Original subtitles

Hi there.

You know, you got a fair amount of blood on you there, sir.

Oh.

Huh.

Yeah, it's not even mine, it was just this...

Never mind.

Hey, listen.

I need you to take this thing off my hands, just make it someone else's problem, you know?

I mean, I thought my boys were gonna love it, but, uh...

Let me tell you, man.

They will not.

No, it's not a toy.

So, don't ever call it that.

It's a, uh...

It's...

Actually, I don't know exactly what it is.

Besides, it appears to be broken.

See, the drumstick seems to be stuck in the up position.

You do not want the goddamn drumstick to come down.

Okay?

Because when it does...

I promise you, we are all...

Fucked to hell.

Okay?

Well, sir.

Can't speak for you, but...

I don't feel especially fucked to hell.

Now, you infernal son of a...

I don't know if every father passes some secret horror on to his kids.

But mine sure did.

My name is Hal Shelborn.

This is me and my twin brother, Bill.

Well, this is us before everything.

Bill was the kind of kid that would say, shake on it, but then pull his hand back and pretend to slick his hair.

He was older than me by three minutes and ate most of my mom's placenta.

So that made him my big brother.

A role he took seriously and treated me like shit whenever he got the chance.

I didn't mean to tell you.

Mom says he hates you because you made dad leave and now she has to go on dates.

But I managed to love him anyway.

Even if I did sometimes fantasize about being an only child.

I hate you, Bill Shelborn.

My mom raised us on her own for as long as she could at least.

And my mom, well, I can remember her perfectly like it was yesterday.

Your father...

Well, your father went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back.

Just made like an egg and scrambled.

And sure, sure, I could have been one of his stewardesses.

But, of course, the deadbeat never took me anywhere.

He just brought back Swiss cuckoo clocks and bonsai trees.

Knick-knacks and souvenirs to stuff our closets full.

And one day, my darling boys, all that horse shit will be yours.

We know my mom thought it was a bunch of junk, but for Bill and me,

dad's closet was full of clues to who he was.

There she is.

Old deadbeat's disguise.

How's that thing from? Paris, France or something?

It says organ grinder monkey.

You mean life like dumb shit?

No.

Hey, give me that thing.

You think this does junk if I turn this?

Don't, Bill, it's dad's.

Dad's gone, fuckface.

And I'm his next of skin, so legally, everything in here's mine.

Stupid thing's broken anyway.

Don't come in our room, dumb shit.

Shotgun, obviously.

Christ, what's worse than a blind date?

I'd rather take my chances than kiss a goddamn frog and see what happens.

Okay, boys, no soda after you brush your teeth,

and no fires, and no video games because of the last fire.

I tried to tell him no fires, but he's...

Okay, boys, got only one roll for tonight.

Keep your hands off the hot parts of the table.

I'll try, but just a man.

Bill, knock it off.

Maybe an experience like that could have brought me and Bill closer,

but it turned out one freak tragedy wasn't gonna be nearly enough.

How is her head still together?

What?

Oh, fuck.

Oh, yeah, today we're here with Annie Wilkes,

gone by accident,

or rather in an accident because, you know, there's no accidents.

Is there a divine plan?

Sure, you know, maybe.

Call it a coin toss, you know, heads or tails.

But not Annie's head because that is separate.

That's a separate issue.

You know, why her, though, right?

Why Annie?

Why not you?

Or you?

Everything for a reason, yeah, totally.

And it is what it is.

It is what it is.

The word of the Lord.

Everything is an accident, or nothing is an accident, either way.

Same thing.

It's not if or even how.

It's only when everybody dies.

And that's life.

I'll die.

And you will both die.

And all of your friends and their parents and all of their pets and everybody.

Some of us peacefully in our sleep.

And some of us horribly, violently, tied up with clothesline

and screaming through duct tape over our mouths and all that jazz.

I don't try to save.

My heart say go, go.

Have a time.

I'm going to shake it out.

Going back.

It might have been on the day of a funeral, but that probably was the happiest day of my life.

It's funny how quickly that can change.

Hey, kid.

Your brother says your dad left your mom.

He went to Paris, France to buy cigarettes because you're a big, fat baby who cried all the time.

And, man, don't you moms deserve better?

I mean, don't she?

Oh, so I guess that means your mom will be wearing the pants in the house now, huh?

I think that's how it works, yeah?

Oh, but, see, you're wearing pants.

And two people can't be wearing the pants in the house at the same time.

So looks like you got yourself a bit of a pants problem, kid.

You know I don't go in there anymore since I found that stiff sock.

You didn't have anything to do with my babysitter's head, right?

That'd be like...

Yo!

You really got the hots for that thing, huh?

I don't.

It's all good.

You can have it, but all you gotta do is say you wanna marry it.

I don't wanna marry it.

Say, I wanna be Mrs. Stupid Monkey.

I wanna be Mrs. Stupid Monkey.

Now say, I wanna suck its banana.

No, Bill, no.

Say it or I'll eat the rest of your placenta, bitch!

I wanna suck its banana.

Alright.

We have a deal.

You can have the monkey.

It's because of you that deadbeat Bill did this to me.

You know who I'm talking about, don't you?

That asshole kid who lives in here with me.

That's Bill.

You wanna know something else?

I wish Bill was dead.

The doctors called what happened to my mom a boomerang aneurysm.

But I was the only one who knew what it really was.

They said chances of it happening were one in 44 million.

And that's just another way to say it has to happen to somebody.

And that's how it works.

You turn the key and the drumsticks go up.

They come down again when it chooses who it wants to kill next.

It doesn't take requests.

It kills who it wants when it feels like it.

And it doesn't owe you an explanation.

It's true what it says on the box.

It's just like life.

Son, perhaps it's best if you...

Shut up!

Hey, Mom.

Mom, wake up.

Mom?

Mom, that's a funny joke.

Mom!

You know, your Aunt Ida and your Uncle Chip...

never wanted kids.

No.

Always just kind of prefer to life where you sit down

and you don't stand up again until you want to.

Also, we're swingers, but...

oh, well.

I want you to know we're going to do our very best with you boys.

It's just that our very best might be pretty bad.

I put the pieces in a garbage bag and made sure it got on the garbage truck,

and I assumed that would be the end of it.

After that, Bill and I were never the same.

I mean, we looked the same because we were twins,

you know what I mean.

Aunt Ida and Uncle Chip picked up Bill and me and moved us to Maine,

and I guess I hoped we'd left the worst of it behind us.

They say everything can be replaced.

You gonna take off your suit, Bill?

If I take it off, then I'll have to put it back on as soon as there's another funeral.

But if I don't take it off, then I won't have to put it back on,

so there won't be any more funerals.

Why the hell did you bring it?

I didn't. I chopped it up.

It doesn't look chopped up to me.

I'm telling you, Bill, it's a bad monkey.

It's a bad magic killer monkey.

Think he killed Babysitter Annie?

Maybe. Probably. I don't know.

I'm just gonna marry that girl.

I know you would.

We should try it on purpose to see if anyone else we know dies.

No. No, we shouldn't. I mean, what if he gets one of us?

Then I promise to pretend to be sad when you're dead.

Yeah, me too.

You think he could kill the person who turns the key or not?

How should I know?

You think Mom turned it?

I'm gonna try it.

Don't, Bill.

It was a hunting accident, but not the usual kind.

Uncle Chip was trampled by a stampede of 67 wild horses

in his sleeping bag on a camping trip.

I overheard the Undertaker say that when they dumped the body out,

it looked like someone had dropkicked a cherry pie.

I don't mind much that Uncle Chip's gone.

He was kind of an asshole.

I just mind more that I feel pretty good it wasn't me.

But it's got to be done, you know?

To keep it away from the people who might feel really good about using it.

Like the Nazis and Russians and Iran keys and whatnot.

We knew that it couldn't be destroyed,

so we hoped that we could maybe contain it.

Just get rid of it.

Make it go the fuck away.

And for a long time, anyway,

it really seemed like it had.

I haven't seen the monkey since we threw it down the well,

but it feels like only a matter of time before it comes back.

This is me today.

I pretty much lost all contact with Bill,

and I'm good with that.

He was kind of an asshole anyways.

I don't have any friends, and I do my best to stay away from family

for fear that if the monkey returns, it'll kill someone close to me.

But staying away from family?

That's easier said than done.

Hey, Dwayne.

Oh, man. Come in, come in.

Oh, no, it's cool. I got to run early today.

I got to pick up my kid.

Wait, you got a kid?

Shit, man, that sucks.

Does he live with you?

Uh, no. No, he doesn't.

But I get to see him once a year,

so I'm taking him to horror heaven.

Yeah. Roller coasters, I guess.

Roller coasters, I guess.

Once a year?

Shit, man, that sucks.

I bet your ex-wife's some type of mega bitch, huh?

Huh?

Oh, no, the once-a-year thing, that was my idea.

It turns out I'm kind of a bad influence, you know?

Here comes trouble.

Who, you?

It's not like, you know, I beheld a pale horse,

and I beheld a pale rider,

and the rider's name was, you know, Death.

But, uh...

Yeah, there has been some death.

Shit, man, that sucks.

Feel that parental energy transferred from you to me.

Petey's been asking about you more and more, Hal,

and it's breaking our hearts.

About me?

What about me? Why?

Because you're his father,

and he's doing a family tree school project,

and like it or not, you're one of the branches.

Look, I care about Petey, I do.

Like, I...

I care about him a lot.

Like, a lot.

I care about him a lot. Like, a lot, lot.

Just now, when we were on the couch together,

I took your power.

Well, well, well, I never said you could take my power.

It doesn't matter anymore.

Ted has decided to legally adopt Petey.

What?

And once the adoption's finalized,

it won't be necessary for you to see Petey at all.

But you can't just do that.

He can't just do that.

As the leading expert in my field.

Can't I?

Listen, you and Petey have this time.

So just take the week,

lock in some nice memories,

and then cleanly cut it up.

Like a vestigial tail.

It's what you want, isn't it?

No, it's not what I want.

I want to spend time with Petey.

It's just, you know, vestigial.

It means something that has become functionless,

and as a result, is no longer necessary.

I know what it means, Ted.

I'm sure you do.

I do.

Well, I have your power, so.

Well, I peed in one of your bushes on the way in, so.

Now, this is the part where I suggest that we un-wrestle.

What? Un-wrestle for what?

For all the marbles.

And by marbles, I am, of course, referring to your little balls.

My...

Hey.

Honey.

Oh, Petey.

Hey.

Hey, buddy.

What are you guys talking about?

I didn't mean it reminds you of your dad.

Are you talking about the shit-eating grin,

or the hairy back and arms?

Did you ever wonder where he is?

Dad, I mean.

Baby, that ain't worth it.

But if you're really looking for an answer,

I'd have to go with either at a card table or under a hooker.

Oh, Sigmar, come on. Gross.

Hey, Boshobs, honey.

You want to drag?

But are you still thinking of selling that monkey thing

to the nut who never leaves his house?

The nut who never leaves his house?

I mean, have you ever even met this guy face-to-face?

Sounds like a real fucking pervert to me.

So, do you have any brothers or sisters?

Is that your family treason?

Gave it away.

So, brothers, sisters, yes, no?

No.

No to both?

Yeah, no, neither.

Only child, just like me.

And what's your mom's name?

What's your mom's name?

Lois.

My mom's name was...

Hey, I'm getting kind of late, darling.

I should get you some dinner, huh?

Only if you want me to, like, survive.

Don't.

How did you know how to reach me, Bill?

Haven't heard from you in, what, five years?

Haven't seen you in something like ten?

No, give me yours.

What do you mean, the police?

I have news.

Well, I guess she was kind of old.

Was she sick or something?

Well, actually, it seems...

Okay, and what?

Someone has to go through her belongings,

and you're the next of kin.

Technically, you're the next of kin, Bill.

And this is my week with Petey, so no.

What do you want, Bill?

It is at the bottom of a well.

Why would it be at Aunt Ida's, anyway?

You don't want Petey to die, do you?

What if I find it, huh?

What am I supposed to do, drop it from a fucking plane?

It'll probably bounce.

No, you never let it out of your sight again.

Presumably, you don't want Petey to...

Stop talking about Petey.

Why don't you vanquish it, huh, Bill?

You're smaller. You go.

Bill, Bill.

Fuck!

Oh, fuck!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Fuck!

Is that a leg? Fuck!

Petey, come on, we gotta go.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Petey, come on, we gotta go.

What time is it?

What the fuck?

Language, and we gotta go, all right?

There was a thing outside.

It wasn't a thing.

It was a woman, and either way, we gotta split, all right?

So come on, let's go.

It's the middle of the night. Are you high?

No, I wish, Jesus Christ.

Don't do drugs, I mean it, but come on, let's go.

Hurry up. I'm going to bed.

We gotta make like eggs and stuff!

Hey, Petey, uh...

Sorry about that.

It's just that my aunt died.

I gotta deal with a lot of her stuff.

Can I ask you a question?

I'd really rather you didn't.

How'd your mom die?

Is this your family tree thing?

Because usually family trees are about the who's and the when's,

not the why's and the, you know, how's.

Was your aunt the one that raised you after your mom died?

Uh...

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, she did.

Maybe you could, uh...

take me to your aunt's house with you.

I could help you with your stuff, and you could...

You're not coming with me, Petey.

Why not?

Because it's depressing, all right?

We were supposed to go to a theme park,

not into, you know...

darkness and death.

I know, but the adoption, huh?

Oh.

And so you can either just...

cut me off, you can cut this off,

or...

you can spend the rest of every little time that we have left together...

together.

I wonder which one Lois would have chosen.

What are you doing in here all alone now?

Or do I not want to know?

Just thinking, I guess.

Oh, yeah?

About what?

I don't know.

The future.

You got any advice?

Um...

well...

take care of your teeth.

And take care of your gut.

Take life as it comes.

You know, the worst thing you can do is try to force it.

But, really, I think that the most important thing

for you to remember is...

Hey, Petey, buddy.

Check it out. There's a place in town.

They do skydiving lessons.

I feel like it's one of those things where you're either really good at it or you aren't.

I'm gonna take one lesson to find out.

Hey, funny. That's, uh...

That's funny.

Yeah?

Well, you're kind of funny, too, huh?

Oh, and they do weddings.

Hey, uh, do me a favor, all right?

Wait in the car while I deal with this.

What?

No way. I want to see your old room like they do in the movies.

No, Petey.

Why not?

Just because...

Because I said so.

All right. Fine.

Then I have to go number two.

What?

Why don't you go to the motel?

There's a lot you don't know about me, Hal.

For instance, I'm one of those kids that can only go poo in a house.

Are you being serious?

It's a tough bet to lose, Hal.

Jesus Christ.

Hey. Hey, there. Sorry.

Oh, window won't go down.

Yeah, okay.

Hey, there. How are you?

Hi, I'm Barbara. You must be Hal Shelborn.

Your brother Bill Shelborn said you'd be coming.

Oh, yeah, right, right.

Hi, Barbara.

That brother Bill of yours is quite the character, isn't he?

Yeah.

Your brother Bill, I mean.

Yes, yes. He's quite the character.

Yeah. Wow, who's this little slugger?

Oh, this is my son Petey.

Oh, hello there.

No, thanks, Barbara.

I'm just a kid who doesn't buy many houses.

But I also didn't know that I have an uncle.

So, yeah, thanks for that.

It's funny, because I actually asked Hal here if he had any siblings yesterday.

But he flat out lied to my face.

But it's cool.

He's only going to be my dad for, like, a few more days anyway.

Because he's being swapped out for a leading expert.

Yeah.

Okay.

So, no card.

No card, yeah.

Were you and your aunt very close?

Sure, very.

All her stuff, I felt like she had more stuff.

Oh, well, we did have that estate sale the day after she died.

We had a great turnout, too.

Must have made over $100.

That would have been on Sunday.

Because ever since Monday, things have been a bit messy around here.

My aunt's, of course, was Monday.

And then Wednesday was Bert Bergersen.

And then Nancy Rizzoli.

But there aren't any Cobras in Maine, I mean, are there?

Well, there was the one.

No, every day since Monday, at least one Casco local has just...poof.

Sometimes two, or three, or four, or even five Casco locals have just poof and poof and poof!

Oh, great, yeah, I get it.

Could we look at the other closet? It's this way, I think.

Absolutely, follow me.

Poof!

You're fucking twins?

No, my mother used to always say whenever there was a plane crash, or a school bus going off into the river,

and mass fatalities, or what have you, she used to always say,

looks like God's bowling strikes tonight!

Oh, that's odd, I don't remember locking this.

Hey, you wouldn't have to remember if my aunt had a wind-up toy monkey at the art show.

Oh, no, I don't think so.

Oh, not a cherished childhood memory now, was it?

Oh, for...

I'm gonna go for that key.

Oh, don't rush out.

You are pretty, though.

You know what, I actually think we should go down and...

It looks like I did my own little process of elimination.

Yeah, everything's fine.

Yeah, everything's fine.

And you were just standing there, hands to yourself, is that right?

Yeah, that's right.

And you knew there was a gun in the house, or not so much?

Uh, no.

Okay.

I'm gonna have to ask you don't leave town until we can figure a few things out.

What? No, no, no, no, officer, I promised my son that I was gonna take him to horror heaven.

Actually, officer, we moved off going to horror heaven.

This is obviously far more important.

Smart kid.

Find a motel.

I'd say stay here, but it's a goddamn mess in there.

I mean, have you actually been up there?

It's like that restaurant.

Spaghetti City.

Hey, bud, you wanna go wait in the car?

Yeah, that's your favorite thing for me to do anyway, isn't it?

Just stay away.

Yeah, look, we're fine, but...

The monkey's not here.

And I'd had a goddamn yard sale, so it could've been, but now it could be anywhere with anyone.

Well, that's not good. That's bad.

Yeah, there's all kinds of shit happening in town.

People dying in not normal ways.

Police told me I can't leave.

Go to the motel. Await my signal.

Await your fucking signal?

Wait, Bill, where are you?

Bill, are you living in town?

Albin... Albin...

At the very moment you slipped from my fingers,

I suddenly knew the terrible truth about everything.

That my dumb shit brother had turned your key and killed my mom.

So I went back to get you as soon as I could.

But you were gone.

Leaving behind a sign for me and only me.

That one day, you'd be back.

And for the longest time, there was nothing.

A hundred percent, pure, medical-grade nothingness.

Suddenly, everywhere I looked, you were there.

As constant as the sun, the moon, and the stars.

As if you had always been looking down on me.

Letting me know what I had always wanted to be true.

That you'd come back to help me seek my revenge.

I returned to the places where I thought you might be.

Foolishly believing that I could make you appear again.

That it was I who might find you again.

So I made myself ready for your return.

Reworking my old childhood funeral suit in anticipation of...

Well, more funerals.

And so that I might once again bear witness to your terrible glory.

Fuck!

So I looked.

And behold, a pale horse.

And his name that sat on him was Death.

This is my king.

And now, here we are.

Together at last.

With only one thing left to do.

In your infinite wisdom,

I trust your flaming sword of righteousness

will cut the foul air

and smite the right person.

And I know you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Shit, man, that sucks.

Ah, it's Ricky.

What is it? I'm extremely busy.

Okay, yeah, so...

I hope this isn't weird, but I was wondering,

you know, if maybe I could give you your 15 bucks back

and instead I could just keep the toy monkey thing.

It's not a toy, don't ever call it that.

Right, yeah, no, I thought the same thing.

Does it hurt very much when you think, Ricky?

Well...

Uh, uh, uh, well, well...

Did you know that 27% of all English-speaking people

will either say ho-shit or holy-shit before they die?

Now, it's funny, because death is the one big thing

that'll happen to all of us.

And yet we still can't help but be...

Right on, man.

So anyways, I saw your brother.

He looks like you.

So, so, could I have it back?

Never. I'm...

You home or you at the factory?

You still got some of Barbara's blood on you?

Accidents happen.

Can I ask you a question?

Nope.

You ever killed a man?

Jesus.

Does Mom know?

No, I haven't killed anybody.

Of course I haven't killed anybody.

Look, when we get back to the motel,

I'm gonna call your mom, and I'm gonna tell her what happened.

She'll think I'm not safe to be around,

and she'll be worried.

So Ted will just adopt me,

and you'll never have to see me again?

You'll never have to see me again.

You're better off with Ted, all right?

Believe me.

Hey, Pete.

Well, I'm here if you need me.

You just do your thing in the bathroom, okay?

And if you want to have a talk,

we can have a proper talk, all right, buddy?

I don't know, maybe.

Come on, Bill, Mrs. Monkey.

I know you are, but what am I?

His arms aren't fucking long enough

or articulate enough to reach back there itself,

so somebody has to.

And also, no.

Jesus fucking Christ, Bill.

These are innocent people.

Look, I don't care about me.

All that matters is that Petey is safe,

so stop turning it.

You want me to stop turning the key?

No, I want you to turn it to me so he can turn it instead.

What? No, why?

The person who turns the key never dies.

You've known that since we were kids, haven't you, now?

What are you talking about?

Where are you, Bill?

If you want Petey to be safe,

all Petey has to do is turn the key,

and keep turning the key forever and ever and ever,

and Petey will never die.

Listen to me, Bill, all right?

Let me get Petey out of here, then we'll talk, all right?

We'll figure out what we're gonna do.

Either I keep turning the key, or you turn the key.

Call me back when you've made your decision.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Bill.

Hey, Petey? Petey?

Hey, Petey?

Hey, buddy, we gotta go, all right?

I gotta take you back to your mom.

Petey, open the door. Come on.

Jesus Christ. I have a heart attack.

Or do, you know?

If you want out of my life so bad, it might just be a nice shortcut.

Petey, what the fuck? Why didn't you answer the door?

Why do you care? Why would you even have a kid

if all you're gonna do is just keep yourself away from me?

I didn't exactly know what I was doing, all right?

I was just a stupid, dumb kid.

So I was an accident? Is that what you're saying?

Everything is an accident, do you hear me?

I was just a stupid, dumb kid.

I was just a stupid, dumb kid.

I was just a stupid, dumb kid.

It's an accident, yes!

Wow. Nice one.

Yes, it was an accident, Petey.

But you were not a mistake.

I'm so glad you're here with me.

You're very precious to me.

But that's why I stay away,

because I come with all sorts of weird baggage,

and I don't want you to have to deal with that.

Like what?

Like bad stuff, Petey.

Like...

stuff that I got from my dad,

and I don't want to pass it on to you.

What are you talking about? Like what?

Like...

Open up! It's the motherfucking police!

All right, all right, all right.

Shut up! Shut up and hands up!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just relax, all right?

Just relax. Relax.

Keys.

What?

Come on!

Okay, okay, okay.

All right, stop here.

Where are we?

Huh?

Where are we?

Where's your brother's house?

Where's the fortress?

Don't pretend like you don't know where we are.

I don't know, all right? We're...

You know, we're estranged.

Shit, man, that sucks.

Thanks.

Shut up!

Okay.

You!

You go inside, you make nice with your uncle,

you get me the monkey, and you bring it out, okay?

What monkey?

It's got a little red vest,

and it holds a drum, and I need it.

What does this guy know about a monkey, and I don't?

He doesn't know about the monkey, and he's not going in there.

Don't call it that, all right?

It's not. It's evil.

It's basically the devil, all right?

It's a toy monkey.

I was gonna tell you when you were older, okay?

You've been a goddamn deadbeat dad because of a toy monkey?

What the fuck?

Hey, language, and yes,

but that's why we have to get as far away from this place as possible.

Seriously, kid, you gotta hope that you get that goddamn monkey,

because I'm gonna shoot this guy.

All right, just let me go in there with him, please.

No!

There is a doggy door around back,

and your kid better hope that he's scrawny enough to fit.

You don't call the cops or do anything.

You get in there, you get me the monkey,

or I swear I'm gonna shoot you both like a lot of times.

He's not going in there.

Shut up!

All right.

Go.

Hell, this is some fucked-up shit.

I know.

So whatever you do,

don't turn the key in the monkey's back.

Kind of cool.

I guess.

You're not really a cop, are you?

Shut up. Of course not.

I hate cops.

My dad was a cop.

Still is, for all I know.

My mom said he was out chasing pussy,

but I'm all like, there's pussy here in town, you know?

But whatever.

He left, and that's why I hate cops.

But also they're cops, you know,

which is the best reason to hate cops.

What the fuck?

What the hell is that doing there?

Go ahead with your brides.

Hit it with my brides, okay?

Oh, gross! Shut it off!

Shut it off!

I'm shutting it off. Jesus.

I trust your flaming sword of righteousness

will cut the foul air

and strike the right person,

and only the right person.

Uncle Bill?

Petey.

What a nice surprise.

You okay?

Who, me?

Yeah.

You.

It's been a long time since anyone's asked me that.

Now that you mention it,

it was my favorite toy from childhood.

It's supposed to play the drums, but I think it's stuck.

Would you fix it for me?

It was your grandfather's, you know.

He brought it home from one of his trips.

He was a pilot.

And he was a Petey, too.

Did you know that?

Hell never tells me anything.

Of course it doesn't.

So this is it, then, huh?

The thing that messed everyone up?

How could it?

It's just a toy.

Why don't you try turning it, hmm?

Probably just need a different touch.

No.

Turning the key is just simply something

the shell-born men have been doing for generations.

A tradition, if you will.

But if it's not for you, then it's not for you.

What does it do?

Turn the key.

What happened?

You want me to back up?

No. No fucking way.

Okay, okay, okay.

Is it working?

Man, this stupid cop hat?

It's crazy itchy.

What?

Jesus fucking Christ!

Let's be careful with that pistol, huh?

Yeah. Totally.

Yeah, great.

Fuck.

Turn the goddamn key right now!

What? No.

Then give me the fucking monkey right now!

I'm not asking nicely anymore.

Do it. Kill him.

Kill my dumb shit, brother!

And do it now!

You strike the goddamn drum!

God fucking...

I command you!

Fuck.

The drumstick's still up, Petey.

Hell of dumb shit.

That's all you can say at a time like this, you fucker?

Dumb shit's what you are.

Fuck.

Fuck.

That's what all this carnage was for.

I could have killed Petey.

He could have killed my fucking son.

For what? Why?

Like the goddamn thing doesn't take requests, obviously.

I've been turning the key.

He held mine for days.

Nothing.

Listen, Bill.

It's not my fault.

It wasn't anybody's fault.

None of us deserved what happened to us.

It just happened to be there when it did.

Mommy?

I'm sorry, Bill.

Everybody dies, and that's life.

I'm sorry your mom died.

I know how you feel.

She was my mom, too.

I guess she was.

Never thought about it like that.

Innocent mistake, I guess.

Sure, makes sense, though, you know.

We're brothers.

Twins, right?

I wish we could have been there for each other when we were kids.

But we're here now.

What do you say, Bill?

Brothers again.

So what, you two are on some kind of road trip or something?

Yeah.

Kind of.

Father-son road trip, right?

Cool.

I would like to have done that with somebody at least once.

So come with us.

So Uncle Bill pretty much wiped out half the town when you grew up, huh?

You know, I get that everybody dies, and that's life.

But this is like everybody dies, you know, at the same time.

So, uh, what do you want to do now?

I guess we've got to figure out what we're going to do with the monkey.

We keep it close.

They accept that it's ours, and we hold on tight.

Hey, I just got an idea of what we should do right now.

Let's go dancing.

Dancing?

Yeah.

Like with our bodies?

Where did that shit come from?

Comes from your grandmother.

From below us.

Yeah, that's cool.