Original subtitles

FANFARE

JAZZ DANCE MUSIC

APPLAUSE

APPLAUSE

At Last The 1948 Show.

Hello.

I'm the lovely Aimi MacDonald.

Here are a few facts about the lovely Aimi MacDonald.

She is terribly famous, and clever,

and she reads lots and hates spiders.

Well, that's quite enough for now about the lovely Aimi MacDonald.

Ooh! Wait a minute, darling.

I'm supposed to introduce the show.

Ladies and gentlemen, the show.

Good evening. Here is the news.

President Tito arrived at London Airport earlier this evening

on the first stage of his five-day visit to the...

GLASS SHATTERS

Somebody's stolen the news.

May I have the news back, please?

I'm so sorry about this, um...

Will you please bring the news back immediately?

SHOUTING

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Well, as I was saying... it appears that this, uh... this president

um... president...

of, um...

MAN: Yugoslavia! ..Yugoslavia...

has arrived at London Airport, to... to... to...

see... uh... somebody... um...

very important about... um...

something...

..very important, I imagine.

Apart from that... um...

Excuse me one moment.

Will you give me the news now?!

Give it! No! Give it back or I'll... No!

President Tito and Madam Tito

were met at London Airport by...

Argh!

..Mr Jor...

And now a quick look at the weather.

FANFARE

Topic, a frank discussion of a controversial problem.

This week, Franklin Trevelyan

talks to Dr Rhomboid Goatcabin

about freedom of speech.

Dr Goatcabin, what I want to ask you first

is do you believe that, in this country,

there is freedom of speech?

Well, I...

Or, to put it another way, do you believe

there is, in this country, freedom of speech?

Yes, well, I think...

Or, to... to paraphrase that,

do you believe that there is freedom of speech in this country?

Yes. Yes, I do... In other words,

are people in this country free to speak?

Yes, well, I... That is what I mean.

Perhaps I should say, that by "free",

I mean, of course, unrestrained. By "speech",

I mean the act of speaking. Yes, quite.

And by "in this country", I mean, of course, Great Britain.

Yes, I do appreciate... And Northern Ireland.

And the Channel Islands.

And not, of course, abroad. No.

I mean, let me put it another way,

to what extent do you, as opposed to anyone else...

I know the question. ..who would be other people.

I do know the question.

By "feel", I mean believe... I know the question.

..consider, hold to be true... I know the question!

I know the question! I know the question!

I know, I know the question!

..that is in fact the case. I know the question!

I know the quest...

Or not.

What, what, me? Yes.

You want to know what I think? That's right.

Really? Yes.

Well, I...

I've forgotten the question.

Er... freedom of speech. Oh, yes, yes.

What I was asking was do you feel that freedom of speech

in this country is an illusion? I remember the question!

Or a reality? I remember the question!

I remember.

I remember the question!

I do know the question!

I know the question!

I remember the question!

I do know the question!

I know it!

I didn't want to come here.

You made me come here.

..must be considered... I didn't want to come!

I'm going now. I'm going.

I'm going. ..on a relative,

as opposed to an absolute problem.

When I say "problem",

I do mean an issue that affects all of us at this time.

I mean, I always myself feel that one is universally agreed

that some restriction on the right of free speech

is necessary, for example, in the case of the law of libel...

TRUMPETING, DRUMMING

MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH

..as the case may be.

I mean, bearing in mind, that, with censorship,

many of the facts that lead to a repression of a person's opinion

can, in fact, lead, if bottled up,

to extremely violent states of action.

Though I do not personally believe it to be the case...

..as there seems to be little evidence

to this effect.

Well, I always feel,

in the case of freedom of speech,

one can only...

However, I'm afraid that is all that we have time for tonight.

Good night. Argh!

APPLAUSE

And cue.

All I said was, "Kiss me, Hardy."

It's a bit bold, really, and it gives a lady such a bad name.

APPLAUSE

T-t-t-t-t-t-t.

T-t-t-t.

Excuse me, is this seat occupied?

No.

T-t-t-t-t-t.

Excuse me, would you mind if I changed places with you?

What?

Could I sit there?

Oh, yes, I suppose so.

T-t-t-t-t-t.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

What?

I thought I would like sitting here,

but now I'm here, I find it's not as good as I thought it would be.

Oh. I'll sit there.

Erm...

do you mind if I smoke?

Er, no, not at all. Are you sure?

Yes, thank you.

You're not just saying that to be polite?

No, no, no, please, do smoke.

Only, you would say if you didn't want me to?

Yes, I would.

Really?

Yes, I promise I would.

So, you don't mind if I smoke?

No.

Only, some people might object.

Yes, but not me.

I was just making sure.

Thank you. I wish I had a cigarette.

I wish I had a cigarette that I could smoke.

If only I had a cigarette...

Do you want a cigarette? Ooh!

Ooh. Ooh.

Er, no, I don't think I will.

Please, take one. No, I mustn't, no.

No, take one. No, no, really, no.

All right.

I wish I hadn't refused that cigarette.

How I wish I hadn't refused the cigarette

that nice gentleman offered me...

Ooh! Ooh, thank you.

Thank you very much, thank you.

Aren't you going to smoke it? No.

See, if I smoke it now,

I won't have one for after.

After what?

After I've smoked this one.

If I had two cigarettes now, it would be plain sailing.

Yes, what I chiefly need is two cigarettes.

Have another cigarette. Thank you.

Keep the packet. Thank you very much.

Not at all. No, thank you, though.

OK. No, but thank you.

That's all right.

Yes, but thank you.

Shut up!

Bah!

What was that? It was me.

It's a speech impediment.

I used to go, "Bah!"

after every second word.

I used to say,

"Hello there, bah, Mr Moonstreet!

"Bah!

"How are, bah, you today, bah?

"I'm fine, bah!"

Yes, yes, yes. I do follow, I do understand.

They cured me at the hospital, though.

The doctors, they were wonderful.

They stopped me going "Bah!"

after every second word.

How?

They said, don't go, "Bah!" after every second word.

And it worked.

Now I only go,

bah, when I want to!

Bah! I wanted to then.

Once upon a time, there was a fairy prince

and his name was Arthur Aldridge.

And he got on a train

and a magic wizard gave him some cigarettes, magic cigarettes.

What are you talking about?

I'm telling myself a story to pass the time.

Well, will you please tell it quietly?

MOUTHS

..lived happily ever after. The end.

I spy with my little eye

something beginning with...

..B... Quiet.

..or J.

Quiet, please. B or J.

B or J?

Easy, B or J.

How can it begin with a B or a J?

For various reasons, none of which I'm at liberty to divulge.

B or J.

What's the answer?

Ectoplasm.

Ectoplasm?

Mr BJ Ectoplasm.

He works in my office.

But you can't see him!

You can if you have an appointment.

I can make myself disappear.

Well, why don't you go and disappear, then?

I can disappear, make myself invisible.

Right, disappear. I can't do it while you're watching me.

Look over there.

I've gone.

I'm back.

I've gone. I've gone.

Look, will you please just stop...?

Once upon a time, there was a fairy prince

and his name was Arthur Aldridge.

And he got on a train and a magic wizard gave him some cigarettes,

magic cigarettes, and he said to the wizard, he said...

Oh!

Argh! Oh! Argh! Oh!

Argh!

O-o-o-o-o-oh.

Ah.

And they all lived happily ever after. The end.

APPLAUSE

Hello.

Last week, I showed you the lovely Aimi MacDonald dolly

and the demand was so enormous, just everyone wanted one.

So, specially for you,

we are now making them in different sizes, and here they are.

DOLLS: 'The lovely Aimi MacDonald. is very, very lovely.

'The lovely Aimi MacDonald is very, very lovely.

'The lovely Aimi MacDonald is very, very lovely.'

They don't say very much,

but they certainly know what they're talking about.

APPLAUSE

Hello.

Well, now, let me remind you,

about one or two of our programmes later this evening.

At ten o'clock, there will be another chance

to see the second repeat of a repeat of a programme

which was first repeated at 9:30.

And then at 10:30, there will be a third chance

to see a recording of a repeat of the first part

of the Sports Report report on sport,

which is a repeat of the Sports Report report repeat

reported by Peter Porter on the Sports Report report.

This is a repeat.

Well, now, it's almost half past eight,

and time for our live programme, the 791st episode

of our interminably popular serial, The Willetts of Littlehampton.

Leo! Sarah.

Leo, is it really you?

Yes.

After six years.

Let me look at you, Sarah.

You've hardly changed.

Haven't I?

How was Malaya?

Pretty damn grisly.

I wanted you every moment, Sarah.

No, Leo, you mustn't.

You... know...

I heard.

Congratulations, Sarah.

Or should I call you Mrs Mellish?

Please don't remind me.

Is he here?

Your husband?

No.

He's never here now.

Oh, God, it's so lonely, Leo.

Poor Sarah, poor little darling.

SHE SOBS

Sarah, there's something I must ask you.

This way, party, this way.

Now, this is a television studio, you see.

This is one of our main studios.

There seems to be some sort of rehearsal going on down here.

Please carry on, don't mind us.

Just showing round a party from Jordanian Television,

wanna have a look-see, OK.

Now, over here, we've got some cameras.

You were saying, Leo.

Erm...

Oh, yes, Sarah, there's something I must ask you.

You remember that letter I sent you from Singapore, after Arthur died?

Did you open it?

No, of course not. You said not to.

Where is it? It's in the study.

Sarah, I want you to get it now. I want you to read it.

Now? Please, Sarah, don't argue. Do as I say.

Very well.

Now we are back on the set again, you see.

Thank you so much, dear.

Now, this is supposed to be a drawing room.

It's not real, of course, just a lick of paint

and a few pieces of plywood, this sort of thing here.

Oh, dear.

Sorry about this.

By the way, this is a stage hand.

And now over here, we'll just meet one of our actor chappies.

Hello there. Hello. We're on the air.

Jolly good, well done.

Now, these gentlemen are from Jordanian Television.

We're on the air, get off.

Here's the letter, Leo.

Excuse my friends.

What? Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

I suppose this is Uncle Harry and his Arabian friends.

Uncle Harry and his Arabian friends.

Yes, that's Uncle Harry. Oh, no, we're not in the play.

I'm Head of Drama. Shh!

Well, how nice to see you like this, Uncle Harry,

right out of the blue, so unexpectedly.

Accompanied, as usual, by your inseparable Arabian friends.

I wonder if you would excuse us

while we get on and read the letter?

Yes, don't let us get in the way.

I'm sure you're frightfully busy rehearsing your play.

Jolly good. All right, Jordanian party, this way.

I want you to see a boom microphone. They're rather fascinating.

Fancy seeing Uncle Harry again.

Yes.

Isn't it amazing how interested he still is in Arabs.

Yes. And television.

Years ahead of his time.

Yes, yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

They're not, are they?

Oh, the letter, Sarah.

I want you to read it, do you hear me, Sarah?

I want you to read every word.

It explains everything about that evening at Locksby,

about Teddy's suicide, about everything.

Oh, my God.

Argh!

Uncle Harry seems to have left

one of his Arabian friends behind, Sarah.

So he has.

Go away.

He's always, always doing things like that.

Silly old Uncle Harry.

Why don't you go and join Uncle Harry

and your two friends in the garden?

Um... Sarah.

I want you to finish reading the donkey.

The letter.

I want you to read every word, do you hear me?

Every single word.

And then I want to talk about us, Sarah.

Could you move up, Uncle Harry's friend?

Leo,

Leo, you realise this means that my marriage to Lionel is...

Yes.

Then he's not really... No.

Oh, Leo.

Oh, Leo, then we are free to...

Yes, darling Sarah, yes.

Oh, Leo, darling,

we're alone at last.

Apart from Uncle Harry's friend.

Sarah, it's been so long since we were together like this.

Just the two of us...

and an Arab.

Oh, Sarah, I love you, do you hear me?

I love you madly.

I love you, too, Leo.

Argh!

Erm...

Why don't you go for a stroll in the garden, Uncle Harry's friend?

Argh!

Erm, Sarah, I'll go and fetch Uncle Harry.

Argh!

Sorry to bother you again. Argh!

I think I lost one of my party.

Ah. Ah, there you are. Oh, dear.

Prince Abdul thing,

we are moving on to Studio Two now to see colour television.

This is a live production.

Live, now, we are on the air, not a rehearsal?

Um...

Ah, there you are, Uncle Harry.

Good evening, yes.

Here I am, Uncle Harry.

Uncle Harry, here I am. Not the Head of Drama.

Not remotely like him.

But, as you so aptly put it, Uncle Harry.

Jolly good. Good evening, I'm Uncle Harry.

Am I on the right camera?

Yes, Uncle Harry, yes.

Sarah and I want to be alone, Uncle Harry.

I wonder if you would mind taking your Arabian friend

for a walk in the garden?

In the garden? Garden.

Oh, he's gone.

Ah, well, it doesn't matter now, Uncle.

Lovely to see you again, Uncle Harry. Uncle Harry.

Goodbye. Oh.

Goodbye and please give my love to Gladys.

Ad-libbing, you know, trying to keep it going.

Quick, Sarah, there's not a moment to lose.

Come with me now. Oh, yes, Leo.

Now.

But let's savour this moment, it's so wonderful.

Inshallah!

Come with me now, Sarah, before it's too late.

Quiet! I can hear someone coming.

I think it's my husband.

Aha! So, this is the way you treat me, Sarah.

I leave you here alone...

Except for the Arabs.

What? Except for the Arabs.

I leave you here alone, except for the Arabs,

and when I come home, what do I find?

Him.

It's no good, Mellish.

Sarah knows about Sebastian's will.

What? Yes, and Teddy's suicide.

I told her everything. You mean she knows?

Yes. I know that we are not legally married.

Don't say I didn't warn you, Leo.

Argh!

Ah.

I'm going to kill you. I'm Uncle Harry, you see.

Who? And...

And the director told...

No, I thought. I thought it would be a good idea

if I asked my Arabian friends

if they'd like to leave the studio... the living room

and make things easier for you, jolly good.

I don't care who's here, Leo. I'm going to kill you.

No, Lionel, no! Keep away from him, Sarah.

I'll give you three.

One...

two... This way, Nigerian party.

This is a studio. You may have seen some...

SHRIEKING

SHOUTING

You!

You! You bloody fool!

You ruined my whole bloody,

bloody programme!

Oh, no!

HE WEEPS

I'm so sorry.

Is Leo mortally wounded?

Will Lionel Mellish find the letter?

Or will the Head of Children's Programmes turn up

with a load of flaming Eskimos?

Don't ask me, we only do the bloody programme.

This way, Eskimo party, this is one of our studios.

That's a camera. If you'd like to have a look at that there.

That's a lens.

You probably have the same in your country.

You can see a red light on it.

HE CONTINUES SPEAKING

APPLAUSE

Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com.