Original subtitles

Okay, yes.

No, I have a 12:00-12:15 slot

Available.

Okay.

No, that sounds great.

I'll see you then.

Okay, thank you. Bye-bye.

Hello? Hello?

Oh! Yes, you're still there.

Thank god.

I thought I lost you.

Okay, um, how does 12:15-12:30

Sound?

I know you couldn't do the --

Perfect.

All right, it worked out.

Okay, I'll see you at 12:15.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Really, janine?

A nanny?

Now, why don't you just quit

Your job and take care of your

Own kids?

That's an idea.

I'm not quitting my job.

I like working for maxine.

Get over it.

We're getting a nanny.

[ gasps ]

So it's settled?

We're getting a nanny?

No.

Yes!

Why do I even talk?

I don't know.

* we're getting a nanny

* we're getting a nanny

See? Jazzy's all excited.

She's doing the...

The happy nanny dance?

...Happy nanny dance.

No, that's 'cause you fed her

Too much sugar.

This is a setup.

[ laughs ]

It's gonna be great having a

Nanny.

Yes.

Hey, I do have a few

Requirements.

Requirements?

I wish you were this excited

About your homework.

Okay, so, she should like

Barbies but hate belts, think

Candy's great, but carrots are

Evil, love tv but hate homework.

She should probably have magical

Powers, but that's not a

Deal-breaker.

[ chuckles ]

As long as you're being

Reasonable.

At least someone at this

Table is being reasonable.

She just said magical powers.

I'm being reasonable.

We do not need a nanny.

No yo may not need a nanny,

But I have to wake up early

Every morning and dress two

Small babies.

I know that's right.

I understand.

No, no, I don't think that

You do, so let me break it down

For you here.

That's two diapers.

Two diapers -- one, two.

Okay? Powder...

Powder.

...Baby wipes.

Baby wipes.

Janine.

What? No, no, no.

No, no, no.

That's -- that's four pants

Legs, four sleeves, four socks,

Four shoes.

Arms and legs everywhere.

And in the middle of all of

That, your son is trying to

Squirt me.

It's a really ugly thing.

You're not helping, little

One.

And, janine, you made your

Point.

And if, at the end of all

That, everyone is still dry...

Which hardly ever happens.

...My day has just started.

I think we can manage this

Household ourselves without any

Outside help.

Really?

Okay, let me put it to you this

Way -- if I don't get some me

Time, c.J. Doesn't get any

Janine time.

Yeah, well, you never can

Have too much help.

Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

[ sighs ]

Ugh!

Man, in front of the baby?

Haven't you ever heard of

Knocking?

Haven't you ever heard of

Manifest destiny?

[ scoffs ]

It's my destiny to manifest

Myself wherever the hell I feel

Like it.

Shh, shh -- the baby.

Oh, did I say "Destiny"?

[ laughs ]

Mr. Payne, what brings you by?

Ella -- she made some of

Those those peach snacks that

Calvin jr. Likes so much.

The peach snacks!

I had to bring them over, and

I wanted to talk to my grandson

And say goodbye to him.

[ gasps ] Who's that?

Holler at the big man.

Who's that?

What's up, big man?

"Hey, grandpa."

What's up with you?

Wait, wait, wait.

What's up, daddy?

[ laughs ]

You want to talk to junior?

Yeah. What's wrong with that?

We're trying to keep him away

From negative influences.

And that's why I didn't bring

Ella.

[ laughs ]

Will you relax, please?

I just want to talk to him about

The ways of women, okay, a talk

I should have had with your

Daddy.

Pop.

Shh.

Grandpa's talking.

Women are great, aren't they?

Look at them.

Oh, they feed you.

They clothe you.

They get the baby lotion and the

Vaseline and put it all over

You.

Pop.

Please.

And then one day, you're gonna

Wake up, and she's gonna be

Gone.

Yes, she is.

And then you're gonna have to go

Out in that great big world and

Find you a woman of your own.

How about that?

You know where you go to get

Them, right?

To the playground.

And you're gonna go to that

Playground and you'll see a

Seesaw and you'll see a pretty

Little vixen over by the seesaw.

Hmm.

And she's gonna take you way

Up high, real high, and then she

Gonna drop you, just like that,

Boom.

[ laughs ]

And you're gonna hit your head,

And it's gonna hurt.

Pop, you don't need to talk

To the baby like that.

But then you can follow her

Over to the merry-go-round.

You know about that

Merry-go-round?

Well, you know, we call it

Marriage.

Yes, sir, and once you go

Through the merry-go-round, you

Know, you can't never get off

That one.

You must have heard about it.

Hey, what you need?

What you need?

The merry-go-round make you

Dizzy?

I know it do.

And, you know, that's why they

Call it marriage.

And once you get on it, you can

Never get off of it.

And once you're married on the

Merry-go-round, you can never

Ride the other rides again.

Does that make you sad?

So, where exactly are you

Going with this, mr. Payne?

What happened to all the

Rides I was riding on?

We're just on the merry-go-round

Now, and I'm getting dizzy.

[ laughs ]

But while you're riding on that

Merry-go-round, you gonna

Realize one day that you on the

Merry-go-round with the best one

On the whole playground.

Aww.

Yes, you are.

I must say, I didn't know

Where you were going with that

For a minute, mr. Payne.

[ chuckles ]

Ah, psych!

[ laughs ]

Got ya!

[ laughs ]

I was just trying to give you a

Little hope, big fella, okay?

Now, I know that's a crazy

Story.

Let me take you to the good

Story.

I'm gonna tell you about when me

And your grandma first started

Playing in the sandbox.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

What you know about that?

What you know about the sandbox,

Dude?

He's not ready for the

Sandbox.

No, no.

Say, "No sandbox, grandpa."

Do you want to hear about the

Sandbox?

Do you want to hear about the

Sandbox?

Mnh-mnh.

[ doorbell rings ]

Are you sure you want to go

Through with all of this?

C.J., relax.

We're going to find somebody

Perfect.

[ sighs ] All right.

Hi. I'm myrtle.

You're here for the nanny

Position?

No.

I'm here for the nanny position.

Okay.

Hi, I'm janine.

This is my daughter, jazmine.

Hi.

Your daughter's got asthma?

That's so sad.

Mommy, I think there's

Something wrong with her

Hearing.

My earrings?

Ain't they nice?

My late husband gave them to me.

[ babies crying ]

Oh, now the baby's crying.

Somebody's dying?!

Is it me?

No. No, ma'am.

No, no, no, no.

The babies -- they're crying.

One thing I can say -- your

Babies sure are quiet.

[ laughs ] Next.

Oh, no, I don't do that

Anymore.

And you can't be too careful.

Right, right.

Oh, my gosh, you're a breath of

Fresh air.

I mean, everything is checking

Out.

Wait. We're ready, right?

We're ready to offer you the --

[ cellphone ringing ]

Oh, I'm sorry.

Do you mind if I take this?

No, no. Go right ahead.

Take care of that.

Mm-hmm.

[ keypad beeps ]

Hello.

Of course I know I'm supposed to

Check in, but why are you

Sweating me?

[ scoffs ]

It was barely a felony.

[ scoffs ]

It was only one body.

Okay, okay, okay.

Sssst!

Bye.

Ugh.

[ chuckles ]

[ chuckles ]

[ chuckles ]

You know how it is.

Parole officers -- they always

Want to know where you are and

What you're doing.

Now, where were we?

We was --

[ chuckles ]

Oh, but I've served my time.

Come on, now.

I --

The hell?

Uh...

[ doorbell rings ]

Miranda, tracie's here.

Coming!

You want to see mommy?

You haven't seen her in a long

Time.

You want to see mommy?

Yeah? Yeah?

Tracie.

You look good.

Calvin, don't lie.

I'm not.

Um, you want to come in, sit

Down?

Thank you.

[ sighs ]

You want to hold junior?

No.

No, um --

Tracie, tracie.

Hey.

Hey. How are you feeling?

Better.

I mean, I think so.

I honestly don't even remember

What happened.

Yeah, we were worried you

Might not wake up.

[ calvin jr. Coos ]

Calvin.

What?

Well, what would you have

Done?

What do you mean?

If I hadn't woken up.

What would you have done?

Would you like something to

Drink?

No, I'm fine. Thank you.

I think I'll get something to

Drink.

[ crying ] I'm not fine.

And there's no sense in me keep

Pretending.

My husband is dead.

Look -- I'm really sorry

About that.

And I'm just...

I don't know.

I'm just -- I'm not myself,

Okay?

And I honestly don't know if

I'll ever be myself again.

Tracie, don't say that.

I just -- I thought I could

Come over here and just -- we'll

Pretend, you know, like

Everything was okay, and then

Everything magically would be

Okay, you know?

But it's not okay.

And I can't pretend like it's

Okay 'cause it's not okay.

It's okay.

Look -- what I'm trying to

Ask you guys is I can barely

Take care of myself right now.

What -- what are you saying?

I was hoping that maybe you

Guys could keep calvin for me.

Well, for how long, tracie?

I don't know. I don't know.

It might be for good.

You okay, baby?

You got a headache?

My head is killing me.

Are we done yet?

No, you still have a few

More.

[ sighs ]

Why don't we just give up,

Okay?

I don't think that we --

[ laughs ]

You will not make me quit my

Job.

Next!

Move out the way.

Let a lady through.

Scoot.

Um, excuse me, but are you

Here for the nanny interview?

Well, aren't you a smart

Young thing?

You the lady of the house?

Yes.

Mm.

Little girl.

Me?

Yes, you.

Go get miss wilhelmina some

Coffee.

And put a little medicine in it.

Medicine?

Is the girl hard of hearing?

Your ad ain't said nothing about

Taking care of no deaf girl.

No, no, no, she's not deaf.

She ain't moving.

And I know you all ain't trying

To act like you ain't got a nip

Of something around here.

Ov before I have to get my m

Switch!

Um, uh, uh, do you -- do you,

Um, have an appointment, miss,

Uh -- miss, uh --

Wilhelmina.

Can't nobody around here hear?

The whole family is deaf.

That's it.

What you doing with my stuff?

Look -- it's been a long day,

And I'm already positive this is

Not going to work, so --

Sit down.

Excuse me?

Sit!

Sit down!

Move!

I'm gonna miss my bus.

Um, miss --

Shh! I'm not talking to you.

How many kids you got?

I have four children.

Four?!

Yes.

And how many baby daddies?

One.

Mm-hmm.

Mnh.

You live here?

Yes.

I'm the baby daddy, all of them.

Mm-hmm.

Here you go, ma'am.

Oh, my gosh, um --

What's in this?

The twins' cough syrup.

What?

Jazmine!

She said medicine.

Why would you put cough syrup

In her drink?

No, cough syrup is fine.

I drink that all the time, but

Twins?

You got twins?

Yeah. They're 1.

No, twins is two.

Don't play a player.

[ chuckles ]

Miss wilhelmina can't be around

Two crying babies.

Whoo! Mhh.

But aren't you a nanny?

That don't mean I like kids.

What?

I got my child-rearing

Watching "Roots."

So, what you're saying is

That you beat the kids?

Baby, I'll cut off a foot.

[ laughs ]

[ sighs ]

Mommy, I'm scared.

Jazmine, go upstairs and

Check on the twins.

Okay.

[ sighs ]

Um...

You call me now or later.

You gonna need me.

I been taking care of other

Folk's babies for over 32 years.

I just want to know what I'm

Gonna get paid and when I start.

That bus ain't gonna wait.

And you shouldn't make it.

Let's get your cough-syrup

Coffee, and I will help you take

Your things to the --

No, miss -- miss wilhelmina,

This way.

Where did she come from?

I don't know, but you're just

Letting her go and --

And now uncle curtis.

Y'all gonna hide the cereal.

That the game we playing now?

Trying to hide the cereal.

And what's up with the milk,

Huh?

Look -- this is the last time

I'm telling you!

Everybody in the house, I drink

Whole milk.

Y'all with this reduced-milk

Crap -- come on.

You know what?

You gonna make me take my

Business elsewhere.

What are you doing?

Who the hell are you?

This ain't your house.

That's my uncle curtis.

I don't care if it's

Uncle tom, aunt jemima, or

Cousin itt.

You don't walk up in nobody's

House like you live here, not

When miss wilhelmina's around.

[ laughs ]

Where'd you get miss hyena?

Who you calling a hyena?

If the paw fits, wear it.

You dealing with curtis payne!

"Payne," huh?

That's why my eyes hurt.

No, they probably hurt

Because they're surrounded in

Ugly.

You ain't seen ugly.

[ gasps ]

It gets worse?

I'm gonna put you out of your

Misery.

A tisket, a tasket, take your

Little basket and get the hell

Out!

You better get your hands

Off me!

Ah!

She threw out uncle curtis!

She threw out uncle --

You threw out uncle curtis.

So?

So...

Both: you're hired!

Let's eat.

So?

So, what are we gonna do?

We are gonna take calvin, jr.

In.

There is no other option.

Baby, that's why I love you.

Ooh, I know.

You sure this is what you

Want to do?

Of course I am sure, baby.

I was hoping you would say

That.

Listen -- it's not gonna be

Easy.

I know.

And it's going to be tiring,

And this condo is gonna be very

Cramped.

I know.

But we will manage.

We will.

Mm-hmm.

[ doorbell rings ]

Okay, you ready?

I'm ready.

You sure?

It's me and you.

I got you, babe.

No turning back now, all

Right?

Mhn-mnh.

All right.

Hey, tracie.

Hey.

Look -- you two, um, if you guys

Are not prepared to take calvin,

Jr. In, I totally understand.

I can call my sister --

No, no, no.

Calvin, jr. Can stay here with

Us as long as you need him to,

Okay?

[ voice breaking ] Thank you

So much, miranda.

Please don't cry.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Now, if that's really what

You want...

No, it is. It is what I want.

Okay.

Let me go get him, okay?

Okay.

I brought him some cookies.

Yeah?

Yeah.

[ sniffs ]

Look, tracie -- I'm sorry

About brian.

Thank you.

And, tracie, you just need

Some time to get on your feet,

And I'll take care of our son.

What?

It's just the way you say

"Our son."

[ voice breaking ] It's like you

Love him as much as I do.

I do.

Look, calvin -- I am so sorry

For putting this on you and

Miranda.

I didn't mean to.

I am so sorry.

Tracie, you just need some

Time for yourself, okay?

Don't worry.

Who knew that you would turn

Out to be this kind of man?

[ calvin, jr. Cooing ]

We did.

Hey, baby boy.

Yes, that's my baby.

Hi.

Say "Mama."

Can I share your cookies?

I brought you some.

Hey, baby, come here.

I got to talk to you real fast.

Yeah, I got to talk to you, tell

You a couple things, okay?

So, look -- mommy's got to go

Bye-bye, okay?

But it's gonna be okay because

Daddy and miranda are gonna take

Really, really good care of you,

Baby, much better care than I

Could right now.

Mommy.

But I need you to do me a

Favor.

Can you do that?

I need you to make sure --

Here you go.

I need you to make sure you

Listen to them and do everything

They say and make sure you

Behave, okay?

[ crying ] And I'm gonna call

You every single night.

I promise.

And I'm gonna think about you

Every single minute of the day.

Take your cookies.

Cookie.

I love you, baby boy.

Yeah. I love you.

Guys, I can't do this.

I can't do this.

I got to go.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Hey, tracie, tracie, he's

Gonna be okay.

Look -- I know. Thank you.

[ crying ]

It's okay. She'll be back.

Hooty hoo?

[ laughs ]

That door was unlocked.

I'm gonna get me some food.

You heard me?

[ chuckles ]

Can I help you?

Aah!

What are you doing back here?

None of your business.

Well, you need to get out of

Here.

I'm here to stay.

So am I.

No, no, no, no.

I'm the new nanny in town, and

This place ain't big enough for

The both of us.

Now, you need to come back

When you drop 50 pounds.

I'm about to drop 250 right

Now.

What you gonna do with it?

Got some chips!

You can't even pick it up!