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1
00:00:07,034 --> 00:00:09,206
Almost made it!
2
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:12,310
Almost made it without
one of them fools
3
00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:13,413
jumping in the casket!
4
00:00:16,793 --> 00:00:18,620
Oh, daddy!
5
00:00:18,724 --> 00:00:20,965
Daddy, why you didn't
leave us nothing!
6
00:00:21,068 --> 00:00:22,413
Oh, daddy.
7
00:00:22,517 --> 00:00:25,379
Well, since you didn't leave
us nothing, I'm going with you!
8
00:00:25,482 --> 00:00:26,344
Daddy!
9
00:00:26,448 --> 00:00:27,344
Move over!
10
00:00:27,448 --> 00:00:29,793
Take me with you!
11
00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:31,931
Daddy got to go because
that's the only way daddy
12
00:00:32,034 --> 00:00:35,068
could get some peace and quiet!
13
00:00:35,172 --> 00:00:36,965
Oh, I'm going with you, daddy!
14
00:00:37,068 --> 00:00:38,206
I'm coming, too, daddy!
15
00:00:38,310 --> 00:00:39,620
I'm coming with you, daddy!
16
00:00:39,724 --> 00:00:40,586
Oh!
17
00:00:40,689 --> 00:00:42,793
Daddy, are you there?
18
00:00:42,896 --> 00:00:44,137
Are you there?
- All right.
19
00:00:44,241 --> 00:00:44,862
All right.
Uh, uh.
20
00:00:44,965 --> 00:00:45,827
Uh, uh.
21
00:00:45,931 --> 00:00:48,310
If you two don't
get off my couch--
22
00:00:48,413 --> 00:00:51,965
I think daddy got smashed.
23
00:00:52,068 --> 00:00:53,655
Oh, can you believe
they had the nerve
24
00:00:53,758 --> 00:00:55,965
to sing, "Going Up Yonder"?
25
00:00:56,068 --> 00:00:59,379
Please, I've been knowing Henry
ever since he was a wild cadet,
26
00:00:59,482 --> 00:01:00,827
running around crazy.
27
00:01:00,931 --> 00:01:03,206
Trust me, he's
going down yonder.
28
00:01:03,310 --> 00:01:04,172
Curtis!
29
00:01:04,275 --> 00:01:05,620
No, no, no, no, no, no.
30
00:01:05,724 --> 00:01:08,172
Stop disrespecting the deceased.
31
00:01:08,275 --> 00:01:10,862
OK, baby.
32
00:01:10,965 --> 00:01:13,689
Henry was a kind
and gentle soul.
33
00:01:13,793 --> 00:01:16,172
He was the salt of the Earth.
34
00:01:16,275 --> 00:01:17,275
Never be another like him.
35
00:01:17,379 --> 00:01:18,103
Thank God.
36
00:01:18,206 --> 00:01:20,724
There it is.
37
00:01:20,827 --> 00:01:21,517
It's a shame.
38
00:01:21,620 --> 00:01:22,586
He was only 42 years old.
39
00:01:22,689 --> 00:01:23,758
Yeah.
40
00:01:23,862 --> 00:01:25,689
Well, I kept telling
them, either the whiskey
41
00:01:25,793 --> 00:01:27,310
was going to take him
out or them doggone
42
00:01:27,413 --> 00:01:28,862
strip clubs we used to go.
43
00:01:28,965 --> 00:01:30,137
Curtis?
44
00:01:30,241 --> 00:01:32,827
Curtis, you need to be
ashamed of yourself, really.
45
00:01:32,931 --> 00:01:33,620
Ashamed?
46
00:01:33,724 --> 00:01:34,793
Why?
47
00:01:34,896 --> 00:01:37,931
Henry was a nice man
with a very nice family.
48
00:01:38,034 --> 00:01:40,758
And I'm sure that is why
they put him in the very
49
00:01:40,862 --> 00:01:44,241
nice, purple velvet.
50
00:01:44,344 --> 00:01:45,103
[coughing]
51
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:45,931
You got to stop!
52
00:01:46,034 --> 00:01:48,655
You going to make me choke!
53
00:01:48,758 --> 00:01:50,103
Did you see that thing?
54
00:01:50,206 --> 00:01:51,068
What was that?
55
00:01:51,172 --> 00:01:52,655
I wasn't going to say nothing.
56
00:01:52,758 --> 00:01:54,931
Had that man looking like
a chocolate Willy Wonka!
57
00:01:57,275 --> 00:02:00,172
See, that's exactly why C.J.
and I got our will together
58
00:02:00,275 --> 00:02:01,827
as soon as the twins were born.
59
00:02:01,931 --> 00:02:03,068
Oh, you two got a will?
60
00:02:03,172 --> 00:02:03,965
Yes.
61
00:02:04,068 --> 00:02:05,310
What am I getting?
62
00:02:05,413 --> 00:02:08,068
You get everything.
63
00:02:08,172 --> 00:02:09,068
What?
64
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:10,000
Go on.
65
00:02:10,103 --> 00:02:11,379
I'm talking to my nephew.
Go on.
66
00:02:11,482 --> 00:02:12,275
Curtis?
67
00:02:12,379 --> 00:02:15,034
Go on.
68
00:02:15,137 --> 00:02:16,344
So you said everything.
69
00:02:16,448 --> 00:02:18,344
You mean like the deluxe,
super chair that you bought?
70
00:02:18,448 --> 00:02:19,448
Yeah.
71
00:02:19,551 --> 00:02:20,655
And the man cave furniture?
72
00:02:20,758 --> 00:02:22,000
All the new stuff you just got?
73
00:02:22,103 --> 00:02:25,344
All yours, in the untimely
event that you outlive us,
74
00:02:25,448 --> 00:02:28,965
Calvin and Miranda, my
parents, my second cousin,
75
00:02:29,068 --> 00:02:31,448
the lady that does my nails.
76
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:36,413
But you do get sole
custody of our kids.
77
00:02:36,517 --> 00:02:37,931
That's right.
78
00:02:38,034 --> 00:02:39,034
Bump that.
79
00:02:39,137 --> 00:02:40,137
I don't want the damn kids.
80
00:02:40,241 --> 00:02:40,965
Do I get the chair?
81
00:02:41,068 --> 00:02:41,862
Curtis!
82
00:02:41,965 --> 00:02:42,965
- Do I get the chair?
- Right.
83
00:02:43,068 --> 00:02:43,758
The chair.
84
00:02:43,862 --> 00:02:45,103
Curtis Payne!
85
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:46,379
What?
86
00:02:46,482 --> 00:02:49,172
Baby, listen, we need to
make plans to do our will.
87
00:02:49,275 --> 00:02:51,689
And I think it would just
be a good idea if we just
88
00:02:51,793 --> 00:02:54,413
start doing some research now.
89
00:02:54,517 --> 00:02:55,689
You see what you did?
90
00:02:55,793 --> 00:02:56,620
Yes, baby?
91
00:02:56,724 --> 00:02:58,172
Look, baby, research for what?
92
00:02:58,275 --> 00:02:59,034
We don't need no will.
93
00:02:59,137 --> 00:02:59,931
We don't need a will.
94
00:03:00,034 --> 00:03:02,482
We ain't giving nobody nothing.
95
00:03:02,586 --> 00:03:03,793
That's not right, Curtis.
96
00:03:03,896 --> 00:03:05,551
You need to make plans
for your family, baby,
97
00:03:05,655 --> 00:03:08,827
and leave us with some type
of legacy of your life.
98
00:03:08,931 --> 00:03:10,000
That's right.
99
00:03:10,103 --> 00:03:11,517
You don't want anybody
jumping in your casket
100
00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:14,137
when we're at the funeral.
101
00:03:14,241 --> 00:03:18,517
Not going to happen
because I'm getting cremated.
102
00:03:18,620 --> 00:03:19,517
Why?
103
00:03:19,620 --> 00:03:21,413
Do you really
want to know why?
104
00:03:21,517 --> 00:03:22,206
[IN UNISON] Why?
105
00:03:22,310 --> 00:03:23,413
Yeah.
106
00:03:23,517 --> 00:03:27,241
I like that better,
when you all said, why?
107
00:03:27,344 --> 00:03:31,793
Because I want all of my loving
family and all of my friends
108
00:03:31,896 --> 00:03:37,896
that I've ever had in
life to kiss my ashes!
109
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,344
Woo!
110
00:03:39,448 --> 00:03:42,137
[theme music]
111
00:03:45,172 --> 00:03:47,413
Curtis, I am serious, OK?
112
00:03:47,517 --> 00:03:50,344
What am I going to do
if you're not here?
113
00:03:50,448 --> 00:03:52,275
Become a nun.
114
00:03:52,379 --> 00:03:55,172
Don't give nobody
none, don't think none.
115
00:03:55,275 --> 00:03:58,517
What if-- what if
something tragic happens?
116
00:03:58,620 --> 00:04:00,206
Would you want a DNR?
117
00:04:00,310 --> 00:04:01,517
That's it.
118
00:04:01,620 --> 00:04:02,827
No, I don't want a DNR.
119
00:04:02,931 --> 00:04:04,551
I tell you what I do
want, though, baby--
120
00:04:04,655 --> 00:04:06,344
could you give me a DVR?
121
00:04:06,448 --> 00:04:07,344
Yeah.
122
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:08,689
That way, I could
record the game
123
00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:11,103
and turn it back on
when you stop yapping.
124
00:04:11,206 --> 00:04:12,068
Because right now, I'm like--
125
00:04:12,172 --> 00:04:14,034
I missed it and it's like done.
126
00:04:14,137 --> 00:04:16,034
And I'm like-- I'm not
going to see the end.
127
00:04:16,137 --> 00:04:18,103
I got to go get the
score from somebody else
128
00:04:18,206 --> 00:04:20,551
because I ain't got a DVR.
129
00:04:20,655 --> 00:04:22,206
See, Curtis!
130
00:04:22,310 --> 00:04:23,862
See, Curtis, I knew--
131
00:04:23,965 --> 00:04:24,931
I knew this.
132
00:04:25,034 --> 00:04:27,344
I'm going to go move
it to the kitchen.
133
00:04:27,448 --> 00:04:29,275
See, Curtis, I--
134
00:04:29,379 --> 00:04:30,655
[groaning]
135
00:04:30,758 --> 00:04:31,931
I knew you were not going to
take this seriously, baby.
136
00:04:32,034 --> 00:04:34,655
So here's what I decided for us.
137
00:04:34,758 --> 00:04:36,137
Come on, sit down.
138
00:04:36,241 --> 00:04:37,862
I'm going to see from here.
139
00:04:37,965 --> 00:04:39,586
Fine, baby.
140
00:04:39,689 --> 00:04:41,068
OK.
141
00:04:41,172 --> 00:04:44,448
We are going to have matching,
mahogany, silk-lined caskets.
142
00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:46,241
Baby, you know silk
makes my skin itch.
143
00:04:46,344 --> 00:04:47,448
You know that.
144
00:04:47,551 --> 00:04:49,000
Adjoining plots.
145
00:04:49,103 --> 00:04:50,448
I need my own space.
146
00:04:50,551 --> 00:04:52,586
And marble tombstones.
147
00:04:52,689 --> 00:04:54,241
Baby, granite is cheaper.
148
00:04:54,344 --> 00:04:55,965
Granite is cheaper than marble.
149
00:04:56,068 --> 00:04:59,620
And, Curtis, we should
have a family mausoleum.
150
00:04:59,724 --> 00:05:00,758
Mausoleums?
151
00:05:00,862 --> 00:05:01,862
Yes.
152
00:05:01,965 --> 00:05:03,413
I was understanding
we were Christians.
153
00:05:03,517 --> 00:05:04,482
Curtis!
154
00:05:04,586 --> 00:05:06,137
Look, baby, I'm
not being silly, OK?
155
00:05:06,241 --> 00:05:07,137
Come on!
156
00:05:07,241 --> 00:05:07,931
Throw me in the oven!
157
00:05:08,034 --> 00:05:10,586
Turn it on high.
158
00:05:10,689 --> 00:05:12,379
Burn, baby, burn!
159
00:05:12,482 --> 00:05:17,310
And then spread my ashes in
front of the fire house, OK?
160
00:05:17,413 --> 00:05:20,413
You know what I'm
going to do with you?
161
00:05:20,517 --> 00:05:21,931
Coffee can.
162
00:05:22,034 --> 00:05:23,517
I'm going to sit
you on the stove,
163
00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:24,448
next to the bacon grease.
164
00:05:24,551 --> 00:05:25,413
Curtis!
165
00:05:25,517 --> 00:05:26,586
Might even blow
it a little bit,
166
00:05:26,689 --> 00:05:28,413
just to get you all in
the air a little bit.
167
00:05:28,517 --> 00:05:32,206
Curtis, I want a week and
a proper burial with all
168
00:05:32,310 --> 00:05:33,758
of my family and friends there.
169
00:05:33,862 --> 00:05:35,827
And all of our
earthly possessions,
170
00:05:35,931 --> 00:05:38,965
which God has given us,
are going to the church.
171
00:05:39,068 --> 00:05:39,758
What?
172
00:05:39,862 --> 00:05:40,896
Going to the church.
173
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,586
Oh, hell no.
174
00:05:42,689 --> 00:05:45,034
What do you mean?
175
00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:47,448
Maybe I need to make my list.
176
00:05:47,551 --> 00:05:48,620
Huh?
177
00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:49,620
Maybe I need to do that.
178
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:50,793
Make your own list, Curtis.
179
00:05:50,896 --> 00:05:51,586
I will.
180
00:05:51,689 --> 00:05:52,586
Can I do it?
181
00:05:52,689 --> 00:05:53,551
You all over my
shoulder, I can't
182
00:05:53,655 --> 00:05:54,620
even look at the screen good.
183
00:05:58,310 --> 00:06:05,827
I, Curtis Payne, leave
you, Ella Payne, nothing.
184
00:06:05,931 --> 00:06:07,931
Send.
185
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,620
Who did you send it to?
186
00:06:09,724 --> 00:06:12,517
The great cremator in
the sky-- that's who.
187
00:06:14,206 --> 00:06:15,896
You hungry, man?
188
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,482
Daddy's hungry.
189
00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:19,275
Whoa!
190
00:06:23,068 --> 00:06:25,724
Oh, there are my two men.
191
00:06:25,827 --> 00:06:27,034
How was your walk?
192
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:28,482
Miranda, I thought
you would be scrubbing
193
00:06:28,586 --> 00:06:30,655
the floor with a toothbrush.
194
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:31,689
No.
195
00:06:31,793 --> 00:06:33,517
I don't care if this
place is a mess.
196
00:06:33,620 --> 00:06:37,551
If my mom sees a germ and
freaks out, I'm OK with it.
197
00:06:37,655 --> 00:06:39,379
I see you're not overdoing it.
198
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,793
You know what?
199
00:06:40,896 --> 00:06:43,344
I realize that my mother likes
things done a certain way,
200
00:06:43,448 --> 00:06:47,344
but if she doesn't
like this, so what?
201
00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:49,620
My house, my rules.
202
00:06:49,724 --> 00:06:51,517
You mean, our house, our--
203
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:52,689
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
204
00:06:52,793 --> 00:06:56,965
Our house, my rules.
205
00:06:57,068 --> 00:06:58,655
I'm scared of you.
206
00:06:58,758 --> 00:06:59,586
Mm, hm.
207
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,172
Oh, look.
208
00:07:04,275 --> 00:07:05,551
Your mom just pulled up.
- What?
209
00:07:05,655 --> 00:07:06,413
What?
What?
210
00:07:06,517 --> 00:07:07,206
What?
My mom is here?
211
00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:08,862
OK.
Wait, wait, wait.
212
00:07:08,965 --> 00:07:09,827
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
213
00:07:09,931 --> 00:07:11,793
Why didn't I clean
up this place?
214
00:07:11,896 --> 00:07:12,931
I don't know what
I'm going to do!
215
00:07:13,034 --> 00:07:15,551
I don't have enough
time to-- to-- to clean!
216
00:07:15,655 --> 00:07:19,310
Miranda, you're an amazing
mother and a great wife.
217
00:07:19,413 --> 00:07:21,586
We think you're
perfect, don't we?
218
00:07:21,689 --> 00:07:22,758
Yes, we do.
219
00:07:22,862 --> 00:07:23,931
Yeah.
220
00:07:24,034 --> 00:07:25,413
You'll be fine.
221
00:07:25,517 --> 00:07:26,655
OK.
222
00:07:26,758 --> 00:07:28,103
It is what it is.
223
00:07:28,206 --> 00:07:29,793
[knocking]
224
00:07:29,896 --> 00:07:30,689
Who is that?
225
00:07:30,793 --> 00:07:32,724
Who do you think that is?
226
00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:35,586
That's your mean,
little grandma.
227
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:38,862
Christian, look who it is!
228
00:07:38,965 --> 00:07:40,758
There's my grand baby!
229
00:07:40,862 --> 00:07:41,655
Hi!
230
00:07:41,758 --> 00:07:43,275
Yes, I got a smile!
231
00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,344
Yes!
232
00:07:44,448 --> 00:07:46,758
You look exactly like Miranda--
233
00:07:46,862 --> 00:07:48,310
thank you, Jesus.
234
00:07:48,413 --> 00:07:49,551
Oh, yeah!
235
00:07:49,655 --> 00:07:51,172
Hello, Mrs. Lucas.
236
00:07:51,275 --> 00:07:52,413
Calvin.
237
00:07:52,517 --> 00:07:54,586
Now why does your daddy
care you like a football?
238
00:07:54,689 --> 00:07:55,793
Yes, he does.
239
00:07:55,896 --> 00:07:56,655
Yes, he does.
240
00:07:56,758 --> 00:07:58,068
He likes the way I carry him.
241
00:07:58,172 --> 00:08:00,034
Honey, you need
to cradle the baby.
242
00:08:00,137 --> 00:08:02,482
He needs to feel the
warmth of your body
243
00:08:02,586 --> 00:08:04,034
and the rhythm of your heart.
244
00:08:04,137 --> 00:08:04,896
Yes.
245
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,896
Too bad you don't have one.
246
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:07,724
Go get my bags.
247
00:08:07,827 --> 00:08:10,103
Point proven.
248
00:08:10,206 --> 00:08:11,655
Mrs. Lucas, come in.
249
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:15,034
Sorry the place is so--
250
00:08:15,137 --> 00:08:16,482
clean.
251
00:08:16,586 --> 00:08:17,931
Hello, mother.
252
00:08:18,034 --> 00:08:19,379
Hello!
253
00:08:19,482 --> 00:08:21,034
Hey, baby.
254
00:08:21,137 --> 00:08:21,827
Come!
255
00:08:21,931 --> 00:08:22,689
Sit, sit!
256
00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:23,551
Yes, indeed.
257
00:08:23,655 --> 00:08:26,241
Look at this precious boy!
258
00:08:26,344 --> 00:08:30,275
Oh, the two of you
look so adorable.
259
00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:31,206
Hey, hello!
260
00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:32,551
It's your grandma!
261
00:08:32,655 --> 00:08:33,724
Oh, no, no.
262
00:08:33,827 --> 00:08:35,034
Honey, I'm too young
to be called grandma.
263
00:08:35,137 --> 00:08:37,172
Just call me Mrs. Lucas.
264
00:08:37,275 --> 00:08:39,172
This is going
to be a long trip.
265
00:08:39,275 --> 00:08:39,965
[baby crying]
266
00:08:40,068 --> 00:08:41,275
Um-- how do you--
267
00:08:41,379 --> 00:08:44,413
Get the bags.
268
00:08:44,517 --> 00:08:45,241
Yes.
269
00:08:45,344 --> 00:08:47,862
Mrs. Lucas.
270
00:08:47,965 --> 00:08:50,103
Yes, Mrs. Lucas, I love you!
271
00:08:50,206 --> 00:08:51,586
Yes, Mrs. Lucas!
272
00:08:51,689 --> 00:08:52,517
- Hey.
- Hey.
273
00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:53,310
Hey.
274
00:08:53,413 --> 00:08:54,724
Hey.
275
00:08:54,827 --> 00:08:56,551
This is all so sad--
276
00:08:56,655 --> 00:08:57,862
wills and death.
277
00:08:57,965 --> 00:08:59,344
I can't believe we're
here, doing this.
278
00:08:59,448 --> 00:09:01,344
I know, right?
279
00:09:01,448 --> 00:09:03,034
Especially since I know
Miss Ella would really
280
00:09:03,137 --> 00:09:04,827
want me to have her good China.
281
00:09:04,931 --> 00:09:06,241
No.
282
00:09:06,344 --> 00:09:08,517
She would really want me to
have this TV, right here, too.
283
00:09:08,620 --> 00:09:09,379
What?
284
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,172
Back up, C.J. That's my TV.
285
00:09:11,275 --> 00:09:12,482
No, I-- I call the TV.
286
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:13,862
- No, I'm getting it.
- I call dibs on the TV.
287
00:09:13,965 --> 00:09:15,448
Stop fussing about the TV.
Get something else.
288
00:09:15,551 --> 00:09:17,000
- Unplug it.
- You can't get the TV.
289
00:09:17,103 --> 00:09:17,827
Hey!
290
00:09:17,931 --> 00:09:18,620
I said I wanted it.
291
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,034
That--
292
00:09:20,137 --> 00:09:21,448
- What are you all doing?
- Nothing.
293
00:09:21,551 --> 00:09:22,448
No.
Uh--
294
00:09:22,551 --> 00:09:23,931
I'm dusting.
295
00:09:24,034 --> 00:09:26,586
Uh-- put this
plug in the back.
296
00:09:26,689 --> 00:09:27,413
Please, hush.
297
00:09:27,517 --> 00:09:30,551
Please, sit down.
298
00:09:30,655 --> 00:09:31,896
OK.
299
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,137
We have invited you all here
because we want you to be
300
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,310
a part of our estate planning.
301
00:09:36,413 --> 00:09:37,827
Mom, why do we even
have to talk about this?
302
00:09:37,931 --> 00:09:38,965
Calvin, please.
303
00:09:39,068 --> 00:09:40,758
Now this is difficult
enough for us, baby,
304
00:09:40,862 --> 00:09:42,655
but it is something
that we must do.
305
00:09:42,758 --> 00:09:43,482
All right.
306
00:09:43,586 --> 00:09:46,413
You know what you must do?
307
00:09:46,517 --> 00:09:48,517
Sorry.
308
00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:49,344
Here you go.
309
00:09:49,448 --> 00:09:50,206
There you go.
310
00:09:50,310 --> 00:09:51,344
What the hell-- what is that?
311
00:09:51,448 --> 00:09:52,655
It's your thingy
from over there.
312
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:53,931
I'm dusting it for you.
313
00:09:54,034 --> 00:09:55,172
- My thingy?
- Yeah.
314
00:09:55,275 --> 00:09:56,310
- From over there?
- Yeah.
315
00:09:56,413 --> 00:09:57,344
Can you dust it back
from where you got it?
316
00:09:57,448 --> 00:09:58,586
Sure.
317
00:09:58,689 --> 00:10:00,896
I just hate talking
about something so morbid,
318
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,758
especially since you and
pops have so many years
319
00:10:03,862 --> 00:10:04,551
left ahead of you.
320
00:10:04,655 --> 00:10:05,620
Yes.
321
00:10:05,724 --> 00:10:08,931
Many, many more
years ahead of you.
322
00:10:09,034 --> 00:10:09,724
Stop, please.
323
00:10:09,827 --> 00:10:10,758
Come on, Curtis.
324
00:10:10,862 --> 00:10:12,241
Come on, baby, you
go first, please.
325
00:10:12,344 --> 00:10:13,448
Yeah.
326
00:10:13,551 --> 00:10:16,896
I bet you'd really like
that, wouldn't you?
327
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,586
We're gathered here
today to celebrate
328
00:10:18,689 --> 00:10:24,827
the extraordinary life of a
great man, a humanitarian,
329
00:10:24,931 --> 00:10:28,482
one loved by everybody.
330
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,034
Electric word-- life.
331
00:10:33,793 --> 00:10:35,137
It means forever.
332
00:10:38,620 --> 00:10:40,344
Which is a mighty long time.
333
00:10:40,448 --> 00:10:41,689
- Amen.
- Yeah.
334
00:10:41,793 --> 00:10:42,724
Can you put that--
335
00:10:42,827 --> 00:10:44,137
I'm-- I'm going
to put this back.
336
00:10:44,241 --> 00:10:45,586
Yes.
337
00:10:45,689 --> 00:10:47,655
And get your [inaudible].
338
00:10:47,758 --> 00:10:48,827
ELLA PAYNE: Curtis?
339
00:10:48,931 --> 00:10:49,965
Aren't you supposed
to be with the family?
340
00:10:50,068 --> 00:10:51,034
Get with the family!
- OK.
341
00:10:51,137 --> 00:10:52,793
I'm going.
342
00:10:52,896 --> 00:10:53,827
Where was I?
343
00:10:53,931 --> 00:10:54,620
Curtis, please.
344
00:10:54,724 --> 00:10:56,827
You wrote your own eulogy?
345
00:10:56,931 --> 00:10:58,896
Just read the will, Curtis.
346
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:02,793
Blah, blah, blah,
blah, a giant in a world
347
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:04,896
of small people.
348
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:08,206
Blah, blah, blah, helped
the less fortunate.
349
00:11:08,310 --> 00:11:09,517
OK.
350
00:11:09,620 --> 00:11:12,241
I, Curtis Payne, being
of outstanding mind
351
00:11:12,344 --> 00:11:17,620
and amazing body,
leave my most prized
352
00:11:17,724 --> 00:11:21,241
model train set to
Floyd Ulysses Jenkins
353
00:11:21,344 --> 00:11:23,655
Jackson, my best friend.
354
00:11:23,758 --> 00:11:26,068
Ella gets everything,
unless she's dead.
355
00:11:26,172 --> 00:11:29,034
Then it goes to the Fireman's
Auxiliary Fund, the end.
356
00:11:29,137 --> 00:11:30,758
A Genesis.
357
00:11:30,862 --> 00:11:32,068
- Huh?
- Genesis?
358
00:11:32,172 --> 00:11:33,482
- Genesis?
- Genesis?
359
00:11:33,586 --> 00:11:34,310
It's the last book.
360
00:11:34,413 --> 00:11:35,310
It's the first book.
361
00:11:35,413 --> 00:11:36,068
The last one I read.
362
00:11:39,068 --> 00:11:40,758
You're leaving everything
to the firefighters?
363
00:11:40,862 --> 00:11:41,551
Yeah.
364
00:11:41,655 --> 00:11:43,344
Firefighter till I die!
365
00:11:43,448 --> 00:11:44,689
[barking]
366
00:11:44,793 --> 00:11:45,793
Pops, how come
you're not going
367
00:11:45,896 --> 00:11:46,896
to leave me your train set?
368
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,413
Not only that, I'm
your only son and you
369
00:11:48,517 --> 00:11:49,827
didn't leave me anything.
370
00:11:49,931 --> 00:11:52,724
Technically, you're not even
supposed to hear any of this
371
00:11:52,827 --> 00:11:54,827
until I'm dead.
372
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:57,517
So, um-- uh-- what's up
with the insurance policy?
373
00:11:57,620 --> 00:11:58,344
Yeah.
374
00:11:58,448 --> 00:11:59,448
For the kids.
375
00:11:59,551 --> 00:12:01,310
You all need to be
ashamed of yourselves.
376
00:12:01,413 --> 00:12:02,413
C.J. PAYNE: Really?
377
00:12:02,517 --> 00:12:05,241
You are not taking
this seriously at all.
378
00:12:05,344 --> 00:12:06,517
Yes, we are.
379
00:12:06,620 --> 00:12:09,000
I got a special spot picked
out for my train set.
380
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:10,482
What do you mean,
your train set?
381
00:12:10,586 --> 00:12:12,137
I'm not even in the ground yet.
382
00:12:12,241 --> 00:12:14,206
You want a train,
you want a life policy,
383
00:12:14,310 --> 00:12:15,344
and you want my China.
384
00:12:15,448 --> 00:12:16,137
I know you do.
385
00:12:16,241 --> 00:12:17,137
I saw you.
386
00:12:17,241 --> 00:12:18,448
She was over there,
looking at the--
387
00:12:18,551 --> 00:12:19,482
Be quiet!
388
00:12:19,586 --> 00:12:20,724
I am worried about
what I am going
389
00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:23,655
to do if I lose the most
important person to me
390
00:12:23,758 --> 00:12:24,931
in my life.
391
00:12:25,034 --> 00:12:26,689
The point of all of this
was so that this craziness
392
00:12:26,793 --> 00:12:28,206
would not happen.
393
00:12:28,310 --> 00:12:31,862
I never thought I'd see the
day that my family would
394
00:12:31,965 --> 00:12:33,724
be here with this foolishness.
395
00:12:33,827 --> 00:12:34,517
This is a mess.
396
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:35,379
Move!
397
00:12:35,482 --> 00:12:37,034
I'm-- Miss Ella, I'm sorry.
398
00:12:37,137 --> 00:12:38,689
- I was playing about the TV.
- It's just so pretty.
399
00:12:38,793 --> 00:12:39,241
I've been looking at it--
- Shut up.
400
00:12:39,344 --> 00:12:41,758
Shut up.
401
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:44,000
And you know you're not
getting the China now.
402
00:12:48,275 --> 00:12:49,275
Hey, mom.
OK.
403
00:12:49,379 --> 00:12:50,724
I'm trying to get
the list together
404
00:12:50,827 --> 00:12:52,586
of everything you need.
405
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:53,413
The list for what?
406
00:12:53,517 --> 00:12:54,241
It's OK, baby.
407
00:12:54,344 --> 00:12:55,413
Here you go.
408
00:12:55,517 --> 00:12:57,103
Well, Christian likes
things a certain way.
409
00:12:57,206 --> 00:12:58,586
And you know, I just
want to make sure that--
410
00:12:58,689 --> 00:12:59,586
Honey, I don't need a list.
411
00:12:59,689 --> 00:13:01,034
I didn't raise you with a list.
412
00:13:01,137 --> 00:13:03,517
You remember, you graduated
from middle school with honors?
413
00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:04,620
Yes, but, mom--
414
00:13:04,724 --> 00:13:05,413
But nothing.
415
00:13:05,517 --> 00:13:06,758
No less.
416
00:13:06,862 --> 00:13:09,758
I got you to and from years
of dance recital without,
417
00:13:09,862 --> 00:13:12,793
you know, your father, when
he was working all hours.
418
00:13:12,896 --> 00:13:14,034
- Yes, mom.
- Uh, huh.
419
00:13:14,137 --> 00:13:15,448
And also, I got you
a date for the prom.
420
00:13:15,551 --> 00:13:16,931
You know, when you were
in your chubby phase.
421
00:13:17,034 --> 00:13:18,482
Mom, that was my first cousin.
422
00:13:18,586 --> 00:13:19,310
Yeah.
423
00:13:19,413 --> 00:13:20,551
And I didn't need a list.
424
00:13:20,655 --> 00:13:21,793
Mm, hm.
425
00:13:21,896 --> 00:13:23,344
I'm just trying to make
sure you have everything
426
00:13:23,448 --> 00:13:24,137
you're going to need.
427
00:13:24,241 --> 00:13:24,931
Oh, you know what?
428
00:13:25,034 --> 00:13:26,275
There is one thing.
429
00:13:26,379 --> 00:13:28,517
What pot should I use to warm
the bottles on the stove?
430
00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:31,275
Mom, no one uses pots anymore.
431
00:13:31,379 --> 00:13:33,551
Oh, honey, how do you
warm the baby's milk?
432
00:13:33,655 --> 00:13:35,724
In the bottle
warmer, just like
433
00:13:35,827 --> 00:13:39,172
we use the toaster for toast.
434
00:13:39,275 --> 00:13:41,137
Where do you keep
the cloth diapers?
435
00:13:41,241 --> 00:13:41,965
We use disposable.
436
00:13:42,068 --> 00:13:43,000
Good Lord.
437
00:13:43,103 --> 00:13:44,137
How do you dry the
baby after a bath?
438
00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:45,344
Huh?
439
00:13:45,448 --> 00:13:46,793
Hang him out the window?
440
00:13:46,896 --> 00:13:47,793
Let him air dry?
441
00:13:47,896 --> 00:13:48,793
Wee!
442
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:49,965
No.
443
00:13:50,068 --> 00:13:51,413
I just want to make sure
that you have everything
444
00:13:51,517 --> 00:13:52,413
that you're going to need.
445
00:13:52,517 --> 00:13:53,206
Yes, honey.
446
00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:54,034
I do.
447
00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:55,137
Go, go, go, go.
448
00:13:55,241 --> 00:13:56,896
Come here, pumpkin.
449
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,206
Bye, mommy's baby.
450
00:13:59,310 --> 00:14:00,344
Bye.
451
00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:01,344
OK.
452
00:14:01,448 --> 00:14:03,724
And also, just so
you know, 9-1-1
453
00:14:03,827 --> 00:14:05,241
is number one on speed dial.
454
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:06,862
All you do is dial
the 1, the pound,
455
00:14:06,965 --> 00:14:08,137
and then the green button, OK?
456
00:14:08,241 --> 00:14:09,000
Great, honey.
457
00:14:09,103 --> 00:14:10,000
Three buttons?
458
00:14:10,103 --> 00:14:11,448
I mean, you can
never be too safe.
459
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:12,275
Oh!
460
00:14:12,379 --> 00:14:13,206
Where are the pacifiers?
461
00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:14,344
Oh, no, no, no.
462
00:14:14,448 --> 00:14:15,620
We're not using them
because experts today
463
00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:18,517
say that they cause delayed
speech, dental problems,
464
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:20,448
and ear infections.
465
00:14:20,551 --> 00:14:21,758
Hm.
466
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:22,896
OK.
Go.
467
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:23,689
I'll be fine.
468
00:14:23,793 --> 00:14:24,724
Just quickly.
469
00:14:24,827 --> 00:14:25,931
"Parents Weekly."
"Parents Weekly."
470
00:14:26,034 --> 00:14:27,068
Just go.
Go!
471
00:14:27,172 --> 00:14:27,827
Go!
472
00:14:27,931 --> 00:14:28,620
I love you.
473
00:14:28,724 --> 00:14:30,241
I'll be fine.
474
00:14:30,344 --> 00:14:31,344
Say, bye bye!
475
00:14:31,448 --> 00:14:32,413
Say, bye, mama!
476
00:14:35,206 --> 00:14:35,896
Yes!
477
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,620
OK.
478
00:14:37,724 --> 00:14:39,758
I have got you what you need.
479
00:14:39,862 --> 00:14:42,724
Mrs. Lucas has got
something for you.
480
00:14:42,827 --> 00:14:44,620
Oh!
481
00:14:44,724 --> 00:14:45,586
[baby cooing]
482
00:14:45,689 --> 00:14:47,034
I know what you need.
483
00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:48,000
Oh, yeah.
484
00:14:53,896 --> 00:14:56,689
Come on, baby, what did
you call me out here for?
485
00:14:56,793 --> 00:14:59,620
I, Curtis Payne,
being of sound mind,
486
00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:05,482
do hereby present to you,
Ella Payne, this envelope.
487
00:15:05,586 --> 00:15:06,379
What is this?
488
00:15:06,482 --> 00:15:08,413
What-- what is this?
489
00:15:08,517 --> 00:15:10,310
It's a paternity test, baby.
490
00:15:10,413 --> 00:15:12,137
Turns out, I don't even have
to put Calvin in the will.
491
00:15:12,241 --> 00:15:14,103
He not mine.
492
00:15:14,206 --> 00:15:15,413
Yeah!
493
00:15:15,517 --> 00:15:18,965
Curtis, I am so not in
the mood for your games.
494
00:15:19,068 --> 00:15:21,172
Why is this a joke for you?
495
00:15:21,275 --> 00:15:22,517
Baby, it's not a joke.
Ella!
496
00:15:22,620 --> 00:15:23,413
OK.
Come on, baby.
497
00:15:23,517 --> 00:15:24,620
I'm not joking.
- Curtis.
498
00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:25,482
Sit down for me.
499
00:15:25,586 --> 00:15:26,344
Sit down for me.
500
00:15:26,448 --> 00:15:27,137
Come on.
501
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,275
OK.
502
00:15:30,379 --> 00:15:32,482
Now all this talk about caskets
and death-- come on, now!
503
00:15:32,586 --> 00:15:33,551
Come on!
504
00:15:33,655 --> 00:15:34,551
You know me.
505
00:15:34,655 --> 00:15:35,896
You know I can't
do all that, baby.
506
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,103
I can't do it.
507
00:15:37,206 --> 00:15:38,448
OK.
508
00:15:38,551 --> 00:15:40,068
I don't even want to think
about life without you, OK?
509
00:15:40,172 --> 00:15:41,379
I'm sorry.
510
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,827
I understand that, baby,
but death is a part of life.
511
00:15:43,931 --> 00:15:47,206
It's all a part of life.
512
00:15:47,310 --> 00:15:50,655
That's why I finished the
plans, like you asked me to.
513
00:15:50,758 --> 00:15:52,655
Curtis, no you didn't.
514
00:15:52,758 --> 00:15:57,137
Baby, what-- oh!
515
00:15:57,241 --> 00:15:59,758
Thank you, Curtis.
516
00:15:59,862 --> 00:16:01,862
I know this wasn't easy, baby.
517
00:16:01,965 --> 00:16:05,827
Doing a will is not anything
anybody wants to think about.
518
00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:07,965
You're right about that.
519
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,034
And I'll take that.
520
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:11,310
Because the only
thing I want to think
521
00:16:11,413 --> 00:16:14,551
about is being with my baby.
522
00:16:14,655 --> 00:16:16,034
Oh, yeah!
523
00:16:22,758 --> 00:16:23,448
[baby crying]
524
00:16:23,551 --> 00:16:24,482
Oh, God!
525
00:16:24,586 --> 00:16:25,758
What do you want
Mrs. Lucas to do!
526
00:16:25,862 --> 00:16:26,551
Shh!
527
00:16:26,655 --> 00:16:27,551
Shh!
528
00:16:27,655 --> 00:16:28,379
Mom!
529
00:16:28,482 --> 00:16:29,551
What is going on?
530
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,724
Well, Calvin, obviously,
made this boy colicky.
531
00:16:31,827 --> 00:16:33,482
Then he broke out in something.
532
00:16:33,586 --> 00:16:34,379
What are you--
533
00:16:34,482 --> 00:16:35,551
Uh--
534
00:16:35,655 --> 00:16:36,620
Oh, be careful!
Hold his head!
535
00:16:36,724 --> 00:16:37,586
Hold his head!
Be careful!
536
00:16:37,689 --> 00:16:38,758
You got him?
Oh, Lord.
537
00:16:38,862 --> 00:16:39,655
Lord.
Oh, god.
538
00:16:39,758 --> 00:16:41,379
Let me see.
Baby, are you OK?
539
00:16:41,482 --> 00:16:43,344
What-- where did
this outfit come from?
540
00:16:43,448 --> 00:16:45,586
Baby, he-- Bougie
Baby Boutique.
541
00:16:45,689 --> 00:16:46,586
Did you wash it first?
542
00:16:46,689 --> 00:16:49,689
Well, I Baby Baby
Bougie Boutique.
543
00:16:49,793 --> 00:16:51,793
You have to wash all the
outfits before he wears them.
544
00:16:51,896 --> 00:16:53,206
You don't know what
kind of chemicals
545
00:16:53,310 --> 00:16:56,586
that are on these cotton fabrics
that cause skin irritation.
546
00:16:56,689 --> 00:16:57,827
What?
547
00:16:57,931 --> 00:16:59,586
"Parenting Weekly."
548
00:16:59,689 --> 00:17:02,517
How am I supposed
to know that?
549
00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:05,793
Well, it was number
five on my list.
550
00:17:08,206 --> 00:17:09,931
It's going to be OK, OK?
551
00:17:10,034 --> 00:17:12,137
Daddy's got you.
552
00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:12,965
He's good with him.
553
00:17:13,068 --> 00:17:14,482
He's really good with him.
554
00:17:14,586 --> 00:17:16,517
You would have been, too,
had you listened to me.
555
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:18,517
Well, honey, this is
your first child, you know?
556
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,827
I thought-- I thought I
was just helping, you know?
557
00:17:20,931 --> 00:17:22,758
And I want you to be the
best mother in the world.
558
00:17:22,862 --> 00:17:24,655
It's something I could
not do, you know?
559
00:17:24,758 --> 00:17:25,448
You--
560
00:17:25,551 --> 00:17:26,482
Mom.
561
00:17:26,586 --> 00:17:28,793
Look, I-- ugh.
562
00:17:28,896 --> 00:17:30,482
Mom, listen,
you have to let me
563
00:17:30,586 --> 00:17:32,448
be the best mother on my own.
564
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,241
We have to get to know each
other, Christian and I,
565
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:35,068
together.
566
00:17:35,172 --> 00:17:36,689
And make mistakes together.
567
00:17:36,793 --> 00:17:38,206
Oh, honey, I didn't
know you felt that way.
568
00:17:38,310 --> 00:17:39,586
And maybe I should
just go, you know?
569
00:17:39,689 --> 00:17:40,862
I'm just making problems.
570
00:17:40,965 --> 00:17:42,172
No, mom.
571
00:17:42,275 --> 00:17:44,689
You know I didn't
mean it that way.
572
00:17:44,793 --> 00:17:46,068
And when I need your help--
573
00:17:46,172 --> 00:17:47,482
and I know I will--
574
00:17:47,586 --> 00:17:49,275
I'm going to ask you.
575
00:17:49,379 --> 00:17:53,551
Well, it looks like you won't
be calling me anytime soon.
576
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,655
I think you're doing
an excellent job.
577
00:17:55,758 --> 00:17:57,034
- Really?
- Yeah.
578
00:17:57,137 --> 00:17:58,310
Oh!
579
00:17:58,413 --> 00:18:00,482
Oh, you're a wonderful
wife and a wonderful mother.
580
00:18:00,586 --> 00:18:04,034
And Christian and Calvin
are so lucky to have you.
581
00:18:04,137 --> 00:18:05,517
Yeah.
OK.
582
00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:07,586
So now I'm going to try and see
if I can get rid of that rash.
583
00:18:07,689 --> 00:18:09,137
- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
- What?
584
00:18:09,241 --> 00:18:09,586
What?
585
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:10,448
What?
586
00:18:10,551 --> 00:18:11,275
How about we do it together?
587
00:18:11,379 --> 00:18:12,482
OK.
588
00:18:12,586 --> 00:18:14,586
And I would like us
to refer to number 17--
589
00:18:14,689 --> 00:18:15,448
Oh, Lord.
590
00:18:15,551 --> 00:18:16,862
Not again.
591
00:18:16,965 --> 00:18:20,172
I, Curtis Payne,
being of sound mind--
592
00:18:20,275 --> 00:18:21,310
Baby.
593
00:18:21,413 --> 00:18:26,758
And of sound body,
so say, dearly beloved,
594
00:18:26,862 --> 00:18:29,137
we're gathered here
today to celebrate
595
00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:31,000
this thing called life.
596
00:18:31,103 --> 00:18:32,586
Curtis, I'm trying
to study, baby.
597
00:18:32,689 --> 00:18:33,793
Please.
No, no.
598
00:18:33,896 --> 00:18:36,586
I want to leave, to
this girl named Nikki,
599
00:18:36,689 --> 00:18:39,413
who I met in the hotel lobby--
600
00:18:39,517 --> 00:18:41,103
she was wearing a
raspberry beret.
601
00:18:41,206 --> 00:18:43,551
I never meant to
cause you any sorrow.
602
00:18:43,655 --> 00:18:46,758
I never meant to
cause you any pain.
603
00:18:46,862 --> 00:18:48,862
I only want to
hear you laughing.
604
00:18:48,965 --> 00:18:49,655
[fake laughter]
605
00:18:49,758 --> 00:18:51,241
That was so fake.
606
00:18:51,344 --> 00:18:52,206
Well, get off me, baby.
607
00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:53,000
Come on, Curtis!
608
00:18:53,103 --> 00:18:53,793
Hey!
609
00:18:53,896 --> 00:18:54,827
Hey, baby.
610
00:18:54,931 --> 00:19:00,206
[WHISPERING] I
would die for you.
611
00:19:00,310 --> 00:19:02,241
Thank you.
612
00:19:02,344 --> 00:19:03,724
I don't know why.
613
00:19:03,827 --> 00:19:05,448
Really?
614
00:19:05,551 --> 00:19:07,793
If you want me to--
39810
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