Original subtitles

Ta-da!

[gasps] Mommy, I love it!

I love it!

I love it! - Listen, listen.

Hey, hey.

Hey, focus.

Are you looking at me?

Let me tell your father in my own--

Daddy, Daddy, I got a new phone.

[inaudible]

[door closes]

Really?

I remember saying that a certain someone was not

ready for a certain something.

But a certain someone got a really good deal

on a certain something.

Is a certain someone trying to tell me a certain something?

Jazmine, why do you need a phone?

[scoffs] Are you kidding?

All sorts of reasons.

Let's see-- texting, playing games,

taking pictures of cute boys.

[laughs] I'm talking myself out of my new phone, aren't I?

Listen, baby, it's fine.

It's fine.

I upgraded our plan.

It came with a free phone.

You're getting one too.

What's wrong with mine?

Dad, are you kidding?

Half your keys are missing.

You can't even text LOL.

You can only text O.

Look, she's maturing.

She's more responsible.

Look!

She's-- [inaudible]

[click]

Mommy, look at the size of this one.

OK, later.

She's hanging with her friends more.

[door closes]

[rustling]

Uh, Unc?

Hey.

Sup?

Can we help you?

Uh, no.

I just came over to pick up some butter for your, uh, your aunt.

She's doing a big turkey dinner tomorrow night.

OK, so you needed butter.

Why didn't you just go to the store?

Because your house is closer.

OK, do you have any nutmeg and a turkey?

[phone dinging]

My friends like you, Uncle Curtis.

Katie said, OMG he's hilarious.

See? Look.

What you got in there? What you got?

What you got?

- [laughs] - Hey get this close-up.

Get this close-up.

Get-- oh, OK.

See.

Let them know where we get.

It's Curtis T-Pain coming to you.

Ya heard me? [SINGING] Jiggle, jiggle.

Jiggle, jingle, jingle.

Jingle, jangle.

Get that camera out of your uncle's face, OK?

[phone dinging]

Oh.

Oh, Dad.

Katie says she thinks you're cool.

Tell her I said, [SINGING] Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.

Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.

Oh, stop.

[tires screeching]

[siren]

Go back.

Your father needs you.

It's just so unfair.

[phone dinging]

[laughs] LOL.

This is so hilarious.

[laughs]

Jazmine, what is so funny?

Oh, the movie.

There Is nothing funny about that.

Is there, Janine?

No.

It's just such a cold, cruel world.

[cries] Ah.

Oh, OK.

Oh.

OK.

All right.

Jazzy, have you been texting through the whole movie?

[scoffs] Dad, of course not, no--

just when it started until now.

Now, see, I knew that phone was going to be a distraction.

You know what the problem is, Janine?

Yes.

Yes.

He should have never gone that deep in the ocean.

Ha!

But you know so much, don't you?

You're daddy tried to tell you-- to tell

you, just stay away from there.

Why you gotta go wandering?

No you've got sharks.

Sea turtle can't get you home, huh?

Don't have no bus pass in the ocean.

OK, you gone.

You gone, right.

You're going to have to come on back in, right?

We've got to reel you in.

If you just listen--

We need you to come back.

Your daughter's over here texting her life away

during family time.

[laughs].

Oh.

What time is it?

Alexandria will be here any minute.

I gotta go. - Wait.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Since when did you just start announcing that you

was gonna leave the house?

Baby, it's-- it's-- it's fine.

It's just Alexandria from the soccer team.

She, Jazzy, and her older sister,

they're going to get some ice cream.

Mm-hmm.

Well, when was somebody going to tell me?

We sent you a text.

When?

At precisely 12:52 PM.

Well, I didn't get it.

OK, let's see.

So I sent the text three hours to go.

And you're phone is still using the 1G network.

Then, it should be here right about now.

Ho, wait a minute.

G2G BFF house.

Well, this is gibberish.

Dad, it says, got to go to best friend's house.

It's called text speak.

It's called crazy.

Now, when did people just start making up words to communicate?

The Bush administration, Dad, the Bush administration.

OK, now I got to go.

I got to go to Alexandria's house.

Bye-bye, guys! - Whoa.

Whoa. [door closes]

She's 13.

You got her running the streets?

Baby, calm down.

She's growing up.

Alexandria's sister is very mature, very responsible.

She's 13.

She's very-- you're worried about the wrong thing.

Where are you going?

Someone didn't look at my text or the picture I sent.

[footsteps]

I saw it.

I love it.

I love it.

I absolutely love it.

Really, Curtis?

Yeah.

What the hell is it?

Curtis, it's an electronic tablet.

CJ brought that for you.

And he bought me this new laptop.

Yes!

I'd rather have the money.

Curtis, this is a great gift, technology.

Technology can enhance your life.

Baby--

Uh-uh.

I don't need that--

This TV, baby, you're wasting away.

Here.

Baby, I don't need technology.

All I need is this paper.

Your tablet, Curtis, can download newspapers

from all over the world.

OK.

OK, well how about Kansas City?

You can even watch web cams in some BBQ joints in Kansas City.

What?

Shut your mouth.

Yes, you can.

No, I mean really.

Be quiet.

The game's about to come on.

Curtis, listen.

You will not watch another game until you

try to at least use the tablet.

If I hate this thing, will you leave me alone?

All you've gotta do is try, baby.

OK.

All right.

[mumbles] What button you push?

What the button?

Push On.

[music playing]

TABLET: Welcome to the word of Kashuki.

I am X4-2012.

Please, type your name.

Look at that.

Type your name.

Ha, OK.

What do I put right here?

P-A-Y-N-E.

TABLET: What would you like to do, Curtis Payne?

Uh, is she talking to me?

Curtis Payne.

OK, I want a newspaper from Kansas City.

TABLET: No need to yell.

Downloading now.

[laughs] Look at that.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Is it the wrong newspaper, baby?

No, no, no.

But my cousin Sporney got arrested again.

Well, this is so cool.

OK.

I want scores of the game.

Oh, scores of the game.

TABLET: Downloading now.

Let me see that.

[inaudible] What are you doing?

Get your hands off.

I just want to use the tablet for one minute.

But she didn't call your name, baby.

She didn't say your name.

She said my name.

Oh, OK.

Well, I'm so glad you like it.

Yeah, me too.

I'm glad you made me try this.

This thing is kind of cool.

And you know what?

You know what you're gonna get because of this.

What?

I got something real good for you.

Curtis, don't start talking crazy.

Uh-uh. It's going on.

It does not know that.

I [gibberish]

Curtis.

TABLET: Downloading now.

What'd she download?

She download dadadada.

Curtis.

[music playing]

Shookey!

They should've been here hours ago.

She's still not answering her phone, babe.

I don't-- I don't--

[door opens]

Jazmine!

Where have you been?

Do you know what time it is?

We thought we lost you.

Aw.

I love you too so much.

Jazmine, hey, come here.

Off. - What's wrong?

Why are you late?

Why didn't you answer your phone?

Oh, I didn't hear it go off.

Alexandria's sister's car ran out of gas.

Well, why didn't you call and tell us?

Well, I sent a text.

Your father's phone is slower than carrier pigeons.

You know that.

Mom, I sent it to you too.

And I sent my GPS coordinates so you would know where

I was every second I was gone.

- No, you didn't. - Yes, i did, mommy.

No, you didn't.

My phone is-- dead.

My phone is dead.

My bad.

But regardless, this wouldn't have happened if you had just

called and talked to someone.

[scoffs] Dad, come on.

This is the 21st century.

Talking went out with flip phones and corduroy pants.

Yeah, well talking just came back in style.

Dad, please don't take my phone.

OMG! - OMG?

Well, I just took it.

MHMR.

What does that even mean?

My house, my rules.

And I like my corduroy pants, thank you very much.

Ugh.

Curtis, do you know what you did?

Just watched the highlights from every damn play

of the day.

Is that crazy?

Did the turkey get smoked?

Oh, yeah.

That wide receiver flew past that fucker

for a 90-yard touchdown.

Curtis, I'm talking about the turkey

you were supposed to smoke.

Now dinner is ruined for tomorrow.

Thank you very much.

Now I have to order something.

No, baby.

Baby, I got you.

You need to check your email. Bam.

[beep]

You trying to play games?

Don't say nothing, Shookey.

Don't say nothing.

Check your email.

Check it.

OK.

[gobbling]

[ding]

Cajun smoked turkey ready for pick-up today?

[laughs] Shookey ordered it for you.

What is [inaudible]?

Oh, baby, and oh, check this out.

We also found some gourmet soul food recipes for you.

Oh, Curtis I don't need an recipes, baby.

You need to enhance your life, baby.

[beep]

Bam.

Go check your email.

Ooh.

Hit it again.

OK.

Alright.

Collard greens souffle, sweet potato

puree, red velvet creme brulee.

Whoo, this sound goodee.

Welcome to the 21st century.

Ooh, Curtis, I can make this tomorrow.

CURTIS: [laughs]

- Yes. - Hey.

Hey, baby.

Hey, do me one more favor.

Grab me and Shookey a beer.

ELLA: Baby, check your email.

Oh, OK.

All right.

Check it.

I ain't ever checked it.

[beep]

Get it yourself.

Mm.

That smells good.

Thank you.

You know, it's been a while since we had a good Sunday

dinner at Aunt Ella's house.

Yeah I know.

Too bad Calvin and Miranda won't be there.

No, it's not.

That's more leftovers for us.

Remember?

We got four kids.

So wrong, baby.

Put this in the fridge for me.

[footsteps]

[sighs] Jazzy, what's wrong.

[sighs] OMG.

IDK.

Great more text speaking.

She said, "Oh my goodness, I don't know."

Phone gone.

BFF lost.

Where am I?

Oh my goodness.

CJ, baby, I think she's suffering from notextingitis.

Notextingitis?

Shh [inaudible]

Oh, no.

I've heard about this.

The symptoms are dizziness, nausea,

and involuntary thumb spasms.

Jazmine, if you're in there, please give us a sign.

I need my phone.

It's calling me.

Oh my goodness, what are we going to do?

- I don't know. - [whimpers]

I've got it.

What?

We're gonna get this phone down to the store

soon as possible, so she can go cold turkey.

OK, OK, hold on.

Let's not get crazy, Daddy.

A miraculous recovery.

You know, there was a time when there was no texting.

And no cell phones.

I know.

I know.

You guys used to churn your own butter,

ride your horse and buggies at church,

and washed your clothes on a rock.

I watch the History Channel, people.

Oh, you want to there?

OK, here we go, I've got something to show you.

[door closes]

Do you know what this is.

Of course I know what that is.

It's a stool.

I use it when I can't reach the top shelf.

It's a phone book.

You see this?

These are people that you call.

And when you call them, people actually talk.

OK, I don't know any of these people.

And who has time to put all these numbers in a cell phone?

Missing the point.

The reason you are in trouble is because you were not talking.

Oh, OK.

OK.

Learn my lesson.

How about I'll reduce my data usage

by 200 megabytes per month?

200 megabytes?

Mm-hmm.

200 megabytes?

Is that a lot?

No.

250.

225.

Deal.

[laughs] - Gotcha.

Haha.

Why you acting like you won?

Why you acting like you did?

Because I did.

You really believe that, don't you?

I didn't win?

Inject caramelized sugar with syringe.

Am I making a dessert or drugs?

[laughs] Yeah.

Oh, hey, Aunt Ella.

[laughs] Hey, Malik.

It was a mistake.

Obviously, the 911 operator knew it was a popular song

and hung up when the caller kept chanting,

"The roof is on fire."

Sure.

I will take the call.

I'll do the conference. Yes.

Miss Ella, I have to take this conference chat.

CJ's on his way, OK?

Mm-hmm.

Miranda plea, yup.

Hm?

No.

No, this is Janine.

If you can just hold on a moment, I just--

I've got to find better reception.

OK? All right.

Yes. No.

I'm ready.

OK, putting you on now.

Let's do this.

Sup, Unc?

How do like that tablet?

No, no, no.

Interception?

Not the man with the concussion.

Oh, yes.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Again. Touchdown!

Ugh!

I knew that cheat would pay off.

I knew it. Told you.

What's the score?

Oh, Falcons and Titans.

Yeah, I'm just gonna put these beers in the fridge.

All right, thanks, Calvin.

Ooh!

Hey, Aunt Ella.

How you like your new laptop?

Hey, Floyd.

Curtis, can you email me that link again?

Sent it.

Oh.

Ha, got it.

[laughs]

Go!

Handled it.

OK.

I'll email it now.

OK.

Bye-bye.

Are you doing?

I'm so good.

[laughs] Hope

Oh, that don't make no sense.

JAZMINE: [laughs]

Baby.

Baby, what's Stacy's email?

Wasn't even open.

- I can't believe you. - Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Crazy.

Three eggs.

I got four eggs.

I got four eggs.

Hand it over.

What?

What did I do?

You knew you were not supposed to be texting

during family time, and you're at the table--

double whammy, boo.

You too.

Give up the phone.

What are you doing?

Bake until moist.

And then, the icing will--

CJ, what-- CJ, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

Don't you put your hands on Shookey.

- Give it up, Unc. - No.

Why? - Give it up.

Why?

Because you are a grown man who named an electronic device

after a retired go-go dancer.

Shookey retired?

Now watch this.

Aunt Ella, how are things at the help center?

Fine.

Oh, did I tell you about the missionary grant?

It went through.

Hallelujah.

Thank you for asking.

Jazzy, tell your uncle how you scored the goal.

You scored a goal?

She did. She scored.

She hit the ball with her head.

Ah, you've gotten so good.

These things are supposed to make our lives better.

Instead, they're making us disappear

from each other's life.

You the one that bought them.

Unc, you used to throw the football to me.

Yeah, you never caught it.

I caught the football.

No.

I caught the football.

[inaudible]

Yeah.

Now look, we didn't need to see every single football

highlight.

I just want my kids to have what you guys gave me.

I want them to play in the yard.

I want them to tell me what happened at school.

I want my wife to tell me how her day went.

I don't want to hear about it and read it in an email.

Listen.

You hear the sound of that?

We did.

That is the sound of a family communicating.

I heard something.

It's my stomach growling.

Time for Sunday family dinner.

Yes.

Thank you.

CJ, thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

We can always count on you to bring us back in focus.

CURTIS: Yes, ma'am. - Whooee.

ELLA: You getting plates? - Yeah.

ELLA: Thank you. CURTIS: This is so good.

It's a good thing.

[rustling]

Aunt Ella, I cannot wait for this dessert.

It's not ready yet. It's not ready.

[phone ringing] It's not ready yet.

Who's ringing?

All right.

I gotta get that. - No you don't.

- CJ. - CJ.

CJ.

You are not.

Bring me back my Shookey.

OK, so you got you new phone.

But we have to go over this again.

I like this phone.

You ready?

Yup.

And sent.

[dinging]

BFF best friends forever.

Good.

OK, now, what does this one mean?

[dinging]

ILMDAD.

I never seen that one before.

I just made it up.

It means, l love my daddy.

Aw.

I love too, baby.

[laughs]

[theme music]