Original subtitles

Previously, on Clean Slate...

I don't know anything about you other than the fact that

one day your daughter's going to be president.

Go on a date with me.

- Have you ever dated a trans woman? - Not yet.

About the whole date thing, forget I even mentioned it.

I have got to learn to drive.

Your instructor is in the car with you right now.

Still waiting for Louis to talk to me and we live together.

Grindr? It'll blow my cover.

Your cover isn't as covering as you think.

Seeing you in that hospital where mom died...

I don't want to think about losing you, too.

I need you, Dad.

So you and Opal are not riding with me on the Mardi Gras float?

Can't. Got a "Mom-di-Gras." Kids from her class and their mothers.

It's a PG version of the same debauchery.

- Sorry, Opal's got to let her hair down. - Oh.

Ooh. And where are you going?

Louis promised to show me the magic of Mobile. So, back by 9:00.

Oh, please. That's the old Mobile.

Now, we're talking 9:30. Maybe even 9:45.

Who needs New York?

- Daddy. - What...

I know it's been 23 years, but I still know that look.

- Can we borrow your convertible? - I knew it was something.

You know that's my pride and joy. Aside from you.

- It's my backup pride and joy. - But I passed my driving test.

Girl, this is Mardi Gras. You got drunkards out there,

you got criminals out there,

and people who click "reply all" for no damn reason.

Look, give them the car,

and I won't let you ride in that Rice Krispie treat alone.

It's a sponge.

Besides, I can add to my bead collection.

- Get them beads out of here. - Get away!

Now, I want you to promise me, no drinking, okay?

No drugs, no strangers, and no eating in my car.

I can't have you leaving stains in my seats

with your greasy fingerprints and whatnot.

We promise.

And you will check in with me every hour on the hour.

Dad, I'm not a teenager.

Need I remind you I haven't given you the keys yet?

You left them in the ignition.

Bye. Love you, mean it!

The magic of Mobile awaits.

Did you bring me here to kill me?

Betty's is the coolest gay bar in town.

Girl, it's Mardi Gras. Trust me.

It's gonna be off the chain.

♪ Where everything's still the same ♪

♪ This town has said what it has to say ♪

♪ Now I'm after that back highway ♪

I think they left it completely on the chain.

Lots of potential friends here.

Oh, Opal, look. Self-service candy bar.

Looks like all you can eat all day.

Are you crazy? Student council treasurer is here.

I need Juniper to approve funding for the Model UN.

You can't close that kind of deal in the middle of a sugar high!

Maybe focus less on closing deals and more about making friends.

Be kind and polite, and thank Lulu for hosting.

I'm not rude, but time is money and Lulu is not on the agenda.

- Opal, you made it! - Lulu.

- Funny running into you here. - But it's my house.

That was the joke.

Never mind.

- Hi, Daddy. - Hey.

- It's Mack. Right? - That's right.

Of course it's Mack. Like the truck.

That just... wham!

You're under the truck.

- It's a children's party, right? - Oh, is it?

Hey, you want to take a break from being fondled and come help me?

Yeah.

Whoo. They were steamrolling towards second base.

Cheryl looked like she was getting ready to steal third.

- Well, thanks for the rescue. - You're welcome.

I'm Rhonda, your host and general smart-ass.

I'm Mack and smart-asses are my favorite of the entire ass family.

- Oh! - Yeah.

Well, you make your ass useful.

You got it.

You can't text while driving a giant sponge.

You could run over a whole flock of majorettes mid-routine.

I'm trying to find Des.

She should have checked in three times by now.

Will you leave her be? She's a grown-ass woman.

- Whoo! This yours? - You wish.

Hi!

Anyone here catch your eye yet?

Yes, but not in a good way.

Even if I was looking for a man tonight, it wouldn't be in a gay bar.

"Please send a picture so I know you're not dead in a ditch somewhere.

From Harry, your father."

Please send that man a proof-of-life photo

before he puts us on a missing persons list.

Done.

Sorry this place is so... rustic.

That's not rustic. That's a health code violation.

This place, it's safe.

- Nobody knows me out here. - Do you ever want anyone to know you?

If there's one thing I've learned about intimacy issues...

Intimacy issues, shmintimacy issues.

James just texted me back.

- James, that hot-as-hell doctor? - Yes, from Grindr!

Oh! Oh...

He said he's in town for a Fluidity Ball.

Did y'all say Fluidity Ball? Betty's the name.

And jump-scaring people is your game.

Fluidity is the queer party of the year.

It's been sold out for weeks. I can get you in, though.

Louis, I need this.

We're going.

- People might recognize me. - Fluidity is a masquerade.

No one's going to lay eyes on your gorgeous little face.

And James will be there.

- Fine. - Yes! Who's driving?

You, girl, because I don't own a motor vehicle.

Kenny, you're covering the bar. Mama's going out.

He works here? Um...

He gonna wash his hands, right?

Who cares? Onward to the masquerade.

♪ Rollin' incognito, Rollin' incognito ♪

♪ Queen of my castle and I ain't ever comin' down ♪

What if James is a catfish? Or doesn't have any teeth?

He's a closed-mouth smiler, you know.

Toothless doctors are rare.

Look, once James arrives, I'll hover till you feel good about...

- He's here and he has teeth. - Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Help me. Hey, James.

Are your Spidey senses tingling?

Listen, this was the last mask they had.

Okay. Did Aunt May give you a curfew tonight?

Well, if she did, I just forgot all about it.

Hate to interrupt whatever

Comic-Con chemistry you two have going on here,

- but I need to see some ID. - Oh.

♪ Get up on your feet She's so problématique ♪

- One last thing for protection. - You mean condoms?

- It's a taser. - Girl, what?

If it's giving psycho, stun him.

Aim for the eyes and don't stop till there's blood on his shoes.

Now, you two lovebirds have fun now.

♪ She's so problématique, I know you like it ♪

Juniper!

I am so glad our paths were able to cross.

Have you taken a look at my Model UN proposal?

It's still under consideration.

Where are you sitting in the cafeteria these days?

- Sort of just floating for now. - Not anymore, you're not.

Friends of mine sit with the student council.

- Ever play "Who's got the baby?" - Duh. It's a Mardi Gras tradition.

Find the baby in five minutes and you can sit at our lunch table.

You're already at our lunch table. Try to keep up.

Of course. I was just kidding.

Who should we pick to look for the baby?

How about Lulu?

Great choice, Juniper. Visionary.

Thank you so much for helping me with these gift bags.

It's overwhelming.

Hell, I'm overwhelmed each day making Opal's lunch.

And then they don't even eat half of it.

Right! You're cutting crust, you're washing fruit,

you're warming up the thermos. Stuff takes time.

Oh, the worst.

The baby's gotta be in here somewhere.

Psst.

- You had the baby all along? - Shh.

Look where Desiree is, Ella.

Oh, this is hell on earth.

I know a hostage photo when I see one.

Hostage? That's just a sad excuse for a bar.

Stop trippin'!

No, this is my little baby girl. I got to protect her.

From what?

Yo. Have you been reading the news lately?

These streets are not safe for people like Des.

Well, you know what?

I still have Louis's friend's location from when we saw Boyz II Men,

in New Orleans.

Okay, okay. That's where they are.

In that shady warehouse district?

Slow down! I'm not dying in a Swiss cheese!

It's a sponge!

Let me guess.

You're going for the whole Meghan Markle thing, right?

Kind of. But thottier.

Come through Duchess of Sus-sexy.

I'm Taylor. This ho to my left is Natasha.

And that ho over there is White Natasha.

- I'm Desiree. - Hi!

Look at you girls living your best authentic lives.

This is not the Mobile I remember.

Who's blowing you up?

My dad. He won't stop checking in on me.

So annoying.

- Aw, I wish I had a dad who cares. - Taylor, you have two dads.

- And they drove us here. - Yeah, but we got drama.

They refused to buy me the new AirPods Max.

That's your major drama?

Let big sis give you some advice.

When it comes to New York City or Alabama,

you can't rely on your daddy or your sugar daddy.

Girls like us have to focus on the big things we want in life

and grab 'em for ourselves.

How much for that bottle?

3,500.

We'll have three shots from that plastic bottle with the easy grip

and a Shirley Temple for me.

I told my dad I wouldn't drink.

You told your dad? Aren't you, like, 60?

Oh, 60?

Screw it.

Make it a Dirty Shirley for me.

- Yes! - I'll show you 60.

I don't feel too good.

Last slice. The baby must be there.

Lulu, stop.

- They're pranking you. - What are you doing, Opal?

What I should have done from the start.

I thought you were cool, but you're a loser, just like Lulu.

I think I'm gonna...

What!

Let's get you cleaned up.

Sorry I puked on your friends.

Those power-hungry bullies are not my friends,

and I don't want them to be.

I'm sorry I was such a B-word.

It's okay. Everyone can be a butthole sometimes.

No, I meant...

You know what?

I was a butthole.

Can this butthole come over for a hang sometime?

Another round for Betty, Natasha, and White Natasha!

- ♪This is how we do it ♪ - Yes, girl. Remember this song?

Do I? I was the inspo, baby!

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

We don't listen to music from before we were born.

I did not hear that!

♪This is how we do it ♪

- Wait, who is Mack? - Just a guy.

- What's Mack's last name? - Do y'all bone?

If not, do you wish y'all boned?

Simmons, no, and...

Um...

Oh, that's the pause of death.

- You got it bad for that man. - I do not.

Betty, back me up on this.

No can do.

This is not how we do it.

Cheers.

You gonna keep me in suspense all night?

Shame you don't have perfect skin

and a glistening smile.

Oh, hush.

I have to admit, I was pretty surprised

when you said you'd meet me so last minute.

- Why? - Seriously?

I mean, look at you.

I bet every guy in town was lining up to take you out tonight.

Well, you're front of the line now.

Yes, I am.

Fireworks. Cliché.

But I like it.

I feel ridiculous.

They won't let us in unless we're wearing a mask.

Once we get in there and I find Desiree is alive and well,

then we can leave. How do I look?

Like a young Idris Elba.

- Really? - No!

You look like a Squishmallow ate your face.

Come on.

Sold out. No tickets, no entry.

Good sir, my daughter's been out of my life for two decades,

and now she may be in grave danger.

This might be the chance I'm finally her hero.

What if I told you you're looking at Lil' Miss Black Mobile 1967, huh?

Well, how many women of a certain age you got in there?

Don't want me telling Nextdoor

you're running an ageist establishment, would ya?

I'll show you my titties.

So that's how you got backstage at Earth, Wind & Fire all those years.

Mm-hmm. And the Commodores.

And Kool & The Gang. Mmm.

Anyway, put your tongue back in your mouth

and let's split up and find these kids. I'm gonna go this way.

- Okay. - Excuse me. Excuse me.

- Ooh, he's hot. - You in trouble, girl.

Why did you ignore this hot man's call?

She obviously loves him.

I do not love him.

I am flirty and ready to get dirty.

- Oh! - Okay.

Hey, babe. I'm here.

What were your other two wishes?

I think you're all three.

Just so you know, I'm trans.

Just so you know,

I'm Dave.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Sorry, Grandpa.

Grandpa?

Did you just call me Grandpa? Huh?

Well, maybe Grandpa needs to teach you a little respect.

Let's do it.

♪ Padam, padam, I hear it and I know ♪

♪ Padam, padam, I know you want to take me home ♪

♪ Padam, and get to know me close ♪

You go, Harry! Go, Harry!

Go, Harry! Go, Harry! Go, Harry!

Go, Harry! Go, Harry!

♪ Padam, padam, I know you want to take me home ♪

♪ Padam, and take off all my clothes ♪

♪ 'Cause I can hear your heart beating ♪

♪ Padam, padam, I hear it and I know ♪

♪ Padam, padam, I know you want to take me home ♪

♪ Padam, and get to know me close ♪

♪ Padam, padam, when your heart goes ♪

Desiree is getting mouth-mauled by some random man.

Good for her. Let's not butt in.

- Hands off my daughter! - Harry! Harry!

Desiree!

Dad, seriously, what are you doing?

Saving you from murderers and potentially mono.

- Oh, Harry, stop! - I like him and we are connecting.

Me and Doug, we're making a connection.

- It's Dave. - Shut up, Doug, Dave.

Look what we got! We grabbed it for ourselves!

- They stole the bottle. - You stole the bottle?

- She's with them, too. - I don't know these bitches.

Desiree, come on!

We have a robbery in progress.

- Desiree! - Come back here.

- Call the police! - Run, Desiree, run!

That's your friend, isn't it?

Desiree! Desiree! Desiree!

Hey, that was crazy!

I can't drive. I'm drunk.

Taylor can drive. She's in AA.

Hey! Wait! I'm not in there!

But my purse is!

Louis Alexander Dunbar.

- Where'd Desiree go? - Mom, Harry.

What the... brings you to beautiful downtown Mobile this evening?

Desiree was in that bar French kissing a bouncer.

Then she ran out with a gang of cut-throat liquor thieves.

Just when the DJ was playing the song of the night. It was just a blur!

- Honey, we need your help. - Okay, okay.

- Up higher. - I'm in.

- Okay, let's go. - Okay.

Well, Lulu finally stopped auditioning for The Exorcist.

I'm just glad the girls are getting along so well.

- And Opal's made a real friend. - Aw, so sweet.

- How about a slumber party? - Whoa.

Easy, tiger.

It's been nice and all, but I like to move slow.

Clever. How about we start with you

giving me your number?

Yes, ma'am.

You look so familiar.

Seriously, girl,

how did you get your eyelashes that long?

I swear I saw you in Central Park.

I miss my old life.

My friends, the gallery.

Even Gavin sometimes.

Do you ever miss New York?

Probably not.

Desiree!

Homegirl, did you befriend a horse?

Daddy.

Oh, thank God.

Oh! Oh, my goodness. What a mess.

I've never been so happy to see you.

Giddy up, cowgirl.

Your rodeo's over.

Where's my car?

It's gone, Daddy. It's gone!

You were right about me. I am a mess.

It's going to be okay. We just need to get you to bed.

How do I get in this thing?

- That's a good question. - Over there?

- No. - Back there.

Maybe if you just...

- Can you help her? - My pants are too tight.

Lemon lime or fierce strawberry?

Dealer's choice, hon. Just give me electrolytes.

Stat!

That's right. That's right, Officer.

It was a vintage fire-blue Barracuda. Yeah.

And it was stolen from me.

Hold up.

I got to call you back.

Why, you no good for nothing, carjacking fools.

Sir, it was an accident.

We saved our numbers to your contacts!

- Run, Natasha, run! - Wait, Natasha!

Wait, Natasha, don't use my name!

And there better not be no dang French fries stuck in my car.

So God help me.

Y'all slow down so I can catch ya.

So...

About that text you sent me.

What text?

- Would you like me to delete this? - Yes, please. Thank you.

Deleted. Best Hardi Gras ever.

On the next Clean Slate...

You want me to break in Watergate-style?

Last time you intervened, you committed multiple felonies.

Can anyone tell me what it means to be a Christian?

Me, me, me, me!

Surprise!

I haven't done this in a while.

- I can tell. - Easy.

Can we talk?