All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S10E17 - Wondering Prince WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

- ♪

- For the life of me,

I do not know where the rest of
my photo albums are.

So Miranda, you're just gonna
have to use this one.

And I have several pictures
of Calvin in this one.

And I hope it just helps out on
your project with Lisa.

Where are my albums?

- Wow, photo albums?

I mean, I heard about these,
but I ain't never think

I was gonna see one
outside of a museum.

- Yes baby, photo albums.

People would use cameras,
and they would take pictures,

and then they would
develop them,

and actually put
the picture in a book.

Thus, a photo album.

- But how did their friends
like, share, and repost them?

- There was life before
Internet, right Miranda?

Miranda, tell them.
- Huh?

- What are you doing on
that phone?

Did you hear anything
we just said?

- Oh--

- What are you doing
on that phone?

- Huh?
- Looking for jump offs.

I know that
phone finger dance,

left for no,
right for yes.

I almost swiped off my
fingertips

looking for a man like Malik.

- No, I'm not looking for dates,

I'm, um, just, you know,
scrolling through my timeline,

seeing what's trending.

- Ain't nothing trending
on that phone

but chocolate abs
and pretty teeth.

- Excuse you?
- It's the pretty teeth for me.

- Miranda, it's okay.

Baby, it's alright to move on.

I prayed for you
and Calvin's marriage,

and if it did not work out,
and it was not meant to be,

what can you do?

- Keep swiping on that phone.

That algorithm will
find you a man.

- Okay.

- Yes, sir!

It's about to be
cracking tonight.

Where's Floyd?
- He's back in the back.

Working on your
barbecue order.

C.J., why are you so
excited about

being the chairman
of the high school reunion?

- 'Cause your boy was cold
with it in high school.

I was the best player

that the Parkview
Purple Patriots ever had.

- Really? That's funny,
because Calvin said

that you had a weak jump shot,
braces,

and horrible acne
when you were in high school.

- ELLA: Correct.

- Calvin is a hater.
- ELLA: No, no...

- He's hating!
- No, it was high school,

which is why he was
the mascot.

So that he could put that helmet
on and hide his acne.

You're hating too,
it was junior high school.

- But they gonna see
how I peaked.

Some people peak in
high school, some people--

- Peak when they have
a wife and four kids.

I got it, I got it. This is not
a sprint, it is a marathon.

- Don't worry, you gonna
be killing them

once you become a Paw-Paw.

- No, I'm never gonna be
nobody's Paw-Paw,

that's between
you and Malik.

But I'm gonna kill them
this weekend, though,

because I got Floyd and Uncle
Curtis' barbecue sauce, right?

I've got a proclamation
from the mayor

of our graduating class,

and I got the best playlist
on the planet!

- Ah, Calvin did say that when
you were a rookie

at the fire station,
that you DJ'd.

Wait, what was your, uh,
your DJ name again?

- Yes, what was it?
[laughs hysterically]

- Uh, uh, names, names,
names are not important.

- Oh no, no, no, no,
they are very important,

so what was that name again?

- It was Dee Jayyyy--
- Hold up, hold up, hold up,

What had happened was that I
was trying to pay homage

to Grandmaster Flash
and the fire department.

- Okay.
- C.J.: Right, so

my name was--
- DJ Hot Flashes!

- No!

- Hot Flashes!

- 'Cause I used to be like
h-h-h-h- hot flash!

Wasn't "flashes,"
it was "Hot Flash."

Because it was
"woo woo."

- So question, C.J.,
did you play menopause music?

Like I don't understand.

- What kind of DJ names
himself after the change?

- I was young.
And I didn't know.

- ♪

♪♪

- C.J: What's up, Floyd?
- What's up, buddy?

- CALVIN: What's up,
Hot Flashes?

- Really? We not gonna
let that go, huh?

- Look, I ain't
saying a word,

'cause you are officially me
and Curtis' first paying client.

- I mean, it's gonna be a good
look for you, too.

It's gonna be at least 300
people there at the picnic.

- That's what I'm talking
about right there, boy.

We gonna have people licking
other people's fingers.

- Floyd, we don't need
another pandemic.

- It's gonna be crazy,
I mean libations, good food,

people dancing to the old school
sounds of Prince.

- That's what's up? Who else
is on the playlist?

- What you mean?

- What other artists
are you playing?

- We are the
Parkview Purple Patriots,

what other artist
do we need

other than
His Purple Highness?

- Well, I mean, you could have,
like, some Bobby Blue playing,

you know? That'll really
jump off the party.

- What year did you
graduate high school?

- Define "graduate".

- CALVIN: No, now real talk, you
are playing other artists

other than Prince, right?

- I might play
some other artists

that existed because of his
unprecedented brilliance, yes.

- Well, that makes no sense.
Who wants to just sit around

and listen to one artist
all afternoon?

- A generation of real music
lovers who appreciate real music

from musical geniuses.

- Okay cool,
well if it's old school,

then you got some Stevie Wonder
on the playlist too, right?

- You can fight me on this,
but Stevie Wonder's overrated.

- [grill slams closed]

- Wait one damn minute!

Let me tell you
what you not gonna do.

- Get him, O.G.

- We are not
gonna disrespect

one of the kings
of the music industry.

- Who you talking about, Elvis?
- Blasphemy!

Be gone, charlatan.

- You talking
about B.B. King?

- I'm talking about the artist
that every other artist

wish they could be.

- There are two kinds
of people in this world,

those who love Prince's music,

and those who have yet to fall
in love with Prince's music,

who I also like to call morons.

- Okay, that doesn't make
any sense.

Have you been smoking,

or has the smoke inhalation
killed your brain cells?

- Don't blame me if you lack
sophisticated musical taste

and the mental aptitude to
recognize genius.

- Oh, so now you calling
us stupid?

- Well, I don't
have to do that,

because you already did.

- Ella!

DJ Hot Flash out here
want to get his ash whooped!

- So, what do you think about
making a photo collage

with all the Payne babies
and my baby?

- Mm-hmm, I think you should
have the baby first.

- Girl, stop. I'm gonna use
the sonogram photo.

What you think?
- Uh-huh,

you know, I just don't
understand why I keep getting

these guys with one earring
and two kids.

- Read me what
you put in your profile.

- Okay, I put,
"Smart, divorced mother,

who loves to laugh."

Um, oh, "Barack and Michelle
relationship goals.

And stacked from
the front to the back."

- Yeah, delete all that,

except, "Stacked from
the front to the back."

- Even "smart?"
- Yeah, delete that first.

- But, why would I do that?

- "Divorced single mom"?

That's why you keep getting
these men with kids,

they slick, just want
a Brady Bunch.

- Okay, how did you become
the guru of dating profiles?

- Give me your phone.
- Okay.

- When you work at my
previous occupation,

you learn a lot about men.
- Okay.

- Right? So, most of them,
teachers, creepers,

preachers,
and attention-seekers.

But the key is focusing
on what you want.

- Okay.
- Okay?

- Okay, okay, okay.

Let me think about this.

I would like
a Barack Obama type,

but athletic, and loyal,
and sexy, and romantic.

Ooh, he has to love to shop.
- Okay.

- Love kids.

And he has got to be chocolate.

- Chocolate.
- Chocolate.

- LISA: Bet. Okay. Bad boy.
- Okay. No, no.

- Baller. Beach body.
Loves the Lord,

but not as much as he love
his sneakers, and submit.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
wait, I did not say that.

- Don't worry. Wait on it.

- Wait a minute.

Wait, look at him.
- Mm-hmm.

- He has two
diamond stud earrings.

He has no earrings.

Ooh girl, look at these abs.
- Yes.

- Oh no. And a PhD. What?

Ooh,
♪ it's the degree for me

Ooh, I like him.
I like that one.

- It looks like my work
here is done.

- Can we zoom in on this,
though?

- C.J., I don't know why
you talking crazy,

and I ain't gonna stand for it.

- Oh, you want to do this?
Then let's get crazy!

- Bruh, why you want to
knock me off my feet?

- Delirious!

That's what you sound
like right now, delirious!

- Okay, okay,
for once in my life,

I feel like you about
to catch these hands.

- Oh!

You want to make the house quake

and remind me like I did when I
used to bounce you off the room

when we was little.

- Oh, well I wish...

I wish those days would
come back,

because I am not that
little boy anymore.

- C.J.! Calvin!
What is going on in here?

- They arguing about which
one is better,

Stevie Wonder or Prince.

- Oh y'all scared me,
I thought you guys

were fighting for real.

And why would you fight
about that?

Everybody knows that it's--
- Prince.

[squeaks]

- Well, now we know what it
sounds like when doves cry.

- Keep talking that ish

and you gonna be
runnin' for higher ground.

- Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait,
what's with all the hostility?

Prince's lyrics
were like poetry.

- Yes.

- And he...
- Is very spiritual.

I mean, he was
a man of faith.

- Okay, so was Stevie.

He sung in the church when
he was a kid,

and you can hear it
in the music.

You would be stupid not
to think he was the best.

- I mean, the man did make
an album for three genres,

and he influenced generations
of prison cornrows.

- Oh, now you're reaching,
Floyd.

- No, serious Ella.
Okay, look,

Stevie went from little afro
to big afro.

From braids to long braids.

- That is the dumbest
argument I've ever heard.

Spoken by a moron that never
graduated high school.

- Wow.

That's messed up, C.J.

- Well, look, Floyd, I was
just--

- Looking for a new caterer
for your

purple high school reunion.
Hm?

Since I'm so damn stupid.

You know what?
I quit.

I can't do this.

- Hey, Auntie, I need the number
to the caterer

that catered your
Women's Day event.

- C.J., you need to
apologize to Floyd

and beg him
to cater your event.

- I ain't got no time
to be dealing with

no grown man caught in his
feelings over jokes.

- ELLA: I feel you, I see you,
Hot Flashes. DJ Hot Flashes.

- Flash, Flash.
- Oh, Flash.

- She makes a good point,
Moon Crater Face.

- Oh. That's what we doing, now?

- What's wrong?
You're in your feelings?

- No, I'm, I'm confident about
my skin is smooth.

- Now that it's cleared up.

- That was a long time ago.

Why y'all being so childish,
man?

It's not a big deal.

- CALVIN: To you. Other people
may be sensitive

to issues that you may
think are trivial.

- It's not trivial to me.

I mean, this reunion is
important to me.

He's the one that got blew up
and angry over--

- Black excellence.

It's black excellence,
I don't care how you cut it.

I don't understand why we're
not celebrating it

instead of fighting
over it.

- CALVIN: C.J., what's
the real reason

you're making an issue
out of all this?

- I just wanted an all-Prince
playlist, that's all.

- But why?

- 'Cause that was the first song

that me and Janine danced
to when, uh...

- When what?

- Okay, see, uh,
me and Janine was dancing,

and then Boogie Jackson
swooped in and stole her,

and then, uh,
they slow danced to "Lately."

- Boogie who?
You know what?

- CALVIN: Look, C.J.,
you need to go out there

and fix everything
with Floyd.

- ♪

- [hums to self]

Oh, look who is swiping
right to left, looking for love.

[laughs]

You and Malik have
an open relationship?

- Negative.

Malik the man I'm gonna spend
the rest of my life with.

- Oh, and how do you know that?

- Because he got everything
I never had, duh.

- Malik? Little Malik?

Shy Malik
who I've seen grow up?

- Mm-hmm.
- Ooh, okay.

- He humble.
- Uh-huh.

- And secure. He don't know what
he want to do with his life,

and he indecisive.

- Yeah, that doesn't um,

that doesn't sound like
marriage material to me, though.

- It ain't now,
but it's growth material.

I don't mind being with Malik,
because he ain't mind

being with me,
where I was when he met me.

- At Tail Waggers?
- Mm-hmm.

Yep.
When I was getting to my bag

and getting my credit score up,
so I can get my degree.

- Okay. Okay.
I see you making moves.

But I am going to make a move
with this one.

- Let me see. Swipe.
- Ooh! Look at him.

No kids, but loves kids.
- Okay.

- Oh, six-figure income,
oh rock-hard abs.

He's a deacon at his church.
Vegan, who's favorite food--

- Catfish.
- No, no, no,

it's actually kale smoothies.
- Uh-uh, catfish. He ain't real.

- How do you know?

- Because his bottom teeth
don't match his top.

- Oh.

Okay, well look.
How about him?

- Now, he is real.

- Yes.

- They really like Calvin.
They all are.

Abs, chocolate, loves kids,
that's your ex to a "T."

Look at his user name,
Cal-Van.

- That just means that
he's from California,

and he likes vans, right?

- Or you ain't ready
to move on.

- C.J.: Floyd?

- Man!

You scared the fool
out of me, man.

Look here, I was just reciting
these lyrics

of Stevie Wonder, man,
let me tell you something,

he's a genius, I don't care
what you say about him.

- I agree, I agree, and that's
why I came out to apologize.

- Look, I never had this
constant family time.

I mean, jawing with each other,
and talking trash,

and you know,
just for a minute,

I felt like I was part of this
family, and families fight.

- Floyd, you as much a part
of this family as anybody.

You ain't gotta
bite your tongue.

I, on the other hand,
insulted your intelligence,

which is easy to do.

And for that,
I apologize.

- Bruh, it's all good.

Appreciate that.

- So um, you wouldn't
happen to know a caterer

that could pull off
a last-minute miracle?

- For what?

- My purple picnic.

- Bruh, the food's all done,
it's being delivered.

- Serious?

- Now, you know I wouldn't be
having you out there like that.

I wouldn't have you out in these
purple streets

looking all raggedy,
which is pretty easy to do.

- Touche.

Okay.

- This photo album
gonna be amazing.

Y'all Paynes made some
beautiful kids.

- Yes we do.

- Yeah,
even this little boy

with the little lazy eye
over here.

- Oh, oh--[laughs]

That's Cousin Erika.
- And she's 71.

- Miranda, you remember?

- Of course I do.

I got divorced,
I didn't get neuralyzed.

- Love might be in the air soon,
somebody's getting matches.

- That's me.

- Good for you.
'Cause life goes on.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yes, it does.

- Oh, well it looks like
the picnic went well.

- FLOYD: Look here,
me and Curtis was dripping

off of everybody's lips.

- Floyd, do you hear
what you say?

- I'm sure DJ Hot Flashes
over here was killing them.

- Murdered them.

- Floyd.
- Too soon?

- Boogie Jackson is
no longer with us.

- Wait, you killed a man
at a picnic

because he danced with
your girl from high school?

- He didn't die at the picnic.
He passed away years ago.

- Well, what happened?

- Apparently,
he was at Freaknik,

stubbed his toe,
it got infected,

and he never went to the doctor.

- That's a terrible way
to die.

- That's not how he passed away.
- Okay.

- No. See, uh,

he was wearing a prosthetic
boot,

and it got wedged in between
the gas pedal,

and he drove his truck into
the Chattahoochee River.

- [Ella laughs]

- Oh no, are you serious?
- No!

- You taking me too far.

- No, Boogie owns a car lot
in Buckhead,

we chopped it up all day.

We was all talking!

- Don't do that!

- You know, you Paynes
are definitely still crazy.

- C.J.: For sure.

- Wait a minute,
I got another match.

- Yes.

That ring?
That mean he in the vicinity.

- Oh, well wait a minute,
I hear something chirping.

I thought you got off
the dating app?

- That ain't mine.
- Well then, whose is it?

- Whose is it?
Don't look over here, baby.

I know I ain't chirping.

- You see the man
playing the piano? Hm?

- But his showmanship
is better.

- Man, are you crazy?

You see all that
he brings to the stage

with his showmanship, man?

He's way more talented.

- So what? He plays the piano.
He's not a third as talented.

- C.J., RuPaul is not
as talented as Liberace.

I don't care what you say.

- I say you lost your mind.

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪