Original subtitles

Oh, I can get used to coming home to this.

You like what you see?

I love it. Let me get some.

Give it a try. It's hella fun.

I wasn't talkin' about this, but...

Yeah, sure. I'll play along.

Just give it a try.

Okay. [clears throat]

Okay.

Let's try again. Let's say we keep it up.

It's in the hips. Bring it around town.

No trouble, no trouble.

There you go.

There we go. Ah.

Whoo.

Oh.

You're doing that pretty well.

Is there something you wanna tell me

or would you just rather me stumble across it

on the internet?

Well, there's a lot of things that you could stumble across

on the internet, but, uh, this isn't it.

What's in the box?

Uh, the fire department bought some drones.

What? That's dope.

What do y'all need drones for?

Well, it's a safe way for us to scan rooftops

and see if anybody's up there.

And it can, uh, cover more ground to you know,

to detect search operations.

And, and it has an infrared camera.

And the infrared camera can, you know,

detect heat from 40 feet away.

Yeah.

Can I play with it?

What about did I just say makes you think this is a toy?

It sounded fun.

Malik, this costs more money

than you have, okay?

And that's not saying much. All right?

[phone chimes] One minute.

Uh, it's Uncle Curtis.

He wants me to come over there and help him with something.

Uh, okay.

Malik, no hula hooping in the house, man, all right?

I've gotta put this up and then I'ma head over there.

Y'all can't afford to break nothin' in here, all right?

You can't fix anything.

[music]

[Ella]: Careful. I want it right over here, baby.

Right there. Right there.

Back. Okay.

Well, according to the book, it's supposed to go right here.

Is this good?

What do you think?

Well, I don't like the view.

Not from right there. I don't like that view.

What about right here? Right here, Calvin.

- This way. - [Miranda]: Okay.

Lift with your knees, Calvin. Careful.

Ella, Miranda, can y'all please make a decision?

Okay, you are more confusing than a Black man

with an English accent.

Okay.

Hey, everybody.

How are you?

Uncle Curtis, you need me for something?

Yeah, man.

Your aunt Ella and her sidekick are rearranging the furniture.

So if you don't mind, help out Calvin, please.

Lately, CJ, I have been feelin' you know, like I couldn't focus

and so I was telling Miranda about it when I was helping out

at the office. And she told me about Feng Shui.

Yes.

You looking at me like I know what that is.

Oh. Feng Shui is the Chinese art of rearranging your furniture

to harmonize with one's energy.

[Ella]: Yeah.

Don't look at me. Happy wife, happy life.

So I bought this book, so that I could help Ms. Ella

arrange the room according to what's best for her energy.

I figured it couldn't hurt to try.

This house could use a little harmony.

Ella, if you wanted harmony,

you shoulda started an acapella group, not this ridiculousness.

Okay, I have one more thing to check.

I need to go in the kitchen to see if the windows are facing

east or west. I'll be right back.

Yes. Okay, so I need this to be...

Excuse me.

How much longer does she have to be here?

Calvin, I know it bothers you that she is here,

but she loves us.

And she's having a hard time trying to find her place

in this world since your divorce.

She is the mother of my grandbaby

and she deserves my support.

Okay, quick question. Which way is east?

This way.

Oh, perfect. Great.

Thanks for helping my mom with her energy flow.

Hey, have any of guys heard about the break-ins

in the neighborhood?

A house got robbed two nights ago,

and an apartment got hit last night.

Maybe we could just invite him over here to steal

some of our stuff.

Then we could buy all new furniture

with the insurance money.

That is so scary.

People in your house when you're not home

going through your stuff?

I know that's right.

Praise God we have not had to deal with that.

But probably because our house was already Feng Shui'd right.

And now you're messing up the Shui by changing it.

Ta-ta-ta. Ya think?

How much longer do we have to do this, Lisa?

You mean if you wanna slay in a bikini?

Yes. That is my dream summer body.

Well, keep dreaming 'cause we're gonna be doing this

until summer.

I wish there was a magic pill we could take that would just

snatch our bodies up.

The trick is to get you a man that can adjust

to your body type.

If you fat, get you a chubby chaser.

If you got little breasts, get you a man with little hands.

It's all about perspective.

Hmm. Do you think men go through all of this trouble for us?

Some. But I like me a thick brother.

I can't do no skinny man.

It's like spoonin' with a bag of hangers.

That's crazy.

Well, speak of the devil.

Malik, what are you doing?

Your dad told us to leave his drone alone.

Since when do I listen to him?

Malik, that is so cool.

Isn't it?

It even has a monitor and a remote,

so you can see everything while you're flying.

Hey.

Hey, you wanna try it out, babe?

Yes, I've been dying to see something.

Cool.

Where you about to fly to?

[Lisa]: I knew it. Y'all all got the same problem.

What?

[Lisa]: You have tons of Frisbees on your roof.

The Fergusons next door is swimming naked, y'all.

What? I wanna see.

Oh, oh, ooh!

Oh, Mr. Ferguson must be an alcoholic 'cause he is

walking around with a six pack.

Let me go get that thing from her before she catch a case.

Oh, I like it when you're assertive, Boo.

Well, go ahead and come over here

and give me some lips there, baby.

Yeah. I'm gonna need some more of that when I come back inside,

- all right? - [Lisa]: Okay, Zaddy.

[Malik]: Now, that's enough. Give me the remote control.

[Laura]: Wait, hold on. I just want to see one more thing.

[Malik]: What? What?

[Laura]: I just want to see how high it can go.

[Malik]: That's not a good idea.

[Laura]: Why not?

[Malik]: Once it's out of range, it falls back down to earth.

Mr. Payne's window.

Mr. Payne's drone.

Ooh.

I think you got, I think you got a problem, Laura.

Me?

I just flew it.

How was I supposed to know you couldn't go high enough

to see if your neighbors are growing weed?

Mr. Payne is gonna kill us.

What are we gonna do?

Um, you know what?

It's a hobby shop not too far from here.

Maybe we can get it fixed before dad shows up tonight.

There's no way.

Do you want to stay here and find out?

Hell no. Let's go.

Man, the Feng Shui I ain't going back over there.

The hell you're not.

You're not letting me go back over there by myself.

That chiffarobe is a two-man job.

You got Uncle Curtis.

Okay, you don't got Uncle Curtis.

Thank you.

I love him, but sometimes he can be lazy as hell.

I once saw him eat a basket of fries without using his hands.

He just placed it on his shoulder

and turned his head like...

Hey man, you got something to drink?

Yeah, check the fridge.

Whoa. You, you do know your back window is busted out?

What?

Is there anything missing?

I don't know. Look around.

I can't believe it's gonna take three days

to repair my dad's drone.

We are so dead.

What do we say?

I don't know.

CJ, your back door was unlocked.

Hey.

Hey, babe.

Hey, baby.

The drone is missing.

Say what?

We got, got.

Somebody broke in and took my drone.

- What? - What?

Wow.

Yeah, my boy hooked you up.

This security system costs twice as much what he charged you.

So this system, that's gonna alert me every time

that somebody comes into the house?

It has microphones, cameras, motion detectors.

Like, I can see and hear everything that a burglar does?

Yep. I tried to get my parents to get this security system,

but my pops refuses.

Uncle Curtis being cheap, huh?

Of course.

Every time I bring it up, he's like, pay for protection?

Why would I do that?

I got a pistol and two hands that are real.

That's it.

What's all this?

Oh, I'm installing a security system, you know.

Ever since that burglar broke in,

I don't wanna take any more chances.

Uh, Dad? Uh...

I'm just glad that the insurance company is, uh, going to cover

everything and that we came home and scared them off

before they took anything else.

Wait. What does that mean?

They only took the drone, so my guess is that they

broke in through that window and they grabbed that first.

Yeah, they woulda took more, but me and CJ came home

and they went through the back door.

That's probably why it's unlocked.

Mr. Payne, we have something to tell you.

That scenario that you just described is--

Sounds completely feasible.

Huh?

Yeah. I mean, what other explanation

could there be, right?

Yeah, that makes sense.

Well, it's all done. The house is secure.

Everything is good.

Miranda changed her mind again.

She wants us to go back over there and

rearrange the furniture again.

You know, it's weird.

We're divorced, but she still thinks she can order me around.

Yeah, that's crazy weird. Man. Good luck with that.

Uh-uh. You're coming with me.

I helped you install that alarm system.

You can help me out.

I thought you were doing this out of pure Christian goodness.

Well, God also hates laziness.

It would be unChristian of me to let you stay here.

What book in the Bible is that in?

The book of bring your ass. Well, come on.

Ella.

What?

This room does not make even a bit of damn sense.

Curtis! The book says that this configuration

optimizes the flow of positive energy.

What does that even mean?

I don't know.

It just means that you move it to make the energy flow

the best you can.

Are you just defining optimizing instead of

answering the question?

Okay, look. I just saw this book on Oprah's favorite things

and I thought it would be fun for me and Ms. Ella to do it.

Look at this furniture.

It looks like we put it in a cup and rolled it out like dice.

I hate the way this looks.

Agreed. So can they please put everything back the way it was?

Do you mind, guys?

If it means no more lifting and rearranging, we got you.

That's what it means.

CJ.

Did you hear any updates on that break-in?

Not yet.

But he did put in that security system I've been

trying to get you to buy.

Yeah, it's really nice, Unc.

You need to try that out.

Try it out for what? I got a pistol.

And these hands are everything.

Yeah. I know your hands are nice, Unc, but uh,

what if you're not here to put hands on somebody?

You don't want them taking your stuff.

I mean, what can you do anyway if you're not there?

Oh, there's a lot.

The system can automatically call the police.

You can see everything going on in the house

and you can even watch them make the arrest in real time

if you wanted to.

Show 'em, CJ.

Yeah.

It comes with, uh, audio-visual capabilities,

that everything that's going on in the house,

you can hear and see everything going on.

Can you see?

Well, I'll be. Look at that.

It just doesn't feel right to keep lying to your dad.

I mean, I tried to call some more places,

but no one can repair Mr. Payne's drone in time.

Repair my drone?

What are they talking about?

[Malik]: Not that it matters,

but my dad already reported it stolen.

But he's going to find out.

No, you're looking at this all wrong.

Okay? Now that the drone is stolen,

the insurance company will pay for it.

It's a win-win.

Now my dad won't know that we broke his window

flying his drone.

Okay.

Don't worry about it.

Those little...

They played with that drone after I specifically told them

not to and then made me believe that the house got broken into.

That's messed up.

I can't believe they would do such a thing.

I'm so disappointed in them.

I blame their parents.

What's going on? But there's lighting.

Why is it so dark in here?

[gasps]

What you doin'?

Have a seat, Son.

What you doin' all creepin' around in the dark?

You scared the crap outta me.

I said, sit!

Everything all right, Dad? You're kinda scarin' me.

Why are you scared?

I mean, if you're being a good, honest son,

there's no reason for you to be scared.

I mean...

It is kinda dark down here and you're just sittin' down

here with all these crazy--

Enough with the frivolous banter!

Where were you when this scurrulous break-in

and the violation of the sanctity of my home occured?

Um... Um...

Spit it out!

Um, Dad, you're using a lot of big words

and you're making me nervous.

Where were all of you?

We were cleaning.

Cleaning?

Uh-huh.

You're gonna stick with that?

Why are the lights off?

Lisa.

- Hey, Lisa, baby-- - Hey!

Don't talk to her.

In fact, go to Uncle Curtis's house.

Have a seat.

Everything okay, Mr. P?

Lisa...

Where were all of you

when my house was being burgularized by common thieves?

We were watching TV.

Watching TV.

Hmm. And uh,

what is it that you were watching?

Well, we were uh, I don't know.

I can't remember.

Oh, you can't remember.

How convenient.

Hello, Laura.

Hello, CJ.

Nice to see you.

What is it that all of you were doing

when the unfortunate crime occurred?

Um, we were reading the Bible.

Bible study!

[whistles]

That's a good one.

But it's a stretch,

because Malik has never been one to read the Bible.

I got three diffrent stories.

Cleaning, watching TV, Bible study.

Somebody's lying.

I think all three of you are lying.

You want to get something off your chest?

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm good.

No, no, no, no, no, no. You're not good because...

I know that you were playing with my drone

and that's how my window got broken.

Damn. Are you psychic?

You know my grandma got the shine.

I don't need the shine. I got this!

[Malik]: And now my dad won't know that we broke his window

flying his drone.

Um, uh, Dad?

Dad, nothing!

You used municipal property when I told you not to

specifically you played with it

and then you lied to me about it.

Well, see, technically we didn't lie about it.

You assumed and we just let you keep assuming.

Which was wrong. It was.

And uh, we shouldn't have done that.

And we're sorry, CJ.

We're even paying to get it fixed.

You're paying to fix something that you broke?

Oh, should I be saying thank you?

I should be saying thank you.

I let you stay in my house

for free, rent free.

Eat up my food,

baby waking me up at night

when I gotta go to work.

And this is the thanks I get?

CJ, listen.

I don't have to listen to this bull.

No more talking, please.

I thought more of you guys.

I thought you were better than this.

I tried to tell you. You can't fly it that high.

- How was I supposed to know? - Because I was telling you.

I was tellin' you not to touch the drone.

We ain't gonna put this one on me 'cause when I was flying it

by myself without y'all two, everything was fine.

I ain't crash it.

Hey, Dad. We got your drone back.

They said it's as good as new.

We also called the insurance company and cancelled the claim.

We told them what happened.

We even went down to the fire department and apologized.

It's the least we could do.

Thank you.

Maybe you're not as selfish as I thought.

Now,

anybody want to have fun?

Wait. What about not playing with city property?

We're not playing.

Anybody asks you, you guys are all volunteer fire fighters.

Okay.

Let's go.

Okay.

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