All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S11E03 - Bag Men WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

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Original subtitles

- No, no, no, Ella. I'm gonna need two of these.

- Hey, hey. Mama, listen. - Hey, baby.

- Your baby boy has finally come up in a major way.

- I'm not surprised.

When I pushed you in that stroller

to your first baseball practice, I told your coach,

eventually he's gonna walk.

And someday hit a home run.

- Oh, and this one, [imitates hit].

It's out the park.

- [laughs] So proud of you, baby.

So proud of you.

- Your boy is about to get that bag.

- Get that bag, baby. Come on. Get that bag.

- [smooching]

- What kind a bag?

- Ends, bands, loot. - Ends, bands, loot.

- A bag means I'm about to get paid.

And I'm talkin' grown man money.

Your boy's not that little solider scared to fight anymore.

- [laughs]

- Wait!

- Mama, they shootin' outside.

- [inaudible]

- Ella! - Hey, baby.

- Baby, it's official!

Curtis Boss is the newest, most barbecue-est

member of the Atlanta Food Truck Community.

- [laughing] What did you do, baby?

What did you do?

- I acquired a food truck, right outside.

- Baby, you actually bought a food truck?

- I said acquired.

And all it needs is a transmission.

And engine mounts, and tires, and vinyl wrap.

- Oh, that vinyl wrap is a good look.

It could cover the bullet holes...

- ELLA: Bullet holes? Curtis!

Baby, Curtis, no.

Curtis...where did you get this rollin' trap house?

- Acquired.

I acquired it, baby.

And this gently-used food truck with all

the equipment I need in it to start sellin' barbecue

tomorrow, you heard me.

- Curtis, I am happy that you have found something

to pursue in your retirement, baby.

- Thank you. - And your 'cue is amazing.

- It is, it is.

- Well, baby, you need another food truck.

- Well, does it have cooking utensils?

- Got 'em.

- What about a sink and a water supply?

- Got it.

- What about a stove and a propane tank?

And some matches?

- Got it, it, it.

- Baby, you need a food truck that's worthy of your food.

Got it?

- It's not gonna happen.

Baby...

- Acquiring an attitude...

me.

- Ella, listen. If I pimp this joker out and get a health rate

in two days, I get a prime spot

at the food truck park.

65 walk-up patrons an hour.

- I'm walking out.

- Baby, that's walkin' in.

- ELLA: Curtis!

- So, Pops, looks like you about to get that bag, too.

- Too?

- Oh, well, your son, I acquired a...

- Boy, you know I like that word.

What did you acquire, Son?

- Oh, a new international client.

They stream content all over the world,

but they wanna use my platform

to distribute in North America.

- Look at you!

Now, that's a bag.

- Oh, yeah, it's gonna be a few bags.

- Well, I'm gonna go get my bag.

- Oh, I'm gonna take your bag and put it in my bag.

- [laughs] Woo, that's a big bag!

- Uh-huh.

- ♪

- [airplane flying overhead]

- ♪

♪♪

- What you got for me, Malik?

- Bruised knuckles and pissed-offed-ness.

Yeah, that's a new word I just made up

'cause that's how mad I am.

- Mm-hmm.

It seems like you need

a little hard work to clear up that aggression.

- Fixin' a transmission isn't a little hard work.

It's one part wizardry and three parts

why the hell am I doing this?

- Well, Malik, you will thank me once I have

a convoy of trucks

and you're the vice president of operations.

- No. I'm gonna thank you

when you take that ghetto Millennium Falcon

to a mechanic.

- I am fire.

Okay?

- What you got for me, Lisa?

- All right, so I called five locations,

got each business to offer me the lowest price of all five.

- Now, that's my chief of operations

officer right there.

- Wait, so what does that make me?

Vice president of operations?

- That's right.

You'll be reporting to me, baby.

It's so exciting, right?

I mean, we'll be working very closely together.

- How so?

I got more working experience with Uncle Curtis.

I'm the problem solver.

- Have you got that transmission fixed

on the truck yet, sweetie?

- [scoffs] It's a transmission,

not an air freshener, my love.

- Then the problem's not solved, babe.

- You have to excuse the VP, Lisa.

He's got a bad case of, uh, what was it?

Pissed-offed-ness?

- Well, Mr. Payne, since you're the founder

and the chairman of Wipe Me Down International...

- Yeah, still terrible marketing.

- I think it's only right that I inform you

that I will be reporting Malik to HR.

- Lisa, I respect your decision. - Thank you.

- And I support you.

- [laughs] Okay, okay, I see what this is.

This is just three adults playin' make believe right now.

Okay.

- I'm...I'm...what...

- Oh yeah, yeah.

You, Mr. Monopoly,

and I'm here to run my business into the ground

until I go bankrupt and everybody goes to the jail.

Let's play!

- Malik, I'm glad that you think that

generational wealth is a joke, but I'm trying

to teach you the business from the ground up

so you can pass it on to your lactose intolerant kids.

- LISA: Mm-hmm.

- How did you know kid was lactose intolerant?

- Everybody want the money, everybody want the paper,

but nobody wants the busted knuckles.

- Mr. Monopoly?

Don't make the boss mad.

It promotes a toxic work environment.

- [scoffs] Well, I'm sorry.

You weren't the one

under a old food truck tryin' to figure out how

to fix a transmission.

- That's right. I was the one calling

transmission repair shops to get quotes on the repairs.

- Wait, that was an option?

- Black girl magic is always an option.

That's what I do!

- Yeah, I know.

- Hey, hey. - What up, Cousin?

- Hey, CJ. - How you doing?

Janine's on her way back, so I need my cologne.

My favorite cologne.

- I have your cologne?

- Stop playin'.

- [phone dings]

- Man, Uncle Curtis is killing me.

- What's going on?

- [sighs] He's "indoctrinating" Malik

and Lisa into the "family barbecue business"

in the name of "generational wealth".

- Okay, that's way too many air quotes for one sentence.

- Malik is "vice president" of operations.

And, uh, Lisa is "chief operating officer".

- Well, I don't see the issue with what Pops is doing.

- Yeah, I mean, I'm sure they're both getting

equal amounts of equity in the business.

- Ain't no equity in a food truck

that even roaches are scared of.

- Yeah, but that's not the point.

Point is, Malik's the oldest

and he knows the boss, so he should get more.

- [laughs] Well, Lisa is Malik's boss,

so her bag should be bigger.

The dancers always do all of the work, but yet

the man who owns the club is the one who walks away

with the most money.

- That's because he owns the "establishment".

- Okay, the air quotes...

CJ.

- So wait. You think Pops is guilty

of pay disparities based on gender?

- I don't think it. I know it.

- No, that's not what he's doing.

He's giving Lebron James and Venus Williams

the exact same amount of money.

- [scoffs] Okay, CJ, you do know that those

are two different sports, right?

- Listen, I'm a grown man with a mortgage and four kids.

Y'all not gonna talk to me any kind of way.

- [laughs] Okay, you know it was Lisa who told me

that it was Venus who spoke up for women's pay

at Wimbledon.

- So now she's operations guru and sports historian?

- [scoffs] What, she can't be both because she used

to be a "stripper"?

- Oh, you not gonna say nothing about her air quotes?

- No, she's using them properly.

But you're being a little judgmental.

- Uh, when did hatin' on CJ become a national holiday?

- It was the chauvinistic, archaic mindset

and the improper use of air quotes for me.

- So before this gets more awkward, can I show you guys

my social media platform that's gonna make me rich?

- Uh, baby, does it objectify women

or give women less rights than men?

- Absolutely not? It's an algorithm.

- All right.

- I would air quote algorithm but I know it would

get me crucified.

- You right.

- Okay, all employees shall receive fair wage

and be paid on time, blah, blah, blah.

We don't need that.

- Curtis? - Yeah, baby?

- What's going on with the food truck?

- Oh, tow truck will be here soon.

- Good.

Because if it doesn't go, then you gotta go.

- The truck's almost cleaned out.

If everything goes on schedule, it should be fully operational

in the next day and a half.

- Do what now?

- Well, Lisa, what on earth do you mean?

I mean, what is she talking about?

- Baby, you said the tow truck was coming

to take that rust bucket away.

- It's gettin' towed to the repair shop.

I'm kinda killin' my job.

I sorta love this.

- I hate this job!

It's not even a real job yet.

- Curtis, you're paying these kids

to fix that roach coach?

- You know what? It's crazy.

I didn't find one single roach in there.

But I did find some instructions on Post-It notes.

Don't touch without a tetanus shot.

Don't drink this water.

This is not a blood stain.

- Okay, if you really wanna know, I acquired

the services of Malik and Lisa for equity

in the Wipe Me Down empire.

- Equity?

How much did you bamboozle them into thinking

they were gonna get?

- 10%. - 15%.

- Wait, what?

I thought we were makin' the same amount.

- Oh, this just got good.

- Mr. Payne, I would like equal pay.

- What...I'm sorry...

Malik is older.

And he's a male.

- What? - Curtis, that's not right.

- Well, she's already gettin' free food.

- So you're paying him more because he's a man?

- And your point is?

- This sounds like a Lilly Ledbetter case.

- She doesn't work for me.

- She worked for Goodyear for 19 years before she

found out she was gettin' paid thousands of dollars

less than her male counterparts.

- [scoffs] What does that have to do with me?

- Oh, hell have no fury like a woman snubbed

pay stub, that's what!

- You all always acting like you the only ones that

can be furious.

I'm furious, too!

I'm allowed to be like that.

I was out there

and busting my knuckles underneath that food truck.

It's just crazy!

- I guess a bag is easier to get than I thought.

- Curtis, where'd this money come from?

- I acquired it?

- ♪

- Curtis, what in the Hello Kitty is going on?

- Well, the bag was in one of the boxes in the truck.

- Was it there when we were cleanin' it out?

- No, Mr. Monopoly snuck in and dropped it off

when we weren't lookin'.

- Curtis?

You have an explanation?

- Yeah, God is good.

- Nuh-huh. - All the time.

- God is good.

- Let my people say.

- This...got nothin' to do with God.

This ain't got nothing to do with God.

- Well, baby, you say God is in the midst of all of it.

- Stop it, Curtis. - Waymaker. Huh?

Miracle worker, light in darkness.

You was just singing that in your sleep last night.

- You gonna get this whole house

struck down by lightning.

Now, Curtis, where did you get the truck?

- I don't know, baby. We don't use our real names

in the black market.

- Lord, this is drug money. You gonna get us all merked.

- And by black market, I hope you mean

the swap meet off Bankhead.

- Ella, I am an entrepreneur, okay?

I'm working my business, I do whatever it takes

to work my business from the ground up.

Okay? It's off the hustle for the muscle, baby.

- Okay, Curtis. Well, use your muscle

and take that truck back and get rid of this money.

Immediately.

- But baby, I wouldn't even know where to find

Gorilla Mafia 187 right now.

- Yep, we're all gonna be dead before the grand opening.

- Okay, CJ, I finally got access

to the firefighter directory you gave me. Thanks for that.

- Yeah. I can get you free exclusive content

to the first responders.

They gonna have to call me Negroflix.

- And Lisa gave us a whole list of names,

but this a entire database of uh...

- She said to call them "former clients"

and former "associates".

See, CJ, that was

an appropriate place to use air quotes.

- I'd rather cut my fingers off.

- I also got my mom's contacts from the help center,

her classmates, and her church groups.

- All you're missing is the blind and the deaf.

- Whoa, you are going in.

- Highly offensive.

- I was joking. It's a joke.

- CJ, this is not a joke.

I'm responsible for 6,000 petabytes of data.

That's 18,000 terabytes per day,

200 gigabytes per second.

- English, please?

- Well, it's a proprietary client with high six figures.

- Why didn't you say that at first? Come on, man.

Let's get this money.

- Oh, I think I finally cracked my algorithm.

- [computer beeps]

- [phone dings]

- Oh.

- [Lisa gasps] - Yeah.

- You gonna have to change this algorithm.

- Um, baby, I thought you said this would not

objectify women.

- What do you mean?

- You don't know the content?

- You in the porn industry now.

- Uh, they prefer the term adult entertainment.

- Is this what you're streaming to the first responders?

- And the help center clients?

- And the church groups.

- Wait a minute. This can't be happening.

I didn't know my client had an adult entertainment line.

- Calvin, you know that feeling that you're feeling

crushing your chest?

- Yep. That's exactly what it feels like.

- That is nothing compared to what you gonna feel

when Aunt Ella choking the hell outta you.

- Okay, we gotta fix this.

- What other church groups did you contact?

- Uh, the choir.

- Well, I mean, they all freaks anyway.

- And the deacons.

- I can talk to those guys.

- The missionaries, the church mothers.

Sunday school, Bible study, the pastor,

the first lady, and the multimedia minister.

- No contact with the Pope, huh?

- What happens if you stop the stream?

- I'll lose my contract. I'm dead either way.

- We gotta get to Aunt Ella before she sees this.

- CALVIN: Yeah.

- I'm praying for you, baby!

- ♪

- Is that it? I think that's it. - Hey.

- Hey, baby. - Hey, Ma.

- I think that's it. - What you doing?

- I am looking for a video that the choir director

sent me, and... What are you doing?

- That phone has a bug in it. I saw it on the news.

I gotta destroy it.

- What am I gonna do for a phone?

- Oh, I'll buy you a new one.

- Aw, Mama's baby gonna buy her a phone

with his wittle bag.

- It's real little now.

- Ooh wee!

Look at that rack!

- Uh, I'm dead.

- What you watchin, Unc?

- Oh, a video that was sent.

And it is dirty. [laughs]

The more I watch it, the more I love it.

- Okay, Mama, I could explain.

Look, I didn't know what kind of content

they would be streaming. I just...I saw the money.

- What are you talking about? - Look, I'll even go to church.

I'll apologize to everybody.

I'll...hell, I'll even sing in the choir if I have to.

Just please don't choke me.

- What happened?

- Whew, look at how hot she get.

- That.

I'm the reason why dad is streaming porn on his phone.

- Ain't nobody lookin' at no porn...today.

Nah, this Gorilla Mafia sent me a video

on how to operate the truck.

The rack, the grill.

I mean, this grill gets hot.

- We agreed you were takin' that truck and the money back.

- Oh, I did, baby. I took the money back.

- So Mafia 400,000 ain't gonna come over here and kill us?

- They never was.

- Wait. So no one is seeing Calvin's stream?

- Was that today? - Forgot about that thing.

- ELLA: I forgot.

- Thanks for the support, family.

He appreciates it.

So no one believed in Calvin except me.

- So wait, if they didn't see it, that means it only

shows up if you already have porn on your phone.

See, my algorithm only enhances what's there.

That's why it didn't pop up on their phones.

- Right.

- Pss, will you be destroying my phone?

- Nope. All good. - Thank you.

- Just like God, all the time.

- ♪

- [knocking]

- Is that my bag? - It is.

I know a few people on the black market.

- Hey, Lisa!

I really appreciate you.

- How much? - How much what?

- How much are my contributions to your future business?

- This much.

- I don't want no hug.

I wanna be compensated for my time and talent

the way a man is.

I worked for a long time every night, giving 20%

of my money to the DJ, the security,

and the man running the club.

I was the one getting harassed and doing all the dancing.

I wanna get paid the way a man is.

I know how the operations work.

- I respect that. And you know what?

I like the fact that you're standing up

for what you believe in.

And that's the kind of people I want workin' for

Wipe Me Down International.

Okay, you'll get the same equity that Malik gets.

- Thank you, Mr. Payne.

- Thank you, Madame Chief Operating Officer.

- ♪

- I like that.

- You better not tell nobody.

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪

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