Original subtitles

http://subscene.com/u/659433 Improved by: @Ivandrofly

MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY

ALL CLAMOURING

MAN: Gentlemen, we are in danger. There is a storm coming.

My men are terrified. We must leave

ROBERT: That tomb is here somewhere. I can feel it.

- Please, Robert, it's been two months! - Archie, I'm not stopping!

CECIL: Dad

What's going on with this wind, Pop

C.J, go wait in the truck

- I don't want to just wait in the truck. - I said go! Windows up!

SIGHS

Robert

- MAN: Mr. Fredericks! - What?

WIND HOWLING

Ah

COUGHS

Help

Help

ROBERT: C.J? Are you all right

- Yeah, I'm fine! - I'm coming down!

Yes

BOTH CHUCKLE

I looked for the tomb of Ahkmenrah for 20 years, and what do you do?

You fall right into it

Amir, start loading the trucks

Mr. Fredericks

there is no time

The storm is almost upon us

Then you'd better hurry

Come on. Everybody works

AMIR SPEAKING IN ARABIC

- (SHOUTING IN ARABIC) - (SCREAMING)

Hey! What's the matter with you? Huh

SPEAKING IN ARABIC

He said, "We must leave this place immediately."

MAN CONTINUES IN ARABIC

If anyone disturbs this tomb

MAN CONTINUES IN ARABIC

the end will come

REPEATS IN ARABIC

The end will come

We load the trucks

SHOUTING IN ARABIC

MEN CLAMOURING

WIND HOWLING

MAN SHOUTING IN ARABIC

I can't help feeling we're making a terrible mistake!

We're not making a mistake, we're making history!

Don't worry

C.J! Let's go

The end will come

HAMMER POUNDING

WOMAN: Welcome, everyone, to the Grand Reopening...

of the newly renovated Hayden Planetarium...

here at the Museum of Natural History

New York's glitterati have all turned out...

for what has promised to be a memorable evening...

filled with the dazzling special effects...

and technical wizardry we've all come to admire from this museum...

and its renowned Night Program

Tonight gonna be fun-fun

Here come Dum Dum

Hey, how we doing, Sac

Rexy is waxed and buffed

Teddy is grooming his moustache

Oh, and I reviewed fire safety procedures with the primordial men.

By the way, have you seen them lately

- The museum has added a new one. - LARRY: What? No.

Oh, and make sure the centurions stretch, all right?

They really went for it in the dress rehearsal...

and they're just not used to those kinds of dance moves.

Okay, everybody. Everybody, listen up. I don't want to make anybody nervous...

but the mayor and the governor are both out there.

And, uh, I'm not 100 percent sure, but I think Regis Philbin, too.

(GASPS) Reeju Philbo?

Yeah, Reeju Philbo

- Okay, Rexy, do me a favor. - (GRUNTS)

Watch the tail, okay? There's gonna be open flame.

Oh, Dexter

how you doing, my man

All limbered up

Looking good. I like the tie

Got kind of a Chippendales thing going on.

- All chalked up, ready to go? - (CHATTERS)

Good. Okay, everybody relax and have fun, okay?

AHKMENRAH: Larry

You better come see this

CONTINUES CHATTERING

- Have you ever seen it like this before? - Never.

AHKMENRAH: This corrosion has never happened before.

It's always been exactly the same

I wonder what's up with it

I have no idea

And to be honest

my father knew the secrets of the tablet better than I did.

Unfortunately, he swore he'd never reveal them.

He never did

- (GASPS) - Whoa!

You okay

Yes

Yes, I'm fine

Just take it easy out there tonight, all right?

You got 15 minutes till showtime

We're gonna figure this out tomorrow

All right

- (OCTAVIUS LAUGHING) - JEDEDIAH: Look at that!

Doggone it

- (CATS MEWING) - OCTAVIUS: Did you see that?

They're trying to catch the light

But you can't do it, boys! You can't catch light!

It's as elusive as human happiness

LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY

I should like to comment

- Summon the apparatus. - Yeah.

Summon the apparatus

What are you gonna say

L

O

L

KEY POUNDING

"Laugh out loud." Yeah, that's what I did.

Now, post these adorable kittens

with my edict of approval to Facebook

Give a big Texas "hell yeah" from old Jedediah...

because I loved it too

Just send a smiley face

Yeah, but with a wink

- A smiley face and a wink! - (KEYS POUNDING)

Guys, what are you doing

We're just watching kittens

You're on in five minutes. You got to focus, here.

I told you we don't have time for this

You gave it a Texas "hell yeah

- Hey, Teddy, ready to roll? - Indeed, Lawrence.

- Great. - Battle of San Juan Hill cool as a cucumber.

Right now, butterflies like you wouldn't believe.

You're gonna be great

- Lawrence? - Yeah.

Have you seen the Neanderthals lately

No. Why does everybody keep talking about this?

You may want to give it a look

MAMMOTH BELLOWING

NEANDERTHALS GRUNTING

Hey, guys, what's going on

GRUNTING EXCITEDLY

ALL: Ooh

Okay

All right, very funny

- That's hilarious. - (GRUNTING SOFTLY)

You don't have to come down. It's okay, really.

Hi, how are you? I'm Larry

I'm Laaa

You're "Laaa

Laaa

Laaa. Okay, nice to meet you, Laaa

Welcome aboard, and

Yes, we look similar

Yeah, we look like each other, I know. It's a joke that somebody played.

Dr. McPhee had you made to look like me

It's just a

GRUNTING SOFTLY

- (YELPS) - Stop it. Stop, okay?

- Dada? - What?

Dada

No, not your Dada

Yeah, Dada

- No. Stop. - Dada.

- Dada! - ALL: Dada!

No, I'm not his... I'm not your Dada

Dum Dum got a new son-son

- (GRUNTING) - No, he doesn't.

Dada

ALL: Dada

DR. MCPHEE: A toast to our new chairwoman

Cheers, everyone. Cheers

- Cue the music. - (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

And Teddy in three, two

APPLAUSE

Since 1869, when I was a mere boy of 11...

this museum has been a shining beacon to our great city.

Tonight we'll expand our horizons even further...

to the Sun

- the Moon, and the stars. - (MOUTHING)

From our very beginning

mankind has looked to the heavens

and given names to what he saw

The constellations

I thought you might like to meet them

(WHISPERS) Cue the constellations.

AUDIENCE GASPS

- (CHUCKLES) - Wow.

AUDIENCE GASPS

CHUCKLES LIGHTLY

Orion, the hunter

GASPING CONTINUES

CHUCKLES

What

- (YELPS) - (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

All planned. All planned

I knew that was gonna happen. So, yeah

Good. Going great, guys. Going great

Let's drop the silks

And go with the monkey

- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) - What?

CHUCKLES

CHATTERING

Come on

- (GRUNTS) - (AUDIENCE GASPS AND CHEERS)

CONTINUES CHATTERING

That's what I do

TEDDY: Thank you for your patronage

and for your unwavering support of this fine institution.

This newly renovated planetarium will serve as a lens...

LAUGHING

JABBERING INCOHERENTLY

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends!"

What

JABBERING CONTINUES

SCREECHING

Charge

AUDIENCE GASPS

Rough Riders

- It's okay! Just hang on! - Is this part of it?

LARRY: Sorry folks, a little technical issue. What are you doing?

- Stick to the script. Stick to the script! - Huh?

- It's me! - I don't know you.

ATTILA SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY

ALL SHOUTING

- (ALL SHOUTING) - (AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

JEDEDIAH: Pull

I don't know what's come over me, but I like it!

Drop 'em

- (SCREAMING) - Ha-ha!

Yeah! Yeah

SHOUTING ANGRILY

What's going on

Do something

BOTH SCREAMING

GRUNTING EXCITEDLY

- ALL: Oh! - (CHATTERING)

What are you doing

Ah

GROANING

CHEERING

GRUNTING

LARRY: Orion, don't

LAUGHS

- (ALL CLAMOURING) - (REXY ROARS)

Rexy

ROARS

Guys, what was going on out there

LAAA GRUNTING INCOHERENTLY

- Seriously, what were you thinking? - (CONTINUES GRUNTING)

Laaa, I got this, all right

Just... Go over there

No, go over there

Go

Attila

what were you doing to that dolphin, man?

It's a dolphin

It's one of the most peaceful creatures on earth...

and you're hacking into it like it was The Cove or something.

Did you see the look on Regis Philbin's face?

Reeju

Yeah, Reeju

Teddy, what were you doing pointing a gun at me?

Forgive me, Lawrence. I don't know what came over me.

Do you even remember that

- Not at all. - (MACHINE POWERING UP)

- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (LAAA GRUNTING)

Laaa, shut that down! It's a defibrillator.

Put it down. It's dangerous

Laaa, that's electricity. Those aren't headphones.

Stop it

Oh ! Hey! Whoa! Dexter

What are you doing

- (CHATTERS) - LARRY: Huh?

Honestly, if you're gonna act like a baby,

then I'll get you some diapers

You want diapers again? Huh

- (CHATTERS) - JEDEDIAH: Whoa! Whoa!

Ease up on the reins there, hoss

Can't you see? He feels terrible

Hell, we all do

LARRY: I don't know what's going on with everybody here...

but tonight was really weird. Really weird.

OCTAVIUS: We feel awful

Something took hold of us like an evil spell!

JEDEDIAH: Yeah, like we just weren't ourselves.

GRUNTING

MOBILE RINGING

- LARRY: Hello? - DR. MCPHEE: Larry.

Hey, Dr. McPhee

Yeah, hi. How's it going

- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) - Uh, okay.

Good, good, good, good, good, good

You know that sound of when you're hiding in a trash bin...

fearing for your life because a Tyrannosaurus Rex is using it as a Hacky Sack?

No. I don't know that sound

You don't know that sound? Oh, hold on one second.

That's the sound! That's the sound! It will haunt my dreams!

I'm sorry. Look, really, I'm sorry

I swear to you, I had no idea this was going to happen.

I had no idea it was gonna happen

"I'm only in charge of all the special effects."

It was your fault! They were your special effects!

- (STAMMERING) No, I know. - That's a joke.

Special effects"? More like "special

"defects!" (MANIACAL LAUGHTER)

Look, I promise you, I'm gonna find out what happened.

- Or they were "special rejects!" - (LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm sorry, Dr. McPhee. I gotta go

LAUGHING AND WHOOPING

- (MUSIC BLARING) - Hey!

Nicky! Nicky! Stop hopping

MUSIC STOPS

Dad, what are you doing

What are you doing

It's 3:00 AM

All right, party's over

- Hey. - Hey.

Who are you

- I'm Sophie. - Sophie?

Bye Bye Birdie

- Right. - It was good.

- Thanks. - Yeah.

See you tomorrow night

- Probably not. - Probably.

Definitely not

Bye

You're in so much trouble

I know

I didn't really know you were coming home early.

Yeah, that's pretty obvious

I mean

what makes you think this is okay

When I'm not at Mom's you leave me alone, like, every night.

Look, you can't be doing this right now

You got finals, your NYU application is due in what, two weeks?

I'm not gonna get into NYU

- You don't know that. - No, I do.

You don't know that

I do very much know that, in the sense that I don't intend to apply.

What

I don't think that it's the place for me right now, Dad.

Okay. All right, fine. You want to spread your wings a little...

get out of the city, go to school somewhere else.

I totally support that. All you had to do was tell me.

Where do you want to go

- What's the list? - It's a short list.

Great. I like it. Focus

I'mma hit you with a super short list, man, because it's...

There's nothing on it

SIGHS

There's

I'm confused, because there's not a list...

Dad

Mmm-hmm

I want to take a year off

I would like to do exactly what you just said.

I want to spread my wings

You want to spread your wings, that's great.

But you can't spread your wings and fly to nowhere.

- Plans change. - No, they don't.

No, they don't. Plans don't change

We had a plan, it changed

- It's disorienting at first. - No.

You can't change the plan

unless you check with the people who are financing the plan...

which is, last time I checked, your mother and I. Okay?

Dad, we could sit here and just have this conversation about plans...

but for now, let's call it a night

Let's not even clean up, right

Let's come back tomorrow

Let's reboot the whole energy, the whole tone of this puppy...

and we'll kill it, man

Team Daley! Not tonight, tomorrow

Hey, Team Daley

- Yeah? - Stop talking.

Okay

You're gonna clean up. I'm gonna go to bed.

And then we're gonna finish this conversation tomorrow.

MUSIC PLAYING

Yeah! Get some

Get some

That's it. Yeah

Hi

I'm Larry Daley. I'm head of the Night Program.

I know who you are. You're the security guard.

Yeah, also head of the Night Program

I'm doing some research

and I was wondering if you could help me out.

Mmm. Night guard doing research

Ooh la-la

Yeah

Uh, I'm just looking for anything

that you might have on the tablet of Ahkmenrah.

Center aisle

- Great. - Halfway down, stacks on your left.

GROANS

Get it

So

what makes you so curious about the tablet?

Oh! Just, uh

Just a hobby, you know? Kind of an interest of mine.

I wish I could talk to these guys

Well, you can't

Yeah

Because they're dead

Right

But, uh, look at that one

Looks like a kid, huh

CHUCKLES

SIGHS DEEPLY

You didn't know him, did you

C.J Fredericks

He worked here

- He worked here? - Yeah, when he grew up.

- No. - Yeah.

He was a night guard

Same as you

Wait a minute. C.J

C.J Fredericks

Cecil Fredericks

Sexiest night guard we ever had

Present company included

Boy, could that man move

MUSIC PLAYING

Larry

Hey, Cecil

My God, it's been years

You look like you're doing pretty good

I've still got it, pal

What are you doing here

I need to talk to you about the tablet

What the heck is Short Stack doing here

Hey, Gus. You're looking well

Reginald

Are you here to frame us again

Send us back to the slammer

I didn't frame you. You were actually stealing.

And I was the one that got you out of jail, so...

- Yeah. - We've got a nice life here.

The past is the past. We've moved on

I don't think this guy's moved on

Listen to him, monkey face

REGINALD: We've put all that tablet stuff behind us, Larry.

It's old news

Besides, we really never knew anything about that old tablet.

We just worked there

Something's up with it

I told you, I can't help you

Maybe this kid can

Maybe we'd better talk alone

CECIL: Expedition like that is a pretty amazing thing...

for a 12-year-old boy

I tried to move on

but there was something about that tablet.

It's turning green, like some sort of corrosion.

And something's happening to Teddy and Dexter...

Jed and Octavius

They're all acting weird

It's like the green rust is affecting them.

The end will come

What

The locals, they warned us

They begged us to leave that tomb alone

I thought it meant the end of the world

But maybe it meant the end

End of the magic

We should have listened

Should have listened

Instead, we shipped Ahk and the tablet off to New York...

and his folks to England

Wait. Wait

Ahkmenrah's parents are in England

It was a joint expedition

Some of the artifacts stayed in Egypt

The rest was divided up between New York and the British Museum.

Ahk said that his father knew the secrets of the tablet.

I think I have to go talk to him

- I need you to listen to me. - Uh...

Our esteemed chairwoman asked for my resignation.

She said, since the Night Program was my brainchild...

that the buck starts and stops with me

- I can fix it. - How?

I need you to let me take the tablet and Ahkmenrah to London.

Sorry. I'm just processing that

IMITATING ELECTRONIC BEEPING

(ROBOTIC VOICE) Input data analysis.

(NORMAL VOICE) I've just told you I'm being fired,

and the first thing you ask

is if I'd allow you to take some priceless artifacts...

away with you on holiday

- Yes. Please. - No way, José.

I'm asking you to please go with me on this.

- Nah. - Please.

Can't do it, dude

Bye

- Are you gonna mug me? - What?

I don't know. Just be prepared

- I need you to listen to me. - Oh.

- Okay? - Yep.

- You want to know the truth? - Go on.

Truth is, the tablet

The tablet is actually magic

Things really do come to life at night

- It's special effects. - It's not special effects.

How could it be special effects

How could it not be special effects

- Because it isn't! - Of course it is!

- I'm telling you, this is what happens. - What?

Sun goes down

the tablet starts to glow

everything comes to life

- Sure. - It's real.

Tablet starts to glow

Now I know you're mental

- Look, Leslie... - (YELPS)

Listen to me. I'm not gonna hurt you

I know. Just

What

Listen, nobody cares about this place as much as we do, right?

Yeah

If you don't help me

everything that's special about it might stop...

and it may never come back

I'm not asking you to understand, I'm just asking you to trust me.

I'd like to help you

but I don't even work here anymore

British Museum doesn't know that

The mummy and the tablet, both

Classic conservation job

under authority of me, of course

the director of this museum, which I still am.

Yep, okay

You're in

ROCK MUSIC PLAYING

I really could have just stayed by myself in New York.

Yeah. No, that wasn't gonna happen

- Beautiful, huh? - Yeah.

The River Thames

Isn't this cool, man, you and me in London?

- Huh? - Yeah.

Hey, I've been thinking about that, uh, year off.

Yeah

I think it could be cool

- Yeah? - Yeah.

What are you thinking

Yeah. Uh... Wow

I think I want to DJ in Ibiza

In Ibiza

Ibiza, it's a small island off the coast of Spain.

- Do you speak Spanish? - No.

But that's the beautiful thing. It's about the music.

It's not inhibited by the language barrier.

No, but you are

- Do you speak in beats? - Why are you freaking out?

You just said this was a really cool idea.

I'm not freaking out

I just want to understand what the plan is.

You didn't go to college

Wait, now we're talking about not going to college at all?

- Maybe. I don't know. - Nicky.

Nicky. That's not

Dad, you didn't go to college. You turned out fine.

I turned out okay after about 20 years in a lot of dead ends.

Whatever, man

Don't worry about me. It's fine

Hey, I'm always gonna worry about you

- I'm your dad. - Thanks.

Sun is going down. We should get going

All right

NICK: Dad, what's the plan here, anyway

LARRY: When the tablet brings Ahkmenrah to life, he's gonna sneak us in.

- Now, get down. - What?

LARRY: Just get down! Come on, man. Part of the adventure.

Hello. Welcome to the British Museum

My name's Tilly

Hi. Thank you

I'm Larry Daley from Natural History, New York.

- Yeah, yeah. - I got a delivery...

for your conservation department

All right

So they let you travel

This is kind of unusual

Well, they let me travel. You know where?

- No. - Home. Here. Home.

Back here

Off to the toot-toot

Five-minute maximum. (SCOFFS)

FORCED CHUCKLE

So that must be well wicked being a security guard in America.

- Uh... - With your gun, with a silencer,

with your ninja swords

- Right. - (IMITATING BLADES WHOOSHING)

That's not even a little bit true

The only thing that I got is this

- Oh. - Hammer! It's for...

and I quote, "minor repairs and beautifications"

to the shack

Oh

You just hit things

Yeah, that's catchy

Basically worthless

I can't believe we're actually still talking.

- It's great, though, innit? - It is.

This is the most conversation I've had

in the three years that I've worked here.

I feel a connection, too

Is it cool if I just make my drop

- Oh, yeah. - Wonderful.

But I will have to confirm

Actually, that's not necessary

because they've already confirmed it on the slip I gave you.

Yeah, all right. Confirming

- Okay. - TILLY: All right.

- (KEYPAD BEEPING) - (LINE RINGING)

DR. MCPHEE: Hello. This is Dr. McPhee

It's the British Museum, sir

I'm just confirming a delivery to our conservation department.

Yes, I signed the paperwork

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a museum to run.

You, boy, get those grubby fingers off my Ming vase.

See? Bye

All right

- Good? - All right, you is legit.

I is legit

- Wonderful. - Confirm it.

- Thank you. - All right, I'll open the gate.

Okay

TILLY: Yeah, so, like, my boyfriend

he doesn't really like the way I do my hair.

Says it looks like a golden poo sitting on my shoulder.

- But I really enjoy it. - Mmm-hmm.

Bye, Larry

SNORING

I'm not an expert

but this is feeling, just, really against the law.

No, they have a totally different legal system here.

Okay

How we doing

All clear

All right, let's go

Larry, the others felt, perhaps, we could use some help.

The others

Lawrence, I couldn't sit idly by

Our very survival is at stake

All right. Hey, Teddy. Good

Good man to have in a crisis

Attila

Okay, a little muscle

SACAJAWEA: Hi, Larry

That is a deceptively large box

Obviously, we came along, too

You know you'd be lost without us, Gigantor.

Are you serious

CHATTERING

And the monkey. All right, basically everyone.

Dada

Oh! No, no

No possible benefit whatsoever

He really wanted to come

LARRY SIGHS

Yeah, this is my son

my actual son, Nicky

- Nicky, this is Laaa. - What's up?

GRUNTS

He's just tracking me

IMITATING MOCKINGLY

- Laaa. - (GRUNTS)

TEDDY: So, Lawrence what's the plan of attack?

We need to get to the Egyptian wing, find Ahk's father...

- and hopefully get the tablet fixed. - Huh?

- (GIGGLING) - LARRY: All of us.

Laaa, that's not for eating. That's not food.

Don't

You know what? I got a job for you

Come on, come on

Come on

I want you to stay here and watch this door, okay?

Make sure nobody comes in or out. Okay

Good. You're gonna be a guard, just like me.

- All right. - (GRUNTING EXCITEDLY)

No. Come here

Stay here

and put your hands on the door

- Good, stay. - Stay!

Good. That's right. You stay here

Stay here

Stay. Right

No. Stay

- Stay! - Stay.

Look there. Good. Stay

No. Good. Stay

No. Stay

Stay

Don't... Don't move

Don't move

No. Good. Okay

Okay, listen up, guys

This place is waking up for the first time...

and we have no idea what's out there, so stay together, all right?

ATTILA SPEAKING IN LOCAL DIALECT

LARRY: I know it's spooky, big guy

Just stay close

DEXTER CHATTERING

JEDEDIAH: What kind of haunted hootenanny is this, boys?

We're all finding this super creepy, right?

LARRY: They're just a little freaked out

First time we came alive it took some getting used to.

Hey, there. Just heading to Egypt

- Come on. This way. - (ANIMALS GRUNTING)

LOUD THUDDING

THUDDING CONTINUES

Hear that

Hear what

That

GROWLING

(WHISPERING) We'll just be down here if anyone needs us.

We're not scared. It's just more comfortable.

TEDDY: Lawrence

I think it's safe to say that we're in a bit of trouble.

I know how to handle this guy

- You mind? - (SNORTING)

- Thanks. - Dad, what are you doing?

How do you think I tamed your pal Rexy

Hi, there

I bet you're not so mean, are you? Huh

I bet you're not so mean

No, you're just a little puppy, right

You're just a little puppy who wants to play.

You want to play, huh

Want to play fetch

Yeah

You want to play with this bone

Ah! Yeah

- (WHINING EXCITEDLY) - Here you go. Go fetch.

Go fetch

GAGGING

- Lawrence? - Yeah?

- May I suggest a different plan? - What?

- (ROARING) - Run!

ALL PANTING

ROARING CONTINUES

Close it, close it

Okay. I think we're

GROANING

Get back! Everybody, get back

All right. You don't want to fetch

- Fetch on this. - What?

SHOUTING

Oh! Oh! Ah

- Oh, that's close! - Need some help?

- What? - Move.

GRUNTING

LAUGHS

ATTILA SHOUTING IN LOCAL DIALECT

- Whoa! - (GROANS)

Attila, you okay

Whoa

Oh

GASPS

KNIGHT LAUGHING

- You might want to... - No.

Here

- hold this. - (GROANS)

WHINING

That was actually very cool

Sir Lancelot, at your service

Thank you. That was amazing

TEDDY: Theodore Roosevelt

President of the United States of America.

I have no idea what that means

I'm Larry, and this is my son, Nick

You have a noble face, Nick

- Thanks. - Thanks for the help.

Now, you

You remind me of a man I once knew at Camelot.

Really

One of the Knights of the Round Table

No, Erik

Erik

Our fool

He was the funniest fool I ever met

He was so good, he didn't even have to do anything.

He could just walk into a room and you'd laugh.

- Hmm. - (CHUCKLES)

- You have what he had. The gift. - That's weird.

- You could be a fool. - I don't know about that.

Oh, come on, of course you could

We'd get you one of those hats with the funny little dangly bells.

Dangly bells

LAUGHS

(CHUCKLING) Hmm?

Dangly bells

Didn't I tell you? The gift

He does what seems like nothing

A sort of deadpan

tiny little

Hmm." "Hmm

Expressionless, you know, sort of a

Hmm. Hmm

sort of thing

Just like Erik

Sounds like a great guy. We got to get going, so...

Ah, Camelot

Okay

Someday, I shall return to its mighty towers...

to King Arthur

and Queen Guinevere

Sweet

beauteous Guinevere

But I'm sworn not to until I have completed my quest.

I must find the Holy Grail

Well, good luck with that

And thanks for the help again

We got to get to Egypt, so we'll see you.

- I will lead you. - No, it's okay.

Halt, Dangly Bells

There is strange magic in the air, and dangerous beasts are afoot.

It is the duty of a true knight

to protect and care for those in need

We're off

I guess he's coming with us

Larry

SPEAKING IN LOCAL DIALECT

- Jed and Octavius? - (CONTINUES)

They must have fallen out while we were running.

Jed

Octavius

Jedediah

- Jed! - Octo!

LARRY: Oh, no

NICK: Is that Octavius's cape

Here

- Nicky. - Yeah.

Guys

BOTH SCREAMING

Gigantor

Jed

They won't last long in those heating vents, Lawrence.

At their size, they'll bake like tiny little scarabs in the Sinai.

Too dark

Ah

WIND HOWLING

SOFT WHIRRING

SCREAMING LOUDLY

WHIRRING CONTINUES

SCREAMING CONTINUES

This is the end, boy

This is the last roundup

Hold my hand

Why

Never mind

BEEPING

BOTH GROAN

JEDEDIAH: We're a long way from home, boy

Did you ask me to hold your hand

No

Mmm-hmm

ATTILA: (SHOUTING) Jedo

Octo

SPEAKING IN LOCAL DIALECT

They could be anywhere between here and the intake vent.

- (CHATTERING) - What do you see, Dex?

You know he's a monkey, Lawrence

He can't talk

No, but he can fit

Nicky... give me your phone

- Why? - For Dex.

I don't understand one thing that's going on here.

I don't, either. Dad, what's going on

I'm sort of set up to track your phone

You're sort of set up to track my phone? You track my phone?

Yeah, I'm your dad. I'm looking out for you.

No. No. Hold up

"Spying on" is not the same thing as just looking out for someone.

You'll get it back, I promise

But right now, it's going on the monkey's back.

All right. Dex, come here

Thanks, man

Listen. I need you to go down there and find them, all right?

- Think you can handle it? - (CHATTERING)

Good man

Stay safe

I think it's right here

LAUGHS

Right here

Classic

Ah, the gift of laughter

Thank you, Dangly Bells

ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING

First quest

Uh, not exactly

I thought you were going to Egypt

We are, but we got to do this first

That's not how a quest works

A quest is one thing. It's not, like, "Holy Grail and a monkey."

Yeah, well, my guys are missing and Dexter's gonna find them.

SIR LANCELOT: What is the quest? Gold

Fountain of Youth

Magic tablet

It's that thing Ahk is holding

It shouldn't be too hard to take it from him.

He seems well-toned and lean

but weak

It would be like taking candy from a feeble Egyptian baby.

No, we're not trying to take it, we're trying to fix it.

There's something wrong with it

It's kind of complicated

It might be less complicated if you stopped following a chimpanzee.

He's not a chimpanzee, he's a capuchin

The fool seems agitated

That's often his way

But I assure you, he's no fool

Is it true what he says

The tablet that you carry is magic

It is, indeed

Everything around you has come to life tonight for the very first time...

- all because of this tablet. - (SCREECHING)

ATTILA MUTTERING

Amazing

Then they're not real

They're as real as any of us

Yes, but we're real people

They're just things

And they don't even know

They must be unbelievably stupid

It can be confusing at first

CROAKING

Hello, frog

Keep hopping

You're real

Guys, I think we're gonna have to cut through Asia.

Not a clue

None

I can't really see much

We could jump down, hope for the best

But we have no idea what's down there

METAL CREAKING

We don't know what's up here, either

SCREAMING

CHATTERING

This is a Roman city

I can feel the familiar pull of history in its very foundations.

Where the heck is everybody

I've seen this town before, I'm sure of it.

Romans

I see you have the name of a lady on your arm.

Andrea. Yeah

So this Lady Andrea is your Guinevere

Does any man stand between you and your ladylove?

Yeah, actually. My dad kind of messed things up the other night.

- Nick. - Oh, we're stopping.

Let no man stand between you and your destiny.

Oh, "destiny" may be overstating it a bit.

We just have calculus together

It's more one of those

fleeting moments of eye contact

Who's gonna look away first

But I get you. No man

- Good. - Okay.

Iiepwop

Iiepwop

Doesn't ring a bell

MUFFLED SHOUTING

Now who's this son of a gun

CONTINUES SHOUTING

- (MUFFLED) Pompeii! - I'm sorry.

- I'm having trouble hearing you! - Pompeii!

No comprendo, amigo

because you got the thing in front of you!

- (CROWD CLAMOURING) - What are they doing?

Where in the blazes are they stampeding off to?

Was it something we said

ROARING

- (LAUGHING) - (ROARING)

Come on back to liepwop

- There's plenty of room! - Come on back!

They're as crazy as road lizards

People are strange

Oh

Hey, guy. We're just passing through

CHATTERING

- It's a Garuda from Tibet. - A Garuda?

Hi, Garuda. How you doing

Garuda! How you doing

Cool, great

Okay. We just

You know what? We just got to get through. I don't have time.

Please. Okay

CONTINUES CHATTERING

I'm not gonna play this game with you

I got to go through. Really

(WHISPERING) Get back.

- A dragon. - No, it's not a dragon. It's a...

It's a Xiangliu

Mythical snake demon

It looks like a dragon. I say we kill it.

What? No, it's asleep

You're right. It's not very sporting to kill it while it's asleep.

Let's wake it up and then kill it

I shall go first, and I shall take the boy.

What are you...? No! You're not gonna take the boy.

- Why not? - Because he's a boy!

Larry, there comes a time in every man's life...

when he must slay his own dragon

Not this kid, all right

He still hasn't finished all his thank-you notes from his bar mitzvah.

Anyway, that's just an expression

Not where I come from

He's not gonna slay his dragon right now.

- (SIGHS) - We're gonna go around it.

We're gonna go around now, or else we're gonna lose the signal.

Come on

Iiepwop

(MUFFLED) Pompeii!

Iiepwop. Are you sure you're reading that right, pal?

Hmm

Pompeii

RUMBLING

Oh

Pompeii

BOTH SCREAMING

SNORING

GROANING

- "Ask not what your country can do for you..." - Shh.

Ask what you can do for your country

There it goes again

SCREAMING

Attila! Shh

INCOHERENT JABBER

- Teddy! - TEDDY: Charge!

ATTILA WHIMPERING

Whoa

ROARING

- (SCREAMING) - SIR LANCELOT: Fantastic! It's awake!

Now we can kill it

A-ha

GRUNTING

Whoa

- Attila! - NICK: Dad!

- Nicky! - (GRUNTING)

I'll get the boy

GROANING

- Ever used a blade? - Only in World of Warcraft!

You're about to learn

GRUNTING

BOTH SCREAMING

WHIMPERING

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself!"

Doing a heck of a job, Brownie

GRUNTS

TEDDY CONTINUES JABBERING

MOANS

Behind you

Duck

SHOUTING VICTORIOUSLY

JEDEDIAH: Last roundup, kemosabe

Time to slap on the barbecue sauce, boy

Huh? What

ROARING

ROARING

No, no! You wouldn't

He must

Clear

SHOUTING

We must never speak of what happened here today.

Come on! That wasn't necessary

It's out

GROANING

These things really do save lives

CHATTERING

Are you all right

GRUNTS

Are you all right, my dear

- You okay? - Yeah, thanks.

You fought bravely, sire

One day, I promise you,

we shall drink dragon's blood from the Victor's cup.

I'm good with just, like, soda or water, too.

But I like the energy we got going

From now on, you must choose your own path.

And let no man tell you otherwise

We better let Larry know we're okay

Turn around

Larry's probably worried about us

How are we going to find them now

Lawrence

I fear we've turned a corner

I'm becoming wax again, son

All right. We'll look for them later

We got to get to Egypt now

Wait, shouldn't we keep looking for Jed and Octavius?

Nick is right

A true knight never shirks his duties

If we don't get to Egypt soon we're not gonna save anybody.

Dada say, "Stay

Stay

SNIFFING

SIGHS

Dada say Laaa no eat

Stay, Laaa

GRUNTING

SNIFFING

This is it

Perhaps I should accompany you in

No, I think we got it from here

- Really? - Yeah. No, we're good.

Right. Well

friends

Larry

clown-faced keeper of the magic tablet...

I shall never forget your bravery

Nor your jests

Bye

I shall not say goodbye

- I am. - What?

I'm gonna say goodbye. I have to go, I'm sorry.

I'll see you

Really, man, thank you

For everything

I haven't seen these walls for many a moon.

Ahkmen

Mother

Oh

SOBBING

Father

Welcome home, my son

I want you to meet my friends

I am Merenkahre

Pharaoh of the Nile and Father to the Son of the Sun.

And I am Shepseheret

the Glittering Jewel of the Nine Kingdoms.

And I am Larry

Guardian of Brooklyn

Yes

I actually live in Manhattan now

I know, but it doesn't sound as cool

Yeah

We would be very honored if you could take a look at the tablet.

There's something happening with it

We don't understand what it is

You are speaking with a pharaoh

Kiss my staff

Is it okay if I don't

You will show respect

I am the descendant of Ra, the sun god

I understand that and I totally respect you.

I just don't pray to Ra, so

The Egyptian gods are the only true gods.

Well, we try to stay a little more open-minded.

I mean, Sacajawea, she honors her spiritual ancestors...

and you pray to some sort of goat god, Attila?

I'm half-Irish, half-Jewish

You are? I love Jews

We owned 40,000 of them

- Such lovely people. - Here we go.

They were very happy, always singing with the candles.

Yeah. They really weren't happy

- Really? - No. They left.

They spent about 40 years in the desert trying to escape.

- Oh! - (CHUCKLES)

Yeah. We have dinner once a year and talk about it.

It's a big deal for us

Listen, could you take a look at that tablet?

There's something wrong with it

It's losing its power

Do you think you could fix it

To do that, I would have to divulge the secret of the tablet.

I promise we won't tell anybody

No

I'll kiss your staff

Too late

Father, why do you insist on keeping this to yourself?

The secret was to be passed down to you at the proper time.

Well, it has been 4,000 years

Now seems like a good time

You were born at midnight

I was Pharaoh

and I had seen wonders most men only dream of.

- But when I first gazed upon you... - (COOING)

you were instantly more precious to me...

than all the wonders of the ancient world.

I knew I could never bear to say goodbye.

I commanded the High Priest to create a gift to you, my son...

using all we had learned of the mysteries of the afterlife.

Forged in the temple of Khonsu, god of the moon...

- and watcher over nighttime travelers... - (CHANTING)

the Tablet of Ahkmenrah

Our tomb was designed to channel Khonsu's rays down to the tablet...

rejuvenating its powers every night

The moon god bestowed his power upon the tablet...

so that, as long as it bathed in his light...

our family could be together forever,

and not even death could part us

It's been away from Khonsu's light too long.

GASPS

My son

What is happening to you

It needs moonlight

otherwise we shall all be dead by sunrise.

Hurry

If the tablet dies

nothing can bring it back

PANTING

What are you doing

The tablet. Now

Wait, listen to me. That thing is dying

If it doesn't get moonlight

everything ends, like, for real

King Arthur wasted years searching for the Holy Grail.

To think it was a tablet all along

Would you just give it to me? You don't know what you're doing!

My quest is complete

I ride for Camelot tonight

Just keep it, okay

But just put it in the moonlight and turn that center piece.

Sorry, not my first quest

And by the way, Erik was much funnier than you!

Go get the others

We can't let him leave the building

Whoa! Easy there, partner! Slow it down

I don't know who you are

but I'm pretty dang sure that tablet don't belong to you.

- (CHUCKLES) - Now wait a second!

Come back here! This ain't over

You'll rue the day you mocked us with your huge sword

and hypnotic blue eyes

His eyes are very blue

Speak softly and carry a big stick

Lawrence, we have a problem

This one turned to wax as well

I have a saying, too

Speak loudly and carry a bigger stick

BOTH GROAN

- It's over there! - You mean up there.

Come on

Got it

- Teddy. - The tablet, now!

I shan't ask you again, fool

And this is giving me a headache

Give me the tablet

Let me go, Lawrence

No! Teddy, no

Teddy

There

GROANING

That'll be mine

Hey, that was a good one

No idea that would work

TILLY SNORING

SNORTS

LAAA GRUNTING OVER SPEAKERS

Larry

Hey, you guys, how you doing

JEDEDIAH: Still in one piece

- Octavius, I think this belongs to you. - Thank you.

I don't understand

Why is Lancelot staying strong while we get weaker?

It's his first night

Newborns are stronger but it matters not.

Unless we succeed, he, too, will be dead come the dawn.

LARRY: We can't let him leave the building

Sir, can you go back to Egypt, in case he comes through there?

- Of course. - Nicky, take Attila, check the loading dock.

- Got it. - Teddy, go to the South Wing, cover the side doors.

I got the main entrance

PANTING

- SIR LANCELOT: (SHOUTING) Hi-yeah! - (HORSE NEIGHING)

You! I knew you smelled a bit off

- Didn't you just see that? - See what?

The knight on the horse that just rode through!

Stop trying to distract me with your magical fantasy!

I found your filthy twin, here, in the freight room!

He's not my twin

I got him, and what could he say for himself?

IMITATING GRUNTING

- (GRUNTS) - Shut up! Shut up in your face!

Shut up right now! Do you want to be smashed?

Yeah, you can run, but if you leave those gates...

I swear to you, your hideous doppelganger...

who looks a lot like the lead singer of the Counting Crows...

will get it

(WHISPERS) Dada.

That's right

It compute with him

Dada

Damn it

GRUNTING

Laaa

If you see me do something dumb, don't imitate me, okay?

It's basically what I keep telling Nick

He just doesn't get it, you know

I mean, he's a smart kid

but I just want to give him the tools that I didn't have.

I mean, get the degree, then take a break.

Get the degree, then take a break

SCREAMING

Laaa! Laaa, stop that

Stop it

Okay

BOTH EXHALE

ATTILA SCREAMING

What? Excuse me! Hey

Hi. Hey. Sorry

I'm Nick, this is Dexter, Attila the Hun.

Oh, yes, so lovely to meet you

Now meet this hammer

Don't do that

I'm super sorry. I know it's a lot going on, Hun, monkey.

Wow, what? So much weird. Huge amount to process.

Right? Okay, sorry

- Thank you. - You won't get away with this!

I'm making sketches of you in my mind right now!

Boy with freckles,

fat Asian with hair extensions, evil monkey.

I guess it's just parenting, you know

And he comes from a divorced family

so I'm sure he has a lot of conflicted feelings about me...

and there might be some Oedipal stuff at play in there, or...

I get it

I wasn't there a lot of the time

So I think I might be projecting my own guilt...

and taking it out on him in ways

that I'm not even aware of

GRUNTING

What

Door

Head

Okay, I

GRUNTS

YELLS

Open

head

Open your mind

Yes! Yeah, well, you're right

That's the challenge

I mean, it's all contextual, and I do

I keep looking at him through the lens of how my parents raised me...

when, in reality, he's his own person

And, yeah, we share the same DNA

but honestly, he's much more evolved than I ever was.

I don't want to let my own ego and childhood history...

stop him from making the mistakes he needs to make...

to become the person that he's meant to be.

GRUNTS

Oh

Open the door with your head

Yes

- Good, Laaa. Let's go! - Ah!

- Everybody okay? - Yes, Lawrence.

Attila and your boy secured the lady guard in her booth.

I don't know how long it will hold her, though.

We gotta find Lancelot

but somebody has to make sure she doesn't get out.

GRUNTS

Yeah. Laaa, okay

You know what you have to do

Stay

That's right. Just make sure she stays in there.

- Stay! - Good! Go!

Dada say, "Stay

TEDDY: Lawrence

I can't move my arms

We're becoming less useful by the minute.

ATTILA GROANING

Whoa, whoa

Come on, big guy

What? You okay there? Huh

Something's up with your eye, but

SPEAKING IN LOCAL DIALECT

I don't know. It's just kind of going

CONTINUES

- You gotta relax, okay? - (SHOUTING)

Calm down

Attila! Attila

- Hey! - Oh!

Attila doesn't hyperventilate

REPEATING IN LOCAL DIALECT

You pillage

- You plunder! - (MUTTERING)

You don't freak out

- Okay? - (AGREEING IN LOCAL DIALECT)

Dad, there's, like, 8 million people in this city.

He could be literally anywhere by now

We'll find him

We have to

I'm coming, my love

ROARING

MAN: Blimey

He came this way

traveling 4 leagues per hour

- (LIONS ROARING) - (WOMEN SHRIEKING)

No

Never run from a big cat, Lawrence

JEDEDIAH: Gigantor, get your flashlight out!

These cats want to play

Whoo-wee! He's got it, boy

JEDEDIAH LAUGHS

Well played, sir

Run

Where the devil could Lancelot be

LARRY: Come on

You better let me out of here, you revolting ape-man!

What are you staring at? Stop looking at me!

Have you never seen a beautiful, attractive, gorgeous woman before...

who could be a model if she didn't love pizza so much?

I know what you're playing at

and it ain't working

Not working

Wait, it is kind of working

What have they done to Camelot

HUGH JACKMAN: (SINGING) In short, there's simply not.

A more congenial spot

For happily ever-aftering

Than here in

- Camelot. - At long last!

- Guinevere, my love. - Hi.

Can I help you, mate

It is I

Sir Lancelot

I have fulfilled my quest

Sorry. I'm sorry

I'm not actually Guinevere

I'm Alice Eve, and I think you got a bit confused.

- Maybe you saw me on stage... - Your voice is like music...

but I have no idea what you're saying

Okay. Hey

Hey, man. (SNAPS FINGERS)

Hey, buddy. Um

What she's saying is she's not Guinevere because she's an actor.

Okay? So am I

An actor

- Yeah. - Yeah.

You know

Do the crown

Oh, sorry, of course. Hugh Jackman

- (BOTH CHUCKLE) - (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

It was the crown

I know, the whole

Huge Ackman

- Uh... - That's a ridiculous name!

It doesn't even sound real

Only a coward would conceal his true identity, Arthur.

No, it's Hugh Jackman

I, on the other hand

carry the treasure you sought

- but could never find. - (AUDIENCE MURMURING)

Behold the key to life everlasting

Okay, I love the costume

I love the enthusiasm

but you're gonna have to get off stage now.

Sir Lancelot, ladies and gentlemen. Sir Lancelot.

Yes

Very good

Shame on you, Arthur

You don't deserve your crown, and you don't deserve your queen!

AUDIENCE GASPS

Prepare to feel the cold kiss of my blade...

Huge Ackman

Hey, buddy, this is all pretend

See, just

Well, that's not real

None of it is

It's not real

It was a good performance

- We were right in there. - You were tonight.

But it's not real-real

It's not real

Not real

Do you know how long I dreamed of Camelot?

SHOUTING ANGRILY

And for what? For nothing

- (AUDIENCE SCREAMS) - Jeez!

Nothing

No, no, no. Please just take your seats and...

MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS

What's up

We're just as God made us

Why don't you take a picture

It'll last longer

CONTINUES SHOUTING

Okay, I've tried being nice. That's enough.

Get off the stage right now

Stay back! You don't scare me

Huge Ackman

Listen, mate, you don't want to fight me, all right?

If we go, I will break you

Come on

GROWLING

What is that

What are you doing

He's doing his Wolverine thing

- Yeah. - (IMITATING GROWL)

- Yeah. - You know?

It's better with the claws and no shirt

Fair

Lancelot

Lancelot

MAN: Oi, mate

Hey, buddy, that's not an exit

HUGH JACKMAN: Yeah, come on up

Yep. Come on up

Oh, monkeys. Terrific

I love the costumes

Sorry. I just gotta say, you're the whole package, man.

Thanks, buddy

- He recognized you. - Yeah, that was awesome.

Hey! Give me the tablet

Stay back! Stay back

- Stand back! - Whoa!

Back

What

- (GROANING) - Your, uh...

Your nose, it's

What about my nose

Your nose is dripping

- What? - It's melting.

From the fire

SCREAMING

Okay

How bad is it

It is not great

But I'm Lancelot

There never was a Lancelot

Lancelot is a legend

You're not real

I don't understand

I know it's a lot to take in, but please, just give me the tablet.

Oh, and then what? Back to the museum

Stand there as little children ogle and point?

And learn

And get inspired to do great things

There are far less noble fates, my friend.

Not for me, there aren't

If there is no Camelot

there is no Guinevere and no Lancelot

then I'm nothing. I'm just a sad lump of misshapen wax.

Stop looking at my nose

- I wasn't looking at it. - You were, I saw you.

You were like this. "Hmm, hmm." Staring

- I wasn't like that. - You were!

Don't look at it

It really is hard not to look at

Yes, he is

Ah

- I didn't. - I saw you!

No, I'm looking at your eyes

- Monkey, stop it! - (CHATTERING)

Could you give me the tablet, please? Give me the tablet.

If you give me the tablet, I promise I won't...

Do not look at my nose

- Give me the tablet. - Look away.

- Give me the tablet. - How hard could it be not to look at my nose?

I'm not gonna look at your nose

I can't help it

Look to the heavens

(WHISPERS) It's disgusting.

Yet, he's still handsome

No one shall look at, or mention, my nose from this moment forward!

I'm sorry, I forgot what we were talking about.

ATTILA SHOUTING

Lawrence

Oh, Teddy

Larry

We've run out of time

Listen to me. You got to straighten the pieces.

Straighten the pieces right now or they're all gonna die!

You too

A world without Camelot is not a world worth living in.

SHRIEKING

Dad

Dexter, what is it

You all right

Hey

Hey, man, you okay

Hey, look at me

Yeah, you want to slap me? Go ahead

Go ahead, slap me in the face

Dex

Dexter

Dexter

Oh! No, no. No

Dexter? No, no. Come on, man

Dad, he's gone

I'll take that hand now

I understand now

The monkey was the quest

It was never about the tablet

It was about them

Forgive me

It is I who have been the fool

GASPS

We're back, baby

Lawrence

Whoa

Hey

Welcome back, buddy

WHIMPERS

Hey

OCTAVIUS: Well done, Larry

There he is. That's our guy

Come here

Here's your tablet

OCTAVIUS: It feels good, doesn't it, Jedediah?

JEDEDIAH: Boy, you said it

Hey. Thank you

How do I look

You look like Lancelot

Well done, my child

Thank you

for bringing my son home safely

It's a strange thing

seeing your boy become a man

There were lions chasing us

Hmm

Yeah, it's crazy

One day, they're riding a dinosaur through Central Park...

and then the next day they're DJ-ing in Ibiza.

You've served my family well

We shall build a great tomb and bury you with many riches.

I, personally, will see to it that your organs are removed...

and placed in separate Jewel-encrusted jars.

Thank you

SACAJAWEA: It's the right thing to do

TEDDY: Then we're agreed

Lawrence

may I have a word

Yeah

The others and I have been talking

Ahkmenrah's place is here with his family.

He must remain here

And the tablet should stay here as well, son.

This is where it belongs, Gigantor

Yeah, but it

That means you guys would have to stay

We belong in New York

ATTILA SPEAKING IN LOCAL DIALECT

Yeah, but if you

If you guys go, then you

you won't be alive after tonight

We're museum exhibits, Laredo

It's what we are

Folks come to look at us, maybe learn a little something.

That's alive, man

But I'm

I'm supposed to take care of you guys

And you have

It's okay, Lawrence

We're ready

I'm not

Let us go, son

Okay

Thank you for giving me back my family, Larry...

Guardian of Brooklyn

Dad, if we leave right now, we can still catch a flight...

get home with everyone still awake before the sun comes up.

Yeah, okay

Let's go home

Whoa

It's all right, Larry

We've reached something of an understanding.

- Really? - Trixey, sit.

Wow! That's really good

Good job, Lance

Thanks

Trixey, behave

Good girl

Steady

TILLY: He never even listens to me

But you

I just feel like you really listen to me.

LAAA GRUNTING

It's like our hearts are in perfect sync with each other right now.

- Um... (CLEARS THROAT) - Do you feel what...

- Oh. - Hi.

Sorry to interrupt whatever

is happening

Uh, Laaa, the guys are waiting outside. We gotta go. Come on.

What? No

No! Laaa, stay

I know this sounds crazy

but you and I could make a life together here in England.

GRUNTS ANGRILY

Whoa

Wow. Okay. Um

SPEAKING GIBBERISH

I will never forget you

REPEATING INDISTINCTLY

You are the most rugged man that I have ever, ever met.

SPEAKING GIBBERISH

Keep the scrunchies

Okay, Laaa. We gotta go

Come on

I won't say anything if you won't

Oh, I know you hate this job and everything, but tomorrow night...

best job ever

CHUCKLES SOFTLY

JEDEDIAH: Sure is quiet around here

OCTAVIUS: Without the tablet, it's just like any other museum.

You know what I'm gonna remember most about you?

What

How big you guys are

Come here

- (LAUGHS) - Come here.

Hold me

My

friend

You speak English

Okay

Hey, listen. Um

Up there on the roof, when

- When you almost... - (CHATTERING)

Yeah

I just want you to know

I really changed my perspective on everything.

I know we have a weird

We have this dynamic, we have this tension.

Back and forth

I mean, games, right? You know

Roles that we put ourselves into, but why does it have to be that way?

I feel like there's always been a mutual

sort of respect for each other

Anyway

I'll miss you, you know

CHATTERING

Okay. It's all right

Go ahead. One last slap

Yeah, I felt that was there for a long time, too.

(MOUTHING) Thank you.

Who would have ever thought

I'm wax, she's polyurethane

But somehow, it worked. (CHUCKLES)

SIGHS

I guess this is it

Indeed

And I know young Nick will do great things.

Yeah, he's, uh

ready to take on the world all by himself.

Then you've done your job

You've done your job

It's time for your next adventure

I have no idea what I'm gonna do tomorrow.

How exciting

Bye, Teddy

Farewell, Lawrence

- Bully! - (SCREAMS)

(LAUGHING) Got you!

Smile, my boy

It's sunrise

- Hey. - Hey. You good?

- Yeah, I am. - Good.

So, Ibiza

Yeah. Uh

The whole DJ thing, Dad

I don't know if that's the thing for me...

I just know that it's the next thing

After that, maybe college

I'm figuring it all out, you know

Sounds like a plan

I should get back to Mom's, or something.

Okay

I love you

I love you, too

All right

I'm not gonna let you go

(CHUCKLES) Okay. I'll see you later.

DR. MCPHEE: Three years, no Larry Daley

He was the one that took the fall for me, got me my job back.

I heard he went back to school, got his degree, became a teacher.

I'm very glad

Well, when he heard about this traveling exhibition...

Larry insisted that I deliver this to you personally.

Ah! The infamous, supposedly magic, glowing tablet.

Larry Daley and his fanciful tales

Larry said you could be trusted

What do you mean

(WHISPERING) With the top secret knowledge.

What are you doing

- I'm winking. - You're blinking.

No, I wink with both eyes

That's blinking

It doesn't matter, because right now

you better get ready

For what

For this

It does glow

Uh-huh

CHEERING AND WHOOPING

MUSIC PLAYING

Come on

MUSIC CONTINUES

Sorry

Go ahead

Have fun-fun, Dum Dum

CHATTERING

Ah

Stay

I'm not going anywhere

Stay

I'm not going anywhere

SCRATCHING

http://subscene.com/u/659433 Improved by: @Ivandrofly