Original subtitles

What's up, sheeple?

It's your g-g-g-g-g-g-girl, Lisa Love

on your timeline.

By the end of the day?!

That's impossible!

The, the help center is not going to survive

without that grant!

What's good, sheeple?!

What's popping, sheeple?

I said, I will do the best I can!

Thank you.

[groans]

Mrs. Payne, let me get your advice real quick.

What you think of these catch phrases?

What's up, sheeple?

What's popping, sheeple?!

Uh, Lisa, I think you need to just use subscripts

for whatever it is that you're doing.

And what is Sheeple?

Sheep plus people, get it?

'Cause they follow me.

It's like kind of biblical, don't you think?

Well, I think you're mispronouncing blasphemous.

How many people are following you?

10,000.

And why are 10,000 sheeple following you?

'Cause I was pretty popular at my previous job.

[chuckles]

Yeah, now we know why Little Bo Peep lost her sheep,

'cause they crazy.

That's good.

I should change my handle to your girl, Little Bo Peep.

-Lisa... -Hey!

It's your girl, Lil' Bo Peep!

What you think?

Lisa, I think that I don't have time for this.

I'm in a crisis.

If I don't get 75 new applicants today

the help center's not gonna get our grant matched.

Well, how many do you have so far?

Well, okay, the woman who thinks that the help center

is a skating rink for the ghost of Martin Luther King Sr.

Including her, one.

You should make a video.

There is no way in the world I'm going to put Skating Sally

on a video.

-Not of her, of you. -Of me?

You know, appeal to the women so they register.

And how would I put them on TV?

Mrs. Payne, this is the 21st century,

everything you need is on your phone.

That thing?

Really?

Okay, maybe not that phone.

You need a new phone and burn that one.

Oh, is that what they mean when they say burner phone?

They tell me that all the time, burner phone, burner phone.

I'm in Jurassic Park.

So, you ready, Mrs. Payne?

Ooh, I'm not used to everybody making a fuss over me.

But I could get used to this!

Thank you, Harmony, thank you, Spice.

Yes, Queen!

Okay.

You see you?

I see you, I see you.

-You see me? - I see you.

Well, I really can't see you 'cause these bushes

on my eyelids.

You look amazing, Mrs. Payne.

[grunts]

You're gonna have plenty of clout in no time.

What should I do with the clout?

Sell it and use the funds for the help center!

This is gonna be harder than I thought.

Um, first we'll come up with a catch phrase for you.

Why do I need that?

-Merch! -Ah!

Is that French?

It's English for money.

Merch, merchandise.

-Oh! -Hoodies, t-shirts, stickers.

You put your catchphrase on it, you make some money.

I don't know if I need that.

What the help is going on?!

Huh, woo, you like that one, huh?

[chuckling]

And what can I catch with that phrase?

You know what?

You're right, that's too long.

Maybe this one...

Queens stand up!

Well, can I sit down and go viral?

-It's just an expression. -Oh.

[beep]

Queens, would you do me a favor today and stand up?

No, no, stop, stop, stop.

-Please. -Stop.

Mrs. Payne, I need energy.

I need you to be infectious!

I need you to connect with the audience.

Stand up, Queens!

Louder!

Queens, stand up!

More energy!

♪ Queeeeens stand up

That's it.

Keep going

♪ Where, where, where, where, where are you my Queens♪

♪ Queens, stand up

♪ Where my Queens at

-[phone dinging] -What's that?

You got a like.

I did?

That's easy, thank you.

Thank you, Queens!

Mwah, mwah, mwah, thank you!

Thank you so much!

How do I get them to register?

Say link in bio.

Link in bio...

I know that's French.

And link in bio!

Link in bio everybody!

It's a link to register.

Calvin set it up for you.

Thank you, Calvin.

[phone dinging]

-More likes? -And comments.

And comments?

Wait, check this out.

So at Crown and Queen says, "What's up, Queen?

"She's hilarious."

-I'm hilarious? -You're hilarious.

You hilarious!

Now hit 'em with your message.

Tell 'em all about the help center and what you need.

Okay, ooh, but first can I tell 'em something else?

What's that?

Queens, where you at?

Queens, hey Queens!

♪ Where my Queens, Queens at♪

Pops, what's going on, what's the emergency?

-Hey, hey-- -Feeling okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Hey, look here.

I need you to tell me which flyer you like,

the one with just me or the one with me and the barbecue sauce.

Pops, you called me over here early this morning for this?

Since you here, which one?

Well, it's about the brand so I say...

I know, the one with just me.

I was thinking the same thing.

No, I was gonna say you and the sauce.

People are buying the sauce, not the person.

Sell the sauce, not the person.

That's marketing 1-0-1.

Yeah, says the man who took six years to get a four-year degree.

I'm going back home and to bed.

Wait, wait, wait a minute, son.

Come here, come here, come here.

I need you to help me hashtag this, come on.

We gotta hashtag it.

You mean make it go viral?

No, I'm not trying to get nobody sick.

What you giving out viruses for?

What's wrong with you?

Pops, you can't just say you want to be a trending topic

and it happens, you need a social media campaign for that.

I mean, it has to be targeted and aimed

to your intended audience.

Okay, my audience is people with teeth.

Even though my Que is it's tender enough

that you can suck it through a straw, you heard me?

Give me the flyer.

Here's that one.

Uh, this is the flyer?

What did you make this with, magic marker and misery?

This looks like something that Calvin Jr did when he was three.

Okay, are you here to help or are you gonna just keep hating?

Look Pops, if you really want to make a splash

post something funny with you and your sauce.

Now, I'll come back and help you with the camera later.

Oh, see now you're on the team!

Now you're on the team, that's my boy!

Listen to your followers' requests, they love

when you engage with them.

You know, you need something funny like a story.

Oh okay, I can tell them, I can tell them about

when you thought your nipple was a pimple.

No Pops, something quick and dirty like,

we need a short video.

Short vid...

Oh, you know I got some VHS of me and your momma.

No, I don't wanna hear it!

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

About how we would plant vegetables in the garden

before you were born.

Oh, well that's not that bad.

I mean, it's boring but it's not that bad at all.

Oh, you want some action?

Look, I got some betas too.

Ooh, I got this one beta.

You know, your momma was wild before she started teaching

bible class, she was a freaky deak.

Everybody knew it!

Let me go get this beta!

[music]

So, how's it going?

Are you social media famous yet?

I just see a lot of hearts

and no new registrants yet for the help center.

And why are people sending me these little crying faces?

That means they think you're funny.

That's good, you're connecting with people.

Well my face is gonna be the one crying

if I don't get this grant.

You know what we should do?

We should go live.

We're not already live?

Technically yes, but if we livestream

it'll be uninterrupted and you can get your message across

in real time and get people to sign up right now.

Okay, I like it.

And then we will be live live, right?

Soon as I press that button you'll see the number of people

watching at the top of the screen and you'll be broadcast

all over the world.

Yes!

Ooh, I got one more thing I need to do.

[humming]

You wanna look in the camera and say, "Queens, stand up",

don't you?

No.

[laughing]

I wanna get ready for my followers.

I need more hair and makeup.

Contour me, highlight me. Contour me, highlight me.

-[Lisa] I got you. I got you. -[music]

[music]

Oh!

Look at this, Calvin got me already set up.

That's my son, that's my son!

Love you, Calvin.

Okay, so where I got to get myself?

I just need to turn it on.

-[beeping] -Bam!

Hello, good people.

Hello, this is Curtis Payne.

I'm the owner of Curtis Payne, the Sauce Boss "wipe me down."

I'm here to let you know my stuff is so juicy

you can jump in it and swim in that thing.

You heard me?

Swim in it!

And if you want to, you can suck it through a straw.

That's how good it is.

Huh? [phone dinging]

Circle-Around-The-A QueenSheets

said, "Take it off."

Well, you have a little freaky, ain't you?

Talking about...

Okay, Calvin said give the people what they request.

So you gonna get a peek and that's it.

Okay, that's it!

[laughing]

No more, you gotta pay for the rest.

Now, you can use my sauce on ribs, chicken,

and, and, and, and, and lamb.

That's how good it is.

Even if you want to you can use it as body lotion.

And you can smear it all over yourself, huh?

Curtis!

Curtis Payne, what are you doing?!

Shh, baby, I'm making a video for my followers.

They so nasty!

-Mr. Payne! -[unintelligible]

No, you stop, no you turn it off.

Stop it.

Not a chance!

This thing right here says I'm talking to

1,875 people right now.

Okay, Mr. Payne, I see you getting your clout on.

You're not helping, Lisa.

Pops, what are you doing?

I'm doing what you told me to.

Curtis, explain yourself.

Baby, Calvin set this up for me.

-No. -So I could make a video

for, so I could get some more followers for my barbecue sauce.

No, Calvin brought this so you can make a video

for your little three followers.

No, this says 1,875.

No, those are Mrs. Payne's.

I set this up for her.

Oh, but then who are these people listening to me

talk about my barbecue sauce?

Woman that I am trying to get to register for the help center.

They need some help 'cause they some freaky deaks.

They a little freaky, that's all I'm saying.

See, look at this.

"Circle round the a channel God, take it off."

Uh, she means the stream, take the stream off.

-[beep] -Circle around the a

is the @ symbol, you genius.

What's an @ symbol?

You know, I would explain it to you but you've been down

enough rabbit holes for one day.

Curtis, you have fffffffff

fouled this up for me.

I thought you was gonna say something else.

Yo momma is an internet troll.

Calvin, son!

-What's up, Pops? -Hey, what's an internet troll?

Don't respond to that, it's only gonna make it worse.

Um, you told me people like it when I engage.

Well, not when you're being dragged.

You can't win against an army of social media bullies.

Hmm.

You look like if I smell like hotdog water was a person.

[laughing]

The hell does that mean?

Your barbecue sauce probably tastes like

the back of your ears.

Pops, don't respond.

[shrieks]

Come say that to my face!

My address is--

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

-Are you crazy?! -207--

Are you crazy?

Don't put your address on the internet.

But I'm a grown-ass man, you heard me?

With, with, with, with a mortgage and a mustache!

Ain't nobody gonna be talking to me any kind of way.

I will clap back on they clout!

I will hack their router.

Pops, don't...

And hack their router?

Do you even know what you're saying?

Still obvious?

Look Pops, this is not like the old days

when people used to handle their disputes with brass knuckles,

bats, and knives.

Bunch of cowards.

You know, everybody has a microphone nowadays

and they can hide behind their avatars and handles

and say what they want without fear of retribution.

That's disgusting.

You know, the more followers they have,

the bigger their microphone.

They can team up with their social media bullies

and jump whoever they hate that day.

[grunts]

Now that's brilliant.

You just said it was disgusting.

How many followers you got?

About 1,200.

But my work account has about 100,000.

Woo!

Thank you, God.

Give me that account.

Uh, no I would rather OD on your sauce and slip into

a diabetic coma.

No.

The coma I could help you with if you don't give me

that account.

Pops, no, this is my livelihood.

Which you don't need if you're dead.

Give me that account.

Do you even know what you're doing?

Yes, I know what I'm doing.

What's wrong with you?

You ain't been here listening, you ain't been paying attention?

So mad at Curtis I could spit.

Think.

You know what we could do,

we could get an influencer to boost it.

What's an influencer?

It's like a celebrity that many people don't, like,

know about.

And how do I get an influencer this late?

Pay 'em $25,000.

That's it. [chuckles]

No more tweets, no more timelines, no more hustles.

That's what's wrong with us, we do not want to connect

on a personal level.

Because we don't have to.

Because you don't want to.

But it's what I have to do.

Turn that camera on, I need to talk to some women.

No jokes, no catchphrases, just me.

And I wanna be real with them and I gotta speak from my heart.

Okay.

[beep]

Go ahead.

Hello!

I'm Ella Payne.

I wanna help some women.

But I need your help.

The help center is the only place some people have.

And we need 75 new clients to register today

-so that we can make sure-- -[phone dinging]

-We get our grant-- -[phone dinging]

That was fast.

It's an email, it's a new registration.

[phone dinging]

It's going crazy!

It's all new registrations.

20, 30, 53!

53?!

Thank you, thank you for doing this!

Oh, God bless you!

Wait, it's not recording.

What do you mean it's not recording?

Well who am I talking to?

Let me check the timeline.

"Sauce Boss is so sweet."

"That's how you love a woman."

"A man who supports his wife like that is rare."

"I was the victim of domestic violence and I need help."

"I'm registering now, hashtag: help me."

What?

The help center timeline is flooding with testimonies

and confessionals.

"If Ella's half as amazing as the Sauce Boss says--

-Lisa. -"She can change my life."

Curtis is doing this?

-[phone dinging] -How?

103?

121!

-You did it! -We did it?

-We did it! -121?!

Curtis, baby, what did you just do?

I got the biggest microphone I could find

and told the whole world how wonderful you are.

I told them you needed their help.

Thank you.

Thank you, Curtis.

Thank you, we did it.

and, and, and, he was just, puberty was smacking him

all in his pimple-ridden face.

Pops, don't do that.

Shh, I'm trying to make a funny video like you said.

Not about me!

And you should have seen him over there,

he just was squeezing and just squeezing and squeezing.

That's not true!

I said, "Son, you can't milk yourself."

And, and, and, our nipples are useless, he ain't know it.

You know what?

Go ahead and tell your little story to your eight followers.

No, there's still 100,000.

It's my people!

All my people's in the house.

[laughs] This your work account.

Momma, I'm about to kill your husband!

That's him right there, come here!

Come look at it.

What are you doing?

That's my people!

That's him.

[music]

[music]

[music]