Original subtitles

Baby, I thought you said you were gonna do the dishes.

I am.

OK, listen.

If you do the dishes, then I'll do the floors.

I'll do the floors.

You said you were gonna do that yesterday.

And now I'm saying it today.

I'll do it.

I don't know what the rush.

I'm not going anywhere.

And that's the problem, baby.

Maybe you need to go somewhere.

Come on.

Hey, how about we go see one of those movies you like.

You know, the ones where everything blows

up before the opening credits?

Let me think about it.

Baby, why don't we go take a stroll through the mall?

And suffer in pain while we look at stuff we can't afford?

No, thank you.

We could always go to the park.

You know, the kids love that.

And then you could push Calvin Jr. on the swing.

No.

I'm sorry.

I'm not feeling that right now.

Baby, I am trying to get you up and out of this house

and off of the couch.

I've been out of the house.

Going to the car to get your earbuds does not count.

The doctor said that you are free to go back to work.

Yeah, well, I'm not feeling that right now.

Well, maybe if you went, you would be.

We'll see.

Calvin, come on.

We'll see!

OK, so baby, you want some tacos for lunch?

Yeah, that sounds good.

Doesn't it?

Well, how about this?

When you go out to get them, give me some too.

And while you're at it, get yourself a big old bag of "get

yo ass up off the couch."

[theme music]

Baby, come look at this. Come look at this.

Come here. Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.

What is it?

What is it? - Look right there.

Look right there. - What is it, baby?

That's my squash.

Curtis, that is a worm.

Ain't no worm.

Hey.

Hello, Curtis.

It must be worm season.

You know what?

You're looking at the new Floyd, baby.

No, I'm not.

I mean, you should have been able to tell by my man

glow and everything, brother.

I have found the one. - Again?

Please. - Curtis, don't do that.

Don't do that.

All right, Floyd.

Tell us about this new lady.

Regina, Regina, Regina.

Regina?

Oh yeah.

I mean, she is the perfect one.

Oh my goodness, Floyd.

You say that all the time.

Hell, you said that about Claretha.

I know, and I went to counseling for that.

But you know what?

Regina is fun.

I mean, she likes sports, horror movies.

Hey, and can fix anything.

Uh-oh.

You know what that means, baby.

What, baby?

That means she looks like she's

been hit in the face with a big bag of buffalo knuckle.

Blam!

Wrong, wrong.

This woman is fine.

You understand me?

And a hell of a kisser.

And those lips, just as soft as cotton candy.

And that--

That's enough, that's enough, that's enough.

No, seriously, she likes me.

She really does.

As a matter of fact, I'm gonna bring her over here later

for y'all to meet her, OK?

No, the hell you ain't.

Hey, look here, look here, look here.

I don't want you getting played, son?

OK?

Them gold-diggers are vicious, man.

All they want is your honey and your money.

Makes sense.

Curtis, what do you know about what a gold-digger wants?

Right.

[interposing voices]

Oh, you get baptized one time!

You know what I mean?

She didn't even keep no prawns to prance around her.

She's a brass-digger.

I ain't got no gold. - That was close.

I ain't got no gold.

Yeah, I know, 'cause you used to have

a gold tooth before you met us.

Well, yeah, that's where it went.

[knocking on door]

Coming.

CJ, I'm so glad that you're here.

Yeah, yeah, I got your text saying it was urgent.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I couldn't talk.

It's Calvin.

I don't know what I'm gonna do with him.

He's still down?

Yes, he is completely unmotivated.

He sits here on the couch all day long.

The doctor said he could go back to work,

but he's not doing anything.

OK, OK, I'll talk to him.

Thank you.

All right.

Hey, Cal.

Come on, man.

Don't sleep the whole day away.

CALVIN: What?

Get up!

How you doing, CJ?

No, how you doing?

I'm all right.

Yeah?

I mean, from looking at my watch,

it looks like the day started eight hours ago.

How come you're not dressed?

No need to.

Seriously, are you OK?

Yeah.

I mean, why does everybody keep asking me that.

Miranda's worried about you, man.

She says you're just laying around the house all day.

I'm relaxing.

Relax after work.

What?

Come on, man.

Don't you want to get back to work?

You know, you want to get to work, take care of your family.

Of course I do, but I don't know.

I'm tired, man. My legs--

Hey, listen, man.

I know things are tight, so I've actually decided

to advance you a week's salary.

Oh, CJ, I don't know what to say.

Look, I'll-- I'll pay you back.

I know you will.

This is not a gift.

This is a loan.

Thanks, cuz.

OK.

Hey, listen, man, I'm gonna be out in the field

practically all day tomorrow.

I can start by and pick you up, and we can ride in together.

Nah, man.

Nah, I'll be there.

- You're sure? - Yeah.

All right.

Hey, CJ, thanks for the gift.

[doorbell rings]

Hey, baby.

ELLA: Curtis. - Ella, come here, baby.

Yes, baby.

Oh good, since you out here, get the door, baby.

Probably Floyd and his floozy.

Hello.

- Hello. - Hey.

Come in, please.

Have a seat.

Hello.

Look, we can't stay long, but, Ella, Curtis, this is Regina,

my chocolate angel.

I'm the devil in disguise.

Well, I'm pleased to meet you.

And I like your place.

It's cozy.

Thank you.

Oh, that is a lovely scarf.

Thanks, I love scarves.

I believe they cloak a woman in a cloud of mystery.

Anyway, Floyd bought this one.

Well, listen, can I get you guys some refreshments?

No, but you can direct them to your restroom.

It's right back here, down this corridor, to your left.

Thank you.

All right, baby.

Don't stay too long.

I'll be right back, boo-boo.

Hope everything come out all right.

Beer goes right through her.

Nice, ain't she?

I like her.

Well, I'll tell you what, anybody

that enjoys a cold brewski can't be all bad.

She look familiar, though.

Baby, she look familiar to you?

Curtis, no, she just looks like a woman

who needs to use the restroom.

So where did you guys meet?

She's a massage therapist.

I was having these problems with my back,

and she worked out a miracle with those hands.

And we've been inseparable ever since.

Hey, I'm surprised she didn't get carpal tunnel,

rubbing on your ashes.

Hey, look, she enjoys working out on me, all right?

And she is sweeter than pecan pie.

Oh, well, that is very nice.

She seems very nice.

Very nice.

Floyd, baby, we gotta get going.

You right, baby.

You right.

Hey, Regina.

Curtis.

Look it, I can't let this go.

This thing is bothering Me.

So have you ever been to Revolutionary Episcopal Baptist

Church Built on a Solid Rock?

No.

And neither have you.

OK, It was nice meeting you.

Oh, Curtis, I did notice a slow drip on the faucet,

so I tightened it up.

I hope you don't mind.

Oh, OK.

With what?

Bruh, she got some strong hands.

Told you boy, this is a bad lady.

Well, you all will have to promise to come to my place

sometime.

And we will surely do that.

Please.

Please.

Double date.

Thank you for coming by.

- You got it. - Come on, baby.

You're more than welcome to come back anytime.

Love to. Bye-bye.

Curtis.

CURTIS: I knew it!

Where are you?

That's so rude.

Why did you run out?

I knew it!

You knew it what?

Baby, the toilet seat was up.

Well, did you put it down?

I didn't leave it up.

I told you she looked familiar.

Now I remember.

Regina used to be a firefighter.

What does that have to do with the toilet seat being up.

Come on, baby.

Stay with me.

Stop that.

Stay with me, baby.

Stop tapping my temple.

Baby, she left the toilet seat up because Regina is a man!

You cannot-- that was not a man.

Was that a man?

So how has Calvin been adjusting to being home?

Well, it's definitely been an adjustment period.

You know, it's taken a little motivation to get him back up

and working. - Well, these things take time.

At least he's gone back to work.

That's a good start.

I cannot wait till everything gets back to normal.

Yeah, you two have been through a lot.

You don't even know the half.

OK, wait a minute.

Wait, wait, wait.

What's been going on?

Well, I have tried everything-- the good,

the bad, the ugly wife.

I just don't think Calvin understands how hard

this is on me and the kids.

Well, you know, sometimes when you're caught

up in your own pain, it's hard to see anyone else's.

Yeah.

You know I know a bit about that.

Yes?

- You're definitely right. - Thank you.

- Calvin got up this morning. - Uh-huh.

He showered.

He put some clothes on.

He even put on some cologne.

Smell good?

I so happy that CJ came by the house

and got him motivated to go back to work.

See?

He just needed to feel like he had purpose.

Oh, speaking of which, I need to make some dinner tonight.

Oh, you making something special?

Yeah, you know I told Calvin I was

gonna do a little something something special for him

tonight.

Wait, please, the man just started working.

Please don't hurt him.

Just little bit?

OK, a bit.

OK, OK, OK.

It's gonna be me, a teddy, and some tequila!

That's a lot!

Hey, baby.

Hey, baby.

Where's Calvin?

He's not at work?

Calvin didn't show up for work today.

What?

What do you mean, he's not at work?

I hope he's OK.

No, no, no, no, no.

Don't want it.

What's that, junk mail?

No, bills.

You know what?

I-- I cannot believe that he is over here.

How could he play me like that?

- What is wrong with you? - What's going on?

Are you serious?

You owe me an explanation.

Why you show up at work?

Y'all need to calm down.

Don't you tell me to calm down right here.

This ain't about nobody calming down.

We cannot all talk at once.

OK, can someone please tell me what's going on?

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

Calvin didn't show up for work today.

I didn't think that was today.

You know I told you today!

I show up to work, and what?

No Calvin.

You got up this morning!

You got dressed, and then you left!

So?

Yesterday you was complaining about me laying around.

OK, so where have you been all this time?

I came here to lay around.

OK, all right, and time out.

I think everybody is overreacting.

No, Aunt Ella.

He blew me off.

CJ.

CJ, it's just a big misunderstanding.

OK, listen, baby, maybe he thought you meant tomorrow.

No, I don't believe that.

I told him today.

He knows it was today.

CJ, come on, man.

I would never diss you like that.

I'm sorry.

Look, I'm gonna need you to report

to work first thing in the morning, tomorrow morning.

And if you pull another stunt, don't bother showing up.

OK, OK, I'll be there.

I'm serious.

CJ.

Look, Aunt Ella, I know what he said to me.

I don't know what he told you.

He's lying.

Come on.

Curtis Payne, this had better be good.

I know that.

It is good.

What?

You remember when I told you Regina looked familiar?

OK.

Now I remember why.

Why?

'Cause Regina was a firefighter.

And?

Floyd, her name was Reggie!

Reggie-nuh is a man!

[laughter]

You is crazy, boy.

Now, come on, man.

I thought you were serious. - Man, I am serious.

Come on.

Put it all together, Floyd. - What?

She running around here fixing the faucets.

She got strong hands.

She got strong hands, Floyd.

Well, yeah?

And she always got that scarf on, hiding the apple,

hiding the apple.

Bruh, I need more proof than that now.

Come on.

OK, when she get here, we're gonna do the man test.

- Man test. - There it is.

There it is.

We do the man test.

Now, we can do it as soon as you tell me, what's the man test.

The man test.

We look and see if she does anything like a man.

OK, fine.

- Fine? - Man test.

There it is.

OK.

ELLA: Behave, Curtis.

You behave yourself!

Here he comes.

Yeah.

[doorbell rings]

Here we go, here we go.

Hi, Curtis.

Hey, Reggie-nuh.

Hey, baby.

I just got your message to meet you here.

I was on the phone, changing my electrolysis appointment.

Bzz, bzz.

You know, I am so hungry.

When we leave here, can we grab a bite?

I don't even care what it is, as long as it's soaked in ketchup.

She said it.

She said "ketchup."

Yes.

- You heard that. - I did.

Well, you know what that means, Floyd.

Yeah, but I want you to explain it.

Well, you see, we got this crazy game

we play here in the house.

Whenever somebody say "ketchup--"

Ketchup.

Then the other person calls an activity.

Activity.

And then the other person that said "ketchup" gotta catch up.

There is is.

OK, I love games.

OK, so the game today is push-ups.

Push-ups.

And you get to go first.

Oh, all right. OK.

Come on.

They hard now.

Show us what you got, bruh-- baby.

Oh.

Come on, Curtis. You can't do that.

OK, wait a minute. I gotta catch my breath.

I'm tired.

You did that real quick, boy.

You did that--

All right, your turn.

OK, let me get down and do it.

Oh, charlie horse!

Charlie horse!

I can rub that out for you.

Don't you put your hands on it.

Charlie horse!

You won.

oh, man, I give.

Right, wow.

You got that upper body strength,

like Floyd Mayweather.

The boxer?

Yeah.

OK, now he's good, but I'm more

of a heavyweights kind of girl.

OK.

You know that division ain't been as exciting

since Mike Tyson retired.

Oh, but to me, Muhammad Ali is the greatest of all time, boy!

Here, I can rub that out.

Don't you put your hands on me.

No, I'm good.

I'm good, baby.

Thank you, bruh-- baby.

Morning, baby.

Hey, sleepyhead.

You hit the snooze button about four times this morning.

Do we have any hash browns?

Mhm, but you--

excuse me, excuse me--

don't have time for hash browns.

CJ is gonna be here any minute.

Why are you rushing me?

No, no, no, no.

Why are you procrastinating? Come on.

What you call "procrastinating" I

call "eggs and hash browns."

All I'm saying, baby, is that you do not need to be late,

and you have to go to work today.

Who said anything about being late?

Well, you don't act like someone who's happy go to work.

I said I'm going.

Look, are-- are you trying to get rid of me?

No, I'm trying to get rid of our debt.

[knocking on door]

There's CJ.

Get the door, unless that's too much work for you.

What's up, cousin?

You ready to hit it?

Hey, CJ--

I--

What's the problem?

I-- I gotta go get my jacket.

Well, I'll just be waiting for you in the car.

All right.

Oh, guys, look who's here.

Hey, Floyd.

I got the message we need to talk.

What's going on?

Baby, you need to tell me truth.

I mean, bruh-- baby.

Tell him.

About?

Why you always like to wear scarves all the time?

Yeah, why?

Why, huh?

Because--

And tell me this.

Why, when I went to the bathroom the other day,

you had left the toilet seat up!

What?

I didn't even use your bathroom.

I just washed my hands.

So if it was left up, someone else must have done it.

Your turn.

Oh, OK.

All right, this is the game we playing?

Then I just have to pull out the big guns.

Curtis.

Baby, please.

When I was fire chief, I went to a station 52,

and there I met a firefighter.

And his name was--

Reggie.

Ah-hah!

So explain that, then.

Reggie is my twin brother.

Say what?

Gotcha!

"Gotcha" is right.

So you are a woman.

Oh my goodness.

What is this?

How dare you ask me a question like that.

You know what?

Lose my number, jackass.

No, it was Curtis' idea.

I'll crochet you a new scarf.

Hey.

Hey.

So how was your day?

It was all right.

I got to see everybody.

Oh, I was hoping to go out tonight, but you look whooped.

I am.

Let's go out.

Let's do it.

Really, baby?

Yeah.

OK, I'm gonna go check on the boys.

All right.

[theme music]