All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S10E19 - A Payneful Compromise WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

- [laughter]

- Right.

Candy.

Candy ha, ha, ha.

Ah, yes.

Alright.

Rice cakes and trail mix?

Even the roaches
don't want that.

- [laughter]

- Think, think.
Think, think.

I'm glad they got
snacks over here.

I ain't got
nothing at my house.

Stealing makes you thirsty.

- Floyd, what are you doing?
- Nothing.

- Don't tell me you were
in here drinking soda.

- Okay, then I won't tell ya.

Look here, why y'all
sneaking up on me, huh?

What, y'all trying to kill me?

Who sent you?
Hmm?

- Why are you being
so paranoid?

- Ain't he always paranoid?

- Look here, I'm just a king
trying to protect my kingdom

from intruders
trying to steal my loot.

- [laughter]

- Loot?
Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Why you wearing
a trenchcoat and long-johns?

- Floyd, I think you might be
suffering from dementia.

Quick, what's my name?

- Jackass.
- [laughter]

- You know what, if he is
suffering from dementia,

that would explain why
he thinks this is his kingdom.

Don't worry.
Uncle Curtis will be back soon.

- Exactly.

And he told me to protect
his kingdom from CJ and Calvin.

- Why would he do that?
- 'Cause it says it in the text.

Keep Calvin and CJ
away from my kingdom.

Dot, dot, dot.

- [bag crinkles]

- Mm.
- Oh.

- ♪ ♪

- Well, we'll just see
how Aunt Ella feels

about you eating
all his junk food.

- Mom.
- Ssh.

- Mom, come here.
Come here real quick. Mom.

- You ain't never been
that loud in your life.

- Wait, why, what?

- Hey Ella, just, you know,
just here trying to clean up.

You know, trying to help out
around here and everything.

- Really Floyd?
- Hmm?

- Where did you get this?

I threw away all
of the junk food yesterday.

- I was trying not to
make sure that you wasted it.

You know how Curtis
is a penny pincher.

- Oh, don't forget the soda
that you were guzzling down.

- You know what this, mmm.

Snitches get stitches.

- Floyd, you know
what your doctor said.

You have got to watch your
cholesterol and blood pressure.

Now, if you're
gonna take something,

why didn't you take the
rice cakes and the trail mix?

- I can't eat
that rabbit food, Ella.

I'll die of starvation.

- I would rather you die of that
than to die of a heart attack.

- But look here, at least let
me eat that and I'll die happy.

- Floyd.
- Look, nobody's dying.

Alright?
You're gonna stick to the diet.

Matter fact, Aunt Ella said
you were pre-diabetic.

That's serious.

- Look, what is this,
gang up on Floyd day, huh?

I'ma be alright.

- Look, well, heart disease
is the killer of black men.

So, you're gonna have to
fight us on this,

'cause we're not letting up.

- Look, I don't need another
doctor, okay? I know my body.

- Alright, then let's get up,
let's go out back,

we got a surprise for you.
- Oh, must be that new grill.

Now that's what
I'm talking about.

Look here, we can put some
ribs on it and everything.

- Floyd, we were just
talking about eating healthy.

Now, come on back here
so we can show you.

- If it ain't about a new grill,
I ain't going.

Plus, I gotta catch up
on my re-runs.

- Floyd, get up.

Get up, get up, get up.

- Look, I appreciate all y'all's
concern and everything.

But look, I'm tough.
I got this.

Look, I done survived
the Civil Rights Movement,

police brutality, Bush,
Trump, and a recount.

- Floyd, that has nothing to do
with changing your diet.

Here, take this.

Now listen,
you are Curtis's best friend.

I don't know why.

While he is away,
it is my job

to make sure that
you stay alive and well.

Is this everything?

Is this everything?
- Yes.

- No.

And why did you have
on that trenchcoat?

Take that off.

And if you're cold,
I can turn on the heat.

- Sorry, I just kinda forgot
how sexy I looked in this.

- The clue is rosebud.

Citizen Kane!

Miranda?
- Yes.

- Come on in, Baby.

- [sighs]
- Hi.

- Hey,
I am so sorry that I'm late.

I have been just
completely swamped at work.

- That's okay.
- I've been so busy

I haven't even had time
to eat my meal preps.

- I'm just so surprised
that you even have time

to pre-cook your meals
for the week.

- It's not as time consuming
as you think.

I'll just cook like three meats,
some sides,

and then I'll alternate meals
during the week.

- You only cook once a week?
- Yeah.

- Oh, Curtis would
never go for that, ever.

I know he doesn't like
leftovers.

Unless, it's barbeque.
- Ah.

- I caught him one time trying
to pour some barbeque sauce

on top of his collards.
- What?

- I said, "Man, you better
get out of that kitchen."

- I think that we need
an intervention.

- [laughs]

- You know,
I've actually started cooking

some vegan meals
for Christian and I.

- Vegan.
- Yeah.

- Oh, that sounds healthy.
- It is.

- Yep, but I need me some
meat with my meals.

- Okay, you know what,
that is an illusion, Miss Ella.

We do not need meat
with our meals.

I mean, honestly,
that diet is what's been

killing us generationally.

And we have so many
healthier options right now.

We have to stop
polluting our bodies

with all of the this
greasy soul food.

- Well, I can agree with that.
- Yes.

- I can agree with that.
But I likes my meats.

- [laughs]

Well, would you like me to
cook you some meals sometime?

- You know what, why not?

I would like to try and see.

- Okay.
- I'll try it.

- And you know what, Miss Ella,
I just want to say you know

I really appreciate you picking
Christian up for me today.

- Miranda, stop it.

You do not have to thank me
for picking up my grandson.

I'm happy to do it.
- I know, I do.

- You know that.

- I know,
but I still appreciate you

because I can
always count on you

even when I can't
count on Calvin. Ugh.

I have just--just trying
to manage at work.

My assistant is out
on maternity leave

and I just have
so much to manage.

- Well, it sounds like
you need a new assistant.

And I am really wanting to
utilize my admin skills again.

- Mm-hmm.

Now, Miss Ella,
I know I can use the help

but, you know,
technology has changed a lot

since you've been working.

And plus,
Calvin would have a fit.

You know that.

He already has a problem
with how much

we're around each other.
- Miranda.

You must think
I went to school with Moses.

I can learn.

You and Jasmine always
trying to throw shade.

- Oh.

- Oh yes.
Oh yes.

Yeah, I said shade.
- Okay.

- I know you didn't think
I knew that phrase, huh?

Well, shade.

And don't even worry
about Calvin.

I can handle that.

You need some help
and I am right here.

- You're right.

I definitely need the help.

- Mm-hmm.

- So, you're hired.

- Yee!
Yes, yes, yes!

- When can you start?
- Right now.

Right now.
Let's do it right now.

- Are you--you sure?
You sure, sure?

- Yes. Right now.
- Here, here you go.

Handle those emails for me
right quick.

I need some coffee.
I'm so tired.

- Oh, you get that yourself.
- Oh Miss Ella. Okay

- But okay, the phone is locked.
Face--what does that say?

- Here.
Here, here, here.

I'll open it.
Boop, open.

Can I have a sandwich too,
Miss Ella?

- Yes, you can have a sandwich.

So, how do I get to, uh...?

- This ain't got no motor?

- Really?

- Weee!

Everything's intact.

Yeah, you know what,
I can't do this no more man.

Y'all trying to kill me.
- Floyd, it's been two minutes.

- Well, it's one minute
too many.

Come on, you gotta
ease back into this man.

I ain't had
a workout this hard

since the night
I conceived my son.

- Yeah, that's the problem.

- Wasn't I a good boss to you,
Calvin?

- Of course.
If you take away the low wages,

verbal abuse
and working conditions, yeah.

- Look, I'll tell you what.

Why don't you run down
to American Deli for me

and, uh, get me that
Philly cheesesteak...

- Negative, I'm not getting you
food that clogs your arteries.

Not on my watch.
- I'll give you 50 dollars.

- You know on second thought,
you're not my dad,

and uh, one sandwich
ain't gonna kill you.

- My man.

- [whistle blows]
- Agh!

Stop playin'.
What's wrong with you?

- Get your lazy butt up, boy.

Now, I want you
to jog in place.

Now.
Faster.

Faster.

Faster.

- Calm down, CJ.

- You will address me
as Major Payne.

Welcome to my bootcamp class.

Now, stand over here.
- Okay.

- Now, when I say go,
I want you to do high steps

on these bricks.
- Okay, just one second.

Just wait for it.

Alright, I gotta
catch my breath, CJ.

- Major Payne, cadet.

- Alright, look.
- [blows whistle] Go.

High knees.
- [grunts] High knees.

- High knees.

Get them legs up, boy.

Come on, son.

Don't stop.
- Get it, get it.

- Don't stop.
- Man, come on.

- Okay, stop.
- Oh, thank you.

- Catch your breath, son.
- Thank you. Whoo.

- Take a breath.
- Alright.

- Okay, get started again.
There you go.

- Oh, come on, CJ.
- [blows whistle]

Let's go.
High knees.

- That's how you
access the calendar.

- Got that.
- Then, that's how

you add a meeting. Got it?
- Yes, yes.

- And then, that's how you
send a meeting invite.

- Ah.
- Yeah.

- I think I'm getting
the hang of this.

- [sighs]
- Oh, I feel so good.

I feel like I'm being
productive again.

- Mm.
- Oh, Miranda.

It's like I'm helping you
but actually, you're helping me.

- I am so glad to hear that.

I must say, I feel like
we are bonding more now

than when me and Calvin
were married.

- Yes.
- Yes.

- Mom, Floyd is crazy.
You know he offered--

- Hey, Calvin.
- Hey.

Ma, can I talk to you?
- What is it, Calvin?

- Can I talk to you over here?
- [sighs] Excuse me, Boss Lady.

- Yeah.

- What is she doing here?
- Calvin.

- How am I supposed
to get over her

if she's always hanging around.

- I am assisting her
with some work

while her assistant
is on leave.

She was in a bind.
- That's not your problem.

I don't want her
hanging around.

- Why?
Calvin?

- I knew this was a bad idea.

- I mean, can you believe
Ma had Miranda

sitting up there in the kitchen.
Talking about I'm her assistant.

- Ella is working for Miranda?

Oh, brotha, that's a bad idea,
right there.

- Thank you.
I knew you would have my back.

- Look here, I once worked
with one of my in-laws.

It was the worst
experience of my life.

I still got the stitch
marks to show it.

- [blows whistle]

- Alright Floyd,
time to get back at it.

- Come on, CJ, man.

Please don't make me
work out no more.

Alright, I'll eat right.
I won't eat the chips.

I won't eat the fried chicken.

Just please don't
make me work out no more.

Bro, I'm tired.
- Okay, man.

You did enough for today.
- Whew, thank you.

- Alright, you did good Floyd.

- I feel like I been in
a ca--a car accident.

- Man, stop being so dramatic.

- And my whole body hurts, man.

It's like, I can't--

I can't breathe.

- Floyd.
- Mom!

Come quick.
Floyd fainted.

- Floyd.

Floyd.
Let me, he's coming around.

- Here.

- Hey, Ella.

What are you
doing in Heaven?

- Hey, Floyd.
- Aw, damn.

Hey Calvin.

I must be in Hell.

- Floyd.
- Oh, why me Lord?

- Stop it.
Stop it, Floyd. Stop it.

- [whines]
- Stop it, stop it, stop it.

You scared us today.

- I don't know
what happened.

I mean, I just got light-headed
and I blacked out.

- You have exhaustion.

And your blood pressure's
still high.

You need to change your diet.
- Yeah, Floyd.

You're like a second
father to me.

I can't imagine you
not being here.

- I'm trying but I--
I just can't eat

those rice cakes and that salad.

It's nasty.

- Floyd, just take it easy.

Miranda came up
with a great idea.

- Well, I, um, I told Miss Ella
that I could come up

with some tasty
and healthy recipes for you.

- What and poison me?

Miranda, you know
you can't cook.

- Floyd.
- She can't.

- Yes she can.

- I've really been
working hard at this.

I'm a good cook now.

- That's not what Curtis
used to say.

- You really think
you can help him?

- Yeah, I can.

- Well, what did you
have in mind?

- Okay, well,
Floyd is old school, right?

And older people,
they're set in their ways.

He's been eating this way
his whole life.

So, you can't just give him
a salad and a rice cake.

He's not gonna eat it.

You have to cook
his favorite meals in moderation

and cook 'em cleaner.

- So, you're basically gonna
trick him into eating healthy?

- Oh yeah, precisely.

And that goes for
you and CJ too,

and working out with him.
You can't over exert him.

You have to take baby steps.

You know, like walking
and cycling

and doing stuff that's fun.

- True.
Okay, I got it.

I'll talk to CJ.
- Okay.

- ♪ ♪

- [coughs]

You know what, I believe
you the one that's got dementia.

- Why you say that?

- Well, we left here
'cause you said

you left your phone at home.

And then, we get over there
and then you say,

Aunt Ella wants something.

And now we
all the way back here.

And you said we was
supposed to work out.

Hell, I'm tired now.

- We just did.

- Just did what?

- Worked out.

Exercise don't
have to be strenuous.

We walked a mile.

We got your heart pumped up.

Got our steps in.

- So, you tricked me.

Oh, the deceit.

Just like a Payne.

- Your body will thank me later.

Think of it as, uh,
a reward with good health.

- I ain't gonna lie,
I do feel better.

But speaking of reward.

When is cheat day?

- It's your first day.

- So, tomorrow?

- Calvin, Calvin.

I love you.
You are my son.

Honey, why?

Why are you so agitated
by Miranda's presence?

Y'all have a child together.

However, I will respect
your feelings.

So, if it bothers you that much

I will be mindful
of having her come over here

when I know that you're coming.
- Look, Mom, we are divorced.

I have a fiance now.

When I divorced her,
the family should have too.

Now, you may not understand it,
but I need you to respect it.

- You're marriage
is not my business.

But she is Christian's mother.

And I will continue
to have a relationship with her

even if you don't.

Now, Miranda has hired me
to be her assistant.

- And Mom, you're wrong.
- Calvin.

- Look, I know divorce
is taboo in your time

but I need my space
from her.

I know Miranda's
still in love with me,

but we are living
two separate lives right now.

I need to respect my fiance.

Now, Miranda and I
need to have a conversation.

- You got that stubbornness
from your father.

[laughs]

She's trying Calvin.

And you have got to
meet her in the middle.

You two have got to be civil
if you're going to co-parent.

Remove the toxicity.

- There is no toxicity.

We're just working on this
in our own way.

Now, I need you to stop
enabling her feelings

and respect my decisions.

- When did you get so bold.

- You raised a man.

- Oh, I--I'm sorry, I didn't...
- No, it's okay, Miranda.

- Come on.
- Can we talk?

- I'll let you two do that.

- I need to apologize for
how I've been acting toward you.

You didn't deserve it.

And I was wrong.

I should have been
more of an adult

in the way I've been
handling my feelings.

- I'm glad to
hear you say that.

Calvin, listen, I just--I just
want us to communicate.

And yes, I do still love you.

However, I also know
we have been

on this emotional roller coaster
entirely too long.

Enough is enough.

- Look, Miranda,
I can't lie to you.

It's really hard
to be around you right now.

I'm trying to get to the place
where I'm okay with all of this.

- We gave up on us.

- Look, when you left,
I moved on.

I couldn't put my life on hold.

- Where do we go from here?

- We work on co-parenting.

You know I will
always love you, Miranda.

But I'm no longer
in love with you.

- ♪ ♪

- I know.

- ♪

- ♪