All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S10E20 - Fine Wine WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

- ♪

- I'm late. So what?

Did y'all start
the intervention yet?

- What intervention?

Look, if this is about canceling
my OnlyFans subscription,

I'm divorcing y'all too.

- This is ridiculous.
- Please do.

I tried to convince your momma
to put you up for adoption.

She wouldn't listen.
She's too "stubron."

- Love you too, Pops.
Now, what is this about?

- It's about your
decision-making.

- Or lack thereof.

- Will you all just spit it out?

Quit beating around the bush!

Calvin...stop being a dummy.

Huh? Can I say it like that?

You're blinded by love, boy!

You're a sucker
for love, Calvin!

- Wait a minute.
This is about Laura?

I thought y'all liked Laura.

- Why the hell
would you think that?

- We do, we do.

But, uh, this is
more about you, homie.

- I mean, we all know
when it comes to women,

your decision-making
isn't the smartest.

- Okay, again, Malik?
You raw-dogged a stripper.

- I'mma be quiet over here.

- See, we--we just wanna make
sure that you didn't ask Laura

to marry you to get
Miranda off your back.

You know, it all
seems so sudden.

- Don't you wanna
enjoy your freedom?

- Be the Calvin you used to be.

- Release your
built-up aggression.

- [chuckles] Oh, I've
been releasing it.

- Yeah, I notice your
forearm is bigger.

Pops, will you chill out?
I'm talking about with Laura.

- MALIK: TMI.
TMI, man, come on.

- Take it from us who don't
have the luxury of being single.

Have some fun, sow
your wild oats! You know?

Before you get into
something so serious.

- Yeah. You used to be so cool.
You had a collection of women.

- He did, didn't he?
- MALIK: He did!

- I did, I did. I did have one.

- I mean, where is that Calvin?

That's the Payne man we know.

- Yeah, yeah.

- I'm still that Calvin.

I'm just new and improved.

- [scoffs]

Blasphemy!

Look at you!

You still got that old dad bod!

Have you even been working out?

I know the real Calvin
is deep down in there.

He's dying to get out.
And we all wanna see.

You can turn this around!
You can do this for us!

You could be that
little thot that we all know!

What would Pookie
and Peanut say? Huh?

What would they say?

- CJ: Malik?
- Yeah?

- Sorry 'bout that.
A little too much?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Yeah.
- Sorry 'bout that.

My passion always gets to me.

- No, no, no. You're right.

The man that I was then
isn't who I am now.

It's just...I've been
there and done that.

It gets old.

- But you just said you
had an OnlyFans account.

I mean, how old can it be?

- Okay, but looking is
different than touching.

I'm not touching 'em.

- Yeah, but you're paying.

- Y'all are tripping.

All I'm saying is tiger blood
still runs through these veins.

It's just--
- Rawr!

- Rawr!

It's just, you know,

I'm more focused
than I've ever been.

Laura's the one.

I'm done.
Y'all will see.

Now, you may not know
Laura that well,

but I'm in love with her.

This is where the buck ends.
I'm sure about that.

- [yelps]
That was a good one.

- ♪

♪♪

- What do you mean you
left me some inspiration?

[yelps]

Uh, yeah, you really

kicked it into overdrive
over here.

No, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This definitely gives me an idea

of the style you're going for.

Cool. The lace? Lace?

Uh...yeah, it's girly.

The pearls?
Pearls, pearls, pearls.

Oh, oh, the pearls.
Ah, okay, all right, yeah.

The diamonds?
Okay, baby, look.

I'm...I'm the type
that'd rather be surprised

when you walk down the aisle.

But you know what,
you know what?

My mom, my mom.

She really loves
stuff like that.

You should call her.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.

- [knocking at door]

- Oh, shoot.
Look, uh, babe, I gotta go.

But we will definitely
continue this conversation

when you get back, okay?

Mm-hmm, love you, bye bye.

Uh, uh, one moment, one moment.

Uh...

Oh, wow! Woo-hoo!

- Calvin?
- Hey, yeah.

- Victoria.
Pleasure to meet you.

Did you forget that
we were meeting today?

- Wow.
- [stomps foot]

- You're my Realtor?

- Once you sign the
agreement, we're official.

- Oh, well, come in.
- Thank you.

And congrats on
your prequalification.

I am telling you,
that is half the battle.

- Oh, well, it's the tail
end that I'm worried about.

- I'm sorry?
- Oh, yeah, your backside.

I mean, I mean, the backside
of the process, you know?

It's a long process.

It's...get worried
about it, uh-huh.

Look, I'm sorry.

I'm just really excited
to work with you.

- Oh, likewise, Calvin.
This is for you.

A new client welcome, plus
a celebratory gift for your

prequalification.

- Wow, that's amazing.

You know, uh, with
my recent divorce process,

it's definitely heightened
my appreciation for wine,

that's for sure.

- Well, this is my favorite.

And from one
divorcee to another,

I know the feeling of
wanting a fresh start.

Or bottle.

- [chuckles] You
can say that again.

- Well, uh, let's get started!

- Oh, well, let's, yeah! Yeah.

- Calvin, it's 11:00 AM.

I was talking
about the paperwork.

- Oh, that!
Yes, the paperwork, paperwork.

Okay, mm-hmm.
What was I thinking?

All right.
- All right, yes, okay.

So you're gonna fill this out.

Uh, sign here.

Um...yeah.

Woo, your condo is lovely.

Whenever you're ready,
I am sure I can sell it.

- Oh, well, I'll buy it.

- Come again?

- Oh, the condo.
The condo, that is.

If you're selling it,
I would buy it.

- [laughs]

- Look, wow, I'm sorry.

Everything is just
coming out wrong.

It's just you're
really attractive.

- Well, thank you, uh, Calvin.

That was unexpected.

- Really?
- Well, yeah.

I'm old enough
to be your mother.

- Well, age ain't
nothin' but a number.

- [laughs]
All right, well, uh...

Oh, you forgot to sign there.

- Oh, I got
distracted, I'm sorry.

Uh, sign...
- Yeah.

Well, uh, yeah, I am looking
forward to this relationship,

this business relationship.

- Business?

- [sighs] Calvin, you
are really charming.

I don't see why a girl in her
right mind would wanna divorce

a guy like you.

- Thank you, Victoria.
That means a lot.

- Well, I have a--a
few showings to get to,

so I better get
going, young man.

I'll get some options of
what's available on the market

and I'll send them your way
this evening.

- Whoa, whoa, uh, hey.

Why don't you just
bring 'em by later?

I mean, I can't enjoy

your favorite bottle
of wine without you.

- Calvin, I, I--

- I'll cook for you.

- You're gonna cook for me?
- Yeah.

- Okay. Sure. Why not?

- Okay, let's, uh, say 7:30?

- Okay, I'll see you then.

- Okay. Well, let me get
that for you.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You be breezy!
See you later.

Whoo. Okay,

maybe it's almost
out of my system.

- Nothin'! Nothin'!
- Curtis.

- I was about to eat a lemon.
About to eat a lemon, Ella.

Oh my god, finally.
- Hi, baby.

- Baby, it's 12:53--12:54.

- Curtis, take these bags.

- I got 'em.
- And what's your point?

- 12 noon.
Lunch is at 12 noon.

It's universal.
Everybody know that, baby.

- I was out getting
you groceries.

- Well, I hope you got something
in here already cooked, Ella.

What you got in here?

What the...

Okay, here's some
cold cuts, turkey.

Can make that happen.
Let me see.

Okay, you got bread.
It's better toasted.

I like mine toasted. Uh...

One thing I'm missing, babe.
I don't see it.

- Curtis, what are
you looking for?

- Your hands making my sandwich.

- Just let me rest a minute.
Just a minute.

- You can rest while the
bread is toasting, Ella.

Multitask, multitask.

- Not only was I out
grocery shopping for you,

but I had to listen to Laura

and her ridiculous wedding
plans.

Do you know that that girl
is over in Birmingham shopping

for wedding dresses already?

- Baby, where's the sea bass?
You forgot the sea bass?

- Curtis, are you listening?

- Oh, here.
It was sitting right here.

- You're not listening.

- If it was a worm,
it would've bit me.

- Okay, baby, how did
the intervention go?

I am concerned.

- My memory's foggy.
And my vision is blurred.

I can't--I can't--I can't
have no long conversations

without something in my stomach.

- I asked you a simple question.
- Yeah, but my simple answer

is a ripple to the wave of
your.....

I think Calvin's getting
married too soon,

and I don't know about Laura
yet, and I gotta talk to God,

and blah, blah, blah.

- [unintelligible]

- CURTIS: Thank you.
That's all I need.

Thank you.

- Hey, baby.
- Hey, Mom.

- You are your father's child.

- I'm sorry, Ma, for being rude.

- [laughs]

- But you might save me a
trip to the grocery store.

- Laura goes away for one day
and you don't know what to do.

You are definitely
your father's child.

- You done with this bag?

- Yes, Calvin, you can take it.

- Ooh! Is this sea bass?

- Yes, it is.

Calvin, no! No, no, no.

Your father has been wanting
sea bass since last week.

- Mom, relax, okay?

By the time he realizes
it's gone, it'll be too late.

- Suit yourself.
You have been warned.

Oh, Calvin?
Why are you over here

raiding my kitchen
when you could just go

to the grocery store and
get your own groceries?

- It's like old times.
The old me.

Apparently that's
been missing, so...

- Well, you sure have been
through your share of, uh...

You know what? Mm-mm,

it's just good to see
you in a good mood, baby.

- Thanks, Momma.

- You're welcome.
Mwah, mwah, mwah.

Mwah, now get on out of here

before your dad
comes back in here

for this sandwich and realizes
that you have taken his food.

- You're right.

- Curtis, come and get
your sandwich, baby.

- Oh, finally!

Uh, bread's not toasted.
It's okay.

Hey, baby, I mapped
out dinner for you.

We're gonna have the sea bass
with the garlic

and the herb butter sauce.

Isn't that what you do?

And, uh, the
fingerling potatoes.

I can taste it now!

- Baby, let's not
have sea bass tonight.

- No? I want sea bass tonight.

I've been dreaming for sea bass.

- And that was the end of that.
- BOTH: [laughing]

- This is probably the
best I've ever tasted.

Thank you.

I didn't know how
much I needed this.

- You are very welcome.
This is vintage '98.

Everything is better with age.

- Oh, well, I got a lot
to learn about my wines.

I usually just pick the one with
the label that catches my eye.

- There's a lot I can teach you.

- Oh, I spent seven
years in college.

You can say I like to be taught.

- An educated man.

What's your master's degree in?

- Oh, uh...I mastered my
studies in the female anatomy.

Spelman campus, mostly.

- [laughs] I love a man
with a sense of humor.

- We can't let it go to waste.

- Sure. I guess I can have
one more glass.

- Grab this.
- Mm, mm-mm-mm.

Calvin, you are so impressive.

You show special
attention to everything.

- Well, when a
person is special,

they deserve special attention.

- Your compliments make
a woman feel special.

- Hey, well, when someone
is as fine as you,

you inspire my inner poet.

- You and me, here over dinner.

- Now, I never
would've expected that.

- Why, because of my...

- Look, you don't have to
keep reminding me of that.

- Well, my husband
decided to leave me

for a much younger woman.

And that can be...crushing

for a woman my--[coughs]

It's just refreshing to
imagine that I still have it.

- You don't have to imagine
when it's a reality.

- [phone ringing]

- Why don't you answer that?

I'm gonna use the ladies' room.

- Yeah, okay.

It's down the
hall, to your right.

- [phone ringing]

- Hello?

- CURTIS: I know what you
did, you damn heathen.

- Pops, what are
you talking about?

- CURTIS: Give me
back my sea bass!

- Pops, look, I don't
have time for this.

- CURTIS: I know you took it.
- Pops--

- CURTIS: Calvin, you
give me back my sea bass

or I'mma come over there
and gut you like a fish!

This ain't what
you want, Calvin.

I'm telling you, boy,
this ain't what you want.

- Gotta go.
- So, where were we?

- Oh, we were just
about to, uh...

- [cell phone ringing]
- You wanna answer that?

- Uh...uh-uh.

- Calvin, I gotta admit.

It drives me wild when a man is
bold and demands what he wants.

- Really?

- So, I followed your request.

- My request?
- Yeah.

When you told me to
be breezy earlier?

I listened. Less to remove.

- [phone goes thud]

- I love a forward thinker.

- [banging at door]

- CURTIS: Calvin, I
know you're in there!

- Wow, that was fast.

- [banging at door]

- Hey, baby, baby, baby?
Uh, just excuse me one minute.

- [banging at door]

- CURTIS: Open this door!

Give me my sea bass!
- Shh, I can explain.

- You'll explain nothing.
Why are you blocking the door?

- 'Cause I can't
let you in here.

- Calvin, I'm coming in there
and I'm taking what's mine.

- Pops, Pops, Pops...
- Get out--

Don't do this.
- Don't do it, please.

- I'm going!

Ooh! I'mma kill him!
Ooh!

- Hello.

- Oh. Oh. My.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize
that we were in the presence

of such a beautiful lady.

Curtis Payne.
- Victoria Spelling.

- The Realtor!
- Yes.

- Now my Realtor.

- Yeah, okay, so wait.
What's this, a date?

- Yes, Pop.

- Well, look at you.

Got everything all
set up, don't you?

Wine and all that.

Sea bass. Sea bass.

How was the sea bass?
- Oh, it was nice.

- I'm sure it was.
I'm sure it was.

- Pops, you are
killing the mood.

- Boy, please.

What do you know about a mood?

You gotta have music for a mood.

You want a mood, you need
a little Isley Brothers.

Or some Teddy P.
And then you got a mood.

- Oh, I do love me
some Teddy P, now.

- You better watch
yourself, Vicky.

That Teddy P--see, you know.

You know what a mood is.

These youngsters don't
know nothing about that.

What you?
What you? 52, 53?

- Oh my god.
- Give or take.

Talkin' 'bout a mood.

See, these young bucks,
they don't know about a mood.

They're not like our generation.
[laughs]

- You know what, Calvin?
I think we should call it night.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

- Yeah, yeah, maybe we can, uh,
just try it again another time.

Uh, it was nice
meeting you, Curtis.

- Nice to meet you.
- And I'm, uh...47.

- Ow!

Oh!
Was it something I said?

- 52, 53, Pops?

- Caught you a cougar! Rawr!

- You just ruined my date.

- You shouldn't have
stolen my food, you jerk!

- Do you know I had
that locked and loaded?

Had you not shown up, I
would have been beating up--

- Calvin?
- Whoa!

You are supposed to
be out of town dress shopping.

- Surprise!

- Baby!

- What are you
doing back so early?

- I missed you!
- Ooh, this is awkward.

- Baby, when I tell you I
found the most amazing dress,

it is everything!

And when I say everything,
I mean ever-y-thing.

- If you would've showed
up five minutes earlier,

it'd really be everything.

- Pops, don't you
have somewhere to be?

- You're lucky I'm here.

- How are you doing, Mr. Payne?

- I'm doing good, "Laurel."

- Uh, uh, Pops, can
you excuse us, please?

- Oh, so now you want me to go?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, no.

- Calvin, he doesn't have to
leave if he doesn't wanna leave.

- But you know what?
I'm gonna leave. I'mma leave.

And I'm gonna do you a favor.

Thank you for the dinner, Son.

I'll finish our wine.

- [laughs]

- You two have a good time.

- Calvin, you
cooked for your dad?

Oh my goodness,
that is so sweet!

- [chuckles nervously]

- See, I knew there was
something special about you.

It's all those little
things that you do.

You're so nice and thoughtful.

[giggles] I love you
with all my heart.

- I--I love you too.

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪