Original subtitles

The following program is brought to you in living color on NBC.

Some extra money for you in case you need it in an emergency.

Yeah, good, those four drovers'll want a little spending money

to whoop it up before they head back.

And here's the map with Remount plainly marked.

I really don't need a map. I can find it. But I'll take it with me.

From what I heard, you can sneeze ridin' through it and miss the whole place.

Don't you worry, brother, I'll find it.

Joseph, this wire's saying that Captain Price might be delayed.

If he is, you wait for him. Deliver the horses to him

and get the gold from him.

Don't you worry about a thing, Pa. I'll take care of it.

Hey, Pa, Little Joe with all that gold.

Don't you think I ought to ride along with him?

You have the calf count to make, Hoss. That starts tomorrow.

And besides, Pa would like to get the gold back.

What's that supposed to mean?

You seem to have a little trouble finding your way home.

That's what it means. Remember Hangtown?

Well, that little old creek flooded and wasn't no way

I could get across there with a rifle bullet, much less a horse.

What about Reno? You remember something happening in Reno?

That was an accident. I was standing on a corner and a fight started.

And you didn't have any money to bail yourself out of jail.

We had to go all the way there and get you out.

That's why Pa gives me these jobs. He knows who he can trust.

Joseph, get on your way and get back in time.

Yeah, I'm going, Pa. Don't worry.

All righty, I make it 52 horses.

I get 53.

Yeah, well, that's not countin' my horse.

I sure do admire that horse, Mr. Cartwright.

I don't blame you, Captain, but he's not for sale.

Well, 52 at $25 each, that's $1,300.

Yeah, that's what I get.

In gold, as agreed.

Here's your bill of sale.

Aren't you gonna count it?

I figure if you can't trust the US government, who are you gonna trust?

Even they can make a mistake.

Well, I'll give 'em the benefit of the doubt.

We could use a lot more like you.

Oh, and be careful. That's a lot of money you're carrying around.

Right.

Don't put your leg over that saddle.

Stand down.

Back away from that horse.

Go on! Get out of here!

You want that horse, mister, you better start running,

'cause he ain't gonna stop till he gets home.

Now, what made you do a thing like that?

To keep you from gettin' the gold.

It wasn't any gold I was after, mate. It was your horse.

- My horse? - Aye, mate. I lost mine this mornin'.

The ugly beast ran away while I was tryin' to lash a saddle to its back.

- All right, hold on. - What's that for?

You're under arrest. Leave the gun in the pocket.

Take your hand out slow and easy. Come on, get 'em up!

Nice end easy. Come on, up.

There's no gun.

Of course not. What do you think I am, a bandit?

Sure, you're a bandit. You tried to steal my horse.

- But I didn't steal it, did I? - But you tried.

- That's not the same thing. - Oh, the heck it isn't.

Well, since we're both afoot on the beach, we might as well start walkin'.

Hey, well, wait a minute, wait a minute. Where are we going?

Oh, a little town not far from here, name of Glory Hole.

That's where I was headed when the ugly beast ran away from me.

Look, I never heard of any place called Glory Hole.

Oh, probably a ghost town by now.

Ten years ago it was a boom town.

Somebody found gold. People rushed in.

The gold ran out. And when it did...

I went to San Francisco.

Was shanghaied the first night there aboard a British merchant ship.

Spent the next eight years seeing the world.

Now I'm goin' back to Glory Hole.

Name's Abner Willoughby, able-bodied seaman.

- Well, my name's Joe Cartwright. - How do you do?

So, you've seen the world, huh?

Yeah, I been all the way around, twice.

- What's it like? - Big. Only the people are small.

No matter who they are, what they look like.

They're only after one thing, your property, your money or your life.

It's hard to believe, isn't it?

You realize that some people would sink so low as to steal a man's horse.

Oh, wait a minute, Joe.

I'm not your common, ordinary, run-of-the-mill thief.

There's nothing common and ordinary about you, Abner, but you are a thief.

Anybody ever tell you you were stubborn?

Mm-hm. But they can't put me in jail for that.

- When do we get to Glory Hole? - Well, should be there before noon.

If we get an early start.

Shotgun Springs? I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere.

- Hmm. - This should be Glory Hole.

Yeah, well, I don't care what they call it as long as it has a jail.

Oh, now, be reasonable, Joe.

Since all that happened, now, we've shaken hands, broken bread together.

You wouldn't wanna turn your friend over to the law?

- Mm-hm. Yeah, if he was a thief. - All right, I'll buy you another horse.

- Will that satisfy you? - It all depends on what kind of horse.

- Any horse you want. - Any horse I want?

- Got a deal. - Okay.

- Yeah, that's a good horse. - $45.

- You got a saddle? - No.

I got an old one you can have for another $12.

Good enough. Pay him.

- Don't have any money yet. - All right, let's go.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Mr. Stokes, I talk to you for a minute?

$50 is as low as I go.

Did you ever hear of a town named Glory Hole? It's around here somewhere.

- Yeah, there was a town by that name. - Where?

Well, you're standing in the middle of it.

Glory Hole. What kind of a name is that for a respectable town?

- I know where I can get the money. - Rob a bank?

- What's the matter? Don't you trust me? - No.

All right, but I trust you, so I'll tell you.

I struck paydirt here.

When the gold ran out, I took the money out of the bank,

buried half of it here and took the other half to San Francisco.

That's what I'm coming back for, to dig up the money.

And you expect me to believe a cock-and-bull story like that?

If you want that horse, you better believe it.

All right, where'd you bury it?

What's the matter? Don't you trust me?

All right.

It's at the edge of town. That way.

It better be.

Now, the first thing we have to find

is a big rock with a cross cut in the face of it.

- A big rock, huh? - Yeah. But everything's changed.

There was nothing but tents here then.

What, no permanent buildings at all?

Oh, there were some stores and one brick building, the bank.

Hmm.

Hey, this brick bank?

That's it! All right, mate, that's it!

This way.

Now, that... the big rock should be right over there.

Oh, there. Just act natural, like we're out for a walk.

- There's no rock. - Should be right here.

It should be, but it ain't.

Lookin' for somethin'?

Yeah, we're... we're looking for a rock.

- Find... Find anything? - It's not there.

- Well, will this one do? - No, we're lookin' for a big rock.

Well, you'll find plenty of those just outside of town.

No, no, we mean a big, big one.

In that case, I'm afraid I can't help you.

No, you don't understand.

Was there a rock around here when you built the store?

Oh, you mean a big rock.

- That's what we said. - With a cross cut in the face of it?

- That's the one. - Well, yeah, I remember that rock.

We had to blast it to flinders so we could build the store.

You remember where it was?

Yeah, I think it was...

Uh...

I guess it... it would have been right about here.

- Why d'you wanna know? - Oh, no reason.

I just wondered what happened to that rock.

Now, from the rock we go 200 paces straight west.

Which way is west?

Uh, west ought to be about that way.

About? That's not good enough. It's gotta be straight west.

- Use your compass. - I haven't got a compass.

- How do you find your way? - I don't get lost.

- Everybody's got a compass. - Well, then, where's yours?

I should have thought of that.

Well, you were pretty close.

- All right, now, just act natural. - Mm-hm.

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine, ten,

11, 12, 13, 14, 15,

16, 17, 18, 19, 20.

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine, thirty, one...

Three, four, five, six, seven,

eight, nine, forty.

One, two, three, four, five,

46, 47, 48, 49, 50.

- Can I help you, sir? - Uh, yeah.

Show me something in a... in a 12.

Oh, I'll be with you in just a minute.

Where was I?

- Uh... 50. - 50?

- 50, 50. - 50 here. All right.

51, 52...

Oh, sir, you can't go in there.

- I'll tell him, dear. - Oh, thank you.

58, 59, 60.

- 59... - Here.

- Let me get that for you. - 60, 61, 62...

- There. - Thank you.

Oh, that's funny.

- What, dear? - Oh, nothing.

Three, four, five, six, seven...

eight, nine, thirty.

One, two, three, four, five...

Wait a minute, will you? Hey, Abner, will you wait a minute?

Nine, 140, one.

42, 143, 144, 145,

146, 147, 148, 149,

150, 151, 152, 153... 153.

- Just what do you think you're doing? - Shh. He's counting.

153.153.153.

- Hey! - I'll fix it for you.

- 57, 58, 59... - Yeah, I'll get this fixed up for you.

Good as new.

There we go.

There.

Don't you run off with that hammer!

Oh, yeah.

There. Thank you.

191, 192, 193, 194, 195,

196, 197, 198, 199, 200.

- That's it, huh? - Aye.

- That's where the gold is. - No.

Now we have to go 100 paces straight north to the sycamore tree.

That way.

That...?

All right, just... just act natural, like you're taking a walk in the park.

One, two...

That's it, just act natural.

Two, three, four...

Eight, nine, ten, eleven...

Oh, excuse... excuse me.

15, 16, 17...

23, 24, 25...

31, 32, 33, 34!

Did you lose count?

Five, six, seven, eight, nine, forty.

One...

49, 50, 51, 52,

53, 54, 55, 56,

57, 58, 59, 60,

61, 62, 63, 64, 65,

66, 67, 68, 69, 70,

71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76...

- Oh, excuse me, mate. - That's quite all right.

- Where was I? Where was I? - Oh, uh, 76, 76.

76, 77, 78,

79, 80, 81...

82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90,

91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98,

99, 100! That's it!

- That's where the money is. - That's where the sycamore tree is.

The money's buried 75 feet straight west of the sycamore tree.

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine, ten,

11, 12, 13, 14, 15,

16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23...

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine, sixty.

Minnie. Minnie, come on out here.

Come on.

65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70.

This is it, Joe! Five more feet.

What are you doing in my henhouse?

Well, uh, we were just...

We're, well...

- Out for a walk. - Yeah, we were just taking a walk.

- You always walk like that? - Like what?

Like you're sneakin' up on somethin'.

What would I be sneakin' up on?

A big, plump chicken?

Oh, no, ma'am, we didn't know there was chickens in there.

There are, and they're gonna stay there,

just as long as I can keep the coyotes away.

My ma used to be a trick shot artist with the medicine show.

She's good.

You two must be strangers around here.

Yes, ma'am.

- You married? - No, no, we're just good friends.

You hungry? I mean, I got dinner almost ready on the table.

Yes, ma'am.

All right, you're welcome to stay. If you'll stop calling me ma'am.

My name is Sprague. The Widow Sprague.

Oh, well, I'm Joe Cartwright.

Abner Willoughby.

OK. Come on.

This here's my ma, Minnie Mitchell. This is, um, Abner and Joe.

- Ma'am. - Ma'am.

A chicken thief ain't no better than an egg-suckin' dog.

Well, ma'am, look, we really weren't gonna steal chickens.

We were just...

Out for a walk. Lookin' the town over.

- What's there to look at? - Ma.

Come on in.

There's a basin right over there if you wanna wash up before dinner.

- Thank you, ma'am. - Thank you.

Ma, you leave them alone. You hear me?

I ain't gonna sit down at no table with a chicken thief.

Charlie, time for dinner.

Charlie, do you hear me? It's time for dinner. Come on.

I want you to meet somebody.

This is Mr. Willoughby and Mr. Cartwright.

- This is my son, Charlie. - How you doin', Charlie?

You wash your hands, Charlie.

Are you gonna be my new pa?

No. I'm just... just gonna have a little dinner.

- Oh, just sit anywhere. - Thank you.

Sure.

Here we are.

Hmm.

Chicken again?

So I figured I'd come back and see what the town looked like,

you know, see the old sights.

I used to camp right around here. That's what I was doing out by your henhouse.

- Oh. - Let me give you a hand with those.

Oh, no, no, it's all right. You finish your coffee. I can manage.

You know, I'm real sorry that I accused you two of stealin' my chickens.

But since my husband died five years ago, well, that's how I support myself,

with the chickens and the eggs.

And lately I've had an awful lot of trouble with coyotes.

The four-legged kind or the two-legged kind?

Both.

Four-legged kind, they don't know any better,

and the two-legged kind just don't care.

I noticed when I was out there

that the chicken coop was beginning to lean a little.

If you like, I could get in there with some lumber and brace it for you.

No, no, I prefer you stay away from the chicken coop.

I feel like I ought to do something to repay you for the meal.

Mr. Willoughby, you don't owe me for a thing, not... not a thing.

Maybe... Maybe I could clean it for you.

No, thank you, Mr. Willoughby.

- Well, I think we ought to be going. - Oh.

- Sure wanna thank you for the dinner. - Well, it's quite all right.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

A pleasure meetin' you, Mrs. Mitchell.

Ain't nothin' I hate more than a dog that sucks eggs.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, it's a pleasure meetin' you, Mrs. Sprague.

It's kind of nice to have a man around the table.

Well, if you're gonna be around for a while...

Ma'am...

Well, what I mean is, you're welcome to come back.

- Well, thank you, ma'am. - Dinner was just great.

- Well, where do we go from here? - I don't know. I'm thinkin'.

I reckon I can tell you where you're goin'.

- Right back in the house. - Who says so?

Well, Mr. Vinson said he thought he saw you boys go in there,

so I thought I'd come along and just tell you

that's where you're gonna stay for a while.

- What's this all about, Sheriff? - This house is under quarantine.

- What? - Smallpox.

Smallpox?

You're goin' the wrong way.

I never had smallpox.

You mean up till now.

Uh, look, could you send a telegram for me, Sheriff?

Sure. You write it out and I'll send it. Just slip it under the door.

Now, both of you, back in the house.

Back in the house.

We just... just ate there.

I... I need a pencil and a piece of paper, ma'am.

Yes, it's right over here.

- I'll... I'll get it. - What's the matter?

Keep away from me, lady!

- What is the matter? - Smallpox, that's what's the matter.

- Oh, that. - Oh, that? That can kill ya!

But there isn't any smallpox.

- What? - There isn't any smallpox.

Oh! Well, I gotta go out and tell the sheriff.

- He thinks you got smallpox. - No! No, no.

Look, you can't tell the sheriff.

Look, I can explain all this. You see... I owe the bank $300.

And they were going to come and take my house because I can't pay it.

So I made up the story about Charlie, my son, having smallpox,

and unfortunately they... quarantined us.

Look, lady, I'm sorry you have a problem,

but I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life in your house.

Look, don't you see, if you leave, if you two leave,

then he'll know that there's nothing wrong in the house, don't you see?

And then he'll tell the bank and then the bank will come...

Look, there's nothing I can do about it.

Wait a minute, Joe. Excuse us for a moment, ma'am.

I'd like to talk to you, Joe. Excuse us.

- I've got an idea. - Oh, good.

No, no, no, listen to this. We're here, the money's there.

We couldn't be closer to it

than if we pitched a tent right outside that henhouse.

Yeah, and how are we gonna get to it with Granny around?

That's a tough one, but I'll work on it.

Ma'am, we've decided to go along with your story and back you up.

Oh, that is very, very considerate of both of you.

What are you gonna do when the sheriff finds out

that Charlie doesn't have smallpox?

Well, I guess he'll have to come down with a bad case of the whooping cough.

Whooping cough? How long d'you think I'm gonna...

Now, I have a very nice room I can let you have. Cheap.

- Cheap? Are you... - And it will include your meals.

Oh, I hope you like chicken. I know 16 different ways to cook it.

Now, wait a minute. I'm...

Just a minute, Joe. We'll take the room, ma'am. Thank you.

Good. Right this way.

Sheriff?

Well, this is it.

Get this window open here.

It's... It's very nice. Very nice.

Ma, Mr. Cartwright and Mr. Willoughby

are gonna be staying with us for a little while.

I think I'd better get some clean sheets for this bed.

- Thank you. - Be right back.

No one's slept in this room since my husband went on ahead.

Oh, I'm... I'm very sorry, ma'am. When'd he die?

Oh, he didn't die. He just went on ahead.

Guess it was silly of me

to think that a man who traveled with a medicine show'd

ever settle down and raise a family.

- Oh, let me help you with those. - Oh, no, really, I can manage.

No, let me do it, please.

Well, all right.

- Dinner is at 5:30. - Thank you.

How am I gonna get into that henhouse, Joe?

I don't know. We got plenty of time to figure it out.

If I go in during the day,

that sweet little old lady's gone blow my brains out.

If I go in at night, who knows what'll happen?

Why don't you try something different? Go down and tell her the truth?

It's her property. What if she gets greedy and decides to keep it?

Don't judge everybody by yourself, Abner.

What's that supposed to mean?

You tell me everybody in the world is mean, ugly and greedy.

Well, I don't happen to see it that way. I think it's all in the way you think.

You happen to think mean, ugly and greedy.

I'm tellin' you what I saw, Joe, not what I am.

Well, how did you convince yourself it was right for you to steal my horse?

- That was different. - Why? Because it's you?

Was it right for them to shanghai me?

Well, what the heck has that got to do with you stealing from me?

Look, let's face it, Abner, the money is buried on her property.

- But it's my money. - All right, it's your money.

She might see it that way if you give her a chance.

All right.

I'll do that.

Mr. Willoughby, would you like a cup of coffee?

Thank you, ma'am.

- Sit down, Mr. Willoughby. - Oh, thank you.

You know, I'm real sorry about what happened.

Oh, well, that's done.

No, Mr. Willoughby, that is a lie, 'cause I'm not sorry.

You know, it'll be real nice to have a man around here to do for.

When my husband, Frank, was alive,

I was always complainin' about the chores,

washin' and ironin', pickin' up after him.

But when you don't have to do, it just gives you too much time to think.

I guess you must get used to bein' alone.

No, Mr. Willoughby, you never get used to it.

You just learn to live with it.

Did you ever stop to wonder...

About what?

Well, if there was any more gold around here.

If there was gold around here, there'd be men out there lookin' for it.

I don't know, that's the funny thing about gold.

Sometimes it has a way of being where you least expect it to be.

The same thing could be said for the men who are lookin' for it.

What if one of them men came back here and found gold?

On my land?

He'd have to fight me for it.

Well, wouldn't it be part his?

If it's on my land, Mr. Willoughby, it is mine.

- Now, that's the law. - Does that make it right?

The law isn't concerned with what's right, Mr. Willoughby,

only what's legal.

Now, the law says that the bank can come in here

and take this house away from me,

throw me, my ma and my little boy right out on the street.

Now, that ain't right.

But it's legal.

- Would you like some more coffee? - No, thank you, ma'am.

- Mr. Willoughby? - Hello, Charlie.

Are you gonna be my new pa?

No, I'm afraid not, Charlie.

Mr. Willoughby, is there something wrong with me?

You don't wanna be my pa?

Oh, no, Charlie, there's nothing wrong with you, you're a fine boy,

but to be your pa, I'd have to marry your ma.

Are you sayin' there's something wrong with my ma?

No, no, she's... she's a good, hard-workin' woman,

and she's pretty too,

but it's that part about gettin' married that bothers me.

- Would you have to? - Oh, that's the law.

It may not be right, but it's legal.

Charlie, you been listenin' at the keyhole?

You do a lot of that?

Charlie, listen, you better be careful,

'cause somebody could shove a broom straw through that keyhole,

and maybe puncture an eardrum or put out an eye.

Yes, sir.

Did you tell her?

Round about. I told her.

She said any money on her land belonged to her.

All right, Stokes. Thank you very much.

Oh, here, take this for your trouble. There'll be no reply.

All right, Stokes.

Hey, Pa, Joe's horse just came in. Saddlebag was in it.

- The money an' all. - This came in too. Read this.

"I'm in Shotgun Spr..." What's he doin' in Shotgun Springs?

Well, he says he'll explain when we get there with his horse.

- Where's Candy? - He's gone to the barn.

Better saddle up our horses while I put this money in the safe.

Joseph had better have a pretty good explanation.

Knowing Joseph, he will.

The only reason I wanna go along, so I can hear it firsthand.

See who that is, will you?

Hey. Hey, Abner, will you get that?

- There's someone in the henhouse. - Are you sure?

Yes, yes, and I thought maybe you and Mr. Willoughby

better go down and take a look.

Yeah. Why don't we let Abner sleep? He's had a very hard day.

Any man who'd steal from a widow woman don't deserve to live.

Let me borrow that. I'll take care of it.

It's really a man's work, don't you think?

Well, just remember you don't have to aim that gun.

Just point it and pull the trigger.

Yeah, I... I can see that. Why don't you two get some sleep? Go on.

Ma, you go back to bed.

- What are you doin' out here? - Savin' your life.

Grandma was about to come out and blow your brains out.

- Did you find anything yet? - There's nothin' here to find.

- Well, you sure this is the right spot? - Dead sure. I paced it off again.

75 feet straight west from the sycamore tree is right here.

Joe?

- Is everything all right? - Oh, yeah, just fine.

Probably just an old dog runnin' around somewhere

got the chickens stirred up a little bit.

I'll get 'em calmed down, be inside.

- You're sure? - Oh, yeah, fine.

OK.

You sure this is the right spot? Maybe you didn't dig deep enough.

I know how deep I buried it. It's not here.

Let's get the hole filled in.

Might as well.

- What are you doin' here? - I heard a noise.

- I was just out for a walk. - Why didn't you use the door?

Uh... I... I didn't wanna disturb anyone.

Charlie, I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention this to anyone.

It'll be our secret. OK?

OK. If you take me fishin'.

- Are you a good fisherman? - I don't know.

I never had anybody take me.

Well, if you can manage one healthy day

between the smallpox and the whooping cough,

I'll take you fishing, all right?

Are you a good fisherman, Mr. Willoughby?

The very best. Now, get to bed.

Well, the whole evening wasn't a total loss.

- Joe. - What?

Joe, wake up.

I know where the gold is.

- What? - I know where the gold is.

- Where is it? - They've got it.

- Who's got it? - Them?

Who's them?

The Widow Sprague and her mother, the old lady.

Oh, come on, Abner.

If they had the money, why wouldn't they just pay the rent

and forget all the smallpox business?

That's a good question.

Yeah.

Goodnight, Abner.

Goodnight, Joe.

Joe. Joe. I have it.

Abner, you can't have it. They were lying when they said Charlie had it.

No, no, I'm not talking about the smallpox. I'm talking about the gold.

I told you, Abner...

Will you listen to me for just a minute? I think I've got it figured out.

Now, supposing, just supposing...

that they found the gold.

Now, being greedy, they weren't satisfied.

That's when they made their decision.

What decision?

That's what I haven't figured out yet.

Goodnight, Abner.

Goodnight, Joe.

Oh, Charlie, please don't whittle in the house.

Ma, can I get over the smallpox now?

No, not yet, dear.

- Well, good morning, gentlemen. - Morning, ma'am.

- Did you sleep well? - Yes, ma'am, till the rooster woke us.

Well, Mr. Willoughby said he'd take me fishin'.

- He did? When did he tell you that? - Last night.

It's funny to look out the porthole

and not see everything going up and down and up and down.

You know something, Mr. Willoughby, you're really a very nice man.

Feel the deck firmly planted, not shiftin' under your feet.

- Have many people told you that? - What's that?

That you're a very nice man.

No, most people have the opposite opinion.

- Does that bother you? - No, saves me a lot of trouble.

People don't think I'm nice, they don't expect anything from me, you know.

Like expecting to be taken fishing?

Well, I mean anything.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Willoughby, but I still think you're a very nice man.

I don't mind, as long as you don't expect anything from me.

I expect you to take me fishin'.

- Well, I told you I would, didn't I? - Can I, Ma?

- No - Just for one day.

No, no, no, and that is final, Charlie.

Oh, please stop whittling in here. Now, go in and help Grandma. Go on, go on.

You know, Mrs. Sprague, it's none of my business,

but I think it was wrong of you

to include your boy in that lie about the smallpox.

Well, you're right on both counts, Mr. Cartwright.

It was wrong and it is none of your business.

It's the only way I could keep a roof over his head.

Wasn't there any other way you could raise the money?

I tried, I really did, but I got behind in payments

and, well, Mr. Vinson just wants this land real bad.

- He has for a long time now. - Well, why this piece?

Well, there's a story going around

that a miner buried a fortune around here years ago, you know,

and took off and never came back.

- Is that a fact? - No, it's not a fact.

He just believes it is.

Look at him. There he is right now.

Every morning on his way to work,

he stands underneath that sweetgum tree

and just stands lookin' at the house.

- Sycamore tree. - Sweetgum.

- Sycamore. - Sweetgum.

Sweetgum?

We cut that sycamore tree down a long time ago.

- Where was it? - What?

- The sycamore tree. - Out by the back of the house.

- The back of the house? - What? For heaven’s sake, Mr...

Back of the house!

What in the world is the matter with you? I told you...

Where is it? Where is it?

- Where? - There.

Oh, oh.

This is it. This, this.

- You sure? - Positive. This is it.

One, one, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten...

- One, two, three, four, five... - Hold it, hold it. Hold it.

- Five. Five. - Wait. Wait.

Here.

Five, four, four. Four.

Three. Three. Three.

Four...

five, six, seven,

eight, nine.

Two degrees. Two degrees to port.

- Port. - Port. Port!

Your other port. Your other port. Port.

- Now where was I? - Uh... Eight.

Eight? Eight.

Eight, nine, ten, eleven.

Oh. 12, 13...

One, two, three, four, five.

Get a shovel.

Seven, eight, nine, seventy.

One, two, three.

Five! This is it! Joe, Joe, give me the shovel.

There you go.

I'm sure it is.

Hey, you're not allowed to dig on this land.

Keep away from me or I'll give you the smallpox.

This is going to be my land and you're not allowed to dig on it.

Charlie, go shake hands with that man.

You... You just stay away from me, boy.

You hear me? You get away.

You're trying to kill me.

I'll get the sheriff!

This is it, Joe. Here it is. Just like I left it. Everything's here.

- Willoughby, I can't thank you enough. - For what?

- For finding the money for me. - It's my money.

It was on my property. It belongs to me.

- Over my dead body. - If that's the way you want it.

OK, all right, all right, Granny.

Here.

Mean, ugly and greedy. It's not just me, Joe, it's everybody.

Why, Sheriff, you can come right on in.

You know, as it turned out, Charlie didn't have smallpox after all.

Thank you.

Are you... Are you sure it's all right?

Oh, yes, I'm very sure. It was just a rash.

All right, Sheriff, you can serve the papers.

Never mind, Sheriff.

It just so happens that I have the money.

- Go out and play, Charlie. - Oh, Ma.

Charlie.

- And here is your money. - That's my money.

- It was on my property. - I put it there.

- Is that true? - Probably.

But it doesn't make any difference, because it was on my property.

Well, my claim was here when I buried it, Sheriff.

That means it's mine, doesn't it?

Well, that's not for me to say. Gonna have to let a judge decide that.

Till he gets here, it kind of looks like I'm gonna have to look after it.

Which means that she doesn't have the money to pay off the loan.

Serve the paper, Sheriff.

I'm gonna have to, Mrs. Sprague.

And since this is going to be my property

by the time the judge gets here,

I've got a claim on the money that's in that box.

No, you don't Mr. Vinson. It belongs to Mr. Willoughby.

He put it there. It's his.

Then you're giving up your claim to the money?

Yes.

Just a minute. I've got a claim on that money too.

No, you haven't, 'cause I haven't served the papers yet.

Then do it.

All in good time, Mr. Vinson. All in good time.

Mr. Willoughby, here's your money.

Well, it... it was on her property.

She says it's yours.

Well, no, no, no, no. It's... She's wrong. It's hers.

Then you're saying it's not yours?

Yeah.

All right.

Sheriff, I'd really like to take it, but it doesn't belong to me.

- I'm saying it does. - But everybody knows it doesn't.

Not really.

Abner, take the money.

Come on.

Aye.

All right, Sheriff, serve the papers.

How much does she owe you?

- $300. - $300?

- Yes. - All right. There's 100.

There's 200. That's 300.

Mortgage.

Mr. Willoughby, I can't take your money.

I'm not givin' it to you. I'm just buyin' the mortgage.

You owe me $300, Mrs. Sprague, and I'm not leavin' till you pay me.

We don't need you anymore.

Not till next time, when you need more money. Ladies.

Could have sworn that was smallpox.

Joe, you were right. I owe you a horse and an apology.

Both accepted.

- You mean that's all there was? - I never claimed there was much.

It's just all I had.

Charlie, get your pole. We're goin' fishin'.

- Yes, sir! - Charlie can't go fishin' now.

He's got his chores to do. And he has to feed the chickens!

- You feed the chickens. - I can't. I have to go fix dinner.

Then tell Granny to load her bullets full of bird seed instead of buckshot

and blow it out at the chickens, 'cause we're goin' fishin'.

- How'd you know I was usin' buckshot? - 'Cause I been to the big city, Granny.

I've seen the elephant.

- Yes? - Hello, ma'am.

Is there a Joe Cartwright here?

Well, yes, there is. Would you like to come in?

Thank you.

- Hi, Pa. - Joseph.

Mrs. Sprague, this is my father, Ben Cartwright.

Well, how do you do?

- My brother Hoss, and that's Candy. - How do you do?

- This is Abner Willoughby. - How do?

- How do? - Oh, and Mrs. Mitchell.

- Yeah. - Mrs. Mitchell.

Joseph, there are a couple of things I'd like to talk to you about.

Yeah. Did my horse get home all right?

Yes, horse got back all right. That's one of the things I want to talk about.

- Why don't we talk on the way home? - We'll talk about it now.

Now.

If there's somewhere round here we can speak privately?

Oh, you just go right ahead, right here.

I have to get my chicken ready for dinner.

Come on, Ma.

Come on, come on.

What's she got that gun out for?

Oh, she's gonna feed the chickens.

- Now, Joseph, I want... - I'll explain. I'll explain everything.

Now, I went and I got the money like I was supposed to.

Started on back to the ranch. That's when I ran into these bandits.

Bandits? There was just one.

- That's when I ran into this bandit. - He was a mean, ugly, greedy man.

- And big. - Not so big.

- Well, he was medium big. - About my size.

- Were you there? - Every minute.

You mean the two of you together couldn't have taken care of one man?

Well, we weren't together. I was the bandit.

Yeah. He was the bandit.

You were the mean, ugly, greedy man?

Aye, sir. But, you see, I didn't know it at the time.

I thought I was just like everybody else.

Joseph, you'd better explain this to me on the way home.

Yes, sir.

Look, I got my horse back. I don't need another one.

- You might as well take this. - Oh, thanks, Joe.

You know, Abner, you're not all good and you're not all bad.

I guess you are just like everybody else.

- Good luck, man. - Thank you, Joe.

- You ready to go, Mr. Willoughby? - Any time you say, Charlie.

Any time you say.

Mr. Willoughby, are you gonna be my new pa?

Don't whittle in the house, Charlie.