Original subtitles

In this city millions of people need to communicate.

This is why I, Igor Strizhevskiy, a night club administrator,

every Friday, do something like this.

And as the night club administrator I see thousands of faces every week,

but really I remember just a few of them.

Today I'll remember these ones.

Mikhail Bondar.

The Pablo Visconti footwear brand means not only advanced Italian technologies

but affordable prices as well.

A low end footwear maker.

Mikhail has two weak points.

What are you wearing on your feet?

The first one is his brand.

Pablo Visconti!

I wear these shoes every day.

Why didn't you, idiots, bother to put on yours, now at least

when we are making a commercial?

The second weak point is his ardor.

You know I never lose.

Want a race to the Third Ring Road? I bet I can beat you!

But he has some strengths as well. His mom, for example.

Mom, I'll call you back.

I flooded you with government tenders

and you've screwed it up!

- How have you accumulated so much debt? - Mom, crisis. The sales are dropping.

If you don't increase sales, I'll bankrupt the firm.

I want to hear your plan tomorrow morning.

In the world of business sharks,

Bondar is an impudent, aggressive, resourceful minnow.

Bitch.

By the way, have you had your meal?

UZBEK

Timir.

Aren't you Russian?

A native of Muruntau settlement in central Uzbekistan.

Two weeks in Moscow.

He compensates his lack of money and zero knowledge of Russian with

self-confidence and mother wit.

This helped him to get a good position in our club and even fall in love with

a chef's assistant whose name is Ulmas.

Hi.

I've brought a gift for you. It's there.

But how to tell your beloved about your feelings

if you speak only Uzbek and she is Tajik.

What did he say?

His only fellow countryman in the club is the chef,

but the conversation did not go too well.

What was that?

Who brought this shit to my kitchen?

I repeat, whose is it? When I find out who brought it, I'll fire that person.

However, self-confidence and the reproductive urge

make Timir take action.

Vitaliy.

Six months in Moscow.

He works in a tourist agency and thinks he has unique abilities:

telekinesis, inexplicable animal magnetism,

and the ability to attract objects.

Yet, Vitaly is not quite able to attract other people, and, consequently,

his colleagues are less accepting of him,

including the boss himself and the accountant.

Perhaps because Vitaliy always tries to be a smart aleck.

Capoeira, right?

There is no real capoeira in Russia.

I took lessons in Novosib from a Brazilian master for two years.

That was the real capoeira. And now it's just choreography.

Why has everyone stopped talking?

Today the tourist agency is having a corporate party.

Everyone except Vitaliy.

Simply put, they ditched him, shook him off.

But the humanist Vitaliy thought they had simply forgotten to invite him.

Valya.

I'm not Valya. I'm Valentin.

Yes, yes, of course.

Master of Sports in freestyle wrestling,

a candidate for the Russian national team

In two seconds he will learn some unpleasant news.

You should stop wrestling.

It's for sure.

Cause of injury: blow from a tyre lever to the knee.

Then trite words of consolation.

You could succeed in many things.

Take my ex-mother-in-law, for example.

She's a district champion of Nordic walking.

And she's happy. Bitch.

But for real help Valentin turned to his best friend

What shall I do now?

Who immediately found an honorable way out.

Look, you're kind of tense. You should relax.

In female company, of course.

But there was a catch. Valentin had not been in female company too often.

And when he had, it was Dynamo Sports Society mainly.

So Gosha's suggestion seemed very tempting.

Vera.

MOTHER

I replied to him with a phrase from the movie One Day.

I said, "Sweetheart, I want to have a child from a loved one.

And if that doesn't work, then from you.

After a brief and colorful love with the leader of the group "Horrors of Pavlik"

Vera learned that Pavlik had found a more authentic girlfriend.

But he left Vera with a beautiful child.

For two years now Vera has been sitting at home

and communicating with the world through social networking services.

But today Vera finally has a chance to go out into the world.

Today I'm going to my favourite group's concert. I can't believe it.

However, her nanny decided to use the chance to go to Roza Rymbaeva's concert

in the Electrod Cultural Centre on Volgogradskiy Avenue.

No, Aigul, you can't do this to me, we had a deal!

Please!

But it was not like Vera to give up without a fight.

A breath of fresh air then let's begin.

Gennadiy Antonov, an experienced psychotherapist.

After a painful dismissal from a large firm he keeps a video blog.

Is there a way to get rid of social masks? Of course there is.

Like most psychologists, Antonov himself needs a personal psychologist.

For now it is his wife Lena.

Gena, have you taken my charger again? Oops, sorry.

By the way, do you remember it's Friday today and you promised me an evening.

Shut the door, please. I'm shooting a video, can't you see?

You could have warned me, Gen.

I warned you twice: before yoga and at lunch.

I'm sorry, I didn't hear.

But this psycho pair has a wonderful daughter.

Is there a way to get rid of social masks? Of course there is.

Stop! I haven't told you about myself.

ME

Igor. Igor, are you here? Igor, do you hear me at all?

No. I don't hear you!

As a reflective man, I'm scared by three things:

bored visitors,

identical twins

and monotonous sounds.

But what scares me most is having to perform on stage.

You have to understand, Maksim Leonidovich! I can't go on stage.

When I'm up there, Maksim Leonidovich, I feel like I'm in hell.

I see everything through fire.

But today my boss decided to leave the club for a very strange reason.

My friend has been stuck at the custom office in Prague

for three days with trained pigeons.

If he doesn't fly today, the trained pigeons will die. Understand?

Three hours. You can do it. Good luck.

I understand one thing.

Today is the club's birthday and if Maksim doesn't come back,

I'll have to go on stage. And he didn't have to help his friend.

He simply decided to throw an unexpected party...

So, do you like it?

Are you a moron?

To reconcile two friends who had a fight over a woman.

Thanks for reminding me.

OK, I'll stay for 10 minutes,

drink only with you and you'll be sitting between us.

Yet I have to give people this little celebration.

Who am I? Simply put, I'm the director of the Friday.

Today, on the club's birthday, there will be a lot of problems

and most of them will be caused by this man.

I always win!

I haven't lost, I've been stopped from winning.

You have a great car, but happy birthday anyway.

I think everything stops you from winning.

I think something stops you from being a good artist,

but I don't shout about it everywhere.

Mike, it's time to find harmony in the circle.

What would you like to drink?

I'll pour myself.

Maybe Armagnac?

Don't you hear well?

I've told you I'll pour it myself?

I'm just a waiter and have to serve you.

OK, serve me.

Jesus, Andreas... do you recruit them at railway stations?

A seal could do it better.

Kostya, thank you, you can go.

I'm sorry.

I suggest we drink to my club before Mike makes all the waiters leave.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

How is your firm doing?

- How have you accumulated so much debt? - Mom, crisis. The sales are dropping.

If you don't increase sales, I'll bankrupt the firm.

My firm is OK.

Yours or your mom's?

Mine. Unlike your paintings that are only yours

because Kandinskiy died and can't sue.

I paint my paintings myself

and sell them myself

without my mom.

Right, Mike! Nick and me, made it on our own.

He started as an artist on the Arbat; I began as a waiter,

but somehow for you it all just came together.

You mean I can't earn money myself?

- You mean you can? - Do you want to bet?

Sure, why not?

OK. How?

Well, you didn't like the way my waiter worked. Can you replace him?

Screw you.

Take note: he's chickening out.

Look, forget it.

What are the conditions?

You'll work as a waiter till three o'clock.

If you earn 10 thousand rubles as a tip, you'll be the winner.

What are you betting?

You seem to have liked my car.

And I like yours.

Agreed?

And Vera, like a princess imprisoned in a tower, was sitting at home

alone with her beautiful baby.

But she wanted so much to be among people, at the concert.

One little breath of freedom, one short post on a social networking service.

Just for 15 minutes. And the club is within easy distance.

Should anything happen, she will be back in one minute.

And her baby is sleeping.

But no... although...

And suddenly a plan came to Vera.

Vera imagined herself Queen of the ball.

Even more significant than a selfie stick.

For the first time in two years she was feeling happy,

which couldn't be said about my new waiter.

What?

Venison medallions are off. Any shrimps are on.

You mean I have to flog shrimps to all clients?

Whores have clients, we have guests.

Is he completely stupid?

What did you say?

Easy, easy, easy, stop it, enough. Come with me.

It's better to have good relations with the kitchen team.

I don't ask this for myself.

What is important is to keep our guests satisfied.

Your tables are in the third line from 33 to 36.

What's your name?

My name is Igor Aleksandrovich.

Igor, can I call you that?

Help me get extra tips, say, about 5 thousand.

It's easy for you to do, right?

You want me to sell my soul to the devil?

You have to sell something at least.

I understand everything: your salary is small and...

your shoes must be 2 years old, right?

Come on, tell me how much you want.

You know, I'm a modest man, so I'll enjoy your humiliation for free.

Here you are. You may begin.

THIS EVENING IS ALREADY LOST.

Hey, baby, give me your number.

Fuck you.

She liked me.

Look, with such sad faces we definitely won't pick up anybody.

I don't want to pick up anybody.

How about some beer?

Dude, today is Friday. The whole city is living it up.

Can we sit quietly somewhere?

Just come with me.

You're my guest and I know what you need.

Where?

You just need to restore your emotional desktop

in the company of great girls.

- "FAIRY-TALE" EVENING. - SHIT, MY SHOES ARE PINCHING.

- THAT FOOL PUT ON HER LOUBOUTIN SHOES. - WHERE IS VITALIY?

IT'S TIME TO GET TANKED.

Look, shall we go already?

Where are you going? We have 4 hours left. We'll sit and wait for the boss.

Guys, I said, "We'll sit and wait for the boss."

OK, everybody's here at last. Do keep sitting! Let's do it quickly.

The first toast: Despite the crisis our tourist agency is unsinkable. Why?

Because we have, er, a close-knit, er, and united team.

In short, to me, to the team, to you!

Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!

Why so long?

Traffic jams all over the city.

Are you inside?

Inside of what?

Inside the club?

I'm here outside and the entrance is rather expensive.

Would someone get me in?

Oh, we're not here. I mean not there. You know, we left there.

There had been some problems with the table.

Now we're sitting at "Bochka" on Tulskaya street.

What's the address there?

Why address? We're going to leave there too. It's very dull here.

And what are your options?

Mine?

Well, I can't say immediately.

When you come up with something, call us. We'll immediately come to you. Bye.

Today is our club's birthday. Wish us something on camera!

NOTARY OFFICE PERSONNEL

Oooh! Super! Great! Cool!

Have you chosen?

Yes, I'll have... I'll have... I'll have...

I'll have a salad with goat Camembert and fresh cherry tomatoes.

- Great. - Wait.

How many calories does this salad have?

Calories?

500.

500. More than in chocolate?

Then 120.

70. 30.

- Don't you know? - I'm a waiter, not a nutritionist.

- Man, are you making fun? - No.

It's not wise to make fun of such obvious anorexia!

I don't understand. Have we offended you?

No, no. You are great clients.

Whores have clients.

Guests. Yes.

You are great guests. I'll explain everything to you.

- Hey, it's my armchair. - Go and dance. It's healthier for you.

What?!

I'm not a waiter, I'm a businessman.

I've made a bet with this club's owner that

I'll make 10 thousand rubles in tips as a waiter.

Let's make a deal. At the end of the evening I'll give you a thousand dollars

and you'll leave me 5 thousand rubles as tips.

Interested?

He isn't a businessman! He wears Pablo Visconti shoes. Low end.

I'm the owner of this brand. I always wear my brand!

And I use fragrance No. 5, which makes me Coco Chanel.

Good evening. I'm very sorry to disturb you. Is everything OK?

No, not really. This man took my chair and was rude to me.

- Nobody took your chair! - Yes, you did!

I don't need your frigging chair.

He can't say how many calories chocolate has.

Do you think he'll chicken out?

With his arrogance - within an hour at most.

Kostya.

Why are you sitting like an outsider? You are my guest today instead of Mike.

Come on, order anything you want.

I feel awkward. I'm just kind of a waiter.

We are all children of the same universe.

Come on.

So, what do we have?

So, what do you think?

Noisy, many people.

Just what we need!

Babies, you're looking for us, aren't you?

Definitely not.

They must be lesbians.

I've made it clear that our guests should be satisfied.

Timofei, you take table 31.

I've told you I'll settle everything.

You'd better focus on table 36. An outsider is trying to get it.

That one? Who is a bit skinny?

Yeah, that one, with an epic fail on his face.

And one more thing, er,...

Get up, buddy. This table is reserved.

Wait, some colleagues of mine are coming. There will be many people

and I'm ready to pre-order something for, say, 6 thousand.

6 thousand?

Not enough. 30 will do.

What?

Look, I've worked in clubs for 2 years. There are no such prices.

Then I'm sure you with your colleagues will have a wonderful time

at the cafe around the corner.

OK, I agree.

Thirty is OK.

But my table should be your priority.

5 thousand as guaranteed tips.

Am I in Courchevel?

You're in Moscow.

OK, bring me the menu. Are you a real waiter?

No.

I'm here.

It's really great that there are such places

where people can talk personally,

looking eye to eye without all this virtual communication, SMS's, reposts,

likes and so on. By the way, what Wi-Fi do you have here?

QWERTY777.

Oh, Maks, hi!

Guys, you know, the birthday boy has come!

Happy birthday!

How is it going, Ulmas?

Carefully, now next one.

Carefully, steadily, evenly.

Come on, go on.

Come on, come on.

- Where are you going? - To breathe the fresh air.

I, meanwhile, was trying to reach another fresh air enthusiast

who should have come back a long time ago.

OK, let's drink the last one and then I'll go.

Great idea.

Guys, I've promised you.

Come on, I'm going to show you something unbelievable. Come on.

OK, show it.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me show you...

- Escaped. - Who escaped?

The kangaroo escaped.

I forgot to lock it.

Why assume the worst? Maybe it's somewhere around here.

I'm sure it's in the forest!

I sold it to the Circus on Tsvetnoy Boulevard.

I'm finished now. They wanted to collect it tomorrow.

Look, well, it'll take a walk, get hungry and come back.

Where? In the forest? It'll be eaten or injured.

By whom? Squirrels?

Anybody! Poachers, wild boars, bards.

We should find it.

Lyosh, I would help you, really. But I have to go.

Yeah, of course, I understand.

Don't be offended.

Go.

Go, go. I'll stay. I'll help you.

We're friends.

It doesn't matter if I'm flying to the south at 7 a.m. tomorrow.

I'll stay.

Frigging moron.

It's OK.

Jerk.

Tell me, do you have white wine? Only not a sweet one,

not a Chilean one, and not from South Africa. But actually, no.

Kir Royal if the liquor is not currant but the strawberry one.

And Brut champagne, but not from France.

What?

Why so little?

OK. OK.

Asshole.

Only without eggs please, but with more bacon.

And if the eggs are quail's ones, no bacon at all.

And lemon juice instead of balsamic vinegar.

And tea.

What's this?

Decor.

Thank you.

Hold this.

Thank you.

- Is everything OK, girls? - Yes.

OK.

Call the manager... Kostya.

So, what do you do, guys?

We are climbers.

Well, you know, the guys who hang on ropes in the mountains.

In short, we get adrenaline surges and fractures.

I mean I get adrenaline surges and Valya...

A few years ago I got my knee injured.

- It was hit with a tyre lever. - Tyre lever? In the mountains?

Ice-axe. He always confuses names, you know. Just like a baby.

MOM, WHERE ARE YOU?

Guys, I've to go.

Seriously. I have to.

Why did you talk about your tyre lever?

But it's OK to talk about fractures, right?

What's wrong with that? It's just for fun.

I'm sorry, but I just don't understand your fun.

OK, let's have a look around here.

OK, Google, how do I catch a kangaroo?

OK, stop it. I've told you they go towards the light.

We'll let it come closer and then shoot it with a sleeping dart

and everything will be OK.

What makes you think it went that way?

Nothing. We just need to go somewhere.

Look, we're acting in a haphazard manner.

To catch a kangaroo, we should think like a kangaroo,

understand its fears, goals.

Be quiet, would ya?

Is it trained?

Does it have a name?

Call it.

Alyosha!

Sofia!

We'll go that way.

After about this phrase on Friday all the unpredictable happens.

Shit!

I'M IN THE CLUB!!! ORDERED A BIG TABLE. COME HERE, EVERYBODY!!!

- Shit. - Shit.

Hi, some tequila?

- Yes! - No!

Yes! But not for us.

Just under us a young man is sitting in a light blue shirt.

- That one? Who is a bit skinny? - Yeah.

Serve him 3, no, serve him 5 shots of tequila.

And tell him it's on the house.

- 5 shots for one guy? - 7!

You're the real animals.

He'll get tanked and won't remember how we turned up here.

Are you sure it's for free?

I'll pay for every shot.

Is it OK? You took 4 tables from me.

These words sound negative. I just relieved you of them.

How do I earn 10 thousand from two tables?

Think positively. You already have 3 thousand.

Girls, intro in 10 minutes.

Look! Give me back at least one table. You do see: half the guests are idiots.

It's not ethical to give tables back. The guests are right.

You just do not know how to be courteous. This work is not for you.

And, apparently, it's just right for you, butler.

And I can feel a compliment here.

Compliment? I do hate you!

Try to hate fascism. It's much more promising now.

Let's make a deal. What do you want?

The manager will come in 5 minutes. Make a deal with him.

He would come if you had balls.

Screw all of you with your bet!

Hush!

Why hush? Let's go!

Go, go.

No, foreign number plates are stolen the most.

Replacing them is a pain in the ass.

Aratorn had his Belarusian number plates stolen 4 times.

Hello.

Good evening.

What's so funny?

Nothing, it's OK guys, don't get offended. The ears are kinda cool.

Everybody has their own Friday.

We're on a camping trip here. What about you?

We, er...

Have you seen a kangaroo?

Kangaroo?

Shit, wow, it went that way.

You know, I thought I'd just imagined that.

- Pour. - Valar Morghulis.

What?

Winter is coming.

- Yes, come, of course. - Enough, we've had enough fun.

- Oh, I want to order... - Shut your mouth.

Mike, you're just in time.

This is what I've thought. Do you mind

if I give your car to Kostya, in case you lose?

What do you think?

With all due respect, Andreas, I'll win.

Would you like to order something, Konstantin?

I think more champagne for everybody, for me Armagnac and the Chef's special:

sturgeon baked with pomegranate sauce and bananas.

I've served it so many times but never tasted it.

I think the chef will be very happy.

Where did you learn to dance like that?

OK, memorize carefully.

One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.

OK, you've already done a popular movement in techno style.

I think a tattoo, it's like petting for the ego. But your tattoo is really cool.

And your nose is beautiful too.

A weird compliment.

Why weird? She doesn't have a schnoz, but a beautiful nose.

Seriously. If you want to say something nice to somebody

you talk about everything except the nose.

But how is it possible not to mention it when it is right in the centre.

Sounds like an anatomical chauvinism.

Oh, our favorite.

Girls, you'll come back, right?

Yes.

Are you doing it on purpose?

What am I doing?

Everyone is expecting something from Friday.

Someone is expecting tips,

someone is expecting help from the Ministry for Emergency Situations.

Someone is expecting candor,

someone is expecting his colleagues.

Someone is simply expecting...

I'm personally not expecting anything from this Friday already.

But it's not important. For everybody else Friday is continuing.

SO, ARE YOU COMING HERE?

What pretext should we use now?

Look, say it's because of Ravilyevich.

There is no stability.

Yesterday I went to the supermarket

to buy some things for a borscht.

I mean I took milk, shrimps. But the main thing is:

I paid for the cart with a coin,

turned away and when I looked back, it had gone.

What's the country coming to?

To the abyss. In the shopping cart you paid for, by the way.

So ask someone else.

Hello, Vera Borisovna. It's the MES.

Maybe it's overloaded?

Miss, do you hear me? We are stuck in the elevator!

Call the MES immediately!

Are you kidding me?

Look! I've come up with something interesting! You'll like it for sure!

In short, one is blond, the other is fleshy.

Look, give me the keys. I'm going to sleep.

What do you mean!? Everything has only begun.

For me everything has finished. Understand?

Hi, how is it going?

I'm not ready for tequila yet, hottie.

Why not? I'll pay for the first shot.

Valya, let me taste the swill she's offering, and then we'll see. OK?

Your name is Valya?

Valya. Why?

Funny.

Funny? What's so funny?

Well, you're a typical wrestler and your name is...

What?

Tender.

What makes you think I'm a wrestler?

Yeah! We are glassblowers from Saint Petersburg.

And we don't have anything to do with wrestling.

You don't have anything to do with wrestling and Petersburg.

And your friend is a typical wrestler.

- How did you know? - I'm a wrestler too.

- You? - Yes.

- Are you good? - I'm very good.

- I'll definitely beat you. - Me?

- Yeah, sure. - You won't.

Why?

Because I won't go out on the mat against a woman.

- Why not? - Because you're the weaker sex.

How can you wrestle?

Of course there are some exceptions: wrestling in the mud, for example.

Hush!

I don't understand. What do you think we women should do?

Cook a borscht, bring up children, walk with a baby carriage.

Valenka, you know what I want to tell you?

You are scared shitless.

Think about it.

I'm Valentin!

You outdid her. You were super great!

Where are your fleshy blonds?

Come on. One of them is a bit unusual but anyway.

RAVILYEVICH DOESN'T WANT TO COME. I'LL TRY TO TALK HIM INTO COMING.

Now he's calling Ravilyevich.

Hello? Vadim Ravilyevich?

- Yeah. - Good evening.

It's Vitaliy Belov speaking.

Yeah, yeah.

Would you like to come to the club? I've ordered a table,

it's big enough for everybody.

Really?

Yes, the music is good, the atmosphere is great. Will you come?

Mm, yeah.

Thank you, Vadim Ravilyevich. I'll be waiting.

Couldn't you have said no one time?

Take it! Talk to him yourself next time.

Yes, I'm a producer, but we have no industry.

There is no linking thread, we don't have good producers.

I don't even know why the government gives directors money for films.

It's a very strange choice in terms of who it supports.

I can't understand how everything happens.

It would be better if it give out money to the poor.

From Butovo, for example.

Why are you laughing?

Your socks don't match each other.

Right. I haven't even noticed.

I was getting dressed in the darkness.

An outsider will think it's just a conversation,

but for Timir it looks completely different.

You have a very pretty smile.

And you have pretty shoes.

Of course they are. I'm not a dishwasher from Muruntau.

With such shoes I'll get you for sure.

Look, the main thing now is not to make mistakes.

IRINA FINANCIAL ANALYST

The key rate is being reduced or is even frozen.

And ruble volatility depends on the oil barrel price.

The business is losing ground. My advice is: marry a jeweller.

It's the right thing to do.

What are you doing here?

Crisis, right?

No, I'm here temporarily.

Right, everybody is here temporarily. Historians, philologists, physicists.

The years go by and we still keep serving expresso.

OK, don't sit for too long. People are celebrating this frigging Friday.

Let's exchange our shoes.

What?

Exchange our shoes.

You want to exchange?

You'll feel more comfortable in these.

You think so?

Are they OK?

OK.

But only till 3 o'clock.

I hope they don't have a fungus.

Do you wash your feet at least once a day?

Could you please stop snapping your fingers?

Thank you.

Go on the stage, come on!

It's OK, relax.

Thank you very much.

Loony.

WHERE IS MAKSIM?

Look under your feet, moron.

Hush! Hush. Don't scare it off.

Oh, it's really a kangaroo.

Did you think I'm an idiot?

- Idiot, shit. - What did you say?

Why didn't you put it on silent ring?

Shut your mouth, jerk.

He's sleeping.

It's just great!

Hi!

I'm happy to welcome you in our club.

Today...

Today...

Excuse me, but could you please knock on your glass less loudly?

Yes, I could if someone would come to us today.

Gen, don't knock, please. Someone will come.

But we've been waiting for 10 minutes already.

Not 10, but 3.

Today our club turned 4 years.

Good evening, excuse me, your waiter will come in a few minutes.

And, meanwhile, what can I do for you?

You can call our waiter. Do it, please.

Pay no attention to him. He's always like this.

Lenochka, you wanted to go to the ladies' room. Please go.

Darling, thank you for so much caring of my biorhythms.

Only not for 2 hours as usual.

Not 2 hours, but 5 minutes. It's a big difference, Gena.

Thank you very much for sharing this joy with us.

Special thanks to our impatient guest.

So our club turned 4 years today.

Go to table 33. There are some problems there already.

Today there will be a huge amount of prizes.

And of course we'll hold our traditional lottery. And the table that will win

will be served on the house. Thank you. Have a good time.

Good evening. My names is Mikh... Konstantin and today I'll be your...

Mikhail Valerievich.

You've always been able to shock, but today you've surpassed yourself.

Have your sales dropped so greatly after my dismissal?

My sales haven't dropped at all.

Who is your corporative psychologist now?

I got rid of that position.

Ah, yeah, right.

We are all, as you expressively put it...

fucking charlatans.

Yes, exactly. I'm not offended though.

Of course not.

It was such a boost for my career, although you had me thrown out.

But look, what are you doing here?

If I tell you, can we continue?

Of course. Have a seat.

I've made a bet.

Oh, yeah, of course, you're an inveterate player.

Is it a big bet? Maybe I can help you?

If you make an order and have a good time. I'll help you do it.

And how can I express my gratitude?

Big order and big tips, of course.

I'm pretty sure we both will be very happy.

Hi. How is it going?

Let's go somewhere together.

What?

- Let's go to the cinema. - Let's do what?

What are you doing here? Where should you be?

- I'll go very soon. - Not very soon, but immediately!

Don't shout at me.

Look, if you don't go there immediately, I'll pull out your rotten heart.

This is my woman, this is my kitchen. If you don't like it, get out!

Take your hands off me!

What? What did you say? Don't let me see you again here! Understand?

Good evening.

Lena, meet my old friend, please. This is Mikhail.

He happened to be our waiter today. Can you imagine?

- Nice to meet you. Lena. - Hello.

So we'd like 2 glasses of Chateau Gloria St.-Julien to begin with.

I'm sorry, this wine is only served in bottles.

We'll take a bottle.

By saying to begin with, Lena, I meant we'd start with this wine.

Can't our waiter do us a favor to make us grateful?

- Look. - OK.

Look, there are the rules, right. I didn't make them.

There are wines that can be only served in bottles.

- We'll take a different wine. - Wait a second!

Don't you, Mikhail Valerievich, really know how these rules are broken?

Do something at least. 2 glasses. Do try.

I'll do the best I can.

Bravo! I knew you'd say that!

Gena, I hope you're not going to ruin my evening.

I'm a wrestler,

I stuck up for my friend.

I brought down 2 of them,

and the third one hit me with a tyre lever on my legs.

And there were 2 weeks left before the Russian Championship.

2 weeks before the Russian Championship.

But I had to stick up for my friend. I had to.

- Let's go, come on. - Although my friend was...

What happened there?

The commander is having a claustrophobic attack.

I can't breathe. I'm gasping.

Breathe!

You have a nice nook here.

Does it help?

As you can see, it didn't save me from a failure on the stage.

Did you hear them laughing at me?

You're lucky that they didn't throw anything at you.

Tell me why you are going through all this?

I think I don't like to lose.

Too bad. A couple of failures would have made your face more expressive.

And why did you have to break all these plates?

Isn't it easier to talk to somebody?

There are a lot of people to talk to, but no one to share silence with.

You're quoting too much.

Of course. I'm a former actor.

Why former?

You'll be laughing.

Maybe this is what I need now.

One day we performed Richard III at the Chekhov Festival.

Sergei Viktorovich Dubravin was reading Richard's monologue.

I shall despair. There is no creature loves me;

And if I die...

He is brilliant.

I admire his acting.

And suddenly there is an unpleasant sound coming from the hall as if someone

is opening a pack of chips.

Dubravin froze.

It was unthinkable. At such moment.

But Dubravin was waiting.

Find in myself no pity to myself?

Methought the souls of all that I had murdered...

And then there is that unpleasant sound again.

Dubravin became silent again.

Jesus, he forgot the text.

And then I couldn't contain myself.

Listen! Listen! What are you doing? How can you do that? I can't understand.

Can't you be patient for a while at least?

This great man is trying to do his best.

He's expressing a complex set of emotions and you don't care!

Are you laughing? Go to a movie theater to laugh there with your food.

You chose the wrong place to have fun!

What about Dubravin?

He came to me and said silently, "Thank you of course but screw you!"

And the man who was making noise in the hall was Oleg Pavlovich Tabakov.

He was opening a pack of cough-drops.

Did they fire you?

They forced me to leave with a friendly pat.

You wanted to ask me something, right?

There is one guy at table 3. He's difficult.

He asked for 2 glasses of wine that is served in bottles only.

Oh, that impolite man.

I fired that loony a few years ago.

Why are you so unlucky today?

Maybe you should throw some plates first?

Hello? Stas, hi.

So, are you coming?

Look, we have some problems here.

They stopped accepting cards.

The terminal went down. They say it'll be fixed in 5 minutes.

Hurry up!

There is a lottery here! If our table wins, we'll get a free dinner,

I'm sure.

Look, there is some problem with the cards here. The terminal went down,

so I'll have to be here for a while. Yes, sorry.

Look, we have some problems here. The terminal went down.

They stopped accepting cards. So I'll have to be here for a while.

And Vitaliy finally realized that they had ditched him, shaken him off.

Is there something to sober me up.

Are you OK?

You should drink it. Understand?

Come on, come on!

Come on, get up.

Come on, come on.

You should throw up.

Be careful! It helps.

Come on, sit.

Are you OK?

I'm sorry, but there will be no tips.

No tips? I haven't understood.

My friends haven't come. I can't even pay the bill. All I have is 6 thousand.

Is that all?

Fuck!

Be careful.

You're setting me up, you know.

I'm sorry.

Let's go.

Take it.

We'll come up with something.

Wow, I want such a waiter too.

But the coolest nickname was the one of my kitesurfing coach:

Grisha the Sinusoid.

Is he a mathematician?

It's because he sometimes had money and sometimes had debts.

You're a feminist, right?

Wow, you know such smart words.

Isn't it hard for you to know so many things?

Tell me, do all feminists shake their butts in panties before men?

Think about it.

I'm in my shorts.

You are, you are.

At some moment I thought that Bondar was an interesting interlocutor.

But when he, for his own benefit, began to ask to help some guy,

I immediately...

I thought we'd learned to understand each other.

We did, but I have principles.

What principles?

Fairness, for example. Have you heard of it?

The guy was tricked by his friends. He's nothing to pay the bill.

But it's no pretext to rig the lottery. You want exactly this from me, right?

Then some guys with such big wallets will win. Is it far?

And you won't get your tips, right?

But can you help me?

We broke plates together.

I'm sorry.

The import replacement does bring results.

The Russian mould is steadily gaining points.

- Taste it. - No. Thanks.

You're too modest.

- Are you satisfied with everything? - Yes, more than that.

- Would you like to order something else? - I don't know.

A song perhaps.

Gen, don't get impudent, OK?

God forbid.

By the way, while we're still at it,

Mikhail Valerievich sings beautifully, right?

You're exaggerating.

If you asked him under different circumstances he would amaze you.

Under different circumstances, Gen, I'd appreciate it, but not now, OK?

So would you like to order anything else?

- Yes. - A little later.

Too bad. Look, where are the conveniences here?

I'll show you.

- Please do. - Please.

What do you want?

Take off your hands!

Look, as I understand, we've a gentleman's agreement

We are happy and you get your tips, right?

Are you unhappy with anything?

I'm completely happy!

And my wife is very intrigued with your vocal.

What? I'm saying it's too bad that there won't be a suitable opportunity.

Except for your funeral perhaps.

Think about what you're going to have for dessert.

What if we make a bet?

Mikhail Valerievich.

Look... how much do you need in tips? Are 3 thousand enough?

You sing beautifully. It'll be the easiest bet in your life.

Talk to your main flunkey.

It'll be great if you sing.

You want to make a bet?

I'm thinking why you turned out to be such a bastard.

Look who's talking. Textbook on morality.

You think Lena did not know about your twins, a ginger girl and strip clubs?

It is you who told her about that, right?

You fool!

Hush. Hush. Hush.

Did you hear? Who is it?

On another mission? What does it mean?

I have a baby in the apartment crying and 2 men in the elevator.

Do you at least understand who're talking to?

I'll submit such a complaint about you that...

Children?

Er, er...

I think children, it's a good experience.

It will add 150 immediately to your karma. Yes.

In short, according to the theory of lamp oil, time shrinks constantly.

And before it turns into a chicken's butt I suggest that you girls go to my place.

I was asked to give you that.

- For Valusha. - What?

Look, man, it must be a mistake. There is no Valusha here. Right, Robert?

- Who asked you to do it? - Incognito.

Can I have a word with you?

Wait! What does it mean "I won't go anywhere."

- I've been persuading them for an hour! - I'll stay here for a while.

What happened to you? You also wanted to go home.

I said I'll stay here.

It's because of that tequila girl, right?

Are you completely insane?

That chick is nuts. Do you know who you are after that?

You're selfish.

I am selfish?

Everything around you is for you: club, chicks, booze, celebration.

You're betraying your friend for some ugly chick!

Friend!

What friend, Gosha? Wake up! You keep me just for company!

We don't even have common themes!

You don't have common themes! There's only wrestling in your head.

And you know it's painful for me to discuss.

It's painful for you to discuss?!

You ran away when I was beaten with a tyre lever!

Painful to discuss! It's because of you I didn't go to the Russian Championship!

Why are you averting your eyes?

Wake up!

Yes, I was scared shitless then.

I was scared shitless!

Your friend is like this. Can you imagine?

And if I had been lying next to you, would it have been easier for you?

Gosh.

Hi.

Let's exchange them back.

- What? - Exchange them back.

Ah, gumshoes.

Look, they are comfortable. Keep my shoes.

It's a gift.

Just a moment.

Uzbek? Tashkent? Melon?

I'm giving you my shoes.

It's funny but Timir, for the first time in a long while,

saw a kindred spirit in the soulless operating system.

Thank you.

Can you give it to me?

What? Give you my phone as well?

For 5 minutes. I'll give it back.

Man, don't get impudent. I won't give you my phone.

Be grateful for the shoes.

Pablo Visconti. Bye.

Karamyshevskaya embankment, 16.

Karamyshevskaya embankment, 16.

Karamyshevskaya embankment, 16.

Hi. I was looking for you. Come with me. I need you so much.

Just like this?

Please come with me. I need help so much.

I'm sorry.

Hush, hush, come on, come on, hush hush!

- Get up. - No. I injured my knee.

Come on!

- Shit. - Oh damn!

- Tell me where and when? - What do you mean?

- I mean that! - Valush, I'm at work.

Tell me.

Are you crazy?

My baby is alone in the apartment.

We need to open the window from the roof. You're a climber.

NO, I'M A CHICKENSHIT.

No?

Look, maybe we should call someone?

With painful and submission holds?

I'll do without.

Good evening, dear friends! My name is Ivan Chuikov

Next to me is stunning Vera and let the long-awaited lottery begin.

At one of these tables there are future winners. And just seconds separate them

from their mercantile happiness that is the bill on the house!

Lucien, I hope you used your magic?

Yep. You know yourself all I created with magic is in the tax office already.

Andrusha, don't cry, please. Mom will come soon!

Why are you standing? Get out of here!

Gosha, come to us!

PARTY OF CHICKENSHITS OF RUSSIA

Let's go.

And now to learn the name of the winner I invite to the stage

Igor Strizhevskiy, the manager of the club.

Hello. Tell me, are you nervous?

Well, I wouldn't say I am. Well, I hope the winner would be

a lonely abstainer who doesn't eat after 6.

There is a chance. A slight one but there is.

What are you talking about, what chance?

OK, Verochka, don't make us wait any longer.

So the winner of the lottery is table

I'm sorry to distract you, but is it strong enough?

Yes. I'm holding it.

Set your feet against the wall.

The winner is table 36.

You've won.

Why are you sitting? Come on.

Here are your tips. Thank you.

I told you.

Table 36, congratulations.

And I invite a representative of your table to the stage

to get the deserved prize.

Look, this is our Vitaliy.

Hello, have a seat.

Lucien, we need to join our tables to have one bill.

You mean we're going to save money?

The show has begun.

So introduce yourself. What is your name and where do you work?

Hello, my name is Vitaliy Belov. I work in a tourist agency.

Great. Have you come alone or with your friends?

Well, today our firm is having a corporate party, so, yes, I'm alone.

Come on, pull!

Andrusha, Andrusha, mom will come very soon.

Can't you pull yourself up at least by 1 meter?

So the corporate party is taking place somewhere and you're here alone.

So your boss uses the principle, "Divide and celebrate."

No, I think our boss uses the principle, "There can't be too much cologne."

The smell of the boss always comes first.

And his nickname is the Smell.

This is creative. Did you give it to him?

No, it's our accountant who gives nicknames to everybody.

And in our boss's phone we all are listed this way.

What way?

Yegor the Sweaty Hands, Stas the Booze Breath.

Ksyusha the Shtirlitz.

The boss often asks her to stay after work.

And Chicholina, it's our Sonya.

Chicholina. I'm shy to ask why.

Well, something happened.

Continue. You've already begun. We are interested. Come on.

Well, our chief manager, Yegor, for example,

didn't tell me anything about the corporate party, but he did tell me

that there were something between him and Sonya on March 8.

So the senior manager is a gossip.

No, he's a good guy, but he likes to bet.

There was a bet between him and Stas

as to who would be the first to go to bed with her.

Yegor won, Stas lost and he had to write "the Smell" on boss's car.

But he hadn't a white marker pen and used a tiny nail instead.

Some put bets on Stas, some on Yegor. Ksyusha even won 12 thousand then.

Wow! 12 thousand.

She and Sonya are, so to speak, the best friends. Of course Ksyusha knows that

Sonya likes Yegor more.

Well, your company is really bizarre.

Our company is a good one.

Some things happen everywhere and in our company too.

For these 6 months I got somewhat attached to them,

but didn't get the same in return.

But it's OK. It doesn't matter.

Well, let your colleagues to have fun at the corporate party without you.

But they even can't imagine how lucky you are today.

Vitaliy, smile! A good evening is going on. You are the winner!

We congratulate you and present you your prize. Order whatever you wish for free!

Today is your evening!

Congratulations! Here is our winner! Here he is!

Call somebody!

I can't hold it anymore!

Wait! Give me your phone number!

OK, one more time. When I count to 3, pull quickly but not strongly.

- I've understood. - Pull to yourself and upward.

- I've understood. - OK. One, two, three.

What?

- Put! - Put what?

Put the leg!

I'm completely fed up with both of you!

This frigging Kuklachyov! This... and who are you in the first place?

One, two, three, three, two, one, can you hear?

Yes, yes. OK.

OK.

Usually we don't do that, but, as an exception,

next song will be especially for Yelena.

She, as no one else, knows how hard it is to be with Gennady Antonov.

Is it hard for you to be with me?

I don't know what he's talking about.

Thank you.

While my new waiter was having a good time on stage,

I was thinking about the word "butler" and came to a conclusion that a person

using this insult deserves to be beaten.

I wish I had courage.

OK, what is going on in the hall?

Thank you. You really sing brilliantly.

- Thank you. - You've chosen the wrong profession.

Wait a moment! Where is my money?

You didn't leave tips? I'll give them.

Did I forget to leave them? Wait, I'll do it, you can go, Lenochka.

Thank you, good bye.

Good bye.

The ability to lose, Mikhail Valerievich,

is what you need now more than money.

- Call me! - Bastard, where is my money?

What's the matter? What are you doing?

I'm sorry, what happened?

Your waiter is getting insolent, wants some tips.

- This is the money I earned! - Gena, do give him tips!

I don't owe anybody anything. Lena, please step aside.

He's right. He doesn't have to give tips.

It is the prerogative of decent people, right?

Oh, what a great performance by a wimp butler with a badge.

Being a butler isn't the worst role unlike a nonentity

who asserts himself by being disrespectful to waiters.

You shouldn't visit clubs, you should go to a psychotherapist, a good one.

And not to a fucking charlatan from Youtube with 20 views.

Gena!

Did you understand?

- You're finished! You're finished! - The exit is there.

Thanks for coming.

I'll get you into jail! Your club will be closed! I'll screw you!

- Gena! - Are you OK?

You should have acted immediately!

Thank you.

He is a small guy, but a disgusting one.

Really.

Continue to have fun.

Thank you for helping me to lose the bet.

Call me! I'm an expert in failures.

Jesus! I was short of just 800 rubles!

You're always short of something small, that's the point.

Here are your tips, thank you, and just imagine how I feel.

OK, my husband was right in beating you, by the way.

It's been a pleasure.

The pleasure is mine.

Andreas.

Andreas, I want to drink to you.

You are a difficult man, but a good one. To you, dear.

Voila!

Don't get distracted. See you next time.

It's time to work.

Mike, wait!

- Have you left a percentage for the bar? - What percentage?

Waiters leave a percent from their tips for the bar.

- 10%. - That is a thousand.

The condition was: I should earn 10 thousand. 10 thousand.

The condition was: you should take home 10 thousand.

I- t's 9 here without a percentage. - Nobody told me about percentages.

There are instructions for the waiters in the locker room.

Shut your mouth!

No, I don't care, I won.

You won. Almost.

Look, Mike. Let's settle it this way: nobody owes nobody nothing.

Kostya, pour.

We've enjoyed it. I hope you too. Let's raise our glasses and drink

To your "almost win".

Almost win.

You know guys, for you everything is almost.

Almost a birthday, almost an artist,

almost a friend, almost fun!

You know what... Go and almost screw yourselves!

For the first time in his life Bondar lost with an easy heart

because he achieved his main victory 5 minutes earlier on the stage.

Andrusha. Andrusha, mom is near. Andrusha, sonny.

Don't groan! 100 meters to the boat station left.

I know.

- Can you excuse me for a moment? - Yes, Sonechka, sure.

You bastard! This is for that bet! How did you dare!?

Now listen to me, you frigging artist! I'll tear off your arms!

That wasn't my idea. That's him.

What are you doing here? That's my phone!

Police will find out who wanted what!

Is anybody there!?

Don't shout! Ulmas is with me.

I'll let you out, if you translate what I'll tell her.

How about a draw?

I agree.

Maybe one more time?

No thanks. You've tired me out completely.

Ulmas, how is the cake?

Ready.

What should I translate? Speak, hurry up!

Ulmas, do you like me or Akhmat?

What?

Translate!

Are you stupid? Why should she choose?

Do translate!

Ulmas this stupid is jealous of you and me.

Do you like him at least a little? He wants to invite you somewhere.

Why is she laughing? What did you tell her?

That you want to invite her somewhere and she said she'll think about it.

Really?

Can she think faster?

Can you think faster? Yes, no? I don't want to sit here till the morning.

Yes.

Hi.

Oh, Varya, hi. Have you been here for long?

I've just come.

What about the guys?

They were very sorry. Sonya felt bad and everybody went home.

Too bad.

You know I wouldn't say that.

I won the dinner.

Wow!

Yes. help herself.

What is your mask, sir? Slumbering killer?

Why do you address me as "sir"?

Why not? We've know each other for quite enough time?

What are you going to do next?

Think how to save the company from bankruptcy.

As an option: cut the staff by about 40%.

Well, it's creative and in the spirit of time.

Have you tried to make gumshoes?

- Gumshoes? - Yes, they suit you, by the way.

The Pablo Visconti gumshoes. Total shit.

But I like it.

Friends! This nice man on the third floor is our birthday man today.

The legendary owner of this club. Andreas!

Peace be with you. Thank you for celebrating with us. This is super.

Taste our festive dessert: cake from the chef. I promise it's delicious.

In short, good Friday to everybody!

Look, would you like to work with me?

As a bounder I suppose.

We'll discuss.

Well, good salary, social package, vacation in Crimea.

Oh, Crimea is yours.

Here in the water, I lost a knife that you gave me back in '99.

That evening when...

I introduced you to Lena.

Well, yes... God gave, God took.

Yes, she's married now to a nervous psychologist.

She always liked freaks. I don't mean you.

Men!

Men!

Men!

Oh!

Valar Morghulis!

Girls! Where are you going?

Screw you! Moron!

You've broken my nose, bastard!

What movies do you like?

I like movies in which characters are neither good nor bad.

And if they have a goal

they try to achieve it despite all difficulties and dangers.

Any. The main thing is to watch them with you.

Really?

Are you sure she said that?

Yes. Yes. Is that all?

May I accompany you to your house today?

Ulmas, he wants to accompany you as far as Ivanteevka. Accept it!

I wish national filmmakers not to lose hope.

Make more movies! Make more!

In any genres. And it doesn't matter if they'll be bad or primitive.

The main thing is to make more. Make any movies. Because sooner or later

quantity will turn into quality. Maybe. Perhaps. Theoretically. Probably.

And I won't lose my job.