Original subtitles

Aah!

Aah!

Hoo! Hyah!

Hoo yah!

Wah!

What's going on, Hop?

Oh, you back again?

Oh, sick!

Find good one?

Yeah, Ten Tigers of Kwangtung.

This is gold.

Oh!

Bride with White Hair.

Chinese, no subtitles.

Hey, Hop, do you have any early Shaw Brothers?

There's a guy who does leopard style--

Leopard style, dragon style...

fly through air, fight on water.

Crouching tiger, spanking monkey.

I know you.

Another white boy who wants to know kung fu.

Kick the ass.

Get the girls.

Only storage back here.

Where did you get this?

It was here...

when my grandfather opened this shop...

hundred years ago.

He waited for a man to come to pick it up...

return to rightful owner.

Man never came.

My father take over the shop.

Waited, too. Long time.

Now me.

That's a Northern Temple-style bo staff.

Same kind the thirteen monks used to save the Tang Emperor.

I've seen it before.

That exact one.

I've had dreams about it.

You know why?

You watch too much Hong Kong Phooey.

Come.

Come on.

I give you five awesome Bruce Lee movie...

for very sick price.

You're the man, Hop.

Jason!

Hey. What's up?

Not much. Just, you know, cruisin'.

You been down to Chinatown.

What's up with that?

Oh.

Kung fu.

Are you serious?

I'm not supposed to talk about it...

not under the kung fu code.

Hey, look.

The new kid's makin' time with the hoodsies.

J-boy, you still riding this loser cruiser?

You need to get a motor for this shit.

What we got here?

Just some bootlegs, no big deal.

"Enter the Dragon"?

"The Bride With White Hair"?

Yeah, that's actually very good.

- Oh! - Ow! Punk.

Come on, let him go.

Yeah, don't. He knows kung fu.

What?

You think you're Chinese?

You hangin' out with them Chinks in C-town?

What's up with you? Let's see some, man.

Come on. Come on.

Let's see some kung fu, huh?

Kung fu master. Huh? Huh?

Want some Tae Kwon Do, huh?

Yo, Lupo.

He's hangin' out with that old Chink cashes checks.

You in tight with the old man?

Just shut up and do it!

It's late, man. He's probably gone home.

He's not here. Let's just go.

Who's there?

Ah! Kung fu boy.

You back for more good-price movie?

I told you, best deal in Chinatown.

Come in.

Want some tea?

Red Sox game is on.

Yankees winning. Very bad.

Who's with you?

Friend?

Where you keep the cash?

I said, where do you keep the cash?

- Please-- - Come on, old man!

Stay here!

Hey.

Found your Xbox.

Hop!

Jesus, Lupo!

- What the hell, man? - You shot him!

Take it.

Must return to rightful owner.

Run.

You didn't see that, yo.

You didn't see that!

Come here, you little shit!

Lupo, come on, man! Just don't--

- You didn't see nothing! - Calm down, Lupo.

Hey, chill, man. Come on.

- Put the gun down. - Shut up!

Maybe I pulled the trigger, but we're all in this together!

But this little cockroach, he ain't one of us!

Excuse me.

I don't know where I am.

I don't--I don't know how I got here.

I remember falling.

Hmm?

Aah!

Aah!

Whoa! Aah!

Whoa!

What? This?

You want this?

Aah!

Aah!

I don't know what you're saying.

I can't understand you!

That's because you're not listening!

Behind you!

Aah!

Hyah!

I don't know where I am...

or how I got here...

and who those guys were that wanted to kill me.

But whatever you did back there was sick.

No. Drunken Fist.

Secret kung fu of the South.

I'm Lu Yan, traveling scholar.

What land do you come from, monk?

I'm not a monk.

I'm Jason.

Jason Tripitikas, from South Boston.

Is this a dream?

No.

Where you came from is the dream...

through the Gate of No Gate.

Is that like a wormhole or something?

No. It means you are either a Zen master...

or you carry something very special.

This?

It was in a pawn shop, waiting for a man to pick it up...

and return it to its rightful owner.

What?

It's long been foretold...

that a seeker will come...

to return the staff and end the reign of the Jade Warlord.

Return the staff to who?

The Monkey King.

Born of a stone...

on the mountain of fruit and flowers.

With his weapon in hand...

his chi became like fire...

his stick fighting like magic.

He defied the order of the land...

but the Jade Army could not defeat him.

Ooh!

Hee hee hee hee

The Monkey King crushed every soldier sent to stop him.

With his magical staff, he was unbeatable.

Word of his disobedience...

traveled deep within the Forbidden Kingdom...

to the Five Elements Mountain, land of the immortals.

Once every 500 years...

the Jade Emperor hosts the Peach Banquet.

It is here, the heavenly ministers gather...

to celebrate their longevity...

and drink the elixir of immortality.

One sip of this heavenly brew will give everlasting life...

free from mortal suffering and desire.

Into the banquet...

the Monkey King crashed, uninvited.

Whoo!

The Jade Emperor was enchanted by the Monkey King.

But the Jade Warlord was not amused.

As master of the army,

the Warlord demanded the Monkey King bow down to him.

He's a bit unrefined, that's all.

Give the naughty monkey a title and let him go.

Satisfied all was well in heaven and earth...

the supremely high Emperor...

left to begin his 500 years meditation...

leaving the Jade Warlord in charge by mandate of heaven.

But rather than obey the Jade Emperor's command...

the Warlord challenged the Monkey King to a duel.

High atop Five Elements Mountain in the Warlord's palace...

The battle of immortals was fought...

to prove once and for all whose skills were supreme.

Yah!

Hmph!

Huh!

Hwah!

Ohh!

Most excellent stick fighting, Sun Wukong.

But without your weapon, you're nothing but a lowly hermit!

Hee!

No more weapons, no more chi magic.

Fist against fist.

The Monkey King was too trusting...

and believed the Warlord's words...

laying down his magic weapon.

Hwah!

Realizing he'd been tricked...

the Monkey King cast the staff...

out into the Middle Kingdom.

Hmm...

Martial art is based on deception...

my friend.

Being immortal...

the Monkey King could not be Killed...

only trapped in stone...

where he waits for the seeker from the prophesy...

to return to him his great weapon and finally free him.

That's what I heard, anyway.

Long time ago.

How long has he been imprisoned?

Five hundred years, give or take a few decades.

They say when the Monkey King is free...

the Jade Emperor will return.

How do I get home?

You must return the staff to Five Elements Mountain.

You must free the Monkey King.

I can't free the Monkey King.

I gotta get home.

Innkeeper! More wine.

Jeez, don't you think you've had one too many?

Wine is my inspiration.

In some parts, I am known as the poet.

Gambei.

In other parts, I am known as the beggar.

What do we do now?

How good is your kung fu?

Ah!

He who speaks does not know.

He who knows does not speak.

Surely, you are masterful.

Where did you get that weapon?

It's a fake.

You can find anything these days on the Silk Road.

Out of way, old fool.

Huh?

Hand it over.

Hand over the weapon... or die.

Gol!

Whoa!

Whoa! Oh!

Aah! Oh!

Hyah!

Aah!

Lu, help!

Ayah!

- Lu! - Protect yourself!

What?

Yah! Yah!

Ohh!

Ayee!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Hyah!

Let's go!

Aah!

Oh! Ohhh!

Where are you going?

- Jump! - I don't think so!

Don't think! Just do!

Come on!

Aah!

Ohh!

Aah!

Ah! Thank you!

Oh! Such skills, child!

Are you from northern mountains?

She is Golden Sparrow, from the South.

Yah! Yah!

Aah!

You really saved our lives back there.

I don't know what we would have done...

if you hadn't come along.

She does not think...

the Drunken Immortal needed his life saved.

You're immortal?

What do you run from, child?

Bounty hunters trying to stop her...

from reaching the Five Elements Mountain.

I suggest you keep riding west...

and only stop to water your horses.

You're not coming?

The journey to Five Elements Mountain...

crosses barrens and deserts.

Unspeakable dangers.

Worst of all, no wine.

His elixir.

Every immortal has one.

I'm very sorry. Without wine, I would perish.

You must understand this.

No. You must understand this.

This is insane!

- You wish to get home? - Yes.

Then listen well!

If you die here...

you'll be found dead in the world you left behind.

Do you understand?

My jug is getting low.

I must say goodbye. Bye-bye.

Lu.

Wait!

Let him go.

You are the one to return the staff, not him.

How good is your kung fu?

He's got no kung fu.

None!

Lu, wait!

Teach me.

Teach me to fight!

Swing soft, cut hard!

At the same time!

He's terrible.

I've been your weed-whacker for two days now...

while you sit on your horse like the King of England.

When are you gonna teach me kung fu?

You want to learn kung fu?

Yeah.

I teach you kung fu.

- Aah! - That's called strike.

Tomorrow, I'll teach you block.

Let's go.

Swing soft, cut hard.

You think you'll teach me the No Shadow Kick?

Oh, and the Buddha Palm Technique?

There's a guy in Virtual Fighter 2...

who does the Buddha Palm Technique.

Thanks, Lu.

And he does the, uh...

the Iron Elbow...

and he does the One-Fingered Death Touch.

The cup's full.

Stop! It's full.

Exactly.

How can you fill your cup if already full?

How can you learn kung fu?

You already know so much.

No Shadow Kick, Buddha Palm!

Empty your cup.

Hopeless.

It is hopeless.

It is said that music...

is a bridge between earth and heaven.

It's beautiful.

It belonged to her mother.

Lu Yan?

Lu Yan?

Lu Yan!

Lu Yan!

Sparrow!

Aah!

Are you all right?

Jason, what happened?

He took it! The staff!

The Jade Warlord has sent a bounty hunter.

We are doomed.

That's his horse.

He must be inside.

Why would he take refuge in a temple?

That's what I intend to find out.

Wait with the horses.

Ah! Good to get off my feet.

Long day.

So, where are you from?

Shandong Province?

You look like the Shandong Province type.

You come here often?

That staff doesn't belong to you.

You have to give it to me, or somebody might get hurt.

Yah!

What kind of monk are you, huh?

Stealing from travelers.

Ah!

A silent one, I see.

Or deaf.

I'm speaking to you, monk!

Hmm?

Hey!

Ugh!

Praying Mantis.

Very good...

for catching bugs.

But not tiger!

Aah!

You tried to steal the staff for the Warlord!

No, fool!

I'm on a mission to find the seeker of the staff.

You found him.

Ah!

How long have you been searching for the staff?

As long as I can remember.

Aah!

Aah!

Jason, go deeper!

Must taste bitter before sweet.

Horse stance. Grow roots.

Horse stance.

Very good... for taking a dump.

Hey!

Enough from you!

He's my student, not yours!

Two tigers cannot live on the same mountain.

Two masters cannot teach the same student!

Ma bu!

If he is really to learn the kung fu...

he must develop speed, accuracy, and power.

Hey! I know that.

It's the Way of the Intercepting Fist.

Bruce Lee?

I will punch.

You block.

Ready?

Ohh!

What did I teach you about the Snake?

Now you punch me.

See?

Again. You punch him again.

Snake!

He's not ready for Snake.

Perhaps Eagle.

Crane! Crane!

Okay?

Aah!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Aah! Oh!

Stop!

I've had enough!

No morel

No more silent riddles!

And no more empty cups!

First rule: show respect to your teachers!

So, what about the two tigers on one mountain?

We can kill each other when it's over.

Aah ha hal!

Ha ha ha ha hal!

Ohh!

Kung fu.

Hard work over time to accomplish skill.

Aah! Aah!

A painter can havekung fu.

Or the butcher who cuts meat...

every day with such skill his knife never touches bone.

Learn the form, but seek the formless.

Hear the soundless.

Learn it all, then forget it all.

Learn the way, then find your own way.

The musician can havekung fu...

or the poet who paints pictures with words...

and makes emperors weep.

This, too, is kung fu.

But do not name it, my friend...

for it is like water.

Nothing is softer than water...

yet it can overcome rock.

It does not fight.

It flows around the opponent.

Formless, nameless...

the true master dwells within.

Only you can free him.

Behold the tyranny of the warlord.

He must be stopped.

He must be killed for his crimes and his head put on a post.

But we must not feel hatred towards him, or he wins.

If he speaks of compassion for this devil...

he should go back to his temple and pray.

Our mission is not one of peace.

Go back to your mother and father.

You are but a child.

They are dead.

And she's not a child.

Not anymore.

Her father...

was a government official who opposed the Warlord.

And so, to set an example...

the Warlord dispatched his troops into the night.

Legion upon legion poured out of the Five Elements Mountain...

into the lowlands of the Middle Kingdom.

Screams of innocent people hung in the night air.

When it was over, charred ruins were all that remained.

That, and a lonely child, hidden in the well by her mother...

ruthlessly murdered by an arrow...

from the Warlord's bow.

When she reaches the Warlord's palace...

she will not offer him forgiveness...

monk.

She will offer him...

this...

a jade dart that can kill an immortal.

Long has she practiced.

Vengeance has a way of rebounding upon oneself.

Huh.

Master of sensitivity.

Damn.

This desert is hot.

This is not a desert.

That is the desert!

I hope you know where you're going!

Crazy monk.

Oh!

A monk on a mission.

And where does he lead us?

Across a desert to nowhere.

We're not gonna make it, are we?

And even if we do, we still have to face the Jade Army.

What if I can't handle it?

What if I freeze?

Don't forget to breathe.

If we don't find water soon, we will perish.

Perhaps a Taoist immortal can make rain.

If he truly is a Taoist immortal.

You are an insult to the name of Buddha!

Blasphemy!

Look!

I lead you to the mountain!

Out there!

Can you see them...

in the clouds?

A two-headed lion.

Right there.

See?

Yeah, I see.

See that one?

Right there, coming up behind it?

Like a wave?

Looks like the Green Monster.

Green Monster?

You mean dragon.

No, I mean Fenway Park.

They call the left field fence the Green Monster.

It's true.

It does kind of look like a dragon, though, doesn't it?

Have you family back in this land you come from?

My mother.

Father?

Never knew him.

Do you ever long for him?

Wonder who he was?

Maybe the only thing I've ever been good at...

pretending that I don't.

She is sorry.

How romantic.

Men will tell you what you want to hear, Sparrow.

But in the end, they will leave you with nothing.

You survived the River of Sand.

Impressive.

And you, boy...

so far from home.

I can ensure your safe return.

Just bring the weapon forward.

I don't think so.

Why do you want the staff?

When I deliver the lost weapon...

the Jade Warlord shall grant me the Elixir of Immortality.

An orphan girl, a lost traveler...

an old drunk, and a monk who has failed...

at the same task for half his life.

Misfits following a misfit in hopes of rescuing...a misfit.

Oh!

Aah!

Kill them.

Aah!

- Aah! - Aah!

Wah!

Oh!

Hyah!

Lu! You okay?

Just thirsty.

Lu!

It's okay. He's immortal, right?

I mean, he is, right?

Wine. He needs his wine!

There is nothing we can do.

What are you saying?

We have to do something!

I'm afraid the wound is too deep.

He will not survive it.

He needs wine.

He's one of the Eight Immortals.

Wine is his elixir. Please.

We will send a walking monk.

Don't you have a running monk?

When I was your age...

I was a scholar-warrior in training.

My arrow was good. So, too, my kung fu.

So I was chosen to take the civil examinations.

To pass would place me...

in the very short line of scholar immortals.

I failed.

You're not an immortal?

If one does not attach himself...

to people and desires...

never shall his heart be broken.

But then...

does he ever truly live?

I would rather die a mortal...

who has cared about someone...

than a man free...

from his own death.

I don't want to lose you.

Forget about me.

There is only one Elixir of Immortality.

It is the Emperor's mix of jade...

cinnabar, and salts of mercury.

It is forever stored in the realm of the Jade Palace...

high in the Jade Firmament, rarely touched by mortals.

To reach it, one must take the north road...

and cross the border of heaven and earth...

only to face the Jade Army.

I'm sorry.

There is no other way.

Yes, there is.

In two nights, there should be no moon.

We can take the south side of the fourth peak...

under cover of darkness.

- We have to go now. - No!

But he's going to die!

We go now, we all die.

There is more at stake, an entire kingdom.

Your passage home.

We will advance in two nights, when the moon has ceased.

So be it!

When she met you...

long ago in a tea house...

you were a lost boy and frightened.

Not the kind she would stand and fight with.

You've made a most excellent judgment.

The seeker from the prophecy.

Not quite what I expected.

A man is dying back on Song Mountain.

I need the elixir.

And why should I give it to you?

Because I brought you the staff.

The life of your friend...

for the power to rule a kingdom?

A most reasonable offer.

This man, a good friend?

And a good teacher.

The man who honors his teacher honors himself.

However, there is a bit of a problem...

with your request.

You see...

I've promised the elixir to someone else.

But she didn't bring you the staff.

I did.

The boy has a point.

My liege, you made a promise.

There is but one way to resolve such matters.

A martial challenge... to the death.

With pleasure.

The Elixir of Immortality.

The prize goes to the winner.

Yah!

Aah!

No!

Ahh!

Enough!

The seeker from the prophecy.

I find that quite amusing.

Did you really think, even for a minute...

you stood a chance?

I didn't think so.

- Aah! - Aah!

She will kill you, witch!

Not if I Kill you first, orphan bitch!

Yah!

Aah!

Aaah!

Yaah!

Yah!

Gambei!

Remember what I taught you!

Yaah!

Aah!

Yaah!

The statue!

Use the staff!

Waah!

Aah!

Aah!

My turn!

Yaah!

Aah!

Hoo!

- Hyah! - Hoo!

My Lord.

Who are you?

The youngest daughter of a family you murdered.

Come drink with me.

No!

Aah!

Sparrow!

Sparrow.

Come on.

Come on. You're going to be okay.

Jade Warlord?

He's dead.

I thank you.

Is there anything you can do?

Her destiny was written by her own hand.

I am sorry.

Traveler...

you have come far, through the Gate of No Gate...

to fulfill the prophecy of the immortals.

What do you desire, please?

I just want to go home.

Ah.

Very well.

It is said master and student...

walk the path side-by-side.

They share their destiny...

until their paths go separate ways.

I'll never forget you.

I guess that's what being immortal truly means.

You freed me, traveler.

Now go free yourself.

Aah!

So what's it gonna be?

You gonna shut up?

Listen, pissant!

I ain't gonna ask you again!

Oh!

Come on, maggot, get up! Come on!

Huh?

You want some more?

You want some more?

Huh? Come on.

We don't have to do this.

Huh!

Take it easy, sir.

You're gonna be fine.

Hop! Hop!

How's he doin'?

It missed his heart. He'll live.

Of course I'll live.

I'm immortal.

Did you return the staff to rightful owner?

I did.

You're the man.

Two, three, lift.

Is he gonna be all right?

Looks like it.

I saw what happened.

I work across the street.

You were very brave.

- See ya. - Yeah.

Absolutely.

And so the legend is told...

that the Monkey King began his journey west...

in search of truth...

while the traveler returned to his world...

to walk the path of the warrior and find his own truth.

As one tale ends...

So another begins.