Original subtitles

Claretha, I knew she was

Faking.

She was shoutin' and buckin'

And shoutin' and buckin', and

All of a sudden, her ponytail

Fell on the floor.

I said, "That's what you get.

That's what you get."

I knew she was not serious.

Well, I got me a little

Shout, too.

Floyd and I almost have enough

Money to put a down payment on a

House.

Floyd got good credit?

No. But his mama does.

[ laughs ]

Well, claretha, you two really

Are getting cozy.

I know.

I miss him a lot when he's out

On tour with that new gospel

Stage play.

What in the world?

Floyd is in a gospel play?

Yeah, girl --

"Mama, please don't make me

Sing."

That's the name of the play?

Mm-hmm.

[ chuckles ]

$3.

Baby, what? Curtis?

$2.

Baby, what are you --

Wait, wait, wait, curtis.

What are you doing?

Baby, I'm selling the stuff

We don't use around the house.

99 cent.

Buy one, get one free.

What --

Expired.

Curtis.

"Best if used before

Halloween."

Stop tagging me!

I got something you can sell.

[ scoffs ]

You nasty, wretched woman!

That's your friend -- unclean,

Ella, unclean.

No, silly!

Floyd bought a storage unit at

An auction.

Why would he do that?

Because when people don't pay

Their rent at the storage

Facility, the storage place

Sells everything in the unit.

If you help me bring the stuff

Over here, we can have a swap

Meet in your backyard.

Claretha, do you practice

Being ghetto?

What?

Do you wake up in the morning

And do ghetto jumping jacks or

Something?

Curtis, please.

I think it's a great idea.

See?

And we could use the extra

Money, baby.

Then you go and do the

Backyard bonanza with the harlot

From charlotte.

Not today, curtis.

I will be visiting with

[singsong voice] Calvin and

Miranda.

See you later, baby.

All right, baby.

Mwah! Mwah!

Bye, ella.

Bye, babe.

Claretha, how you gonna sell

Somebody else's stuff and take

Advantage of their misfortune?

It's the american way.

Well, don't bring that junk

Over here.

Okay, I'm not going into

Business with you, I'm not going

In business with floyd, his

Mama, his cousin tee-tee, his

Father who he never met.

All right, then.

But floyd made $7,000 in one

Weekend.

We're gonna move this stuff

Out here.

Curtis? Curtis?

Ooh.

Come on, baby.

Hi.

Hey, mom.

Hey, baby. Hi, miranda.

Hello.

Mwah!

[ baby-talking ]

Enough.

Oh.

I'm just so excited.

And I cannot wait to go and see

This sonogram.

No, mom, I got something for

You.

Bam!

"Grandma." that's me.

For you.

Oh. Oh.

Bam!

"Grandpops!"

[ laughs ]

Curtis is gonna love that!

I'll give it to him later.

Thank you.

It is something new every

Day.

Yesterday, can you believe he

Made me practice screaming for

The delivery room?

No.

Yes.

Oh!

And what do you think about the

Name halston payne?

[ chuckles ]

Oh, um, it's okay. It's okay.

[ clatter ]

Curtis? Baby?

Curtis, we were thinking about

Naming the baby

Halston payne.

Sounds like drugstore

Cologne.

What if it's a girl?

Oh.

Diamond lexus payne.

[ chuckles ]

Oh, that's nice...

See? I told you.

If she's gonna grow up to

Work a stripper pole.

[ laughs ] I told you.

What about floretha?

Would you hush? Please.

Floretha sounds like something

That happens after you eat bad

Pork.

Look, curtis jackson bartholomew

Payne.

Bam! That's it.

That's what the baby's name

Gonna be.

That's it.

And if it's a girl?

Curtessa.

Unh-unh. No, no. No.

I was thinking...

We name her ella.

Ah!

Please.

[ laughing ] Who in the world

Gonna name a child ella?

What'd you say -- stella?

Ella. You heard her.

You heard her.

No, baby, I thought she said

Stella.

You know, stella was a freak.

What do you think if we name

Her ella sondra payne?

Ooh, no, the baby needs a

Unique name like uniqua.

Uniqua needs a cd player for

The crib.

Bam!

Ha ha! Only $5.

Curtis, please.

Is this the stuff that you and

Claretha are selling?

Yes, girl.

Baby, this is junk.

This is junk.

It won't even open.

What are you talking about?

It's not junk. It does open.

Hey, look. We got church fans.

Okay, church fans.

$5 apiece.

"Lily of the valley

Pentecostal sixth-day adventist,

Witness walkers,

8th street baptist chapel."

Where is this church?

On 10th street.

Okay. Curtis, I am getting

Ready to go to see the little

Baby's sonogram.

And if you want to see the light

Of day, you better get this junk

Out of my house.

Ooh! Mom, miranda, let's go.

I can get another practice run

To the hospital.

Oh, calvin, not again.

Aw, come on, baby.

I know I can shave two seconds

Off my time if I just bank that

Corner hard.

Come on. Let's go.

Curtis.

[ singsong voice ] I got

Something to show you.

We can sell this at the yard

Sale.

Please.

Ain't nobody gonna buy that.

They'll pay a pretty penny

For this, I bet you.

$5.

Enjoy your lamp. [ laughs ]

You better not plug it in.

Ooh la la! Ooh la la!

Money, money, money!

[ laughs ] Man!

What are all these people doing

Here?

I put an ad on the internet,

And -- voilà! -- people show up

At your house.

Wait a minute.

You put my address on the

Internet?

Uh-huh, and your phone

Number, too, in case anybody got

Lost.

You got to bring the people to

The product.

Look, claretha, if anybody

Crazy come to my house, it's

Gonna be you and me in a

Sitchy-ation, you heard me?

Okay, then don't turn around.

[ gasps ] What the hell?

I want it.

You got to ask my wife.

How much for the

Peabona bricattoe painting?

For the who?

Do you mind?

The peabona bricattoe painting.

The most eclectic and innovative

Artist of the 18th century.

Wherever did you find such a

Piece?

Well, uh, actually, I come

From a long line of collectors.

Um, yeah.

If you want this painting,

Ma'am, it's five--

Thousand.

$5,000, ma'am.

Claretha, come here.

Are you crazy?

Curtis, the first rule of

Business is that the first one

Blinks loses.

[ blows ] I won.

Do you take checks?

Cash, e.B.T. Cards,

And wic vouchers only.

And we do have a layaway

Plan.

Oh, but you need to leave a

Deposit.

Will $500 be enough?

Yes. Cash.

Oh, uh [chuckles]

$1,000 would be great.

Very well.

Oh, $500 will do just fine.

[ whimpers ] $1,000.

Very well.

I will have to retrieve the rest

Of the cash from my bank and

Come back later this afternoon.

Fine.

We'll have your peabo bryson

Painting.

Peabona bricattoe.

Oh, call it what you want.

It'll be wrapped and ready when

You get back.

It sure will.

You need to let go, though.

Toodles.

[ squeals ]

[ laughs ]

Curtis, we gonna get paid!

Can you believe that?!

I'm gonna get me a motorcycle!

* floyd's mama's moving out

The house *

* she's moving out

* get me a motorcycle

Ha-ha! Hey, give it here.

Okay, we're gonna mark this baby

Sha-zizzo-zizzold!

[ gasps ]

[ groans ]

You think she'll notice?

Not if we put some duct tape

On it.

I'll get some paint.

[ laughing ] It's okay.

Uh-uh, sanitizer.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Got it.

Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Calvin, wait!

It's never too early to

Prepare for the baby.

Oh, so that's why we have a

Basketball goal in the nursery

And no changing table?

[ knock on door ]

Hello! I am with you!

Sorry.

Are you kidding?

Miranda, your doctor is so nice.

I--

Freeze! Freeze.

Mom, wipe your feet.

You're kiddin' me, right?

Can you please wipe your feet

4 times?

1, 2, 3, 4.

No, not like that.

Like this.

You can sing, and it'll help you

Remember.

* 1, 2, 3, 4

* wipe feet at the door

* keep germs away

* baby needs a clean house --

* boy, get out the way.

* boy, move out of my way

Are you kidding me?

[ chuckles ]

[ laughs ]

Miss ella, I think he is more

Excited than I am.

Cal--

Hand sanitizer.

Good job, baby, good job.

Calvin?

What do you need?

What do you need?

You want a hot towel?

You want some pickles and

Ice cream?

Are you dilated yet?

Baby, no.

I'm only 10 weeks pregnant.

But can you take the sonogram

Picture and put it in the

Nursery so you don't lose it,

Okay?

And then I need you to get me a

Cup of tea -- decaf, of course.

Two sugar cubes.

Two.

And, um, miss ella, what

Would you like?

Oh. Um, calvin, I would like

Ice water, cold, 4 cubes.

4.

Mm-hmm. 4 cubes.

Okay.

Oh! Hold the ice.

Hold the ice. Okay.

I'm on it.

[chuckles]

Hey, hey, you got to like

That.

So, was mr. Payne like this when

You were pregnant with calvin?

No. I almost had to take a

Bus to the hospital.

Oh.

Milk it while you can.

[ giggles ]

[ telephone ringing ]

Hello?

Oh, hi, dr. Jones.

How are you?

Oh. Um...Okay.

Well, what -- what do you mean?

You said that -- that everything

Was normal when we were -- when

We were there.

Oh, boy.

No, no, no, no.

Please, please don't say that,

Okay?

Okay.

Okay, miranda, what happened?

What's the matter?

Here. Baby, sit down.

Dr. Jones says that my

Hormone levels are too low to

Be in my 10th week.

Okay, no, that's it--

Calvin, take it easy.

Please.

[ sighs ]

She wants me to come down to

The hospital and get more blood

Work done...

Okay.

Because it could mean

Something else.

Okay, we won't even speak

Those things.

Let's just stay positive.

No, I want to know.

What else could it mean?

[ sighs ]

Baby, it could mean that I have

A tubal pregnancy.

Okay, so we'll -- we'll

Fix it.

You'll have surgery and I'll --

We'll get you some medicine or

Something.

No.

Calvin, the baby won't survive.

Uh, miranda, don't say that.

Just don't say it, okay?

[ sighs ]

Wow. Okay.

Okay, mom, I need you to go

In there and pray for miranda,

And I'm gonna research doctors

For her.

Calvin.

Calvin, I will pray, but you

Need to go in there and pray for

Your wife.

You are the head of this

Household.

But, mom, you're the one

With all the faith.

Baby, I know you're scared.

I really do. And I know you.

You're gonna try to fix it.

No, no, no.

Mom, I will fix it.

No, you can't.

Now go in that room, pray for

Your wife, and believe what you

Pray.

I taught you this.

But, mom, I --

Calvin, just go, and give it

To god.

Go.

Come on, baby.

Curtis, I just saw her car

Pull up.

Did you finish taping?

Yeah. I got it taped.

Hello.

[ gasps ]

I've come for my peabona.

Ooh.

Well, here's your pavarotti.

Yeah, I love it so much.

Peabona.

Yes.

Whatever.

Look, I can't do this.

But, curtis.

What? Is it more money you

Need?

How much?

[ gasps ]

Maybe I can do it.

Wait. I can't, okay?

Look, we got to call this deal

Off, lady.

A deal is a deal.

And this deal is done.

Mr. Carmichael, the usual

Inspection.

Inspection?

Ahem.

[ gasps ]

[ grunts ]

What the hell he doin'?

Ew! That's nasty.

Oh!

What the hell?

Thank you, mr. Carmichael.

Okay, we're good.

Pleasure doing business with

You.

Wait, wait, wait.

Why did he destroy that

Masterpiece?

Ha ha ha ha!

Peabona bricattoe never painted

A masterpiece.

She didn't?

No, but all her paintings

Were framed in 24-karat gold.

[ gasps ]

[ gasps ]

How much is that worth?

Oh, they're very rare.

They usually go for auction for

About $50,000.

[ gasps ]

$50,000? Oh!

Holler at a player when you

See her in the street, honey.

Ha ha ha!

Look, god...

I don't know what to do.

I'm afraid that we're gonna lose

Our baby.

And I don't know how to ask you

This, but...Lord, please let

My child live and be healthy.

Don't let this happen because

Of something that I've done

Or...

Look, I want to believe so bad.

I want to.

Lord, if -- if your answer isn't

What we want to hear...

I pray that you make me strong.

Give me strength to -- to be

Strong for miranda, lord.

And I just...

I just ask you to please,

Please, please be there with my

Baby.

Amen.

Baby, you turned off the

Game.

Ella.

Baby, calm down, calm down.

Well, curtis, all I can think

About is calvin and miranda.

And they are supposed to come by

Here after the doctor's

Appointment.

Well, look, everything's

Gonna be all right, okay?

And I know you gave them one of

Them ella payne prayers:

"God, move the mountain!"

Curtis, not today.

Ooh, what you -- you're smiling.

Yes.

Okay, what? What?

[ sighs ]

The lab miscalculated my

Conception date.

Hey! See? I knew it.

I knew it.

Calvin's not the daddy.

Pops.

No, the hormone levels looked

Low because they thought I was

10 weeks pregnant, but I'm

Actually 8.

8 weeks. Oh!

And so you're okay?

Fine.

And the baby's okay?

Baby's good.

Hey, hey.

Thank you, mom.

You know who to thank,

Calvin.

Oh, baby, show them the dvd.

Oh, wait.

The doctor gave us a dvd of the

Sonogram.

Put it in. Let's play it.

We're gonna watch it now?

Curtis, sit down. Behave.

Oh!

Oh, look how tiny it is.

Curtis.

Are you all having a alien?

Shh. Listen, listen.

What is that? What is that?

Is that the baby's heartbeat?

That's your grandchild,

Grandpops.

Thank you.

Curtis, okay, baby, if it's

A girl, then we will name her

Thatchie lee, after my

Great-aunt.

You're kidding.

Are you kidding?

No.

Thatchie lee?

Thatchie lee.

Thatchie lee was a woman?

Yes.

Does your family practice

Being country, ella?

Do they wake up doing country

Pushups?

Curtis.

Look, my grandbaby gonna have

Good biblical names: albertina,

Cassietta, shirley.

Baby, those are the caravans.

Those aren't biblical names.

Well, then she'll have a

Career.

What?

Ha ha ha!

* whoo