Original subtitles

- I'm throwing your mama a surprise birthday party.

- What do you want us to do? - Just make it happen.

- Let me tell you about waiting--

- She a real deal, yo. - --and being abstinent.

- Make sure there's lots of flowers.

Don't forget to pick up the cake.

And she loves choirs.

It's gonna be a beautiful anniversary party.

- Birthday. - Yeah. Yes.

- There is something so special about waiting for the man

that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with.

- Ah! - Get out of here!

You are not to see that boy again.

- I will, Dad, this is crazy.

- You need to calm down. - I need--no, I need my ax.

- ♪

- [whispers] What are you doing?

Boy! - Hey, what's up?

What's up? - What are you doing here?

- I just wanted to see you. - You know my parents

are home, right?

- Hey, they upstairs, I ain't worried about that.

- You should be worried about that.

My daddy got an ax.

- Daddy got a whole bunch of axes.

- Boy, listen to me, you can not just be popping up here.

- But I wanted to see you.

I miss you. - I miss you, too.

- And I love you.

- Yeah, thank you, I love you too.

- Well, that's why I wanted to see you.

- Listen, you're about to get me in serious trouble,

okay? So you need to-- you need to--you need to--

- Baby, we are grown.

- [laughs]

Okay, alright, that's hilarious.

Please, do not let my dad hear you talking like that.

- Is he still tripping about me seeing you?

- Yes.

- KALEB: Man, that's crazy.

- Sorry, there's nothing I can do.

- Well, when am I gonna see you again?

- I don't know, probably at school.

- At school? That's days away.

- Kaleb, you need to-- you need to go, bro.

- O--o--okay, but can I just ask you a question?

- You've been standing here asking me a lot of questions.

- Why don't you never wanna come to my house?

- I can't do that. [laughs]

- Why not? Come on, we'd be alone.

We can watch some movies.

- Yeah, no, no, no.

- Why not?

- 'Cause you ain't gonna be just trying to sit

and chill and just watch movies.

- What you mean? - Don't stand here

acting like you don't know you.

- I don't, why don't you just tell me?

- No, you--you be wanting to kiss and...

- What's wrong with kissing?

- That--kissing leads to...you know.

- Oooh. - Yeah.

- That thing you scared of.

- Hey, I'm not scared.

- You're a little scared.

- No, I'm a respectful.

I respect myself. There's a difference.

And I wanna wait.

- I mean, baby, I love you,

and you love me, so what are we waiting for?

- We're waiting for me to be ready.

- Uh, alright.

You ready?

- [laughs] - [scoffs]

- I don't know, let me ask myself.

Self? Huh? You ready?

No. Okay. I ain't ready.

So you need to go now.

- Hey, look, I'm-- alright, I'mma go.

I'mma go. - Okay, good.

- But--but I'm just saying, we love each other,

kinda feel like maybe we should show each other.

- We do, you just said, "I love you."

I love you, too. - No, no, no, no.

I'm talking about, like, going,like, all the way.

I'm saying all the way.

- Didn't I just tell you my daddy had an ax?

Look, I gotta go.

Huh? Huh? Ma'am?

Yes, ma'am.

- I ain't here nothing. - I gotta go.

It's--I gotta go, my mama calling me. I'm coming, Mama!

I'm coming, I ain't gonna keep you waiting.

- I don't hear nothing. - You need to leave.

Go, go. Boy, leave me alone.

- Okay, dang.

- [sighs]

Mama, I'm coming!

I'm coming, Mama!

- ♪

♪

♪♪

- ♪

- Ella, you switch my belt?

It doggone shrunk.

- Hey, Pops. - Hey.

- CALVIN: You wanted to see me?

- Yeah. - What's up?

- Yeah, um, I'm taking your mama to, uh--

to a dinner for her birthday.

- You told us to plan the party.

- I know. I changed my mind.

- Why?

- Mmm, I thought this--I thought this'd be more better,

more intimate.

- You saw the bill.

- That thing high as hell.

- Pops, it's $900.

- Nine hundred--it's high as hell.

'Cause I know it adds--please.

- Isn't it worth it for mama?

- I don't love your mama like that.

- Pops.

- I--I barely love you.

- Are you kidding?

- Matter of fact, there's nobody I love $900 worth.

- You're the worst. - Thank you, I try.

- I'm gonna make sure we remember that for your birthday.

- Oh, please, y'all ain't never got me nothing anyway.

- Pops, we got you a watch last year.

- Uh, that ain't real.

- Pops, it is.

- Well, why my arm green?

- You need to bathe.

- You the worst.

- Look, Pops, what do you want?

Why am I here?

- Listen, your mom and I are driving down

to Savannah for, uh-- for the dinner.

- Does she know that? - Yeah.

She'll know when I tell her.

- Pops, Mama don't like going nowhere with you.

- Uh, yes, she does.

- No, she don't.

- Yes, she do. - CALVIN: No, she don't.

You don't drive well, you fall asleep,

and you eat at the wheel.

- What's wrong with that?

Look, your mama gonna be fine.

- Okay.

Well, where's your will?

- What are you talking about?

- Oh, I wanna know what I'm getting.

- You ain't in it.

- Really? That's low.

- That's the truth.

- See, why did you ask me to come over here?

- Okay, look, I need you to wait for a package for me.

They ain't coming 'til after 5:00

and we'll be gone by then.

- What? Well, what is it? - It's a surprise for your mama.

- What? - Yeah.

I got it.

It's coming from Paris.

- [laughing] Wait.

- What? What?

- I know you ain't ordered nothing from Paris, France.

- Paris, Texas.

- Pops. - What?

Hey, it's nice. She gonna love it.

- Okay, well, why can't they leave it at the door?

- But it's too expensive.

Look, will you just stay, son, do what I ask you to do, please?

- Pops! - CURTIS: Son!

I just need you to wait here.

After all I've done for you.

Many years.

Just in school--22 years in school, tuition,

and books you didn't read.

And tuition.

Paying your teachers off to get your grades okay.

Sleeping with the teacher-- one of 'em. The cute one.

- You done, Pops? - Yes.

And stop eating my watermelon.

See, even more I'm doing for you.

- Pops! - Sssh.

- What? Wait, she don't know you taking her

to Savannah? - It's a surprise.

No, I'm kidding, yeah, she know we're going somewhere.

- Then how is it a surprise?

- Will you let me handle this, okay?

I know how to handle these broads, okay?

I've been tricking broads since before you was born.

I'm a broad tricker.

Trickalicious is what they called me.

I've been doing it to your mama since before we got married.

And she still don't know she being tricked.

And you better not say nothing.

- I don't know why she stays with you.

- 'Cause I'm a catch.

- 'Cause she's been tricked.

Oh, yeah, you were catching something.

- ELLA: Curtis!

- Ssh, don't do-- - ELLA: Curtis?

- Hey, babe. - Hey, Mama.

Happy Birthday. - Thank you.

Hey, baby, what you doing here?

- Oh, Pops, asked me to wai-- [groans]

- I love him so much, that's why he here.

I needed to see him. - Pops,

you're squeezing me too tight.

You're bruising my ribs.

- Curtis! - That's so you shut

the hell up. - Okay. Okay.

- Alright, alright, okay, okay.

Come on, Curtis, can we go?

- Mama, where you going? - Calvin.

- I just asked.

- I don't know.

I don't know. - Looking all good.

- [laughs] - CALVIN: All dressed up.

- Oh, me? - Yeah, you.

[laughs]

- Your daddy wants to surprise me for my birthday.

- Oh, that's--that's so-- that's--that's nice.

That's nice. - I know. I know. I know.

Come on, Curtis, let's go.

Pray for me.

- Baby, God don't know him.

- Really, Pops?

- Yeah, every time you call him to call and ask him things,

the ID say "caller unknown."

- Curtis!

- Here.

- What is this?

- For your stomach.

- I don't--I don't need this.

- It's for the ride.

- No, it's a short ride.

- No, no, no.

Enjoy.

- Thank you.

Come on, Curtis.

- [groans]

- Love you.

- ELLA AND CURTIS: Love you.

- I love you too, Mom.

- Get the door. - See ya, Ma.

Happy Birthday.

- Thank you.

- That's your husband.

- Curtis!

Curtis!

You better open that car door.

- ♪

- You two for none.

- ♪

- Man, just sitting here-- - [phone ringing]

- Hello?

Hey, what's up?

What's going on, man? How you doing?

Say what?

Wait, today?

Uh, man, you gotta be kidding me.

- Hey, what's good, Cousin Calvin?

- Hey. - JASMINE: How you doing?

- Miss the game. I'm on the phone.

- Rude.

- Wait, are you sure it's today?

- I just came to bring Auntie Ella's dishes back

from Sunday, don't mind me.

- Man, I can't believe I'm gonna miss the game, brah.

Ooh, wait. Maybe I won't.

I got an idea. Hey, no, I'll be there. I'll be there.

Yeah, cool.

Jasmine.

Hey. How are you? - Huh-uh, no, no, no.

Don't even try to be nice to me now.

- What'd I do?

- You didn't see how rude you just were to me

like 5.6 seconds ago?

- My bad, I'm sorry.

You know I love you. I love you.

Charge it to my head, not my heart.

- Mm-hmm. - I love you.

- Yeah, I love you, too.

Your body, your head, and your heart.

- Wait, wait, wait, where you going?

- I'm going home. - No, stay.

- Why would I stay here?

This place smell like Uncle Curtis.

- Because I need to go.

- Okay, well, that's why a brilliant man invented locks.

Just lock the door behind-- - CALVIN: No, no, no, no.

You don't--you don't-- you don't understand.

- What is it?

- See, I need you stay because my pops wants me to wait

for a package, but I need to go meet Pooky and Peanut.

- You got to be kidding me.

- What?

- They're still using them names?

- Yeah.

- Cousin Calvin, ain't y'all like 40 now?

Who heard of a 40-year-old Pooky and Peanut?

- Jasmine? - Uh-huh?

I'm just saying, y'all need to grow up.

- Look, come on, Jasmine,

Pops said it'll be here in a little bit.

Can you please stay and wait for it?

- What is it? What is--what is the package?

- I don't know, something he said he brought from Paris.

- I know Uncle Curtis-- the one I know didn't buy

nothing from Paris, France.

He don't even know what Paris, France is.

- He said Paris, Texas. - Okay.

Well, in that case, it's probably cheap.

- I know, right? - Cool.

So whatever is, it's-- - No, no, Pops told me to stay.

- Since when you start listening to what he say?

- Come on, Jasmine. - Cousin Calvin,

he told you to stay. That's the keyword: you.

"Calvin" don't sound nothing like "Jasmine."

- Come on, Cuz.

- You know what? I will do this because I really love you.

I think you're amazing.

How much you paying?

- Really?

Okay, I'll give you two bucks.

- [laughs] Nah.

What I look like, five?

My appetite bigger than that.

- Alright, ten.

- Oh.

Listen, if you want me to consider staying,

I'm gonna need at least...

three...hundred.

- I'll give you $15.

- Deal.

- Cool.

- Uh-uh, uh-uh. Hold it right there.

Where you think you're going?

- Well, I'm gonna pay you when I get back.

- What you think this is?

You know that's not how this works, brother.

- Jasmine?

- Give me my money.

- Okay, here. - Thank you.

- Be breezy. - Yeah, alright.

Tell Pooky and Peanut I said, "What's up?"

- ♪

- [sighs]

Dial up.

Rotary phones.

This is ridiculous.

- [knocking at door]

- Finally. Hey, we've been waiting for the package.

Come on in.

- What's up, baby? - [gasps]

What--what the what? What--

- I saw you walk across the street.

- You know this is very close to stalking, right?

- Uh, baby, come on, you know me better than that.

It's The Dark.

- But you--you watching me walk across the street though.

- That do sound--that do sound--

- It sound stalker-ish, yeah. - Alright, it's not like that.

I just--I knew your aunt, she wasn't here, so I decided to--

- Wait, wait. That sound like stalking, too.

How did you know my aunt wasn't here?

- She told my dad that she wasn't going to church tonight.

Something about like her birthday and her husband had

a surprise for her or something, I don't know.

- Okay. So that's a recon stalking, okay.

- Baby, come on, you know it's me.

You want me to leave, I'll go.

- Mm-hmm.

- You serious?

- What do you want, Kaleb?

- So...

- So what?

- We're here? - Yes, here we are.

- In the living room.

And they not here.

- [sighs] Kaleb.

- What's up? You know I love you, girl.

- What are you doing?

- Baby, you know I love you, girl.

- [sighs] I love you, too.

- Well, I think, you know, we should...

take things all the way.

- All the way to where?

- I--I don't know, me, you, anything, together,

come on now, all the way. - [sighs] Look.

Kaleb, hmm-mm.

- Look, baby, nobody is here.

- Yeah, I know. I know that.

- And they not gonna be back 'til late.

- And how do you know that?

- Because your Uncle Curtis is cheap.

- Uh, okay, I'm confused.

What--what that got to do with anything?

- It's like this.

Whatever he doing, probably don't cost no money.

So, he gonna be there for a minute.

- That don't make no sense.

- No, it do, because you got them long lines,

because don't nobody gotta pay.

Everybody there trying to do the same thing.

Look, if he was paying for it,

it wouldn't take so long.

- Well, he--I mean, he is cheap, I get that part.

- Right, right, exactly. He hella cheap.

[laughs] Come on, let's go.

- No, wait, go where? Where are you going?

- To--to the bedroom, right? The bedroom right here, right?

- You...you 'bout to take me to my aunt and uncle's bedroom?

- What? - Come on, man.

You need-- - Which bedroom is it?

- No, no, huh-uh. - I don't care which bedroom

you wanna go to. - You need to go.

You--Kaleb, come here.

Listen closely, open your ears.

I am not ready.

- I--I think you are.

- How you gonna tell me what I am?

- Baby, I thought you loved me.

- I do.

- Well, if you loved me, you would.

- Uh...

- Look, baby, come on, just--it's cool.

- Oh, my--

Hey!

What you doing? - Damn.

- What's--what's wrong?

What you looking for?

- I forgot my keys.

- Oh, I'm sorry, your-- the keys to your car or--

- No, no, I got those. I need the ones to my house,

I gotta change. - Oh, yeah. Got you.

- Come on and help.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah, you right.

Uh. - You know what?

I think they may be in the kitchen.

- Nah, nah, I don't think they in there.

- Well, how do you know?

- I just feel like they would be...

in this area.

- Okay, well, how do you know?

- Nu--um, yeah, I'm a woman, we can--we got like

a sixth sense when it come to this stuff.

- Jasmine, you're a little girl.

- Okay, I'm sorry, you're right.

Dang, nothing about me that's womanly.

- Right. - Yeah.

- Did the package come yet? - Nope.

Must be stuck in Paris.

- Uh. Hmm.

Man, they gotta be in the kitchen.

- No.

I mean, for real, what would keys be doing in a kitchen?

- Yeah, that's where I think they at.

- Uh...

okay, well, um, I guess--

I guess we're coming in the kitchen then.

Keys, we're coming!

Key's we're coming. - Who are you talking to?

- The--I'm talking to the-- to the stove.

- ♪

- Okay, yeah, I talk to it a lot.

Um...

Okay, look at that, they're not in here, so--

- Wait a minute, here it is.

- Oh, great, okay, cool.

- Uh, Jasmine? - Yes, Cousin Calvin?

- What's going on?

- What you mean? We're trying to find your keys.

We're doing this together.

- I mean, what's going on?

- I--I--why so deep?

- Jasmine, don't play with me right now.

- Listen, you on your way to a football game,

you were so happy.

I'm thinking about you.

- Oh, you--you want me to leave right now?

- Dude, that game will be good.

- Who's playing?

- The good people.

You should go.

- Okay.

But wait. - Yes?

- You wanna tell me who that boy is behind the counter?

- Huh?

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪