Original subtitles

- ♪

- Thank you so much

for helping us get this backyard together.

When we're finished,

oh, it's gonna be so pretty.

Even the squirrels are gonna

wipe their feet before they come back here.

- [laughing]

- But just remember our deal.

We weed. You feed.

- Two days' worth of dinners now for each of us.

- I got you.

I wish I could pay all of my workers in food.

- I once got tipped in prime rib.

- Do not tell me that you took meat from a complete stranger.

- It was still early in our relationship.

She was hungry, and I had somebody else's Postmates.

So we made it work.

- [giggling]

- I bet you did.

Curtis, what's wrong, baby? What's wrong?

- Baby, Greg Bernard died.

- Greg? Oh, Curtis. No.

- Who is Greg Bernard?

- Uncle Curtis friend from childhood.

- I've known Greg so long,

I can't think of the time I didn't know him.

And now he gone.

And it's all my fault.

- What are you talking about, baby?

How did Greg die?

- Elwood was in the barbershop, and he started talking about how

he could out dance me back in the day.

We know that ain't true, so I had to challenge him.

You know how I do, baby.

I gotta-- gotta get that James on him.

I mean, I did the little robot then I did the

"Womp Womp Wha Wha Wha Woop."

I went on the floor, I did all that.

And I passed it to him.

- Mr. Bernard laughed and served Pops.

Then Pops dropped down and did the worm on Mr. Bernard.

- What? - Whaaaaa?

- Then Mr. Bernard just dropped right there in the barbershop.

- Fell face first in a pile of curly hair.

I mean, Floyd called the ambulance.

By the time they got there, it was too late.

And it's all my fault, Ella, all my fault.

I mean-- I didn't realize that my moves were still so lethal.

I mean... Why, Lord, why?

Why did you curse me with so much talent,

even at this age,

that no man... no mortal man can keep up with me?

- [theme music]

- What you doing, baby? - Hey baby.

- I thought you were going to take the clothes

that we're donating to the Help Center

down to the Help Center.

- Hey baby, I'm sitting here just...

looking at some old pictures of me and Greg.

That's us when we was in the third grade.

That's me in the fourth grade, and then me in the fifth grade.

- Where's Greg?

- Oh, he was held back in the third grade.

He wasn't that smart,

but he stayed my friend.

I'll tell you, Ella,

you never know when the good Lord is going to call you home.

Hmm.

- Well, you're right about that, Curtis.

So, baby, have you thought about updating your will?

- Yeah, I've been thinking about it.

- Well, you need to.

- I will.

Ella, I don't want you

closing up stuff alone without me.

- But Curtis, what if you go first?

You need to determine right now what happens when you die.

Who gets your house, who gets your pension.

What do you want done with your body?

- [snorts]

You know why I never updated my will?

- Why, Curtis?

- It's too depressing, Ella.

- Well, Curtis, I know it's not a fun thing

to think about, but baby we're all going to die one day.

And let's be honest.

Me and you have more yesterdays than tomorrows.

- I guess it's like trying to sleep when you got to pee.

You can stay curled up

in the bed, but eventually, you got to deal with it.

- Curtis, if a bathroom analogy

helps you understand what I just said, then okay, yes, it is.

Just like that.

- It's going to be whatever you say it is anyway.

- No, I want you to decide, baby.

And we don't have to hire a lawyer to get it done.

You can go online and set it all up.

They have a lot of sites to set it up.

- Okay, I'll look into it,

but I still hope you go first.

That way,

I don't have to be up there upstairs.

And the good upstairs...

yonder, worried about you.

- That's beautiful, Curtis.

I think?

- Estate property.

Okay, well, Ella gets the house, of course.

Who gets the golf clubs?

Who of them plays?

Calvin.

Calvin is the most likely to play.

Okay.

Okay, now who gets my exotic swimwear?

Who's daring enough to walk in my thongs?

None of them.

Grandbabies.

Whichever grandbaby is buff enough.

Yeah, like his grandpapa.

[grunts]

- Oh, man. What, you blocked up, Uncle Curtis?

They got yoga for that.

- Okay. Yeah.

Why are you walking an orchard through my house?

- We're finishing up the backyard.

Mom wants us to plant these fruit trees.

- That doesn't answer my question.

Why are they inside the house?

What, you planting them in the bathtub?

- No, the gate to the backyard is locked.

That's why I'm cutting through the house.

- Uh, uh, uh...

How about I go unlock the gate?

And that way you don't have

to be cutting through here and not break any of my stuff.

Then I don't have to cut you.

- Tired.

- "The last will and testament of Curtis Payne."

- What?

- Wait, Uncle Curtis has a will?

I want to see.

- No, no, no, we can't look at that.

That's private.

- Absolutely.

What's in my dad's will is his business.

- All right.

I wonder if he left me anything.

- Calvin, you're not just a little bit curious?

- Well, I guess me knowing what I'm getting won't hurt anything.

Golf clubs?

I don't even golf.

I wouldn't mind learning though.

- Looks like he just started.

- Oh, then we still have time then.

- Time for what?

- Well, this is a great opportunity

to get in on the ground floor of Uncle Curtis's will.

Like you said, he's just now starting to give away stuff.

- That's weird.

Like we're a bunch of vultures

circling around my dad, waiting for him to die so we

could get our hands on his stuff.

- Why are y'all still in here?

- I told both of them we should leave,

but they don't respect you like I do, Dad.

Like I said, we should get out of my daddy's house.

- Suck up.

- I can't take any chances.

- Curtis? - [giggles]

- Hey, baby. Mm-mm, mm-mm.

Are you ever going to paint the back patio like you promised?

- Yeah, baby, I'm gonna get it.

- And when do you plan on doing that, baby?

- Well, I planned on doing it when you first asked me.

I just don't want to do it yet.

- Curtis, the whole family is

pitching in to beautify our backyard.

So far, you're the only one who hasn't done anything.

- That's because I'm the supervisor

and I make sure everybody's doing it right and tight.

- [exasperated groan]

- Okay.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

- No, you'll thank me later.

- Buh bye. - What you looking at?

What are you looking at?

- Curtis.

- You better go on and stop.

Stop, Ella!

Calvin.

- Oh, hello, Father.

I remember Mom asked you to paint the back porch.

Now I have some time, so I figured I'd do it for you.

- All right. How much you want?

- Oh, no, no, no. Don't insult me.

Now, you gave life to me.

I'd be happy to make your life easier.

- Okay. Maybe I did raise you right.

- Hey, Uncle Curtis. - [gasps]

- Guess who made smothered turkey necks,

greens, and cornbread just for you?

- My mama?

- [laughter]

- I did.

I got the recipe from the Internet.

- Why are you bringing me food?

Am I on "Hidden Video"?

Y'all got the--

- No, Uncle Curtis. We love you and we want to express our

love for you through turkey necks.

- Okay.

Smells delicious.

Very delicious. Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Thank you.

- CJ: Uncle Curtis!

- Excuse me.

- Hey.

Hey y'all.

What's happening, man?

How's my favorite uncle?

- Hey.

- I had some extra time

on my hands and I said, you know what?

Why don't I just take up a new hobby? You know what I mean?

You want to get your Tiger Woods on?

- CJ, I haven't played golf in years.

How do you even remember I play?

- You got a set of clubs, don't you?

- Yeah, I do.

- And you want to play or not?

- Yeah.

Yeah, Nephew.

I want to play.

- That's good. That's good.

We gonna hit the back eighteen.

- You mean the back nine?

- That's right.

Golf with my favorite uncle.

- The sheets are all done, Mr. Payne.

- Oh, good good good good good.

Are you okay?

- Just give me a minute.

- You know, I really appreciate you washing everything.

Hmm...

Did you use the Apple Blossom scent?

- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, yeah, I like the Submarine for the sheets.

- I didn't know there was a difference.

- Yeah, yeah, the Submarine helps me sleep better.

The Apple Blossom is for my socks and underwear.

- I'm sorry. - Well, you know,

nothing says sorry like rewashing.

Making it right.

- Alright. - I'm really sorry.

- I'll rewash and dry everything.

- Oh, that's great. Thank you.

God bless your heart.

All the other parts.

Watching her work like that makes me thirsty.

So thirsty where is this--

- [bell ringing]

- --this boy at?

- [bell ringing] - You rang?

- Okay.

Could you please bring me a grape soda on ice, please?

- Right away. - Chop, chop.

- Okay Unc.

Just changed the oil in your car.

Going to go home, get washed up.

- Oh okay.

Did you uh, do Ella's car?

- No, uh I don't have the filter or the right oil for her car.

- Yeah, yeah right.

Better hurry up and go before they close.

- Huh? - CURTIS: Auto store.

Get the oil.

Her car uses different oil than mine.

- Oh. - CURTIS: Yeah.

And, um, don't forget the oil filters.

Drain it out.

Let it drain, you put it in there.

- Okay.

- You might have to flush it. Check it.

- I'll be right back.

- Okay. You move kind of slow.

Okay.

- Here's your grape soda, Uncle Curtis.

- Thought I was gonna die.

[laughing]

- Those are square ice cubes?

- Um.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Yeah, I'm not feeling the square ice cubes.

Make them round.

- How am I supposed to do that?

- Well, if I knew that, I'd do it myself, wouldn't I?

- You're right. you're right. - Yeah.

Make them round.

He asks so many questions.

- He just wants to make sure he does everything

exactly how you like it. - CURTIS: Okay.

- Malik really wants to make you happy.

Much more than the rest of the other family members.

- Oh, okay.

[unintelligible]

I'm glad you stayed behind while CJ went to auto store.

Really? - I sure am.

You know, after you finish the laundry,

I need you to go jump on that attic for me.

Clean that sucker out.

It's been a while since I've been in there.

- Okay.

- Okay, all right.

And again, don't worry about getting bit by anything.

Because there's a few things up there.

If you get bit, just... rabies builds character.

- "Rabies builds character?"

- [grunts in agreement]

- I don't know what's gotten into Uncle Curtis.

He's been so demanding lately. Acting all helpless.

- Y'all could complain all y'all want,

but none of you have seen the horrors that I've seen.

- What did he have you do?

- Boxers. Briefs.

Underwear.

- Did cleaning out the attic stress you that bad?

- Not as bad as the skidmarks did.

I hope he remembers me in his will.

I at least earned me some patio furniture.

- What did you do? You cleaned out an attic.

You washed some clothes. No. I've been dealing with him

the longest, so I should get dibs on his stuff.

- Come on, Dad. You're old.

- Watch yourself, Son.

- No, I meant you're older. Don't you think the bulk

of Uncle Curtis's wealth should go to the new generation?

- No.

I mean, all I'm thinking about is retirement.

- And we're thinking about our family.

- Like, how much longer do we have to suck up to him?

- Um...

I mean, until he goes.

- Come on, Dad. He's got good genes.

This could take forever.

- Damn it.

I mean, thank you, but

damn it!

- Man, we're going to be sucking up to him for years.

- Atlanta traffic! [laughs]

- Hey, baby. - Hi, baby.

- How was shopping with Grace?

- It was great.

- Oh, Lord, you found a bargain.

- I sure did.

And listen, I bought us some winter...

Curtis, the house is so clean.

- [laughing]

- And uh, why do I smell Apple Blossom?

I didn't do laundry.

- Uh no, you didn't have to.

Lisa did it.

- And why did Lisa do laundry?

- The same reason CJ changed

the oil in our cars and Malik waited on me hand

and foot, and Lisa cleaned the attic.

- Curtis, you made her go into the rabies rafters?

- Somebody had to clean up those dead squirrels.

- What possessed them to be at your beck and call?

- They wanted to be in the will.

- How do you know that, Curtis?

- Because it all makes sense.

CJ even talked about the golf clubs that I was leaving Calvin.

- Man, that's so ghoulish.

They wouldn't do that, Curtis. - CURTIS: [grunts]

- I waited 2 hours in line at the DMV.

- Thank you, sir. - Here's your registration.

- Oh, thank you.

Yeah, they would.

- Huh?

- Oh, nothing.

I'm just telling your mom

how helpful you've all been today, everybody.

- Oh, yeah. We appreciate you.

Me more than them.

And don't forget, I'm your son.

- Oh trust me, I've tried to forget many times.

- [laughing]

Good one, Pops.

- Okay.

I guess I was wrong.

- While you were out, they detailed your car.

Come see.

- What am I going to do with this man?

- Come on. - Here I come, baby.

Who detailed it?

- All of them.

- Hey, Pops.

You want to play catch like we used to?

Pops?

Mom?

Oh, hell, no.

He's spending all his money before he dies

and only leaving enough for his funeral expenses.

"Calvin, Stop being nosy.

"Wait till I die to see what you get.

You jerk."

Man.

Hey, CJ.

You're not going to believe this, Pops played us all.

- Y'all heard?

[laughing]

- ♪

- ♪