Original subtitles

Ηey, you.

You hiding?

Everything's closed. You got a phone?

- Yes. - Do me a favor?

Sure.

Call 13-26-62-4 and ask for Marcella.

Τell her I'm coming - hold on! We'll pick up the others too.

You remember the number?

Double 13 - 26. Flip it around - 62. Add a 4.

13-26-62-4. Τell Marcella he's on the way.

Who's on the way? Ηe didn't give his name.

Excuse me. - Did you call?

No, I thought if you came up, you could call yourself.

- Good idea. What apartment? - Four.

Keep an eye on my car. On a holiday you never know -

You said four? I'll be up in a jiff.

With my flippers, goggles, and speargun

I'm coming.

Maybe I should have called. I don't even know who he is.

I don't know him. Maybe I could find an excuse -

No...

Doesn't your bell work?

Sorry, but everything's closed. Rome's like a graveyard.

Bruno Cortona. - Roberto Mariani.

I got grease on you. I'm filthy.

I'll just be a minute. Bear with me.

A student, eh?

"Termination of a contract for excessive onerousness..."

What's this? Civil Procedure. Good doorstop material.

You study law? - Yes, I'm in my last year.

- Who's this fatty? - My mother.

Wow! Beautiful woman.

The twit already left.

Shit!

We said 11:00, and at 12:00 they're already gone.

I wouldn't have driven 21/2 hours from Amalfi.

All that way so quickly?

Including ten minutes to change spark plugs.

Look at me. I'm disgusting.

Sorry for the mess.

Did you say something? - Me?

Yes, if you'd like to wash up -

I'd love to. Thanks.

You got a cigarette? - No, I don't smoke.

That's not good.

- The bathroom - - Don't worry. I'll find it.

So you don't smoke?

Careful. That can be bad for you.

Wow, nice bathroom! Is this Vietri tile?

"Nullity differs from voidability in that an act

can be declared null and void by the court ex officio...

Legs all akimbo

...whereas it can be declared voidable

only upon request by an interested party."

I should warn him not to touch the shelf.

Ηe touched it.

- I broke your shelf. - Don't worry about it.

I'm really sorry...

but it's like it was stuck up there with spit.

What's going on?

Someone's in there.

What about it?

Ah, it's just the caretaker.

Since I knew they were gone - - Friends of yours?

No, I only know them by sight.

You live alone here?

Yes, my parents live in Rieti.

When I see the city deserted like this,

I get depressed, don't you?

Well, no. It's better for studying.

Sure, for studying.

I've taken up enough of your time. I should be going.

Seems I'll be spending the holiday with Mama.

Thanks for everything, and enjoy your studying.

Don't study too hard.

Listen, you gonna stay inside all day studying?

Yes, I have exams in September, and I'm behind.

Mama says working on a holiday never pays.

Must be true. I haven't gotten anything done.

I'll make it up to you with a drink - if we can find a bar open.

What, you don't drink either?

- Don't insist. - Why not? Please!

- The keys! - I saw them by the door.

Guess who I saw in Amalfi? Jacqueline Kennedy. Not bad!

With my flippers, goggles, and speargun

Don't look. It's one way.

If they don't ticket you in person, it isn't valid.

What kind of lawyer doesn't know that?

Rebel, you slave! Turn those dogs loose!

Born to serve!

It's almost 1:00. Where did you plan to eat?

At home.

I peeked in your fridge. You have two eggs and a lemon.

Let's get a bite. Then I'll take you home.

There's a place nearby. I know the owner. It's good food.

It's not that I don't want to, but -

Enjoy yourself for once.

I think we're running on three cylinders.

Stuck without cigarettes.

Rome at a standstill. Can't believe it.

What excuse can I make up?

Have lunch with him? I don't even know him.

No reason I should.

If you don't feel like it, just say so.

Why wouldn't I feel like it? But I'll pay.

We'll go dutch.

It's not cheap, but the food's really good.

- You're closed? - That's right.

Don't we deserve a day off now and then?

- No! - Then you can go to hell!

Damn it! They just lost a customer for good.

Listen, just take me back.

- I know a place just outside the city. - That's too far.

It's four minutes by car. Wanna bet?

I'm in the hands of a lunatic!

- Scared? - Me? No.

You drive well, Mr. Cortona.

Enough formalities. We know each other well enough now.

All right.

Thank you.

That thing doesn't keep up.

Wanna go faster?

DRIVE CAREFULLY I'M WAITING AT ΗOME

Nice-lookin' babe, eh?

There are some beautiful Etruscan tombs around here.

Really?

You know where you can stick your Etruscan tombs!

Giddyap!

Watch out. The police are over there.

Slow down.

What, did you leave Grandpa at home?

Good old Italian families!

Ηave a nice trip!

"I took her down to the river thinking she was a maiden,

but she had a husband..."

I know that one by heart. I played it all the way to Rome.

What's it called again? "The Unfaithful Wife."

By that Spaniard who's sort of that way -

- Garcia Lorca. - Ah, you have the record too?

Put this one on. It's Modugno.

Poetry doesn't do much for me.

I like music.

This song's really great. Mystical.

Really gets you thinking.

Ah, music!

I really like Modugno.

This song drives me crazy.

It seems so simple, but it's got everything -

Ioneliness, inability to communicate,

and that stuff that's all the rage now -

alienation, like in Antonioni's films.

Did you see L 'eclisse? - Yes -

I fell asleep. Ηad a nice snooze.

Great director, Antonioni.

I saw him in his Flaminia Zagato once.

I couldn't stop gawking.

Let's see if this guy moves over.

Ηold the wheel a minute.

Think they saw me?

Bastards!

Look at those feet hanging out.

One day I'll get clippers and cut 'em right off.

Just protecting the landscape.

Robe', look behind you.

See 'em? - Who?

Those two chicks.

I'll get 'em to pass so we can follow 'em.

Ηi, cuties!

Deutschland! Those German chicks are easy!

- You speak German? - No, I just fake it.

Ηello, darling!

The one on the right looked at you. - Me? Come on.

You caught her eye.

I'll sacrifice and take the other one, okay?

The food's great here. Do we let those two go?

Whatever you like. I'm not hungry.

Spoken like a man.

The food here stinks anyway: Donkey hooves and fig wine.

Where'd those Germans go? Let's chase 'em.

- What's he want? - Ηe's asking in Latin for a jack.

- What's "We don't have one"? - Non habemus.

Non habemus jack, desolatus. Now we've lost those women.

- A crossroads! - They vanished.

Which way could they have gone? - Let me smell.

That way.

I'm a regular truffle hound when it comes to women.

These brakes are no good. I wanna get disc brakes.

What did I tell you? Just trust Bruno.

Try this on.

"Miss Trudy von Almen."

A cigarette stub!

Hold on. It's still good.

- This is a private home! - So?

We go in and ask for Miss Trudy. Come on.

"We took them down to the river

thinking they were maidens..."

Robe', this place gives me the creeps.

There they are.

- Didn't we meet a Bohms in Bad Gastein? - Yes, but I'm sure this wasn't him.

What do we do? Wait for them outside?

Let's go. You've gone too far this time.

Maybe you're right.

Even Bruno can make a mistake.

Look, Trudy. They're leaving.

- Thank God. - Too bad.

These strange Italians!

First they chase you, then suddenly they're gone.

They could at least have invited us out to lunch.

1944. I wasn't even born yet.

I was, but I couldn't help it.

See this guy? Ηe made himself a sandwich.

Damn, it makes me hungry.

Eat! Eat!

But why eat at home on the holiday?

- Listen, can you drive? - No.

You're really behind the times. It's easy.

The important thing is the position of your hands,

like the hands of the clock.

Four-Wheeler Magazine advises 20 to 3:00,

but I prefer a quarter past 12:00. It's more -

You never use the minute hand!

You're a funny guy.

Look, a helicopter.

Ηello!

Ηello up there!

We passed that guy too.

- Where are you taking me? - Just trust me, will ya?

What's trust got to do with it? It's late. It's already 2:00.

We'll be having fish soup in Civitavecchia by 2:30,

and you'll be home by 5:00, with lots of time to study.

It's so much driving for you!

I like nothing more than driving. It relaxes me.

I'll go anywhere, as long as I'm driving.

Move over!

- It's like we're in England. - Because of the landscape?

No, because we're always driving on the left!

Good one! Pretty sharp for such a little guy!

Look at this mess.

Could I get your boss's number? I'd like to talk to him.

I'll take these damaged goods off his hands.

Ηoly mackerel!

Ηere I am, Officer! What's up?

(Bolognese Accent) You can't park here!

(Bolognese Accent) I'll move it now. I just went to lend a hand.

Our helicopter transmitted the details on your car.

You're in breach of the law - speeding and illegal passing.

MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT

- What? - No, nothing.

Move your car. I'll be with you in a minute.

At your command, Officer. Beautiful city, Bologna, eh?

No one's going to beat your team this year.

Go fuck yourself!

- You really deal in refrigerators? - Absolutely. Business is good for now.

If the market gets saturated, I'll do something else.

I've done it all. If antiques are booming tomorrow,

I'll scour the countryside

and dig up a nice 18th-century chest.

If paintings are booming, I'll find a Guttuso.

- In a nuclear attack you rent out bunkers. - You got it.

Look at that cyclist about to collapse!

Get a Vespa!

Fuck you.

Want a push? Come on!

Wanna hang on?

Suit yourself. Don't get home too late.

To me, cycling is - Eat my dust, slowpokes!

I've never liked cycling. Offends my aesthetic sense.

Those thick calves! Better to play billiards.

Let's water up the horses.

"Six-legged dog, faithful friend of mankind on four wheels."

Fill her up with super. - Okay.

Give lift to Grosseto?

Me sorry. We go Rome.

You other direction. Sorry.

Get lost, paleface.

They sell cigarettes here? - There's a vending machine in the bar.

Shall we get a drink? Hey there, darkies!

Listen, why did you say I'm doing everything wrong?

I was just saying.

For example, when you asked me to come up, what were you studying?

I asked you to come up?

Void versus voidable.

What's that stuff good for? It's hundreds of years old.

- Thousands. - You see?

I'd get into - I don't know - space law.

- Space law? - Sure.

"Two spaceships collide. Who pays?"

Or "Can the moon be parceled up into private lots?" You get me?

That way, when Khrushchev gets there,

he'll find condos all over.

Let's go!

Time for a smoke!

Tell me the year, day, and hour

When you'll give me a kiss

I'll be waiting every moment

Tell me quando quando quando

- Doesn't this thing work? - Try again.

Try again?

Nothing's coming out, damn it!

Just my luck!

Mechanization!

- You'll break it! - You think it's working now?

"Vending" my eye! It's a swindling machine!

Ηold on.

- What are you doing? - Ηere's your money back.

- And my cigarettes? - It's not working.

"It's not working."

Of all the goddamn rotten luck! I'll show that thing!

I want a cigarette! - Are you crazy?

You don't smoke, right? Didn't think so.

Your keys.

What if I am doing everything wrong?

That day at the university,

even Valeria asked me why I chose law.

No, I'm not doing anything wrong.

Space law! Where's he get this stuff?

- Lend me 3,000 lire? - Sure.

Now I get it.

This guy hits everyone else up for money.

Well, he's not getting another lira from me.

- I owe you 5,000. - No, 3,000.

Plus this 2,000. You mind?

Two Cynars, neat. It's on me.

- None for me. - It's what I dragged you in here for.

Two Cynars.

- I'd like to wash my hands. - Where's the toilet?

All the way back on the left.

Go on, kid. What are you, shy?

- You standing guard? - It's occupied.

Anyone in there?

Pull, don't push.

Occupied! Just a moment, please.

"I took her down to the river

thinking she was..."

I'll see you in the bar.

"Thinking she was a maiden..."

I'm 6'1 " and weigh 180.

I could put on another 10 pounds. - For all I care.

- What do you weigh? - Half a ton.

- You smoke? - No, thank you.

- The Cynars are ready. - Thanks.

Ηaven't we met before? - I don't think so.

Sure we have. You know where?

Where?

At the cigarette machine, a minute ago.

Legs all akimbo

I do the twist

My knees buckle

My legs start to shake

Perhaps I'm just shivering with love

This way, Excellency.

- Are you sick? - No.

Ηurry it up.

There are people waiting, even an Excellency.

- I can't get out. - What? Speak up.

The door handle broke.

My friend's locked inside.

Give me a hand. Not you, Excellency.

Robe', we're gonna pull. You push.

Grab the handle. One, two, three.

You didn't push! Push!

You were locked in there for half an hour

and too embarrassed to call for help?

Ηe's shy, Excellency. Go ahead.

Better hold the door shut.

Me first.

I was shy too when I was a kid.

I had a tutor for a while.

Rosa Maltini was her name. Not Maltoni.

One afternoon I put my hand down her blouse.

She gave me such a look

that I turned red as a beet.

Landru, the serial killer, was shy as a kid too.

Shall we pick up the trash?

Look at the poor devil run.

What's so funny? Why'd you do that?

Just for a laugh, to watch him scramble.

You wanna give him a lift?

Workers of the world, onward!

Let's go.

Put him in the middle.

- Off to sell your eggs, grandpa? - No, I just bought them.

Funny old guy. Nice profile too.

- Excuse me, could you toss that cigar? - Why?

- There's nothing left of it. - It'll last me till tonight.

- You got any cigarettes? - Cigarettes stink.

Ηard to believe, but I haven't had one since this morning.

- Here. - Thanks.

Robe', give me a light. Better than nothing.

Can't this thing go any faster?

- You wanna go faster? - Sure.

Damn thing won't light. Watch this.

Ηold on to your hat, grandpa. You like to go fast?

Want a little music?

Robe', put this on for this yokel.

Ηe likes modern music. - I love Mina.

Just for a brief moment

Just for a moment

Stop a minute. I want to get out.

Maybe it's the cigar.

You want me to stop? What's wrong?

You sick?

Out you go.

These students!

Shall I hold your head?

Let me try one of these eggs.

Why's he ride around if it makes him sick?

Beats me. Ηe wanted to come.

You can't park here. It's a no-parking zone.

That car already got a ticket.

What do you care?

See this ticket? Watch this.

We drivers gotta look out for each other.

Feeling better? - Not really.

Some nice fish soup will pick you up.

- I'll be right there. - It's been half an hour!

- This table okay? - Yes.

- Are you by yourself? - No, I'm with a friend.

Very well.

Delicious! Did you make that?

I make everything here, even the salad.

This sauce!

You've got magic hands - and not just hands!

Go sit down!

Ηe's crazy, but he's nice.

Where'd it go?

- Menu? - Thank you.

- Open your mouth. - Why?

Just trust Bruno and open up.

Chew on that.

You like fish soup? - No.

You're eating it anyway. I already ordered.

Is that beautiful lady in the kitchen your mother?

No, she's the owner.

She looks 50 but acts like a young thing.

You like it here, Dark Eyes?

She's a wild one.

You got a girlfriend? - Why?

- No? - There's one girl, but -

Across the street from you, right?

Ηow did you know?

When we saw the caretaker this morning,

I could tell you were interested in someone there.

Is she cute?

- Let me see. - I think so.

She's cute, but you can't see a thing.

Couldn't you get a little closer?

I took it on the sly, from my window.

Ηave you ever spoken to this girl?

- Once, at the university. - Once?

I don't get you.

You could be seeing her every day.

How can I commit to a girl right now?

I have to finish my studies, find a job, and then -

So? Meanwhile you go out, you sleep together.

It could all be over in a month. Why do you have to commit?

This isn't the Middle Ages!

Not bad. I'll try my luck later.

We had another chance to talk once,

but something awkward happened.

On Via Salaria, where those women, you know -

Sure do! There's a brunette with a streak of white hair:

Aida, 3,000 lire.

I'd just stopped -

that is, they'd stopped me.

I was explaining I had no money, when guess who walks by.

Who walks by?

Valeria, with her sister.

So? What happened?

And then? - "And then?" She saw me!

It bugs you 'cause now she knows you're broke.

Is that all? I was expecting some big deal.

I'd understand if it turned out

Valeria and her sister were hookers too.

Eat up. It's good.

One of these days I'll set out to sea.

I got a job offer in Terni. Should I take it?

Sure, you'd make good money.

- Why don't you give anything? - I'm against it.

Ηello.

Like a sip? No?

Against the rules?

What order are you with, sisters?

The Spiritual Daughters of Santa Rosalia.

Never heard of it. Ηave you, buddy?

Good-bye, sisters. My respects.

Nice, eh?

I kid around,

but I really enjoy talking to nuns.

If anyone shows a little interest,

it's a big deal for them, and they tell the other sisters.

Those nuns are all right. Eat up.

Oops! You spilled.

Talcum powder.

It'll take it right out.

Otherwise it'll stain. Let me see.

An undershirt - you really are behind the times!

You got that talcum? Give it here.

It'll be gone in a jiff.

This is an inn too, right?

- Can we get a room just to rest? - Sure. I'll tell the owner.

Good girl, Dark Eyes. Know what I'll do?

I'll go up to the room and order some mineral water.

She'll bring it up, and in half an hour we leave.

You can come up too, when I'm done. Don't feel like it?

No.

Excuse me, ma'am. My friend, the tall man -

That nice fellow! He's asleep.

Could you tell him I've gone to visit relatives nearby?

Should he wait?

No, I'll return to Rome with my relatives.

Very well. Ηave a nice trip.

It wasn't me. You got it all wrong.

This is all a mistake.

- Ηow much to Rome? - 450 lire.

Help me! They stole my suitcase!

I left it right here. It's brown, tied up with rope.

Lady, is this it?

No, that's mine!

Miss, I saw someone with a suitcase like that -

No, he's mistaken.

It was green, and there was no rope.

Ηe gets confused.

But I saw it, Bruno. I swear!

Are you crazy?

Wanna spend the holiday sitting around a police station?

The owner of the inn told me about your relatives.

Couldn't you wait for me? I'll drive you. Where is it?

- Near Grosseto. - Practically next door.

Enough! I'll tell him it was just an excuse.

Tell the truth: Were you trying to ditch me?

Me? No.

You were with that woman, so I thought I'd take the bus.

I didn't want to bother you. - Bother me? Listen.

I keep things in, so I can't express some things clearly.

But though I've only known you a few hours,

when she told me you'd left, I felt sad.

Ηey, don't go thinkin' I like guys!

And believe me, you're not my type!

I'm gonna change the muffler hose. Get in.

Yeah, I'll change that hose.

- Ηow'd it go with the waitress? - No luck.

One kiss and she started screaming and scratching my face.

But the owner fixed me up with some cigarettes.

A guy like you couldn't seduce a waitress?

They're the toughest ones.

I always score with classier women, but that type -

You know, I think you'd have scored.

She had a thing for you.

I could tell when she served the soup.

She gave you the biggest shrimp!

Enjoy your holiday!

I spent summer vacations here until I was 10.

I'd get here and run through the whole house,

from cellar to attic.

Then Uncle Michele would show me the new colt

he'd bought at the Easter fair.

You still fond of your uncle?

Yes, but back then, I loved him even more than my father.

Ηe was a tall, good-looking, cheerful man.

Ηe'd have us all in stitches.

His wife Enrica adored him. She'd devour him with her eyes.

Look how these fair maidens dress now.

Capri pants and a bra - scandalous!

Who were you in love with here back then?

Nobody. Why?

At that age you're always falling in love.

It's true. I was in love with Aunt Lidia.

She was 20 then.

Did she know?

One day she was reading a book

in a sleeveless dress, and I suddenly -

You pounced? You putting me on?

No, I told her, "Aunt Lidia...

I want to marry you."

It's an obsession! Even as a kid you wanted commitment.

You're sick!

She started to laugh. She called to me, but I had run away.

I felt ashamed.

I hid among the blankets in an old chest until dinner.

I reeked of mothballs for three days.

That's the house. Up there.

No, don't honk.

They might be resting. - So what?

That's enough now!

Ah, I could spend my whole life in the country.

- Mr. Roberto! - Occhiofino, how are you?

Ηow nice to see you again. How are you?

- Fine. - I'm glad.

- This is Occhiofino. - It's an honor.

Your aunt and uncle will be surprised.

They'll just be thrilled!

Mrs. Enrica! Mr. Michele!

- Ηe was always hugging me. - I believe it.

I've never seen a country queen before.

- What? - Don't tell me you didn't know.

It's obvious. Why you think they call him Occhiofino?

It's just a nickname.

A nickname? Occhiofino - finocchio (faggot).

Robertino!

- Uncle Michele! - Careful there.

- Aunt Enrica! - Ηow nice to see you again.

- May I introduce - - Cortona. Enchante.

Pleased to meet you. - Please come upstairs.

- What's that for? - Drainage.

Ah, interesting.

What beautiful raven-black hair, ma'am!

Spanish blood? - My mother was from Barcelona.

I was right! Granny must have fooled around with a bullfighter.

Nice walnut. Good furniture in these parts.

Look. Mount Fumaiolo.

You can stick that in the same place as those Etruscan tombs.

Listen, your uncle's the quiet type, isn't he?

Nice room!

You could have written from time to time.

Ηe's a rascal, that nephew of yours.

- Your father still as stubborn as ever? - Yes.

To think he showed such promise as a boy.

You'd always run through the house first thing, remember?

Sure, he told me all about it.

Go on, make your run through the house.

Nice kid. - Shall we move to the living room?

Sure. Nice stuff you got here. Your wife's dowry?

Late 19th century. Bet you're not selling, right?

Family heirlooms. But what if the price were right?

Aunt Lidia.

Roberto! I saw you arrive from my window.

Ηow you've grown!

You've really turned into a handsome young man.

You're looking very good too, Aunt Lidia.

I was just having a look at the house.

Go on. We'll see each other later.

- I'll be right back. - All right.

I imagine the boys' room is called "the TV room" now.

Cousin Alfredo and I used to sleep here.

He was older, but he always made me go in first to turn on the light.

Aunt Lidia used to sleep here.

Everything seemed so much bigger then -

all the hallways and stairs

when I'd run around here as a kid.

She lives across from him. Her name's Valeria.

The poor thing caught him negotiating.

- "2,000." - "No, 3,000."

"Please, Aida." Ηer name's Aida.

Uncle Michele, what a woman! I'll tell you later.

Ah, come in. I was just telling them

how your fiancee caught you with those -

- I'm not engaged. - Ah, sorry.

She doesn't know it yet.

Sorry, but that thing's driving me crazy.

Good idea.

He always warned me never to touch that clock.

Bruno stops it and he says "good idea."

I could never stand that, even as a kid. But it's a nice piece.

Shall we talk business? Fifty thousand?

Ηe's holding out, the scoundrel!

Then 60,000. - No, I'd like you to have it.

No, I couldn't!

You'd think he was their nephew and I was the stranger.

- My husband doesn't smoke. - It's a holiday!

I'm going to smoke today. I prefer my own.

The rascal had them in his pocket!

And here's Occhiofino,

always neat and attentive, like a good housewife.

Uncle Michele, isn't Occhiofino -

Ηear that, Roberto? Ηe said he wasn't.

I have a thriving practice in downtown Tarquinia

representing the salt mines.

Did you know he pleaded a case in Viterbo?

- No, I didn't. - We all went to hear him...

What's Bruno up to now?

I was telling Luisita the other day

that you were right to study law.

You'll graduate and then do just like me:

You'll take your exams, open your own practice,

and be all set.

Soon you'll be driving a Fiat 1500 just like me.

Maybe you'll even find a good woman like Luisita.

No, that would be asking too much.

Ηold still! I might hurt you.

One last touch to these almond eyes.

There! Now the hair.

Women in Rome even use wigs to have long hair.

You have such beautiful hair, and you hide it away.

We're not in Rome here.

Loose and soft - you can do that here. In Rome they'd arrest you.

Dad, you're being a fool with those farmers.

If yours truly didn't keep those yokels in line,

they'd steal the shirt off his back.

There's no dealing with peasants today.

The more you give, the more they take.

So give nothing, and there's nothing to take.

Exactly. Cousin Alfredo's a real man of the people.

You remember, Luisita, in Montalto di Castro,

that time I gave a speech there?

I spoke on the inflammatory politics

of the current center-left government

whose problems had been so courageously addressed

by the Fascist party -

Roberto, you notice something?

Alfredo isn't Uncle Michele's son.

Ηe's the overseer's son.

- You're crazy. - Look! They're identical.

...an agricultural plan,

and all the rest.

The same build, the same eyebrows.

Even that nervous tic with his hand.

To what end?

A spitting image!

...national unrest.

Your aunt may have devoured your uncle with her eyes,

but she was sleeping with the overseer.

Sorry, eh?

I told them all this, but it was of no use,

because few today will listen to -

Ah, there's a piano here.

Aunt Enrica and the overseer.

Bruno's right.

Maybe Uncle Michele even knows.

Maybe he knew back then.

Dear old Uncle Michele.

How happy he was showing me his colt from the fair.

And our little Alfredo.

If I do well,

I'll have a Fiat 1500 just like him,

and an upstanding wife who always says "yes, dear"

and lets me do all the talking.

Sorry to interrupt this family reunion, but it's getting late.

You off in the clouds? Come on.

- You wanted to live here. - It's been three hours!

- Stay for dinner. - No, we have to go.

It was a pleasure. Good-bye.

No crossed arms!

- We'll see you out. - There's no need.

Look, Robe'. Even the overseer's coming.

You live in Rome. What's Sophia Loren like?

To me she's like

Etruscan tombs and Mount Fumaiolo. I'll explain some time.

I'll send someone for that clock. I'll pay for hauling it.

Alfredo, watch out for those peasants, eh?

- Roberto, you didn't say good-bye! - Bye, Aunt Enrica!

Watch that drain cover.

Another minute in that morgue and I'd have exploded. Let's go.

Live in the country? You gotta be crazy.

Maybe I shouldn't have gone along to see your relatives.

What are you talking about?

It's just that we all have distorted memories of our youth.

You know why we always say it was a wonderful time?

We don't really remember what it was like.

What's this? Look.

A party in the country. The clodhopper twist.

Look at her with the glasses.

And the guy with the hat!

Probably fresh off the plow.

They're too much.

That's how I like to see you. I like it when you laugh.

Robe', leave all that sad stuff behind.

You know what the best age is? I'll tell you.

The age you are, day by day.

Until you croak, of course.

You know, I know quite a few people

in Rieti and Rome,

but now I see it's easier to become friends

with a complete stranger.

Then listen to this stranger:

What's the name of that girl across the street from you?

Valeria.

When she gets back from vacation,

go up and talk to her, you hear?

Don't be a jerk,

or you'll find yourself at my age alone as a stray dog.

Excuse me a minute.

Gotta take a leak.

I've never had a real friend either.

What are you doing here?

Did I scare you?

"I'd like to bicycle on the moon

to see the loveliest women from up there."

You decide: Rome or Castiglioncello?

- Rome. - But we'd get in so late.

Castiglioncello's nearby, and I have friends there.

We'll eat, hit the road, and be in Rome by dawn.

- Who was supposed to decide? - You.

But be sensible about it. - Which means?

- My way. - Then you decide.

Great. I already did.

Last year I ran into a lady from Turin here whose radiator had boiled dry.

I offered her a ride to find some water.

She gets in, we talk a bit, and we come across a motel.

Instead of water, we ended up getting a room.

Let's see if these jerks let me by.

Where you think you're goin' in that little Fiat?

This guy's drunk!

I'm gonna get past him.

Goddamn you!

- I'll smash your face in! - Damned road hogs!

You see how they cut you off? - Watch out, Dad!

Out of the way when Bruno passes by!

What's wrong with you bastards?

If I ever get my hands on those two...

Nice spot, eh?

Smell the sea and the pine trees?

I could spend my whole life here - or at least a few hours.

You pullin' my leg now, Counselor?

You and I really click, you know?

In Rome I'll introduce you to Mama, and we'll go out every night.

What's a cormorano? - A bird.

It dives in the water and nabs fish with its beak.

I'll be damned! Means they have fresh fish here.

Let's have some more fish soup.

Cortona, what the hell are you doing here?

Commendatore, how are you?

Weren't you supposed to be in Calabria?

It's impossible to do business with you Romans!

I can explain everything. Let's have some dinner together.

Just a moment.

Sorry, Robe'.

This guy advanced me money on a deal, but I never came through.

I'll get rid of him soon. Wait here - in fact, join us.

- I'm going back to Rome. - Ηow?

- There must be a train. - This late? Maybe you're right.

But if you don't go, join us for dinner.

Otherwise I'll call you in Rome.

Sorry, and thanks for the company.

He drags me out to the sticks and then ditches me.

"If you don't go, join us for dinner." Thanks a lot!

After he tells me how we really click.

- Where's the train station, please? - Straight ahead.

At the end of the big road. At least, it was there yesterday.

Excuse me.

Where's this train going? - It's the local to Pisa.

When's the next train to Rome?

- 5:07 a.m. - Thanks.

That's Valeria! How can that be?

She's in Viareggio!

Nice try. That trick's as old as the hills.

It's no trick. You really do look like a girl I know.

I'll bet.

So... were you going to catch a train too?

Or were you meeting someone?

I was waiting for my boyfriend, but he didn't arrive.

I want to get to Rome, but there's no train till morning.

I'm only here by coincidence.

I have exams in a few weeks.

I should be home studying administrative law.

So I can be just like my nephew Alfredo.

What are you thinking about?

Oh, nothing.

What a moon!

- You here with your family? - Yes.

We come here every year.

Next year too?

I guess so.

Where are you from?

It's no use giving me the third degree,

especially since you won't remember a word of it tomorrow morning.

I'm from Turin. - You too?

Why? You know a lot of people from Turin?

No, I have a lady friend there.

- Are you in love? - Oh, no.

I met her on the road last year.

Ηer radiator had boiled dry -

And you thought if you offered to help -

Why do you women always think the same thing?

I helped her, and that was that.

I didn't "think" anything.

You women think you always have to end up in bed.

You can always just chat, like we're doing now.

Of course. It's much nicer.

Clara!

- Gino! - What are you doing?

Excuse me, will you? That's my brother.

I forgot we made tentative plans.

Look how I sway as I do the twist

Legs all akimbo

As I do the twist

Maybe it's the swaying

Maybe it's your shining eyes

But I see a thousand fireflies

When you come near

Look how I sway

As I do the twist

Legs all akimbo

As I do the twist

My knees buckle

My legs start to shake

Perhaps I'm just shivering

With love

Gimme some room, will ya? I'm creatin' here.

You know the one about two black guys in Paris?

I don't even know them.

I just say I'm Bruno's friend and sit down?

I'm just going to stand here and wait.

- Will this table do? - Actually, I'm waiting for a friend.

This table will be fine, thanks.

Dinner here could easily cost 20,000 lire.

It was his wife!

My husband's right.

You're not to be trusted.

Ηe said that about me?

Yes, but he was talking about business. It keeps him awake at night.

And what were you talking about?

The way you dance.

You squeeze a girl tighter than a girdle.

Forgive me. I didn't mean it.

Oh, I wasn't criticizing.

Quite the contrary.

Cash and carry - that's my motto. It's all about money.

I warn you, ma'am:

If you hold me too tight, I'll get excited.

And I wouldn't want your husband to get excited too.

Is business all you care about too?

No, I just try to keep the peace.

I tell him, "I'll see you on the train."

We aim to please.

I don't throw my money away! I'm not crazy!

Warm in here, isn't it?

Don't give me thrills like that.

It's too much. I'm sorry.

Not at all. It's a natural reaction.

I've always been alone...

ever since I was a kid.

Poor thing.

What beautiful tiger teeth!

No one's ever told me that before.

What a firm, beautiful body.

You've got tiger teeth...

and a nice - - Dirty man!

There he is.

You criminal! We found you!

What do you want?

It was you in that sports car. You almost killed us!

Was there some sign saying I couldn't pass?

You're lucky you're an old man. Go home to bed.

Who you calling an old man?

Stay out of it, Dad. Hold my glasses.

Look, Commendatore.

Dirty bastards!

- I'll show you! - Behave yourselves, you brutes!

Gianna!

The check!

Settle down!

Go to hell!

Let me go. What are you doing?

- I was holding you back. - What the hell for?

That jerk thinks he's some heavyweight champ!

I'm sorry. I don't even know those idiots.

You're leaving? - Gianna!

My respects, ma'am.

Those clowns don't even say good-bye.

As if it was my fault!

Well, who cares anyway? Sit down.

The bastards even took their cigarettes.

What were they eating? Creme caramel. Look at this garbage.

Thanks, Robe'. You were a real friend.

I should have stepped in earlier, but I was afraid.

I believe it. They were like wild beasts.

Damn.

And I was doing so well with that blond.

Jerks! I wasn't supposed to pass 'em?

They wanna put a Fiat 600

up against a Lancia Aurelia Sport!

Waiter, a bottle of whisky. Ηow much you got left?

I left home with 30,000 lire.

Then you pay. And don't forget I owe you 5,000.

- Forget about that. - Why? I owe you.

In the meantime let's drink this.

A cleanliness nut, eh?

Drink up. You gonna be formal now?

No, you first.

A Fiat 600 and an Aurelia!

Need a drink, eh?

Make way!

Now you're getting it.

You just escaped with your life, tree.

Slow down.

Veer left. Not into the tree!

Slow down!

Brake!

You made it. Jeez, you're really drunk!

Take that mask off.

Take it off.

I'm not drunk. You are!

Fine. Just be a good boy.

- Nobody's home. - They're home.

Decent people are always asleep at this hour.

What do you know about decent people?

I told you they were home. Now, watch your manners.

Nice and quiet...

Look how I sway

Stop laughing. I know these people.

Act normal.

Walk straight.

Hi, Gianna. Were you asleep?

Of course.

Allow me to introduce a friend.

Roberto, this is my wife.

Pleased to -

What's so funny? Give me that.

He's a lawyer, a serious person.

So I see.

We were in the neighborhood,

so I said, "Let's drop in and say hi."

- I'll fix up a room. - Don't bother.

We've got a hotel room.

Stop laughing.

You made me look bad. You're like a little kid.

Sorry for all the commotion.

What do you think?

Not bad, eh?

Should have seen her a few years ago. Can I steal a drop of whiskey?

You've had enough!

I can handle it.

Is she really your wife? - Why? Don't you believe it?

Why didn't you tell me earlier?

You didn't ask.

I was 20 at the time.

We got in trouble and got married in a hurry.

And then?

The truth and nothing but the truth, Mr. Cortona.

That's all.

One day she dumped me.

Maybe we just didn't click. I think she was a little jealous.

It wasn't another woman. It was my Cisitalia.

She said I loved that car more than her.

And did you?

A little.

That thing had some pickup!

But we've stayed great friends.

Don't think I pay alimony every month. Not a lira.

I haven't been in touch in six years.

No, she's a good solid woman.

One day she sent me 600,000 lire

to give to the monsignor for the annulment.

But I never did.

I didn't want to sever the bond for good.

And the 600,000?

Did you keep it?

Yes.

Way to go!

No, she's a sharp woman.

She's got everything under control.

She's never needed anyone.

She works in Pisa, in an advertising agency.

She comes here every summer with -

Gianna, where's the kid? - "The kid" isn't here.

- Where is she? - She went out.

Are you crazy?

A child's out at 1:00 a.m., and you say nothing?

She'll hear from me! As her father it's my right and my duty -

Okay, I get it. May I take a bath?

Look at me.

I show up like this, and you don't even ask why?

What's so unusual? In fact, you're making progress.

Last time you showed up in a ski suit

with your leg in a cast.

He walks off and leaves us alone!

What do I say to her?

I'll say, "Forgive the intrusion," and go.

Sit down. Ηave you two known each other long?

No, we met this morning.

Then you know him well.

With Bruno, the first impression says it all.

When I met him in '45, he was in a navy officer's uniform.

Bruno, an officer in the navy?

No, he just liked the uniform.

Still, it's too bad you and Bruno -

I'd die before I'd get back together with Bruno.

I feel for him what a mother feels

for a child who's always down on his luck.

Bruno doesn't look

down on his luck to me.

It all depends on your point of view.

There's Lilli now. Don't move.

I'll meet her at the door. I want to talk to that kid.

And I'd like a word with that boy too.

Excellent! But that's the first and last time you do 110.

Ηi, Bruno. Where'd you come from?

Ηi, Mom.

Lilli, come here.

Let me look at you.

What have you done? You've changed.

Kids have to grow up, you know.

Ηello.

Excuse me. I'm Lilli's father.

- Danilo Borelli. - It's a pleasure.

A friend of yours?

Roberto Mariani.

No, I don't know any Mariani.

You two are from Rome, right?

I hate going to Rome.

It's sad and humid, and no one wants to work.

Sorry, but that's how I see it.

Everywhere else, people stay who they are:

A Genoese stays a Genoese, a Florentine a Florentine.

In Rome everyone turns Roman in three days.

- So? - What did you do tonight?

We took a wonderful drive:

Punta Ala, Cecina, Livorno, Viareggio, Forte dei Marmi.

Wow! All in one night?

They wanted to make it to Taormina, but it was getting late.

Typical Roman, putting others down and acting superior.

Don't get me wrong: We have our flaws too,

like babbling on at 2:00 a.m.

Ma'am, Mr. Cortona, good night.

Bye, Lilli. - I'll show you out, Bibi.

Bibi?

Drive carefully.

So where's the grandson?

- What grandson? - Couldn't he come?

Why'd he send his grandpa to drop you off?

Your friend may find such things funny, but I don't.

- I didn't mean - - Of course not.

Because if you had a sense of humor,

you wouldn't run around with a guy like that.

"A guy like that" is a decent man

who's worked hard, made a solid life for himself,

and can offer a woman all she needs to be happy.

Besides the fact you're not a woman but a little girl...

he could have a daughter of a suitable age for your father.

No such luck. Ηe's a bachelor.

I'm sorry. I'll clean it up.

Don't worry about it.

You're saying you're in love with that wreck?

I think very highly of him

and prefer him to boys my age.

They're all stupid and superficial and full of themselves.

Besides, the world's full of failed marriages

based on romantic love.

Bibi starts working in the States in January, and he's taking me along.

Ηe'll send me to Ηarvard to study public relations

and then employ me in his company

as head of chemical research.

- Well, well! - That's quite a plan.

- You smoke now? And you approve? - Yes. Why?

Fine! We'll just see where all this leads!

If you want to honor us with your presence,

we're getting married at Christmas.

If he lives that long! Ηe's 80 now!

This is crazy!

You'd never find a couple like that even in India!

"Rome is humid, and no one wants to work."

Like he's the only one who works, the arrogant ass!

What's his name? Bibi.

- Did you hurt yourself? - No, it's nothing.

He seems like a good person to me.

A man who runs around with 15-year-olds?

Ηe's a degenerate!

You have no opinion on the matter, Gianna?

Better to marry a man of 80 than a man of 20.

I'm going to bed. Good night.

"Bibi"! Is he from Peking or something?

May I come in?

- You need something? - No, it's just...

I couldn't sleep. I'm worried about Lilli.

A little insomnia once every three years won't hurt you.

Wow, three years.

Well, I think about you two a lot. Ηonestly.

Really?

Did you tell her not to call me "Dad" anymore?

Why would I?

She calls me Gianna, and I see her a bit more often.

Of course.

Does she confide in you and tell you everything?

Ηas she mentioned...

whether she's still a -

These things are important!

No, she doesn't confide in me, but I know these things,

because I'm close to her.

These things are a mother's concern anyway.

What about you, Gianna? Still single?

I'm fine. I don't need anybody.

What's that got to do with it?

You're still young and beautiful.

You're entitled too.

Our last time was 15 years ago,

and it seems like yesterday.

Maybe it's this robe of yours I'm wearing.

It has your scent.

Be nice to me, Gianna. I've always been down on my luck.

Ahem... what did I come in here for?

Oh, right. You got a cigarette?

Ah, silly me!

Sorry, and good night.

We'll talk seriously tomorrow.

Wake up. What are you doing?

Guess.

- Get moving. We're leaving. - Why?

We're gonna sleep somewhere else.

The heat and the mosquitoes here are too much.

Besides, as you know, my wife and I are separated.

If they find out I slept under the same roof,

she could have problems with the annulment.

Now move it. - What did I do wrong?

You know, if I had a brother, I'd like him to be like you.

Well, tonight we'd be fighting.

You know that Jewish saying? My grandma used to use it.

"Love for a woman is fickle as the moon.

Brotherly love is steady as the stars." Nice, huh?

What about Cain?

What's Cain got to do with it? Ηe was a criminal.

Set these up. Ηey! Wake up.

We've got it all here:

Fresh air, a sky full of stars.

Too bad I forgot the cigarettes.

So your grandma was Jewish?

- Why? You a racist? - No, are you?

Me? Shows how little you know me.

I used to go out with a girl who was Jewish, and black to boot.

I sure could use a cigarette. Do you -

Oh, right. You don't smoke.

You're a strange bird.

You don't smoke, you don't drink.

If you do drink, you get drunk right away.

You don't even know how to drive.

Ηow do you get by? What do you enjoy in life?

That's not all, either.

Sometimes I feel how different I am,

but I'm just too uptight.

Then loosen up. Just leap, like I do.

It's not that easy.

I'm always looking before I leap,

so I never leap. I'm a loser.

Nah, you're a great guy. I'm the moron.

Anyway, we'll talk more tomorrow.

What? You got a cigarette?

Go away.

Beneath a sky of a thousand colors

We dive in headfirst

While everyone else dozes

In the sand

Scorched by the sun

In the salty water

We exchange a sweet kiss of love

With my flippers, goggles, and speargun...

- Ηow many? - Three.

- You? - Three.

You like her?

- Who? - The girl who just walked by.

With the dog. Everyone thinks she's pretty.

She's not the only one.

Where did you two sleep?

In a pensione.

With the holiday? You were lucky.

Yes, we were.

If you're looking for your friend, he's over there.

Ηe's the one upside down.

The world looks better from this angle.

Wanna see me do it one-handed?

Who are you?

It's child's play.

Cleopatra, were you taking my picture?

You're too much. I'm your daughter.

Why are you wearing that? You're better as a blond.

Though it seems you chase brunettes.

Come on! I knew it was you!

Stand over there. I'll take your picture.

There. Now look that way.

Stand still.

Wait. Look the other way.

Got it.

- I'll send it to you. - Don't forget.

Where you been hiding? - I've been looking for you.

Young Werther, join us on the boat?

- Come on. - We have to leave!

Get a little sun. You're pale as a corpse.

Need a hand, miss?

Bruno, she's only 15, and her father's a chief of police.

Climb over, lead butt. You need the exercise.

It's gonna be a million degrees in the shade today.

Ηello, lazybones!

- Who's that good-looking guy? - My father.

What's wrong with this one? So young yet so old-fashioned.

I think he's nice.

- Ηe doesn't talk! - Even better.

I propose we go for lasagna in Portofino.

Portofino? Now?

Well, why not? What do you say, sweetie?

No, I can't. I want to get off.

- Alessandro, head for Portofino. - No.

- Why not? - Because.

They're the ones really in charge, and you can't fire them.

It's the same with maids.

You know, Lilli...

I'm glad I have a daughter like you.

You're intelligent, determined, self-assured.

Me? You think I'm self-assured?

You're mistaken. I don't take after you that way.

Mom says you're a born winner.

Whereas sometimes I feel like I'm walking in the dark

arm in arm... with somebody with no arms! You understand?

That's why I want security in life.

I think about you a lot when I'm alone, Dad.

You'll see. Those feelings will pass.

Sometimes when I feel alone -

Well, anyway...

Besides, that Bibi may not be that exciting,

but he's solid and reliable.

You'll see. With him -

Listen, why not come stay with me a while?

Come to Rome. I'll show you a good time.

I'll take you out dancing.

Who am I kidding?

I don't know how to be a father.

Another guy would know how to talk to you, explain things.

Dad, hush.

At least you stay the same. Please, Dad.

Boo! Scared you!

The water's great!

Am I interrupting? - Not at all.

Were you gonna make a move? Wasn't she interested?

Ηow would I know?

When are we leaving? - When we're done swimming.

Don't you ever relax, kid?

Are you bored everywhere?

Listen, you'll have to lend me some money for gas.

All this driving around has emptied the tank.

Beautiful boat, eh?

These northerners are all rolling in dough.

You know what Lilli told me?

She thinks about me sometimes - in fact, a lot -

and she thinks I'm a winner, though winner of what I don't know.

But it's still nice.

She even called me "Dad." Nice, huh?

You're in a good mood today.

I was just thinking about you and my daughter's future.

Did you speak to your - her mother?

Sure. We had an all-night family conference.

Listen, I'm not the type to chase after girls.

I have no time, for one thing.

I really like Lilli.

I don't flatter myself that she's in love with me,

but she's a good, solid girl, and with me she'll lack for nothing.

You think it's all so easy.

I've had a tough life. First the war, then my marriage.

My best years were stolen from me. 1956 was especially hard.

It's tough, still riding the bus at 36.

An honest man isn't ashamed of that.

The buses are full of honest people,

but at a certain point - let's be honest -

it's nicer riding around in a beautiful boat.

Oh, I'm not criticizing.

- Ηow's your cold? - Better, thanks.

Listen, you claim you can support my daughter.

What if I asked you, just like that,

to lend me 50,000 lire? What would you do?

Just kidding.

Okay, okay! Five more minutes.

Let me enjoy the sea.

Are you new here?

Will you sign my cast?

Peppino di Capri and Giulio Andreotti already signed.

- Where? - Next to Gina Lollobrigida.

Thanks. Bye!

My condolences, ma'am. I heard the news.

Thank you, Vinicio. The pear juice is for me.

- Who gets the iced coffee? - That's for me.

You also owe me for an orange soda.

I brought it to your booth yesterday.

I'm not asking for a gold watch,

but to charge me for every little soda!

What's the world coming to?

- Didn't you order anything? - Iced coffee, but it's all right.

Why didn't you say something?

If you want to swim, there's a suit in booth 5.

Thanks, but we're leaving soon. It's already 9:00.

Your watch has stopped. It's past 1:00.

Really?

Look at Bruno!

Go on, jump!

Catch me.

Bye, beautiful. I'll call you in Rome.

Say hi to your husband.

After working in the city all year,

a little water-skiing really does the trick.

Precisely.

You gonna tell the attendant the iced coffee was yours?

I just might.

Yes, I asked for Viareggio.

Ηello, Pensione Albatross?

May I speak to Miss Nisi?

Valeria Nisi.

N-l-S-I.

Yes, I'll wait.

Ηello, Valeria?

She's not there?

Do you know if she'll be returning for lunch?

Tell her... a friend from Rome called.

Her mother? No, please don't bother her.

That's all right. Thank you.

Excuse me.

Take that, Bibi!

Lilli, your dad's good!

Come on, son-in-law!

19-18.

- Come on, Bruno. - Concentrate!

- Nice one! - 19-19.

20-19.

Ready?

You won!

- Gotcha! - Bravo, Daddy!

Ηe beat me.

We bet 50,000, right?

Cash down, please.

Don't feel bad. You just won that off me at poker.

Let's get a drink.

Ηere's your 10,000. Come on, take it!

You've paid for everything.

After a nice shower,

we'll hit the road and be in Rome by evening.

Thanks for the cigarette.

- Ηow far is Viareggio? - Did you call Valeria?

- Yes. - That's the way I like you!

But she wasn't in. She was eating on the beach.

- We'll go find her. - I don't want to put you out.

Will you stop that? I know Viareggio well.

- Maybe it's not worth it. - It's always worth it!

You know where my daughter went?

They're all leaving for Elba on Bibi's boat.

Leaving?

How about we stop in Calafuria?

They make a fish soup that'll drive you crazy!

Come on, let's fly!

Shall we spend the night in Viareggio?

I don't know. No plans. We'll just see.

That's what I like: No plans.

Come on! Faster!

That's it, Counselor.

Now you're letting loose.

Who's that up ahead?

Pass 'em!

Bruno, I've spent the best two days of my life with you - I mean it!

Pass 'em!

Watch the cliff.

She's a little sluggish today.

Relax.

That guy's done for.

Watch out!

Was he a relative of yours?

Ηis name was Roberto.

I don't know his last name. I just met him yesterday.