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1
00:00:03,421 --> 00:00:04,922
{\an8}Hi, YouTube.
2
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,300
{\an8}Welcome to Rogu unbox candle.
3
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:11,470
Ooh, yeah,
I love unboxing videos.
4
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:14,890
All the thrill
of opening a box
without all the stress!
5
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:17,768
You like this, but you refuse
to watch my YouTubes
6
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:21,021
where I eat
dangerously old army food
from World War II.
7
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:25,735
Ooh. "Spicy Apple Pie",
8
00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:28,028
"Old Car Smell",
9
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:31,532
and "Root Beer
With Your New Stepdad".
10
00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:36,412
Does he like it?
I hope he likes it.
11
00:00:36,412 --> 00:00:37,955
He always likes it!
12
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:40,791
Smell good.
13
00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:41,876
Yes.
14
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:51,302
Is he okay?
15
00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:53,387
Has anyone seen Rogu recently?
16
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,474
Oh no, this video
was posted three days ago!
17
00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:58,392
Rogu!
18
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,189
That smell...
19
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,610
I'll never be your dad,
20
00:01:07,610 --> 00:01:10,196
but I'd love to be your Doug.
21
00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:14,241
Whoa, that was so real.
22
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:18,746
Hey anyone seen
an "87 Pistons Locker Room"
candle lying around?
23
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,835
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
24
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:28,631
♪ I got a feeling
That it's gonna be
a wonderful day ♪
25
00:01:28,631 --> 00:01:31,509
♪ The sun in the sky
Has a smile on his face ♪
26
00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:35,221
♪ And he's shining a salute
To the American race ♪
27
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:41,185
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
28
00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:44,063
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
29
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,776
{\an8}♪ Good morning, USA ♪
30
00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:53,948
I think he's feeling better.
31
00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:57,368
Aww.
32
00:01:57,368 --> 00:01:58,452
Gross.
33
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,955
{\an8}And of course
Roger's not here.
34
00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:03,707
{\an8}He's always working at that
dang greasy spoon diner
35
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:06,669
{\an8}and now it's
our responsibility
to take care of Rogu?
36
00:02:06,669 --> 00:02:10,297
{\an8}Not that I mind
spending time with him.
Love the little stinker.
37
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:14,218
{\an8}Rogu and I share
a Roblox account,
so we've seen some shit.
38
00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:15,803
{\an8}Oof. My dogs are barking!
39
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:18,556
{\an8}Had to work a triple
'cause Miriam
finally had her baby.
40
00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:20,391
{\an8}Cesarean, huge mess.
41
00:02:20,391 --> 00:02:25,729
{\an8}Long ass day, but it's
all worth it to bring home...
eleven dollars?
42
00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:27,690
{\an8}Okay, what is it?
What's up everyone's butt?
43
00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:29,066
{\an8}Rogu is sick!
44
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:32,027
{\an8}He looks fine to me.
Probably needs a little snack.
45
00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:35,906
{\an8}- Aah!
- Mama knows just how
you like it Rogu,
46
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,491
{\an8}all powder.
47
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,704
{\an8}Roger, you're never around.
48
00:02:41,704 --> 00:02:43,914
{\an8}And frankly,
even when you are,
49
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:46,000
{\an8}you're not much of
a father to Rogu.
50
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,628
{\an8}Father? Look at me!
Have some respect
for the boobies...
51
00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:54,091
{\an8}and call me Mama!
It's hard to be
a single parent!
52
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:57,219
{\an8}I know you all got upset
when I drove to Atlantic City
53
00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:59,054
{\an8}with Rogu
on the roof of my car,
54
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,432
{\an8}but I've been trying to
be better! I quit smoking,
55
00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:03,851
{\an8}I got rid of a lot of
the asbestos in the attic,
56
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:06,562
{\an8}and I only let Rogu have
one wine cooler a day.
57
00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:08,272
{\an8}What more do you want from me?
58
00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:11,108
{\an8}You could potty train him
instead of just leaving
pee pads all over.
59
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:14,111
{\an8}You could give him a bedtime,
or at the very least, a bed.
60
00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:17,406
{\an8}You could save
his immortal soul
and baptize him already!
61
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:19,116
{\an8}You guys overreact
about everything,
62
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,784
Rogu doesn't even look sick.
63
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,914
That's a boredom cough.
64
00:03:24,914 --> 00:03:27,291
I know what will make
my baby feel better!
65
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,966
Ha-ha! Got you again, Rogu!
66
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,302
Frickin' family
always judging me.
67
00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:40,262
I'm sick of it.
I'm a great mama.
68
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:42,181
Ah, your Lunchable broke open.
69
00:03:42,181 --> 00:03:44,308
There's little ham and cheeses
everywhere.
70
00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:48,312
I'd buy you a pretzel, but
I spent my last eleven bucks
on this bottle of Lagunitas.
71
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,481
Water.
72
00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:52,900
Ah, that's what
I'm talking about.
73
00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:03,786
Hmm. Do you
need that guy, Rogu?
74
00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:06,455
Like, did he serve
an important role
inside of you
75
00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:08,540
or was he more of like
a middle management type?
76
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,876
I guess he was important.
77
00:04:15,214 --> 00:04:19,343
Okay, I was finally
able to determine
that Rogu is indeed sick.
78
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:20,844
Well, what are we going to do?
79
00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:23,013
We can't take him
to a regular doctor.
80
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:26,392
Why? Because
I'm a single mother
and the world's against us?
81
00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:29,520
No, because he's an alien!
82
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,397
- Oh.
- I know an inexpensive--
83
00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:34,274
I mean,
a great doctor we can see!
84
00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:38,195
It's a good thing
you brought him in!
85
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:40,114
He is clearly suffering.
86
00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:44,368
I remember when he was
just a little tumor
growing off your alien's head.
87
00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:46,537
I know exactly what to do.
88
00:04:46,537 --> 00:04:48,539
- Great.
89
00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:51,000
Oh, not this, I have to make
a quick work call.
90
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,545
Maureen, you sloppy bitch,
I need you to cover
my shift tonight...
91
00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:58,007
What? I never called you
a sloppy bitch!
Where'd you hear that?
92
00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:02,511
Billy! I need twelve ounces
of the solution
and my medium calipers.
93
00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:04,013
With haste, Billy!
94
00:05:04,013 --> 00:05:06,223
Quickly now with the salve!
95
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,058
Salve me, Billy!
96
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,857
Now tuck your feet
and cross your arms...
97
00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:17,192
this is the tricky part...
98
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:20,446
- Success!
- What?
99
00:05:20,446 --> 00:05:25,200
This is exactly the
conversation piece my wall
of oddities was missing!
100
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:28,704
Stop squirming!
You're making streaks
on the glass!
101
00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:30,414
This is what you were doing?
102
00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:34,877
Don't worry,
I'll backlight him
so he looks very spooky.
103
00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:39,339
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
104
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:42,009
Oh, I am! But not about this!
105
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,306
There's nowhere else
we can take Rogu,
106
00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:49,933
so we either
figure it out or he dies.
107
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,311
I'm gonna be on team
"Figure It Out",
108
00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:53,437
who's with me?
109
00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:54,688
- I'm with you!
- Me, too!
110
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,815
- We got this, gang.
- Are you [bleep] crazy?
111
00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:58,609
We're not [bleep] doctors!
112
00:05:58,609 --> 00:06:00,360
I don't even
clip my own toenails,
113
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,279
I go to
a licensed esthetician.
114
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,865
Oh, I am totally
bummed about Rogu.
115
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:08,660
But if something were
to happen to him, God forbid,
116
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:13,332
{\an8}I want you all to know that
I can fill in as the cute
weirdo that everyone loves.
117
00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:16,460
Klaus eat too many
uncooked rices.
118
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:17,544
Hey!
119
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:20,464
Look how cute
and purple Rogu looks!
120
00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:21,965
He's not breathing!
121
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,384
We need to do a tracheotomy
to get air into his lungs!
122
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,638
I just saw
Doc McStuffins do this
to a penguin squeaky toy.
123
00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,306
I need a straw!
124
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,433
You're gonna stab a hole
in his throat?
125
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:33,435
You have trouble opening
a Capri-Sun!
126
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:34,978
Pull yourself together!
127
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:36,730
Roger, where are his lungs?
128
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,107
I don't know!
129
00:06:38,107 --> 00:06:41,318
Doesn't know where his
son's lungs are... typical.
130
00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:46,156
- Ugh.
131
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:49,076
He's going from
lavender to indigo!
132
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,536
That wasn't his lungs!
133
00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:57,417
Try again! Save my sweet baby!
134
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,172
You did it!
135
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,924
That was scary.
136
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:07,219
{\an8}I don't know
if I'll ever be able to
find any joy in life agai--
137
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:16,353
Wow, this is everything
we could possibly need.
138
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,897
It's cool the CIA
let you borrow all this stuff.
139
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:20,858
Well, at first,
Dr. Weitzman was like,
140
00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:23,819
"Stan, you can't barge in and
take all my lab equipment."
141
00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:25,612
And then he was all,
"Please Stan,
142
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,615
don't leave me
in the trunk like this,
I'll do anything!"
143
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:36,415
Okay, Maureen flaked,
but I got Linda
to cover for me.
144
00:07:36,415 --> 00:07:39,543
I just have to snake-sit
for her while she's
on the Train cruise,
145
00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,712
a boat cruise
featuring the band Train.
146
00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:43,881
Not to be confused
with the Cruise train,
147
00:07:43,881 --> 00:07:47,885
a sexual position that
requires Tom Cruise and
at least three other people.
148
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:52,055
Roger! Get your disgusting
purse off my patient!
149
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:55,225
That purse is nasty.
I swear there's
a rat living in it.
150
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:58,896
That's not a rat,
that's Rogu's pet gerbil,
Mr. Business!
151
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:03,483
And let me tell ya,
Mr. Business is all play.
152
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,653
Okay, we have no idea
what's wrong with Rogu
153
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:09,907
but we need to somehow
figure it out
and then cure him.
154
00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:11,158
Do you hear yourself?
155
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,951
We have no idea
what we're doing,
156
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,411
Rogu is doomed!
157
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:16,163
Hayley! Get him out of here!
158
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:21,001
You fools! No one plays God
and gets away with it!
Not even God!
159
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,461
Let's brainstorm.
160
00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:25,589
Let's hear everyone's thoughts
about how to save Rogu.
161
00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:28,759
Okay, I grabbed every type of
medicine the CIA had.
162
00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,553
We could just
start injecting Rogu
with random stuff.
163
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,597
We sometimes do that
at work when we're bored.
164
00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:35,557
Tuttle's a certified
Reiki healer.
165
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:37,601
I could make
his favorite soup,
166
00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:39,561
Ramen cooked in
Diet Dr. Pepper--
167
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,730
Jeff, I noticed
you're being quiet.
168
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:46,276
I don't think I should
say my idea because
I have no experience.
169
00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:48,111
I've never been to the doctor.
170
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:49,780
That means
you have fresh eyes.
171
00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,657
Tell us your idea, Fresh Eyes.
172
00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:54,451
Well, when I was curious
about myself,
173
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:57,579
Hayley got me a book all about
my body and me.
174
00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,414
Maybe Roger has
a book like that.
175
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,416
That would be very helpful!
176
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:05,003
Roger, do you have
a medical book
for your alien species?
177
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:06,755
Not sure, but I can check.
178
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:10,384
I do have a DVD of my species'
remake of Patch Adams
179
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:13,303
but our version is more
of a sexual thriller.
180
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,722
♪ Yes, we have no bananas ♪
181
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:18,392
♪ We have no bananas today ♪
182
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,978
This is the kind of dumb crap
Rogu would do, right?
183
00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:23,647
I'm using most of my energy
to make my eyes all wonky.
184
00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:29,653
Hey, I did have a medical book
for my alien species!
185
00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:31,029
And it's written in English?
186
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,240
Most stuff in the galaxy
is in English.
187
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,158
Frasier is that popular.
188
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,827
Wow, this book is perfect.
189
00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:40,330
It lists every illness
Rogu could possibly have.
190
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:41,581
Thank you, Jeff!
191
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,083
Jeff? It's my book!
192
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,793
Any idiot can own a book,
193
00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:47,754
but Jeff had the genius idea
to look for a book.
194
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:56,680
We can rule out
a Solar Sinus Infection
and Nasal-Gumps
195
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,308
because Rogu doesn't have
a nose or ears.
196
00:09:59,308 --> 00:10:00,684
Roger, are you going to help?
197
00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:01,852
I am helping!
198
00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:04,855
I'm loving my son
the way only a mama can!
199
00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:06,273
Is that an energy drink?
200
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,025
Chill out, it's apple juice.
201
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:11,278
Well, a hard cider.
It's the only way I can
get him to eat his fruit!
202
00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,866
Check it out,
we've narrowed it down
to just two diseases.
203
00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:18,452
Great! Let's give Rogu
the cure for each of those.
204
00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:21,538
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
The wrong medicine
could kill him.
205
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,999
Shoot! This is
way too complicated!
206
00:10:23,999 --> 00:10:26,543
I finally get why doctors
are all such assholes.
207
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:29,379
Sorry about
freaking out earlier.
208
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:33,050
I did a guided meditation,
I'm popping my calming
bubbles. I'm ready to help.
209
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:36,887
Good news,
we've figured out that
Rogu either has AstroPox
210
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:39,056
or Cranial Vein Thrombosis.
211
00:10:39,056 --> 00:10:43,393
Perfect, those are two
very-normal not-completely-
made-up-sounding diseases.
212
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:47,230
Are we sure he doesn't
have Gloop-Gloop
or Slorg-Borg?
213
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,523
Oh no! What's happening?
214
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:49,566
He's having a seizure!
215
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:54,488
We gotta sedate him!
I'll get the medicine,
you restrain him!
216
00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:56,823
I'll get his arms--
217
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,283
You guys grab his legs.
218
00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:00,827
Why does Mr. S
sound like a lady?
219
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,579
Never mind I think I get it.
220
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,581
Not so funny now, huh, Jeff?
221
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,750
Will you two please--
222
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:07,876
Knock it off.
223
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:16,510
Hey, can I get
one of those shots
to mellow me out?
224
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,929
Come on, I quit smoking,
I need something!
225
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:21,556
How about a hug?
226
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,475
You're bad at hugging.
227
00:11:26,645 --> 00:11:28,605
Lab work
always calms my nerves.
228
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:31,983
Let's relax
and take a look at this
sample of Rogu's blood.
229
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,121
Sweetie,
you look a little warm.
230
00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:45,789
I think
you might have a fever.
231
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:51,670
Hey! It says here that
Cranial Vein Thrombosis
232
00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:53,713
only occurs
in children under two.
233
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,091
That means if Rogu
is older than two...
234
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,968
We would know he has AstroPox!
235
00:11:57,968 --> 00:12:00,137
Roger! How old is Rogu?
236
00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:01,805
Um...
237
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:05,642
- Are you kidding me?
- Doesn't know how old
his son is... Wow.
238
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:09,146
Of course I know!
And I happen to have Rogu's
baby book in my purse.
239
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:10,605
In here somewhere...
240
00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:13,984
Knott's Berry Farm
park map from 2008...
241
00:12:13,984 --> 00:12:16,486
some of these rides are gone,
I don't wanna lose this...
242
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:17,988
I'm sorry,
what am I looking for?
243
00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:19,573
Oh, baby book!
244
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:23,743
I can now confidently
tell you that Rogu is...
three years old.
245
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,496
Bam! I know my son's age,
suck it!
246
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,124
Rogu has AstroPox!
247
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:33,086
Let's cure
this freak of nature!
248
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:39,843
- That's a good sign, right?
- I'm not sure.
249
00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:43,638
- Is that a good twitch,
Francine?
- Leave me alone, Stan!
250
00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:53,398
♪ I got the special sauce
To make
the whole world dance ♪
251
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:57,694
♪ I found the secret plans
For getting in your pants ♪
252
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,654
This seems like a good sign!
253
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:05,452
Listen to him shred!
Rogu's back, baby!
254
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:11,625
Rogu? You okay, honey?
255
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,084
You gonna finish your song?
256
00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:16,838
We killed him!
257
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,882
We're gonna burn!
258
00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:22,886
But hell is too good a place
for what we've done.
259
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:24,471
Oh, God,
260
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:28,892
that was what is known as a
Pre-Death Funky Energy Rush.
261
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:31,394
How could this happen?
262
00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:35,982
- Oh, I believe I know
how this happened.
263
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,902
- Rogu's baby book is blank.
264
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,947
Okay fine, I don't know
how old he is!
Are you happy now?
265
00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:45,408
No, because
you made us
give him the wrong medicine!
266
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:47,285
I'm sorry!
267
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:49,704
All I wanted was one moment
where everyone thought
I was a good parent.
268
00:13:49,704 --> 00:13:52,207
But look what I did to my son.
269
00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:56,336
For the first time in my life,
I'm gonna do the right thing.
270
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,007
I'm gonna abandon my child.
271
00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:05,262
{\an8}- Not now, Klaus.
272
00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:07,138
{\an8}I didn't say anything yet!
273
00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:10,809
{\an8}I was simply going to
ask if any of you
felt a little off?
274
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,561
Now that you mention it,
275
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,437
I'm starting to feel like
I'm dying.
276
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:18,733
Babe, what's happening?
277
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,277
Rogu must be contagious!
278
00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:22,904
Whatever the hell he has,
now we've caught it too!
279
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,656
But I have lunch plans!
280
00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:28,076
You're never eating
lunch again because
we're all going to die!
281
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,957
{\an8}No, I'm not supposed to
go this way,
282
00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:37,877
{\an8}I'm supposed to
be shot and killed by
Shakira's bodyguards!
283
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:43,300
I'll be back
to take your orders.
284
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:46,970
This isn't a menu.
It's an eight by ten
of a monster.
285
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,471
That's my son, Rogu.
286
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:50,807
He's very sick
but he's a strong boy.
287
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,310
He once ate a bicycle
in one sitting.
288
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:55,186
Slurped it up like spaghetti.
289
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:58,315
Strong. He always gets the
biggest soda at the movies,
290
00:14:58,315 --> 00:14:59,816
like a muscleman.
291
00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:05,947
- Can we get
waters and, um... utensils.
- No.
292
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:09,826
Are we still
waiting on one more?
293
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:12,412
Our mate
Jeff Fischer ain't 'ere
294
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:15,332
cause 'e an 'is
'ole family is sick.
295
00:15:15,332 --> 00:15:17,334
Oh, no, now they're sick?
296
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:20,170
Hold up, I'm sorry...
What is with this
random-ass crew?
297
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:22,589
Sllort, Marty,
the Working Class Brit
298
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,549
who owns the sunglass place
at the mall,
299
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:26,509
Tommie Tokes,
and Wilbur Kentucky?
300
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:29,638
Well, aren't you
a sweet looking thing.
301
00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:30,847
You're all friends?
302
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:32,891
Jeff introduced us all.
303
00:15:32,891 --> 00:15:37,187
'E's a real curator
of personalities.
304
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:39,522
God I just want to quit
and sit down with y'all
305
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,524
but I gotta not quit
and just leave!
306
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,277
Grunklebean!
307
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:50,116
- Oh, ew.
308
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,911
Roger... save us.
309
00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:55,205
Don't worry,
I'm here to rescue you.
310
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:57,540
Oh, I know what always helps,
a humidifier!
311
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:00,835
You traded it for
a button maker on Craigslist.
312
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:02,295
Oh, yeah.
313
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:06,549
It's official.
Everyone's gonna die.
314
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,472
Rogu love you. Aw.
315
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:14,474
There's more!
316
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,226
Rogu believe in you.
317
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:18,061
But stop spinning.
318
00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:20,563
- Spin make Rogu--
319
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:23,400
Oh, sweetie,
that means the world to me.
320
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:26,236
This whole time I've been
worried what other people
think of me,
321
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:28,405
but you're
all that matters, Rogu.
322
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:31,032
I'm not giving up!
I'm gonna save you, Rogu!
323
00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,867
What about us?
324
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:35,787
I'm saving everyone,
time permitting.
325
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,083
Mmm.
326
00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:42,293
Love that toxic smell.
327
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,003
Toxic smell?
328
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,922
Toxic smell, of course!
329
00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:48,925
Rogu started getting sick
when that
box of candles arrived!
330
00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:51,136
It's the candles!
331
00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:54,013
Huh. Says that the ingredients
are all organic...
332
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:57,267
probably full of it like Amy
and her bullshit burritos.
333
00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:58,601
Smells fine though.
334
00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,520
Only one way to really know...
335
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,440
Crap, that's good.
336
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,067
These are delicious.
337
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:09,571
But if it's not the candles
making everyone sick,
what else could it be?
338
00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:11,656
It's not playtime,
Mr. Business.
339
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,242
Mr. Business!
340
00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:16,244
Hmm?
341
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:19,748
Wow. The smell of
these packing bubbles
is taking me back.
342
00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,583
Reminds me
of that crazy summer
343
00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:24,794
I spent in Pyongyang
working at
the sarin gas factory.
344
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:27,088
Steve, did I ever tell you
about that crazy summer
345
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:30,133
I spent working in Pyongyang
at the sarin gas factory?
346
00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:33,595
I just... want to die...
347
00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:37,807
That's funny, that's what
everyone in the sarin gas
factory was always saying!
348
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:40,310
Wait a second, sarin gas!
349
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:44,647
Made in a facility that
processes peanuts
and sarin gas!
350
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,983
That's it! That's what's
making everyone sick!
351
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:48,443
I did it, I figured it out!
352
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:51,112
Dance with me, Stan!
353
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:54,324
- Help us.
- Fine.
354
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:57,452
Google says the first thing
to do is to
get you some fresh air
355
00:17:57,452 --> 00:17:59,287
and I know the perfect place!
356
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:03,917
Where am I?
357
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,668
Oh, my God!
358
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,802
Thank you, Roger.
You saved our lives.
359
00:18:13,802 --> 00:18:16,513
And you bought us
Dippin' Dots!
360
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:18,431
But Rogu's still sick,
361
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,517
so it couldn't have been
the sarin gas.
362
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:23,102
- Not to worry, I won't
rest until I figure out--
363
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,522
Can someone turn off
that tea kettle
or whatever is?
364
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,023
It's Rogu's heart monitor!
365
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,359
But luckily it's only
one of his three hearts.
366
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,322
Hayley?
367
00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:36,699
I'm so sorry, Roger...
368
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,328
Nothing...
369
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,455
My sweet Rogu is gone?
370
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:46,376
What started off as a tumor
growing from your head
371
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:48,461
became a part of our family.
372
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,213
We all loved Rogu,
373
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:54,551
but no one had
a more beautiful connection
than what you two had.
374
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:55,969
Wait. What did you just say?
375
00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:57,720
I honestly have no idea.
376
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,849
Once something
is out of my mouth,
it's like a fart in the wind.
377
00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:03,309
Tumor... connection...
378
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,061
Oh, my God! That's it!
379
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:08,356
Rogu is a giant tumor
that grew off of me.
380
00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:10,024
And we're still connected.
381
00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:12,694
So anything I do
directly affects Rogu.
382
00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:14,070
When I quit smoking,
383
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:15,405
it might have been
good for me,
384
00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:17,198
but it was terrible
for Rogu, because--
385
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:18,908
Because he's a tumor!
386
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,827
Smoking is good for a tumor!
387
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:24,247
Exactly! But Steve,
don't cut me off again
this is kinda my big moment.
388
00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:26,541
- We can still save Rogu?
- I think so,
389
00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:28,960
I just need to do stuff
that's good for tumors.
390
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,211
Like what?
391
00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:31,588
Someone nuke me!
392
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,305
It's working!
393
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:46,352
Yeah, but to fully heal him,
I'm gonna need to do
a whole lot more.
394
00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:51,190
Oh, sick, love this song.
395
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:55,111
♪ Your love
is like bad medicine ♪
396
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:57,780
♪ Bad medicine
is what I need ♪
397
00:19:57,780 --> 00:20:02,619
♪ Oh, oh, oh, shake it up
just like bad medicine ♪
398
00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:06,623
♪ There ain't no doctor
that can cure my disease ♪
399
00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:18,134
{\an8}What up, sluts?
400
00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:19,594
Rogu!
401
00:20:19,594 --> 00:20:23,473
Roger, I'm sorry for
ever judging your parenting.
402
00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:25,308
Everything
we nagged you about,
403
00:20:25,308 --> 00:20:27,602
the smoking,
the asbestos in the attic...
404
00:20:27,602 --> 00:20:29,812
was actually keeping
Rogu healthy!
405
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:32,315
{\an8}You really are
one hell of a mama.
406
00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:35,610
{\an8}Aw, you guys are too sweet.
407
00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:38,446
{\an8}Rogu! Thank God you're okay.
408
00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:40,657
{\an8}I was so worried about you!
409
00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:42,241
{\an8}Then what that?
410
00:20:44,202 --> 00:20:47,538
{\an8}That old thing?
It's been there for years!
411
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:51,501
{\an8}He's got his strength back!
412
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,836
{\an8}Man, what a day.
413
00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:56,047
{\an8}This was all one day?
32051
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