Original subtitles

The following program is brought to you in living color on NBC.

Ben, you're sure we can get back in at least two weeks now, ain't you?

Oh, of course. Quit worrying, Roy.

The San Francisco court has the trial scheduled.

Shouldn't take more than a couple of days, not with your testimony.

I'm always glad to help out, you know that.

Especially as you're paying all expenses!

Yeah, well, this will be worth it just to get those timber sharks behind bars.

I know what you mean.

Hiram!

Where in the blazes is that westbound stage at?

Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The, the uh...

the stage... stagecoach.

Well, it's late... Oh.

Oh, don't tell me something I already know.

- What's got into you, anyway? - Huh?

You're as nervous as a polecat in a perfume factory.

Here she comes, Roy!

A lovely town, eh, Fairfax?

- If you say so, sir. - I do say so.

- May I assist you, ma'am? - Thank you kindly.

- Hoss! - Ah, Pa, how are you?

Pa, I'd like you to meet Mr. Forbes. Mr. Forbes, my Pa, Ben Cartwright.

A pleasure, Mr. Cartwright, a great pleasure.

- Mr. Forbes. - Pa, this is Miss Cissie Summers.

How do you do?

Miss Summers.

There is an adequate hostelry?

- Hm? - Oh, of course, of course.

- Just up the street, the Palace Hotel. - Thank you.

- Fairfax! - Coming, sir.

A fine fella, fine gentleman indeed.

Oh, no finer than you, Mr. Cartwright.

The way you protected me against that uncouth lout!

There was to have been someone to meet me, a Mr. Peabody, Hiram Peabody?

Oh, Hiram? Well, ma'am, he ain't far away.

He's right behind you, right there in the stage office.

He is?

Yeah!

- Right in there? - Right in there.

Oh, dear.

I'm sorry to do this to you, Ben, but I can't go after all.

What do you mean you can't go with me?

Without you there I don't stand a chance of winning the case.

I want to go, but I just can't leave this town without any law.

Well, you hired that deputy from Placerville, didn't you?

I ought to know, I'm paying his salary.

You're supposed to be paying his salary, and he's supposed to be on this stage.

But he ain't. He let me down.

Because of that you're gonna let me down.

Ben, I don't want to, but I have no choice.

With Clem out of town, there's no other sheriff to watch over things.

I think I got the answer, but I gotta ask one more question.

His name, by chance, wasn't Roscoe Willard, was it?

Do you know him?

Well, we, uh...

We became briefly acquainted, yeah, Pa.

Got a little brisk there toward the end.

Last time I seen him, he was walking back to Placerville.

He wasn't in too good a shape.

Well, that's fine. Oh, that's real fine, Hoss.

I'm not about to ask the why or wherefore,

but because of what happened, whatever it was,

Sheriff Coffee can't go with me to San Francisco,

and I stand to lose a rather considerable sum of money

to a bunch of timber thieves.

And you beat up on Roscoe Willard.

I guess he ain't as tough as his reputation makes out to be.

Oh, he's tough all right, Roy,

but when my ire gets all worked up, I...

I reckon I was a match for him, all right.

Yeah, you're a match for him.

Yeah.

Yeah, you would be a match for him, wouldn't you?

Roy?

Yeah. Hoss, raise your right hand, please.

Aw, wait a minute now, I ain't gonna be no sheriff, Pa.

- Raise your right hand. - Aw, Pa...

Raise your right hand.

- Pa, I... - Raise it.

I do.

Mr. Cartwright!

I didn't know you were sheriff of Virginia City.

I didn't either, Miss Summers. I didn't either.

Hey! Did you find Hiram?

No, I didn't. He's not in his office like you said.

Well, that's funny.

Well, no need to fret. He's around here someplace.

Old Hiram's one of our most dependable citizens.

Well, I knew he would be. Do you know him well?

Hiram? Oh, shucks, ma'am!

Everybody in town knows Hiram. Fine fella.

He don't drink or cuss or do none of them bad things.

Goes to church every Sunday, sings in the choir, second tenor.

You don't know how good you make me feel, Mr. Cartwright.

I mean, Sheriff!

You see, I just wouldn't marry him if he weren't all those things you said.

Marry him?

You and...?

You and old Hiram? You... You gonna get married?

Ha! Well, I'll be dad-burned. You talk like you ain't even met him!

I haven't exactly!

Oh, no, we've corresponded for over a year,

and one thing led to another

and finally he wrote to me and asked me to come west and be his wife!

He's a mighty lucky fella, ma'am.

But where can he be?

Aw, he's... probably just gone on an errand or something.

He'll be back directly.

I'm so anxious to meet him.

In the meantime, I'd best get a hotel room.

- Would you help me with my luggage? - Oh, sure thing, ma'am.

- Which one of these is yours? - All of them!

All of them?

I can certainly see why they made you sheriff, Mr. Cartwright.

Yeah.

I bet nobody'd ever try to put anything over on you.

It ain't too easy!

Well, Mr. Cartwright, I didn't know you were sheriff of Virginia City!

Mr. Forbes, I wasn't until just a few minutes ago.

Remember that big fella on the stage? Well, never mind.

I want you to meet some gentlemen.

This is Mr. Green, and this is Judge Franklin.

This here's my little brother, Joseph, and this is Candy.

This is Mr. Forbes. He came in on the stagecoach.

Cattlemen, ranchers. I'd have known it even if Mr. Cartwright hadn't told me.

And you two are gentlemen of commerce.

- You, sir, finance. - Why, yes. I happen to be a banker.

Yes, I know. You have that look, integrity.

- You're a merchant? - Why, yes.

I am a judge but I also own the Virginia City Mercantile. How did you know?

Ah! My little secret, sir. Bartender!

Round for the house, and a bottle for me, the finest.

What brings you to Virginia City, Mr. Forbes? Business? Pleasure?

Oh, a bit of both, a bit of both.

It's certainly nice to have you here.

It's an honor to have a gentleman of your quality visit Virginia City.

Thank you.

- Clumsy dolt! - I'm terribly sorry.

Uh, gentlemen, I must ask you to forget what you have just seen!

Hm. Of course.

I've been asking all over town. Nobody's seen Hiram.

His office is locked up. You've got to help me.

- Uh, me, ma'am? - Well, you're the sheriff, aren't you?

Yeah, I reckon I am.

I don't feel very sheriffy at the moment, though, Miss Summers.

Oh, call me Cissie. I'd feel much more comfortable, Sheriff.

Well, just call me Hoss. So would I, ma'am.

Then, you'll do something? You'll help me?

Ma'am, there ain't no use in getting all frazzled up.

Old Hiram's probably just out running an errand in town somewhere.

Oh, Sher... I mean, Hoss!

You're just a big old fuzzy bear when it comes to boosting a girl's spirits!

Now, look, Miss Summers, Cissie, I...

Why don't you just run on back to the hotel and I'll round old Hiram up

and get him all spruced up.

I don't care about that. I just want to meet him.

His letters were so strong.

Just reading his wonderful words, I knew he was my man!

Yeah, well I'll round him up for you, ma'am.

I'm going to insist that Hiram choose you as his best man. That's a promise.

Aw, thank you, ma'am.

Good day.

Phew! That was close!

Hiram! What in tarnation are you doing under there?

Well, I was waiting here for you,

and when she come in I just barely made it into the desk before she saw me.

Oh, my! What a narrow escape!

Hiram! That little Miss Summers is a sweet little lady.

If I thought for one minute that you were fiddling around...

I swear, Hoss, I didn't!

It was just so easy to write all them letters!

Oh!

Overdid it, huh? Told her you were six-two?

Six-three! And rich! And handsome!

And that's why you're hiding from her?

I'm weak and paunchy!

Besides, I'm not ready for marriage!

Babies! Diapers! Responsibilities!

Yeah, all bridegrooms are alike. You'll get over it.

There's only one way out of this. You've got to put me in jail.

If she thinks I'm a criminal, she won't have nothing to do with me!

Oh, Hiram! You a criminal, in jail? Why, that's ridiculous!

My job is putting people in jail that are real criminals,

that really break the law!

All right, then! Then I'll just have to break the law.

And I can't think of a better way to start than by attacking the sheriff!

Now, you put up your dukes!

Aw, Hiram!

Hiram!

No doubt now, is there, Judge?

You'll notice it's my property they're looking over.

Ah, drat! I wish I'd bought it from you last year

when you was offering it to me for 5,000.

Don't suppose that offer is still open, is it?

No, the price has just gone up.

Way up!

I'm a ring-tailed coyote and it's my day to howl!

Hiram.

Lock me up, Sheriff, before I shoot somebody!

He coulda blown our heads off. Look at the damage he's done.

- He'll pay for it. - You bet he'll pay for it.

Give him 30 days to think about it!

I'm the sheriff, and I'll decide what's gonna be done with him.

I'm gonna take him home, pump some coffee down him

and give him some talking to.

Talking to? What kind of a sheriff are you?

I demand that you punish this, this... this boob!

So do I, and I know my rights!

Of course you do, Hiram. Come on!

I ain't going home, and you can't make me.

- Hiram, I'm sure gonna try! - Hey!

- Here, Hiram. - Huh?

Gulp that down, then go home and sleep it off!

I'll make up some excuse to Miss Cissie.

You bring her in here now!

Let her see what a no-good drunken bum I really am!

She'll go home a wiser girl!

Hiram, things will appear a lot differently tomorrow

after you've shaped up, and you're gonna shape up!

Cause you're gonna meet her tomorrow, whether you like it or not!

Meet her tomorrow?

But Hoss! Wait! I'm not gonna like it!

Oh, gee! I'm sorry, ma'am.

I was reading the paper and didn't see your parasol there.

Oh! Oh!

Are you looking for someone?

Oh, you must be...

Joe, yeah.

Joe?

Yeah. My friends call me Little Joe.

Huh?

Oh, let me take that for you.

- Sheriff! Sheriff! - Hey!

- Hey! - Sheriff!

Sheriff!

Sheriff!

Sheriff! Sheriff!

Sheriff!

Sheriff!

Sheriff...! Please will you arrest this masher?

Ma'am, that ain't a masher. That's my little brother, Joseph.

Now, give her back her umbrella, Joe!

Well, he certainly is forward!

Yes, ma'am, he is. Sometimes so much so he falls right on his face,

always putting his mouth in his foot!

- That's "foot in his mouth." - Well, you'd know about those things.

Anyhow, Joseph, this is Miss Cissie Summers.

- She's engaged to Hiram Peabody! - It's a real pleasure to meet you.

Well, you're forgiven, Mr. Cartwright.

Oh, thank you.

I can't stay mad at the brother of my big old fuzzy bear sheriff!

Uh... did you say, "big old fuzzy bear"?

Just cut it out, Joe. That's enough. Cut it out!

Don't worry. I'm not gonna tell anybody.

Just a few close friends, five or six, Pa, Candy.

See ya, Fuzz!

Oh, I shouldn't have said that, Hoss. I've embarrassed you!

Aw, that's all right, ma'am. He's always razzing me about something.

Now, more important things. I found Hiram.

Yeah, he just had some legal matters he had to attend to.

Oh, of course, he wants to take care of all his business

so that we can enjoy our honeymoon!

Wonderful man! I just knew he'd be the thoughtful kind!

Yeah, he's, uh... He's doing a little thinking, all right.

You'll get to meet him in the morning.

My knight in shining armor!

Yeah. He'll be home all night shining his armor!

What?

A toast to these dear ladies

for their kindness to a stranger!

Fairfax!

Uh, yes, sir! I shall remedy that at once, sir!

It is our pleasure, Mr. Forbes.

When we planned this picnic it was so you wouldn't be a stranger.

When we found that you were going to build a resort... Oh!

Gentlemen, I thought you were going to forget what you were not meant to see!

We did. That is, we didn't tell anybody but our wives.

Not another soul, and they won't tell anyone.

We saw you out there surveying that land.

Uh... we were just riding by.

Since you're interested in that area,

we thought, uh, it'd be a good time now to have a talk about it!

To be blunt, Mr. Forbes, we'd like to invest in your project.

Yes, I'll even take stock for the land.

Uh... I was asking 25,000 for that tract, but...

Yes, I'll take 20,000 in stock...

Sorry! My firm is backed by a syndicate of Kansas City bankers.

We are amply financed and we will absolutely not sell any stock.

Well, it seems to me that you would want local people to invest in your project.

That way, the people of Virginia City

would want you to succeed and would help!

Hm, yes, well, that is a valid point. Uh-huh.

Yes, I will need the cooperation of the local bankers.

- Fairfax! - Yes, sir.

Yes, yes.

Local investments, huh? Well, I'll have to have time to think that over.

I'll give you my answer in the morning.

In any case, you will all be my guests at the opening night party.

Fine food, two orchestras from Paris, France!

Champagne, brandy.

- Fairfax. - Yes, sir.

And when I have finished this resort hotel, I shall go on to greater things.

To San Francisco, Sandwich Islands.

Perhaps even China!

- Fairfax. - Yes, sir.

It is my ambition to build a chain of resort hotels,

circling the globe like a glittering necklace.

Fairfax.

Yes, sir. If I may say so sir,

there are pressing matters at the hotel awaiting your attention immediately.

Ah, yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes.

Pressing matters, yes. Pressing matters.

Just a moment, please.

Thank you very much.

Don't forget, burn the trousers and you pay for them.

Well, after a day like this, I could do with some brandy.

After destroying the wine at the picnic? I think not.

Another drink and you would have built a hotel on the moon!

Those two chuckleheads would have bought some stock there.

On the contrary, you could have spoiled everything!

Those two chuckleheads are rich, important men.

They lead, Virginia City follows.

And another thing, you were ad-libbing again.

From now on, you say the lines I wrote for you and not another word!

Uh... just a little drink?

After you polish my boots, memorize your speech for tomorrow, maybe!

"My syndicate is convinced that your crystal pure meadows and green..."

"Green meadows and crystal pure air!"

Oh, yes, sir.

"My syndicate is convinced that your green meadows and crystal pure air..."

- Just a little drink? - Not yet.

Out, out! Out!

- I'll kill myself! - And I'll work you over good if you do.

I promised Miss Cissie you're gonna meet her in the morning and you're going to.

You're the law! You're supposed to protect me!

Hiram! That's enough! Out!

"Wanted!

Madam Marove, bunco games, fraud and swindling

in Texas, Arizona, and California."

Hm!

"$10,000 reward for murder, Art Merklin."

"Wanted for horse stealing, Millie Barker, $100..."

Hi, Sheriff!

Howdy, boys.

Hey, we just saw Hiram run outta here like his coattail was on fire.

- What'd you do? - Yeah, well, I...

I had to send old Hiram along home.

Your voice is a lot deeper now that you're the sheriff!

It is?

It is?

You know, speaking of going home, we're heading back. You want to ride with us?

Well, I'd like to, boys, but the weight of the badge,

the responsibility of my town, I gotta stay here with it.

It's heavy, I know.

It's a shame, too, because you're gonna to miss a fantastic meal!

Hop Sing has done a wonderful job.

He's making a whole mess of chicken and dumplings and... Oh!

Well, you're both gonna miss it if you don't get out and leave me alone.

- I got things to do. - Yeah, better let you get back.

- Thanks for the protection. - Yeah. Feel safe.

See you later, Hoss.

Good night, you big old fuzzy bear, you!

- I don't believe it! - You are. You're a big old fuzzy bear.

- No, no, I mean this! - Don't believe what?

You know that nice gentleman Mr. Forbes? Rode in on the stage with me?

Yeah, that's a real nice man. What about it?

I think I gotta arrest him!

Of course you gotta arrest him. You're the sheriff, aren't you?

What?

There it is, the projected new hotel.

My syndicate is convinced that your green meadows and crystal pure air...

will bring floods of the wealthy from the smoke-clogged cities of the east.

Uh, now then, who's first?

Yeah.

I'll take $100 worth of that stock.

- There you are, sir. - Thank you.

$1,000.

There you are! $1,000 worth of certificates

that will be worth double in no more than a year.

Mr. Green will deposit the money in my account.

$300.

Here you are, sir.

$300.

100.

Mr. Forbes...

This is a stickup!

Reach for the sky or taste lead!

Didn't you hear me? I said this is a stickup!

Yeah, yeah, I heard you, Hiram.

- Well, I confess, I did it. - Did what? What?

Peabody, have you completely lost your mind?

Yesterday, he shot up the saloon and you refused to arrest him.

Maybe now you're convinced he's a criminal!

Yeah, you heard him. Arrest me.

Oh, Hiram, give me those things before you hurt somebody.

Hiram, you're making a fool out of yourself.

But, Hoss, you gotta put me in jail.

- I ain't gonna do no such a thing. - Aw, Hoss.

Mr. Forbes...

We realize that you're only a temporary sheriff, Hoss,

but I'm certain that you understand

that attempted bank robbery is a serious crime.

Hiram here had no intention of robbing your bank!

Hiram, come on.

Get up from there and go on home and no more shenanigans, you hear?

But, Hoss, you've gotta lock me up!

- I'm a masked menace! - Of course he is!

I am the one that has to decide what punishment goes with what crime.

And in Hiram's particular case,

the punishment is to NOT be locked up in jail.

Hiram, you break that little lady's heart

and I'll break every bone in your body, you hear me?

Get that silly thing off your face and go on home and behave yourself.

Go on.

In all my days I have never seen such a rank miscarriage of justice!

Scot free! I can't believe it!

Dereliction of duty, that's what it is!

With Cartwright for a sheriff, every crook in the country

has a license to rob and cheat us.

That ain't true, Mr. Franklin.

As a matter of fact, I came here to arrest a real criminal.

A rotten no-good-for-nothing, dirty, thieving scoundrel,

one who is ready to really skin you!

You're under arrest, Mr. Forbes. I'm taking you to jail.

Let me see this!

There's not even a mention of a Cavendish Forbes, not even a picture!

You've got nothing to go by.

Nah? Nothing to stand on, huh?

No picture, huh?

Well, there's a description here. Listen to this.

It says here that Farthingill Frobish,

or whatever name he was using at that time, is six feet high.

Stand up, Mr. Forbes.

It goes on to say that he weighs 200-plus pounds and is "stout".

And that's pretty obvious.

I do hope, sir, that you're not going to allow

the misguided zeal of this inexperienced lawman

to spoil your relationship with our community?

I'm certain you can show him the error of his ways.

To err is human, to forgive divine.

I'm gonna do the human thing this time.

The divine can wait until I get a message back from Butte Montana.

I done telegraphed that sheriff about you, sir, and you're under arrest.

Come along, Mr. Forbes.

Why, this is an outrage!

At least you can wait until you get your answer,

which I am certain will completely clear Mr. Forbes.

And which I am certain will give him time to skip out of town

with all money he's collected, too.

Not a chance! You're the one that told me

that my job was to protect the community and that's exactly what I'm doing.

Now, come along, Mr. Forbes, you're under arrest.

If I am not released with an hour, I shall cancel the plans for the hotel.

Come on, Fairfax!

I'm sorry, sir, but the duties of a valet

do not include the humility of durance vile.

I'm sure that the jail is very filthy,

so do be careful with your trousers, sir.

Come along, Mr. Forbes.

Mr. Cartwright, you haven't heard the last of this!

Not by a long shot!

Hoss! Well, you sure got this whole town in an uproar.

When you botch things up, you botch them up good.

You got any idea what Forbes' hotel would mean to this town?

Yes, I do, Joseph.

Do you have any idea what it would do for this town

if he absconded with all the funds that he's stolen, including Candy's $100?

You see, they'd blame me for that, too.

All right, suit yourself. I've heard of towns where a lynch mob

comes to a jail and pulls a prisoner out,

but it's gonna be the first time I've seen them pull the sheriff out!

Joseph, you run along.

I am perfectly capable of handling any situation that might arise here.

Except that one! Handle it for me!

- Where is the sheriff? - We want to see him immediately!

- Girls! - Mr. Forbes, help is coming!

Mr. Cartwright, I want you to open that cell door immediately!

Mrs. Green, I have no intentions of doing no such thing.

Oh, we are well aware of your stupidity on that score,

but we have no intention of disobeying the law.

But there is no law that says that that poor persecuted man

cannot be allowed a few of the comforts of life.

Now, where are the keys?

I will not be intimidated by a bunch of...

- Keys? Here you are. - Oh, thank you.

Come along, girls, Mr. Fairfax.

- Joseph, you rot... - Sheriff, give us a hand!

Nice.

Lovely, ladies. Absolutely lovely.

Your generosity has warmed the cockles of my heart.

Dear Mr. Forbes!

We wanted you to know that every decent person in Virginia City is behind you,

excepting one misguided creature,

a fool who allows known criminals to run rampant

while he harasses a fine gentleman.

We hope you haven't changed your mind.

Well, in the face of Mr. Cartwright's insult to my integrity, I must confess,

I did consider looking for some... friendlier town.

However, how can I refuse you? You ladies have been so gracious.

Yes, I will continue to sell stocks.

Anyone who wants to buy stocks, I will do business right here.

- Pass the word along, Fairfax. - If you say so, sir.

Be very careful of the trousers, sir.

I think you're making a mistake about this Forbes fella.

Look, if he knew the jig was up, if he was a con man,

he wouldn't keep selling stock while he's in jail.

Joe, I know exactly what I'm doing. I can handle it.

All right. You know best.

I just wonder what the penalty is for false arrest.

For the third time today, there ain't no answer to your telegram.

Not that there's any doubt what it'll be, Cartwright.

You used to call me Hoss.

That's before you almost ruined the sweetest setup this town ever had.

Hi, Lee.

Irving, Norman.

Sheriff Cartwright?

Oh, hi, Miss Summers.

I thought you were going to find Hiram for me.

You mean he hasn't...?

Well, you see, ma'am, I've been terribly busy...

No. He doesn't want to see me.

Or he has seen me and he's changed his mind.

And I sold my millinery shop and I came out here.

I thought I was going to be married.

Now...

Oh, ma'am, don't be upset.

Why, there's lots of fish in the ocean.

Maybe.

What's a woman my age going to use for bait?

I generally wait to deliver night wires in the morning,

but I know you're anxious to read this one.

From the expression on your face, Elbert, I don't think I am.

I don't imagine you are, but I rather savor the words myself.

"From Sheriff A.J. Mulligan."

Yeah, yeah, what does it say? Just tell me what is says.

"Sylvester Cromwell was apprehended by me six months ago.

He stood trial and was sent to territorial prison for ten years."

Thanks a lot, Elbert.

Thanks so much.

I should never have let him go, Joe. The man's a crook and I know it.

Stop worrying about it and eat some chicken.

Hop Sing fixed it special for you. It's fantastic.

- I ain't hungry. - Well, you got to eat something.

Dad burn it! Joe, I only did what I thought was right!

Everybody knows that. They didn't expect that much from a weekend sheriff.

- Have some chicken. - Look here.

This wanted poster described Forbes right down to the clothes he wears.

Well, maybe this Forbes and this Frobish fellow had the same tailor, who knows?

Yeah. It says here he even travels with his own valet.

What's a valet?

"Val-et?" No "va-let." That's a manservant.

Oh, a manservant?

Mm-hm. Ain't nothing unusual about that.

When a man's got a lot of money he can afford himself a manservant.

No matter how much money he has, he can't afford this kind of chicken.

Just going to lunch, Cartwright!

That's Sheriff Cartwright, and don't you forget it.

I won't have to remember long, the way things are going.

Yeah? You get this telegraph sent off pronto

or you ain't gonna be a telegrapher long neither.

Boy!

Oh, boy! You don't know when you're licked, do you?

All right.

All right. I'll send it.

I'll send it.

Where you been? You left this place like a tornado hit or something?

I'm ready for some chicken now...

- Does that do it? - That does it!

Praise be!

I'd rather have this one!

Hey, Sheriff, you go on back over to the hotel and bring Cissie over here.

When she sees me like this, maybe she'll go away.

And I'll pay for the lamp, of course.

You bet ya, you will, and you're gonna stay in there, 30 days.

- 30 days? - That's right.

Hey, Sheriff? What if she won't go away? Can you make it 60?

Yes, this is the exact spot on which the hotel will be built.

Thank you, ma'am.

Fairfax, give the lady her bonds.

How are you, sir? Good to see you.

May I be of assistance, sir?

I'm Elbert Higgins, telegraph operator.

If you say so, sir.

I'm not supposed to do this, but...

Cartwright sent this telegram a while back.

I think it's just terrible, the way he picks on fine Mr. Forbes.

Uh... With your permission, I shall bring this to my master.

You let him know I brought you this.

He'll remember me. I bought $50 worth of stock.

Of course he'll remember you.

He likes to see young men get ahead.

His only wish is to take... make the world a much better place.

If you say so, sir.

Excuse me, sir.

Pardon me.

- Judge Franklin, Mr. Green. - Yes, Mr. Forbes.

You have a most efficient telegraph operator, gentlemen.

I just received a message from my syndicate in Kansas City

- that dictates my immediate return. - Not trouble?

Oh, no, indeed. They're more anxious than ever to get construction under way.

I'm afraid that a good many of your good friends

will have to wait for my return to purchase their stock.

I shall, of course, take the money that's already been invested with me,

in cash.

All cash, Mr. Forbes?

Why, there's over 100,000.

Won't a bank draft do?

Well, I'm afraid I will find it rather difficult to convince my syndicate

to share in the profits with any of you good people.

Now, cash talks.

A bank draft drawn on a bank unknown to them might make them hesitate.

Makes sense, Green.

Of course it does! You think I'm inexperienced in finance?

I'll get it ready for you right away.

Fairfax, find out what time the eastbound stage leaves.

I already know, sir.

In two hours. Three o'clock.

Thank you, gentlemen. Just take it all over to the stage office, please.

Hello, Miss Summers. Looks like you're leaving us, huh?

The sooner the better.

Since I've been here, Hiram Peabody hasn't shown his face once.

Well, it'd be pretty hard for him. He's in jail.

Right over there.

- What? - He's in jail.

So, that's where he's been hiding?

Oh, and your conniving brother has been in on it all this time?

Oh! Pretending to be my friend?

Wait till I get ahold of him.

Well, a lawman's lot is not a happy one.

- Hear anything yet? - No.

And why don't you quit pestering me?

Dad burn it! There's been plenty of time for an answer.

That stage is gonna leave in five minutes!

Well, now, ain't that a shame?

As if anything was gonna come of your telegram anyway!

Well... that might be it, as if it was gonna do you any good.

Elbert, can't you move a little faster?

I'm moving fast as I can!

I'm ruined!

My life's savings!

My friends, my good friends.

I shall return shortly to build the hotel,

which will bring great wealth to your fair city.

The sooner we leave, the sooner I'll return. Move along, driver.

- You're under arrest, the both of you. - I beg your pardon, sir!

- You bungling boob! - Cartwright, you leave them alone!

They're crooks and I'm locking them up.

Tell him, sir, tell him that if he doesn't release you immediately

there'll be no hotel built in Virginia City.

If you don't release us immediately

there will be no hotel built in Virginia City.

Did you hear that, Cartwright? You're gonna be mighty...

You wretch! You...!

You lying popinjay!

You Casanova!

You mailbox Romeo, you...!

You're beautiful.

You are through, Cartwright,

and unless you want to get yourself beat to a pulp

you're going to apologize to Mr. Forbes.

Mr. Forbes?

- Fairfax? - Mr. Forbes?

- Well, where's Mr. Forbes? - Where could they be?

Strange, ain't it?

There's an explanation. Mr. Forbes is no crook! He is...

He is a crook! Mr. Forbes is a crook!

But he ain't the main one. That's what I been trying to tell you.

It's Fairfax! He's the main crook! He's the brains.

He hires them dummies, puts them clothes on 'em,

makes them say what he wants 'em to say,

then when all the suckers get wise, and start putting them in jail,

Fairfax walks quietly out of town with the money.

Give me the bag. I stand a better chance alone.

- We can meet up later. - No, you don't.

You said that to the last man that wore these pants

and he was in jail for a year and a half!

Come back, you thief!

Hey, wait, wait. Where are they going?

I got a feeling there goes your $100.

Not my $100!

- I'll cut them off! - Right.

Come back! Come back, you crook.

- Moreover... - I'll handle this.

If you knew they were crooks, why'd you let 'em get away?

Why did I?

As district judge, I order you to go after them.

Nail them, Sheriff! Well, what are you waiting for?

Mr. Franklin... Judge Franklin, you seem to forget I ain't the sheriff no more.

- Mr. Green done took my badge! - Well, let's go get him ourselves.

Are you going to let this turn into a vigilante town, Cartwright?

Now, you were made acting sheriff

and no one can take your badge away except myself.

- If you don't go after them I will. - But Your Honor...

Your Honor? Your Honor?

Judge Franklin?

Judge...

C'mon!

It was the least we could do!

- We're proud of you! - It was the least I could do, folks.

Do you, Hiram Peabody, take Cissie Summers as your lawful wedded wife?

- I do. - The ring, please?

- The ring! - Oh!

Place the ring on her finger, please, and repeat after me.

With this ring, I do thee wed.

With this ring, I do thee wed.

I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Hey, Sheriff, how long you gonna to keep me in here, anyhow?

30 days.

Next time you hit somebody, don't hit the judge!