Original subtitles

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Anselmo?

Anselmo?

Wait, wait!

Who even is Anselmo?

My name is Johnny.

You keep saying Anselmo!

Wait, wait,

Here, your cellphone!

Don't leave your phone on the bed!

Ugh, it hurts...

Wow Mani OST Performed by: Pio Balbuena, Janno Gibbs

Sorry about that, I was on a phone call.

Okay.

- Hello. How are you guys? - Hi, sir.

We're fine.

Um...

Are you the applicants?

- Yes, sir. - Yes.

And you, sir, what are you applying for?

Driver, sir.

Do you have any experience as a driver?

Yes, I used to be a driver.

Good, good. Very good.

And you, miss...

I'm going to apply as a babysitter.

Okay.

Do you have any experience with children?

Yes, sir.

I used to be a child.

What was that, love?

You cheated on me ten times?

Yes, because...

Remember when you were sick?

We didn't have money for your operation.

So, I had sex with the doctor.

See? Your operation was free!

You did that for me?

Of course. I love you.

What about the second time?

You were promoted at work, right?

Mhm!

I had sex with your boss, so you'd get promoted!

That's how much I love you.

Really?

You did that for me?

Of course.

I should be the one who's ashamed...

But thank you.

But...

what about the other eight times?

Last time, you won against eight professional golfers.

I won against them.

But you don't know how to play golf.

That's right.

How did I win against them?

There you go.

They all got a hole-in-one in me!

[girls laughing and chattering]

Hey, look. His zipper is open.

That's right.

I can't tell him, he might feel embarrassed.

No, I'll do it.

Excuse me, sir.

Yes, miss?

Your barangay hall is open.

Look.

Is that so?

Do you want to see how the captain gets angry?

Ah...

Uh, are you talking about the small captain?

Oh, my. He's so small and so brave.

Oh, mine is open too...

Pedro.

Gimo.

Our beloved queen is so beautiful, huh?

You're right, Antonio.

The king is so lucky.

The queen is so beautiful.

You know what?

Gimo. Antonio.

Don't tell anybody, okay?

But I fantasize about her every night.

And me...

I always watch her take a bath.

Oh, my.

You two are unbelievable!

You're not paying respect to our beloved queen!

What about the king?

You don't respect him either!

You two are embarrassing!

Beloved King...

- My Queen... - My King...

What is this you put on me?

That's a Chastity Belt.

That's for your safety, my beloved queen.

If there's anybody who tries to touch you,

I'm sure, their manhood will be cut.

Men!

Yes, our beloved King?

Yes, our beloved King?

All three of you.

You three are my closest friends.

I'm going to go to war.

And I will leave my beloved Queen to your capable hands.

Is that clear?

- Yes! - Yes!

I'm ready to give money to whoever is going to be loyal among you three.

However, there will be a punishment if my beloved Queen gets hurt.

Is that clear?

Pedro!

Gimo!

Antonio!

We understand, your Highness.

Yes, our beloved King.

- My Queen. - My beloved King...

I'm going to leave now.

- Take care, my King. - Wish me luck.

- Yuck! - Ugh!

What the hell...

- What? Did you say something? - No, King.

My Queen...

I will be leaving now.

Don't leave me, my King!

Did you hear that?

We have to protect the queen.

Antonio. Pedro.

The beloved King is there.

- Where? - Over there!

Where is the King?

- My beloved Queen! - What?

I won the war!

You're amazing, my beloved King!

I missed you so much!

Now, you three!

We'll see if you did as you were told!

Pedro.

I want to see your manhood!

Huh?

It's been cut off!

You traitor!

Berdugo!

- Your Highness! - Cut his head off!

Yes!

Your Highness! I wasn't able to control myself!

[scoffs]

Gimo!

Move forward.

I want to see your manhood!

Right now!

Are you sure, your Highness?

Yes!

Okay...

Huh?

It's been cut off too!

You're also a traitor!

You cannot be trusted!

Berdugo!

Your Highness!

Cut his head off!

Yes!

I'm sorry, my King!

[yelling]

Antonio!

Move forward.

I also want to see...

your manhood!

Right now!

[gasps]

It's still there!

Amazing!

Antonio, you impress me.

Because of that...

I will give you a prize!

I will make you my right hand!

And because of that, do you want to say anything?

[mumbling]

Ma'am?

I want to ask you something.

Can I go home now?

What? It's not time to go home yet!

Why do you want to go home?

Because I really want to take my wife's panties off.

Is that so?

Why? Can't take it anymore?

It's not that.

It's tight!

My balls are being crushed!

Hi! I'm Angeline from Wow Mani. What's your name, sir?

Jeffrey Nadera.

Noel.

RJ.

Chito.

I'm Francis.

This is your first question.

What can you do at night that you can't do in the morning?

What can you do at night that you can't do in the morning?

Jogging!

Sleeping!

- Assignment. - What?

Assignment.

Sleeping!

Sleeping!

Open your eyes.

- Staying up late. - Oh, okay.

Oh, I didn't think of that.

Hello and welcome to the best show on earth!

Battle of the Braless!

Of course, Battle of the Braless is brought to you by Playtime!

The fastest growing online gaming platform.

I am Janno Depp, your host.

I won't prolong it any further,

I will introduce the two universities that will be competing today!

Let's start with Music and Arts of Romantic School, or MARS.

Come in!

- Hi! - Hi, MARS!

Okay.

And their opponent is from the...

Very Enchanting National University of Sweethearts, or VENUS.

Come on in!

Hello! You're so handsome in person!

She's the winner! The game is over!

- Oh... - No, I'm just kidding!

- Okay. - Oh, how biased!

- Oh man, the host is biased. - Well, they called me handsome!

Okay. Did you girls prepare your cheers?

- Yes, we do! - Yeah!

Who will go first?

- Mars, go first! - Okay, let's go!

- Our cheer is on par with UAAP! - Wow! High expectations!

One, two, three, go!

M-M-M.

A.

R.

S.

Go MARS!

Wow! So good! You practiced a lot!

[girls laughing]

I expected something, you know.

See? We were really great! We got you speechless!

We practiced that, you know!

- Show them how it's done! - Okay, come on!

One, two, three, go!

V-E-N-U-S!

- V-E-N-U-S! - Show off!

VENUS!

- There we go! - Woohoo!

- They even did this! - Okay!

I'll explain the mechanics of our game.

Of course, we have three rounds.

Easy, difficult, and final round.

And at the end of each round, whoever has the lowest score will have a consequence.

But you will be the one to choose.

So don't be afraid.

- Okay? Are you ready? - Okay!

- Are you ready? - Yes!

Okay, okay! Before we start, test your buzzers, please.

- MARS? - VENUS?

Okay, let's go. Let's do this.

Are you ready?

Yes, we're ready.

For our easy round, the category is Music and Relationship Counseling combined.

The question is...

Andrew E said...

Hi, bro!

If you want to live a happy life, look for a... blank.

What is this blank?

Yes!

Someone to talk to?

Look for someone to talk to?

The song is about making you happy.

- Yes! - Money! Look for money!

- Money! - Money!

Wait, what if there's no money?

What will you look for if there's no money?

Oh!

Look for someone you can borrow money from!

Wrong! Wrong!

- Yes! - Work?

Look for a job?

No. Okay.

What we're looking for here is the type of person

who will make you happy and it starts with the letter P.

Yes!

Papa. Look for a papa!

What are you looking for in a papa to make you happy?

Handsome!

- Handsome! - Handsome!

He's not handsome but you'll still be happy.

Ah!

Look for someone funny!

You're such a comedian. It's wrong! Wrong!

- Yes? - Someone who likes singing!

Look for someone who likes singing.

No!

Wrong!

- Yes? - Someone who likes noodles!

Look for someone who likes noodles!

What? What's that?

They like treating you to noodles!

- Wow! - Right?

These girls are going to give me a heart attack.

Okay. Clue. Clue again.

With the way he looks, you won't really like it.

But because he's kind, you'll find him attractive.

- Ah! - Yes!

Priest? It's a priest!

Look for a a priest!

Will a priest even go for you?

Of course!

Ah!

You're looking for someone who easily triggered.

Police. Look for the police!

- Pulis Patola? - That's wrong, that's wrong.

This P I'm talking about is not just for women,

even men look for this!

- Look for a pussy! - Oh my god!

Hey!

- Why? What's wrong with that? - My goodness.

Wrong. You're all wrong.

- Wrong. - What is it?

The missing lyric we're looking for is...

If you want to live a happy life, look for a prostitute.

- You were pretty close. - Oh, you're right! It's O!

- I was so close! - The scores...

VENUS, zero. MARS, zero.

- Yes! - It's a tie!

- Yes! - It's a tie! It's a tie!

They're happy with that.

Miss Consequence.

Enter.

There she is.

Yes.

Okay, let's see what they picked.

Let's go first with...

Let's see.

Team VENUS.

Okay. Team VENUS.

Your choices are...

You're going to the mall,

and you're going to slide on the escalator's handrail with no panties on.

- Oh! - Oh!

- Oh, that'll hurt. - I can't do that.

- That's too hard for me. - Or you will take your top off.

That's easier.

- We'll take our top off. - That's what they chose.

Team MARS, your choices are you will join the firefighters

to put out some fires,

but you will not use water, you will just blow on it instead.

Like that.

- Oh no. - Or, you will take your top off.

- We will remove our top off. - We are not good at blowing.

Okay, that's what they chose.

- We will remove our top. - Please take it off.

There's no pressure here.

They're the ones who chose that consequence.

Sliding on the handrail will hurt a lot.

This is much better.

Okay. That's where our easy round ends.

We will be back with the difficult round.

Right here on Battle of the Braless!

- Woo! - Yay!

Mars, you know my baby, he's already 24 months old.

Really? How old is he?

Mars, he's two years old.

Mars, didn't you know that when the baby is 24 months old, he's two years old.

You're a little slow, Mars.

You're the one who's dumb!

How would I know?

I haven't had a baby yet.

Geez...

You're so judgmental.

She has a point.

True...

And welcome back to Battle of the Braless!

Let's move on to the difficult round.

We're going to make it hard for you, girls.

So be ready, okay?

For this round, your category is Botany and Cultural Heritage Combined.

So easy. That's so easy.

The question is Our national fruit is... blank?

It starts with the letter M.

M?

Sometimes, even just by seeing it, I start drooling.

What is this M?

Peanut.

My Peanut.

Well, yes, but that's not the answer we're looking for.

Sometimes, it's also yellow.

- Yellow? - Yes!

- Corn. - Corn? It has no hair.

-Deshelled peanuts. - Ah, does... that even exist?

Sometimes, you like chewing on it because it's crispy.

Apple .

Actually, it's sour.

Yes?

Unripe apple.

In English, it's called mango.

- Okay? Mango... that's easy. - Mango!

What is this M?

What's it called again...

Mangosteen?

- Go. - Mangosteen!

I already said mango...

Here's another clue.

I swear if you don't get this...

Sorry, sorry.

If you still won't get this...

The fruit we're looking for is...

Has the letters M, A, N, two Gs, and one A.

What is this?

Yes?

- M-A-N-G-G-A? - Yes?

- Malunggay! Malunggay! - Are you kidding me?

But I'm right!

- So dumb! M-A-N-G-G-A? - Miss Consequence, enter!

Geez!

- What is this? - Damn it!

- I would've gotten it right. - I'm trying my best!

I thought it's supposed to be a fruit.

Please come back, the game is not over yet.

- It's not over yet. - I already spelled it.

- What is this? - I thought it's fruit,

- why did you say a vegetable? - There's M-A-N-G-G-A!

Isn't it?

No!

Okay, the answer we're looking for is...

Swindler.

- Oh, really? - Okay? Okay?

- That's new. - How is that a fruit?

That's new.

- It's good. - Oh, okay.

I guess it's new...

Okay.

Uh, who first?

MARS!

- Mars? - Yes?

Answer me, okay?

Here are your choices...

You will be the target in archery,

but instead of them trying to shoot the apple on your head,

there will be an aratilis on your head.

Or, you will take your skirt off.

Skirt.

- The first one seems dangerous. - We're take our skirt off.

VENUS, your choices are...

You two will hit each other with something like a throw pillow,

but instead of a pillow, you will use a cactus.

Or, you will take your skirt off.

Oh, my God.

- I don't want to get hurt. - We'll take our skirt off.

They will both take their skirts off!

- We'll get nak-- - Oh my!

You guys are fast!

- Okay, okay. - We're excited, okay?

- These two girls are fast! - The two new fruits!

We did not force them to choose that option.

Thank you! When we come back,

this is the most awaited round...

The final round,

here on Battle of the Braless!

Yay!

You know girls, I pity my grandpa.

Why? What's wrong?

Because he's already 70 years old...

- Okay. - Every morning, at 8 AM,

he wants to pee, but he can't.

Oh no, my grandpa is more pitiful.

Oh?

He's already 80 years old, every morning at 8 AM, he wants to poop,

but he can't.

What's wrong with you?

Your problem with your grandfather is so light.

Huh?

Because my grandfather is already 95 years old.

Every morning at 8 AM,

he has already peed and pooped.

Oh, what's the problem with that?

Well, he wakes up at 9 AM!

My friends, though this is against my will,

we're back for the final round of Battle of the Braless!

- Woohoo! - Yay!

Okay, alright.

Okay, are you guys ready?

- Yes, we are! - We're ready!

This is our final round.

Wait... Oh, sorry.

Okay.

This is our final round.

- Are you ready, girls? - Yes, we are!

Okay, your category is...

Pet Care Management, Gender and Intimacy Combined.

The animal that is considered man's best friend is... blank.

And it starts with the letter D.

- Yes! - Donald.

I said it's an animal.

Duck.

Donald Duck.

You have a point, but no, that's not it.

We often see it in the street.

- Oh! - Yes!

- Rat? - Rat!

- It's roaming around the streets! - It's bigger than a rat!

- Ah! - Yes?

- Dinosaur! - That's too big!

- Here's another clue. - That's what you said.

This one lives with us.

It has canines and a tail!

- Yes! - Demon!

- What? - Why is it a demon?

No, that's what my mom always tells my dad!

You demon! You animal! Why are you here?

- You asshole! - Wow.

- Oh, right! - You win.

You're the winner in acting. But here, you're wrong.

- She's wrong? Oh... - Okay, both of you are wrong.

And the correct answer is...

- Daisy. - What?

- What is that? - I thought it was an animal.

- Wait, what? - I thought it was an animal.

Duck. Daisy Duck.

You said Donald Duck, right?

- Okay. Back to me. - She was really close!

Okay, let's recap the scores.

Of course.

Zero. Zero.

- Miss Consequence. - Yes!

- It's a tie! - It's a tie!

- I love it! - They're still happy?

APT! APT! APT! APT! Uh, uh-huh, uh-huh!

Miss Labubu!

Thank you!

- Here, sir. - Okay!

- Can I have yours? - Here, sir.

Let's start with team VENUS.

- Here! - Hello, sir!

Here are your choices...

you will bring a toothpick,

and you need to pick the teeth of a piranha that just ate.

- What? - Or...

You will take your bra off.

- We'll do the latter. - I don't like piranhas.

Team MARS!

Your choices are...

You will perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on a man...

Easy, right?

- That... - That was drowning from a sewer.

Or, you will take your bra off.

I don't want to get bad breath.

- We'll take our bra off. - That's what they chose, everybody.

Now, please take it off.

We do not force anybody here, that's what they chose to do.

Yay!

APT! APT! APT!

Thank you very much, and I hope you all enjoyed today's game!

Of course, Battle of the Braless is brought to you by Playtime.

The highest cash back online gaming platform.

I'm Janno Depp!

The luckiest host in the whole world!

And this is...

Battle of the Braless!

Woohoo!

Hey! You can cover yourselves up!

We can?

Good night!

- Girls, wave! - Bye!

Oh, they can see! Cover yourselves up!

Okay, okay!

Thank you! Everybody clap!

- Yay! - Clap!

- Hey! They can see! - Oh no! Sorry!

Geez!

Wow Mani OST Performed by: Pio Balbuena, Janno Gibbs