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- Ow! My foot! - Where do you want me to sit?

- Shh! - Sit on her foot.

- Shh! We're supposed to be hidden.

- Pretty lady. - Boy, look what beautiful glaze she's got on her eyes.

- I'd call that glassy-eyes. - Mmm.

- This one on the end. - Wait a minute.

- I'm not sure who - - Wait a minute.

You're not sure? I thought you knew what you were talking about.

Oh, my God!

- What is it? - She has a big spot on her dress.

Wait a moment. I may have something. Just a minute.

Sorry.

- Nervous, baby?

Here. I'll take care of it. Just a minute, honey.

Looks like a fly. It looks like somebody squashed a fly on your dress.

My God. Look at your sister. Isn't she beautiful?

It's perfect.

- Here we go.

What do you say we stick with -

If you do that one more time I'll break your arm.

Uh, please. Let's not fight.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God...

and in the face of the- this company...

to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony...

- which is an honorable estate -

- instituted of God - - It was a fly.

and therefore is not by any to be entered into...

unadvisedly or lightly...

but reverently, discreetly, advisedly...

soberly and in the fear of God.

Into this holy estate...

these two persons present come now to be joined.

If any man can show just cause...

why they may not lawfully be joined together...

let him now speak...

or else hereafter forever hold his peace.

Her's got a dress like me too!

Dino, wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife...

to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony?

Wilt thou love her, comfort her...

honor her and keep her in sickness and in health...

and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her...

so long as ye both shall live?

I will.

Muffin.

- Muffin. - Oh, uh, Muffin...

wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband...

to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony?

Wilt thou love him, comfort him, honor him...

and keep him in sickness and in health...

and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him...

so long as ye both shall live?

I will.

Who grivets this woman to be married to this man?

Snooks Brenner.

Liam. It's Irish.

Nurse.

- Nurse. - Yes?

- Any sign of them yet? - Of who?

- The wedding party. - Uh, no. No. I don't see them.

Yes.

Here, birdie. Here, bird, bird, bird, bird.

Here, birds. Here, birds.

Mrs. Sloan, what are you doing out of bed?

I told you not to feed the birds. You heard what Dr. Meecham said.

Dr. Meecham's a friend of mine, but he couldn't cure a ham.

- You've been smoking again. - Oh.

- Now, you know it's bad for you. - Yes, Mrs. Sloan.

- Did you ask Randolph to come up and see me? - Yes. He said he'd be right up.

Is the wedding over?

Oh. I'm sure it must be by now, Mrs. Sloan.

- How sure? - Well, it's almost 2:00.

A formal wedding only takes about an hour to perform.

That's ridiculous.

With Bishop Fuddy-Duddy presiding it could take a day and a half.

Poor old dear.

He's been in mothballs for 25 years.

I shouldn't have taken him out.

First we must get the rings for him. Get the rings.

- What? - Get the rings.

- Oh, yes. - The rings. The rings.

And then we turn to the altar.

- Bless - - Bless, O Lord, this ring- these rings -

- That they - - that they may - they who give the- give them - Oh.

I don't believe it. Where are the flowers?

There's all these tables that have no flowers on them. Come on, girls.

This should have been done hours ago.

Will you do up your dress, my dear girl? This isn't a circus. It's a wedding.

Come on. Hurry up. Run, girls. What do you have legs for?

Correct. Correct. Co -

What on earth is this doing on the table? Bloody Mary mix?

Is that what you call a uniform, Randolph?

You look like you're dressed for a picnic.

No, madam. It's just that I haven't had a chance yet to go down and put on my jacket.

- There have been quite a few telephone calls. - That's no surprise.

Randy.

Now, Randy.

I expect you to be on your best behavior today.

And you know what that means.

- Yes, madam. - No conversations with my daughter in front of the guests.

- No, madam. - No whisperings.

Not even looks.

- Now you promise. - Yes, madam.

- The groom takes the ring for the bride. - Huh?

- Groom. The groom takes it.

- Find a way to do this. - There. There you go.

That's good.

- Everything's beautiful, Ingrid. We have plenty of time. - Looks terrific.

You better leave this kitchen as immaculate as you found it.

- Oh, don't worry about it. It'll be - It'll be all right. - It better.

Let me see those birds over there, will you?

Ah. Ah. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Superb.

- Oscar. - Yeah?

I - I think I'm really getting sick, you know.

Oh. Well, come on. Let's get out of this hot kitchen.

Go in the other room where it's cool.

You don't look good at all.

My head is just killing me. I can't see.

- Will that be all, madam? - No.

Please tell the wedding lady to come up to see me.

One drink is one and a half jiggers.

Now, that's not one jigger, and that's not two jiggers. That's one and a half jiggers.

You may get someone who will ask you for a double. You give 'em a double.

A double is two jiggers.

if you see that you don't have enough champagne -

- Miss Billingsley. - Yes?

- Mrs. Sloan would like to see you. Now. - Mrs. Sloan.

Little does Mrs. Sloan realize that Miss Billingsley...

has a thousand and one details to look after.

Here's some more. Don't take pills. Those are the wrong kind of pills.

I don't care what she says. As soon as we get you straightened out, you're going home.

- Take these. These are a lot better. - And go to bed.

They'll really make you feel good.

I should be home and go to bed. I'm dying. I'm really dying.

Mrs. Sloan.

Oh. Mrs. Sloan.

Come here.

It's a lovely wedding.

Hmm. How many guests did we have?

- Guests? - Mmm.

Well, there were no guests, Mrs. Sloan. It was a family wedding. Remember?

The guests are gonna come to the reception.

You want to bet on it?

What about the telegrams?

Were there many regrets?

- Oh, regrets. - Mmm.

Oh. A few.

More than a hundred?

- A few more than a hundred.

I knew it. Oh!

My family!

Bless- God the - God the Father -

God the S - God the Father...

God the Son, God the Holy Ghost.

I pronounce that you - that they are man and wife. Amen.

Amen. You may rise.

- Jesus Christ!

- Jake.

Jake, right here. Jake.

Okay. Um -

- Thank you, God.

Catastrophe.

- Miss Billingsley, she's gone. - Oh, my cake!

Miss Billingsley, she's dead.

She knows about the regrets. Someone must have told her.

Randolph. Randolph, she's gone.

- Gone where? - She's dead.

Dear Mrs. Sloan.

It happened so suddenly, Randolph.

One minute she was fine, then she was dead.

I mean, I've never seen anything like it before.

She just stopped. You know what I mean?

Randolph, nobody's ever died before.

I mean, I've never taken care of a dead person before, Randolph.

What am I supposed to do?

Randolph, what am I supposed to do?

Hello.

Mrs. Corelli.

- Dr. Meecham. - What is it, Randolph?

There's something awfully important I must discuss with you.

- Well, can't it wait? - Sorry, Dr. Meecham. It can't wait. Uh, Dr. Meecham.

Just a minute, Randolph. Bartender.

- Yes, sir. - Give me a double Jack Daniel's on the rocks, and hurry it up.

May I help you? Are you Miss Billingsley? No, no. I'm Mrs. Corelli. I -

Oh, no. Mrs. Corelli is at the church. You see, the wedding isn't over yet.

- Oh, for Christ's sake. - Uh, sir. No. Sir.

Oh, my God. Don't. Please, sir. I could be fired for that, sir.

Miss Billingsley told me not to let anybody pour their own drinks.

- Who are you? - I'm with security.

- Now, what is it, Randolph?

It's Mrs. Sloan, Doctor. I think she's -

- You think what? - I think sh -

I think you ought to see her, Doctor.

I own this house. Randolph -

- Just a minute. - could you please explain to this insane person who I am?

Jules. Jules. Jules.

- I can't believe it. - Let's not touch the car. Look at it.

That's for you, my boy - from your mother and myself.

- Do you like it? - It's great.

- Oh! It's beautiful! - What am I gonna do with the other one?

It's for Muffin. It's for you.

Oh, honey, it's beautiful.

Uh, by yourself. Thanks a lot.

Man, look at that.

Give me some sugar. Mmm!

- You look as pretty as the bride today. You know that?

Let's shoot right here. Okay? No.

- How many rooms you figure they have in there? - No. Let's shoot right here.

A lot of'em. I'll tell you that.

- Do you read? - Take my arm.

Oh, hey, Louie. What kind of car is that?

- A Mercedes. Mercedes, we say. Mercedes-Benz. - Mercedes?

- Mm-hmm. - Now I speak Italian.

As usual, you just missed everything.

Is anybody hearing me? Is anybody getting this?

Oh, will you look at this?

You give me some sugar now, and you go upstairs with the other girls. Oh!

- You're looking pretty too. - Hi.

Welcome to the family, son.

You can call me - Uh, no, don't call me pop.

- Call me Snooks. Okay? - Okay.

What a beautiful wedding.

Yeah. Geez. I haven't been in a church since Tulip and my brother got hitched.

All my marriages were civil.

- Or not so civil. - Occupe.

- I belong to a church group. - Ah?

We do charity work. I do interpretive dancing.

I dance in hospitals and -

Someone's in there, Mrs. Goddard. It's that tall French girl.

uh, prisons and insane asylums.

- That's Victoria. She's not French. She's our cousin. - I really enjoy helping people.

Okay, Sis.

- How does it feel to be father of the bride? - I'm proud.

- Proud as I can be. - Come down to my grotto for some special drinks.

Oh. Wonderful. Thank you.

Grotto. It's like a large Italian sewer...

where the Christians used to hide from the Romans.

- Oh, the woman who went to-That tramp. - Yeah. Yeah.

Honey. Let me go in before you.

Honey, I have got to go to the bathroom so bad, I'm about to pop.

You'll let me go in front of you, right? Oh, I'm sorry.

- Oh, that's all right. I can wait. - Oh, thank you.

- Hello.

Oh! Thank God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, well. Must be -

No. Just - It's gotta be here someplace. Just a minute now, everybody.

- Quiet. No.

Ah! I found it. All right.

No. No. No. Mama first.

This whole thing just isn't gonna work unless you take off that damn wedding ring.

- Cameron'll kill me. - He isn't here.

Besides, he's probably gonna kill you someday anyway for something.

You might as well give him something to kill you for.

- Hey. - Hey! It's the groom.

- Hey, Dino. Can I have a ride in that Mercedes later? - Sure.

- That thing is intense. - Yeah. It's all right.

I wish they would have gotten us the S. L. C. though.

- How come? - It's a four-seater.

What do you want with four seats, Corelli? You have a family we don't know about?

- They say a man's home is his castle.

Amazing how many people go down to the basement to have fun, huh?

- Well, looks like we're going into a torture chamber. - This is my throne room.

- Ah! - Louis, I see you got a new jukebox here.

Uh, where do you put the coin?

What do you think - What do you think of my kingdom?

- Look here. Looks like a cave in here. - It's quite remarkable.

Hey. Speaking of thrones, Louis, is the plumbing still functional?

Hmm? Oh, yes. Of course, Mac. Right around the corner.

This is great, Louie. You got this place fixed up just like a real Italian restaurant.

- No offense. - You have a keen eye, Snook.

This is an exact replica of my favorite cafe in Rome.

- The hell you say. - A link to my heritage.

So, uh, what are you, in the restaurant business in Italy too?

Yeah. You-You might say so.

Where's my gift? It's too big to be mislaid. Did you intercept it?

Now, why would I do a thing like that, darling? Of course not.

I'm sure it'll be along.

I'm gonna go up and see Mother.

Um, Aunt Bea, would you like to come with us?

- Where? - We're going to see Mama.

If that sister of mine wants to see me, she can just walk down those stairs...

instead of receiving callers as though she were some dowager queen.

Look, I don't think it's a good idea if we descend on Mother in droves.

- I'll go up there by myself. - That's silly. Mama loves it -

No, dear. Toni knows best.

This is a beautiful room.

Must be yours and Dino's room.

This is my room. Dino has his own room.

- Oh. I have my own room at home too.

But, um, it's, uh- it's only got one bed in it.

I - I only use one bed.

I'll see you in there when you're finished, okay?

Hi, y'all. Hi, Muffin. How you doin'?

- I feel so much better. - What is this? The line?

- You might say so. - Buffy, you were so beautiful today.

Really. Daddy thought so too.

I want to thank you for being my maid of honor...

'cause, really, we've been able to share the happiest day of my life.

I just hope you can be as happy as I am someday.

I've been thinking about it. Put these down your dress.

- Down my dress? - Trust me. Just, you know, to kind of push yourself up.

Well

what's it like having that little boy you used to take baths with...

all of a sudden be a big old grown married man?

I can't believe it, to tell you the truth.

Hey. I'm sorry about Briggs, Dino. That was a real fish move, wasn't it?

- What happened to him? - Uh, knowing him, he probably got lucky last night.

- Yeah. Knowing him, best man wasn't good enough.

Lemay, the fly.

It was probably a case of sour grapes, Corelli. After all, you took his girl.

- Daphne, I want you to know - - But hide 'em.

- that I kind of know what it's like being a twin. - What are you doing that for?

I'm so close to my brother Hughie, you know?

And I don't want you to ever think that you're losing a twin...

but I want to assure you you're gaining a sister.

- And I hope we can be real close. - Time will tell, I guess.

- Go ahead.

- Excuse me. - Oh, no. That's all right.

- I can wait. - No, no, no. That's all right. You just go right on in.

- Regina, how are you? - Oh, stop fussing, Clarice.

Where did Toni go?

- She went up to see Mama. - But Jules is with her.

Jesus, Nettie.

You couldn't even wait until the party was over.

Dr. Meecham, I thought you would like to break the news to the family.

Hmm? Oh. Oh, uh, yeah.

Yeah. All-All right, uh, Randolph. Uh, I'll take care of it.

Very well, Doctor.

She was feistier than ever this morning, Dr. Meecham.

- I mean, I couldn't even keep her in bed. - That figures.

I was looking at your hair in church. It is beautiful.

- It really is beautiful. - Thank you.

Yeah. I have often thought of going blonde myself...

but I'm kind of scared to bleach it, on account of it might, you know, get straw-like.

But yours looks real natural. Would you mind if I asked you what you use on it?

- Oh. - Oh. I'm - I'm sorry.

That's probably a family secret, isn't it?

Well, listen. Hey. We're all family now anyway.

Lord, your hands are cold.

- Guess it's pretty rotten timing, huh?

It's never good.

- Mother. - Oh, uh, she, uh- She can't talk now, dear.

I'm, uh, taking her temperature.

I'm sorry, Jules. Don't try to speak, darling.

I just wanted you to know that the wedding ceremony was absolutely divine.

And we missed you. How's her temperature, Jules?

- Uh, a little below normal, I think. - Below?

Nothing to worry about, uh, under the circumstances.

Well, I'll stop by later and see you.

- Love and kisses, darling. - Uh, Toni.

I don't think Nettie should have any more visitors just now.

I'd like her to get all the rest she can.

- So, uh, if you'll tell the others. - I know. The poor darling.

She's been under such a strain lately. Don't worry. I'll take care of it.

- Hold the fort until I get back, Janet. - What am I supposed to do?

Don't do anything. Just stay here.

Uh, ashes on your chest.

As far as anyone else is concerned, she's just asleep.

- Gentlemen, shall we toast to the occasion?

To the children and their new life.

- Ah. May they inherit the Earth. - Evviva.

Dear Lord Jesus, we invoke thy spirit on these young people...

as they engage their hearts and minds and bodies in holy matrimony.

- Want some champagne? - Oh, shoot!

Thank you.

- Lemay, the fly. - Excuse me.

- Christ. - He's awfully interested in your fly, isn't he?

Yeah. That faggot's interested in everybody's fly.

Oh, The Fly - Oh. I remember The Fly.

That was a great picture. Uh, David Hedison, Vincent Price.

- I'll see you down there. - Catch you later.

Excellent film. Science fiction -

- Hey, Hughie. - Hi, Hughie. How are you?

- I wonder if he saw us. - Did you see Buffy?

- Oh, she's in looking in the mirror again. - Yeah. Just squish 'em.

- Have you got it? - Naturally. Sure. Buffy.

- Buffy. - Okay. All right. Are you ready to go down?

- I will be. - Well, here he is- the brush boy.

- I forgot my flowers. I'll be right back. - I'm glad you had it.

Guess it's the last time I'll be doing it for you.

Oh, you shouldn't put tap water on your face, hon...

'cause it'll dry your skin out and give you wrinkles.

That's okay. I plan to age interestingly.

Oh. You are cute.

I wish you were my sister-in-law.

- Do you smoke? - No. It - It makes me dizzy.

- Me too. That's why I like it. - Well...

I try to do natural things.

A lot of people in my family died of cancer.

Bye.

They-They-They died of cancer from smoking pot?

- I got a little surprise for Dino.

- A frog. - That's great. Wait.

Between you and me we gotta find out where they're sleeping. Dino and Muffin. Okay?

- What for? - 'Cause we're gonna put the frog in the bed, man.

- All right. Are you with me?

Yeah. I'm with you. That's great. That's great.

Okay.

Okay. All right. Hey. Did you ever hear of a movie called Frogs?

- Frogs? No. - Frogs. It starred Ray Milland. He played this industrialist.

Poor old Briggs. He's really gonna miss out on this one.

He owned all these factories, you see...

and he kept polluting all these rivers and stuff.

- Amen. - Salute.

- To the kids. - [Speaking Italian]

Evviva.

Have either of you acknowledged delivery of a rather large painting?

Negative. I mean, no, ma'am.

Nothing rather large has been delivered.

Well, then, when it arrives I would like to be notified immediately. Thank you.

Hmm. Just look at this workmanship.

- Isn't that interesting? - You can't touch the gifts.

There's no touching the gifts. Would you put it back where you found it, please?

- Thank you. - You don't say. Well...

I'll have you know that I - Oh, never mind.

- Okay, Ma. What's going on? - ... a boy treating his mother like that.

- After all I've done for you. - If you've got a beef with Chris and me...

- we want to hear about it. - I've got a beef. Boy, have I got a beef!.

- All right. We're listening. - You two slept in the same room last night.

If that's the way you want to conduct your lives...

I say fine, but not under the same roof with me.

Are you happy with your work?

Guarding, hiding, sneaking about...

spying on your fellow man?

Such a handsome lad too.

You could be doing something constructive...

working with your fellow man on a farm or a factory.

We need workers in factories.

- And you - Why, you could be having babies. - I like my work.

Well, shame on you then.

Pinko.

Ooh! Don't you sweet-talk me, Kevin Clinton. It won't work.

Mrs. Clinton, please. Listen to him.

Chris is my wife. We were married -

I don't care what -

- Married? - That's right.

- On the way from Boston. We just decided to do it. - Oh!

You big galoot. Why didn't you tell me last night?

- Well, we couldn't. - We didn't want to upstage Dino's wedding, Mom.

- Oh. - May I call you mom, Mom?

Call me Mom!

Who's that man right there? Over there. In the red.

Randolph.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Uh, miss, you're not going to be using lights, are you?

- Clarice. Not now. - Nobody's around.

Listen to me.

Your mother- she died.

Toni'll die when she finds out I heard first.

- You must not let them know. - Mrs. Goddard.

My name is Florence Farmer, and I just wanted to apologize for our conduct at the church.

We'll have these things out of here as soon as possible.

- As soon as you can because the guests are coming. - Absolutely. You look lovely.

Mom's gone. I can't believe it.

Miss Farmer -

- Randolph. - I'm just leaving.

We do not have time for these little jokes.

Darling, I've just been up to see Mother, and she's fine.

But I don't think we ought to visit her any more today. You know, she's tired...

and it's been so much excitement with the wedding and everything.

Shoot up here. Jake.

- Hey, Ms. Goddard. - Regrets.

- Uh, Antoinette. - Oh.

- Toni. We call her Toni. - Oh, well, that's a lot easier.

How's your mama feeling?

I was just telling Clarice. I just went up to see her, and she's fine.

She's resting. But I don't think we ought to go up and call on her.

- No. - No, no. I - I don't think she's -

- She's been under such a strain. All the excitement. - I understand. Certainly.

You know, you're very lucky to still have your mama.

- Mmm. - I lost mine when I was 1 3 years old.

- Oh. - Yeah.

- That's a terrible time for a young girl to lose her mama. - It's hard.

You look like the Jolly Green Giant.

- Green for gardener. Get it? - Green for gardener. Perfect.

- Doctor. - What is it?

- Could you come to the kitchen? We need you in the kitchen. - What for?

- Well, there's a lady back here that's not feeling well. - What seems to be the problem?

Did y'all see that movie, uh, Carrie?

- Movie? No. - It was this, um- this horror film.

And the thing that happened to her in that film happened to me in school.

The exact same thing.

Only hers happened in the gym class...

- and mine, uh, happened in algebra. - Mmm?

- Turned into a woman right there in school. - Oh, my goodness.

- Am I dying, Doctor? - You shouldn't even be out of bed with a fever like that.

I know. I should be home. That's what I said to everybody. I want to go home.

But if you insist, I can give you something that'll keep you on your feet.

No, I don't insist, Doctor. Please, I can't take any more pills.

These won't hurt ya. Get me a glass of water, will you, dear?

- Really. I mean, pink - - These won't hurt you. I take 'em all the time myself.

- But I'm allergic to pink. - I made her a hot toddy, but she won't drink it.

No, no. She shouldn't have any alcohol at all.

- Take the pill, Mrs. Hellstrom. - All right, all right, all right.

Here we go. Everybody on the count of three. One, two and three.

Good. Sir, could you keep your eyes open, please?

- Sir, could you step out of the way? - Who's closing their eyes?

This is just for the ushers. Thank you.

Please. One- Gentlemen, please. One, two and three.

Your, uh, invitation, please, sir.

William Williamson.

Thank you, sir. Walk this way, please.

Let's have this gentlemen move to the front.

Nice smiles. On the count of three. Here we go. One, two and -

Would you like to sign the guest book, sir?

- One, two, three.

- It's a game. - Gentlemen. Gentlemen.

Will you please hold the positions? Fellas.

Mr. William Williamson.

Mrs. Sloan. William Williamson.

No. I'm not Mrs. Sloan. I'm Mrs. Brenner. I'm the mother of the bride.

Oh, congratulations. She's married well.

- Pleased to meet you. - Pleasure to be at a Sloan wedding.

I'm Luigi Corelli. I happen to be the husband of former Miss Sloan.

Oh. I'm sorry my wife isn't here tonight...

but she cut her fingertip off with the rose cutters.

Oh, what a pity.

- Hello. William Williamson. - Uh, Snooks Brenner.

- Right. - Father of the bride.

Chairman of the board.

Oh, Your Eminence.

William Williamson.

Seer.

He took my cane.

And three.

Sir, please. Keep the magazine down. Thank you.

Gentlemen, hold it right there. Just hold it for one more, gentlemen.

- Please, gentlemen. One more. Hold it right there. - All green.

- Thank you. I "rentaled» this. - Oh. Green!

- Hi. I'm Rosie Bean. - Rosie Bean.

- That's my husband Russell over there. - Hello, Russell.

- Um, this is my friend Shelby - - Hi.

and she does not, uh - she left her husband at home.

- She's alone here at the wedding. - Nice to know you, Shelby.

- She's kind of on the loose. - Ah. Good. Good.

That's it, Miss Billingsley.

The last guest.

Flo. Flo.

- Rita. - Help me.

- What's the matter? - Atrocious.

Will you go down the receiving line for me?

- Oh, God. - Take her down the receiving line, Melba.

- Say hello for us, Flo. - Take her down the receiving line...

and see if you can find anyone else who's decent and take them down the line. Oh.

- Hey. You look like you're pregnant. - Seven months.

- Seven months. - I do this a lot.

- Good. Congratulations. Hi. - Corelli.

- You look Italian. - Half.

Half. Yeah. There's a lot of Italians around here.

- Mr. Corleone. Florence Farmer. - Corelli, please.

- Corelli. This is a fine house you have here. - Thank you.

Mrs. Corielli. I'm sorry about the disturbance at the church, but, um -

- We met before. - Oh, yes.

- You look lovely. - Thank you.

- Hi, Clarice. - Florence Farmer, head of the film team.

- Ah. Well, I'm Snooks Brenner. Head of the bride. - Are you all right?

- I spoke to Toni, and Mama's resting. - Congratulations.

- Oh. - I'll go through the goddamn line.

How are you?

How do you do?

Thank you, Russell.

- Isn't she pretty? - Oh, she sure is.

- Nice to see you. - How are you? Russell's my name.

- Luigi. - Louie?

- Louis. - Um, would you go down the receiving line?

- I should be in line. - Yes.

If that sister of mine weren't sick upstairs, she'd be in line, you can be sure.

- Of course. Uh- Oh, why not? - Ah. Great.

How you doin', cowboy?

- Mrs. Godard. - Goddard, darling. Mrs. Goddard.

We've got all stations at alert.

- Terribly sorry to put you through this - - That's all right.

- Would you go through the receiving line? - Of course.

- For the bride. - Come on, Mac. We might as well.

- Well, looks like we'll all do this. - Father.

- Reverend. - Reverend.

- Yes. I'd be happy to. - Oh. Thank you.

- It was a lovely service. - Ingrid Bergman.

- Yes. I'm Giuseppe Garibaldi. - [Speaking Swedish]

Oh, that Swedish cateress.

- I'm your servant. - Aunt Bea.

I don't know how to keep these kids from touching the stuff!.

- I don't like to hit them. Hey! - Don't touch that.

Don't let 'em touch any of the gifts, Koons.

Now, they're just kids. You ought to be able to handle it.

Excuse me. Jeff Kuykendall, chief of security.

- Well, you do a wonderful job. - Thank you.

- Nice to see you. - Everything satisfactory?

- Sure. - It's working.

Can you help me to a bathroom? A private one.

Why don't we go upstairs, sir? Right this way. Follow me.

- I just saw Mother, and she's fine. - Follow me, Bishop.

I think you'll have more privacy upstairs here.

Crowd control is always a problem in my line of work.

Especially when you get 300 or 400 people trying to use the same bathrooms.

You get potential - Excuse me, sir.

Didn't mean to run off and leave you like that.

- Lean on me, Bishop. Take my arm. - No, no.

You think I'm weak or something?

Want to do it yourself. I admire that, sir.

You just set your own pace. I'll stay with you this time.

Very nice to see you.

You go ahead. You go ahead. I can do this.

This is Kuykendall here.

Uh, I'm going up to the second floor with the bishop.

Uh, Abernathy, you better fill in for me. I may be up here longer than I expected.

- Doin' fine, sir. - Nice to see you.

Anytime you want to stop and rest, you just give me a signal.

There we go. Just a few more.

Hi there, pretty lady.

- That, uh, sounds like a line. - Well, it is.

Well, I like it. I like it.

Here you go, sir.

Best bathroom in the house.

Enjoy your day.

Go on.

No. Actually, I'm, um - I'm the sister of the father of the bride.

- Marge Spar. Glad to meet ya. - Marge.

I'm - I'm Jim Habor, and I'm an architectural, um -

No. Actually, I'm the- I'm the gardener around here, and I just kind of -

- Ah. Hey. The gardener. That's terrific. - What? Really?

Yeah. You know what? My, uh - My second husband- His name was Jim too.

- Jim? - Yeah. He couldn't mow the goddamn lawn.

I know the feeling.

Yes, Jules? What is it?

It's Nettie, Luigi. She's gone.

Yeah. It happened just before we got back.

[Speaking Italian]

[Italian] She planned this.

- [Italian] - In English, Luigi. English.

- Of all times, now? - It's never a good time.

The fact remains that somebody's gotta tell the rest of the family.

Oh, no, Jules. Not now, for God's sake.

We'll do nothing. We say nothing.

- Well, they have to know sometime. - Jules.

I have to see you right away.

I'll - I'll be there in a minute, Regina.

Her mother's lying upstairs dead.

Please, Jules. Let me handle this.

I'll tell Regina after you've seen her.

Ladies and gentlemen, we will follow tradition.

The first dance will be danced by the bride and the groom together to their favorite song.

And then the F.O.G. will cut in and dance with the bride while the groom dances with the M.O.B.

Then the F.O.B. will cut in and dance with his daughter...

while the F.O.G. will cut in on his son and dance with the M.O.B.

And then- and only then, ladies and gentlemen - may you commence to dance.

And now, for their very first dance together as man and wife...

the new Mr. and Mrs. Corelli.

- Melba. - Where are they?

- What are they doing in the hall, Melba? - I don't -

Get them!

Oh, I love a good wedding. I went to a lollapalooza last week.

They had 2 4 white doves, you know, and this great big canopy for the bride and groom...

but there was a time delay, and 24 dead birds fell on the bride and groom.

Oh, they're coming. Here they come.

- Just go ahead and dance. Yes. The first dance.

- Get a load of this.

- Good Lord. Uh - - Hugh.

Hughie. What are all those?

It's nothing. They're just some pills.

- You're not sick, are you, dear? - No, it's okay. I have to take them all the time.

What on earth for?

Epilepsy.

- Jules. - Hmm?

Jules, isn't epilepsy something you can inherit?

Damned if I can remember, my dear. I must have missed that class.

But, uh, I can look it up for you.

- Who has epilepsy? - That boy. Muffin's younger brother.

Ingrid.

- Ingrid.

Please. You're spoiling everything.

You're spoiling everything. Please don't spoil everything.

Did you pick this song?

No. But that must have been why they were asking me about it.

I saw it on TV last week, and I was just saying how much I like Jennifer Jones...

'cause she has such pretty teeth.

You look so beautiful on this, uh...

saddest of all occasions.

You know?

Of course I know.

I wish she'd waited.

She was alone.

Alone? Well - Well, we are all alone.

You know, parallel lines. Parallel lines.

I guess one can't ever prepare oneself...

for one's parent's death.

Mama and I were very close.

I was- I was her favorite.

Your mother is dead? Gone? Bye-bye?

We're the only ones who know.

Death is a horseman.

Death is a thief in the night.

Death is a four-letter word.

What?

Excuse me. Mrs. Brenner. You're next.

- Oh, is it time for the M.O.B.? - It is.

So, Muffin, you happy?

Oh, I'm very happy. I love Dino very much.

Love him. That's good. Only don't spoil him too much.

You know, it can be difficult for someone in his situation.

Second generation of all of this.

- God, he's dreamy. - Oh, Italians always are.

How do you think he got so rich?

Well, Russell says that he is mafioso for sure...

- and Russell's never wrong about things like that. - Yeah. You really think so?

- Well, whatever Russell says goes in my household. - Hmm.

Hey. Hey. You see that gal over there? The bridesmaid.

That's, uh, Daphne, I think.

- No. The one next to her. The one with the bangs. - The one with the real red lips.

Yeah. You got it. Yeah. You know who that is? Do you think she looks like me, huh?

- That's my kid sister. - No.

- Yeah. - Well, I knew you had a sister here.

- Oh, go on. That's my daughter. - Your daughter?

- Mmm. - No. I don't believe that.

- What is your secret? - Aw.

Well, I guess we have the Drummond Military Academy to thank for all of this, don't we?

You know, when-when we first moved right next to the military academy...

Snooks was really kind of worried about it, because he -

he kept saying that he thought maybe some of you boys would be a bad influence on our girls.

Well, I just put my foot down, and I said...

"Snooks, any boy who is willing to go through that kind of discipline...

"and who has that kind of patriotism...

"to go to a military academy nowadays...

well, he's worthy of either one of my girls.«

Yeah. Drummond's okay. I mean, after I got kicked out of my last school...

most of the other schools wouldn't even take me.

- Hi. - Fine.

Must be really fascinating to be a twin.

Interesting. I think the thing that interests me the most is how...

incredibly different two people can be...

- that shared the same womb.

- Do you hear a frog?

What's the matter?

- I thought I heard a frog. - What?

- Croaking.

No. It must have been the trumpet player. Missed a note.

- Did you hear a frog? - No. I didn't hear anything. No.

- Mac! - It wasn't me. It wasn't me.

- Mr. Brenner, you're next. - Oh.

- Oh. No, no, no, no. Goodness, no. - Oh.

- What's the matter? - I'm sorry. No, no. With the bride.

- Oh. Not yet. Not yet, Buffy. - I'm sorry.

- I have to dance with Muffin right now. - Sorry. I thought you understood.

You look great.

If you weren't my mother, I would have asked you to marry me.

Oh, sweetheart. I want you to be really happy.

I'm happy. I'm always happy.

I know.

Don't you find it a little cold in here?

- This is my kind of music. - Well, I don't know who picked it.

They thought it was my favorite, and it isn't.

Well, it's in the family. It's Buffy's favorite.

- I told them that. - Oh.

- The last should be the first. - What?

Well, it's a serious matter. A sister's a sister, even if she's dead.

Sister? My sister's dead?

You got it, comrade.

- You're drunk. - Impossible. I never drink.

Miss, please. Why don't we take a little walk?

- Why not? - Right this way.

Oh. Here you are, you old sinner.

Ah. Thought I couldn't make it up those stairs, didn't you?

Dear good Lord, that was quite a climb.

Playin' possum, huh?

Well, let me tell you, Nettie, you don't fool me.

I know you wanted a quickie service.

No frills, no fancy ceremony.

Well, I'm here to tell you, old fox...

your granddaughter -

No. Grandson. Yeah. Your grandson got the bishop's best today.

I didn't miss a cue.

I haven't done a wedding in fif -

25 years.

Well, Mrs. Know-It-All, you'll come around.

And I'll be at the gate to let you in when it's your turn.

Just remember. I've got 25 years on you.

And - And I always will have.

- Who the devil are you? - Oh. I'm just the nurse, Your Honor.

- Well, don't you believe in knocking on doors, young lady? - Yes.

- Yes, Your Honor.

Uh, what? Oh. She says she's your nurse.

Well, never mind. Uh, I've got what I wanted here.

Uh, see you in church, old girl.

- What the hell is that? - That's a glass of milk.

Stuff'll kill ya.

Dr. Meecham, as a physician, you should know that the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.

- You mean you don't drink? - No.

In other words, when you get up in the morning, that's as good as you're gonna feel all day.

- May I cut in? - Oh, sure.

Jules, for God's sake, what are you trying to do to me?

- Shall we go to your room? - Oh, yes, please.

Excuse me, big fella.

- All right. - Hello.

Nice place you got here. Yes, sirree.

What a- a place like this run you on the open market?

- Well, I really wouldn't have any idea. - Oh.

- You all live here together, do ya? - No, no.

Just my sisters and Luigi live here with Mother.

- Mac and I live in Palm Beach. - Oh, I hear that's nice.

- I understand Frank Sinatra lives there. - No. That's Palm Springs.

Oh, right.

- Hey, you. - You have got lipstick on your collar.

- Well, I was dancing with that - - Let me see your mouth.

- Look at that mouth. - Oh, get out of here.

- Let's you and I dance now. - Oh. Okay.

Well, how you doin', sweet thing?

You staying away from the champagne?

Well, I had just about a half of a glass to take my pills with.

But it's okay. I - I promise I won't -

Hughie, you know better than that.

Mama -

- May I have the honor of this dance? - Oh. Mr. Goddard.

- Mackenzie. - Uh, could I dance with my sister, mister?

I'm sorry.

You know, I - I have always been embarrassed by the fact that I can't dance. I -

Of course, back home in Louisville...

we don't have much occasion to, except for the socials at my brother's church.

And then, of course, that's mostly square dancing.

I - I hope- I hope you don't mind my asking you to dance...

but I find you devilishly attractive.

Thanks. I -

What do you do down there in - what is it- Palm Springs?

- No. Palm Beach. - Palm Beach. You go out on the beach and get a tan, do you?

- No. I have my own business. - Oh, yeah? What do you do?

I design maids' uniforms.

- Do you like older women?

- Well-

I like my mom a lot.

My husband, Snooks, is a marvelous dancer.

You kn - He's a regular Fred Astaire.

You ought to see him and our oldest daughter Buffy dance together.

Well, I tell you, they get out there...

and they just glide around that floor like they were Siamese twins.

It is absolutely beautiful.

Pretty good yourself.

- S-Something I ate.

- Lemay, what are you -

- Are you all right? - Did you bring that damn frog up here?

- No, sir. - You stand up straight. Did you -

- No, sir. - Get rid of that thing right now. Go on.

- Yes, sir. - You put that thing loose in the garden. Oh, I'm so sorry.

- I'm so sorry. - Why do you think he has a frog with him?

- Well, it's a long story. I just - - Oh!

- My God. I could just cut my foot off. - Oh, no.

Oh, I'm sorry. Come over here. Sit down.

Your beautiful wife, Antoinette, tells me that, uh, you are an art collector.

I think that's just wonderful.

I love art.

Of course, I don't know too much about it, but I do know I love looking at pictures.

I think it would just be wonderful to be able to collect it like that.

You certainly don't look like an art collector.

Well, you know, if, uh...

you were walking down the street and somebody pointed you out...

and asked me what I thought you did, and I didn't know you...

I would never in a million years guess art collector.

You could go on What's My Line? and stump the panel.

I can't wait any longer, Tulip. There's something I must say to you.

Well, of course. You go right ahead. My goodness.

I've just been rattling on and on, and I haven't given you a chance to say one word.

You just go right ahead.

I love you, Tulip.

Now, I don't think that's very funny, Mr. Goddard.

I know it sounds insane...

but I've never felt like this about anybody else before in my life.

I'm an intelligent, well-educated man, Tulip...

but I know myself, and I know my heart.

There are four billion people on this planet.

When I saw you in church, our love chemistry clicked on.

- And I just can't deny the fact that I'm - - Oh. Oh, no.

- I've fallen hopelessly in love with you, Tulip. - Oh, don't. Please.

I know. I know. Please. Please. I know it's brash, and it's foolhardy.

- It makes no sense at all.

I know that, Tulip. But it's real.

- I can't help myself. - Oh, no. Don't.

I have to be with you. I want to be with you and touch you and -

- Oh! - feel you -

- Oh! - speak to you.

Please don't go. Please. Don't- Don't go. We-We could meet.

- We could meet later. - Oh!

Jules, hurry up.

I feel so awful. I feel so cold.

It'll just be a minute, dear.

Luigi saw me. You know how upset he gets me when he sees me like this.

And everybody saw me. I know they noticed.

All the people. Why'd you do it? You're not indispensable, you know.

This is no question of money.

Ouch. Oh, I can't get used to that damn needle after all these years.

All the people.

- There you are.

And the wedding.

We haven't had a wedding here for years. A wedding. Oh.

Jules. Did you notice Daphne?

- Who? - Daphne.

- She was the prettiest of them all. - Oh.

Well, come on now. Come on.

Let's get down there before they miss us.

There's a party, you know.

Oh, I'm sorry. You can't come in here. Mrs. Sloan is sleeping.

Tulip. Are you looking for a bathroom?

Here. I'll show you. Come on. You can use mine.

- Jesus, Janet. What the hell are you doing out here? - Straight ahead.

You're supposed to be in there with Nettie.

I know, Doctor, but I just had to have a cigarette...

- and you know she doesn't like me to smoke in there. - Yeah. Sure. Yeah.

Gotta keep those ashes off your chest.

Jules, come and join the party.

- Lovely woman, isn't she? - Who?

- Tulip. - Yeah. Well, she didn't look like she was feeling too well.

I thought she looked lovely.

- Dino. - Huh?

- I'm pregnant. - What?

I'm going to have a baby.

Huh. That's great.

- What do you want me to do about it? - Well, you're the father.

- Asshole.

Whoa. Whoa!

Hey! Hold it! You can't go thr -

I got it, Burns!

All right, son, you wanna show me some identification?

Whoa, this is some getaway car here.

Come on. Ho.

Who was that son of a bitch on the driveway with the goddamn motorcycle?

- Briggs, dear. - Regina.

- Must be a guest. - What happened to you?

I'm sorry I'm late. I spent the night in jail.

- Ohh! Are you all right? - Oh, Toni, I'm so sorry I missed the wedding.

- I had a terrible fall - - Hello, Tracy. Welcome, dear.

- I had a terrible fall on Noteworthy this morning. - Jules! Come here!

- I want you to look at her. - I'm really much better now.

But I was out for about five hours.

- We went on a short hunt. I was trying to exercise his leg - - Hi, Tracy.

- Hi, Dr. Meecham. - I think it'd be a good idea if you examined her.

- Can you do it here? - Did you have a little fall?

- Yes, I - - Let's have a look at it.

I stopped off at that tournament yesterday at Lake Airdale.

Stopped at a restaurant and some kids ripped me off- money, license, I. D. , everything.

And cut my clutch cable. So I called the cops.

They put a run on me and found a warrant out for a guy named Briggs.

- Spent the night in jail. - Lovely.

Come and join the party.

Take a - Take a deep breath, huh?

Now, hold it.

Now let it out slowly. Good.

- I'm really all right - - You had a - a leaf on your chest.

Oh. Anyway, I want to apologize because I was so flattered to be invited -

Now, look at my finger, dear. Look at my finger.

- I saw you in the lineup. - Hi, Uncle Jim.

- She's all right. - See? I'm really fine.

You're the Tracy I've heard so much about?

- You must be Muffin. - Yes. I'm Muffin Corelli.

So, Muffin...

I've heard a lot about you too.

When do your braces come off?

Oh, and by the way, congratulations.

You two make an interesting couple.

Where is Dino anyway? I've gotta congratulate him.

Hey, that was quite a story.

This is quite an occasion. Son of a bitch. So you really went and did it, huh?

Hey.

- Couldn't stay away, huh? - On my roomie's big day? No way. Did I miss anything?

Oh, not really.

Except Buffy just told me she's pregnant.

- You've gotta be kidding. - Ha-ha.

No. But I hope she is.

- Well, it wasn't me.

- She says it's me. - Well, was it?

- Dino! - Tracy.

- Congratulations! - Thanks.

- Thank you. - Sorry I missed the wedding.

She has many talents...

and she is a genius when it comes to things to eat -

- That's a lot better than braces, now, isn't it?

What happened?

It's here! Everyone into the gift room!

Muffin! Dino! Into the gift room!

Let's go see the gift.

Everyone into the gift room, ladies and gentlemen!

- Stay right here till the room clears.

Well, so you're Tracy, huh?

- Yeah. Who are you? - Wilson Briggs.

- The roommate! Oh. - Mm-hmm.

- Ex-roomie. - Ah.

- You ruined my entrance. - You didn't help mine a whole lot.

How'd you know who I was?

- You were Dino's pin-up girl for a couple years. - Before Little Miss Muffet, huh?

- Before and during. - Oh, you know her, then?

You might say so. She was my girl when it all began.

Really?

- Mm-hmm. - Well, join the club.

Tulip, Tulip, my precious Tulip.

Oh, please. Please don't. Please d -

My sweet, my treasure, my baby.

Dino's off to a good start - he's knocked up her sister, Buffy.

- What? - The maid of honor.

- No shit! - Of course, I'm telling you this in the strictest confidence.

Oh, absolutely. Why would I wanna tell anybody?

My love for you is like a shrine.

I could kneel before you till all eternity.

Don't you understand that this is absolutely wrong -

Oh, my God. Please get up.

You must get up. You're making a spectacle of yourself.

- I don't care. - Oh, but I do.

All right, look, we've got to meet. We need some time.

Meet?

- I can't meet you. - I've got it!

The perfect place is the greenhouse. We'll be alone there.

- The what? - The greenhouse.

You take this path out the side door and it leads right to it.

- You can't miss it. - I am sorry!

You must excuse me! I have to go mix!

- I'll meet you there in five minutes. - No!

- It's too soon. - Ten minutes.

Come on, Buffy, honey, come on.

Let's go see all your sister's gifts.

As some of you may have been aware, I have been very impatient most of the day...

awaiting the arrival of my gift for Dino and Muffin...

on this, their wedding day.

Well, it's here...

and I wanted everyone to share in the presentation...

as it is a very special interpretation of Muffin...

by a very important socialist-minded young artist...

Raoul Benton.

- He calls it Bride for the People.

- Lovely. Lovely! - All right, Muffin!

- A socialist Botticelli. - What the hell is going on here?

Did you pose for that? You'd better say no.

- What kind of a present is that anyway? - Daddy, I didn't pose for it.

It's just a picture from my yearbook!

- Somebody cover that up! - What the hell is the big uproar?

Hey, Snooks, hell, all you gotta do is get some guy...

to paint a goddamn bikini on the goddamn thing!

Ladies and gentlemen, we will now proceed to the cake room.

- Miss Billingsley, we cannot. These people are hungry. - Melba, do as I say!

The food will be spoiled!

Y'all wanna go to the cake room?

I'll set an example now. Here I go. We're going to the cake room.

- I'm sorry. - That's crazy.

- I-I'll meet you in there. - Okay.

- How's it going, Daph? - Great, Trace.

That brother of yours sure is full of surprises, isn't he?

- That's right. - I just found out another one.

- You wanna know what it is? - Sure.

Well, it seems that he's impregnated your sister-in-law, Buffy.

Oh, excuse me.

- I wish I was stoned.

My God, Aunt Bea!

Now, don't start, Antoinette.

I have certain ideals...

that are far more important to me than mere conventions or -

Oh, forget that radical nonsense.

How can you ignore the fact that our family has money?

Which, by the way, I notice you manage to live off of very comfortably...

despite your egalitarian views.

And as far as the common masses are concerned...

I'm the one who has a factory that employs over 300 people.

300 fascist cowards who fled their land rather than fight.

300 refugees from an egocentric, maniacal but attractive dictator.

- 300 - - There's no point in arguing. We're not gonna get anywhere.

Here's to tonight.

Right-Who?

- Your wedding night. - Ah. Okay.

Don't do that, sir.

This is my daughter, and I'm covering it up.

Look, I never punched no woman, but if you force me to -

Sir, I don't want to have to neutralize you.

Damn it.

- Excuse me.

My dearest Tulip, how wonderful you came.

Yes, I-I did.

I came for one reason only, and that was to tell you we have got to stop meeting like this.

- But, Tulip, I - - No, please. Please.

Please, just - just hear me out.

I am thrilled and flattered by all the nice things you have been saying -

I'm in love with you, Tulip.

Like that one.

But we-we can't go on like this.

Don't you understand? You-You have to stop.

Not until you answer this one question.

I must hear "I love you» come out of your mouth.

Right now that's the most important opening in your body.

Could you love me?

Oh, please. Oh, God, please don't. Please just leave me alone.

I must hear it from your lips, one way or the other.

Yes.

- I'm so scared.

I know, I know, my dearest.

Life is a frightening experience...

and love is even worse.

My legs are shaking.

I won't let you fall, Tulip. I'll never let you fall.

- Oh, please, not now.

- Hello, Aunt Tulip!

- Oh. - That's a lot of broken glass.

I've been looking for my earring.

Why don't you help us find it. Think you could? First one to find it gets a quarter.

Make that a hundred dollars.

- Roll sound. - All right.

Come, tesoro, sit down.

Listen, I brought you here...

because there is something you must be told...

and I would like to be the one to tell you.

- Now - - I haven't been bad, have I?

- Of course not, darling. - I've been all right?

You've been marvelous, as always.

Thank you, Aggie. It was lovely. That's enough.

It was a table in the sunlight. Do you remember?

- Yes, yes. - Remember when we first met?

- We sat near the sidewalk in the sun - - Tesoro.

- Tesoro, are you with me? - Yes.

- Do you know where we met? - No, you're not.

- We met in Rome with Toni and Clarice.

And then you came over to us...

and I ordered more and more food just so I could talk to you.

- Sure. - I didn't know what I was ordering.

- Do you know mademoiselle only taught us French? - Mm-hmm.

And Mama got very annoyed.

What a funny little thing you were.

And you fell in love with me right then.

- The moment you saw me.

I shall never forget paying your waiter to let me replace him.

And then -

May I, madam?

- Your humble busboy. - Thank you.

Then that first letter from you.

And we had two beautiful children.

Mm-hmm.

And I asked Mama if you could come to America.

And she- No.

No. No, she let you come here.

And then we had the twins.

That's right. That's right.

You must remember that letter.

You told me the first thing you did coming back to your country...

was to have a blood test...

to make sure...

you didn't contract any disease.

And then I was allowed to join you.

- You kept your promise all these years. - Mmm.

- You kept your promise to Mama, didn't you? - I sure did.

You're a good man, Luigi. So good.

And, I'd say, an understanding one.

I must have loved you very much, because -

because that was a very peculiar thing to do, wasn't it?

- It was worth it, wasn't it? - Yes.

All the pain. All those horrible pains when I had the twins.

I gave you a son. I did. Didn't I?

Yes. But listen now, tesoro -

And now he's married. Dino's married.

- I must talk to you - - My son.

- [Sighs] Now, Regina - Regina - - It was worth it, wasn't it?

- I must talk to you. - I haven't done anything wrong, have I?

- No, I told you - - I can't help it.

It wasn't my fault. You know that.

Nobody noticed. I promise you. Nobody noticed. Nobody saw it.

Let's go - Let's go back now.

- We can't. We can't go back. - Why?

You used to think I was beautiful.

Ladies and gentlemen...

marriage is the single most important event in a lifetime.

The interests of the community and of nature...

fuse at this moment...

though they so often conflict during the rest of man's life.

Now, there are certain accepted customs which one must observe.

Some because they involve social and economic factors -

Reverend, I'm surprised to find you interested...

in such mundane matters as cakes.

- Oh, Mrs. Goddard, I was not always a servant of the Lord. - Oh?

The first 20 years of my life I spent mired in sin.

I drank. I smoked. I danced.

I did every kind of physical indulgence that you can think of.

And then one night...

I was in a Holiday Inn in Arcadia, West Virginia...

in bed with somebody...

and I decided to watch television.

So I got up, turned it on and laid back down, waiting for it to warm up.

Well, there was no picture.

And instead of the regular sound...

the voice of God came to me from that TV set...

and it said, "David-»

And I trembled, 'cause I knew who it was.

And I said, "Yes, Lord?»

- And the voice said, "Enough is enough.

So I got right up out of bed, drove right back to Kentucky...

and I found the woman that I had impregnated and deserted...

and married her, of course.

This is my lovely wife, Candice.

Then, about five months later, we had our son, Matthew...

and he's living proof of our sin.

- How utterly amazing.

God bless you, Mrs. Goddard.

Now, do not attempt to bring the blade down like a lever.

One straight thrust, followed by a series of similar thrusts.

I think the cake should have been chocolate.

Briggs.

I have something for you.

Where have you been?

- How could you leave me alone this long? - Clarice!

There's a lot for me to do. I promised your mother before she died -

We can get married. We can live here.

Car keys and the marriage certificate.

You are the best man. I was only standing in for you.

- So these are your responsibilities. - Okay, I'll take care of it.

We can't live as man and wife in this house. W-W-We just can't.

Society did not accept Luigi. They're not gonna accept me.

We have something that is very special.

Clarice, let's not ruin it by trying to improve it.

Isn't it beautiful? Aren't you proud?

What the hell is the matter with you?

Beautiful? That damn painting is an insult to our whole family.

- Painting?

It sure as hell ain't nothin' to be proud of, unless you got your head screwed on backwards.

- Well, I am sorry. - That's true. You're the sorriest woman I ever seen.

And now, ladies and gentlemen...

I would like to call upon a very special guest -

a most distinguished clergyman...

the spiritual adviser of the Sloan family...

- and of the Corelli family for so many years...

Bishop Martin.

Would you honor us with a blessing?

- What's she talking about? - She wants you to bless the bride and groom.

I already did that!

Oh, it would be wonderful, Bishop. Truly, it would.

Ohh- Nobody said anything about a blessing.

Thank you.

A-Always calling on me to -

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...

- to welcome the coming together...

of two young people, Dino and... Muffin...

- in the sacred bond of holy matrimony.

- Blow, wind, blow!

Come on. The wind is getting stronger. Let-Let -

Let's go to my grotto! This way!

Proceed in an orderly fashion to the basement!

- To the basement! - Do not push! Please don't panic!

There's no need to panic!

- Down here to the grotto. - All bodies to the basement!

- Don't be hysterical. - It goes up! Baby, then it comes down!

Oh, my God. I think we have a hysterical woman here!

All right, single file! Do not run! Do not push!

- Careful! It's fine!

Do not panic!

- You have to go to the cellar! - I'm going up to see Mother. I'll be down in a minute.

- Crushed between!

Lord, that seems like it's going to be quite a st -

Can you believe it? I've missed you already.

Mackenzie. You shouldn't be in the ladies' room.

Tulip, my dearest.

Oh, Mackenzie.

Mackenzie, we're-we're just being so foolhardy.

All able-bodied male volunteers - You! You!

We must go on meeting the rest of our lives.

- Huh? Just- Just a minute!

Mrs. Brenner, I'm sorry. This is an emergency.

Everyone must go down to the cellar immediately. We have an impending tornado.

- I'll just check this room. - No. Someone's in there. You can't go in there.

- But I must! - No, uh, you can't. They're-They're sick.

They're-Yeah.

- Would you please hurry up. - Come on! Hurry up!

This is an emergency. Everyone must go down to the cellar.

And I have to use these facilities.

Could you help me? I seem to have lost my earring someplace.

I can't find it anywhere.

- Go to the cellar and wait - - No, I can't go down without my earring.

- My husband would kill me. - I'm sure we'll find it.

- We can always find another earring. - Not like this.

- Wait a minute. Is that it under your foot?

- Oh! Did you hear that? - What?

- That noise. - Oh, it's thunder.

Of course.

- Did you lose an earring too? - No.

Then how come you got your hand over your ear?

Ladies, there's a tornado. I urge you to follow me to safety in the cellar.

Oh, will you please look after that person?

- Ladies and gentlemen!

Ladies and gentlemen, quiet!

Quiet! May I have your attention, please?

Ladies and gentlemen, this is an emergency!

- Quiet, everybody!

Ladies and gentlemen, I will be passing out among you...

aromatic ammonia capsules...

for inhalation only...

to prevent or treat fainting.

- God!

Nurse! Nurse!

- Nurse! - Yes?

- Where's Dr. Meecham? - Uh, Dr. Meecham?

I think he went, uh, uh -

You looking for me, Toni?

Jules, it's Mother. I think she's -

I'm sorry, Toni.

I'm afraid she's gone.

I just came in here to check on her.

She smiled, kind of waved at me...

and I thought she was saying "hello".

It was good-bye.

Now, Jules,you just calm down.

I'll take care of everything.

Now, you go down and look after Regina. She needs you.

Regina. Yeah.

And don't tell her!

I want to be the one to tell the family.

Tulip, listen to me. There is something you have got to know.

- Candice, lay off. All right? - It is important!

This is a family crisis. It's horrible.

What on earth are you talking about?

Brace yourself, Tulip.

Buffy is impregnated by Dino.

What are you saying?

I know it sounds awful, but it is true.

Your daughter is carrying Dino's baby.

My -

Is that all?

Tulip Ruteledge Brenner.

Candice, I think it's awful sweet of you to want to bring me this news...

but I just don't see anything to get that excited about.

Children are walkin' down the aisle pregnant every day of the week.

These are new times. We are living in a restless age. That's all.

Let's not let the inclemency of this weather deprive us of peace.

- What the hell happened to you? - I was in the powder room.

Join me in singing "Heavenly Sunlight." Okay?

Heavenly sunlight Heavenly sunlight

Flooding my soul with glory divine

Heavenly sunlight Heavenly sunlight

Hallelujah Jesus is mine

Tulip, join us.

Heavenly sunlight Heavenly sunlight

Flooding my soul with glory divine

Heavenly sunlight Heavenly sunlight

- Hallelujah, Jesus is mine - Marge and Russell and Snooks and Rosie!

Heavenly sunlight Heavenly sunlight

Flooding my soul with glory divine

Heavenly sunlight Heavenly sunlight

- Hallelujah, Jesus is mine - Violin, play for us.

- Heavenly sunlight Heavenly sunlight

Flooding my soul with glory divine

Heavenly sunlight Heavenly sunlight

Hallelujah Jesus is mine

Oh, good. The trumpet.

- Heavenly sunlight Heavenly sunlight

Flooding my soul with glory divine

- Heavenly sunlight - Jesus.

- Heavenly sunlight - Looks like the last 1 0 days of Hitler.

- Hallelujah Jesus is mine

I - I have an aunt - My Aunt Ina -

She lives in Tallahassee.

Tallahassee? That's not very far from where I live in Palm Beach.

I know. And it's been a real long time since I paid her a visit.

Tallahassee? Sounds like heaven.

Well, then do you -

Heavenly sunlight Heavenly sunlight

- Flooding my soul with glory divine - This oughta give you a lift.

- Okay. Fill 'er up. - Dino, come on.

- What? - Are you all right?

- I'm fine.

Oh, my God!

You stepped on my other foot!

Course, you could always have "Ramrod" Reedley Roots stand in for you.

- Maybe Muffin's painting turned him around. - Reedley?

- I wouldn't bet on it. - Why? What's wrong with him?

- Hallelujah, Jesus is mine - He's gay.

- Shit. - Heavenly sunlight

- Ooh. You never told me that.

Tell me where.

Well, uh, there's a...

small motel right across from the Dairy Queen.

Dairy Queen. That sounds perfect.

- When, Tulip? When can we meet?

Oh, God, Mackenzie.

Tulip, tell me when we can meet.

Two weeks from tonight, 6:00.

Oh, rapture!

- Two weeks from tonight? It's done.

Hallelujah God is mine

Heavenly sunlight

See? I bent my antenna hitting one of those kids.

I could have used that the other day.

All right, men, we got ourselves a little outside- Get that out of my face.

- I'm instituting emergency room closure procedures. - Gotcha, chief.

Powder room is secure.

We are now entering the hallway -

Red alert. Unidentified person in the gift room. Possible "B" and "E".

You've got a what?

Well, handle it, Redford! You're trained to handle those things!

Lombardo, reconnoiter.

[Speaks Italian] Corelli.

Luigi! Luigi!

Heavenly sunlight Heavenly sunlight

Flooding my soul with glory divine

Heavenly sunlight Heavenly sunlight

Hallelujah Jesus is mine

Heavenly sunlight Heavenly sunlight

Flooding my soul with glory divine

Heavenly sunlight Heavenly sunlight

Hallelujah Jesus is mine

- Excuse me.

- I know you probably don't smoke, but do you have a cigarette? - Oh! Of course.

Which would you like? Tobacco for your lungs...

or a mind for your dreams?

Hallelujah Jesus is mine

- Heavenly sunlight Heavenly sunlight

- You're gonna be all right.

Good work, Redford, Lombardo.

- Momentito. - He's a foreigner, all right.

- Here's his passport. - Momento.

- Gotta clean you up real good. - [Speaking Italian, Weeping]

"Dino Corelli"?

Well, how do you do. We've got an impostor on our hands.

- Take it easy. Oh, that's not necessary.

- Brother - - Hold it. Hold it.

- Let me see that. - Please don't interfere with this investigation, son.

- We're experts in these matters. - Are you?

Well, Mr. Expert Investigator...

I'll have you know that this Dino Corelli...

happens to be the brother of Mr. Luigi Corelli...

your employer.

- What? - That's right, you bloody idiot.

But I'm gonna let you explain this personally to Mr. Corelli.

- Wait a minute - - Stupid fool.

Jesus Christ.

Shit, shit, shit!

Ladies and gentlemen, the bride has announced to her bridesmaids...

that she's going upstairs to change her clothes.

Now, halfway up the stairs she tosses her bridal bouquet to the bridesmaids...

Mr. Corelli, there's a bit of a problem.

to symbolically epitomize the virginal state from which she is departing.

[Speaking Italian] It's impossible.

In the laundry.

The bouquet is almost always made of white flowers.

Buffy is impregnated.

Impregnated?

What the hell is the matter with you? Are you nuts?

I swear to God it's true, Snooks.

The whole family knows.

- Well, who did it? - Dino!

It was Dino that did it.

That's what everyone's sayin'.

- Jesus Christ.

David, get our people together. As soon as this is over, we're gonna have a family meeting.

Of course, in the strictest of old-fashioned weddings...

only unmarried girls could be bridesmaids.

So may I just suggest to those of you bridesmaids who are married...

not to attempt to catch the bouquet.

I have a great idea.

Oh, Miss Farmer! Come on!

Maybe you'll be the lucky one.

You wouldn't have to work so h - Oh, dear, I'm very sorry.

This is for unmarried females. I saw a ring.

Oh, the lady with the horse. You step right in here now. Get right in the front.

- I'm sure the bride will be very happy to see you. - Oh, I'm sure she will.

- Are we ready? - Uh, just about.

Settle down, girls, and good luck.

- All right, Rita. - Who's going to be the lucky girl?

- Ohh! - Oh, my -

Oh, it's Flo Farmer!

Wonderful! Wonderful!

Yes!

I told her to go over there -

Should we go to the greenhouse now?

- Test your reflexes. - Where is he?

- [Dino Wailing] - [Speaks Italian]

- They did it, Mr. Corelli! Animals! - Ah, Dino!

- Luigi! - You son of a bitch.

- Huh? - [Speaking Italian]

[Both Shouting In Italian]

Jesus, Luigi! I just patched him up!

- I don't care! Let him bleed!

[Italian]

[Italian]

[Italian Continues]

In - In English, Luigi. English!

I want that son of a bitch out of here immediately!

For Christ's sake, he's your own brother.

I could lose everything!

You know the arrangement.

I live here with Regina as long as no member of my family...

sets foot in this house.

Luigi, Nettie's gone now. She's dead.

The arrangement doesn't hold anymore. There are no conditions.

You're in charge!

You're right. I -

- Yeah. I am in charge. - Right.

I - I make the rules.

Right.

My brother, come here.

- Come here. - [Speaking Italian]

[Italian]

Uh, Randolph! Bring me some wine, please!

- [Italian]

My wine, please! We must celebrate the arrival of my -

- Aah! - Scus;

of my own little brother!

- I'll drink to that! - Dino Corelli! Come stai?

[Italian]

[Singing In Italian]

Tulip, get in here!

Move your ass!

Matthew, close that door.

Buffy, I am gonna ask you a question...

and I'm just gonna ask it the once.

Are you -

Did you have relations with your sister's husband?

- Oh, my God. - Answer me, damn it!

Don't give me that silent routine. I know you can talk!

Did you?

Are you impregnated - Damn you, Candice.

You told me downstairs that it was Muffin who was pregnant!

- I said it was Buffy! - Shut up!

Are you pregnant with his baby?

- Jesus! - Goddamn it.

My Lord. My baby.

What are you gonna do?

What the hell can I do? She's pregnant with his goddamn baby.

I sure as hell ain't gonna let him marry Muffin.

- Snooks, please - - Dad, he's already married.

But it's void. The marriage vows were violated.

Will you just butt out. This doesn't concern you.

Hold it a second. She's right. You can't lie about a thing like this.

It's too damn big.

- We're gonna have to have this marriage annulled. - Just like that, huh?

You can't. I won't let you. I mean, my God, what would the Goddards think?

- The Goddards?

You know, that big fat man that's always following around Aunt Tulip.

- What the hell have they got to do with this? - I meant the Corellis!

The hell with the Corellis! I don't give a damn what they think about it!

It's them and their goddamn snot-nosed kid that's got us into this trouble.

He's foolin' around even before he's gone off on his honeymoon!

Listen to me. What about all our friends back home? We gotta think about them.

Everybody in town knows. We're gonna be laughed right out of Louisville!

Simmer down, woman. I can take care of that.

- We'll just go away for a month or two. - I can't go away.

- What do you mean, you can't?

I promised Aunt Ina I-I was gonna, uh, pay her a visit in two weeks.

- Well, go some other time. - I can't do that.

- Why not? - I can't!

Jesus H. Christ, Tulip! Do you realize what we're talking about here?

Do you have any idea what the hell we're talking about?

What about an abortion?

- Sure. - What?

- What about an abortion? - I can't believe my ears!

- You're talking about murder! - It's a possibility! That's all I'm sayin;!

- I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll try anything. - You'll try anything?

- Tulip Ruteledge Brenner, bite your tongue! - Lay off of me, Candice!

- I have had it with you today! - The two of you, shut up! Can it! Can it, Candice!

- Can it! Hughie,you know that Dr. What's-His-Name - - Meecham.

Go get him. And get Dino in here too!

Hurry up! That little dago's got some explainin' to do!

Y-Y-You don't need me anymore. I - I - I, uh -

Good-bye, Buffy.

Uh, sit down, all of you.

I have something important to share with you, something not at all pleasant -

Toni, if this is about me, I'm not staying.

It's my own business what I do with my own personal life.

Clarice, shut up and listen. I have no intention of talking about your personal life.

- I don't give a damn about your personal life. - Please, you two!

- What is it you want to talk to us about? - Money, of course.

- My sister's money. - Aunt Bea! God!

Don't deny it, dear.

You can't wait to get your hands on that estate...

so you can buy more factories and employ more illegal aliens.

Shut up, Aunt Bea! I'm not going to even dignify that with a denial.

I can assure you that I did not bring you all here to discuss material things.

All right, Aunt Toni. You tell us, and we'll listen.

Thank you, Daphne.

I have some news.

It's about Mother. She -

- Dead. - Regina!

Mama is dead.

Will you stop putting words in my mouth and let me finish what I have to say!

- She is dead, isn't she? - No!

Well -

I mean, she wasn't when I saw her earlier.

But then later I went to visit her and -

Oh, God, why is this so difficult?

Oh, my dear Toni.

Courage. We're with you.

Then...

she seemed fine.

She even smiled a little and waved.

I thought it was hello.

But it was really good-bye.

- It was tres thoughtful of you to tell us, Toni.

Oh, thank you, dear.

Toni dear, remember, whatever is, is.

Toni, I'm sorry I yelled.

- Oh, darling.

What can I say?

I know, dear. It's never easy.

Where did Jules go?

- Thank you for letting us know, Aunt Toni. - Daphne dearest.

Look, why don't you stay here at least two weeks.

- It'll do you good. - Oh, Mac.

You're so understanding.

Seems like a perfectly healthy young girl to me.

We know that, for Christ's sakes. What about the abortion?

- Snooks - - One word, Candice, and it's your ass!

Ordinarily I'm in favor of'em, but in this case, well, four months is pushing it...

even for me.

So I suggest that you, uh, go ahead and have this baby.

- Praise the Lord. - Shit.

Hi, everybody. I -

I was just upstairs changing.

If you'll excuse me, uh, I'm probably needed in another ward.

Here, son.

You, uh, might need this more than I do.

Well, here's, uh -

What the hell have you got to say for yourself?

Come on. This better be good.

We all know what you did.

You took advantage of my daughter, Buffy, and you got her pregnant.

I wanna know what the hell you intend to do about it.

Wait a minute, Dad - Sir, I didn't - I wasn't -

Don't you try to fast-talk me, you little shit! I'll wring your goddamn neck!

Now, did you sleep with my daughter, Buffy?

Snooks, just stop it. You know it isn't true.

Yes or no, goddamn it.

Well,yes, sir, but -

but...

I wasn't -

I mean -

Well...

just about everyone in the barracks did too, sir.

Buffy, is it true?

Have there been other ones?

Oh, dear Jesus, have mercy on us.

- How many? - Don't, Snooks.

You'd better tell me right now.

How many?

Buffy, stop it. That's enough.

Get out.

Get the hell out of my sight.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm sorry.

Well, what the hell's everybody standing around for?

Not a goddamn thing we can do about it now.

Hell of a wedding.

Again.

You know, I've -

I've been married four times...

and I never thought I was gonna do it again.

- At least I didn't think so.

Well, I never have been married.

- Never? - Never.

Unless you can call being married to a lawn mower a marriage.

There's, uh -

There's nothing wrong with you, is there?

No.

No, there's nothing wrong with me.

Well, uh...

- have you ever given some real thought, maybe...

to a trip to New Jersey, huh?

- You have some hedges that need trimming, my dear?

I got a whole lawn that needs trimmin'.

That sounds good.

How do you feel?

I don't know.

Here, have some more of this coffee.

Come on, now. Come on. Come on. Drink up.

- Ow. - Drink it.

- Drink it!

All of it.

I want you to sober up, because you are not getting out ofhere...

unless you can walk a straight line.

You are not driving a car that distance in this condition.

Now you oughta feel better.

- Ohh! - Just stay where you are.

Just gonna get you into that shower and sober.

Then I can wash my hands of this whole thing.

Goddamn, Corelli.

- Let me help you with that. - Oh, good.

- Mrs. Corelli.

I sure hope I get used to that funny name.

But I do love it.

- There you go. - Thank you.

- Oh, what's that horror? - Oh, that's my brother Hughie's graduation ring.

You know, something borrowed, something blue. Well, he kinda loaned it to me forever.

- Very quaint. - Yeah.

You know, in spite of all the various semi-disastrous mishaps...

that we've had...

I think I'll cherish the memory of this wedding...

more than any other wedding I've ever done.

Well, I know I will.

I should hope you will.

Thank you.

You're the loveliest bride I've ever had.

Well, thank you.

You know, I just hope Dino's not too drunk.

- He'll be all right. - You think?

Well, thank you... for everything.

- Can I-Your hair is -

- Can't have you going away looking like that. - No.

And I think this should be...

out of the dress.

You're such a child.

Well, thank you.

My brides are the only children I'll ever have.

- Thanks. - Please don't misunderstand.

I'll see you before you leave.

Dino? Dino, you ready to go?

- Come on.

- Down here, man. - It's coming.

- This stuff is dynamite.

Don't take more than a couple hits unless you wanna get really wrecked.

- That's gonna hold me all night.

- I don't wanna go back there.

- Oh, wow!

Hey, man -

It's kinda harsh, man.

Oh, how wonderful!

They're leaving! Rita! Rita! The newlyweds are leaving!

- Call the guests out! Come on, everyone! - Bye!

So long! Good luck to you!

- Oh, come out and wave, children!

Wanted to give 'em a few tips.

[Luigi, Dino Speaking Italian]

Oh, isn't it wonderful?

Oh! Oh, children, get right in the front! Come on!

- Can finally rest in peace now. - Oh, Lord!

- I didn't get a chance to kiss Muffin good-bye. - Neither did I.

Have them guys bring our cars around, boy.

The name is Randolph.

Yeah. We got two of'em.

- What are you doing? Are you leaving already? - Yeah, we're going.

- I didn't even introduce my brother. - Well, I have to go.

- Hey, join the fun. - I've had all the fun I can take, thank you.

Hughie? Hughie.

I got the cars coming around. We're going home now.

Put the Ruteledges in the second car. We'll go in the first car.

- Should I go get Buffy? - No. Let her go with them. I don't wanna see her anymore.

No, no, no, no. Wait, now. I think we get in this-Wait! Wait, wait.

Help get the children into the car.

- That's good. - Oh, thank you very much.

It was awfully nice meeting you, Mr. Goddard.

I do hope we see each other sometime in the near future.

Well, I'm looking forward to when our paths cross again.

Until that time, tally, uh -

- Hassee.

- It was so lovely to meet you. - Thank you. You did such a good job.

Thank you. It was a wonderful wedding.

Watch your dress.

- Bye-bye. - I hope your mama feels better real soon.

- We'll catch up with you. - All right, honey. Okay.

- Bye! - Bye now! Bye now!

- Bye-bye! - [Speaking Italian]

Okay, everybody inside. The party goes on.

Actually, the party starts. [Speaking Italian]

[Speaking Italian]

[Italian]

[Italian]

- I don't speak Spanish. - [Italian]

Oh, she's great.

- She's gonna die. - Good night, Miss Farmer.

You ever work in a woman's prison, Lombardo?

- Uh, no, I haven't. Have you? - Yeah.

It's good. It's a lot of action. It's a lot of fun.

- But the food's not as good as these little birds. - It's a life of commitment...

deprivation, service.

I'm not particularly a religious man, Bishop...

but we both know there are no atheists in the foxholes.

Am I right, or am I wrong?

This may surprise you, sir...

but I took a - a vow of celibacy...

when I got into this line of work.

It wasn't mandatory.

I just did it out of commitment.

- Russell? - Shelby, do not move.

Russell, are you out here? Come on!

Russell?

Russell!

- Russell!

Muffin? It's them! It's Muffin!

Sir! There's no one in there alive!

- Oh, my God! - Get them out ofhere.

- Muffin! I can't leave my baby alone! - My God! It's my daughter!

It's too dangerous. No use getting yourselfkilled too, sir.

- If I can get close, I can pull her out! - No. No,you can't.

- Don't look. No. No.

- David! David! - It's all right!

God is punishing me!

- Come, come. Jesus is with us. Jesus is with us.

- Oh, God! - Where is Buffy?

Daddy, Buffy's back at the house! Get in the car!

- Buffy! - Get in the car, Daddy!

- Please! Daddy, get in the car! - No, no!

- What do we do, Hughie? - Pray, for God's sake! We'll call you at the hotel!

We're going to the Corellis. Talbot, get us back to the Corelli house.

[Dino Giggles, Speaks Italian]

[Singing In Italian]

[Luigi Joins In]

[Italian, Laughing]

Oh, Mama.

- [Italian] - [Continues, Italian]

Mr. Corelli!

- Mama, I'm gonna put you here.

Where the hell is everybody?

Daddy, just shut up and stay with Mama.

I'm gonna get Dr. Meecham.

- Mr. Corelli? - Yes?

Darling,you're back!

- Dr. Meecham, could you look at my mama? - What's wrong?

She's dead.

- Tulip is dead? - What?

No, Muffin's dead. Dino's dead.

They've both been killed in a car accident on the freeway!

- Snooks, what happened? - You did this.

- Is it true? - It's your fault! You gave them that car!

- Goddamn foreign car! - What are you talking about?

- You drink too much too!

My goddamn Muffin is dead because of your son!

Will you stop yelling! For God's sake!

- You're a guest in this house! - Don't give me that "guest»!

I paid $20,000 for this goddamn wedding, and your phony friends didn't even show up!

- Well, if that's true, you will be amply repaid. - Bullshit.

Because our family does not take contributions from truck drivers.

Oh, yeah, I'm a truck driver, but I can buy and sell your ass.

I made five million last year -

Stop, you-you bastards!

- Stop it! - Will you shut up!

Will you all shut up! They're dead!

Let's- Let's calm down. You-You tell us wh-what happened.

We were in the car driving back to the hotel...

and there was this gasoline truck jackknifed in the middle of the road.

- And Dino's car was underneath it.

- The license plate-And it was on fire. - [Speaking Italian]

And the cops said that nobody was left alive in the car.

And I saw Muffin's clothes all on the floor.

Muff -

- Jules! - He's having a seizure.

Oh, darling, oh, darling. It's all right.

Mama? Mama?

Muffin! Where is Dino?

- Mama! - Where is my boy?

- Where is Dino? Where is he?

- Did you see my boy? - I think he's upstairs.

- Dino! - What?

- He's here! - Yes, I'm -

- What? - [Speaking Italian]

- I was upstairs. I passed out.

- Dino! - Hey-hey!

- He's here! He never left! - Of course!

They never left! They are safe! [Italian]

- What's happened?

- Nothing. - I was upstairs. I passed out upstairs.

- Dino! - Dino!

Why are you all so excited?

Dino, it's 'cause you were upstairs in the shower with Reedley.

- Who took the car? - What car?

- I had to sober up. - I gave Briggs the keys.

- It must have been Briggs. - And Tracy!

Yes. Briggs and Tracy, they -

- Briggs took Dino's car? - Yes.

He had no right to do that.

- What are you talking about? You're insane! - Come on, Dino.

He has his motorbike and Tracy has her horse.

- We must notify the families. - [Speaking Italian]

[Speaking Italian]

We must notify the families! They have a right to know!

- Let's have some champagne! Come on!

Captain, you call Briggs's family.

- You knew him. - Not really.

What - Dino.

- [Italian] - [Italian]

- They are mad, yes.

Or worse than mad.

Much worse than mad.

Oh, boy. Let's celebrate!

Here, nursey. Have a little drink, huh?

Where the hell are them waiters? Need somethin'to drink.

[Meecham] You got a little ash on your chest again.

- Thank you, Doctor. - Gotta stop doing that.

Tulip, my sweet baby.

We must talk.

Today, uh, temptation was thrust upon me...

in the form of you...

and, uh, I succumbed.

And so I was punished for my evil thoughts.

- Just to the brim, please. - God took my baby away from me.

He's given me a second chance.

What I'm trying to tell you is, uh, I won't be...

meeting my Aunt Ina in Tallahassee, ever.

Just creamed it right there on the highway.

Big oil rig.

So, Nettie, you can rest now.

And I'm glad.

It's been a long time.

For me too -

22 years in obedient service.

Even you will agree to that, I hope.

I think I kept my promise -

our bargain.

Nobody here knows who I really am.

I'm even getting confused about my name.

Luigi? Louis?

Louie?

F.O.G.? Giuseppe Garibaldi?

It's very confusing, Nettie.

But -

But the work is done.

Mmm. Your children are secure.

Mine are grown. Dino is married.

So there- there is nothing left for me to do here.

Nettie, I -

I -

I think I'm going to take my leave.

[Speaking Italian, Chuckling]

[Italian]

Ciao. Shh.

Ciao.

Dino!

[Speaking Italian]

- [Woman Singing Italian]

- Yes!

[Italian]

- [Both Shouting In Italian]

[Luigi, Dino Continue Shouting In Italian]

You know, weddings are the happiest events I could possibly dream of.

And yet somehow, when they're over, it's always so sad.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

You must have had a beautiful wedding.

Did you?

Oh, yeah, I had a great weddin'.

Uh, it wasn't anything like this.

We were real poor.

But it was beautiful.

And my husband, Russell, looked so handsome.

All the girls were after him...

but he picked me to marry.

Yeah, I think that was the happiest day of my life.

But you're right -

when it's over it gets real sad.

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