Original subtitles

I'm probably missing it.

Oh, great.

Curtis, we need to talk.

Theme song plays ][

Come on, baby. Don't play.

Why we got to talk?

Okay -- don't turn that on.

Curtis --

Baby, it's already on.

Okay, curtis, wait a minute.

I'm just watching tv, baby.

It's a game show.

It's not just a game show,

Ella, okay?

I'm a retired man.

To me, this is a way to exercise

My intellectual muscles.

Intellectual muscles?

Baby, you have other muscles you

Need to exercise.

Oh, god, please.

Ugh! Give it a rest.

[ chuckles ]

Curtis, come on, baby.

It's "Hangman."

You just choose a letter.

"Ambo."

Okay, look, movie title.

"Ambo."

"Ambo."

It's "Rambo."

Movie titles.

I was gonna say that.

That's just one letter.

I should have followed my

First mind.

I should have followed it.

Okay, you got anything else you

Want to ruin for me?

Turn -- turn that off, baby.

Just turn off the power.

Thank you.

Okay, baby, I think that calvin

And miranda are doing badly.

And I think that calvin and

Miranda are gonna ask us to

Borrow some money.

And I think I'm gonna lock

The doors, and you're gonna

Close the shades.

Curtis, wait.

These are our kids.

They're not the repo man.

It don't make a difference,

Ella.

The answer is still no.

How can you say that?

It's easy.

[ slowly ] No.

Give it a shot.

Curtis.

Now, see, that's wrong.

You started out wrong.

Your mouth went like this, and

You want it to go like this.

Okay, stop, okay?

I know we are on a fixed income.

It's not fixed. It's broke.

What's your point?

I know things are tight, but

They're family.

Is there anything we can give

Them?

Yes, baby.

Tough love and a squeegee.

Curtis.

Baby, how is it gonna help

Them...If we're their safety

Net, huh?

What is that?

We didn't have nobody to help us

When we first started out.

Baby, my mama gave us some

Money.

That's right.

Your mama is our safety net, and

Her social security can only go

So far.

[ sighs ]

Goodness, ella.

[ voice breaking ] Anything?

All right, look, baby.

Baby, I know it's hard to look

Your kids in the eyes and tell

Them no.

That's why we're gonna call

Them.

Curtis.

[ siren wails, horn honks ]

Okay, dad, you're our last

Hope.

If we don't pay our mortgage,

We'll be forced to live under a

Bridge.

You don't want your grandchild

To live under a bridge, do you?

[ as curtis ] Fresh air will

Do the boy some good.

You know, there's some really

Nice bridges in, uh, buckhead.

I mean, I'm saying,

Luther burbank lived under the

Bridge before he invented the

Afro.

[ laughs ]

[ knock on door ]

Gee...I wonder who that is.

I'll get it.

Uh-uh-uh.

I'll handle this one.

Rock.

Okay, I may need a little help

To get it, though.

Come on. Ooh!

Got it?

Got it.

Tracy, you're back...Again.

Hey.

Um, is calvin jr. Asleep?

Uh, well, we were kind of,

Um...You know what?

He should be waking up from his

Nap soon.

He's in the room.

Okay.

So just go ahead, pretend I'm

Not even here, okay?

It'd be a lot easier if you

Weren't.

Miranda, now, that's

Calvin jr.'s mom, and you said

That --

I know what I said, baby, but

We have no privacy.

I mean, she's here so much, she

Probably passes herself in the

Hall.

Yes, we're gonna go get some

Juicy.

Um, juice, please?

Sippy cup, fridge.

* thanks

* got it

* great

You want to go back with your

Sippy cup?

* get out

Baby.

She's driving me crazy!

Okay, why don't we just focus

On our financial problems?

And my mom's on her way.

I'll ask her, and she'll prepare

My dad.

Oh, by prepared, do you mean

Hit him over the head and go

Through his pockets?

[ chuckles ] You crazy.

[ laughs ]

You're playing, right?

Huh?

You are playing, right?

Oh.

Good morning, good morning.

What's up?

What's up, hayden?

What's up?

That's jayden.

Ain't nobody tell there ain't

No baby there.

What'd I tell you about

Walking up in my kitchen?

And what'd I tell you?

This ain't your kitchen.

How many times I got to tell you

That, huh?

Beside, what you gonna do?

Shoot me?

If I shot you right now, we

Could eat for six months.

Well, I'm gonna shoot myself.

How about that?

Okay, enough with the

Showdown, all right?

Hey, dad, did you make my

Lunch?

I didn't. I didn't.

Wilhelmina?

I can't do it all.

Make lunches, watch your

Fugitive son, raise your kids,

And watch my stories.

I'm not an octopus.

Hey, everybody.

Baby, I just checked on hayden.

She is out cold.

All right, I got to go.

Mwah! Bye.

Oh, already?

At least get a cup of coffee.

You're out of coffee.

No.

Mommy?

Yes?

What is that? It's beautiful.

One more thing for

Miss wilhelmina to clean.

No, this is the

Firefighter of the year award.

My boss roland put me in charge

Of the entire ceremony.

[ chuckles ]

Wow. This is so unexpected.

Thank you, vanna black.

This is so unexpected, I didn't

Even prepare a speech.

Uh, citizens of atlanta, I would

Like to say this would not be

Possible if it weren't for one

Very extraordinary person -- me.

[ chuckles ]

Well, you're more like two

People.

Security!

It look like a pipe.

Be careful with that,

Uncle curtis.

Ain't nobody think about this

Thing.

It's pure crystal, thanks.

Oh.

Crystal, huh?

Yes.

They give those away at the

Flea market when you buy a case

Of potted meat.

No, no, actually, my boss

Roland designed this himself, so

It's -- it's one of a kind.

Mm-hmm.

That's what bo-lo tell everybody

At the flea market.

Is that the same man who sold

You the bootleg copy of

"Roots on ice"?

Ha!

Sounds like you and your new

Boss are really getting along.

Yeah, we are. We are.

He's teaching me a lot, and he

Really feels like I can go far

In the organization.

Oh, that's great!

But there's a lot of stuff

That's not getting done around

Here.

Mm.

Gee, be nice if you had a nanny.

I know you ain't talking

About me.

Oh, no.

I'm talking about their other

No-count bootleg nanny who gets

Paid for doing nothing but smoke

And drink coffee...And drink

Liquor, if they had some.

I don't need this.

If I want to be disrespected, I

Can call my grandmama.

Well, save your dime.

You ain't got to call nobody.

I'll do it for you all day.

[ indistinct shouting ]

No, he's sorry. He's sorry.

No, he's sorry.

No, the only thing I'm sorry

About is that she's still

Standing here.

Hey, you don't have to drive

Over me with a truck.

Oh, can I please do it for

Fun?

Let me do it for fun, please.

That's it! I quit!

Miss wilhelmina, please.

No, no, no.

Mm! Let her go!

And mail my check.

When did they start

Delivering mail in hell?

When you get there, there'll

Be a package for you.

Ha! And I'm sending it back.

Miss wilhelmina, please.

Miss -- miss wil-- don't leave.

Miss -- miss wilhelmina!

Look at what you did!

Fix it, fix it, c.J.

I know. Isn't that amazing?

And I didn't even have to stick

A stake in her heart.

[ chuckles ]

Sometimes I don't know my own

Strength.

Speaking of steaks, who's

Cooking dinner?

You are.

'cause I got to go to work,

Especially since you just ran

Off the nanny, made her quit.

Uh, w-what are you talking

About?

I ain't watching no kids.

I got stuff I got to do.

Hey, matter of fact, I heard it

Was "Take your twins to work

Day."

Oh. Good luck.

You eat when they eat, you sleep

When they sleep, and when

They...

You're on your own.

Hey, jayden, this is what it

Looks like when you put your

Foot in your mouth.

Mom, thanks for coming over.

Wow, your hair looks great.

Oh, thank you.

Mom, I wanted to talk to --

Calvin, hmm.

I was remembering when you were

A little boy, and you wanted a

Bike.

Do you remember that?

And we couldn't afford it.

But you --

No, no, no.

Your dad just pushed you around

The neighborhood in a shopping

Cart.

But you guys always got me

What I wanted.

What I wanted to talk to you --

Wait, wait, wait.

Do you remember the time you

Wanted a baseball bat?

And we couldn't afford that, and

So we bought you jacks instead.

[ chuckles ]

Yeah, I didn't quite

Understand that one.

It doesn't matter, babe.

You were the best jacks player

In the whole neighborhood.

Nobody could do fivesies better

Than my baby.

Mom, I got beat up a lot.

So what, calvin?

The point is -- you made due

With what you had.

No, the point is -- I made

Due with what you gave me.

Speaking of which, do you

Remember when you cut off my

Allowance when I was 8?

We had to.

And do you remember when the

Tooth fairy missed my entire

Front row?

She did?

Yes, she did.

But I did some calculations.

I'll do it in front of you so

You can see.

And it comes out to be...

$17,000.06.

$17,000?

Were the teeth gold, baby?

Mom, don't panic.

You don't have to pay me now.

I can break this up into 13 --

Calvin, calvin, calvin,

Calvin, calvin, calvin.

Baby, I hate to tell you this.

Let me just stop you right

There.

Your father and I had a

Discussion, baby.

Aah! I sold a house!

Hallelujah!

You what?

She sold a house!

Baby, I sold a house, my most

Expensive listing, out of

Nowhere.

We are gonna make thousands.

Oh, baby, I'm so proud of

You.

Oh, thank you.

Yes! Yes!

Oh, and to think I came by to

Give you guys a loan.

Oh, ella.

Oh!

Well, I guess you don't need it.

Curtis is gonna be so happy.

Shh, shh, shh, shh!

Calvin jr. Is sleeping.

Hey, miranda sold a house.

Everything is gonna be okay.

That's great.

I did.

And look, baby, I bought us some

Apple cider.

I would have preferred

Champagne, but --

That's okay, girl.

Who cares? I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

Oh, this is great!

Curtis is gonna be so happy.

I mean, uh, I'm gonna leave so

That you guys can celebrate, you

Two.

Okay, and I am going to go

Get three glasses.

Oh, I'm so excited.

[ television playing ]

Oh, right there, right there.

Unh-unh. That's too violent.

Right there, right there.

Unh-unh. That's too wimpy.

Ooh, here we go!

Now that's a cartoon.

Acme! Ha ha!

Hey, back in my day, acme sold

Everything.

You ain't never heard of acme,

Jazmine?

Oh, man!

If you wanted rocket-powered

Skates -- zoom, zoom, zoom --

Acme got it.

Ha ha ha!

If you want a human slingshot --

Zoom! -- acme got it.

Ha!

Now, if you want to trap a

Roadrunner, you got to go on

Ebay and bid something for it.

What's a roadrunner?

I can't believe you.

What is wrong with you kids?

You be glad I'm here.

Oh, I can't believe it!

Taz coming on! Taz coming on!

Bzz bzz! Ha ha ha!

What is taz?

It's the tasmanian -- you

Never seen tasmanian?

Okay, you know how you all, when

You eat sugar?

He's just a little worse than

That.

I mean, when he get to

Spinning -- he ain't spinning

Now, but when he starts

Spinning, oh, my goodness.

He's like a furry tornado.

He's just -- bzz bzz bzz!

He be -- [ grunts ]

[ glass shatters ]

[ glass shatters ]

I hope acme sells glue.

Jazzy, what you do?

Me?

What you do that for?

What you -- now I know why your

Parents don't want to leave you

Alone.

I'm gonna go check on the twins.

Baby, baby, come on, hurry

Up.

I'm about to start the movie.

Whoo! I have been waiting to

Watch this movie for a while.

I am so excited.

Just you, me, and...

[ door opens ]

Ooh, what's this?

"Three's a crowd."

Oh, you know, I've actually

Seen this movie.

Okay, so you see that guy right

There?

He's actually a woman.

It's hilarious.

And then that lady right there?

She's a ghost.

And all of them end up dying at

The end.

So you haven't seen this movie?

Yeah. Now I don't need to.

You haven't seen it either?

No.

It's good.

Tracy, tracy...

We need to talk.

Calvin, just -- it's so --

No, I got this.

Tracy, you remember when we had

That conversation about coming

To see calvin jr. Whenever you

Wanted?

Yes. Thank you.

Well, we meant every bit of

It, except the "Whenever you

Wanted" part.

Oh? Well, what are you

Trying to say?

Okay, okay.

What, um, calvin is trying to

Say is that we -- we understand

That calvin jr. Is your son and

That you want to see him as much

As you can, but we need a

Schedule.

I'm sorry.

I didn't even realize I was

Wearing out my welcome.

Yeah.

It started a few weeks ago.

Oops.

So, what, it's like that?

Well, don't look at it as

Being kicked out.

Oh.

Okay, you're being kicked

Out.

Look, tracy, just call us

Whenever you're ready to see

Calvin jr.

We'll make it happen.

Heh heh!

Okay. Fine. Whatever.

Just kiss calvin jr. Good night

For me?

Thank you.

Cool.

Good night.

Whew.

[ sighs ]

Good job.

Hey.

Mmm.

It had to be done.

Curtis, I cannot believe you.

You have extra pieces, baby.

Baby, we don't need those.

Those are just left over.

Now look at that.

Look at that.

You can't even see.

That's good as new.

Curtis, no, it's not.

Baby, we cannot hide this.

We just need to tell janine.

[ sighs ]

Thank you for taking the fall

For me, baby.

Okay, this is our story.

I do not take the fall.

Okay, you've been coming over

Here, right?

And you've been drinking their

Cooking sherry for years, okay?

Curtis!

What, baby?

Baby, it's got to be convincing.

It's got to be convincing, ella.

Curtis, I know you did not

Put some cooking sherry on me.

Baby, come on.

You're a saucer.

You got to have smell on you.

I will not lie for you.

Well, who would you lie for,

Ella, huh?

Who is he?

I'm starving.

What's for dinner?

I don't know.

What are you gonna cook?

What am I gonna?

Yes.

You know, I'm not even gonna

Get into this.

How are we going to fix this,

C.J.?

Hey, you know what?

Just forget it.

You can't fix it, okay?

Just leave it alone and just

Forget about it.

Uncle curtis, would you

Please not butt into this?

We will decide how to fix

Our communication, thank you.

Oh, you talking about--

That's what you're talking

About?

I thought you was talking about

Something -- okay.

We're gonna get -- we're gonna

Go.

Baby, let's get the hell out of

Here.

Come on.

Uh-uh. Curtis. Uh-uh. No, no.

No, no. Curtis, you need to tell

Them.

Tell them what?

You need to tell them.

Baby, we're interrupting.

This is family business.

Come on. Let's go. Okay, you go.

I'll tell them.

Okay, curtis. Promise.

Yeah, I'll just tell them.

Tell them, baby.

Guess I have to tell them.

No suggestions still, huh?

Fine. That's fine.

Everything went well, uncle

Curtis?

Yeah. Everything's fine.

What is this?

What the hell is that?

What the world is that?

My trophy. It's ruined!

Look at my --

That's your trophy?

Jazmine!

Get down here now!

How'd they get that by me?

Uh, okay. Janine, wait a minute.

Janine. Look here.

Kids lie, okay?

And no matter how hard you

Punish jazzy, she's just gonna

Deny it.

Hey, she'll probably even say

I did it.

You did it?

No, I just said what she'll

Say.

She might say that 'cause that's

What kids do.

But you know what?

I don't even blame her.

I blame -- I blame the parents.

I blame y'all for letting her

Watch too much tv.

Just let it be a lesson, just a

Small lesson that you learned as

Parents.

[ door closes ]

Young lady, what do you have

To say for yourself?

I got a bad feeling about

Miranda, I did it.

Did -- did what?

What'd you do, baby?

I quit my second job and I'm

Cutting back my hours at the

Marketing firm to finish school

Faster.

You did, baby?

I am so proud of you.

Oh! All we needed was a little

Luck.

Luck? No.

Baby, you worked hard to make

That sale, and we're gonna

Celebrate.

Oh. Ha ha!

What are you doing here?

Calvin.

No, no. Tracy, I meant it.

How many ways do I have to put

It to you?

We want to be alone.

Listen, calvin, tracy called

Ahead and I told her she could

Come by and see calvin jr.

Look, miranda, thank you,

But I guess I'll leave so you

Guys can have your own space.

Thank you, tracy.

We appreciate that.

Sure.

Okay, I'm gonna put a blanket

On calvin jr.

It's a little nippy in here.

Thank you again, miranda,

For everything.

Of course, of course.

Bye, calvin.

Look, look, tracy, I'm sorry

For jumping on you like that.

Look, it's okay.

You're protecting your marriage.

I can appreciate that.

She's gonna be a great mom, and

She's very lucky to have you.

Thanks, tracy.

So, we good?

Yeah, we good.

Great. Thank you.

What the hell was that?

What?

You know what.

I don't even know what you're

Talking about.

Bye, calvin.

[ door closes ]

Okay, jazzy, I know it's not

Fair that you got punished for

Something I did, okay?

But life isn't always fair,

Jazzy.

I know I could have told your

Mama that I broke her trophy.

What would that do?

What good would that do you?

How would that help?

Okay, I was just looking out my

Peripheral vision and, uh, is

That your mama?

Is she standing over there

Hearing everything I said?

And -- and, just by chance, is

Your aunt ella standing behind

Me?

She wouldn't happen to have a

Belt, would she?

Okay, ladies, okay.

There's just one thing I ask of

You.

Let me get 3 steps.