Original subtitles

So you divide by 18, and then

What do you carry?

You.

Uh, uh, uh, I mean -- I mean 2.

You -- you carry the 2. Yeah.

That's right.

Well, we're all done.

What time are your parents

Getting home?

Oh, not till late.

They're working.

Yeah, my mom's running a

Little late, so now I get to do

Something I've been thinking

About doing all day.

Yeah, I'm sure we've been

Thinking the same thing.

Yeah --

Watching the cooking channel.

We must not be thinking the

Same thing.

Oh, this is my favorite show.

I would rather watch the

Paint-dry channel.

Okay.

Th-they have one of those?

[ laughs ] No, silly.

It was a joke.

Oh.

[ chuckles ]

You know what?

Let's just watch "Cops."

Maybe we'll see somebody we

Know.

[ chuckles ]

No, I'm the guest.

I get to pick.

[ siren wailing ]

What do you have against

Cooking shows anyway?

[ scoffs ] I'm allergic.

Whenever I watch them, I break

Out in boredom.

Ha ha.

Mmm! He's cute.

There's something about a man

That can cook.

How can he be cute with that

Apron on?

My big sister says there's

Three things you know about a

Man that can cook -- he's good

With his hands, he's always in

Control...And he can cook!

I can cook.

Oh, can you, now?

Girl, I-I tears it down in

The kitchen.

What's your favorite dish?

My auntie -- she has, you

Know, the little gold dishes

With the little diamonds on them

And everything, and she has

Other stuff that matches, of

Course the little teacups and

Everything.

I'm just joking.

I'm joking.

[ horn honking ]

Oh, that must be my mom.

So, can you make duck à

L'orange?

It's my fave.

Girl, I can make duck à

L'orange, duck à la black, duck

Allen iverson.

[ chuckles ]

Well, I have to go to soccer

Practice now, but if I have my

Mom bring me back over, can you

Make it for me tonight?

Sure. I'll make it for you.

Okay. It's a date, then.

All right, no problem.

I will get that for you.

[ chuckles ]

Thank you.

Yep.

Don't work too hard on that

Meal.

No problem.

See you later.

All right.

I got a problem.

Oh, that boy gonna get a

Touchdown!

That's it. I knew it.

I didn't expect --

Uh-uh, it doesn't matter.

Baby, I wasn't counting on

That to happen.

Get up. Get up.

Go back in the back and watch

Tv in the back, curtis.

Baby, I can't watch there

Today.

Yes, you can.

That tv's too small, ella.

It cuts the players' heads off,

And I can't tell who I'm hating

On.

Auntie ella, I need your

Help.

It's an emergency.

Don't do like that.

We gonna try that again.

[ groans ]

Curtis, well, he did say it's

An emergency.

He gonna learn how to knock

On doors.

I'm sick of them busting into

People's houses and never

Knocking.

What?

[ knock on door ]

Never answer the first knock.

Curtis!

Who is it?

It's malik.

It's malik, baby.

Should I let him in?

Hey, uncle curtis.

That's a lot better.

Now you need to go home anyway

'cause your auntie is studying.

Curtis, he said it was an

Emergency.

What is it?

Make it quick.

Do you remember my friend

Tory?

Yes, the little high school

Cougar.

Tory, tory, tory.

Oh, the little chick.

Sí.

Smart?

Yeah.

The real pretty girl?

Yes.

No, I don't remember her.

Is she pregnant?

No.

Look -- she wants me to do

Something I don't know how to

Do.

And that's how they get

And that's how they get

Pregnant.

So, just tell her no, and I'm

Gonna call her mama and tell her

She needs to be fixed.

Baby, just would you put that

Phone down, please.

What's the number?

No, look -- she wants me to

Cook for her.

She wants me to make her

Du-- duck à l'orange.

Duck à l'orange?

Yeah.

Malik, I don't even know how

To make that.

Okay, what would make her think

That you know how to make duck à

L'orange?

Probably that big fat lie he

Told her.

Now, how do you know I lied

To --

Never mind.

Look, auntie ella -- can you

Help me out?

Please, please, can you help me?

No, malik. No, baby.

Look -- I have got to do this

Studying, baby.

Why can't your mama help you?

[ scoffs ] Oh, please, ella.

The last time janine cooked

Something, it was on a bent

Spoon.

[ laughing ] Don't do that.

They're both not back yet.

Well, so, you got the place

All to yourself?

Yeah.

And that big old flat-screen

Tv is just sitting there, all

Alone?

Yeah.

All right, you talked me

Into it.

I guess I will help you, nephew.

You will?

Yeah, of course I will.

Oh, well, thank you,

Uncle curtis.

No, no, no -- thank you for

Getting him out of here.

Oh, well, you're welcome.

[ chuckles ]

It's the least I can do for

My nephew.

Okay.

But I will tell you --

I'm gonna tell you what your

Problem is.

You keep trying to date these

Little bourgie girls.

Let me tell you something -- you

Leave these bourgie girls alone.

You need to get you somebody

That ain't got nothin', ain't

Never had nothin', and that way

She won't expect nothin'!

Okay.

[ door closes ]

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Um, you know I'm not talking

About you, baby.

You was bourgie, though.

[ door closes ]

Oh, my goodness.

I'm here. I'm here.

Calvin, you were supposed to

Be here at 1:00.

I know. I know.

But I'm here now.

Hey, man.

Say, "Hey, daddy."

Hey.

[ smooches ]

Sorry, baby.

Listen -- now I've already

Missed showing the house.

I'm sorry.

I was stuck in traffic.

[ sighs ]

Listen -- if I can't show

Houses, I can't make money.

If I can't make money, then you

Have to continue to work two

Jobs, and if you continue to

Work two jobs, we will never see

Each other.

That's why I made a schedule.

A schedule?

Yes, a schedule.

Look -- here.

I can show houses between here

And here, so you have to be

Here.

When did you have time to do

All this?

> oh, right after I cleaned the

Baby vomit out of my hair today.

It's not my fault, baby.

There was an accident on the

Highway.

And what about tuesday?

You wasn't here in time to

Watch calvin, jr., and I had to

Skip my class.

Baby, I was this close to

Making a sale.

I could almost taste it.

Well, if I miss my class,

Daddy won't be able to graduate,

And if daddy can't graduate, I

Can't get my promotion, and if I

Can't get my promotion, then I

Have to keep working two jobs.

Calvin --

Ain't that right, calvin?

Calvin, say, "Daddy."

Say, "It's not as cute as when

You do it."

Okay, listen, baby, we just have

To redo the schedule.

I know.

That schedule was not realistic,

But, baby, I don't have time.

I'm working two jobs.

I have school.

[ sighs ]

My shifts keep changing.

I know.

Okay, you want to do it now?

Baby, I can't.

I'm gonna try to run to see if I

Can show this house and make the

Sale, okay?

Okay, what about tomorrow?

[ sighs ]

I can't do it tomorrow.

How about wednesday?

No, I got class wednesday.

How about thursday?

Thursday's no good.

I have that -- I have a home

Inspection on thursday.

Then when, baby?

Do you know what?

We can do it tonight.

Okay, how about when I get

Off work?

Let's say 6:00.

6:00 -- perfect, perfect,

Perfect.

We will figure it out, and we

Will get our lives back.

Right, boobie?

Say, "Right!"

[ chuckles ]

All right, good luck, baby.

Okay.

Uh, be back by 4:00 so I can

Go to work.

Okay.

[ door closes ]

How was your day?

Mama?

She's gone.

She'll be back.

She'll be back [smooches] At

4:00.

I hope.

[ calvin jr. Coos ]

Okay.

Man, you must really like this

Girl.

You like the girl.

You don't want to lose her.

So you lie to her.

I know -- pretty pitiful,

Huh?

Hell, no!

That's great!

I'm proud of you!

You're finally getting the hang

Of this romantic thing, you

Little player, you.

[ chuckles ] Thanks.

Now get on.

[ chuckles ]

Okay.

All right.

What we got to do?

It says right here that we

Need to stuff it.

Mnh.

Ugh.

We don't even know it.

Um, okay, but --

I'm gonna let you handle that

Part.

But, uh, uh -- so, you want

Me to stick my hands in there?

Yeah. It's easy.

You just -- you just stuff it.

Your aunt ella does it all the

Time.

Oh, well --

I watch her.

You -- you know how to do it,

Then?

Look -- let's just stuff the

Doggone bird.

Ugh, you're not gonna put the

Whole thing in there!

Oh, my god!

Just stuff the doggone bird!

Ugh!

Yeah.

Watch it!

Don't hurt 'em!

Don't hurt 'em, player!

[ laughs ]

Player, player!

Yeah.

You look almost as good as

Our food is gonna taste.

And that food smells so --

[ sniffs ]

I don't smell anything.

It's part of the payne

Cooking secret -- flavor without

Odor.

Oh.

Okay!

[ laughs ]

Oh.

Oh, wait.

Is the secret to cook without

Fire?

'cause you didn't turn on the

Oven!

Now what am I gonna do?

You never heard of cold duck?

Yeah, hey, tory.

Yeah, dinner's almost ready.

You can come on by.

[ chuckles ]

Yeah, look -- you are gonna

Love it.

[ chuckles ]

All right. All right.

See you soon, okay?

Bye-bye.

I am so dead!

She's coming over.

You know what?

Lying to women is becoming real

Easy for you.

I know.

And I'm so proud of you!

Yeah!

Mwah!

[ laughs ]

Uncle curtis, I'm serious,

All right?

Tory's on her way over here.

What am I gonna do?

I guess you better hope she

Ate something before she got

Here.

No, she expects to eat here.

I mean, what else can I make?

Mm, you could make

Reservations.

That's a good idea.

Hey, you gonna give me some

Money?

Bad idea!

Uncle curtis, it's not funny.

[ chuckling ] Yes, it is,

When you think about it.

No, uncle curtis, it's not

Funny.

It is funny.

Lighten up.

Look -- calm down, nephew.

Calm down, okay?

Now, here's what's gonna happen.

All I need you to do is stall,

Okay?

I'm gonna go get some duck

Abracadabra from a restaurant.

Duck à l'orange.

A la lange

Yes.

In a restaurant?

Yes.

Yeah, a restaurant.

We just pass it off as yours,

And just like that -- voilà!

You live to lie another day.

Uncle curtis, you are

Brilliant!

[ chuckles ]

It's a gift.

[ doorbell rings ]

Oh, that must be tory.

I'm gonna go get it.

I'm gonna go get the duck.

All right.

Uncle curtis, how can I ever pay

You back?

[ scoffs ] Please -- family

Is supposed to help family,

Nephew.

I'm supposed to have your back.

Cool.

And I'll bring the receipt,

And you can work it off.

[ sighs ] Hey.

Where were you?

What do you mean?

They asked me to stay later, and

I left you a message.

I did not get a message.

Well, did you forget to

Charge your phone again?

No, I didn't forget to charge

My pho--

Yes.

I'm going to sleep.

I'm tired.

[ smooches ]

Oh, no, wait.

No, no, no, no.

We are supposed to go over this

Schedule.

I need to sell more houses and

You need to pick up more hours

At work and we both need to

Spend more time with calvin, jr.

So we got to make this work,

Babe.

I understand that baby.

I do.

[ smooches ]

But right now, I need some

Sleep, okay?

How are we gonna figure this

Out if we don't make time?

Baby, I'm too tired to talk

To you when you're like this,

Okay?

"Like this"?

Like -- like -- like what?

Um, when you, uh --

Yes, calvin, please, please

Tell me what I'm like.

What am I like, huh?

Well, my attorney advised me

Never to answer that question,

So...

[ chuckles ]

Don't try to get out of this

By making a joke.

You always do that.

You are just like your father.

Oh, I am not.

I'm just tired, baby, and you're

Being irrational.

"Irrational"?

[ laughs ]

Irrational?

Would you like to see

Irrational, baby?

[ chuckles ] This isn't it?

Okay. It's okay.

I don't smell anything

Cooking.

Well, uh, you know, I

Actually cooked dinner over at

My uncle's house.

But why?

Well, see, my folks here --

They don't have the equipment

For me to, you know, prepare a

Proper gourmet meal.

Yeah.

But it looks top-of-the-line.

Well, see, actually, their

Line is down here, and with my

Cooking and my abilities and

Everything, it's up here.

That's my line up there.

[ laughs ]

Yeah.

Okay.

But don't worry, okay?

My uncle will call me when

Everything's ready, and I'll go

Over there and pick it up.

I mean, we have all night.

Actually, we have until my

Curfew.

Uh, look -- I know you can't

Be that hungry 'cause I'm not

That hungry.

[ chuckles ]

[ stomach growls ]

Uh -- uh, do you know what?

That's the neighbor's dog.

He growls all the time.

Ohh, I hate it!

But you know what?

I'm gonna go stop him from doing

That, and I'm gonna go check on

The dinner.

You just make yourself

Comfortable, have yourself some

Tea 'cause you said it was good,

And I heard you when you said it

Was good.

Oh, malik, you're so cute

When you're nervous.

Just go.

All right, I'm gonna be right

Back.

Okay.

[ chuckles ]

[ theme music playing ]

Hooty-hoo! Hooty-hoo!

[ theme music stops ]

Hi, tory.

Hi, mrs. Payne.

How are you?

Good to see you.

Good to see you, too.

Oh, where's -- malik!

Where's malik?

Oh, he went outside to check

On the neighbor's dog and

Dinner.

Dog and dinner.

[ chuckles ]

Which is why I brought this

Food by.

Oh, malik said he already

Made dinner.

And you believe that?

Yeah.

Tory, malik can't even make a

Sandwich without making a mess.

But he said that --

Tut tut tut tut tah.

Tory, whatever lie malik told

You is only because he likes

You, so just get used to it.

It's the way they are wired --

The payne men.

It is?

[ sighs ] Yep.

But, uh, we don't have to let

Them get away with it.

Hmm.

[ chuckles ]

I like how you think.

Uh-huh.

He went that way?

Mm-hmm. I'm gonna go that way.

Baby?

Okay, I've been thinking.

I overreacted a little bit

Earlier today, and I know it's

Hard, but we are both trying.

It's just, I have been

Completely exhausted recently

And I know I've been short with

You and I'm just willing to keep

Trying if you are.

Are you, baby?

Calvin?

Baby?

Oh, boy.

[ sighs ]

[ laughs ] And that's funny.

That's just what he said when he

Was cooking.

He said, "Nothing's too good for

Tabitha!"

[ laughs ]

It's tory.

Yeah, that's what he said.

Ooh!

Ah! Hi, fellas.

I'm just in time for dinner.

Oh, yes, malik made an

Excellent meal.

Yeah, um, duck à l'orange.

Mmm!

Well, let me see about that.

This looks good.

And what did you put in your

Duck a l'orange?

Uh, uh, uh, well, we -- we --

We put some duck in it.

[ laughs ]

I can see that.

Oh, it looks zesty.

What did you season it with?

Um, season? Season?

Um, uh, well, uh, uncle curtis

Here did most of the seasoning

For the duck à l'orange.

[ both arguing indistinctly ]

Curtis, what did you season

It with?

I used zesty sauce.

Yep, I used zesty sauce.

It's an old family recipe from

Grandpa payne.

[ chuckles ]

Baby, I need some of this

Zesty sauce.

Oh, baby, well, you can't

Have none 'cause grandpa's dead.

[ both laugh ]

And he took the recipe with him.

Darn that man.

Wow.

Okay, uh, baby, ready to go?

Oh, no, no, no, no, curtis.

I'm gonna eat.

Mnh.

[ chuckles ]

[ groaning ]

What's wrong with her?

What's wrong, tory?

Are you choking?

Tory?

Are you choking?

No, she's not choking.

Our first big date, and I'm

About to kill her.

Okay, tory, are you allergic

To something?

You're allergic?

She's allergic to something,

Guys.

Should I call 911?

Yeah, something.

I'll get some water.

Okay, okay.

Tory, talk to me.

You can't talk 'cause you're

Allergic to something.

Okay, tory -- okay, guys --

Is it the duck?

It was the duck.

Curtis, what did you put in

This duck?

I don't know!

We got it at edmund's bistro.

What?! Curtis!

Is that right, malik?

Uh...Yes, ma'am.

You know I can't cook.

And...Scene.

What?

I told you not to lie.

Be quiet, curtis.

So, you really can't cook?

At all?

Well, if you count toast.

Ugh. Please.

You need to be ashamed of

Yourself, curtis.

What, me?

He's the one that lied about it.

And if I was you, I'd be

Furious.

I am a little ticked off,

Malik.

Uh, uh, tory, hold on.

Hold on, tory.

Yeah, handle that, player.

Look -- I know lying was

Wrong.

And you know better.

And so do you, curtis.

Well, she saw the guy on tv

And he was a cook and, you know,

I just wanted to be that guy,

You know?

And I'm sorry.

Saying sorry just doesn't fix

Things.

Yeah, you should seek

Reparations.

Look, tory, just tell me --

What can I do?

Well, for starters you can

Give me the number to that

Restaurant.

No problem.

And then maybe you can take

Me there.

Oh.

Oh! All right!

Oh, please.

I hope he did not tell you he

Can drive, too.

[ both laugh ]

Hey, tory?

Yeah, you want to come by

Tomorrow?

Oh, roller blading? Yeah.

Did I tell you I was a roller

Blading instructor?

Yeah, I do it all.

I do the surfing.

I do the snowboarding.

I do the skiing -- everything.

Yeah, I can teach you. Yeah.

What is wrong with you?

I can't stop myself, okay?

I'm just crazy about this girl.

No, you just crazy.

Look -- you on your own.

But I will be there when they

Airlift your behind off a

Snowcapped mountain.

I'm sorry.

At least you'll be easy to

Find.

That's true 'cause we not

Supposed to be in snow anyway.