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[♪ "Shakedown Street" playing]

I played this song in the car this morning.

- [Nikki laughs] - [Sonya scatting]

[all cheer]

- Surprise! - Hi. What...

What is this? What... What's happening? What--

My metastatic cancer is one year old today!

- Oh. - [Sonya laughs]

[Nikki cheers]

Dr. P, do you want some cake?

No, thank you. Oh, Funfetti.

- But no. I... You... Actually, I will... - Hmm?

I will take one of those party hats.

Nothing would make me happier.

Aw. The thing is, I actually... I actually have a one year old.

You know, she quacks at ducks.

[Molly] Cute.

So, anyway, I wanted to, um...

I just wanted to check in and, uh, tell you that the scan showed no new spreads. So...

- [cheering] - Holding... Holding steady.

No, but I wanna keep an eye on the nausea,

- right? - Okay.

Cannabis therapy seems to be working.

And Sonya tells me that

you are the most popular member of the stage four, uh, support group.

- So... Yes, so... - Stage four. Stage four.

- Yep. Stage four. - Well, good. No, good. Good.

And so, what's everyone doing for Thanksgiving?

- My partners are cooking. - Par...

I didn't know you had a company.

No, no, partners. I'm in a polycule.

I'm in a relationship with two other people.

Well, that's fantastic. Good.

Yeah. More... More hands to stuff the turkey.

[laughs]

- Or... - Naughty. That's nasty.

Yeah, okay.

Well, this has been a... Just the most wonderful party for your--

Love you, Dr. P.

- Thank you. - Oh, well, that's very sweet.

- Well, here. I'm gonna give you this back. - No, no.

Keep it. Keep it, please.

Thank you. Thank you.

[Sonya] Right?

[all laughing]

♪ Nothin' shakin' On Shakedown Street ♪

♪ Used to be The heart of town ♪

[song ends]

[♪ soft pop playing]

Oh, my God.

Is that what I think it... Is that a butt plug?

[gasps]

And its little friend.

Hold on--

- Ta-da. - Aw.

It's a whole butt plug family.

- Yeah. - Baby, mama, papa.

I did not know that you guys were into butt plug stuff.

Yeah, he said he wanted to give it a try.

Special Thanksgiving treat.

Oh, my gosh.

Before the meal, I hope.

[chuckling] If you know what I mean.

Hey, if you guys are gonna do stuff with your butts and butt plugs,

can you just not do it on the couch?

Because that's my home now.

I go where his butt leads. So...

[chuckles]

- Hey, man... - No guarantees.

Happy cancer birthday, baby.

Thanks. You're the greatest woman alive.

I'm sorry I can't eat this beautiful cake.

I can't eat anything good.

[knocks on door]

All righty. Okay, I'm outta here. That's him.

Okay. You okay?

[Nikki] Yeah, I'm good. I love the hallway.

I love the buzz of the fluorescent lights. It really chills me out. [sighs]

Thank you. You have everything you need?

Oh, yeah.

Hey.

She's... Oh. She's in there.

Okay. Uh, what... what are you up to?

What am I up to?

Yeah. I mean, you know, we never get the chance to talk.

So I just thought maybe...

We could talk about what I'm up to.

[chuckles]

Okay, I'm gonna call hospital billing

and yell at them for sending bills that are not real bills

when they actually just want her insurance company to pay.

And then I think that I will try to look for an apartment.

Um, but one that would let me sign a lease without income or money.

And then if my system can take it,

I will get more stoned so that I can forget my broken heart.

Oh, so, you got a pretty full night.

[scoffs] Yeah. Totally.

Okay.

- [door opens] - You make her happy.

Okay, ticktock. She's only got energy for, like, one more hour. So... You go.

[groans]

Tell me about this plant you got me for my cancer birthday, ya piece of shit.

I just panicked and I got you a plant.

Do you like it?

I hate it.

I'm gonna put it in a pot with no drainage.

It's a monstera deliciosa.

Unique foliage, easy to care for.

You know what happens if you keep talking about the plant?

You're gonna need to let it dry out a little bit between watering.

[grunts]

[whimpering]

Did that hurt?

[whimpering] Yeah. Yeah.

- Yeah. - Do you want some cake?

Yes, please.

[panting]

Eat it off my finger.

[Neighbor Guy moaning]

[sighs]

[moaning continues]

- Is that Funfetti? - [Molly] Shut the fuck up.

I'm gonna untie you.

Keep licking.

[high pitched sound begins]

[Molly] Oh, of course you're here. Of course you show up.

No. Not now.

Not now.

Get out.

Get out.

Are you okay?

[high pitched sound ends]

I'm sorry.

I got messed with when I was a little kid,

and I...

I've never had an orgasm with another person.

I'd like to try to come with you.

I'd really like to try that,

if that's something that you would like to try.

Yeah.

Yes.

I'm... I don't know how many times I can say yes without sounding like a creep.

Now go stand against the wall and show me that little pink butt.

In the corner!

I have some good news.

[Nikki] Mm-hmm.

I told him I wanna come with him.

[support group cheers]

Thank you, thank you. So we're gonna try that.

And Sonya's helping me with deep breathing techniques.

So I'm feeling really good.

And I think I'm gonna try and come by Christmas.

- [cheers] - Like a Hallmark movie.

- [Nikki cheers] - [Molly] Molly Comes for Christmas.

♪ She'll be coming 'Round the mountain When she comes ♪

Yeehaw!

- She'll be what? - ♪ ...coming 'round The mountain ♪

- She'll be what? Come on. - ♪ ...coming 'round The mountain ♪

♪ She'll be coming 'Round the mountain When she comes ♪

[moans, chuckles]

Thank you for letting me join this group.

[all chuckle]

[Frenchie] You know what I want for Christmas?

A new fucking wig that doesn't make me look like Bea Arthur.

I know. How about insurance start covering wigs with Black hair texture?

That would make me come.

- [gasps] - [support group laughs]

I think we all need a deep breath in for that one. Come on now.

[all breathe deeply]

- [Sonya] And chill. - [support group sighs]

Listen, you seem pretty cool, but what are you doing here?

Don't you have anything better to do than hang around with a bunch of dying bitches?

- Uh... [chuckles] - Uh...

- Slight burn, but... No, I don't. - Yeah.

I actually don't.

And I think I'm good for the group because I'm generally very sad.

Very, very sad.

Um, because my boyfriend and I broke up. And also--

Fuck him.

Uh, Nikki is an amazing actor.

Not anymore, but... Yeah. I don't know.

At least I don't have cancer, 'cause that seems like it sucks.

[Sonya] All right. We're gonna try something new today.

I want you to get out your notebooks.

We're gonna write something that scares us.

- [Nikki] Yes. - Or draw it.

[Sonya] And I'd like you to keep working on these at home this week, okay?

Let's go.

[♪ somber music playing]

[girl] What are you writing?

[door opens]

What are you doing?

You're being weird. You need me.

[sighs]

[music ends]

Steve took us to this therapist

who said that if I told the story of what happened to me again and again,

then I would get over it.

But I never really wanna talk about it in front of Steve.

So tell me the story.

But you already know it.

Yeah, but I've never really heard it all together.

- I wrote it down. - Mm-hmm.

I can read it to you.

"The summer I turned seven,

I was molested by my mom's new boyfriend.

He was rich.

He had a fancy watch that my mom loved.

He was taking us to Florida.

So the night before the trip, we stayed at his apartment.

We took our suitcases over in the rain.

My mom asked for orange juice.

I was standing in the doorframe between the living room where my mom was,

and the bedroom, where he was stirring powder into her juice with his finger.

I didn't tell her.

A few minutes later, she passed out cold.

Then her boyfriend had me play oral sex games, telling me he loved me. And...

All I wanted to do was leave.

But he'd hid my clothes.

So I threw a brush at him and stormed out of his bedroom.

I wanted to go home.

I went to find my mom. I shook her as hard as I could.

'We have to go,' I said.

She woke up for three seconds and said, 'Go on, I'm sleeping.'

Then I went back to the boyfriend and apologized for hitting him with a brush."

Are you sleeping? Was that so boring?

[sniffling] What? No. I'm crying.

Oh.

Obviously I'm crying.

Yeah, that makes more sense.

[whispering] It's okay.

[sniffs]

[chuckles]

- Did you fart? - Yeah. [laughs]

[Nikki] You farted. [chuckles]

I'm sorry.

It was a stress fart.

[stammers]

I figured you couldn't get mad at me 'cause of what I just told you.

No, obviously I'm just gonna have to deal with it. Yeah.

It's just... I'm just really right here.

[both chuckle]

Do you think I'm cured?

Do you think 'cause I said it out loud that I'm cured?

[♪ somber music continues]

I think that we should call Sonya

and find a therapist.

No, I can do it.

I have you.

Tell me where.

On your leg.

Just with one finger.

On the inside of your thigh.

Say please.

[Neighbor Guy] Please.

Yes.

You can touch my thigh with one finger.

[breathing heavily]

Knee.

[Molly moans]

My leg.

Foot.

Toes.

Palm.

Fingertips.

Chest.

Scar.

[Molly] "I'm afraid the people I love want me to die.

Because it's hard for my family to know..."

I feel so stupid.

I mean, she's reading what I wrote, but I'm dancing?

She's gonna read what you wrote out loud,

and you're just gonna move along with it.

Try to find where the fear lives in your body.

You got this. Okay.

"It's hard for my family to know I'm dying,

but not right away.

Sometimes I feel them pulling away.

I don't blame them.

Fine, I blame them.

[Sonya chuckles]

[Molly] But my wife isn't pulling away.

And I feel guilty.

Like I should start letting her go.

Speaking of letting go,

I just shit my pants. Bye."

[Sonya laughs]

[Nikki] Yes.

Okay, who's next?

Are you pregnant again or is this the same baby?

- Is... No, I know that sounds wrong. - What?

Of course it's not the same baby.

- You've met my daughter. No. This is... - I... Yeah, I know.

This is... I'm pregnant again.

If you're gonna keep having so many babies,

I feel like you should at least change your fuckin' maternity wear,

because it does all look the same.

[laughs]

It seems like a prank.

Okay. You are a mess.

You don't even have a bed. Look at us, please.

We... Look at us right now.

We're right next to the elevator, and we're having Hanukkah in a hallway.

All right. Okay. Seriously.

- You need... I have... - No, get serious.

- Honestly, this is the setting for it. - I have to get serious with you.

Right? I'm in my business attire.

- Let's fuckin' talk. - You need boundaries with her.

Okay? You... I'm serious.

Thanks. I will. I will try to do that. I'll... I'll work in...

I'll work on boundaries with my... my dying best friend.

- Look, I know you love her. I know that. - Look, I got it.

But it...

I just thought you were gonna take her to some doctor's appointments.

- I had no idea you were gonna give up... - What?

...everything else in your life.

Like, you loved Noah.

Yeah, it was never about taking her to fucking doctor's appointments.

- Well... - It was... I was always, like...

How do I explain this to you? Like, this.

This is some of her blood on my shirt. I don't even know when it's from.

I have her blood on, like, half of my shirts at this point.

It's, like, how I look, okay?

And... And when I see this,

what I think is, I'm gonna be happy that it's here.

I'm gonna be happy that this stain is here when I don't have her anymore.

Does she know what you're doing for her?

Hey, you know what? We forgot the most important part.

[clears throat]

Oh, yeah, we did.

[both chuckle]

- Okay. - You ready?

♪ Oh Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah Come light the menorah! ♪

♪ Let's have a party We'll all dance the hora ♪

Can I touch you again?

Here.

[moans]

[sighs] Okay.

[Molly moans]

I love you.

[high pitched sound begins]

Is... Is that weird timing?

[Molly whispering] No.

[grunts]

[muffled] Molly?

- [molly whimpers] - [Neighbor guy, muffled] Molly?

[girl] Go. Go.

[Molly breathing shakily]

[girl] Go.

- [door closes] - [high pitched sound ends]

[Molly panting]

"The first man who told me he loved me was my mother's boyfriend.

He made me say it back to him.

He wanted me to say the words.

I think he knew he was taking away love for me.

He is there every time love is there."

I'm sorry. This isn't gonna work for me.

- I... - It's okay. It's okay.

Just return to the breath.

No. No, I-I don't need to dance about something

that happened 30 years ago. It's not gonna change anything.

Molly. Uh, your leg.

No. I'm not gonna breathe into my leg and send it kind energy.

No. Your leg is... Your... Your leg's all puffed up.

Oh, great. Fucking great.

[Dr. Pankowitz] You have deep vein thrombosis in your leg,

and we don't want those blood clots to move to your lungs, huh?

So you're gonna have to go on some pretty heavy-duty blood thinners

and, um, I'm afraid you're gonna have to spend, uh,

at least a few weeks here so we can, uh, monitor you.

Um...

Do you...

Do you want me to breathe with you?

She hasn't spoken in a couple hours.

- [Dr. Pankowitz] Right. - I think she just needs some time.

Of course, of course.

No, nobody wants to spend Christmas in the hospital, right?

I'm sorry. So...

[door opens]

Hey. Hey.

[door closes]

You'll come by Martin Luther King Day.

Presidents' Day.

It's what Lincoln would have wanted.

Definitely JFK.

[phone buzzing]

It's him.

Are you sure that you don't want to take that?

[buzzing fades]

[electrical humming]

[♪ festive music fades in]

[♪ festive music playing over radio]

[nurse] Here you go.

One for you.

Enjoy.

Merry Christmas.

After tonight, you're gonna be like,

"Why have I never spent New Year's Eve at the hospital?

What have I been doing my whole life?"

[♪ "My Kink Is Karma" playing]

- We're ready. - [Molly] Babe? Babe?

Yeah?

I'm leaving.

What?

I'm checking myself out of the hospital. I just made a date.

You just can't, like... With who?

You remember that guy I canceled on three times?

Dante. He has the karate dojo in Queens.

Well... uh, are you gonna wear that?

Yeah. Why?

It's kind of a bummer. Like, I just...

I got these dresses because they're for us to wear on New Year's together.

- Okay. - That's what this is.

How much were they? I'll pay you back.

Obviously, it's not about that.

They were five dollars at a thrift store. It's more just, like...

What is this? Like, who is this guy?

- Is he even kinky? Do you like him? - I don't know.

- Like... - I don't know. I don't care.

He said he likes hand jobs. And, lucky for him, so do I.

- Cool. - [Molly] Come here, gorge.

Okay. Cool. So you're gonna check out of this hospital,

awesome idea, and leave to go give a stranger a hand job?

Yeah.

[Nikki scoffs]

Rather than, let's say, trying to be with someone that you're in love with?

Stop it.

I'm sorry, but it's just like, what are you doing?

You were really, really close. You were so close.

I was never close. It wasn't serious, okay?

[Molly] I'm gonna be late. Jesus.

What do you want me to do here? You just want me to sit here

and watch you try to hurt yourself now?

That... This, right here,

this whole fucking move is why I gave up my whole life? For this?

I told you not to give up your life.

That's what I told you not to do.

[Nikki] You told me you wanted to die with me.

So I am dying with you. We're dying here together.

- No, it's not happening to you. - That's what we're doing.

You're not dying.

I'm...

♪ It's hot When you have a meltdown ♪

♪ In the front of your house And you're getting kicked out ♪

I didn't ask for any of this.

♪ And you're getting called out 'Cause you're running Your mouth ♪

♪ Oh, god And it's coming around ♪

I don't want to be happy.

♪ It's coming around ♪

♪ Oh, god Oh, god ♪

♪ People say I'm jealous But my kink is watching ♪

♪ You ruin your life ♪

It's just a balloon wall.

♪ You dyeing your hair ♪

♪ People say I'm jealous But my kink is watching ♪

♪ You crashing your car ♪

♪ You breaking your heart ♪

♪ You thinking I care ♪

♪ People say I'm jealous But my kink is karma ♪

[song ends]

Hey.

Happy New Year.

Oh, thanks.

Why'd you stop?

Sorry, I can't feel my hand.

Just keep going. Come on.

What are you doing?

Breathing exercises.

I thought we were hooking up.

Did you hear me? I said I can't feel my hand.

Why would I give you a hand job if I can't feel my hand?

Like, how much longer are you gonna breathe for?

I'm still hard.

I don't want to do this anymore.

This feels bad.

Are you fucking serious?

Yeah. So fucking serious.

Good luck with your dojo.

[door opens, closes]

You were right. It sucked.

[scoffs]

I'm sorry.

No, I am sorry.

You do not have to be happy,

and you don't have to be happy for me.

It's just been so hard.

I keep thinking about everything.

I can't get any of it out of my head.

Yeah. Then I think maybe just let it be there.

[breathing shakily]

I'm so sad.

Yeah, I think you're grieving.

I think you're finally... you're really grieving what he did to you.

No. I wasn't.

[shakily] I tried to hold his hand, and he told me to stop being a child.

[scoffs]

[sniffles] And you did.

- You did. You did stop being a child. - [groans]

[♪ somber music fades in]

Oh, yes.

Yes.

[chuckles] Oh, my God. Why am I laughing?

[Nikki] Sonya said, you know, you just go for it.

You can laugh. You can burp.

You can fart. You can yawn.

Whatever you need to feel, you just do that.

[sighs]

[laughs]

[footsteps approaching]

[birds chirping]

Hey.

- Hi. Just wanna say hi. - Hi.

Didn't wanna interrupt your walk.

It's a beautiful day.

[Neighbor Guy] Yeah. Yeah.

- Um... - [Neighbor Guy] Where's Nikki?

Oh, she's with her sister.

All right. Well, I'll-I'll see you.

I've never seen you outside in the day before.

Is it disappointing?

[sighs]

Well, I'll see you.

[sighs]

[gasps]

Molly?

Hey, Molly.

I think I fell.

Yeah, I'm gonna call an ambulance.

[breathlessly] Wait.

- No, I don't think I should wait. - Shut up for a second.

I want you to know I love you.

And I think we should just love each other.

I love you. Of course I love you.

I think we have a real future together.

[laughs]

[♪ "Tears Stupid Tears" fades in]

I love you.

- I love you. I love you. - [Neighbor Guy] Hello? Hi. Hello.

Hello. I've got an emergency and need an ambulance.

[Molly] I love you.

[Neighbor Guy, fading] She's struggling to breathe.

We are at the corner of St. James and, uh...

♪ Time is a matter of fact ♪

♪ And it's gone And it'll never come back ♪

♪ And mine It's wasted all the time ♪

♪ Tears, stupid tears Bring me down ♪

♪ I got lucky by coincidence ♪

♪ But I got my feelings bent ♪

♪ And my head Looking at the ground ♪

♪ Tears, stupid tears Bring me down ♪

[song fades]

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