Original subtitles

* game time, game time,

Game time *

* game time, game time,

Game time *

Uh! Uh! Cheese snacks, check.

Prestained shirt, check.

First half beer, check.

Second half beer, check.

Overtime beer, check.

Drunk as hell beer, check.

Gonna have a hangover tomorrow,

Check.

What's up, baby?

Oh, god, not again.

Oh!

What's going on?

Where's the beer you were

Gonna bring?

I-- you got plenty of beer

For both of us.

Non-beer bringing friend,

Check.

Well, yeah. You know me, but

In the immortal words of james

Brown, "I feel good. Uh! Come

On, ow!"

Well, all that's about to

Change.

How do you figure?

There's a moose in my

Kitchen.

Ella?

I'll punch you in your face.

You all mean to ella.

Claretha?

Thank you.

Oh. Woo! So what? Ok.

So ever since she kicked you

To the curb like an empty beer

Can, you been running around

Here crying like a little beah!

It's time for one of those

Beers! Uh...I'll take this one.

But you know what, bro?

Claretha ain't nothing

But like an old train, I'm

Telling you. She's gone and

Moved on and everything,

But you know, there will be

Another train come along.

Huh.

Hopefully one with a bigger

Caboose. Choo-choo!

Chuga-luga.

Ha!

That's what I'm talking

About.

Got that right.

Man, you had me worried at

First.

About what?

Well, it's good to see you

Coming back to your senses,

Floyd.

Never left.

I don't even know what you

Saw in that old bat in the first

Place.

Blame it on the alcohol. I

Run this, though, you know what

I'm saying? Oh, baby! I miss you

So much! Please don't leave me

No more. Please let me come

Back home! Claretha, claretha.

The only thing we taking back

Is your membership card to the

Men's club. You are an

Embarrassment. You're bringing

Shame to men everywhere.

Baby, please, I throw myself

On the mercy of the court.

And the court finds you

Guilty. Your sentence--life

Without claretha.

Floyd, you've just been

Pardoned. Shawshank!

Curtis...Don't do that. Now,

They were once in love.

Ok. Well, baby, I love a good

Bag of cheese curls, but you

Ain't gonna find me cuddled up

With one at night.

Curtis, I saw you cuddled up

With a big bag of cheese curls

Last night.

No, baby, I call you my bag

Of pork rinds.

Ha ha!

Curtis, we are not talking

About me. We're talking about

Claretha.

And I'm leaving.

Good.

Please don't leave.

Oh, floyd, please.

Please don't go. Seriously.

Don't be the one that got away!

You still have your dignity,

Floyd. It's right over here on

The floor where you left it next

To your manhood. Oops. They both

Just rolled under the couch.

[ siren ]

[ horn honks ]

[ tires screech ]

Come on, come on, come on.

Yes! Yes! Huh? Huh? Did you

See that catch? Uh! One-handed,

Both feet in bounds. Uh! Ha ha!

Yeah. Uh, uh. Ha ha!

What the hell are you two doing?

Come on, guys, this is football!

Janine and I...

I miss claretha so much.

Is that--shut up. That was a

Rhetorical question. You don't

Think I actually care, do you?

Hell, I can't even watch the

Game with you two moping around

Like this. Come on!

Ok, I'm desperate.

I can't believe I'm gonna say

This.

Move.

All right, ladies, let's talk.

Forget it.

I don't feel like talking

About nothing right now.

Good. Then let's please enjoy

The game, ok?

It's just that my boss is

Trying to force me to sleep with

Her.

Is she cute?

Yes. Very.

Then what's the problem?

Finding time? I'll trade

Problems with you.

Hey, c.J., I can't believe

You're afraid to tell janine

About maxine. Come on, man, you

Got to beat maxine at her own

Game, huh? The only way to

Outfox a fox...

Is to stay out of the fox's

Den.

How would you know? You've

Been in the den 4 times.

Twice. Well, 3 if the

Government ever recognizes cuba

Again.

You need to stay out of it.

You still want...Can you believe

It's still hard for me to say

Her name? Clare--claretha.

Look, curtis, I want to spend

The rest of my life with

Claretha.

You must be praying for a

Short life.

If I don't get her back, I'm

Gonna have to keep coming over

Here, leaning and crying on my

Best friend's shoulder, and

Drinking up all of his beer!

Wow. It's incredible.

What?

It's like all of a sudden, I

Like claretha. She's good

People. And I'm gonna help you

Get her back.

How you gonna do that?

Please. How you think I got

Ella? With just my billy dee

Williams good looks?

Ha ha! Billy dee.

That's not a joke. You need

To go talk to janine about

Maxine.

Yes, sir.

And you...

Me and ella are gonna teach you

And your pet some new tricks...

At dinner tomorrow night.

But for right now, we gonna

Watch the gizame! Huh?

This is football, so sit down,

And come on, y'all, let's enjoy

The game.

Woo!

Oh, man, yeah, that was a

Great tackle.

Wasn't that nice?

Yeah, that was nice.

Wow.

And cut.

You might want to wait for the

Commercial to go off.

Janine, you are not gonna

Like what I've got to say, but

I'm your man, and I know you

Love your job, but you got to

Quit. End of story. Maxine is

Poison. What? Oh, now you ain't

Got nothing to say. Well,

Listen, let me tell you

Something, baby.

Hey, baby.

Hey, hey.

What is bruno doing out here?

Oh, I was just working on my

Jump shot, you know, for when I

Play ball with the fellas.

Oh. Ok.

No, seriously, baby, I need

To talk to you.

Actually I wanted to talk to

You, too, honey.

[ knock on door ]

Did you tell him yet?

No.

Oh, good. Ha!

What's she doing here?

What's my boss doing here?

What's my boss doing here? I

Don't know. I don't know. Maybe

She is here to share a little

Bit of good news, huh, boss?

Ha ha ha ha!

Ok, ok.

Ok, ok.

All right, um, janine is

Going to fly to phoenix to

Represent the district at a

National fireman's conference.

Uh-huh! It's tomorrow!

Isn't this exciting?

Wow. So you two are going out

Of town?

Oh, no, no, no. I'm not

Going.

Just me, just me. And I know

It's quick, sweetheart, but you

Have miss wilhemina. She can

Help you around here.

Oh, I'm sure c.J. Can take

Care of everything just fine.

Yeah. Baby, this is such a

Big break. And maxine really

Thinks I can handle this.

Ah, she's a natural. Ha ha.

Well, that's--that's great.

I told you he'd think so. I'm

Gonna go get those notes.

Oh, ok. Take your time.

I got to run.

Ok.

[ c.J. Sighs ]

It's perfect. Janine can go

To all of these meetings, we'll

Know exactly where she is,

Far away, unable to get right

Back home.

Look, maxine, this has gone

Far enough, ok? As soon as my

Wife comes back down those

Stairs, I'm gonna tell her

Everything, all right?

I don't care if you accuse me of

Backdating those reports, I

Don't care if I get fired, but

Nothing is worse than playing

This game.

Really? You're just gonna

Step over your wife's dreams

Just like that?

She'll find other dreams.

Oh, no, no, no. You can mess

Up her dreams, but you will not

Mess up my fantasy. I did a

Brazilian wax.

Yeah. You're not gonna do

Anything. You're not gonna do

Anything except free up a little

Time for us. Now, stop playing

Around. Ooh.

All right, I'm ready.

Ahem.

Janine, I was just showing

C.J. The brochure.

Oh, my gosh, I haven't even

Seen this yet. Oh, look at the--

Uh-huh.

Janine, I need to talk to

You.

Baby, listen, maxine has me

Running. Can we talk when I get

Back later?

Janine...

Ok, ok, ok. Listen, baby,

Thank you for letting me do

This. I promise I'm going to

Make you so proud of me.

Baby, I'm already proud of

You.

Thank you.

Love you.

Ah, tomorrow's gonna be so

Exciting! Ok, bye, baby.

Ha ha! It certainly is.

Oh, so you act like we in a

Restaurant, ok? Can you do that?

All right.

You want to pull my chair

Out, please?

Sure, honey.

And don't call me honey. We

Ain't together yet. You're

Trying to impress me.

Ok, I'm sorry. Let me push

Your stool.

Sit the hell down.

Ok, now women like men who can

Speak different languages and

Stuff.

Ok.

Ok, so order from the menu in

A different language.

Ok. Let's try french.

Uh, oui, oui. I would like to

Have the french bread, the

French fries, and the french

Toast.

You know what, really?

What?

I'm gonna bust you in your

Head.

Why? You already did it 4

Times.

Yeah, but I'm saying...

Ok, new plan. Me and ella, we're

Gonna help you tomorrow night.

You're gonna have dinner with

Us.

Whew, yes.

Ok? Now, I'm gonna write down

Everything that you need to say

To claretha.

Cool, cool. That'll work.

Wait, who's gonna read it?

I'm gonna draw pictures.

Oh, I love pictures.

Hello, handsome.

Oh. No, that's nobody, baby.

Uh-huh. Yeah. You get to the

Airport yet? Yeah. The twins are

Down. Uh, "Don't do anything you

Wouldn't do." that's funny. Ha!

You crazy.

Huh? Yeah. I love you, too,

Baby. Ok.

All right. I'll see you when you

Get back. Bye.

Maxine!

Excuse me, mr. Fireman, do

You think you could put out this

Fire?

Maxine, are you crazy?

What are you--

Oh, I'm burning up. Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh!

My twins are in the next

Room. You got to get out of

Here.

Oh, oh, oh, then we better be

Quiet, and I'll try not to make

You scream.

Scream? Back off, maxine.

Ha ha. What? You're not

Afraid of a little danger, are

You?

Oof!

Your name is payne, isn't it?

Maxine, you got to...

Ha ha! And you do find me

Attractive, don't you?

I bet you there's a lot of

Guys out there that find you

Attractive, but I just --

Ooh...

So let's just do this.

Oh, you want to do this. You

Really want to do this.

Mm-hmm.

Listen, what if janine finds

Out?

I won't tell if you won't.

[ c.J. Chuckles ]

You won't have to. I'm right

Here.

Oh! Oh! Janine, uh, you're

Supposed to be at the airport.

Nope, nope. I think I needed

To be right here. C.J. Was

Telling me what you were up to,

But you know, I just had to see

How nasty you were for myself.

I told her, real nasty.

You know what...

You set me up.

Ha ha.

Ha ha. Ha ha.

You know you're both out of a

Job, right?

There's only one person here

Who won't be showing up for work

On monday morning.

Oh. And you two think that

Everyone is gonna believe you

Over me?

No, but I'm pretty sure

They'll believe this disk.

The disk.

You remember this disk,

The disk that my uncle shot.

The one where you admit to

Everything?

No, but h-how did you get--

Come closer. Come get it.

I don't want to fight. Let's

Not get ugly, ok?

I was your assistant, maxine.

I had access to everything

In your office. Plus, I'm a

Suspicious wife, and you are a

Slut of a boss.

Oh, oh, oh.

A slut.

Janine, please, let's not get

Ugly.

If I ever catch you around my

Man again, I will hurt you.

I'm from the streets.

She's from the streets.

Ok. All right, ok. Ok, ok.

Hardball. I get it. But everyone

Has a price, right? So let's say

That, uh, janine, you get a

Promotion, and c.J., you get a

Big raise.

A big raise?

Yes.

How much of a raise?

C.J. Payne.

You know what? You better

Raise up out of here, that's

What I'm saying.

Are you--do you really--well,

Ok. Uh, I'm leaving. But, c--

Ok, maybe you didn't

Understand. Get the hell out.

Ok.

Let me get the door for you.

Get out.

Get the hell out.

All right.

Oh!

Well, you--boy, you was about

To tear her up.

You invited fake phil?

Baby, this is the start of my

Operation hook a heifer.

Operation hook who?

Look, fake phillip, he's

Gonna insult the heifer, and

Floyd is gonna come to her

Rescue, and then he'll be her

Hero. Duh.

Oh, baby, so floyd is

Supposed to be captain save a

Heifer? I mean, now you got me

Saying it.

Baby, just trust me, ok? Have

I ever let you down before?

Recently? Today? In the last

30 seconds?

Hmm.

Look, just sit you over there

In the damn chair.

Get over there and sit in

The damn chair!

I'll pull your chair out.

Sit down. Sit it down!

Scoot it, scoot it.

Well, then scoot. You got to

Scoot!

Ok, that's too far.

So, how are you two doing?

Great.

Terrible. I want to stab him.

Huh.

Uh, psst. Zee heifer is

Ready.

Well, is everything all right

With your dinner?

[ choking ]

Is that a criticism of the food,

Madam or are you coughing up a

Hair ball?

Oh. That's rude.

Pardon, madam. Are you

Coughing up a hair ball, madam?

[ choking ]

Look here, french toast, you're

About to cause an international

Incident.

Oh, with an outfit like this,

Uh, you look more like an

International accident.

Oh...Curtis...

Baby, relax. It's part of zee

Plan.

Oh. Ok.

Hey, you gonna eat your

Cornbread?

Ha ha!

Pass the butter.

Uh, the butter? Oh, perhaps

You can scrape some off of

Madam's teeth--

Oh! The only thing that's

Gonna get scraped is you up off

The floor.

Madam...

Curtis, you better do

Something.

Madam..

Look, come on, now.

What?

Would you do something,

Please?

I ain't getting in front of

No dog fight. That's how you get

Bit.

Curtis. Oh, my god!

He's down!

Oh, curtis, don't look now.

She's killing him.

Monsieur payne, monsieur

Payne...

Excuse me, we're trying--

We're trying to have a

Conversation. No, seriously--

Floyd, would you do

Something?

My mouth is full.

Stop! S'il vous plait.

She don't play! She don't

Play! Curtis.

Mr. Payne, I'm sorry.

Look, I didn't mean to do it.

He made me do it. He made me be

Rude.

You?

You snitch!

Wait. Claretha, I've never

Seen that man before a day

In my life.

Mr. Payne, look, this is not

Worth a ride on the fire engine.

I quit.

Wait a minute. Curtis,

Curtis...

Baby, hey!

Step out, step out.

Wait, baby, hold up! Wait,

Baby, I didn't tell you how good

You look under the moonlight.

Oh!

Baby...

Sweetheart...

He did it for me.

He did it for me.

I figured you were in on it.

See, baby, the moment--

[ coughs ]

Excuse me.

[ clears throat ]

Hmm. See, curtis knew how much I

Was hurting, claretha. Baby, I

Want you back.

Huh. Good luck with that.

No, seriously. Baby, look,

Ever since you left, I mean,

When vernita came back, I was

Confuzed. Confused. It's the

Rice pilaf.

And then when she came

Back and everything, I--and then

You left, and it all just hit me

Like a ton of chicks...Bricks.

I ought to pick up a brick

Right now and hit you.

Baby, don't be like that.

Oh.

Oh, I just miss you so much.

No, look. I know right now that

That's what I love about you and

How you love me. See, I want to

Be that man for me. I mean, for

Us. The hell with it.

I want you back. Baby, I want

You back.

Oh.

See, baby, this is usually

The part of the movie where I

Go get my $10 back.

Shut up, curtis.

Yeah, be quiet, baby.

I love you, floyd.

Oh...I love you, too.

Mmm.

You know what? I just got to

Know.

Ok, claretha, once and for all,

Is this a wig?

Oh! I always have a backup.

You sly player!

She was a girl scout.

Man, I'm starting to like

Her.

Hey, now that claretha and I

Are back together, you know,

Maybe the 4 of us can spend a

Little bit more time together.

No, now that you two are

Together, maybe y'all can spend

A little time alone.

Why?

Look, here's your piggy bag.

Oh.

Take that. And take the baby

To a nice park for a picnic!

Oh, man, come on.

You can make it a dog park.

Bye, claretha.

Bye.

And wait. Don't forget your

Flea collar...For your mutt.

Now to the business at hand.

[ babbling ]