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:16,378
Great times.
78
00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:25,854
Next.
79
00:05:26,620 --> 00:05:29,658
From which country is Koffee Annan?
80
00:05:30,020 --> 00:05:32,296
Kofi Annan, it's not a beverage.
81
00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:34,009
He's the Secretary of...
82
00:05:34,140 --> 00:05:37,610
I know who he is.
Come on, you know this one.
83
00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:38,810
Ghana.
84
00:05:38,940 --> 00:05:41,659
What are you doing?
I were just about to say Ghana.
85
00:05:41,780 --> 00:05:45,694
- Well, that's all right, then.
- What do you mean, that's all right?
86
00:05:45,820 --> 00:05:48,812
You're supposed to wait
for me to tell you the answer.
87
00:05:48,940 --> 00:05:50,578
But you said you knew it.
88
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:53,089
Oh, well, that's gonna be great,
then, innit?
89
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:55,655
When they're reading out
the answers tonight and I say,
90
00:05:55,780 --> 00:05:59,091
"Don't worry about the blank ones I left
because I actually did know them.
91
00:05:59,220 --> 00:06:01,734
"I just couldn't be arsed
to fill them in!"
92
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:05,569
Well, I'm gonna have a little sleep
if you're gonna be like this.
93
00:06:06,260 --> 00:06:09,935
Oh, brilliant.
Well, don't worry about me.
94
00:06:10,060 --> 00:06:11,937
I said, don't worry about me.
95
00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:15,416
Lancashire Pub Quiz Champion
being beaten by a load of dickheads
96
00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:19,499
because me mum wanted “a little sleep”.
I said...
97
00:06:22,780 --> 00:06:24,259
Unbelievable!
98
00:06:28,140 --> 00:06:30,177
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
99
00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:37,050
The restaurant will be closing
for lunch in 15 minutes, thank you.
100
00:06:37,180 --> 00:06:42,334
Dad, can we go to the beach?
Mam, can we go to the beach?
101
00:06:42,460 --> 00:06:45,100
- No, go and get an ice cream.
- Come on.
102
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:54,374
What were it called?
103
00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:56,332
- What?
- That stuff.
104
00:06:56,860 --> 00:07:01,013
- Uh, seafood paella.
- That's it. Paella.
105
00:07:01,140 --> 00:07:04,258
That's what they eat here, ain't it,
the Spanish?
106
00:07:05,220 --> 00:07:08,770
I wasn't too keen on all that shite
on the top, were you?
107
00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:10,493
Eh...
108
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:16,659
I don't usually mind prawns,
but not when they're looking at you.
109
00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:24,260
That rice tasted a bit funny as well.
110
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,459
(MICK SIGHING)
111
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:32,936
Oh, she's there, me mother,
talking to that posh woman.
112
00:07:34,460 --> 00:07:36,212
She's not that posh.
113
00:07:36,340 --> 00:07:40,299
She's had that same wrap-around skirt on
for three days in a row.
114
00:07:42,620 --> 00:07:45,009
I wonder what she's saying to her.
115
00:07:46,860 --> 00:07:49,295
I said, I wonder
what she's saying to me mother.
116
00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:50,979
She's probably asking
to come and sit with us
117
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:53,091
'cause she's heard
how scintillating the conversation is.
118
00:07:53,220 --> 00:07:55,018
You wanna talk,
you've not said owt all day.
119
00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:57,495
I'm on me holidays, I'm relaxing.
120
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:08,373
Hey, have a look.
That other queer fella's back now.
121
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,173
MICK: Mmm.
122
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:15,136
He doesn't look happy, the fat one.
He does not look happy.
123
00:08:16,820 --> 00:08:18,811
Mind you, you wouldn't do.
124
00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:26,813
Mind you, what does he expect?
125
00:08:28,700 --> 00:08:30,850
Look at that George Michael.
126
00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:35,009
He doesn't mind where he does it,
or who he's doing it with.
127
00:08:37,340 --> 00:08:40,617
He's nicer looking than George Michael,
that barman.
128
00:08:42,660 --> 00:08:44,617
I mean how he is now,
not when he was in Wham!
129
00:08:44,740 --> 00:08:46,538
Oh, for fuck's sake!
130
00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:49,337
I've read the same line on this page
six times!
131
00:08:49,460 --> 00:08:52,179
- What have you done that for?
- Because of you banging on!
132
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:55,099
- Oh, forget it.
- Where are you going?
133
00:08:55,220 --> 00:08:57,780
Toilet. Don't worry,
if George Michael's in there,
134
00:08:57,900 --> 00:09:00,255
I'll be straight back out again.
135
00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:03,613
Believe me,
you're better off without kids.
136
00:09:03,740 --> 00:09:07,813
- Well, I'm not sure about that.
- I've got seven, all daughters.
137
00:09:07,940 --> 00:09:11,570
Not that you'd know,
you never see sight nor sound of them.
138
00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:14,052
But your daughter
brought you on holiday.
139
00:09:14,180 --> 00:09:17,218
She didn't bring me anywhere.
I brought them on holiday.
140
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:18,739
Oh, I see.
141
00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:22,211
Well, I think a daughter would be nice.
142
00:09:22,340 --> 00:09:26,459
Well, I'd get cracking if I were you,
you're not exactly 21.
143
00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:32,735
Well, it's...
It's not quite as simple as that.
144
00:09:32,860 --> 00:09:36,774
- Oh, aye? What's wrong with you?
- Not me.
145
00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:39,699
Sorry about that. I eventually
found the bottle, it was empty.
146
00:09:39,820 --> 00:09:42,494
I had to go to the shop.
Not bad really, 8 euros.
147
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:45,976
Well, I'm not surprised he's
firing blanks with shorts that tight.
148
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:49,297
He wants to get himself a pair
of them baggy ones they're all wearing,
149
00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:52,811
get some air between his bits,
let them breathe.
150
00:09:54,100 --> 00:09:56,774
Well, it's been very nice
talking to you.
151
00:09:56,900 --> 00:10:00,859
I'd best be off, see what me grandkids
are up to. See you later.
152
00:10:04,380 --> 00:10:05,700
Where is everybody?
153
00:10:05,820 --> 00:10:07,857
Telle and Michael are playing
and Mick's gone to the toilet.
154
00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:11,450
Oh, I wish I could go.
I've not been since Tuesday.
155
00:10:11,580 --> 00:10:14,254
What, to the toilet? It's Friday.
156
00:10:14,420 --> 00:10:18,175
Don't need to tell me that.
I've been counting the hours.
157
00:10:18,620 --> 00:10:21,089
Me mother's not been to the toilet
since Tuesday.
158
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:23,291
Why, is there no smoking in there?
159
00:10:23,420 --> 00:10:25,013
Don't you think
you should see the doctor?
160
00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:27,131
What, out here? You must be joking.
161
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:30,218
They won't have any English doctors,
not out here.
162
00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:33,219
I'll wait till I get home, see Dr Kundu.
163
00:10:33,340 --> 00:10:35,456
But Dr Kundu's from Pakistan.
164
00:10:35,580 --> 00:10:38,299
Oh, yeah, but his wife's from Rotherham.
165
00:10:40,980 --> 00:10:44,416
Mam, there's a quiz night on tonight.
166
00:10:44,540 --> 00:10:46,099
Oh, right, lovely.
167
00:10:46,220 --> 00:10:49,258
No, but look, there's a prize
if you win. Can we enter?
168
00:10:49,380 --> 00:10:51,940
- What sort of prize?
- 100 euro, how much is that?
169
00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:53,380
Nearly 70 quid.
170
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:57,334
Oh, my God! Dad, if we win,
can we go to the beach? Please, can we?
171
00:10:57,460 --> 00:10:58,689
What do you want to go to the beach for?
172
00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:00,891
We've got everything here,
it's all-inclusive.
173
00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:02,499
It's like being in prison.
174
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:05,260
I know, but if we all enter
as a team and we win,
175
00:11:05,380 --> 00:11:08,054
- can we please go to the beach?
- Christ, if us lot win a quiz,
176
00:11:08,180 --> 00:11:10,490
I'll take you to Disneyland
and make up the money meself.
177
00:11:10,620 --> 00:11:15,217
- Oh, my God! We're going to Disneyland!
- Hey, hey, calm yourself down, you.
178
00:11:15,340 --> 00:11:17,934
All right, if we win,
we're off to the beach. Deal
179
00:11:18,060 --> 00:11:22,099
Oh, my God! Excellent.
Come on, let's go get a drink.
180
00:11:24,140 --> 00:11:26,097
What have you said that for?
181
00:11:26,220 --> 00:11:28,097
We've got as much chance
of winning a quiz
182
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:30,018
as me mother has
of being classed anaemic.
183
00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:33,132
- Hey!
- I know, so when we don't win the quiz,
184
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:37,777
that'll be an end to all the moaning
about going to the beach. I thank you.
185
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:49,170
- Good evening, lads and lasses.
- Good evening.
186
00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:51,689
I said good evening, lads and lasses.
187
00:11:51,820 --> 00:11:53,413
ALL: Good evening!
188
00:11:53,540 --> 00:11:56,692
Once again, welcome to Neptune's
189
00:11:56,820 --> 00:12:00,654
where tonight it's quiz night!
190
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:06,778
And if you would like to ring my bell,
I do take traveller's cheques.
191
00:12:07,420 --> 00:12:11,539
So if you'd like to sort yourselves out,
get your pens and your papers ready,
192
00:12:11,660 --> 00:12:15,449
the quiz is about to start
in two minutes' time. Thank you!
193
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,500
(LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING ON ORGAN)
194
00:12:29,220 --> 00:12:31,097
Are you all right, son?
195
00:12:32,060 --> 00:12:34,893
- I said, are you...
- I'm concentrating.
196
00:12:36,140 --> 00:12:38,336
But it's not started yet.
197
00:12:38,460 --> 00:12:42,613
I know "It's not started yet".
It's me pre-match warm-up.
198
00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:50,217
- Well, your pudding's getting cold.
- Mother, please!
199
00:13:07,860 --> 00:13:11,296
- The liver is very good.
- I don't know what I fancy.
200
00:13:11,420 --> 00:13:13,730
Really? That's not the impression
I got last night.
201
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:18,013
Gavin, please. I was drunk
and some dodgy Spanish waiter jumped me.
202
00:13:18,780 --> 00:13:22,171
- We should all be laughing about it.
- Oh, yes, it's hilarious!
203
00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:24,098
At least it proves your theory
there's no such...
204
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,290
Oh.
205
00:13:26,820 --> 00:13:28,652
- Oh, my God!
- What?
206
00:13:28,780 --> 00:13:31,135
Oh, look, the cabaret's arrived.
207
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,699
Me thinks the lady doth protest
too much.
208
00:13:48,220 --> 00:13:49,893
Right, who's gonna write
the answers down?
209
00:13:50,020 --> 00:13:52,330
- Me.
- I don't know where me glasses are.
210
00:13:52,460 --> 00:13:56,533
It's all right, I don't think
that's gonna be one of the questions.
211
00:13:58,860 --> 00:14:02,296
- Are we going to do this quiz?
- I don't mind.
212
00:14:02,860 --> 00:14:06,012
Well, you never know, we might win.
Look at the type of people here.
213
00:14:06,140 --> 00:14:09,098
I can't imagine the average score
being very high.
214
00:14:09,220 --> 00:14:10,540
Bit like my sperm count.
215
00:14:10,660 --> 00:14:11,889
(BELL RINGING)
216
00:14:12,020 --> 00:14:14,091
Right, eyes down, look in,
217
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:17,850
and your first question
for the quiz tonight is
218
00:14:17,980 --> 00:14:24,374
which fictional character lives
at 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging?
219
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:26,696
- Oh, is that...
- Shut up!
220
00:14:27,140 --> 00:14:28,460
You're taking the piss!
221
00:14:28,580 --> 00:14:30,298
- MICHAEL: Dad!
- Shh.
222
00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:32,218
Is it John Prescott?
223
00:14:32,340 --> 00:14:34,570
- Fictional character?
- Dad.
224
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:35,929
What sort of question's that?
225
00:14:36,060 --> 00:14:37,733
People on holiday
aren't gonna know that.
226
00:14:37,860 --> 00:14:41,057
Chappy with the moustache.
Um, Freddie Mercury.
227
00:14:43,180 --> 00:14:44,659
- Dad I
- What?
228
00:14:44,940 --> 00:14:46,817
It's Harry Potter.
229
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:48,694
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
230
00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:50,333
Hey, hey, bring it on.
231
00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:51,814
(BELL RINGING)
232
00:14:51,940 --> 00:14:55,820
Who first had a hit
with Whispering Grass?
233
00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:57,658
- Oh, it's...
234
00:14:57,780 --> 00:15:00,533
It's them off, um...
It Ain't Half Hot Mum.
235
00:15:00,660 --> 00:15:02,810
No, it isn't. I'll tell you who it is.
236
00:15:02,940 --> 00:15:06,296
Oh, what's his name?
Don something, little tiny bloke.
237
00:15:06,420 --> 00:15:08,934
- The Ink Spots.
- Do you mean the Munchkins?
238
00:15:09,060 --> 00:15:10,892
No, the Ink Spots!
239
00:15:11,020 --> 00:15:14,775
1940, Whispering Grass.
They were your father's favourites.
240
00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:16,732
- Are you sure?
- Of course I'm sure.
241
00:15:16,860 --> 00:15:18,294
Write it down.
242
00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:23,931
- St Winifred's School Choir.
- Oh, he's a genius.
243
00:15:24,060 --> 00:15:25,573
(BELL RINGING)
244
00:15:25,700 --> 00:15:31,298
From which prehistoric period
is the diplodocus?
245
00:15:31,420 --> 00:15:32,854
- Madge?
- I don't know.
246
00:15:32,980 --> 00:15:34,618
Come on, you were bloody
living then, weren't you?
247
00:15:34,740 --> 00:15:35,810
Oh, get off!
248
00:15:35,940 --> 00:15:37,260
So easy.
249
00:15:37,380 --> 00:15:38,575
I think it's Jurassic.
250
00:15:38,700 --> 00:15:44,173
No, it's not Jurassic Park.
Put down the Land That Time Forgot.
251
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:46,416
No, I've heard it, I've heard it,
I've heard it.
252
00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:48,338
Shut up, I've heard it!
253
00:15:48,620 --> 00:15:51,453
What was the first James Bond film?
254
00:15:51,580 --> 00:15:54,652
I know that one. It's Goldfinger.
255
00:15:54,780 --> 00:15:57,169
Dr. No in 1963.
256
00:15:58,940 --> 00:16:01,819
- Put Goldfinger.
- Do you want to play yourself?
257
00:16:01,940 --> 00:16:04,375
- Well..
- Do you want to ruin this for me?
258
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,490
(BELL RINGING)
259
00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:07,577
Who was Fanny Cradock?
260
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,771
Didn't we do a home movie with her?
261
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:14,497
No, that was Fanny Nelson.
Friend of Big Eric's from the sauna.
262
00:16:14,620 --> 00:16:15,815
Oh, yes!
263
00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:17,055
She was a TV cook.
264
00:16:17,180 --> 00:16:20,411
Yes, I know, I know.
And now everybody else knows.
265
00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:22,772
- I didn't say it loud.
- Well, try writing it down.
266
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:25,494
- I didn't say it loud.
- Or whispering.
267
00:16:26,060 --> 00:16:27,494
(MOCKING)
268
00:16:27,980 --> 00:16:29,698
(BELL RINGING)
269
00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:32,689
What was Elvis's middle name?
270
00:16:32,820 --> 00:16:34,652
- Aaron.
- Aaron.
271
00:16:34,780 --> 00:16:36,134
(BELL RINGING)
272
00:16:36,260 --> 00:16:40,618
Who said, "I have nothing to declare,
but my genius.”
273
00:16:40,740 --> 00:16:42,970
Now, if you don't get that,
you're thick.
274
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:44,420
That's Einstein.
275
00:16:44,540 --> 00:16:45,735
- What's his name?
- Oscar Wilde.
276
00:16:45,860 --> 00:16:47,259
- A bit controversial.
- Oscar Wilde.
277
00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:49,053
-I can see him now.
- Oscar Wilde.
278
00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:50,614
Freddie Starr.
279
00:16:55,540 --> 00:16:56,974
(BELL RINGING)
280
00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:03,259
(BELL RINGING)
281
00:17:06,340 --> 00:17:07,774
(BELL RINGING)
282
00:17:10,180 --> 00:17:11,614
(BELL RINGING)
283
00:17:14,380 --> 00:17:20,615
And the final question,
what is Swahili for "no worries"?
284
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,892
What is Swahili for "no worries"?
285
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:25,818
- The Lion King.
- The little, the fat pig.
286
00:17:25,940 --> 00:17:27,339
Pumbaa. What's his name?
287
00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:29,610
- Pumbaa, Pumbaa.
- No, no, no, that's a character.
288
00:17:29,740 --> 00:17:31,458
- Telle, Telle, Telle.
- Idi Amin.
289
00:17:31,580 --> 00:17:33,378
# It's a problem-free... #
290
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:35,013
What is it, Michael? What is it?
291
00:17:35,140 --> 00:17:36,972
- Hakuna matata.
- Oh, yes.
292
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:38,613
(BELL RINGING)
293
00:17:39,900 --> 00:17:42,176
That's it, put your pens and paper down
294
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:44,769
and pass your paper to the waiters
as they pass the tables.
295
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:46,652
Thank you very much.
296
00:17:47,260 --> 00:17:51,379
And our answers to the questions were,
for question one,
297
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:56,700
which fictional character lived at
4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging,
298
00:17:56,820 --> 00:17:57,810
It was...
299
00:17:57,940 --> 00:18:00,375
ALL: Harry Potter.
300
00:18:02,020 --> 00:18:05,934
Who said, "I've nothing to declare
but my genius,” was?
301
00:18:06,060 --> 00:18:07,209
Oscar Wilde.
302
00:18:07,340 --> 00:18:08,739
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
303
00:18:10,180 --> 00:18:13,969
I'd like to thank Noreen
for all her support over the years.
304
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:22,771
I'd like to thank Noreen, my PA,
for all the support over the years.
305
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:26,140
Albert Einstein once said that...
306
00:18:31,020 --> 00:18:34,775
And what was Swahili for "no worries"?
It was...
307
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:37,813
ALL: Hakuna matata!
308
00:18:38,220 --> 00:18:40,530
Where have you been?
You've been gone ages.
309
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:41,855
Toilet.
310
00:18:41,980 --> 00:18:43,653
Well, they've been reading
the answers out.
311
00:18:43,780 --> 00:18:45,134
(BELL RINGING)
312
00:18:45,260 --> 00:18:46,898
A mere formality.
313
00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:50,692
Now the bit you've all been waiting for.
314
00:18:50,820 --> 00:18:54,814
In third place, on 27 points, is
315
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:58,699
the Pal family from Staffordshire.
316
00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:02,969
Yes!
317
00:19:05,220 --> 00:19:10,659
And in second place, with 29 points,
is Geoff Maltby,
318
00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:12,771
also known as The Oracle.
319
00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:14,573
(WHOOPING)
320
00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:17,175
Second? Second?
321
00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:21,811
Our winners of the quiz tonight,
on 30 points,
322
00:19:21,940 --> 00:19:25,012
from Lancashire, is the Garveys.
323
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:37,772
Who are you? Who are you? Hey, hey!
324
00:19:38,580 --> 00:19:42,972
You've miscounted.
We both got 30 points, it's a tie!
325
00:19:43,460 --> 00:19:47,374
You had Whispering Grass
as Don Estelle and Windsor Davies.
326
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:50,333
The answer is Ink Spots.
327
00:19:50,460 --> 00:19:54,090
They both had hits with it.
You've got it wrong!
328
00:19:54,220 --> 00:19:56,018
You've made a mistake!
329
00:19:56,860 --> 00:19:57,930
(CLAMOURING)
330
00:19:58,060 --> 00:20:00,415
- Hey, lad.
- Just give it to me, I'll show you!
331
00:20:00,540 --> 00:20:02,053
- MAN: Get off!
- Give it here!
332
00:20:02,180 --> 00:20:03,773
Hey, gordo, get off the stage.
333
00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:06,414
Get off me! Get off me!
334
00:20:08,060 --> 00:20:10,734
Nobody beats The Oracle!
335
00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:12,660
Get off the stage, fat boy, you lost.
336
00:20:12,780 --> 00:20:15,340
Just admit it, you don't know
everything, okay? Movete coño!
337
00:20:15,460 --> 00:20:19,499
Hey, hey, I might not know everything,
but I know all about you!
338
00:20:20,380 --> 00:20:22,690
You've been shagging everyone!
339
00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:26,017
Him sat there.
Yeah, you sat with Mr Blobby!
340
00:20:26,140 --> 00:20:28,654
- Her sitting down there.
- WOMAN: Hey.
341
00:20:28,780 --> 00:20:30,453
MICK: Bloody hell
342
00:20:30,580 --> 00:20:35,529
Look, he's trying to bum me now.
Get off me, you Spanish poof!
343
00:20:37,740 --> 00:20:38,775
Get off!
344
00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:41,653
I've got his tablets,
he'll be all right.
345
00:20:44,540 --> 00:20:46,099
(GEOFF SHOUTING)
346
00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:48,611
- Muévete ya.
- Get off.
347
00:20:50,220 --> 00:20:52,291
I want a recount.
348
00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:13,696
Come on, we're going upstairs.
349
00:21:18,260 --> 00:21:19,694
Oh, listen, son.
350
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,333
- What?
- You're going to have to calm down.
351
00:21:21,460 --> 00:21:23,815
You're going to make
yourself poorly doing this.
352
00:21:23,940 --> 00:21:25,260
- I'm unbeaten...
- You can't...
353
00:21:25,380 --> 00:21:28,020
...Lancashire Pub Quiz Champion!
354
00:21:30,620 --> 00:21:31,655
Thank you.
355
00:21:31,780 --> 00:21:33,054
Whey!
356
00:21:33,780 --> 00:21:37,296
Pathetic.
"I'm tired! I want to lie down!"
357
00:21:37,420 --> 00:21:40,776
- Yes, well, sometimes I do...
- You're no mother to a champion!
358
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,891
- What do you mean?
- You don't deserve me!
359
00:21:43,020 --> 00:21:45,534
- I spend all my time testing...
- I hope I'm adopted!
360
00:21:46,380 --> 00:21:48,291
We're going to the beach!
28334
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