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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:04,970 - _ - ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:05,027 --> 00:00:07,500 All right, Grover. Great job. 3 00:00:07,557 --> 00:00:08,900 Yeah. Anytime, Dad. 4 00:00:08,957 --> 00:00:10,000 Ah. 5 00:00:11,730 --> 00:00:12,768 CALVIN: Really? 6 00:00:13,220 --> 00:00:14,400 "Great job"? 7 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:17,150 It says, "It's a gril." 8 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:20,470 I know what it says, 9 00:00:20,527 --> 00:00:22,280 but Grover's been applying to high schools, 10 00:00:22,299 --> 00:00:23,320 and it's been stressful. 11 00:00:23,338 --> 00:00:25,300 I'm trying to keep things positive. 12 00:00:25,940 --> 00:00:28,950 Well, maybe, if he can't spell "girl," 13 00:00:29,007 --> 00:00:31,060 he might want to do another year in middle school. 14 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:37,140 _ 15 00:00:37,197 --> 00:00:39,050 Calvin. 16 00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:40,660 Marty just called. 17 00:00:40,710 --> 00:00:43,090 Courtney and the baby have been discharged from the hospital. 18 00:00:43,147 --> 00:00:44,159 They're on their way. 19 00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:45,200 Aw. 20 00:00:45,256 --> 00:00:46,380 Remember that feeling? 21 00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:47,965 Bringing our baby home for the first time? 22 00:00:47,966 --> 00:00:50,690 - Oh, that was heaven. - (CHUCKLES) 23 00:00:50,710 --> 00:00:52,150 - Where are the instructions? - I read the instr... 24 00:00:52,207 --> 00:00:53,340 - Oh, wait. Was there instructions? - Are you sure 25 00:00:53,397 --> 00:00:55,014 - you're following the instructions? - I wasn't sure. I didn't see them before. 26 00:00:55,015 --> 00:00:56,750 No, I read... please stop yelling at me. 27 00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:58,260 But it's still wiggly. 28 00:00:58,310 --> 00:00:59,900 Okay, it's not wiggling. It's as tight as I can get... 29 00:00:59,957 --> 00:01:02,090 - It's cutting into the vegan leather. - Look. 30 00:01:02,146 --> 00:01:04,130 It's wiggling. 31 00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:07,510 Yeah, if you yank on it like that, Thor. 32 00:01:08,150 --> 00:01:09,270 Yep. 33 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:11,770 They're never gonna be happier than they are right now. 34 00:01:12,810 --> 00:01:13,890 GEMMA: Tina. 35 00:01:14,420 --> 00:01:17,100 I found some of Grover's old bibs and burp cloths. 36 00:01:17,157 --> 00:01:21,360 They're so cute. Look at this. "Spit happens." 37 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,950 Yeah, I'm-a throw away all this spit. 38 00:01:28,020 --> 00:01:29,330 Feels like she could've waited five minutes 39 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,410 till I walked away, but whatevs. 40 00:01:33,270 --> 00:01:35,040 Ah, Gemma, you remember this day? 41 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,790 Coming home with a perfect little baby? 42 00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,550 (TONGUE CLICKS) Yeah. 43 00:01:38,607 --> 00:01:40,060 And now he's a teenager. 44 00:01:40,117 --> 00:01:41,820 We get side hugs. 45 00:01:41,877 --> 00:01:43,360 And he calls us "bruh." 46 00:01:44,150 --> 00:01:46,150 I just hope Marty and Courtney appreciate 47 00:01:46,208 --> 00:01:47,550 these precious moments. 48 00:01:48,380 --> 00:01:49,930 (DAPHNE CRYING) 49 00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:51,140 Marty, slow down. 50 00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:52,390 Well, I'm going ten miles an hour. 51 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,460 (HORN HONKS) 52 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:55,770 Baby on board! 53 00:01:56,660 --> 00:01:58,970 Hey. She stopped crying. 54 00:01:59,027 --> 00:02:00,440 Oh, good. 55 00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:02,070 Wait, no, i-is she okay? 56 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,610 I-I don't know. Maybe she fainted. 57 00:02:03,667 --> 00:02:04,740 You're driving like a maniac. 58 00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,570 I'm going ten! 59 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,150 (DAPHNE CRYING) 60 00:02:09,207 --> 00:02:10,500 She's okay. She's crying again. 61 00:02:10,530 --> 00:02:12,040 - Oh, thank God. - (HORN HONKS) 62 00:02:12,091 --> 00:02:15,120 Hey, yo, there is a baby on board! 63 00:02:16,420 --> 00:02:17,750 Hey, hey, guys, guys? 64 00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,240 I-I think I see Marty's car. 65 00:02:19,298 --> 00:02:20,490 Ooh! 66 00:02:20,547 --> 00:02:21,650 Is it parked? 67 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,270 Um, I think it's moving. 68 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,440 Guys, he's got a baby on board. 69 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,130 You know, I hope he has one of those signs. 70 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,300 Well, we'll know in about half an hour. 71 00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:36,489 You know, I could just walk down there and get the baby. 72 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,460 Oh, yeah, yeah, I can't wait to hold that baby. 73 00:02:38,517 --> 00:02:39,860 Wait, wait, wait, here you go. 74 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,980 Oh, it's okay. I just washed my hands. 75 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:43,940 I didn't see it. 76 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,990 Oh, there's my baby! 77 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,640 - No, not you. Move! - Oh... oh! 78 00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,040 Give me my baby. 79 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:56,420 (DAPHNE CRYING) 80 00:02:56,479 --> 00:02:58,500 Sorry, Mrs. B, she's a little fussy. 81 00:02:58,554 --> 00:02:59,700 Oh, come here, come here. 82 00:02:59,758 --> 00:03:02,800 All she needs is her pop-pop. 83 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:06,590 That's all. That's all, yeah. 84 00:03:06,647 --> 00:03:08,300 Go-go on, now. We good. 85 00:03:11,270 --> 00:03:13,490 ♪ Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪ 86 00:03:13,547 --> 00:03:15,510 ♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪ 87 00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:18,990 - Oh, you like your uncle now. - (BABBLING) 88 00:03:19,742 --> 00:03:21,730 (OVERLAPPING CHATTER) 89 00:03:23,490 --> 00:03:25,920 Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay. 90 00:03:25,977 --> 00:03:27,550 She's happy now. 91 00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:30,530 Time for some grandma snuggles. 92 00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:32,690 - Here you go, Grandma. - (CHUCKLES) 93 00:03:32,748 --> 00:03:34,790 - (DAPHNE CRYING) - (ALL OOHING) 94 00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:36,550 You know what? I-I must have squeezed her too hard. 95 00:03:36,608 --> 00:03:38,690 - I'm sorry, Mrs. B. It's okay. - Yeah. 96 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,990 Oh, okay. Come on. Come to... 97 00:03:41,049 --> 00:03:42,060 (DAPHNE CRYING) 98 00:03:42,090 --> 00:03:44,190 Oh, no, no, no, Daphne. 99 00:03:44,220 --> 00:03:48,360 It's okay. It's me. Mama Tina. 100 00:03:48,417 --> 00:03:50,400 I-It's probably just too much excitement, Mom. 101 00:03:50,458 --> 00:03:51,470 It's not you. 102 00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:53,070 COURTNEY: You know what? 103 00:03:53,127 --> 00:03:55,660 - She's probably just hungry. - Yeah. 104 00:03:55,716 --> 00:03:58,330 Oh, hungry. Yeah, feed that baby. 105 00:03:58,387 --> 00:04:00,330 Why would you hand me a hungry baby? 106 00:04:00,387 --> 00:04:01,420 (LAUGHTER) 107 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:02,451 I mean... 108 00:04:03,168 --> 00:04:05,870 - Uh-oh. Dinnertime. - Oh, we're doing this right here. 109 00:04:05,927 --> 00:04:07,020 Ooh. 110 00:04:08,380 --> 00:04:11,080 Ah, you had the stucco removed during the remodel, huh? 111 00:04:11,138 --> 00:04:12,169 CALVIN: Yeah, see that... 112 00:04:12,170 --> 00:04:13,950 Guys, grow up. 113 00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:16,500 Breastfeeding is a beautiful, natural thing. 114 00:04:16,550 --> 00:04:18,500 Oh, of course. That-that goes without saying. 115 00:04:18,557 --> 00:04:19,760 That's... 116 00:04:19,817 --> 00:04:21,400 Is she still doing it? 117 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:25,730 Okay. So, help me out here. Given that we're not a couple, 118 00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:29,240 uh, am I being supportive by looking or not looking? 119 00:04:29,297 --> 00:04:30,780 It's not like you haven't seen them. 120 00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:33,780 Right, right, but that-that was that one time, 121 00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:35,230 when, you know, we made her. 122 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,000 It's fine. You're the father. You can look. 123 00:04:39,057 --> 00:04:41,170 Okay. (CHUCKLES) Okay. 124 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,360 Okay, I'm not gonna look. 125 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:48,440 - Yeah, please don't. - I'm not gonna look. 126 00:04:48,499 --> 00:04:49,500 CALVIN: Ooh, whoa, uh... 127 00:04:49,519 --> 00:04:50,539 - MARTY: Dad? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 128 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,170 Can... let's talk way over here, please. 129 00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:54,760 Uh, Marty, 130 00:04:54,770 --> 00:04:57,750 - so the two superchargers came in. - Yeah. 131 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,570 And tomorrow, I'm-a need you to come in and check them 132 00:05:00,628 --> 00:05:03,370 to make sure we got enough megatrons to run them. 133 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,860 Okay, Dad, um... 134 00:05:08,832 --> 00:05:11,880 Megatron is the bad guy from Transformers. 135 00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:14,340 Do you mean "megawatts"? 136 00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:15,430 Yeah, him, too. 137 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,920 Look, uh, Marty, you know this tech stuff 138 00:05:18,977 --> 00:05:20,460 is out of my wheelhouse. 139 00:05:20,517 --> 00:05:22,630 All right? But we got to be ready. 140 00:05:22,687 --> 00:05:24,190 We just signed a deal 141 00:05:24,248 --> 00:05:28,710 to service all of the electric vehicles for the gas company. 142 00:05:28,767 --> 00:05:30,920 Okay, well, I mean, tell Stefan to take the lead on that. 143 00:05:30,977 --> 00:05:32,710 Stefan? 144 00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:34,870 That's the kid with the big holes in his earlobes? 145 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,050 Yeah. 146 00:05:36,108 --> 00:05:37,830 Clearly, he makes bad decisions. 147 00:05:37,887 --> 00:05:41,870 No. No, I-I need you. I need regular earlobes. 148 00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:44,320 Okay, but-but, Dad, I'm not gonna be in the office. 149 00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:45,560 I'm taking my paternity leave. 150 00:05:45,617 --> 00:05:46,620 Taking it? 151 00:05:46,649 --> 00:05:47,890 (LAUGHING) 152 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,290 Who's giving it? 153 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:54,390 We are. It's... It's Fusebox policy. 154 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,179 No, no, no. I didn't agree to that. 155 00:05:56,180 --> 00:05:58,470 Dad, it's in our 60-page onboarding handbook. 156 00:05:58,527 --> 00:06:00,340 - You signed it. - I may have signed it, 157 00:06:00,350 --> 00:06:02,640 but I definitely didn't read it. 158 00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:05,980 You didn't read my handbook? 159 00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:10,120 Dave, you didn't tell me anything 160 00:06:10,177 --> 00:06:12,300 about a paternity leave in the handbook. 161 00:06:12,357 --> 00:06:14,030 Don't you mean, "Thanks, Dave, 162 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,670 "for using your years of HR experience 163 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:20,430 to write a free 60-page handbook"? 164 00:06:20,487 --> 00:06:24,310 All I know is, in my day, we didn't have paternity leave. 165 00:06:24,367 --> 00:06:26,830 Your mother gave birth to you in the morning 166 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,990 and I was back to work before noon. 167 00:06:29,048 --> 00:06:30,800 And you know how I knew that? 168 00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:34,170 Because I got a egg and cheese biscuit on the way. 169 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:39,710 Okay, okay, okay. Give me that happy baby. 170 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,240 - Okay. - (CHUCKLES) 171 00:06:41,297 --> 00:06:42,780 Come on, come on. 172 00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:47,210 - (DAPHNE CRYING) - Oh, no, no, no, Daphne. 173 00:06:47,267 --> 00:06:49,440 Remember? We love each other. 174 00:06:52,220 --> 00:06:53,420 What? 175 00:06:53,477 --> 00:06:56,760 You know newborns. She's probably just gassy. 176 00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,720 Gassy. 177 00:06:58,777 --> 00:07:00,660 Now, why would you hand me a gassy baby? 178 00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:05,420 Calvin, you got to go to the drugstore right now 179 00:07:05,470 --> 00:07:06,600 and get some gripe water. 180 00:07:06,657 --> 00:07:07,677 What's gripe water? 181 00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:09,190 Uh, they'll know at the drugstore. 182 00:07:09,247 --> 00:07:10,270 Okay, well, what's it for? 183 00:07:10,327 --> 00:07:11,990 Well, by the time you finish asking me questions, 184 00:07:12,048 --> 00:07:13,100 you could've been back already. 185 00:07:13,110 --> 00:07:14,830 Go! 186 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,800 Sound like you the one need some gripe water. 187 00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:21,510 Dave? Come on. 188 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,140 - Are you hungry again? - Oh, my God. 189 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,400 Well, the good news is there is such thing as gripe water. 190 00:07:31,458 --> 00:07:35,340 The bad news is that it's locked up like a fifth of Jim Beam. 191 00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:38,760 Look, okay, Calvin, it's not that hard. 192 00:07:38,817 --> 00:07:41,390 Look, there's a little "get help" button right here. 193 00:07:41,430 --> 00:07:44,360 AUTOMATED VOICE: Associate needed in the gas relief aisle. 194 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:47,920 CALVIN: Uh, uh, no, no. It's for a baby. 195 00:07:47,940 --> 00:07:50,710 Baby gas. I'm-I'm not gassy at all. 196 00:07:51,490 --> 00:07:53,056 Why are you so grouchy? 197 00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:55,070 Are you gassy? 198 00:07:55,110 --> 00:07:56,200 No. 199 00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:00,510 Look, it's just a very busy time at the Fusebox. 200 00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:02,600 And all the extra work is laying on me 201 00:08:02,658 --> 00:08:05,580 because of this paternity leave nonsense. 202 00:08:05,637 --> 00:08:08,350 Nonsense? I took three months off with Grover. 203 00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,190 Why? Gemma was there. 204 00:08:10,249 --> 00:08:11,830 What the hell were you doing? 205 00:08:11,887 --> 00:08:14,940 Bonding. Singing. Skin-to-skin. 206 00:08:15,568 --> 00:08:17,420 Skin-to-skin? 207 00:08:17,477 --> 00:08:19,370 Yes. Skin-to-skin. 208 00:08:19,427 --> 00:08:21,860 Look, I would take my shirt off and I would just hold Grover. 209 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,600 Skin-to-skin contact is the reason 210 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,870 he and I are so close to this day. 211 00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,690 Well, I kept my shirt on. And you know why? 212 00:08:28,747 --> 00:08:30,040 Because I was at work. 213 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:36,090 Okay. (CHUCKLES) 214 00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:39,730 Now let me hold this sweet baby. 215 00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,370 - Yes. - (DAPHNE CRYING) 216 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,380 Oh... 217 00:08:46,010 --> 00:08:48,720 But... But... 218 00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:49,779 (GROANS) 219 00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,130 Oh... 220 00:08:51,770 --> 00:08:53,520 - (SHUSHING) - (CRYING STOPS) 221 00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,280 Now, wait a minute! Wait a minute! 222 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,400 I know what's going on here. 223 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,070 The poor little thing is having a reaction 224 00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:03,150 to these cheap diapers that Gemma bought! 225 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:05,130 You can insult me all you want 226 00:09:05,150 --> 00:09:06,450 as long as I get to hold this baby. 227 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:10,430 Okay, you know what? I'm gonna call Calvin. 228 00:09:10,487 --> 00:09:13,570 I'll have him get the good ones while he's at the drugstore. 229 00:09:13,627 --> 00:09:14,679 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 230 00:09:15,550 --> 00:09:16,630 Hey, what's up? 231 00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:19,120 Hey, we need hypoallergenic diapers stat. 232 00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:22,800 You got to go to the drugstore. 233 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,430 I just got back. 234 00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:27,790 He's just embarrassed because they thought he had gas. 235 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,880 Well, Gemma bought cheap diapers. 236 00:09:32,937 --> 00:09:34,540 Keep 'em coming. I'm in heaven. 237 00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:38,110 And the baby won't stop crying. 238 00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:40,300 But the baby's not crying. 239 00:09:40,357 --> 00:09:42,310 Well, she's about to cry again. 240 00:09:42,330 --> 00:09:44,070 Look, you got to go to the drugstore. 241 00:09:44,090 --> 00:09:45,150 Go on, now. 242 00:09:47,180 --> 00:09:49,640 Hey, Dad, uh, I'm putting the bassinet together. 243 00:09:49,697 --> 00:09:52,000 Can you lend me your drill? And show me how to use it? 244 00:09:52,020 --> 00:09:54,060 And just do it for me? 245 00:09:54,117 --> 00:09:56,590 Hey, hey, hey. No, no and no. 246 00:09:56,649 --> 00:09:58,310 Your father's going to get diapers now. 247 00:09:58,367 --> 00:10:00,940 Are you trying to make it so I can never take my baby to my house? 248 00:10:00,997 --> 00:10:04,340 If that's the way things have to be, then so be it. 249 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:08,319 Hey. Hey, you know what? 250 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,320 Uh, Marty, about this whole paternity leave thing, 251 00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:12,890 listen, I get it now. 252 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:14,155 Dave made some good points. 253 00:10:14,156 --> 00:10:15,290 Oh. 254 00:10:15,347 --> 00:10:16,730 Uh, did I? Which ones? 255 00:10:16,787 --> 00:10:18,440 Mm. I'll be quiet. 256 00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:22,090 Yeah, and, uh, you know what? I get it now. 257 00:10:22,147 --> 00:10:23,248 Oh. You do? 258 00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:24,490 I do. 259 00:10:24,547 --> 00:10:27,070 A-Also, take your shirt off when you give her the bottle. 260 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,390 Oh, right, for skin-to-skin. 261 00:10:28,447 --> 00:10:30,350 No, no, no, no. No, not that one. 262 00:10:30,390 --> 00:10:34,860 Look, but really, go ahead, take you some time off. 263 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:36,370 Hell, you know what? 264 00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:38,570 You can have the whole week off if you want. 265 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,610 Dad, I'm entitled to eight weeks. 266 00:10:40,667 --> 00:10:42,950 Eight weeks? Eight weeks to do what? 267 00:10:43,007 --> 00:10:44,140 - (CELL PHONE RINGING) - What you gonna be doing in eight weeks? 268 00:10:44,190 --> 00:10:45,952 What the hell you gonna do... 269 00:10:46,351 --> 00:10:48,170 - H-Hello? - Diapers! 270 00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,469 (BELL RINGS) 271 00:10:53,470 --> 00:10:56,670 AUTOMATED VOICE: Associate needed in the incontinence aisle. 272 00:10:58,860 --> 00:11:00,710 It's for a baby, sir. 273 00:11:00,767 --> 00:11:02,240 A baby. 274 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:06,530 A-And eight weeks for paternity leave? For what? 275 00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,430 Well, to bond. 276 00:11:08,470 --> 00:11:10,570 Dads don't bond that early. 277 00:11:10,627 --> 00:11:12,220 We don't nurse. That's a fact. 278 00:11:12,277 --> 00:11:15,980 Well, actually, I nursed Grover. 279 00:11:16,037 --> 00:11:20,050 Yeah, I wore an apparatus that simulated a breast. 280 00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:22,660 Okay, okay. Dave, you... 281 00:11:22,717 --> 00:11:26,110 I don't need to hear any more of your bonding stories. 282 00:11:26,167 --> 00:11:30,110 You were no more bond-ier than I was with my boys. 283 00:11:30,150 --> 00:11:31,170 Okay, you know what? 284 00:11:31,180 --> 00:11:33,860 I bet I still have that old daddy nurser at home in the attic. 285 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,990 - I'm gonna go get it. - No. No, no, no, no, no, no. 286 00:11:36,048 --> 00:11:37,310 I don't want it! I don't want it! 287 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,020 I don't... No, not you, sir. 288 00:11:39,078 --> 00:11:40,230 No, come back. Come back. 289 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,640 I need that little key! 290 00:11:44,460 --> 00:11:46,260 Just wish I could make Calvin understand 291 00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:48,380 why paternity leave is so important. 292 00:11:48,430 --> 00:11:52,400 You know, bonding is the manliest thing a man can do. 293 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:54,880 Good God! 294 00:11:58,740 --> 00:11:59,760 You remember this? 295 00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:03,230 I do. I spent 14 years trying to forget it. 296 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,110 Ah, okay. You know what? 297 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:08,060 Me going the extra mile to bond with my son really paid off. 298 00:12:08,110 --> 00:12:10,100 And Marty is gonna regret it 299 00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:12,390 if he and Daphne don't have the same great memories 300 00:12:12,410 --> 00:12:13,610 that Grover and I have. 301 00:12:14,450 --> 00:12:15,560 Good God! 302 00:12:22,340 --> 00:12:25,745 Hey, uh, why do you have all that baby stuff out? 303 00:12:25,750 --> 00:12:27,000 Ah, it's for Marty. 304 00:12:27,010 --> 00:12:28,820 But you know it reminded me of all the great times 305 00:12:28,850 --> 00:12:30,870 that you and I had when you were tiny. 306 00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:32,920 Remember how I used to read you that book 307 00:12:32,950 --> 00:12:35,500 about the angry little bulldozer and you would imitate him, 308 00:12:35,550 --> 00:12:38,540 like: "Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom." 309 00:12:38,590 --> 00:12:39,710 Nope. 310 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:44,090 What? Ah, you were pretty young back then. 311 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,550 You remember when I took you to Safari Selina on Ice? 312 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:47,960 I do not. 313 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:51,960 Really? 314 00:12:52,010 --> 00:12:54,130 Wh-What about the Michigan State Fair? 315 00:12:54,180 --> 00:12:56,050 Cows, pigs, cotton candy? 316 00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:58,560 Mm, no. 317 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,380 - Avalanche Bay Waterpark? - No. 318 00:13:01,410 --> 00:13:03,160 - Jumpy Town? The petting zoo? - No. No. 319 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,040 - Gymboree? - No. 320 00:13:05,090 --> 00:13:06,100 - Build-A-Bear? - No. 321 00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:07,400 - The Wiggles? - Nada. 322 00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:11,670 Are you sure I was there? 323 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,080 Yes, I'm sure you were there! 324 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:16,690 I bought those Wiggles tickets off a scalper 325 00:13:16,710 --> 00:13:19,380 in a very sketchy parking lot. 326 00:13:19,970 --> 00:13:22,670 For five times face value. And you don't remember it? 327 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,330 Oh, oh! Oh, yeah. 328 00:13:26,380 --> 00:13:27,760 Yeah, The Wiggles. 329 00:13:27,780 --> 00:13:30,260 I remem... They-they-they sang. 330 00:13:30,930 --> 00:13:32,350 And wiggled. 331 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:40,700 All right, I got the diapers. 332 00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:42,070 - Oh, damn. - Oh, damn. 333 00:13:44,660 --> 00:13:46,659 Does that baby ever stop eating? 334 00:13:46,670 --> 00:13:48,320 Tell me about it. 335 00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:49,480 Oh, speaking of which, 336 00:13:49,530 --> 00:13:50,920 the next time you're at the store, 337 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,832 can you get me some nipple cream? 338 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,370 Is that a real thing? 339 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:57,169 Oh, yeah. 340 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,214 These bad boys take a beating. 341 00:13:59,220 --> 00:14:00,460 Okay, you know what? 342 00:14:00,510 --> 00:14:03,300 I just spent $75 on 12 diapers. 343 00:14:03,350 --> 00:14:05,510 I'm-a let the baby's daddy get the nipple cream. 344 00:14:07,660 --> 00:14:08,720 Oh, come on. 345 00:14:08,770 --> 00:14:10,270 You all did this with your moms. 346 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:11,570 Oh, that's nasty. 347 00:14:13,350 --> 00:14:15,850 - Good morning, baby. You hungry? - No! 348 00:14:18,930 --> 00:14:21,200 Hey, uh, where's your brother? 349 00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:24,197 He at home, watching a YouTube video 350 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,200 on how to assemble a Diaper Genie. 351 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,460 L-Let me ask you something. 352 00:14:29,510 --> 00:14:30,800 We're close, right? 353 00:14:30,850 --> 00:14:32,670 Even though I worked a lot when you were little? 354 00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:35,290 Is, uh, something bothering you, Pop? 355 00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:39,870 Well, Dave says that bonding starts 356 00:14:39,890 --> 00:14:41,540 when the baby is born. 357 00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:43,270 Well, I didn't take a paternity leave. 358 00:14:43,290 --> 00:14:44,970 I went right back to work. 359 00:14:45,020 --> 00:14:47,770 And the truth is, he's got me worrying 360 00:14:47,790 --> 00:14:49,930 that I didn't bond with you boys. 361 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:54,430 No, no, w-we did all types of stuff together, man. 362 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,580 I-I remember, when we were little, 363 00:14:56,630 --> 00:14:58,430 you would take us to the drive-in movies. 364 00:14:58,440 --> 00:14:59,970 (CHUCKLES) That was fun. 365 00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:02,790 Yeah, yeah. You used to make us lay down in the backseat 366 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:04,730 so you didn't have to pay for us. 367 00:15:06,580 --> 00:15:08,360 But-but, hey, that-that made it exciting. 368 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:10,980 Yep, that's why I did it. 369 00:15:11,580 --> 00:15:14,280 And remember you used to get us up 370 00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:16,370 at the crack of dawn on Saturdays 371 00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:19,250 and put Pit Stop coupons on everybody's windshields? 372 00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:21,960 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So those were your teenage years. 373 00:15:21,980 --> 00:15:24,009 That's when you start to form a work ethic, you know? 374 00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:26,210 (CHUCKLES) I was in the second grade. 375 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,050 Marty was four. 376 00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,820 (STAMMERS) Oh. 377 00:15:30,850 --> 00:15:33,180 Okay, yeah, well, that was a little young. 378 00:15:33,230 --> 00:15:34,830 Okay, yeah, but-but it did, 379 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,380 you know, it did build some character. 380 00:15:36,410 --> 00:15:37,830 I mean, you always said, 381 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,840 "Kickball don't keep the lights on." 382 00:15:40,490 --> 00:15:42,650 Yeah, that sound like me. 383 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,930 - (COOING) - Aw. 384 00:15:45,970 --> 00:15:48,610 - Look at my happy girl. - (BURPS) 385 00:15:50,410 --> 00:15:53,430 Ooh. That was a good burp. 386 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:55,370 Okay, all right now. 387 00:15:55,420 --> 00:15:57,210 - Okay. - Come on to Grandma. 388 00:15:57,260 --> 00:15:58,410 There we go. 389 00:15:58,460 --> 00:16:02,660 - (CRYING) - Oh. Come on. 390 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,790 Why do you hate me? 391 00:16:04,820 --> 00:16:06,280 I love you. 392 00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:08,160 I don't know what it is, Mrs. B. 393 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,180 Maybe you're giving "pick me" energy. 394 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:14,640 What kind of energy am I giving, now? 395 00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:18,720 I don't know, but I'm giving "I apologize" energy, so... 396 00:16:19,930 --> 00:16:23,100 Well, I mean, she was fine until I touched her bottom. 397 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:24,810 It could be diaper rash. 398 00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:26,150 It sure could be. 399 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,821 Well, why would you hand me a rashy-ass baby? 400 00:16:30,370 --> 00:16:32,240 She needs ointment. Calvin! 401 00:16:32,290 --> 00:16:33,750 Yeah. Yeah, I'm going. 402 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,960 I'm going. I'm going, I'm going. 403 00:16:35,990 --> 00:16:38,910 I might as well get a job at the store at this point. 404 00:16:40,370 --> 00:16:42,160 Dave! Let's go! 405 00:16:44,010 --> 00:16:45,960 (RINGING BELL REPEATEDLY) 406 00:16:46,010 --> 00:16:49,630 AUTOMATED VOICE: Associate needed in the fungal ointment aisle. 407 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:52,630 Yeah, that's right, it's fungus this time. 408 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,820 I'm more mushroom than I am man at this point. 409 00:16:57,570 --> 00:17:00,680 - Now, this man is basically shiitake! - Hey. 410 00:17:01,490 --> 00:17:04,730 Dave, calm down, okay? Are you all right? 411 00:17:04,780 --> 00:17:05,970 No, I'm not all right. 412 00:17:06,020 --> 00:17:08,330 Grover doesn't remember any of the things that we bonded over. 413 00:17:08,380 --> 00:17:10,650 Have you ever seen Safari Selina on Ice? 414 00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:12,860 ♪ When you're looking at something far away ♪ 415 00:17:12,910 --> 00:17:14,920 ♪ There's only one thing that you've got to say ♪ 416 00:17:14,970 --> 00:17:17,360 ♪ Telescope, telescope, telescope, hooray! ♪ 417 00:17:18,130 --> 00:17:19,289 You know how long that song was? 418 00:17:19,290 --> 00:17:21,457 Eight minutes. You know many other verses there were? 419 00:17:21,460 --> 00:17:22,520 None! 420 00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:25,712 Okay, so what is your point? 421 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:28,710 My point is, I've suffered. 422 00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:30,270 And for what? 423 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:31,870 He doesn't even remember any of it. 424 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:35,100 Well, unfortunately, my boys do remember. 425 00:17:35,150 --> 00:17:38,110 Malcolm remembers me breaking child labor laws 426 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,150 when he was seven. 427 00:17:41,380 --> 00:17:44,090 Calvin, you don't need to make up horrible stories 428 00:17:44,140 --> 00:17:45,730 just to make me feel better. 429 00:17:47,380 --> 00:17:49,760 Look, I've always been a workaholic. 430 00:17:49,810 --> 00:17:52,280 I-I just don't want Marty to be like me. 431 00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:56,310 Okay, look, well, you probably don't want to hear this, 432 00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:59,290 but it's never too late for... 433 00:17:59,340 --> 00:18:01,040 - skin-to-skin. - Don't you say it. Don't you say skin-to-skin. 434 00:18:01,090 --> 00:18:02,380 Don't you say skin-to-skin! 435 00:18:04,430 --> 00:18:05,880 All right, Calvin, give me a buzz 436 00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:08,040 when it's time to go back to the drugstore. 437 00:18:08,090 --> 00:18:10,080 Don't take your shoes off. 438 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,040 ♪ If you're looking at something far away ♪ 439 00:18:16,070 --> 00:18:18,140 ♪ There's only one thing you've got to say ♪ 440 00:18:18,190 --> 00:18:20,580 BOTH: ♪ Telescope, telescope, telescope... ♪ 441 00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,080 ♪ Hooray. ♪ 442 00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:29,400 You remember. 443 00:18:29,450 --> 00:18:30,730 R-Remember what? 444 00:18:30,780 --> 00:18:33,360 Th-The song. You remember the song. 445 00:18:33,410 --> 00:18:34,800 Oh, th... 446 00:18:34,850 --> 00:18:36,880 I don't know where that came from. 447 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,030 It's terrible. 448 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:39,860 I know, isn't it?! 449 00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:44,169 Hey, I got the rash cream. 450 00:18:44,170 --> 00:18:45,550 Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. 451 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,160 She's holding my finger. 452 00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:48,220 (CHUCKLES): Oh. 453 00:18:48,230 --> 00:18:49,610 You know, that's what I was gonna say 454 00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,080 about the paternity leave thing. 455 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,380 Oh, here we go. 456 00:18:52,430 --> 00:18:54,180 No. No, no, no, no. 457 00:18:54,210 --> 00:18:55,630 I want you to take it. 458 00:18:56,580 --> 00:18:59,340 I mean, take all the time that you need. 459 00:18:59,390 --> 00:19:02,140 Wow. Where'd this come from? 460 00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:04,840 I'm evolving. 461 00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:10,910 I mean, that little baby squishing your pinky right now, 462 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,980 she's your most important priority, 463 00:19:13,030 --> 00:19:15,110 beyond anything else. 464 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,000 Don't worry about the Fusebox, all right? 465 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,450 Stephan can handle the megalodons. 466 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,070 Marty! 467 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,520 Good God! 468 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,510 Sorry. 469 00:19:25,550 --> 00:19:27,080 Marty, I got a present for you. 470 00:19:27,110 --> 00:19:29,250 Calvin, eyes up here. 471 00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:37,130 (DAPHNE CRYING) 472 00:19:37,180 --> 00:19:39,000 (TINA SHUSHES) 473 00:19:39,050 --> 00:19:40,819 Don't-don't-don't cry. 474 00:19:40,820 --> 00:19:42,010 Don't cry. It's okay. 475 00:19:42,060 --> 00:19:43,250 (CRYING) 476 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,390 Oh. Oh. 477 00:19:46,290 --> 00:19:48,050 (GROWLS) Um, uh, Marty! 478 00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:50,250 G-Get me some hand sanitizer! 479 00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:51,540 (CRYING) 480 00:19:51,580 --> 00:19:53,320 Marty! 481 00:19:53,330 --> 00:19:54,810 Calvin?! 482 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:56,950 Oh. 483 00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:00,860 It just breaks my heart to hear my Daphne cry. 484 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,230 (CRYING CONTINUES) 485 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,860 Okay, shh, shh, shh. Okay. Okay. Okay. 486 00:20:04,910 --> 00:20:08,600 Whether you like me or not, I'm gonna pick you up. 487 00:20:08,650 --> 00:20:10,280 - (SCREAMING) - Okay. I know. 488 00:20:10,330 --> 00:20:11,740 D-Don't cry, don't cry. 489 00:20:11,780 --> 00:20:13,100 Don't cry. Don't cry. 490 00:20:13,150 --> 00:20:15,440 I know, baby, I know. 491 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:16,560 - I know. - (CRYING STOPS) 492 00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:18,500 - (DAPHNE LAUGHING) - I know. 493 00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:24,420 You don't hate me. 494 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,270 (LAUGHING CONTINUES) 495 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:27,920 Oh. 496 00:20:31,140 --> 00:20:34,192 You hate the hand sanitizer! 497 00:20:35,890 --> 00:20:38,030 Oh, oh. 498 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,000 Oh, Daphne. 499 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,560 But why didn't you just say that? 500 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:50,340 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.MY-SUBS.com -- 35555

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