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1
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,719
Excuse me. Sorry, have you got a moment?
2
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:38,151
- Yeah. What do you want, love?
- Can I talk to you about melanoma?
3
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,918
No. I don't know her, darling.
4
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,951
- I'm sorry?
- I don't know her.
5
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:43,354
Who?
6
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:45,872
Melanie... What was her second name?
7
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:49,231
No. Melanoma.
It's a form of skin cancer.
8
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:51,749
Oh, I'm sorry, darling.
9
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:57,031
Still, if she's on holiday,
it'll take her mind off it, won't it?
10
00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:01,119
- Take whose mind off what?
- Your friend who's got cancer.
11
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:05,389
- No, my friend hasn't got cancer.
- Well. what's all the fuss about, then?
12
00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:09,753
- No, I'm sorry. Can we start again?
- Oh, I'd rather you didn't, love.
13
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:14,158
I'm sorry you can't find your friend,
but there's not a lot I can do about it.
14
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:15,873
I'd give up if I were you, love.
15
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,469
This is the most sense she's made
since we got here.
16
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,353
Well, can I leave a leaflet with you?
17
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,312
- All right, love.
- Okay.
18
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:27,354
- You all right, mam?
- Yeah. Young lass has lost her friend.
19
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,600
Mind you,
she isn't going to find her with this.
20
00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:35,031
The only picture they've got
is of her spotty back.
21
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,197
- Let's have a look.
- Ew!
22
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,153
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON CD PLAYER)
23
00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:59,039
The Quo.
24
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,594
- Are you there, darling?
- Coming.
25
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,279
What, again?
26
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,960
Right, well, we've missed breakfast
by a long chalk,
27
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,674
but no matter,
snacks start in half an hour.
28
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,029
Oh, lovely.
29
00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:47,515
You wanna try taking a couple of gobfuls
of air between ciggies, you know.
30
00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:50,029
Nice bit of breakfast that,
this morning.
31
00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,549
I thought it'd be all frog's legs
and all that rubbish,
32
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,320
but no, good English fry-up. Very nice.
33
00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:00,435
Mind you, I've got a bit of something
trapped in me teeth.
34
00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:03,278
(SUCKING NOISES)
35
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,270
I think it's a bit of bacon fat.
36
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,119
Yeah, well,
spare us the details, thanks.
37
00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:15,795
- Mam, give over!
- I'm not gonna leave it there, am I?
38
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:17,672
Why don't you just give your teeth
to our Michael?
39
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,314
He'll give them a swill in the pool.
40
00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:21,874
(LAUGHING)
41
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,552
Where is our Michael?
42
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:34,151
Oh, look who it is!
It's the belle of Benidorm.
43
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,794
Hello!
It's Mr and Mrs Stewart, isn't it?
44
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:38,831
Donald and Jacqueline, please.
45
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,837
You remember Kelly from last year,
don't you?
46
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,839
Course I do!
Oh, don't you look smashing?
47
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,759
- Oh, thank you.
- So you've decided to stay on?
48
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,236
Yeah. The money's still rubbish,
but it was worth it.
49
00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:55,759
- Oh, would you look at that!
- Lovely.
50
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,511
Mateo and I are getting married
next year.
51
00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:02,599
- Oh, him.
- Right, well, I'd better get on.
52
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:05,314
I've got to give these leaflets out
and then start the kid's club, so...
53
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,238
All right, sweetheart. See you later.
54
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:08,680
- Bye.
- Bye.
55
00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:14,956
Look at the state of that.
Like flies to shite.
56
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,199
There must be a flight to London today.
Will you please check again?
57
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,870
The only flight you'll get today
will cost you 310 euros.
58
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,713
- Each.
- You're joking.
59
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:31,913
And that's if you can get to Alicante
in the next 14 minutes.
60
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,515
Oh, this is ridiculous!
61
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,232
Um, thank you.
62
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:48,432
Can't shift that bit of bacon fat.
I think it's bacon fat.
63
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,076
Telle, go and have a look
for our Michael.
64
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:54,158
- I'm doing summat.
- It weren't so bad when it were salty,
65
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:57,796
but it's lost all it's flavour now.
It just feels horrible.
66
00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,877
Do you mind?
I'm gonna have me dinner in a minute.
67
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:04,198
- He was here a minute ago.
- It's just stuck there, won't move.
68
00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:09,510
It's at the front and the back.
69
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,991
It's definitely wedged in.
70
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,479
Oh, do you know,
there's nowt more irritating.
71
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:19,672
I can think of something
more bloody irritating!
72
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,992
Why don't you just take your teeth out
and sort it? Give us all a bit of peace.
73
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:24,838
I'm not taking me teeth out here.
74
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,759
Well, then, can we not have
the running commentary?
75
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,510
- Well, how long is it gonna be there?
- How the bloody hell do I know!
76
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,393
With your breath,
I'm surprised it's not disintegrated.
77
00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:38,070
You disgust me, do you know that?
You've got the manners of an animal.
78
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,350
Ha! That's a bit rich
coming from someone
79
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:43,359
who's got half a pig wedged in her gob!
80
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:45,232
(MICK SNORTING)
81
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:50,029
- Oh, that's enough.
- Hey, come on. You're on holiday.
82
00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:54,030
- Thanks.
- De nada. Hey, cariño.
83
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,950
- Come on, get your kit off.
- I beg your pardon?
84
00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:01,193
- Coming in?
- I'd rather drink bleach.
85
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,880
Get a gobful of this water,
you'll be drinking more than bleach.
86
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,195
Oh.
87
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:07,315
Oh!
88
00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:15,953
Ugh, I'm convinced that hideous-looking
woman only gets in to have a piss.
89
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,639
That is a bloke.
90
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,510
Oh, my God!
91
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:24,434
Excuse me.
92
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,317
When you've got a minute.
93
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:33,958
Is this your money on the bar?
Oh, no, my mistake.
94
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:38,551
- Slow Comfortable Screw, please.
- Sorry, boss. No cocktails.
95
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,832
- What do you mean, no cocktails?
- You want beer?
96
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,397
Yes, I'll have a beer.
That'll be easier for you, won't it?
97
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,672
And an orange juice,
if it's not too much trouble.
98
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,633
I hear congratulations are in order.
99
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,596
Sorry, my English very bad.
100
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:59,198
Yes, when it suits you.
101
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:03,634
We met Kelly last year, lovely girl.
102
00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:08,877
Oh, Kelly, yeah. She is very beautiful.
103
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:12,994
Yes, she is. A beautiful girl
and a beautiful person.
104
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:16,233
We'd hate to see her get hurt.
105
00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:18,950
Nuts?
106
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:23,389
You keep your nuts to yourself.
107
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,480
Here we are, ladies.
Large vodka and orange.
108
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,079
Hey, good job no one's counting, Madge,
109
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,759
otherwise they'd know
it was your fourth!
110
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,791
Shut up. I'm on holiday.
111
00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,989
- Did you see our Michael?
- No, I didn't see him.
112
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,270
- What, and that's it?
- What do you mean?
113
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,835
Our son is missing and
all you can say is I didn't see him?
114
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,793
He's not missing, is he?
He's just not here.
115
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,909
Why don't you go and look for him?
116
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:58,115
No, you're right. He can't be far.
He'll be back when he's hungry.
117
00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:01,756
Well, I'm off for a wander.
I'll keep an eye out for him.
118
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,234
Where are you going?
119
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:06,512
I'll thank you to keep that
out of my business, young lady.
120
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:11,032
Don't you worry. I try and keep that
as far away from you as possible.
121
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,359
(SCREAMING)
122
00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,198
Sorry! Sorry!
123
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,311
What about tomorrow!
124
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:26,798
Well, I don't care.
Gatwick, Stansted, Luton. Anywhere.
125
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:32,591
Not one seat? No, don't bother.
126
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,150
- Any luck?
- What do you think?
127
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:39,310
- Another five days in this squalor.
- It's hardly squalor.
128
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:44,073
Okay, so the room's not up to much,
the food could be a bit better.
129
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,840
And some of the people
are a bit rough around the edges,
130
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,190
but at least the sun's shining.
131
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,597
The room is disgusting,
the food is atrocious,
132
00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:57,476
the people are revolting
and that sun is too hot.
133
00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:02,872
The room is adequate,
the food is basic and the people...
134
00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:06,514
Well, at least
the people are enjoying themselves!
135
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:10,759
The problem with you is you're
never satisfied with what you've got!
136
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:28,029
"Alternative to the front entrance,"
four letters.
137
00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,230
Anal.
138
00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:32,589
Bastard!
139
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:36,395
- Are you okay, pal?
- Me batteries have died.
140
00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:40,800
Oh, I see. What size are they?
We've got a few batteries in our room.
141
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:42,155
Double A?
142
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:43,918
Oh, no, they're the wee ones,
aren't they?
143
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:45,758
No, they're quite big, the ones we have.
144
00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:50,238
Mind you, there won't be much juice
left in them after last night.
145
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,397
It's The Barnacle, isn't it?
146
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,636
- The Oracle.
- Oh, yes.
147
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,151
Reigning Lancashire Pub Quiz Champion.
Unbeaten since...
148
00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:04,231
- That's right, great name. The Oracle.
- Or Geoff. I don't mind either.
149
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,990
Good to know you, Geoff.
I'm Donald, this is Jacqueline.
150
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,396
- Hello.
- Yeah, I know. I remember.
151
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:13,797
Oh, that's right, we spoke before.
You're here with your mum.
152
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,991
Will you and your mum
be going to Neptune's
153
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,873
-for the karaoke tonight, Geoff?
- Oh, aye.
154
00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,351
It'll be a good night
tomorrow night as well.
155
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,711
It's Terry Burke, hypnotist,
a personal friend of ours.
156
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,434
Nothing offensive, all good family fun.
157
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:31,349
Oh, right. Might go to that.
Me mum's seen a hypnotist before.
158
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,794
Yes. I can well believe that.
159
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,313
(SNORING)
160
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,954
- How's your burger?
- Nice.
161
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:46,678
Enjoying yourself?
162
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:50,599
- It's only a burger.
- I mean, this holiday.
163
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:55,792
Yeah, it's good.
Better than being at home, innit?
164
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,913
- I do worry about you, darling.
- What for?
165
00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:01,758
What do you mean, what for?
166
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,918
You're 16 and you're pregnant.
I'm worried about a lot of things.
167
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:08,590
- How you're gonna cope...
- I'm not getting rid of it!
168
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,439
I'm not saying you should get rid of it.
169
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,156
Me nana said
that if I don't get rid of it,
170
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:24,069
then Social Services will take it off me
because of me age.
171
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:28,239
When did you start taking
any notice of the things your nana says?
172
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:36,158
- Why is me nana so horrible?
- Your nana...
173
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,470
Your nana's had a hard life.
174
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:47,797
What was me grandad like?
175
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,589
He was a funny bugger. Most men are.
176
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,151
Wasn't he a fisherman or something?
177
00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:58,750
He was a skipper on a boat.
He was at sea most of the time.
178
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,598
Didn't he once bring home a monkey?
179
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,233
- He did, yeah.
- A real monkey?
180
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:05,079
Yeah. Only a little thing it was.
181
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,598
It ran up the curtains
and peed on your nana's head.
182
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,313
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
183
00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:13,917
Is that why me nana smells?
184
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:18,357
# I'm a pink toothbrush
You're a blue toothbrush
185
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,114
# Will you marry me some day?
186
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,278
# I'll be true, toothbrush
Just to you, toothbrush
187
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:29,395
# If we both use the same toothpaste #
188
00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:31,033
(FEEDBACK ON SPEAKERS)
189
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,436
Thank you very much. Thank you!
190
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:49,555
- Hola.
- Oh, you surprised me.
191
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:53,878
Excuse me.
You look very hot and thirsty.
192
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:58,752
- I offer you Sex on the Beach.
- I beg your pardon?
193
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:02,919
Vodka, peach schnapps, creme de cassis,
orange and cranberry.
194
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,031
A beautiful long cocktail.
195
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:10,114
It's a bit early for me.
To drink, I mean. Alcohol.
196
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:12,917
Okay. I leave this for you.
197
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:20,679
I go now. I have my break.
198
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,753
Twenty minutes.
199
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:27,393
Like you, I am very hot today also.
200
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,754
I go lie down on my bed in my room.
201
00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:33,998
I leave the door open because I am hot.
202
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:36,834
Number 18.
203
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,556
Yes, well, it is very hot today.
204
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,318
I never see you smile.
205
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:45,999
You are
206
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:52,157
beautiful lady
and deserve a beautiful holiday.
207
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:57,154
It is my job to give you one.
208
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:03,834
I go now for my break in room 18.
209
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:21,390
NANA: # If they don't mean what they say
210
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,477
# They don't mean...
211
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:24,954
(COUGHING)
212
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:31,349
# ...what they say
213
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:32,914
# Yeah! #
214
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,917
Now that is what
I call a woman in her prime.
215
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,838
Which is more than can be said
216
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:12,951
for the lounge lizard
that's flirting with her.
217
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,673
Ooh, it's lovely in there.
218
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,359
Aye, I noticed
you were enjoying yourself.
219
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,551
Oh, yeah, sorry. I'll have to keep
an eye on that, won't I?
220
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,115
It's not the only thing
you were keeping an eye on, is it?
221
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:25,120
Here she is, the only one I've got
eyes for, my beautiful daughter.
222
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,550
- Shut up!
- What have you got all these for?
223
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,353
Me mam said to get a few.
224
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,232
She can't keep going
up and down for drinks.
225
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:32,794
She is pregnant, you know.
226
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:36,709
Hey, how about that for timing?
Pass one over.
227
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,477
Where have you been?
We've been worried about you.
228
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,752
- Speak for yourself.
- He found himself a little kiddies club.
229
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,598
Got some little friends now,
haven't you?
230
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,074
Oh, was it good?
231
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:49,716
Yeah, but then she came in
and started singing and made Jamie cry.
232
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:53,595
Aw, there's always one
to spoil it for the rest, isn't there?
233
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,871
- There you are.
- Where did you go?
234
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,071
I just went to get a newspaper
235
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,679
and I came back
more or less straightaway.
236
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,314
- Where have you been?
- I went upstairs for a lie down.
237
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:15,512
I just went upstairs to look for you.
You weren't in the room.
238
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:19,110
No. I went for a walk first,
then I went for a lie down.
239
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,915
You look hot. Are you feeling okay?
240
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,792
I'm fine. We're in Spain,
it's supposed to be hot.
241
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:28,395
Yes.
242
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:34,633
Look, I'm really sorry I shouted at you.
243
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:39,151
What? Oh, don't be silly.
244
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,396
Let's go upstairs
and get showered and changed.
245
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:45,353
- We can go for an early dinner.
- What, here?
246
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,317
Well, it's all-inclusive.
247
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,398
We may as well make use
of all the facilities.
248
00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:54,315
Come on.
249
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:10,473
All together now, ladies and gentlemen.
Just imagine you're on your holidays.
250
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,911
Are you happy, love? Let your face know.
251
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,675
Oh, thank you, darling.
252
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:21,714
Well, will you look at that?
Just what the doctor ordered.
253
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,593
Jesus, who's your doctor?
Bernard Manning?
254
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:30,315
- How's your steak?
- Mmm, surprisingly good.
255
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:34,869
I thought this soup would be tinned,
but it tastes homemade.
256
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,518
- is that good or bad?
- Good.
257
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,359
Jacqueline loves the gays,
don't you, darling?
258
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,154
- Oh, yes.
- What were the names of your friends
259
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,635
who used to buy
the rubber gloves from you?
260
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,434
Jacqueline used to work
in pharmaceutical sales.
261
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,233
Terry and Bernie.
262
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:57,433
Terry and Bernie,
big strapping lads, weren't they?
263
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,517
Muscles in their spit.
264
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:03,599
Dead now, but my God,
what a smashing couple.
265
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,040
They were.
266
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:09,074
Big burly guys, army crew cuts,
big moustaches,
267
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,350
looked like lumberjacks, didn't they?
268
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:15,314
- Nothing poofy about them. No offence.
- None taken.
269
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:20,116
You know, I reckon you gays
can teach the straights a thing or two.
270
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,880
- Do you know what I mean?
- What? Fashion sense?
271
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:27,233
No, no, no, no.
I mean, I don't mean to he graphic,
272
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:33,434
but there's nothing more a wife can do
to show her husband that she loves him
273
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:39,317
than by letting him, you know,
park his car round the back.
274
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:41,555
Yes.
275
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:45,873
Flowers are nice.
276
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,274
Oh.
277
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:53,713
Okay, let's get this party started.
And a very, very warm Benidorm welcome
278
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:57,310
to our first karaoke cab
off the rank tonight,
279
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,750
singing You're the One that I want,
280
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:03,589
it's Geoff Maltby,
also known as The Oracle,
281
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,314
ah, and his mother!
282
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,194
She's me PA.
283
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:14,430
Whoo!
284
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,391
# I got chills
285
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,830
# They're multiplying
286
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:23,351
# And I'm losing control
287
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:27,756
# 'Cause the power you're supplying
288
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,200
# It's electrifying #>
289
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,391
I know we've not been getting on lately,
290
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:35,559
and maybe this holiday
was a bit of a mistake.
291
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:41,399
Maybe... Maybe we won't be able
to work things out.
292
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:46,071
Maybe we'll decide to call it a day,
but at least for the rest of this week,
293
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,918
nobody’s going to be able to say
I didn't try.
294
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:54,920
# You're the one that I want
You are the one I want
295
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:56,917
GEOFF'S MUM: # Ooh, hoo, hoo
296
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:58,394
# The one that I want:..#
297
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,875
I was going to give you this
on the last day,
298
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,196
but I want you to have it now.
299
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:13,191
I love you even more
than the day I married you, Kate.
300
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,356
# The one that I want
You are the one I want
301
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,073
# Woo hoo hoo
302
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,635
# The one that I want
You are one I want
303
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,593
I know we can make this work
if we both try.
304
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,520
# Oh, yes, indeed
305
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,154
# You're the one that I want
You are the one I want
306
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,078
It's up to you.
307
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,759
# The one that I want
308
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:34,795
# Woo hoo hoo
309
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:38,754
Kate? What is it? What have I done now!
310
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,038
# The one I need
# I need
311
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,276
# Oh, yes, indeed
# Yes, indeed #
312
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,157
Walt, wait. You are okay?
313
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,396
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Please just let me go.
314
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:52,558
I cannot let you go like this.
You are a beautiful lady.
315
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,273
Please do not cry.
316
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,073
- Get off me!
- Wait.
317
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,272
Look, what happened
this afternoon between us was a mistake.
318
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:02,119
You understand? A big mistake.
319
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:06,757
But your eyes, I look into your eyes,
they tell me you want Mateo.
320
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:10,350
It was just sex. You don't know me.
321
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:17,320
Kelly! This is not what it seems.
322
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,155
You said you wouldn't do it again.
You promised.
323
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,396
Kelly, please, you don't understand.
324
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:25,638
This woman is mad.
I've never seen her before.
325
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:27,034
Excuse me!
326
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,312
What I have done may be stupid,
but I am not mad!
327
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,676
Did you see where the ring went?
328
00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:46,078
# You are the one I want
# Woo hoo hoo
329
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,874
# The one that I want
You are the one I want #
26661
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