All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S10E21 - The First Day WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

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Original subtitles

- ♪

- [beating a rhythm]

- [audience laughs]

- C.J...you are diligent with that workout.

- Gotta be. Five...four...three...two...one.

That's right, that's right. - ELLA: Yes, yes.

- All right, you better be careful

doing all them jumping jacks. I had an uncle that did too many,

and they had to remove his fallopian tubes.

- [audience laughs]

- ELLA: [laughs] Floyd, Floyd,

your uncle did not have fallopian tubes.

- Well, not after they took 'em out.

- [audience laughs]

- Floyd? - Hm.

- Were you able to fix that leaky faucet upstairs?

- I definitely slowed it down, but eventually,

you gon' have to replace the o-ring and the gasket.

- Sounds like I need a new faucet.

- That too.

- C.J.: Well, I appreciate you working on it,

'cuz that drip, drip, drip was keeping me up all night.

And tomorrow's my first day back to work since the fire.

- Really? Good for you, C.J., yeah.

- That's why he has me over here preparing my slow-cooked chili

to take to the station. - C.J.: Auntie?

- Yes, baby. - C.J.: Be sure to add a lot

of cayenne, cuz it's not hot unless they got

smoke coming out of their ears. - [audience laughs]

- C.J., I just did, you want more?

- [audience laughs] - So, Floyd...

- FLOYD: Hm? - You get down with the weights,

you know, keep the muscles tight?

- You know, what I need guns for when I got these rifles?

- [audience laughs]

- [chuckles] - [grunts]

- Okay, well...you know, I do cardio, too, but...

- Hm.

- You gotta stay on the weights, man, you know...

- So, you really serious about being in tip top shape

when you go back to work? - Yeah, man,

you know, it's--it's--it's mind, body, and spirit.

You know, I--I--I been on the-- on the workouts,

but I also gotta keep a strict diet.

- Mm. - [laughs]

- What?

- He was stuck to my peach cobbler three times

the other night. - Okay, but for the most part--

- ELLA: Yes. - I'm eating pretty good.

- Oh, okay. - [chuckles]

- All right, well, I gotta hand it to you, bruh,

I--I admire you.

- For what, being a fire chief? - I mean, that's cool,

but I was talking about being able to stop at three pieces

of peach cobbler. - [audience laughs]

- See, I'm a four piece minimum man myself.

- [audience laughs] - Gotta maintain that one ab.

- [audience laughs] - Yeah, I see,

you're doing a good job, I see that.

- Before...after... before...after.

- ♪

- Woo! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes.

- Mm-mm...Ella...

- Yes, yes, yes. - That chili smells good!

- Thank you, baby. C.J. asked me to come over,

make my slow-cooked chili for the firefighters.

- So, uh, you don't believe in, um,

handing out a few free samples, do you?

- It's chili, Floyd, not a perfume counter.

- [audience laughs]

- Let me ask you guys something. - Mm-hm.

- Should I go with the crease or no crease in my slacks

for the first day back to work?

- Now, that may be okay for the naked firemen

for y'all little nasty calendar,

but, uh, as far as the workplace, not so much.

- [audience laughs] - Okay, I'll go with the crease.

- So far so good.

- Initially, I was thinking, I'd go with the skinny tie.

- Okay. - C.J.: Cuz the skinny tie says,

"I'm modern, I'm in fashion, and I'm in charge."

- Okay. - What you think, Floyd?

- Hey, I see you, El Capitan. - [audience laughs]

- Chief. - My bad.

- [chuckles]

- Then I thought, I'll go with the wider tie,

'cuz the wider tie says,

"I'm classic, I'm comfortable, I'm confident."

- Mmm.

- Interesting choice, now what you gon' do about the socks?

- Oh! Forgot the socks!

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, what difference does socks make?

- BOTH: What? - [audience laughs]

- Obviously, it's a man thing. Okay.

- All right, I gotta go get my socks.

- FLOYD: See, the socks and shoes are the foundation

of a man's appearance.

Run-over shoes and socks, run-over man.

If you got holes in your socks, then it's--

- Holy man? - [audience laughs]

- No, single. Any man who has a woman,

she will go and throw those raggedy socks out.

- Oh, I agree with you right there.

Curtis will wear his socks until nothing is left but the ankle.

And I toss 'em, I just toss 'em. - FLOYD: I know that's right.

- ELLA: Toss 'em. - Okay...

- ELLA: [giggles] - FLOYD: Huh?

- Brought some socks and shoes. - Okay.

- C.J.: Now, I could always go with the classic black sock.

- Boring.

- [audience laughs]

- C.J.: Or...I can do these.

- I like those. - FLOYD: Mmm.

- I like those. - Aah,

that's an interesting choice, but, uh, those aren't barbershop

socks, they look more like gas station socks.

- [audience laughs]

- Floyd... - ELLA: [giggles]

- I did not buy these socks at a gas station.

- Well, they aren't from a barbershop for sure.

I mean, I would rethink them socks.

- ELLA: C.J., why are you so concerned

about the way your uniform looks?

I mean, you're just going back to work.

- Yeah, well, you know...

I know that all eyes are always on me...

And, uh, everything's gotta be perfect,

so, you know, I did all the work on the inside

and the working out, so now, I want the outside

to be perfect, too.

- Well, you seem a little anxious to me.

- Mm-hm. - I might be a little nervous.

- I'd be nervous, too, if I was wearing them gas station socks.

- [audience laughs]

- These not gas station socks.

- C.J., wear the black ones.

- But those are balloon poodles on those socks, right?

- Wear the black ones.

- ♪

- Babe, every time I see that we made the couples hot list,

I'm, like, "Hey."

- Eh! - That's us.

- [reading] "Keep an eye on the couple to watch,

"soon to be Calvin and Laura Payne.

"These two have made a name for themselves

"in the business world,

"and we look forward to their upcoming nuptials

at an exotic destination to be announced."

You hear that, baby?

We're not getting married, we're having nuptials.

- Mm-mm-mm. And our wedding party is gon' be so fly

in that peach and cream, oh.

And I am gon' float down the aisle in my wedding gown

like the Royal Highness herself, Meghan Markle, on the outside.

But on the inside, I'ma be marching like Beyoncé, okay.

- Okay, okay, I see you, I see you. And me and my boys,

we gon' stroll in to "So Fresh and So Clean, Clean."

- Seriously? - Oh yeah,

we gon' have custom-made tuxedos,

nothing else will do it justice. Now, that's on the list, right?

- It is now. - [audience laughs]

- [chuckles] Oh! And you did remember

to get us those monogrammed champagne flutes for our guests

as a keepsake, right? - Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Now, I put the deposit down on that and the hotel last week,

done. - Yes!

Oh, I just cannot wait to finalize everything, Calvin.

Oh, this is gonna be great!

A destination wedding; this is what I always wanted.

Five days and five romantic nights in Jamaica.

- Eh! - [giggles]

- Eh! - This isn't too expensive,

is it? - [Jamaican accent] No problem.

- And us saying our vows on the beach

in front of our family and friends.

- [Jamaican accent] No problem.

- Oh, and I know it sounds crazy,

but after the ceremony, can we leave by helicopter?

- [Jamaican accent] Problem! - [audience laughs]

- You wanna do what? - I know it sounds crazy,

but I've always wanted to ride in a helicopter.

- Nah, nah, nah, baby, helicopters have always

made me skittish. Now, there's no aisle,

there's no flight attendants--

- Just imagine us...at sunset... flying over the hotel,

our guests and the place where we just took our vows,

all of that encapsulized in one breathtaking moment.

- [audience laughs] - Damn, girl, you are good.

Okay. - [laughs]

- Okay, let's do it. - For real?

- Yes, baby. - I love you, Calvin!

- I love you, I love you.

Uh, now--now, baby, I gotta warn you, though.

Now, I've already stretched myself on this wedding now.

- Okay.

- We're gonna have to adjust some stuff on the menu.

- [Jamaican accent] No problem. What were you thinking?

- Okay, now, we're gonna have to take off

that fried lobster appetizer. - Okay.

- Okay. And the dessert. [audience laughs]

- O-kay.

- And the entrees. - O--

Wait [laughs], let's think about this.

How about we just leave everything the way that it is,

and...work everything else out?

- Okay, on one condition. - What?

- You promise to be the best wife ever.

- [Jamaican accent] Yea mon. [giggles]

- [audience laughs]

- You sure you ain't gon' give no samples?

- No, Floyd.

I tell you what, touch it and see what happens. Touch it.

- [audience laughs] - Floyd...

Thanks for fixing the faucet, everything is perfect now.

- Yeah, I don't know about that, you ain't seen my invoice yet.

- [audience laughs]

- Okay, how do I look, ready for the first day back?

- Yes, great! - Yep.

- You look great.

- You look like you have good health insurance,

and a credit score of at least 750.

- [audience laughs] - All right, C.J.,

I have secured the top on the pot of chili,

and be careful 'cuz it's hot.

- Okay. Well, I got my keys. - All right.

- Got my phone. - Mm-hm.

- Okay, ready to go. - All right.

- Almost forgot my hat. - FLOYD: [chuckles]

- I wasn't gon' let you forget your hat.

- Go get 'em!

- Okay. - See y'all later.

- FLOYD: All right. - See y'all tonight.

- Okay. See you tonight. Floyd...

- I still wasn't crazy about them socks.

- Mm-hm. - Mm-mm.

- Mm-hm. - Five...

- Four... - Three...

- Two... - One.

- C.J.: Oh, look at that. - What?

- [chuckles] - I almost forgot my chili.

- [chuckles] - Careful! It's hot.

- Yeah. - Boy, you crazy.

- ELLA: Careful. - All right.

- That was a bow, you weren't suppose--

that was my bow, but it's okay, be careful.

- Oh! Uh-- - Are you okay?

Are you all right? - Yeah, yeah,

I did my workout earlier. - FLOYD: Okay.

- And, uh, I had a protein shake.

Had a shot of B-12 for an energy boost.

- FLOYD: Okay. - And, uh, never felt better.

- Okay. - All right.

- You look good, man. - Thank you.

- You good. - Okay. I'll see y'all later.

- FLOYD: All right, man. - ELLA: Okay, baby.

- FLOYD: All right.

- Do you think he's gonna be okay?

- He'll be fine.

- But didn't he seem really nervous

before he went out he door? - Well, eh,

you'd be nervous too if you had a pot of chili that hot

that close to your crotch. - [audience laughs]

- FLOYD: Of course he's nervous.

- Aah, being the chief is stressful.

- Mmm. - I hope he's gon' be all right.

- FLOYD: Yeah. - I hope he can do it.

- I know he can do it. - [knocking at door]

- Forget something else?

- I can't do it. - [audience laughs]

- I can't go back to work.

- Come on, drink this water.

- What happened, bruh?

- I don't know, I just--I just froze.

When I tried to turn the engine on in the car,

I--I really froze.

It took everything for me to just--just get out of the car.

- Well, do you think you were having an anxiety attack?

- I don't know what you call it,

but I know it wasn't the behavior of a fire chief.

- You know, it's probably due to the fact

that you had that accident when you were at work.

I mean, I--I hate that you had to go through that.

- Okay, C.J., how were you feeling?

Were you nervous, afraid... you know--?

- I--I was afraid of, you know,

what happened the last time I was on the job.

- You know, that fear is a beast.

I remember in high school, there was this guy named Teddy,

I mean, he had a head shaped like a walnut.

- [audience laughs]

- Word had gotten around

that him and his boys were gon' jump me, right?

Man, I skipped school for three days.

I--I flunked a test.

- Um--um, and your point?

And what happened, Floyd?

- What I did is that...

I knew that if I flunked that test,

that my daddy was gon' tear me up,

so I went to that school,

and there was Teddy in the hallway.

- Mm-hm. - And I walked right up to him--

- And beat him up?

- He whooped my ass!

- [audience laughs]

- But you know what, though?

Right then, he knew that I wasn't afraid of him anymore.

Mm?

The fear that had gripped me, was worse than the fight.

- That's how I felt in the car.

- You gotta learn how to control the fear,

and don't let the fear control you.

- Sometimes your words of wisdom are amazing;

it's scary, but amazing.

- [audience laughs]

- You know, I really wanted to be a fire chief

ever since Uncle Curtis passed the baton to me.

- And you know he is so proud of you.

- Yes.

- And I never, never want to disappoint him.

- Maybe you need more time. - Yeah.

- Would you like for me to call and--

- No! - Make--

- No, no.

I need to-- I need to go to work.

- You got this, man. - Yeah.

- You got this.

Hey, look here...don't forget... save me some chili.

- [audience laughs]

- Love you. - Love you too, baby.

- Love you too. - [audience laughs]

- C.J.: I wasn't talking to you. - Sorry.

- We just have a few more things to finalize,

the photographer, the florist.

- [knock at door] - The caterer.

- [knock at door] - That's a lot of money.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's okay,

we--we gon' do this.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Calvin...Laura. - Hey.

- Oh, you came by to get Christian's soccer cleats,

I'll get 'em, I'll grab 'em. - Among other things.

- What other things?

- Um...I just wanted to stop by before you got the letter.

- What letter?

- I'm, um, I'm having to ask for an increase in child support.

- Why, Miranda? I give you plenty of money.

- [chuckles] Plenty is a... relative word.

- Okay, how much more do you need?

- Enough to cover child care,

and to give our son the life he deserves.

- Whoa! What?

- Miranda, where is this coming from all of a sudden?

I can't afford to give you any more than I already do.

- Calvin, I need-- I need help, okay?

And if you can afford this extravagant destination wedding,

then you can afford to pay a little more in child support.

- I get it, so you read the article

about Calvin and me being, "The Couple to Watch,"

and now you want more money.

Got it. - MIRANDA: Excuse me...

this conversation is between me and Calvin.

Do we need to go somewhere else so we can talk in private?

- Oh, now you wanna talk?

You weren't concerned about talking

before you increased the child support, Miranda.

- You know what,

I don't know what is so hard for you to understand.

When I'm working, and my schedule changes,

and I need--no, no, no, and I need you to watch our son,

it's a problem.

When I ask your family for help, you complain.

What am I supposed to do, Calvin?

Oh, so you don't think that Christian should live the life

that he deserves?

- Miranda, I'm a good father, and you know that.

I'm fighting you on this. - Okay, how is it gonna look,

Mr. Successful Social Media Man wants to lower child support?

You know what, just give me the cleats, okay?

Don't worry about it.

- You know I can't stand yo' ass.

- Calvin, wait! Calvin...

Miranda...Calvin pays sufficient child support.

- Sufficient for his old salary,

but now that he is making more money...

he owes more child support, now you should know that.

- Listen, I understand all of that,

but we are planning a future together right now,

and this whole...increase could adversely affect our wedding,

and--and--and all of our future plans.

- [chuckles] Let me get this straight...

you're worried about your wedding?

No, no, my son was here before you!

So, you don't think that he should also reap the benefits

from his father's increase in salary?

- Absolutely, Miranda,

I would never wanna take anything away from Christian.

He's gonna get everything he deserves, you know that.

- Mm-hm.

- CALVIN: Here's Christian's new soccer cleats that I bought.

- Thank you.

- Miranda, I--I just--

I really want you to rethink your whole reasons

for doing this...please.

- So what do you say, Miranda?

- I think you... should rethink your lifestyle...

and have one that can not only support your children,

but your new wife.

- ♪

- Wait for it.

- Floyd... - Hm?

- Staring at that faucet is not gonna make it drip.

- [audience laughs]

- Wait for it.

- [audience laughs]

- And when it drips, I'm gon' be ready for it.

- ELLA: Floyd, stop!

You just wanna use your little tools.

- Have you heard from C.J.?

- No, and I really hope he made it through without any problems.

Ah! Hey, C.J.

- Hey. - How did it go?

- It was okay. - Are you sure?

Cuz you look like you just had a root canal at a tax office.

- [audience laughs] - No, really, really, I'm okay.

- Oh, okay. So, how was the ride to work?

- Uh, I just rolled the window down,

took a few deep breaths,

and remembered why I became a firefighter; faced my fears.

- All right. - And how did the office react?

- Oh, they--they couldn't have been better.

I mean, they--I--they made me feel really welcome,

and, uh, after a little while, it was back to normal,

and it was like old home week.

- Mm. - That's good, baby.

I was a little concerned because you do look a little worn.

- Oh, that!

No, well, that was the chili. [laughs]

- C.J.! - [laughs]

- What do you mean that was the chili?

- Yeah, listen, I rolled my sleeves up and ate that chili,

and it was darn hot!

- Smokin'! Ain't that the way you like it?

- Yeah, yeah. - Well, let me get some then.

- [mouths] Ain't no more. I already ate it.

- FLOYD: No, you didn't. - [audience laughs]

- FLOYD: Wait! You mean, you ain't leave me none?

You ain't even got a teaspoon full in here?

- [laughs]

- That's cold, bruh. - No, no, it's--it's--it's hot.

- [laughs] - Real hot.

- Yes. Extra cayenne.

- [audience laughs]

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪

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